My piccolo is broken, and I have a concert tonight.

Oh, and I won second in the FFA competition again. Yay?

Life is so crazy, and then it's so not crazy.

Acht stuecke. I'm back. I had an adventure-filled day in Arizona. In as few words as I can manage:

-I was interviewed to appear on the Phoenix local news
-I witnessed a fight over an attempted bike robbery
-I bought an ipod for five bucks...wait, no, it's just an ipod case. oops.
-I saw some mad improvisation outside of the art museum
-Some of the girls in the ASU flute studio invited me out to eat after the recital. They are SO nice!!
-I slept the entire day yesterday

Oh, and for once in my life, I did sit next to a guy around my age on one of the long flights. I don't know if I would call him cute per se (he was married anyway), but we did have a lot of fun playing the Delta trivia game together for three hours.

I'm starting to realize that our generation has so many inside jokes, it's unbelievable.

HOME
SLEEP PLEASE

I don't know why I thought a flight from 3 AM to 8:30 AM would be a good idea.

Hey guys. I'm posting from the music library at ASU. I managed to find a computer that was logged in already. I have a lot to tell but not much time. Phoenix--this place is AWESOME. I could definitely see myself living here. The music school is freakin' amazing. I will post pics when I get back. The architechture is what makes it.

The weather is very nice--like I said about Cali, it's like Florida, except you are actually able to BREATHE. Someone here said "it's like you're in an oven instead of in a sauna." Much better...

My audition was pretty good. I think Dr. Buck liked it. I got the feeling that I might be in consideration for a scholarship, depending on other peoples auditions, of course.

All in all, I really like it here. Right now, it's my first choice.

Tomorrow is my first grad school audition, Arizona State University in Phoenix. I'm pretty excited. I've never been to Arizona before. It's supposed to be a lot warmer than it is here (they aren't the Sun Devils for nothing). I'm a little nervous about traveling alone, only because I'm cutting it a little close time-wise (I wanted to go to my class today) and I've never used the Jacksonville Airport before. But I've traveled alone many times in the past, so I'm sure I'll be allright. Maybe this time I'll get a seat next to a cute guy. Sigh. It never happens that way.

I'm gonna knock em' dead 'cause I'm not sick. I've got a good feeling about this one...

1) I've become a t.v. addict
2) I had a really great lesson today. REALLY GREAT.
3) I went to court today. It was scary. I set up my hearing date. That is all.
4) Phoenix in two days!
5) My red coat is cooler than all other coats combined.
6) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

P.S. This is my impression of me at ultimate class:
"HELLO MY NAME IS ASHLEY AND I SAY THINGS VERY LOUDLY AND OBNOXIOUSLY AND I WILL NOT STOP SAYING THINGS LOUDLY AND OBNOXIOUSLY AND I CANNOT STOP TALKING FRISBEE FRISBEE FRISBEE OH MAN I AM SO COOL."

Wellp, today's the day when racism ends, all nations will love America, everybody have a job and free health care, gas prices will be back to under a dollar, and poverty ends completely! And all because Obama will sprinkle his magic Obama dust on the nation!

Yesterday I played Mall Madness
but in real life!

Okay, okay, I'll admit it...I like spending money. I'm a girl. So sue me.

Anyway, I now have some new clothes for my auditions, and that was the point. Hooray!

(Phoenix in four days!)

I finished my fifth Charles Dickens novel yesterday, The Tale of Two Cities. Man that man was a genius. So far I would rank them in this order:

1) David Copperfield-I don't think I will ever read a novel as perfect as this...just wow. It blows my mind.
2) Great Expectations-The first one I read, just fabulous
3) A Tale of Two Cities-Very good (he sure is British!), but I guessed what was going to happen halfway through. He should have hidden this plot a little more...
4) Oliver Twist-simply a lesser version of Copperfield
5) A Christmas Carol-it's still a wonderful story, just not quite a genius as the others. Or maybe it's because I knew what was going to happen the whole time. Eh.

I love Charles Dickens!!

BT dub...
I came back from break to find that my bike seat had been stolen. I think it lasted so long because there was a note on it that said "I forgive you." Someone had the nerve to steal it anyway...the people in this world...



The bike is beyond help now, so instead of replacing the missing items, I am going to do a little social experiment. I plan to unlock the frame and attach a note to the remnants that says "steal me!" and see how long it lasts. It will probably be gone by the first night.

Don't worry, I'll let you know when I do it, and we'll count the days together.

In the ocean,
I may transform
into a whale

Outside,
I power electricity
in the skies

But someone is always watching
And that means I can never go home

You know, it would make things a whole lot easier if there was an airport in Tallahassee that I could actually USE.

I really miss Titusville a whole lot.

I had to put my metronome down today. It was sad. It has served me well all of these years, traveling with me to Las Vegas, Cincinnati, New York, Kansas, Boston, and so many other places...it was there with me during the hurricanes, always clicking away, the one thing I knew I could depend on. But it had fallen onto the floor too many times (curse you, wire stands!). It was old, and it was ready to go. It's not in pain anymore.

Crimson and Clover
Over and Over

I have paid ALL my rent and utilities bills BEFORE they were due. And today suddenly out of the blue my apartment complex tapes this INSANE note to my door telling me that I owe them $600 (and not explaining why) and if I don't pay it in three days I will be evicted! ACHT STUECKE!! THIS APARTMENT COMPLEX HAS THE ABSOLUTE WORST MANAGEMENT IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.

