2005 highlights (not in any kind of order):
Graduation and stuff
First (and second) job
First college experience
Moved away from home
Senior prom
Senior recital
FSYO
First chair in all-county (finally!)
Lots of traveling
College auditions
Lots and lots of difficult moments
Juilliard!
Religion tension
Double concerto
Beauty and the Beast
The worst night of my life (at CB)
NFA convention
Boys...they're all stupid

2006 highlights:
?

Ashley:
"Don't you think you're being a little melodramatic?"

I think I'm catching a cold.

I want to go back to school.
NOW.

I wished on a star tonight. It's been a while since I've done that, seeing as I drive myself now, and I rarely look out of the wondow during journeys anymore. I really like gazing at the stars. They always get me thinking about things.

Okay, Life. Beam me back to college. NOW.
And stop trying to be the past. It's not as before, though you can try your dardest to make it so.

From David Copperfield:
"'If he likes to fly a kite sometimes, what of that! Franklin used to fly a kite. He was a Quaker, or something of that sort, if I am not mistaken. And a Quaker flying a kite is a much more ridiculous object than anybody else.'"

Oh yeah: I had a dream last that I went to the doctor, and he told me that my sodium intake was too high. Then I had a another dream that I was shot in the foot by a member of the mafia. Coincidence? I think not.

At Christmas, my dad asked my grandma, "So what did you think of the first half?" (the first half, of course, regarding football).

My grandma replied, "The first half of what...the cheesecake?"

Stop it.

I like
morning dew
saying "thank you"
friends from peru
pictures I drew
Nancy C. Clew
to make a debut
going to the zoo
and, of course, you.

I don't like
getting the flu
too much tatoo
saying adieu
feeling blue
committing taboo
books overdue.

I like
skipping the stone
men with cologne
exploring unknown.

I don't like
talking on the phone
feeling alone
toenails ingrown.

I like
chocolate pie
learning to fly
life makes when it's high
the clear, blue sky
friday fish fry
your beautiful eye
others, when they try.

I don't like
saying goodbye
being very shy
hearing a lie
a delayed reply
a very long sigh.

I like
saying a prayer
maybe some flair
you, when you care
socks in their pair
complexion so fair
to well well prepare
feeling aware

I don't like
things quite unfair
a very bad scare
they angrily swear
a very long stare
too much despair
lots of hot air

I really, really, really need to practice.

I have felt many emotions this past week.
The majority of them have been good emotions,
but I have
still
never
cried.

P.S. Why are my posts always so stupid?
P.S.S. Everyone go to Disney to see Craig play with Christmas Brass.

There's lots I could write about, but I will save it all for later.

Have a merry time celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. Have a merry Christmas.

Cowabunga, Ashley?

I liked King Kong because he did everything that I want to do. A lot of times when I'm angry, I feel like biting people's heads off and smashing cars. But I can't because I'm human. But Kong. Man. That's raw emotion.

A lot of times I tell myself that if I don't practice a lot today, I will make the time up tomorrow. Well, I've come to realize that that's not the way it works. You can't put anything off for a day--or even for a minute. If I don't do it right now, the next moment will surely bring an unexpected happening that steals time. Life is unbelieveably unpredictable, and you have to use the time you have. If you think you are going to have time tomorrow, you may be right. But you also may be wrong. If you don't do it now, it may very well NEVER HAPPEN. Don't say that you will do it later, because you will not do it later. Do it NOW.

I got straight A's, but I'm sure nobody cares...


...not even me.

It's good to see everyone again.

I noticed today that I am a lot more bold than I was before. Well...maybe bold isn't the right word. Just less afraid, I guess. Again, it's the whole "I had no idea that this was a problem before" thing. I had no idea that I was afraid, that I was feeling all that tension. It was a part of me. But now that it's gone, it's wonderful. Things are much more fun now that I don't worry anymore. Why was I afraid?

Because you cared too much about what everyone thought of you.

I'm finally starting to fit the puzzle pieces together to figure out why the last two years of my life were not my favorite years. The picture is coming into focus, little by little.

Here's a poem I stole from my friend Crystal:

I love him, O yes I do,
He's for me, not for you,
And if by chance you take my place,
I'll take my fist and smash your face

Haha!

Just remember, Ashley, your motto for life: everything happens for a reason.

"One day I saw the sun set forty-four times!" And a little later you added, "You know, when you're feeling very sad, sunsets are wonderful..."

"On the day of the forty-four times, were you feeling very sad?"

But the little prince didn't answer.

I don't know how I lived here before.

Okay, so real post time.

SO. I wake up today and my car's passenger window is smashed. You'd think that someone mean enough to smash a car window would steal something from inside, but I guess my criminal was mean AND stupid because everything is still intact.

