I am getting back on track, as they say.

I really need a break. Is Thanksgiving here yet??

"I wish life consisted of sitting in a bean bag and eating cookies..."

I don't really wish that, but it is really nice for a short amount of time...a couple hours, maybe.

I miss the beach, and I miss my friends at home.
Steve and Beth and Josh and Erin and the rest of the gang.
:(


P.S. Don't start listening to the Beach Boys unless you want to miss the beach.

Ich bin FAUL!!
Ich brauche zu arbeiten. MEHR.

Auch, Tanglewood, Ihre Website ist nicht sehr gut.

Ende.

So I slept through my alarm today. Woke up an hour later than it was set for. What the heck.

I managed to get to school ten minutes after I woke up, which is quite a feat. I got to conducting a half hour late, so I was marked absent, but it's better than not being there at all, right?..

It's just one of those days...

At least I found an accompanist for the concerto competition. Thanks, Nik!!

There are giants in the sky.

:(

That emoticon is sad and so am I.

I'm only a semi-nole.

Why isn't Astronaut High School's mascot an astronaut?

This World Series disgusts me.

This is the happiest I have felt in the last two weeks, and it was because I had a breakdown today.

It got all of my negativity, all of my stress, and all of my nerves out BEFORE the recital, so when I walked out on stage at night, that was a genuine smile on my face. I was happy to be there, happy to be playing such wonderful, deep music. How blessed we are...

I had a great time at the recital. I really did. It might have been my favorite recital I have ever played, and I think it was probably the best I have ever sounded as well.

Soli Deo Gloria--glory to God alone. If I make music, it is only because God allows me, gives me the tools.

In any case, I hope everyone enjoyed it.

Sorry RUF guys...I'm sleeping in tomorrow.

I can see the light at the end. I'm almost there. Almost...

Dear Life,
I need more stress right now. Can you please deliver some--preferably in the form of a party? I really need something to distract me from my research paper and my recital, and some lost sleep wouldn't hurt either. I also don't think I received enough stress this past week, so some more would be a great improvement.
All my love,
Ashley

Dearest Ashley,
I would love to give you some more stress! You know that stress in the form of parties is one of my favorite deliveries. Tomorrow you will have more stress than you could ever imagine!!
Love,
Life

I'm in a CRAAAAAZY mood. AND I HAVEN'T EVEN HAD ANY SUGAR. And my life is not going any better than it was before
(except for a great rehearsal)

AND IT IS POURING OUTSIDE.

I was one of those days when you wake up and you can just feel that it is going to be yucky all day. YOU JUST KNOW.

maybe I've gone crazy from stress.
there is a banana on my keyboard tray.
BANANAS ARE MONKEY FOOD!!!!

(I love loud piano).
(and lamP)

YAY LIFE

1) I am still healthy.
2) At least I don't have to write my paper on a typrewriter.
3) I've still got my friends.

:)

It'll be over soon. Before I know it.

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

This is an exact poetic representation of what I've felt like all week (especially today).

A solo recital, a research paper, and four hours of musical every night--one of these three things would usually be enough to really stress someone out...but all three of them together in one week....it's just too much. The Perfect Storm.

I'd like to say that I'm pretty good with stress management. I don't freak out too often. But this week is pushing my limits...
but I can't give up. I was not made a quitter.

Keep going, Ashley. Onward.

Okay...things are looking up. I did a lot of research today and I wrote the introductory paragraph. And I practiced for an hour.

It's okay. It's going to be allright.

Guys, I don't know what I am going to do. I have no time. My jury is today, and my recital is in a week. I have a research paper due on Friday that I haven't even chosen a topic for, and I have Into the Woods for four hours every day this week. In addition to all my other classes and committments.

I trust that everything will work out for the best in the end (it always does), but I am not living in the end, I am living in the present, and in the present I am not getting done what needs to get done.

I just don't know what I am going to do.

Oh man. It's not even funny how much work I have to do. This history paper is plauging me. I mean, I've been working the whole day (on a Saturday!), no social time or wasted time, and I still feel like I didn't get anything done. I don't have time. It's really not funny.

Why am I still at home. Why did I do absolutely nothing for four hours today. Why. Why am I not using question marks.

Waking up at 7:10 and thinking to yourself, "I must have set my alarm by mistake--it's Saturday" is not a good way to start out a Friday.

Shívna

?

