I think I got the lunk alarm called on me today.
(I wanted to see how high the treadmill went.)
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Paul and I have gotten into smoothies, and I have to say... they are pretty amazing for someone who takes SO LONG to eat everything. I can crush down all these food that are great for me, mask them in peanut butter or yogurt or dark chocolate, and DRINK them without even knowing they are there. Instant!
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
There were two other flute players in the same year and program as me at ASU when I got my Master's degree. One of them is still in school to be an accountant and the other works in her undergrad college.
Out of the kids in my quintet, one still attends Eastman, one still attends ASU, one has gone off the chart, and one... is now a realtor.
"I Found Love in a Hopeless Place." Nobody is playing music professionally yet. I am the only one actually working in the field. And I'm happy! (Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof).
?
Out of the kids in my quintet, one still attends Eastman, one still attends ASU, one has gone off the chart, and one... is now a realtor.
"I Found Love in a Hopeless Place." Nobody is playing music professionally yet. I am the only one actually working in the field. And I'm happy! (Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof).
?
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Paul and I and our friend John just hosted tryouts for Del Sol. The process of picking the team, and the players' responses to getting cut, accepted, or offered a practice player role are restoring my faith in humanity. Such humility and graciousness. I'm sure that there are people sad or maybe even offended about getting cut, but they haven't communicated that. I have only heard perfect responses:
"Thank you so much for the opportunity I am beyond honored right now."
"Thank you so much for the opportunity"
"Thank so much for considering me and extending the offer."
"very awesome. I am excited to try to improve and help out del sol in practice."
"Thank you for the opportunity... I look forward to helping make the team better by bringing a high level of intensity and focus to practice each night."
(someone who picked a different team): " I love Del Sol's level of competition and the changes you guys have made to start the new season... Thanks again for the consideration.. I will be rooting for you guys at sectionals and regionals."
"WHOOOOOOHOOOOO!"
"It's exciting to compete with the best teams in our region and continue improving as a player."
"I humbly accept the invitation to play on Del Sol and I greatly appreciate the opportunity to better myself as a player and add to the teams success and their goal to earn a bid to nationals. I look forward to this club season and thank you again for the chance of playing with you."
"Thank you so much for this opportunity. I am extremely excited about Tuesday! Your team truly strikes me as an intense, spirited team (my favorite)!"
"Thank you so much for the opportunity I am beyond honored right now."
"Thank you so much for the opportunity"
"Thank so much for considering me and extending the offer."
"very awesome. I am excited to try to improve and help out del sol in practice."
"Thank you for the opportunity... I look forward to helping make the team better by bringing a high level of intensity and focus to practice each night."
(someone who picked a different team): " I love Del Sol's level of competition and the changes you guys have made to start the new season... Thanks again for the consideration.. I will be rooting for you guys at sectionals and regionals."
"WHOOOOOOHOOOOO!"
"It's exciting to compete with the best teams in our region and continue improving as a player."
"I humbly accept the invitation to play on Del Sol and I greatly appreciate the opportunity to better myself as a player and add to the teams success and their goal to earn a bid to nationals. I look forward to this club season and thank you again for the chance of playing with you."
"Thank you so much for this opportunity. I am extremely excited about Tuesday! Your team truly strikes me as an intense, spirited team (my favorite)!"
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Some thoughts that you may or may not be interested to read (boring: read at your own risk).
It's a funny thing to be in the stage of life that I have reached. I feel like I have actually done things with my life now. I've loved and lost, and found my partner. Now I find myself planning a wedding. I've worked and quit, and found a nice steady job for the long haul. Now I find myself investing in stock and shopping for curtains. I've lived with my parents, in dorms, in apartments, with roommates, with myself, with my boyfriend, and now I am living where I will stay. It's hard to make someone else's house your own. I still find myself referring to this place as "Paul's house." I know that it's mine now too. Old habits die hard.
My parents are moving. Not very far, about 20 minutes away, but being as sentimental as I am, it bothers me. They built that house. I remember when the foundation was laid, when they inserted drywall, installed the skylights. My room has always been my room, ever since it has existed. I still remember at 8 years old, waking up the first morning there, being panicked, and then remembering... oh yeah... this is home now :)
When I go back home to visit, I won't be going home anymore... I'll be going to some random house where my parents live. All the memories in that place... playing with stuffed animals with my brother, playing in the yard with my cousins, sitting in the patio reading, learning to cook with my dad, sitting on my parents' bed as my mom does my hair in the morning. Tons of birthday parties, Christmas parties, hanging out with my friends, watching movies until late into the night. Laying on my bed, unable to sleep, feeling the strongest emotions. I'll never see the inside of that house ever again.
