I don wanna go ta marching band.
I dont wanna, I dont wanna, I dont wanna.
::throws a temper tantrum::

Something has been bothering me all day and it just resolved itself and it makes me happy. YAY.

I totally watched Pokemon the first movie today. Hahaha I'm funny. But really. It has good music! And it's all dramatic and stuff. It's actually pretty good for a cartoon film, even though most kids would get lost 5 minutes into the plot.

My to-do list is slowly but surely dwindling.

Jacques Ibert, you are one cool guy.

I KNEW that was going to happen. I am never going to share my thoughts ever again (snort)

You are a Kangaroo: Truly awesome, dude! Kangaroos
are some wicked creatures, as you can tell from
this totally awesome picture I have here! You
are the top of the marsupial list! Confident,
fun, and always up for a great time!

What Marsupial Are You?
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Man it's not late enough yet, my mind isn't thinking of random things that make no sense. Darn.
It's thundering out. I like the thunder. Not all the time. Just once in a while. Enough to make it...special. Rain and thunder set a mood, just as well as the sun does. I like to think that the sun sets a laid-back mood. I know I get really lazy and carefree when I go out in the sun. That's just the way it is. But the rain and thunder/lightning, especially at night, set an extremely dark mood. It's a prefect setting to watch a scary movie or write an emotional poem or listen to minor mozart. Okay, now we're getting a little more random.

I've figured out the answer to the ongoing question of "Would you rather be hot or cold?" And no, the answer isn't neither because I know that's what all you dumb people out there want to say but if you weren't dumb you would've noticed that that isn't one of the choices.
ANYWAY.
Ok. So you don't like it when it's really hot, and you don't like it when it's really cold. But I don't think that's nessccessarily (I need to learn how to spell that word) true. I know nobody likes being cold. Who would jump into a pool of cold water because it feels good? Nobody. Yes, some people jump in a pool of cold water because they are maniacs or because it's fun or they think theyre cool or something but I seriously don't think anyone does it because it feels good. So then, who jumps in a pool of hot water because it feels good? Everyone I know does. Have you ever heard of jaccuzzi? How about a sauna? A hot tub? If you have one of these, you like being hot.
That doesn't convince you? How about this:
Have you ever gone to the beach? Was it hot or cold when you went? I know I don't go to the beach when it's cold out. I go when it's hot. Because the heat feels good. And the cold doesn't.
Still not convinced? Take a look:
Do you take a shower in hot or cold water? If you take a shower in cold water, you seriously have some temperature problems. I can't stand taking a shower in cold water (and I've done it before. I had to. It's quite possibly the most horrible thing on this earth). But I love showers in hot water. I actually want to stay there longer, usually, because hot showers feel so nice.
One last piece of evidence:
If you went on a cruise, where would you want to go, somewhere tropical or somewhere arctic? The statistics show that the majority of people in this world would rather be somewhere tropical. And you gotta trust the statistics (unless, of course, I made them up).

In conclusion, the answer to the question "Would you rather be hot or cold?" is, by my findings, hot.
But then theres all the stupid interpretations like "Doy doy hot and cold are not definite temperatures you can't just go around throwing adjectives in science" and I say shut up I don't care. You're just mad because you know I'm right.

If you talk to me tomorrow, don't let me do anything until I practice. At least two hours. At least. And I'm serious. You gotta refuse to do anything with me until I practice, no matter how much I beg and cry and punch. I haven't seriously practiced for 3 days now!
!!!

Brain: Ash, you're really dumb

Dude I totally just won spider solitare by skill and not luck.

Wow you are not normal

Are'>http://quizilla.com/users/Tequitos/quizzes/Are%20you%20normal%3F/">Are you normal?
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Wow you are not normal

Are'>http://quizilla.com/users/Tequitos/quizzes/Are%20you%20normal%3F/"a>Are you normal?
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Wow you are not normal

Are'>http://quizilla.com/users/Tequitos/quizzes/Are%20you%20normal%3F/"a>Are you normal?
brought to you by

Wow you are not normal

Are'>http://quizilla.com/users/Tequitos/quizzes/Are%20you%20normal%3F/"a>Are you normal?
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Friday, August 27, 2004

Make that 10 hours.

I've got nothing to say except that I should have been practicing for the last 3 hours.

Has there ever been a time when there was something that you knew you had to do because it was "the right thing to do" but you really really really didn't want to? And nobody was forcing you so it was your choice? Yeeeah. That's me pretty soon.