There is a little tiny person inside of my abdomen. And he has a chainsaw. And really wants to get out and see the world. And he is trying his hardest to make me think that he is only a normal bodily function. But I know the truth...

I am a mess.

(This is a trough, and the only way to go is up.)

I am so happy right now.

I love these guys.

POULENC!!! WOOOO!!!!

I love people.
I'm a people person.

Today was one of those rare extremely difficult days in life. One of those days where you have to wonder...why me?

I don't want to go into detail. Lots of very good things happened, but a few things happened that made me want to cry. And the good and the bad took turns throughout the day.
But the day ended with beautiful music, delicious food, and wonderful company, and for a little while I forgot all of the bad of the day. It seeped out of me through the laughter, which is always a sure cure for a bad day.

Good music, good food, and good company: those three things always make a soul feel better (especially the last one).

So all in all...it wasn't that bad. Everything happens for a reason. He works in mysterious (and not always easy) ways. I trust.

Ich möchte um mich schlagen, aber ich weiß, daß ich nicht sollte. Es ist nicht die christliche Sache, zum zu tun.

Matthew 12:36
"I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken."

We all judge very harshly sometimes. We all do it, so don't go thinking that you don't apply. We throw words around like they are nothing, careless words, even when we don't even know people. We throw words around like they can't hurt people, but you know what? Words can hurt people. Words can break people.

I judge too harshly.

I posted this back in the day, but I think it's about time for a seldom-used reposting:

"If Only We Understood"
by Rudyard Kipling

Could we but draw back the curtains
That surround each other's lives,
See the naked heart and spirit,
Know what spur the action gives;

Often we should find it better,
Purer than we judge we should;
We should love each other better,
If only we understood.

Could we judge all deeds by motives,
See the good and bad within,
Often we should love the sinner
All the while we loathe the sin;

Could we know the powers working
To overthrow integrity,
We should love each other's errors
With more patient charity.

If we knew the cares and trials,
Knew the efforts all in vain,
And the bitter disappointment,
understood the loss and gain--

Would the grim eternal roughness
Seem--I wonder--just the same?
Should we help where now we hinder,
Should we pity where now we blame.

Ah! we judge each other harshly,
Knowing not life's hidden force;
Knowing not the fount of action
Is less turbid at its source--

Seeing not amid the evil
All the golden grain of good;
And we should love each other better
If only we understood.

Today's the day! Go out there and get em'!!

Chopin is not making a good impression on me. His music makes no sense analytically and I will probably never be able to play it. Why, Chopin, why?

www.zerogravitybed.com

They sell $9,000 beds.

Wow, I really don't write in here as often as I used to, huh? Two possibilities:
1) I have nothing to say
2) I don't have time

Probably a little bit of both. Life has been CRAZY lately. I use every minute of the day, and still I have been forced to cut down on practice. But I'm still healthy, which means that my stress level is manageable, and I don't think my playing has suffered too much--I still PLAY a lot (in ensembles, lessons, piano rehearsals, recording sessions, etc.), I'm just not practicing as much as I would like.

I think it's funny how most of my posts end up on the topic of pratice. You know, when I was growing up I never imagined I would be a musician. I wanted to be any number of things, depending on the season: a writer, an artist, a reporter, an actress, a teacher, a small bussiness owner, a camera technician...but never a musician. Funny how things work out. Sometimes I wonder if the musician idea was in season when I had to decide and that's why I'm pursuing music and not something else.

But seriously, I do love it.

Flying to Las Vegas, I sat next to these two guys on the plane. Theirs is a long (and quite humorous) story, but I eventually found out that they were going to Las Vegas for a mattress convention. That only sounds incredibly funny until I realize that I go to flute conventions all the time. Anyway, these guys were mattress salemen (for ZeroGravity mattresses, I told them I'd tell all my friends about it and now I'm keeping my word). They said that one of their celebrity endorsements was a famous retired baseball player, and he had the most laid back attitude of anyone they had met.

"He never worked a day in his life. He played baseball in high school and then in college...and then he played baseball for a living."

These hard-working business men couldn't comprehend such a life, doing something that you love for a living. Certainly they didn't dream about selling mattresses in childhood.
I told them that I was going to Las Vegas for a symphony orchestra music festival, that my major in school was music.

"Stay with that," they said, "and work hard. Maybe you can turn out like our baseball friend. Never work a day in your life."