ALSO

This is St Teresa's first Christmas with the new music director. He's a REAL organist, and from what I've seen, he's done a great job of saving the dying music ministry there. So since I was in town, I offered to play flute at a Christmas mass. He assigned me to midnight mass, alongside Mr. Tarausi (who plays trumpet), a "professional violinist" (apparently recommended by Igor, I don't know), and the regular adult choir. Flute, trumpet, violin, and choir seems like a strange combination to me, but I'm not complaining.
So apparently he arranges all the music himself. He send me my parts through email, I just got them today...and they're crazy! This man wrote a whole cantata by himself, written specifically for the instruments available to him. And he even knows what the range of flute is! (even though he doesn't use it that often...most of my stuff is in the staff, but whatev.) I'm impressed, that's all I have to say. This music is going to be good.

He's kinda like Bach, ya know, like, he plays organ really well, and he writes all these things for church service...except he's most likely not as cool as Bach was. Though it is likely that he is just as underappreciated.

I'm really tired.

Lots of stuff...

So I went to Magic Kingdom last night to see Mickey's "Very Merry Christmas Party," where Craig plays some trombone and smiles the cheesy Disney grin.

On the monarail on the way there, my mom said to me, "The last time we came here during Chritsmas time was when you were six months old."
There was a little girl sitting next to us, and she looked over at me for a second and then said, "That must have been a looooooooong time ago."

I got an A in nutrition!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm-a comin home!

P.S. I'm getting free Christmas cookies tonight, and you are not.

Me, to the girl next to me in nutrition: "While walking here, did you get the feeling at all that you were walking to your doom?"

Her: "That would describe it perfectly."

Since I've been at college, procrastination has slowly become a part of me. It is so integrated into my daily life now that I hardly even notice it anymore.
There are different levels of procrastination. As you go down in number, the procrastinaion becomes more and more useless and less accpetable:

1) The first level is practicing. Some wouldn't consider this procrastination, but you wouldn't believe how may times I should be writing a paper but find myself practicing instead. This is the most acceptable and productive form of procrastination, and I spend the most time doing it.

2) Checking email. I have two email accounts, and I check them both at the very least three times a day. This is something I would have to do anyway, so it's semiproductive, but I do it obessively, wasting time. Also, checking email gets me sitting in front of the computer, which often leads to the more deadly forms of procrastination seen below.

3) Checking livejournal and facebook. I also check these websites obesessively. Livejournal usually doesn't take that long to check (though I can check it at 5 minute intervals), but there are so many different aspects of facebook to delve into that I can spend a good hour just exploring the site. One could make the argument that these sites help keep in touch with people, so it's also semiuseful. These website may be fatal at times.

4) Playing spider solitiare and freecell. One game seems so innocent. If I win the game, I'll have to play again to see if I have a "winning streak" going, and if I lose, I'll have to play until I win. And then I have to give the other game a go while I'm at it. I never lose freecell, so I refuse to just lazily go through the game and make a stupid mistake, so sometimes I just sit there and stare at the screen for extended amounts of time, just trying to figure out what to do. These games seem the most attractive when I have something important to do.

5) Checking myspace: my ultimate form of procrastination. I really hate that website, so I try to avoid it at all costs. When I check myspace, I know I'm really trying to procrastinate. Unfortunately, I usually end up checking it about once a day, which is really saying something about my procrastination skills. But whenever I check it, I make sure not to get sidetracked. I just check and leave, maybe write something on the flute group message board. What a disgusting website.

You may have noticed that writing in my blogger is not on the list. This is because the time I spend writing in blogger has not increased since I've been at college, I don't ever really use it to procrastinate: it's just something I do when I feel like it.

So there you have it. What should I do now? A nice game of spider solitaire sounds good...

Exams, study, blah blah blah...

I got a bunch of CDs today from the music library, and it made me so happy. I feel like it's my birthday. It's the first time I've really taken advantage of the music library for CDs that I have always wanted but never gotten. Here are JUST SOME of the things on my many CDs:

Complete collection of Brahms symphonies
Paula Robison playing Barber and Copland and other stuff
Copland! Lots of stuff (I can't get enough of his music)
"Visionary duos" for flute and piano
Beethoven symphonies: 1, 3, 7, 8, 9
And some stuff by Stravinsky, Bach, Mendelssohn, Mahler, Bruckner, Strauss, Hindemith, and Shubert.

I know, you're jealous.

People, look east. The time is near
Of the crowning of the year.
Make your house fair as you are able,
Trim the hearth and set the table.
People, look east and sing today:
Love the guest is on the way.

Ashley: keep your window clean.

Today was great, even though I didn't do anything productive.

