Today at lunch I turned around and saw Mr. Schwindt walking through the commons area. It was the weirdest thing ever.

Yeah, tomorrow's S and E and stuff, and the next day too. Tomorrows the awesome flute trio that everyone should listen to because it will kill everyone. Saturday is Valentines Day and this is what I'm doing:
Date with Muczynski, then Lowell Liebermann at solo and ensemble.
Listen to Katie and maybe some others, prolly.
Orchestra rehearsal
Date with Pershecetti (that was pathetically spelled, I know, but what are you gonna do) at solo and ensemble
rfska,bjkqedsnm

My flutes gonna be pretty dang happy. I need to make copies of my music. I need to number the first movement.

Everything is better.

I don't understand Noam Chomsky.

whatev

So anyway, todays Florda math league was killer. I think I only got one right. I thought I got the second one right, but it turns out you cant make a triangle out of sides of one, one, and two. Imagine that.
I gots no homework, so I can really get into the book I got at the library, The Catcher in the Rye. Or practice. Or watch sitcoms and reality shows for five hours. Hmmm, work or watch tv, work or watch tv...or I could watch tv every night of the week and never get any work done. That would be absolutely wonderful!

And then have a pleasant sweet attitude at home? How does that sound?

Doesn't sound good?
Quel dommage...

At dinner tonight

All is silent
Dad: Why aren't youse guys talking?
Mom: Theres nothing to say
Me: I never talk
Dad: This is a monumental moment in time! The first mother-daughter fight! Dont worry, your mother had these all the time with her mother. I dont know if shes had one lately though...
Mom (growling): I would strongly advise you to shut up right now...
(I grinned for a while after that)

Remember all the times I said that someday I was gonna snap from all the constant yelling from my mom?
....
well, last night,
it happened.

Now I am exhausted in body and soul.
There is no emotion left.
I used it all.
Jesus help me.

FYAO concert today:
Shubert (a movement from Rosamunde), Mendelssohn (Minuetto from Symphony 8), and Cimarsoa (Overture to Il Matrimono Segreto)
I like chamber orchestra, it's good stuff. As long as you are principle flute and not second.

boo!

Today:
Breakfast
Essay
Clean house
Bike ride to library
Lunch
Practice
Calc homework
Clean bathroom
Dinner (Subway!)
Movie (self-reward for good behavior)

And all done in the peaceful setting of solitude.
::swoon::

Thats the life of a super hero secret agent ninja poet wizard vice president who steals peoples hearts away and then throws them in the acheron river.
:)

True story:
A few moments ago, I decided that I needed to blow my nose, so I took a tissue out of the newly-opened tissue box. Something inside me urged me to examine the tissue closely. As I looked at it, I noticed that the angle of light I was standing at caused tiny particles in the tissue to reflect the light, creating a shimmery sparkle that was very beautiful. It seemed made for royalty, not for a schoolgirl like me. I was taken aback that such a commonplace item (one of the items which I, along with the common Americans, take for granted) could behold such magical hidden beauty. I almost did not believe it, so I hesitantly plucked another tissue from the box. This one had the same effect on the light: a beautiful shimmery sparkle that took my breath away. After a small period of time to take advantage of the moment and admire the beauty of tissues, I blew my nose and threw them both out. After all, I have 98 more moments like this waiting in the box.


But they may never be the same.

Stuff about me that maybe someone cares to read!

LAST PERSON:
[ You Talked to ] mom
[ You Hugged ] mom
[ You Instant messaged ] asher
[ You Were Annoyed With ] myself

FAVORITE:
[ Food ] chicken, spahghetti, fish
[ Drink ] raspberry melonade
[ Color ] purple or pink or something
[ Shoes ] Dinkles. They are s'dang comfortable.
[ Candy ] high quality chocolate
[ Movie ] Lord of the Rings

RANDOM:
[ in the morning I am ] breathing
[ all I need is ] love
[ love is ] unpredicatable
[ i'm afraid of ] losing everything
[ I dream about ] dark streets with vendors and them during Halloween night/fictional amusement parks
[ I hate ] Space Coast Jr./Sr. High School, pep rallies, Sousa's "Stars and Stripes Forever"

HAVE YOU EVER:
[ been in love ] haha thatsa funny
[ cried when someone died ] no
[ lied ] yes

WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX:
[ what you notice first ] general personality and appearance
[ worst question to ask ] huh? I dont understand
[ turn ons ] sandals (a little known fact)
[ turn offs ] smoking, spitting, listening to solely rap