ANYWAY.

I just ate a meal of easy mac, a doughnut, and milk. And it actually wasn't too bad together.

Marching band...actually just life in general...is so much better than last year. My mom noticed that I've been in a good mood ever since I arrived back. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy that I'm not an officer this year. I can kick back and have the easy life. No rules, no responsibilities, nobody hating me, no worrying about if my section is doing what they should or not and worrying about what I should do if they aren't, etc. The list of perks could go on and on and on. It's so wonderful I can't even explain it.
PLUS my (two) classes are a joke this semester. I might as well not even go to school. Actually that's a lie. It's just that I'm used to so much harder stuff, so much more work. Last year at this time I had physics honors (Sprayberry), AP Calculus (Orletsky) and AP English (Thomas). Thats a deadly trio of classes if I've ever seen one. But right now I have College Algebra (Redlien) which is...ummm...not too hard....and American Government (Ball), which is the closest I get to a hard class right now, even though it looks like most of it's gonna be review of what I know already with a little added detail.
The stress factor is just not there. Plus...I know you're gonna roll your eyes, but Interlochen has changed me. I didn't use the phone or the computer or the television or the car, etc. I have now conquered those things. I don't need them anymore. And I feel free! I feel good about myself. Well, sometimes.
But still, compared to this time last year, I don't know how good I have it. Last year was not too good. I was losing myself and everything I cared about. There was a time in there where I seriously thought I was depressed. But not now!
And that ends Biography of Ash's Life, Vol. 1
(I wasn't being serious, all you who are readily waiting for Vol. 2)

I took an online IQ test, but I'm not going to tell you my score because I'm sneaky.
My piccolo smells like bug spray.
I got my Interlochen pics!

The first time I played with the THS band was when I was in eighth grade. It was a practice for the Washington DC trip. Apparently they needed more flutes (imagine! needing more flutes!) and I was a decent sister-flute who was going to be in wind ensemble the next year, so Schwindt invited me to go on the trip. At the practice, they left the second-chair flute spot open for me, behind only Heather. I struggled through all the music (the most difficult song being "American Salute") and left with my mouth hanging wide open in amazement. I didn't know bands could sound so beautiful! When I talked to the students in the band about how amazing it sounded, they all replied the same way..."We suck," to which I would reply, "Well, I'm used to middle school band, so everything sounds good to me." They would say "We still sound bad." I didn't believe them. How could they say they sounded bad?
Going through my years of high school, the band started sounding worse and worse. Not because the band actually grew worse, but because my perspective changed. Back in eighth grade, I didn't know what "beautiful" was. What I told people was true, everything sounded good to me. And now, unfortunately, everything sounds bad to me. In eighth grade, I couldn't ever have imagined the quality of the groups I was destined to be in someday. If I had, I wouldn't have called the DC band "beautiful."
In the same way, we are not very good or faithful people. From the eighth grade perspective, we may look beautiful, but deep down on the inside we are just a bunch of wrong notes and impercise rhythms. But we dont' see it because we are still so young. That's why we must keep growing...our growth is what tells us who we really are. Innocence--or is it ignorance?--will not suffice any longer. Maybe if we develop the right perspective, we will someday be worthy of the challenges placed before us. Until then, we will be stuck with the sound of high school and the mind of an eighth grader. AND THAT'S NO GOOD AT ALL.

I was gonna tell another story or something but I forgot what it was.
Oh well.

Marching band is dumb and it makes me sad ):
But Paul Hamm won the silver medal in the men's gymnastics high bar finals. Way to go, Paul!

Anywho....I should be going, or I'm gonna be late like I was at the two other practices I've been to. I hope we don't march on the field so I'll never get to learn the show. That'd be great!

Once again...marching band is dumb.

Today was a splendid day, and I'll tell you why. I saw/talked to several people who I haven't seen/talked to for quite a long time. AND IT MAKES ME HAPPY.

