My computer has a virus. I have to turn the computer completely off on and then back on again to go on the Internet. Viruses are a good way to stop wasting time on this piece of nonsense.
Yes, that was a coherent sentence. I think.

We played basketball in an awesome music theory day today. Colin and I have no idea how to play and yet we both owned the three point shots. Oh yeah. I don't think I'm as bad as I thought I was.

SENIOR RECITAL TOMORROW
Indian River Methodist
2:00 PM
Reception at my house afterwards
Be there or be square

About that....
I should be nervous right now. But I'm not. It's not a competition or an audition. Maybe I'll be nervous tomorrow. I'm just not very pleased with my playing right now. I'm afraid that I will let everyone down with my flawed performance. It's not going to be perfect. And I wish it could be. I want it to be perfect. I mean, I set up a heck of a program for myself--difficult in every aspect, endurace not the least. Plus I'm afraid that I made the program too long. And I will be searching for words everytime I talk. And everyone will be bored. And a million other things. No, I'm not nervous. Not about playing. I will surely please God. I am nervous for YOU guys. Pray for me, friends. Pray for yourselves.

Ya know what's really cool? Lots of people are probably going to miss my recital to play at a NASA thing where you get autographs and free passes. YESSS

I don't sound very good on flute...

or piccolo.
Darn darn darn. Why can't I just play better? What can I do to sound better?

Stupid everything.


The laws of human vacillation say it must be so.

Editor's note: This post doesn't exist.

I've hit a life's trough.
Nothing seems to be going right.

But
the only way to go now is up.

I hugged 73 people today.
I had a hugging contest with Emily. Who can hug the most people? At the end of the day, we both had the exact same number of hugs, 72, so we called a draw. Can you believe that? We both happened to get 72 exactly. And then Bob walked in and I got the final hug of the school day.
I challenge anyone to try to get more than 73 in a day, counting from the moment you walk into school to the moment you begin to walk out to your car.
And ya know what? It makes you feel really good. The cabin 11 girls would all tell you that people need at least "7 meaningful touches" per day. And I got 73. Hurrah.

Hmm, I guess I should be doing my research paper. Eh.

Wow, and I didn't even have to cheat to get it!

You scored as Flute. Flute.well, flutes are very.....flutey.Kind of indescribable but I can always recognize a flute player when I see one. (not really) Flute 75% Viola 75% French Horn 67% String Bass 58% Bassoon 58% Violin 58% Oboe 58% Cello 50% Clarinet 50% Tuba 50% trombone 50% Trumpet 50% Percussion 17% If you were in an orchestra, what instrument would match your personality? created with QuizFarm.com

Places should stop making their normal business hours on weekdays until 4 PM.
I can't call you before 4, jerks!

This summer is going to be great. Seriously. It's going to be back in the day days. And I won't have to deal with the load of poo I have to deal with now.
UUUUGGGHHHH

Me: Summer, you can't arrive soon enough!
Summer: That's what everyone's been sayin. I hear ya, kid.

Thanks, Kevin. You really helped me.

Sometimes, you've done all you humanely can do and things are just out of your hands.

We struggle to make things the best, the happiest they can be, but there comes a point when everything you have worked so hard for is...gone. And you're standing there all alone, unprotected from the world, and nobody can help you. And you finally realize that this is what life really is, and that nobody can really understand the thing you are feeling. The pity. The pain. The dread.

Brain: Don't be a jerk, Ashley
Me: Too late.






I need a hug.

We shouldn't go to state orchestra festival because:
It would cost money that we don't have.
We don't have any music prepared.
We would have to do stupid music and go insane in the process of trying to make it decent enough for performance.
We would embarass ourselves by our inferior playing.
We would have to miss another day of school.
It probably would be another miserable day, waking up at the crack of dawn and not getting back until very late.
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY:
I don't want to.

Now, please, somebody give a reason we SHOULD go.

I made it into the national flute convention's high school flute choir! Yay! I am going to San Diego this summer!

I will be back to write a propoganda post about orchestra festival, but for now I have to go to the library (stupid PSJ bibliotheque closes at cinq heures).

We all seem to think that if only that one thing would happen, we could be happy. We are all waiting. If only college would start. If only summer would start. If only I got a boyfriend. If only that paper was done. If only I had another job. Etc.
Well I'm sorry guys, but waiting isn't going to get you anywhere. Even when that thing does happens, something else is going to be a problem. If you wait now, you'll be waiting forever. It's time to look the present in the face and tell it who's boss. You can be happy now. YOU CAN BE! Take charge! This is your life. Do what you need to do.

Today was/is a good day, everything except waking up. Oh yeah and fighting with my mom.

We played a concert alongside the members of the OPO. It was fun, and it was very cool to talk to Mr. Goldman (who has a gold flute wee hee!). He talked to me about colleges, orchestras, careers in music, conductors, and the like. Very interesting to hear it from someone who has been through everything I want to go through.

PLUS they gave us free lunch: salad, breadsticks, lasagna, and chocolate mints (oh yeah) from OLIVE GARDEN! YESSS!