WHO:
[ makes you laugh the most ] lots of people. Craig maybe.
[ makes you smile ] Mr. Good Fortune
[ do you have a crush on ] Im nota tellin
[ has a crush on you ] somebody, maybe
[ is the easiest to talk to ] el flauto

DO YOU EVER:
[ sit on the Internet all night waiting for someone special to I.M. you ] not all night, but maybe
[ save aol/aim conversations ] naw
[ wish you were a member of the opposite sex ] seldom
[ cry because someone said something to you ] not after about 7 years old

HAVE YOU EVER:
[ fallen for your best friend ] ::falls off chair so best friend could have it:: yes
[ rejected someone ] please dont bring that up
[ used someone ] dont think so..
[ been used ] maybe
[ cheated on someone ] no
[ been cheated on ] I sure hope not
[ done something you regret ] yes yes yes the regretable situations are the most important

DO YOU / ARE YOU:
[ smoke cigarettes ] no
[ obsessive ] a little
[ could you live without the computer ] yes
[ ever get off the damn computer] yes
[ how many peeps are on your buddy list ] 56
[ like watching sunrises or sunset ] yes
[ what hurts the most: physical pain or emotional pain ] they both hurt in different ways. Not fair.
[ trust others way too easily ] maybe, but I dont think so

NUMBER:
[ of times I have had my heart broken ] your heart cant break if you are a robot. They dont have hearts
[ of hearts I have broken ] 453
[ of continents I have lived in ] oonnnnneee
[ of scars on my body ] 5
[ of things in my past that I regret ] 710

ARE YOU:
[ understanding ] no
[ open-minded ] yes
[ arrogant ] yes
[ insecure ] not really
[ interesting ] no
[ hungry ] a little
[ friendly ] yes
[ smart ] smrt
[ moody] not particularly
[ immature ] at times...most times...
[ independent ] very
[ hard working ] yes
[ organized ] moderately
[ emotionally stable ] yes
[ shy ] no
[ difficult ] huh
[ obsessed ] with LOTR!

CURRENTS:
[ Clothes ] jeans and tee
[ Mood ] tired
[ Taste ] granola bar
[ Hair ] same hair Ive always had...
[ Worry ] I suck at flute

I'm tired, it's been a very long week.
It's lookin like its gonna be a restful weekend.
I want to go see a movie tonight but nobody else wants to.
My parents gave me money to spend this weekend.
I need to practice, I'm good at not playing well.
I had a good tone day today.

DOOO SOMETHIIING!!!!

What is your favorite..
gum: Strawberry big gum thing brand. I cant remember
restaurant: Chefs, but Olive Garden will do
drink: melonade
season: fall
type of weather: warm and sunny room temperature
emotion: hyper
thing to do on a half day: discuss what to do the rest of the day
late-night activity: talk on AIM
sport: gymnasto
city: favo city...my hometown of Buffalo, minus the weather. Thats prolly a lie.
store: The Horn Section and Fluteworld

When was the last time you..
cried: last summer I think
played a sport: oh man...my freshman year, prolly, and only because I had to
laughed: prolly about 15 min ago
hugged someone: cant quite remember
kissed someone: its been a while
felt depressed: sometime last week
felt elated: today in fourth when I started laughing and even more elated last Fri when I won
felt overworked: last night
faked sick: Dont believe I've done that for a good number of years
lied: hmm. Dont know.

What was the last..
word you said: "Katie" if you dont count singing along with song lyrics
thing you ate: some gummi worms
song you listened to: "Complicated" Avril Lavegne
thing you drank: a berry juice box
place you went to: the computer room
movie you saw: A Mighty Wind
movie you rented: umm...Freaky Friday I think.
concert you attended: the allcounty concert last Sat

Who was the last person you..
hugged: dont know
cried over: myself
kissed: I dont like this question
danced with: myself. This is true.
shared a secret with: everyone in my close group of friends. Ah well everyone knows by this point anyway.
had a sleepover with: dont remember. I'm guessing Erin Rebecca and Alyssa. Oh yeah at Triststate. Thats prolly it.
called: the Kellys, I think. Maybe Erin.
went to a movie with: Mom and Craig
saw: my dad
were angry with: my mom
couldn't take your eyes off of: someone
obsessed over: I dont obsess

Have you ever..
danced in the rain: but of course
kissed someone: yes
done drugs: only perscription drugs
drank alcohol: no
slept around: around what?
partied 'til the sun came up: many a time
had a movie marathon: nope, but planning the LOTR one once the RotK comes out in extended version. Sometime in the summer, I spose.
gone too far on a dare: no. I generally dont take dares.
spun until you were immensely dizzy: hasnt everyone?
taken a survey quite like this before: that sounds very suspicious to me

In Seventeen magazine this month they have a "love forecast" for the year, kinda like a horoscopes but for love stuff. They said I'd be too busy with my own schedule to juggle dating too, but only until Feb. 6, when my "house of dating will open." So there you have it. Tomorrows the magic day.

