Here's to you:

"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down."
-Woody Allen,

Note to self:
Send in OPO stuff
Email the Clewmeister

I'm a really lucky girl.

Why haven't I been practicing?

You have no motivation.
It's frustrating to sound so bad.
You are lazy.
Your flute will be sent away soon.
You deserve a break (....right?)
You need inspiration

When will I start practicing again?

Soon. Today. You might have to miss some of the Yankees game. It's called sacrifice...you used to know what that word meant.

Dear NFA,
You're running out of time, you know. Can't stall forever.

Love,
Ashley

I had a dream that there was a Lord of the Rings parade. I played Eowyn, Tess M played Arwen, and Jen A played Galadriel. The parade led into a Yankees game, and A-Rod was watching it at the very end. He had a large crowd around him, so I waited until most people were gone, and I asked to get my picture with him. Craig took the picture. I was SO EXCITED. I talked to him for about five minutes, and then he had to go leave to play in the game. The THS marching band was playing at the game. I came back to the band, mysteriously in my band uniform, and bragged that I just talked to Alex Rodriguez for five minutes. Then my aunt Lisa came and asked me why I didn't answer her when she asked me if I wanted to go to the dance. I told her that she never asked me, and she looked relieved. The end.

What is wrong with Rivera this season? That's what I want to know. All throughout the injuries last year, we knew that as long as we were leading in the 9th, it would all be okay. But that's just not the case this year...maybe he's getting old. I would be sad if he lost his touch.

A-Rod's on fire, though! 14 home runs already!

P.S. I played the original Sonic the Hedgehog game today...and I realized two things:
1) I wasted a lot of my childhood playing or watching Sonic
2) I am good at playing Sonic

Well, my semester is for all purposes over. I just need to pack up and go home. It's kind of a sad end to the semester because my friends and I never got together for a final flute dinner or girls night. I haven't seen these girls for weeks and now I won't see them for months. I'm gonna miss you guys! We'll have to make sure to keep in touch, even if it only a facebook message, "hey, I'm going to Virginia for a week. peace out yo." We gotta keep in touch...

I made some new friends recently through Jon, and they are all pretty cool cats. I gotta admit, I'm gonna miss the Flat over the summer. I'm also gonna miss Jon...

I know I say this at the end of every semester, but there have been some big changes in my life as of late. I don't think I have practiced as much as usual this semester, but it's okay, because there's a reason for it. I feel my ambition slowly slowly slowly draining away, and all that will be left is my love of music. And I think that's a good thing. If all goes according to plan, I should have a lot of time to practice this summer. I can practice things I like; maybe I'll even put on a recital! I forsee a summer very similar to last one.

Heh, I was going to write something that makes me vunerable, but I just can't go through with it. Sorry guys. No look into the future, not now.

Next time I have a party, I'm playing minimalism for party music.

Terry Riley's In C. Yeah man. That's what it's all about.

Note to self: pick up an excerpt packet.

The more we get together, together, together
the more we get together, the happier we'll be.
‘cause your friends are my friends
and my friends are your friends
The more we get together the happier we'll be.

Well, life has been going well lately. I finally recieved some mail. A letter from a beloved friend and a letter from MasterWorks. I applied too late, and all the flute spots in the orchestra program were filled already. Here's my little spiel: not having an application deadline is a stupid idea. Anyway, I was a little bummed at the time (if you saw the repertiore this year, you would be too--oh man, I was pumped up to play all that stuff), but now I realize that there must be a plan, and I just gotta have faith.

I still have one more orchestra festival to hear from (Las Vegas), and it's a long stretch that I'll get in. I won't be hearing from them for another month or so. If I don't get in, then I guess I won't be playing in orchestra this summer. I would say that it's a bad thing to have so little musical stimulation in the summer, but that's exactly what I said last summer, and look how great it turned out to be. You never can predict these things. And I guess there's always the hope of getting off the waiting list of some places. Whatever is God's will.

I had my jury today. At the risk of sounding like a huge snob (I know I am a huge snob), it was really kind of dissapointing (note to self: learn how to spell that word. You've been misspelling it for over four years now). I prepared so much for the jury: all kinds of scales, two whole pieces, and two etudes, one of them memorized. I got there, and four faculty members were missing. The bassoon, saxophone, oboe, and one of the clarinet professors were all MIA. The only people there were my professor, my TA, and one of the clarinet professors.
And all I played was one of my pieces and sightreading. I mean, after preparing so much, you kind of want to show it all off....anyway, like I said, I'm huge snob, beacause really it all went very well, and all three people gave me an A. I have nothing to complain about. Good job, me.

I feel free! I still have five exams ahead of me, but I don't have to wake up at 8:00 every day, I have nothing urgent to practice for, and I don't have to work yet, so it's freedom to me.

God is love!

I'm wearing a flute necklace to my jury. Should I wear the earrings too?

I found a good one!

I am thinking, happy.

No mail yet.

I just realized that it's not that fun to write four-page papers on twelve-tone solo instrumental works.

More funnies from the German speaking test today:

Someone doesn't know what he has been asked:
Person 1: What did you wear yesterday?
Person 2: My birthday is soon...

Person 1: What did you do yesterday?
Person 2: I drove to Austria.

Person 1: What did you do yesterday?
Me: I played the flute, ate dinner, did homework, rode my bike, and flew a speaceship.

Funny part is, I'm not the only person who said that I flew a spaceship. Two other students gave that response.