Along with that, I had some quality time with my section, spread the legend of the PIT MONSTER, explored the Bob Carr center backstage, did a washing machine dance, waved to people on the other side, moonwalked, went to the bathroom five times, and generally acted silly. Like I said, it was a good day.

When I have a family of my own, I am not going to scream as loud as I can about everything. I am not going to blow up because my husband put the wrong color towels in the bathroom. I am not going to yell at my children so much that they start crying, and then not stop even when they are crying. Especially when they are 17 years old and never cry at anything. I am not going to think that yelling doesn't hurt people, because it does. I am not going to yell just because I can. I am not going to lose my temper over things that don't matter. I am not going to yell because I have to take 5 seconds out of my life to do something. I am going to keep my cool. I am going to remember what it feels like to be yelled at unceasingly, and the yearning to make it stop. To make it stop. Stop. And not being able to make it stop. I am going to remember coming home in a very cheerful mood and having it be ruined by a yelling tornado that destroys everything in its path, wanting so much to be happy but I just can't be because the yelling never stops. When I have a family of my own.
And I will never never never never marry someone who does not have these same goals in mind.

Go away, Thoughts, or I will be forced to kill you.
Why why why do you do this?

I just took the Ultimate Sightreading Test.
I've never played most of the music ever before,
and I sightread it all at tempo at performance
where it really matters if you mess up
because people will notice.

I think I passed the test.
Not with flying colors
not by any means
but I passed.

Brain: Go to sleep early!
Eyes: I can't stay open! HEELP!
Brain: Look what you are doing to your poor Eyes, jerk!
Me: Okay, okay, I'll do it, I'll do it. I am there.

then, secretly, as Ash is sleeping

Brain: You ready to roll, Dreams?
Dreams: Oh yeah. It's payback time.
Dreams puts forth the worst dreams ever in Ash's head.

My brain is a traitor to Dreams.

Headache: I'll be waiting when you wake up.

ZZZZZZZZZ

NO TIME

I wrote a really long post and then it decided not to work. Bleeh.

I didn't accomplish a single thing that I personally wanted to accomplish this weekend.
Oh well.

I think I may get fired from my Cracker Barrel tomorrow, partly due to their unwillingness to work with tough schedules, partly due to my tough schedule.
No problem here. More time for me. And if I stay then...that's fine too. Whatev.

"It's not dancing, it's...jive driving."

Come on and dance
Come on and dance
You may not get another chance

Eastman: waiting list

And so in conclusion, I will kill all flute players at FSU.
The end.

ALSO

Today we listened to an awesome recording in zero block. It was perfect. I still melt just thinking about it.

Random conversation of the day!
Me: [to Richard] You're not Mexican, are you?
Richard: No
Emily: Aren't you Puerto Rican?
we all laugh
Emily: What?
Shannon: He's not either
Emily: Then what are you, Italian?

...(I guess you had to be there.)

It's all in good humor.

Yesterday I heard a lesson that I really needed to hear, I think.

I mean, I am strong about what I want to do in life, but there are always those moments when I think to myself, "Ashley, what are you doing? You are so smart, you could make millions, you could bring the world some peace, you could be a doctor, a teacher, something useful, and yet you insist on playing that silly instrument."
But there really is no other choice because it is what I love and it is what I am meant to do. This is one of the prime decisions of my life, and yet it isn't even a decision. I know what I am supposed to do. And I will do it.

Thunder crashes
A car drives by
The clock strikes 6
The lights flicker
and it starts to rain

I am very angry right now.

-------------------------

Waiting list at NEC. Yay.

"And now I can listen to Elvis in peace."

Life is awesome.

Craig got me a tin whistle for me birthday!
Thanks, Craig, and thanks Rebecca also! You guys are great!

In a much different way than the past three years, this has been a very enjoyable spring break.

It's too ironic for me.

My senior recital is April 30 at 1:30 at IRC in Titusville.
ASK OFF OF WORK NOW.
THAT MEANS YOU.
I don't care who you are, I want you there.
If you are a stranger, I want you there.
So go.
Don't stop to think about it.
Just go.
I will appreciate it.

Seriously. I want you to go.

I just killed a big spider using the "I'm too scared to hit it, so I'll poison it with household cleaning supplies" method.
I suprised myself by how scared I was of that spider. I screamed every time it moved.
It's legs are still twitching, like it's been electricuted.
It's surrounded by a pool of windex and mildew remover.
And I'm too scared to do anything else to it except look at it.
Usually spiders don't bother me. But this one did.
It was evil.

What a good day! I've been in a great mood all day. Nobody is home, so I have freedom. FREEDOM!

I made an ultimate driving CD. It includes lots of energy filled songs, like "Walk like an Egyptian," "Walk this Way," "Jump," "Pinball Wizard," and so many others! I am so going to drive while listening to it. Yesss.

E. Amsler:
"I am glad, if you let me know, about your ideas."

Ms. Clew:
"The girls were attractive to varying degrees."

So awesome.

I like the feeling I get when I take all the misplaced items in my room and throw them all together in a little pile on my floor.

I live in Florida, and I haven't gone to the beach during spring break, and tomorrow is my last free day. I MUST GO.