Note to self:
Move car
Copy music
Return music to library
Don't forget meeting at 5:35 tomorrow
Third inversion dominant resolves to first inversion tonic
There is something else that I am forgetting: remember it.
Turn in program for recital credit
E-mail Deanna lesson times

FLUTE GALA RECITAL
Today! Dec 10
1:00 PM
Lindsey Recital Hall
This is what I auditioned for (and made!). I'm playing Massenet's Meditation from Thais. Also, flute choir is playing (yay). And some other people are playing too.

A girl named Ashley Stahl from a college called "Redlands" wanted to be my friend on facebook.

I rejected her.

I listen to Bob Marley on Fridays in memory of Magister. My roomate thinks I'm crazy.

Man I miss you.

Mr. Muscle sez:
"I want a mint chocolate milkshake!"

I had a fight with Tchiakovsky yesterday. It wasn't pretty. Our friendship is over.

Stravinsky is not as mean as he used to be, though.

Originally, I was going to be in band at Interlochen. About a week before I left, I got a letter that switched me from band to orchestra. Someone had obviously dropped out, and I was the next in line to take her place. I dreamed about winning the concerto competition and playing principle in the World Youth Symphony Orchestra, but I knew that realisticly (sp?), neither of those would really happen. After all, I just barely made it into orchestra.

When I arrived at Interlochen, I was amazed and scared. I didn't know anybody, and I didn't know how to get anywhere. And everyone was really good. And although I didn't exactly have a bad first audition, I know that I could've done better. I was completely intimidated.
I ended up near the end, as I had expected. I was third chair in the second orchestra, but I had a great time. The flute section was good, and I got to play piccolo a lot.

Being the ambitious person that I am (and was), I wanted to do better at the second audition. The flutes in my orchestra were good, yes, but I knew that I had one thing over them: drive. So I practiced. I practiced a lot. I practiced when I had an hour break between classes. I practiced instead of getting ice cream. I practiced during the dances. I practiced whenever I could. And I'm pretty sure that I got a lot better.

I was so nervous for my second audition. I was scheduled as the first person to audition (not by my choice, by the way), and I woke up almost shaking. This is the culmination of all my past work. This is the day. I got to the audition site before anyone else, and I practiced outside. It calmed me down just a little.

Slowly, more flute players arrived to warm up and my heart started beating again. I tried not to pay attention to them. Finally, the auditioners came. They had trouble unlocking the door to the room, so we all started nervously chatting with each other. A few minutes later, it was time. During my audition, I felt strangely calm and happy. Again, I didn't do my best, but, considering the circumstances, I was happy with the music that came out of my flute. I was a bit depressed afterward that I had practiced so hard with a less-than-best result. I avoided people so they wouldn't ask me how my audition went.

I read a little and practiced piano. It was all trying to take my mind off the auditions. Somethings worked, some things didn't, but the weight was not lifted off me, so to speak. It was so stressful. Later in the day, I had a concert and then watched a concert (a WYSO concert, ironically enough). It was such a hard day, waiting for the results. They meant so much to me.

Throughout the day, I heard about others' auditions. Most people were not happy. Some said they did horribly. By the time it was time to look at the results, I thought I had a decent shot at making WYSO, the top orchestra. I secretly wondered if I should have been in WYSO before, but I don't complain about such things. I really admired some of the flute players there, so I was just aiming for a spot in WYSO.

I practically ran back from the WYSO concert to catch the audition results, but when I got there, they weren't up yet. As soon as someone said they'd be up tomorrow, a golf cart drove up with one of the orchestra managers seated in it, clutching a stack of papers...the results!!! My heart started beating on overload. For some reason, I get even more nervous when I see results than when I audition.

The manager takes a long time--it seemed like eternity!-- to post the results. When she walked away, a hoard of people crowded around to get a look. The orchestra results were on top, and I was being crowded out , so I had a hard time seeing. My eyes slowly started to focus. I finally found what I was looking for. Little by little I could make out "Worl Youth Symphony Orchestra." I found the word "flute," but I couldn't read any of the names. I climbed onto a nearby ledge and leaned in a little closer. Finally I saw that right below the word "flute" read "1. Ashley Stahl."

I shouted "WHAT!?!" and ran back to the cabin as fast as I could (which was a difficult feat, with the shoes I was wearing.) I burst through the door and breathlessly shouted to those present, "I MADE FIRST CHAIR WYSO!!!!" Everyone's eyes lit up as they screamed and surrounded me with hugs.
But then I started having doubts. How could that be possible? I did have a lot of difficulty seeing, maybe I read it wrong? I had to go back and check it again.

Some of my cabinmates joined me as we power-walked back to the board. The sun was setting, making it harder to see, and the crowd was even bigger this time. I almost hurt myself trying to get close enought to see. I saw "High School Concert Orchestra" and my name wasn't under "flute," so it must be true! Finally, it hit me what this meant. I MADE FIRST CHAIR IN THE BEST HIGH SCHOOL ORCHESTRA IN THE COUNTRY-one of the best in the world! How could this be possible? I kept asking myself that. BUt it was real. It really happened. I did it!

