You live right now, not "later." It's going to be okay, it's always okay. Have a little faith.

Today I have feelings, and I don't like it.

Iron deficiency ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I think I may be going insane

Earthlink's top headline of the day:
Japanese scientists create microscopic noodle bowl

You can be the judge of that one.

PSA: Hey ladies. Take iron supplements. Because if you don't, bad things could happen.

Ultimate is ultimate.

"Which way are we going?"
-Me

I are sore.

I thought the Yanks were doing badly....and then they played the Mariners. Man, that is a team with PROBLEMS.

Good choices are better than bad choices.

I didn't advance.

It's a struggle, this business.
It's one victory among a thousand rejections.
It's never having time or money.
It's never being as good as you would like to be,
no matter how hard you work
It's Frustration with a capital F

My Brahms was beautiful

OPO audition tomorrow. I have prepared pretty hard for it, and I feel confident that I will play well for this one. There is an iddy-bitty little chance that I will actually win the audition, but I think there is actually a good chance that I could finally advance to the second round of my own accord. So that's my goal this time around. Make it to the semi-finals.

I took this same audition almost exactly two years ago. It was my first ever, and boy was I nervous! Two years of studying at the college level and a new expensive flute should at least grant me another round, right?

I did a mock audition with my parents tonight. It's a great way to prepare for the audition atmopshere, though I doubt the real judges will cover their ears and say "that's high!" when I start playing piccolo (but I guess you never know).

If I do well, Soli Deo Gloria...glory to God alone.

Okay Yankees, today is my dad's birthday. If you can't pull together for a win today, I swear, I will punch each and every one of you in the grill. IN THE GRILL. Even you, Melky.

"Mommy, can I get married?"
"No."
"But all the COOL KIDS are getting married!"

PSA: Don't get married because all the cool kids are doing it.

Facebook keeps thinking that I need to lose weight and I want a boyfriend.

That's funny.

Sometimes, I really have a hard time tearing myself away from listening to music so I can practice.

I love music. A lot.

Thank you, God, for sending music to this world.

Prince Caspian is a hottie.

Is it just me, or do the Saint-Saens cello concerto and Scheherezade have a theme (or at the least, a motive) in common?

Do any of you have in your personal music library CD's that you only listen to certain times or seasons of the year, and if you listen to it at the "wrong" time, it will immediately recall the atmosphere of the "right" time? I have a lot of music like that.

The Office season finale was AWESOME!!

Memory Lane, you make me smile.

"It's David versus David...there's no Goliath."

-Dad

There's something about this place that is so peaceful and relaxing and pleasant, something that makes it infinitely better than Tallahassee, no matter how wonderful my friends are there (and they are wonderful!!).
I look out my window and see palm trees, a fresh-cut bright green lawn, houses that look like my own, families out riding bikes together, old men walking dogs, mailboxes, lizards, an a great expanse of sky. You just don't see these things in Tallahassee. I really like it here. More and more every time I come home, I think.

It bothers me just a little when people go off to college and like "the college life" so much that they reject their roots, so much so that they refuse to call their permanent residence "home." I'm not talking about anyone in particular here (and I know you think I am, but I'm really not). I was ready to leave home too, to call somewhere else home. But you just cannot reject where you came from, and you cannot reject the parents who raised you.

This especially goes for those who, like me, grew up here in Brevard. Because let me tell you something: I don't care what you say--Brevard County is a beautiful place, and you better not take it for granted. Even if there is nothing left for you here (and most likely, there will be something left), that doesn't take away the beauty. It's where people dream of living, for pete's sake! I don't understand how a few years at college can change that.

These fires mean business. So much destruction. It's scary out there. It's all you can do but stare wide-eyed at your television, praying it doesn't happen to you.

And a huge earthquake in China.

And some devestating tornados in Oklahoma.

Maybe the end really is coming.

I love you, mom!

Years ago
Before stress existed
I would listen to music every night
As a lullaby
Close my eyes
And bask in the beauty of the orchestra
The swells and the swoops
Daydream
About the future
Soon I would fall asleep
And dream about the past

Now I listen to music before I sleep at night
The same music
The oldest in my collection
But somehow most fresh and innocent;
I daydream about the past
And when I fall asleep
I dream about the future

News Flash!
Victory for Block Star loyals! Apparently our endless complaints, calls for change, and dropping the application "tetris friends" has driven them to add a mode called "tetris block star," their version of the game we all knew and loved. Good work, friends!