I realize that even though it is a house, once a home, it is still just a thing - an object of the material world. I have no right to be attached to it.
But oh the memories... I can't help but be sad, very sad that it is gone. I spent 15 years of my life there. The molding years. The years of greatest polarization in emotions. It aches my heart to write all of this. How can they just sell it, I ask myself. Because they are not me.
The new house is great, they say. It's beautiful. I believe it. But it's not home.
I watched the Lord of the Rings series not too long ago. The hobbits begin in The Shire, their native land. They leave, they go on a quest, and they see many interesting, amazing, terrifying things. They almost die; they become heroes; they meet people, form friendships, and ultimately (SPOILER ALERT), they win. Throughout all of this, though, they never forget their home. Perhaps they began the quest to follow each other, or to have an adventure, but they ended so that they could go back home. To the safe, peaceful Shire, where they grew up and where they belong.
I feel like Florida is my Shire. Every time I go back, I am reminded of how much that place is home to me. I crave the humidity, the long St. Augustine grass, the Atlantic lifestyle, the thunderstorms, the beach, the tropical vegetation, and yes, even the critters. All 5 years here in Phoenix, I have missed it. The desert often still feels like an alien land to me. It can be very nice out, but it just doesn't feel right... where is the water? There is obviously something missing.
I try to make it home. It takes time to change where you are from. I am far from changed. But I have to wonder how much of that is due to the house in which I grew up. I suppose I will find out, whether I like it or not.
I am getting married, and I am staying in Phoenix (technically Tempe). It's hard to let go of the past, of your Shire. But who knows what the future holds. I am certainly happy here. Maybe someday it will truly feel like home.
It's a funny thing to be in the stage of life that I have reached. I feel like I have actually done things with my life now. I've loved and lost, and found my partner. Now I find myself planning a wedding. I've worked and quit, and found a nice steady job for the long haul. Now I find myself investing in stock and shopping for curtains. I've lived with my parents, in dorms, in apartments, with roommates, with myself, with my boyfriend, and now I am living where I will stay. It's hard to make someone else's house your own. I still find myself referring to this place as "Paul's house." I know that it's mine now too. Old habits die hard.
My parents are moving. Not very far, about 20 minutes away, but being as sentimental as I am, it bothers me. They built that house. I remember when the foundation was laid, when they inserted drywall, installed the skylights. My room has always been my room, ever since it has existed. I still remember at 8 years old, waking up the first morning there, being panicked, and then remembering... oh yeah... this is home now :)
When I go back home to visit, I won't be going home anymore... I'll be going to some random house where my parents live. All the memories in that place... playing with stuffed animals with my brother, playing in the yard with my cousins, sitting in the patio reading, learning to cook with my dad, sitting on my parents' bed as my mom does my hair in the morning. Tons of birthday parties, Christmas parties, hanging out with my friends, watching movies until late into the night. Laying on my bed, unable to sleep, feeling the strongest emotions. I'll never see the inside of that house ever again.
I realize that even though it is a house, once a home, it is still just a thing - an object of the material world. I have no right to be attached to it.
But oh the memories... I can't help but be sad, very sad that it is gone. I spent 15 years of my life there. The molding years. The years of greatest polarization in emotions. It aches my heart to write all of this. How can they just sell it, I ask myself. Because they are not me.
The new house is great, they say. It's beautiful. I believe it. But it's not home.
I watched the Lord of the Rings series not too long ago. The hobbits begin in The Shire, their native land. They leave, they go on a quest, and they see many interesting, amazing, terrifying things. They almost die; they become heroes; they meet people, form friendships, and ultimately (SPOILER ALERT), they win. Throughout all of this, though, they never forget their home. Perhaps they began the quest to follow each other, or to have an adventure, but they ended so that they could go back home. To the safe, peaceful Shire, where they grew up and where they belong.
I feel like Florida is my Shire. Every time I go back, I am reminded of how much that place is home to me. I crave the humidity, the long St. Augustine grass, the Atlantic lifestyle, the thunderstorms, the beach, the tropical vegetation, and yes, even the critters. All 5 years here in Phoenix, I have missed it. The desert often still feels like an alien land to me. It can be very nice out, but it just doesn't feel right... where is the water? There is obviously something missing.