UNRELATED THOUGHT!
When I was young (younger), I used to love when I was in a moving car and it started raining. I would always watch the raindrops on the window travel from the front of the window to the back, you know, in the opposite direction that the car is moving. I would pretend that if the drops made it off the window, they would be saved. Saved from what, I don't know, but they would be saved. It was mesmerizing, watching the little drops be saved. I could've done it for hours, and I probably did. I cheered in my heart every time a drop was saved. But sometimes the drops couldn't make it on their own. The smaller drops always had a harder time traveling down the window while the bigger ones went barreling through, destroying everything in their path. Many times, a steadily-moving medium-sized drop would be traveling along and run into a smaller one...and they would join together and complete the journey as one drop! When the drops joined together, they grew bigger and were thus able to move much faster. And as they grew bigger, they collected more and more smaller drops on the way, helping them along. Eventually, the collected drops would form what I would call "monster drops." Monster drops moved so fast that they had absolutely no trouble being saved. The only problem was, they would leave a trail of helpless little drops behind them. It's almost as if they rejected what they once helped, and they only cared about themselves. I never liked when that happened, and I hated monster drops, because even though they themselves were saved, they created all kinds of trouble for the smaller ones they rejected. My favorite kind of drops were the clean, medium-sized ones that didn't leave a trail of small drops behind while they were traveling. That's when you know the drops really care, when they welcome every small drop they encounter and don't leave any behind. But they always had to beware of collecting too many, because monster drops are extremely easy to form.

Ahh, childhood. Gotta love it.

I got a new toothbrush and it makes me happy.
There's no place like home.
Maybe I should learn how to use the phone.
I like playing my flute, but not when I sound like poo.

I learned at camp that while I have no trouble making friends, I'm actually anti-social. I avoid doing social things with people. Like talking. And going places to "hang out." I never seem to "feel like it," which really means I don't want to. Oh well.

Stressed is desserts spelled backwards.
What country is VIN?
I want to say what I want to say, but I will wait a little longer. Maybe it's not even for bloggey.
IT BURNS.
Time for bed.

There's something that happens whenever my mom starts talking about colleges that makes me not want to talk about them anymore. I can talk about them with anybody else and I don't get mad so I want to figure out why it happens.

I just searched my name on the Internet for the very first time. It was scary. It came up with about 93 results, and about 5 or so were me (mostly lists of me on Interlochen programs or competitions I have won etc. There was also one from the poem blog.). There was this one that was some random guy's blog and he wrote, "I finally got the courage to ask Ashley Stahl out today." And I was like wooah there I don't know you but of course he didn't mean me but it's just crazy seeing your own name and having it not mean you. And now somebody with my name is going to search their name and have this come up and they're gonna be like cool she wrote about searching my name. And we have the same name.
Yeah.

One more thing...I've lived in a wooden cabin in the middle of nowhere for the last 8 weeks. I had hardly any way to communicate with the outside world. So basically I dropped off the face of the earth for two months and I have no idea whats happening with anybody right now. I'm trying to scan through livejournals, etc, but I certainly can't read it all. So please tell me if I need to know something that happened, in your life or the world in general.
Thank you.

Man, my summer sure was boring, uneventful, and unsuccessful. I didn't learn anything at camp and I didn't get to do anything cool. I also did not get any better at the flute and my auditions reflected it. My orchestra was the worst ever and we played bad music, I didn't make any friends, and it was NO FUN AT ALL. I also didn't get a chance to grow spiritually because I was all cooped up in a cabin in the woods. I wish I didn't go to Interlochen at all.

....gotcha.

Yeah, I'm not gonna go into all the details because there are just way too many and I wouldn't even know where to start, but as I said, I will never be the same again because of it. Interlochen is the awesomest of all the awesomes. The best thing ever.

And now I will give you with a reading that I stumbled over when I was there:
"Christ is the visible likeness of the invisible God. He is the first-born Son, superior to all created things. For through him God created everything in heaven and on earth, the seen and unseen things, including spiritual powers, lords, rulers, and authorities. God created the whole universe through him and for him. Christ existed before all things, and in union with him all things have their proper place. He is the head of the body, the church; he is the source of the body's life. He is the first-born Son, who was raised from death, in order that he alone might have the first place in all things. For it was by God's own decision that the Son has in himself the full nature of God. Through the Son, then, God decided to bring the whole universe back to himself. God made peace through his Son's sacrificial death on the cross and so brought back to himself all things, both on earth and in heaven."
-Colossians 1:15-20

Oh yeah I just remembered..thank you so much to those of you who wrote letters to me when I was at camp! They were like shining stars on dark days. Except the days usually weren't dark, but whatev. And it didn't even matter how long they were. Just that you were thoughtful enough to think of me was awesome. So thanks!

So now starts my new life. Help me, God.

I will never be
the same again.
I can never return,
I've closed the door.
I will walk the mile,
I will run the race,
and I will never be
the same again.