I got accepted to the Sunflower Music Fesitval! It's a week-long chamber music program in Topeka, Kansas. They take one of each instrument to form a high school ww quintet, brass quintet, string quartet, and piano quintet. They take one of each instrument to form the same groups at the college level. Everyone who is accepted recieves a FULL SCHOLARSHIP (read: it's free!). The max age limit is 26 years old. The groups rehearse for six hours a day for a week and then give two concerts at the end of the festival. Pretty sweet, eh?

Best part is, this doesn't conflict with either of the two festivals I haven't heard from yet. So I could do this AND go to Masterworks (and all I would have to pay for is the plane ticket, which admittedly, can be a lot of money), or do this AND the Las Vegas Music Fest, depending on whether I am accepted at either of them. I don't know; I'm feeling a very strong pull towards MasterWorks right now, but my mom has said to me sooo many times that she thinks it would be a waste of money. Well you know what? I don't think it would be a waste of money. But that's for another post. This is happy thoughts. Yay Sunflower Music Fest!!

Edit: In fact, the dates work out so that I could theoretically do all three of the festivals. Hey...if I get a full scholarship to either MasterWorks or Las Vegas, why not do all three? Hehe. Wishful thinking on my part, huh?

Ich habe ein Raumschiff geflogen.

Don't freaking kill people.

Ashley:
There's a reason for everything. Have faith. You are in good hands.

I went to prom last night! It was better than my real senior prom.

I got put on the waiting list at EMF. What the heck, people? What do I have to do to be accepted at a summer camp? Really! This is really frustrating. I just want to go somewhere and play music, I don't care where, I just want to be accepted at ONE of the SIX festivals I applied to.

You're not raising my flute self-esteem here.

Today, a non-musician atheist joined* our weekly RUF music Bible study. It made for interesting times, and I think it gave us all a lot of food for thought.

What he said never offended me (he just seemed a little ignorant, both about music and about the Bible). It was the way he looked at us whenever we said something. It was so degrading. We didn't look at him that way when he spoke...at least, I don't think we did.

*infiltrated

So according to the exam schedule, I have three exams on the Thursday of exam week. One is at 7:30 in the morning. YES.

Facebook and Zelda will be the end of me.

So apparently UF's got a good gymnastics team too. FSU doesn't even have a gymnastics team.

Oh summer break...you are so close and yet so far.

I applied to a total of 5 summer orchestra festivals and one chamber music festival. Let me tell you, thos applications take a lot of work. For a while there, it seemed like a second job....er....first job.

Here's the final list:
Brevard Music Fest (NC)
Eastern Music Fest (NC)
Texas Music Fest (Texas)
Masterworks (? where is masterworks?)
Las Vegas Music Fest. (Cali)

The chamber music fest was called the Sunflower music festival, and I can't remember where that is either. Yeesh, I should know these things.

I've only heard from two so far. I got waitlisted at Brevard and rejected at Texas Music Fest. Not that I was expecting to get into either of them. Especially since I had more recording options to choose from the later I applied. With the early ones (Texas, Brevard, and Eastern), I had only two pieces recorded. Now I have, like 6.

Anyway, I hope I get into one because I want to play some music this summer.

Jesus Christ, that's what today is about. Not about candy or bunnies. It's about Jesus. Thanks be to God.

It's 2:00 am, so I might not be very coherent.

Philharmonia concerts remind me of the reason I make my life so hard by being a music major. It's because of the music. Duh! It makes so much sense at the big concerts. Dvorak 9, En Saga, Honegger. What if I could just play concerts as a job for the rest of my life? Probably not very healthy until I find a way to get past the nerves, but what a great job.

I had a big solo in the concert last night. I was so nervous that I lost feeling in my fingertips while playing. I think I worked through the nerves pretty well, though, and I ended better than I started. In any case, I didn't clip the ends of the phrases (or so I hear), and that was my main goal.

It's Easter weekend. I always feel a little spiritually unprepared for the event. I don't observe Lent like I should. Lent is not to give rules and regulations, at least in my book...it's to grow closer to God. And why would I slack in growing closer to God? Next time I'll do better. I will!

It seems that God's plan for me isn't to go to the RUF conference, because my parents booked a cruise for those exact days. I don't know God's path for me, so I can't explain it. Oh well...maybe I'll end up going to Masterworks. Who knows.

My mom uses a lot of deceptive cadences when she's saying goodbye over the phone.

CANDY

Spring is ending. The flowers bloom but for a moment; they bloom and then die. Humidity descends and wraps innoncent victims with big wet hugs. Summer vacation inches closer. A time of work and play, of baseball and games and air conditioning. Of the beach and water, searing hot steering wheels, breaking a sweat by walking to the mailbox.

Don't throw away your last moments of spring! For us in Tallhassee, it may already be too late, but for those of you who don't live in the sunshine state, go outside, have a picnic, soak up the (not too hot) sun. Might as well use what you've paid for with the winter chill and the summer heat.

Spring--a time of love. Not a care in the world.

Sam saved $30 per week from his part-time job to buy a new DVD player. He went to three different electronics stores comparing the prices on various models. He narrowed his choices to a Panasonic model costing $129.99 and a Sony model with a price tag of $139.99. After much consideration, Sam paid the salesperson $139.99 plus tax in $5 bills for the Sony DVD player. He brought his DVD player to his dorm room and he and his roommates watched their favorite movie every day for the rest of the semester.

THE END