I try to make it home. It takes time to change where you are from. I am far from changed. But I have to wonder how much of that is due to the house in which I grew up. I suppose I will find out, whether I like it or not.
I am getting married, and I am staying in Phoenix (technically Tempe). It's hard to let go of the past, of your Shire. But who knows what the future holds. I am certainly happy here. Maybe someday it will truly feel like home.
Saturday, May 03, 2014
Monday, April 07, 2014
Monday, March 24, 2014
Sunday, February 23, 2014
I am tired. I need a weekend to just rest.
We live such fast lives. Full of STUFF. I desire time to slow it down. Like in middle school, when I would sit around for hours and read books. High school, when I would walk around parks with friends and just do nothing. College summers, when I would go to the beach every weekend, lay on a blanket, and simply enjoy the sun and the surf. Some may say these things are a waste of time. I disagree. We all need time to sit and REST.
We live such fast lives. Full of STUFF. I desire time to slow it down. Like in middle school, when I would sit around for hours and read books. High school, when I would walk around parks with friends and just do nothing. College summers, when I would go to the beach every weekend, lay on a blanket, and simply enjoy the sun and the surf. Some may say these things are a waste of time. I disagree. We all need time to sit and REST.
Monday, February 17, 2014
It was going to be perfect. It was going to be beautiful, something we could share with all of our friends to bring even more joy to the already joyous and victorious weekend. It was something we have both been eagerly awaiting for months now. We fought for it - I was willing to put my body on the line for it. We were too excited, too ready.
We lost it.
He cried in pain and my heart broke.
The memory of friendship and laughter was not enough to raise my spirits today. I felt sullen, listless. Exhausted in body and spirit and in need of healing.
Rainbows are beautiful. So many colors radiant in the gloomy gray mass of sky.
The joint loss of something so precious has driven us to each other. Leaning on each other in such a time has amplified our love to glorious volumes. Since childhood, I have never depended emotionally on someone quite so deeply. It's ironic, really, that loss has created in us an unmistakable bond that only we understand. It was a moment that only we share and that we'll never forget.
Do I regret it, not trusting myself? Yes I do.
Is it for the best? Yes it is.
I trace the rainbow through the rain
And feel the promise is not vain
That morn shall tearless be.
We lost it.
He cried in pain and my heart broke.
The memory of friendship and laughter was not enough to raise my spirits today. I felt sullen, listless. Exhausted in body and spirit and in need of healing.
Rainbows are beautiful. So many colors radiant in the gloomy gray mass of sky.
The joint loss of something so precious has driven us to each other. Leaning on each other in such a time has amplified our love to glorious volumes. Since childhood, I have never depended emotionally on someone quite so deeply. It's ironic, really, that loss has created in us an unmistakable bond that only we understand. It was a moment that only we share and that we'll never forget.
Do I regret it, not trusting myself? Yes I do.
Is it for the best? Yes it is.
I trace the rainbow through the rain
And feel the promise is not vain
That morn shall tearless be.
Friday, February 07, 2014
So I was convinced by my co-worker and mother to start watching The Bachelor again this season. So I am. Get over it.
There is a girl on the show who is an opera singer. She has been working in Germany, because that is where she won a job. The way she talks, how she has been so career-focused in the past and has put everything, including relationships as second priority, both saddens me and sounds all too familiar. I can definitely relate to this girl. I doubt that any of the other girls, or the bachelor, or anybody who hasn't been in professional classical music themselves, really knows what this girl has been through. Hours of practice a day. Endless research on the pieces you play. Scheduling nightmares. Lessons, gigs, concerts, recitals, trying to make ends meet with your voice alone. REJECTIONS and very harsh CRITICISMS. Having to give up time with friends and family. Not being there for holidays because that's when you can find jobs. And singers have their own set of problems. Taking care of the body becomes a pretty high priority, because when you're sick, you can't work.
Yes, you have to make everything second priority to really, truly make it.
My take on this: now don't get me wrong... music is awesome, and I still love it and I don't regret that I went into the field. But from my perspective, sacrificing so much is just NOT WORTH IT. I escaped the endless cycle of auditions, rejections, and performances, but I still managed to find work in the field. And my life is so much better for it.
Some musicians, especially those starry-eyed ones still in college, absolutely do not know what life is outside of music. I was like that too. To me fun, used to be playing duets with other flute players... going to concerts... hanging out with other musicians and talking about our friends (who were also musicians). Music, music, music.