The first thing I did to celebrate was to call my parents. As soon as my mom heard, she yelled "Holy Guacamole!" Obviously, she was very happy. Throughout the conversation, my cabinmates kept randomly running by, yelling "First chair WYSO!" into the phone.
Then I called Ms. Clew, and she was also very proud. "You are terrific!" she said. We talked until the trumpet call played, and I had to go back.

A celebration was going on for me back at the cabin. The room exploded when I walked in, and "We Are The Champions" was playing on the CD player. Every single person in the cabin congratulated me, and I got more hugs that night than I can remember. Coincidentally, half of a chocolate cake showed up that night (that's big news in the Interlochen world). Someone took a polariod picture of me in a victory stance (someone sent me the picture, I still have it), and the cabin rang with the constant shout "First chair WYSO from third chair HSCO!!" It was the best feeling in the world, and I couldn't stop smiling from ear to ear.

Unfortunately, the festivities had to end at lights out, and I crawled into bed with my flashlight, my two books, and a silly grin. I couldn't sleep until two hours later, even though the cabin was quiter than it's ever been.

When I woke up for lineup the next day, I rolled out of bed and smiled sleepily. In one hour was my first rehearsal with WYSO! I felt like a princess walking to breakfast and rehearsal. Th erehearsal was just plain amazing. I couldn't believe how lucky I was, how generous God was. A friend told me after rehearsal that I sounded even better than she had thought.

A lot of people were mad about where they were placed. Yes, I did feel bad for those who had moved down, but yes I do think I deserved what I recieved. I'm sorry for them but happy for me. I didn't care. I was first chair, and I'd never be able to thank God enough. My only thoughts were "THANK YOU, INFINITY!"

Fun! Here are the first sentences of each month this year:

January:
Unlike most parties I attend where the host serves caffine, yesterday I was not hyper one bit.

February:
Eastman audition in two days!

March:
College people come home next week!

April:
When Irish Eyes Are Smiling

May:
All work no play.

June:
I MISS INTERLOCHEN.

July:
I love how God made us all so different and unique.

August:
Jesus didn't tell the crowd to leave, although He probably wanted to be alone.

September:
I'm in orchestra!.....oh wait, no I'm not.

October:
Last night, I stayed up till 7 in the morning with my suitemate and some of her friends.

November:
I didn't play as well as I could have.

December:
I was very hypoglycemic today.

I really spend WAAAAAY too much time playing spider solitare are freecell.

So, this Sunday at 6:00 is:
1) The flute studio Christmas party
2) The Catholic Student Union Christmas party
3) The Cawthon Christmas party
4) Shannon's skit thing with her church
5) The time I usually go to church

OK, guys, not funny. Stop making stuff Sunday at 6:00.
Well, at least the decision is made for me. I have to go to the flute studio Christmas party because:
1) Flute choir is playing at it, and
2) It's "expected of me."

Seeweuswy. (That's "seriously" in Ash/Sarah talk).

It's raining today in Tallahassee. I feel sorry for the people walking around campus without an umbrella.

It always bothered me just a little that you can't stand under the center of an umbrella. The handle is always in the way. The center would be the place to stand for optimal rain protection. Of course, the centrally located handle makes umbrellas perfect for two people to use. One can stand on one side of the handle and the other person on the other side. Maybe the umbrella companies are trying to tell us something. Should we share the wealth? I always find that sharing an umbrella doesn't work too well. Even with a very large umbrella, both people are going to get wet. Though one umbrella for two people is arguably better than one umbrella for one person and no umbrella for another.

They should make umbrellas wth a handle on the side for people like me who don't have anybody to share with.

I took a personality test and this was my "trait snapshot." I think it's pretty darn accurate:

secretive, organized, clean, rarely worries, solitary, high self control, dislikes large parties, prefers organized to unpredictable, prudent, observer, tough, self reliant, very good at saving money, introverted, perfectionist, mind over heart, not controlling of others, hard working, confident, resolute, solitary, does not make friends easily, finisher, does not like to stand out, very practical, intellectual, unsympathetic at times, honest, respects authority, follows the rules, cautious

I just realized how much the Simon and Garfunkel's song "I am a Rock" is the story of my life (the only change would be that instead of books and poetry protecting me, it's music).

A rock feels no pain, and and island never cries!

I have reason to believe that we all will be received in Graceland.

Thank you, happy, for making me happy.

I was very hypoglycemic today.
The world fades away. All energy disappears. It takes so much effort to do anything: to think, to laugh, to stand up. Everything everyone says or does is confusing. Coldness prevails.
It made prism much less fun than it could have been.

However, I saw the tri-state dudes, and that was way cool.

Note to self: stay away from energy gum