------------------------------------------------

The strangest thing just happened to me.

I called a hotel to book a room for one of my auditions. The guy picked up the phone:

"Hello, Twin Palm Hotel, how may I help you?"
"Hi, I'd like to book a room."
The line goes dead.

HE HUNG UP ON ME!!

Something strange probably happened, I thought. So I called again...

"Hello, Twin Palm Hotel, how may I help you?"
"Hi, I just called, I think something happened..."
The line goes dead.

HE HUNG UP ON ME....AGAIN!!!

WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE???

------------------------------------------

This is the best day of 2009 so far.
(I hope it won't end up being the best day of 2009.)

RAINBOW BODY!!!
This was one of the first classical CDs I had when I was in high school. I bought it with my allowance money--it appealed to me because Appalachian Spring was on it and the CD cover was a rainbow.
Turns out, I fell in love with both the Atlanta Symphony and the other tracks on the CD--Rainbow Body and Blue Cathedral (I didn't exactly fall in love with the Barber Symphony...you can't win em' all). And now...and now...I get to play one!

I remember one of the first times I listened to Rainbow Body was on the way home from one of my high school flute lessons. I had to travel a good 40 minutes each way to my lessons every week (it was worth it). And on the way back...there was this stunning sunset, just stunning, I can't even describe it, and I got to look at it the entire 40 minutes home...and it made such a good backdrop to the music. It was truly a moving experience. Traveling out on the open road, a great expanse of pink and orange sky, almost like a rainbow BODY, and the music...the music...the music...

V: "What is a beaver?"
D: "It's an animal."
A: "You know...big rodents that build dams?"
D: "You know the Hoover Dam?....they built that."

Takk... (thank you)
is so personal, so intimate. I have to listen to it with my door shut. There can't be any other noise....it will adulterate the experience. The music is transportive, emotional, sings of other worlds where life is not the same as it is here. Or of dreams coming true, for once in your life. Dreams do come true, just not most of the time. That's why they are what they are.

(The best time of my life was long ago, and I have been searching for that again ever since. It's coming...soon. I've counted to 100. Ready or not...)

Give my favorite track a try.
(I don't know what's going on in this video. Don't watch it. Just listen.)

Delta, stop being a tool.

My first audition is in 18 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT

Innsbruck, ich muss dich lassen

Innsbruck, ich muss dich lassen,
ich fahr dahin mein Strassen,
in fremde Land dahin.
Mein Freud is mir genommen,
die ich nit weiss bekommen
wo ich im Elend bin.

Gross Leid muss ich jetzt tragen,
das ich allein tu klagen
dem liebsten Buhlen mein.
Ach Lieb, nun lass mich Armen
im Herzen dein erbarmen,
dass ich muss dannen sein.

Mein Trost ob allen Weiben,
dein tu ich ewig bleiben,
stet treu, der Ehren fromm.
Nun muss dich Gott bewahren,
in aller Tugend sparen,
bis dass ich wiederkomm.
----------------------------------
Innsbruck, I must leave you,
To go along my pathway
to strange and distant lands
My joy from me has faded
I don't know how to find it
I am in sorrow's hands

I am burdened with great sorrow
which I can remedy only
through the one dearest to me.
O my love, leave me not bereft
of compassion in your heart
that I must part from you.

My consolation above all other women,
I remain yours forever,
always faithful, in true honor.
And now, may God protect you,
safe in virtue,
till I return.

Here is a hypothetical couple. This couple has been going out for a very long time, for a very many years, and even though they claim that they love each other, I can see through their actions, see that they are not really the best match. The girl can do much better, but she doesn't know that. She has been with the guy for so long that she would not even consider breaking up anymore. And even though she is not engaged, not formally stuck with this particular guy, I know she wouldn't break up with him. No matter how unhappy she is, she will fight through the flaws. It's not even for affection's sake--it's the length of time she has endured him. She wouldn't want to give it all up...it would be like, living all those years for nothing. It's almost a habit now, something she has been brainwashed by time to believe that she cannot change. This is the only love she has ever had. She doesn't know that there's something better out there, someone meant for her, someone who she won't just endure but someone she will adore.


Maybe she loved him once. I believe it. And she probably does feel that love still, in its own deteriorating way. And maybe he does love her--and show it--from time to time. But he brings a great deal more unhappiness than happiness. It isn't supposed to be this way. She is supposed to cling to the things that make her happy, and she has to realize that when things no longer can accomplish this, then change must occur.

It's scary to change something that has been such a part of your life for so long. I understand that. It takes a great deal of courage to make a decision like that. If she left him, her whole world would fall apart. She would be lost. Her entire future, crushed...

But she has to ask herself, she can't ignore--why is she so much happier when he's not around to haunt her, call her a failure?

This isn't working anymore. They are not soul mates!! And before they get engaged...tell her that she needs to leave. Please tell her that she doesn't need to be stuck in this dead-end relationship that may or may not revive its old vigor someday. Let her know that she can make it without him, that he's only a man and there are so many men in this world. Convince her that she is happiest when she is just a normal person, not a musician, and that is who she is meant to be for life.

Goodbye to one more dream.
...
Sometimes life sucks a lot.

That makes 3.

Engagements, that is.

Ready or not, here I come!

I made it to 8:15 AM this year, and I could have gone much much later! But alas, there comes a point when you start to feel like you have overstayed your welcome.

"It's New Year's Day, and I can stay up as late as I darn well want, thank you very much!"