If you are one of these people, know that there is a whole big world out there with LOTS of things to experience. Don't let your whole being be wrapped up in one tiny little aspect. Live life!
There is a girl on the show who is an opera singer. She has been working in Germany, because that is where she won a job. The way she talks, how she has been so career-focused in the past and has put everything, including relationships as second priority, both saddens me and sounds all too familiar. I can definitely relate to this girl. I doubt that any of the other girls, or the bachelor, or anybody who hasn't been in professional classical music themselves, really knows what this girl has been through. Hours of practice a day. Endless research on the pieces you play. Scheduling nightmares. Lessons, gigs, concerts, recitals, trying to make ends meet with your voice alone. REJECTIONS and very harsh CRITICISMS. Having to give up time with friends and family. Not being there for holidays because that's when you can find jobs. And singers have their own set of problems. Taking care of the body becomes a pretty high priority, because when you're sick, you can't work.
Yes, you have to make everything second priority to really, truly make it.
My take on this: now don't get me wrong... music is awesome, and I still love it and I don't regret that I went into the field. But from my perspective, sacrificing so much is just NOT WORTH IT. I escaped the endless cycle of auditions, rejections, and performances, but I still managed to find work in the field. And my life is so much better for it.
Some musicians, especially those starry-eyed ones still in college, absolutely do not know what life is outside of music. I was like that too. To me fun, used to be playing duets with other flute players... going to concerts... hanging out with other musicians and talking about our friends (who were also musicians). Music, music, music.
If you are one of these people, know that there is a whole big world out there with LOTS of things to experience. Don't let your whole being be wrapped up in one tiny little aspect. Live life!
Wednesday, February 05, 2014
If you are ever sad and you want a pick-me-up, watch this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSpIcGSqP0A
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSpIcGSqP0A
Friday, January 17, 2014
When I was 12 years old, I was the fastest kid in my class, including the boys. But that didn't stop everyone from picking me last on every team. I just didn't know how to play any sport, I wasn't aggressive, and my hand-eye coordination was terrible. Ultimate has changed my perception of sports forever. If I can do it, you can!
Thursday, January 09, 2014
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Wellp, another year is coming to a close. I think about the best times in life, and year in and year out I boil them down to one thing: people. It's the people that make life so beautiful (okay, and the cats too). So if you are reading this and you are a people, thank you.
To old friends who I message on facebook, call, or see a couple times a year: I think about you, I miss you, I am so appreciative when I get to hear from you. To new friends, in Arizona: I value all of the great times we have together and I look forward to more in 2014. To my family: you guys are the best family a girl could ask for and I couldn't be happier spending a lazy day doing anything with the Stahls, Batchos, or Filipowiczs. To coworkers: thank you for all of the laughter, and for making work a pleasant place to be.
In the year 2013, I really have become more of the person I am going to be. It's the first year I really feel truly like an adult. Most of being an adult is cool. You can eat cheese for dinner, if you really want to. You can buy toys without having to worry about asking permission. You can do what you want in your free time, and you don't have to do the dishes if you really don't want to. The drawbacks: cheese for dinner every night will make a very large you, toys all the time will lose the roof over your head. A body needs rest, and, unless you want to spend a fortune on disposable dishes, the dishes will have to be done eventually.
I just lost my train of thought.
Happy New Year to all! Party well, drive safe, and dance like nobody is watching!
To old friends who I message on facebook, call, or see a couple times a year: I think about you, I miss you, I am so appreciative when I get to hear from you. To new friends, in Arizona: I value all of the great times we have together and I look forward to more in 2014. To my family: you guys are the best family a girl could ask for and I couldn't be happier spending a lazy day doing anything with the Stahls, Batchos, or Filipowiczs. To coworkers: thank you for all of the laughter, and for making work a pleasant place to be.
In the year 2013, I really have become more of the person I am going to be. It's the first year I really feel truly like an adult. Most of being an adult is cool. You can eat cheese for dinner, if you really want to. You can buy toys without having to worry about asking permission. You can do what you want in your free time, and you don't have to do the dishes if you really don't want to. The drawbacks: cheese for dinner every night will make a very large you, toys all the time will lose the roof over your head. A body needs rest, and, unless you want to spend a fortune on disposable dishes, the dishes will have to be done eventually.
I just lost my train of thought.
Happy New Year to all! Party well, drive safe, and dance like nobody is watching!