I was listening to 105.1 on the way to work today and they were hosting a radio trivia show. There were three contestants. One of the questions was "Who wrote the play A Midsummer Night's Dream?"

Their three answers were Poe, Tolstoy, and Emily Bronte.

WHAT

I'm getting a lot better at spider solitare.

Jin: "Do you think she knows that he likes her?"
Sun: "She's a woman. We always know."

So true.

Yeah, okay.

So I was listening to NPR yesterday, and they played a bit from a soundtrack that Nino Rota wrote originally for Italian television, but I suppose it somehow made its way to the American big screen. ANYWAY, the film was called "The Orchestra Rehearsal," and the plot at first sounded ludicrous to me. The orchestra was a metaphor for humanity, with its sorrows and joys and suprises and everything that comes with humanity. And the conductor turned out to be God in the end.

"That's such a silly concept," I thought to myself as this plot was being explained.

But then I started thinking about it more (because there's nothing else for me to do at work than to think about things), and I realized that this plot is actually a pretty accurate portrayal of my beliefs when it comes to predestination:

The notes are already written for us, but we may choose to play the right notes or the wrong notes. And the conductor, though He leads us through the whole symphony and directs every rehearsal (and we certainly could not play it without Him), cannot force us to play the right notes. Not because He is powerless (once in a while He may stop rehearsal to remind us of the key signature), but because He chooses to leave us alone. And the whole orchestra must work together to sound good, to play beautifully.

So there you go.

Some interesting thoughts today...remind me..."Prova d'orchestra"

Charles Dickens, dudes. That's where it's at. If you have read Dickens and still don't think he's an absolute genuis, there's something wrong with you.

It seems that I have a favorite author, Dickens, and a favorite composer, Copland, that I keep coming back to. Now I need a favorite artist...oh yeah, Thomas Kinkade, that's his name. The painter of light. I saw a gallery in Key West and one just the other day in the mall when I was shopping. Every one of his paintings, every single one...absolutely stunning. It's because they always have a lot of sky in them.

Plus he painted Yankees stadium, and that is just awesome.

There are definitely worse places to spend five hours a day then the Brevard County Health Department. I like my job.

HEY, I am first alternate for the NFA performer's masterclass competition.

I am also first alternate for the NFA orchestral excerpt competition/masterclass.

It's been a successful musical year for me, but I have to say, I feel like I am always runner-up. I got second place in two competitions. I got the second-best music award. I was in the second-best ensemble. I got waitlisted at Brevard and some other festivals. And now I'm the alternate in two competitions. I mean, yes, they are national competitions, and of course I am very happy to be an alternate, but you have to admit that there seems to be a trend this year.

Understand that I'm not frustrated, it's just an observation I've made.

The thing is, these are pretty big competitions. The orchestral audition competition (that rhymes) only takes three finalist and an alternate. All three finalists get prize money, and first prize is $1200. Woah! And though I have done "national" competitions before, these are the only ones I have done that aren't actually regional competitions in diguise.

Anyway, I almost had a heart attack when I opened the email and saw "congratulations!" It's too bad I couldn't have done just a tiny bit better...

(P.S. Jacqui, this was the same recording session, haha)

I went shopping today. All that money was burning a hole in my wallet. I got a new wardrobe. That's not true, but I did get a lot of stuff. Dresses, tanks, tops, skirts, sweaters (on sale in the summer!), a new black concert shirt, and a purse. Oh my, I am such a girl right now.

It's about time to embrace the fact that I'm not a child anymore. I'm 21, I should dress the part. I've grown up a lot this year, in so many ways...that's what today was all about. Updating my style to match the changes everywhere else in my life.

However, I did not find that red dress I was looking for. We ran out of time before I could even begin to look! Ah well, better luck next time.

I help the economy. If people spent money as freely as I did today, we wouldn't have a crisis.

I really like my friends, so I get unreasonably mad whenever I can't spend a lot of time with them.

Friendship, I've discovered, is sometimes something that does not come easily. Oh yeah, sometimes friendship is easy--you're always home at the same times, or you go to the same school, or you live together--but sometimes, it's really hard to maintain a real relationship with friends because for one reason or another they are just away, not with me, for long periods of time. And that makes me sad, every time. There's something about losing friends to life that seems unfair to me. It's not unfair, I know, but it feels like it is.