Time for The Pointless Story of the Day!
So yeah, today in fourth we were supposed to be reading Hayakawa and writing stuff about it, when I turned the page and theres a tremendously funny drawing on it. It's labeled "Frantic escape from the burden of silence" and it looks a little bit like two deformed frogs sitting in chairs trying to kiss each other but not being able to. They also have poppy eyes and arms in the wrong places, which multiplied the humor to my breaking point. As soon as I saw this drawing, I knew I shouldn't have eaten those gummi worms at lunch, because I laughed as uncontrollably as Craig the first time he saw the Teen Girl Squad or Alyssa's drawing of the guy in a trench coat being hit with a football. I laughed so hard that tears started coming to my eyes and my stomach hurt a lot. Nobody else thought it was that funny. But it was-it is. I actually had to cover the picture up the rest of the block so I wouldnt be distracted from the reading. Funny pictures, oh the little joys in life.

Beautiful day, nothing to say. D'habitude.
This is a good lofe, that's what I say.
I guess I'm one of those larks she was talking about.
Ah well, what are ya gonna do.
I need to go study
and practice
practice indeed...

Sometimes people who usually call me ash call me "Ashley" and it's really weird. I'll be like "You just called me Ashley!" and they'll be like "So?" and I'll be like "Youve never called me that before" and they'll think about it for a second and say I guess not.

From NPR:
"It's 5:30 in the morning! Let's go practice."
"Okay Johnny."

Guten tag!

I think some people who complain that I don't practice enough need to try to walk in my shoes once in a while.

AM I THE ONLY ONE IN THIS WORLD WITHOUT A SICK MIND? People percieve this as innocence, or even ignorance. It is neither. I don't enjoy dirty jokes. I do not laugh at them. Maybe I do know less about these topics than other people. Is this a bad thing?

Different topic:
Theres so much more to life than I think there is. Theres so much out there that I haven't experienced. I seem to live in my own little world, with myself a and nobody else. And it's true. When you come down to it, the only person you really have to rely on is yourself. It makes me a bit sad to think of that. You can tell people what you have experienced, but they will never know what it means to you, or what it was really like, unless they become you and do it. Everyone has a different set of experiences, and that is what makes people unique and special. But it brings me down when I think that nobody will really understand what happens to me. Not fully. They can try, but they will never know. You may say something like "I can share this burden with you," but you can't. What happens to one person happens only to that person. Accordingly, I will never fully understand the actions and values of others. So in truth, everyone is alone.

Go outside for a second. Look up at the sky. That always puts things into perspective for me. Gives me a sense that I am not alone, that someone is out there, and that someone understands. But I guess you'll never know.

Oh the joys os S'mores Ritz Bits.

Now I have to go back to Earth from Ashfluteland. Oh but I wish I could stay there forever...

That was the most amazing weekend of my life and I am so serious. After you hear why you'll agree. There's no beating that weekend. I'll go in sequential order.

Friday
1) Hung out with my friends at allcounty
2) Rehearsed with Dr. Laslo Marosi (more about him later)
3) Won the piccolo audition
4a) Rehearsed with Linda Mark, principle accompanist from Julliard
4b) Got asked to play at a class with Linda Mark
5) Played beautifully at the concerto competition with Ms. Mark
6) People constantly telling me how truly wonderful I sounded
7) Listened to a concert with Michael Parloff from the Metropolitan Opera. Man he has some mad control on that dang flute
8) Found out I won the concerto competition
9) Recieved $250 and three Gilbert books as a prize
10) Mrs. Clew- "Me and Mrs. Amsler were talking, and we have decided...you've got what it takes" said with a sly smile on her face
11) Ate a fish filet at Burger King

Saturday
1) Congrats card from Kellys
2) Rehearsed with Dr. Marosi again
3) Free doughnuts after rehearsal
4) Came home to roses and a congrats card
5) Three hour nap (I'm not lazy; I needed it)
6) Went to Craker Barrel with parents and grandparents
7) Had the best allcounty concert I have ever had- playing piccolo only, conducted by Dr. Marosi, a repetoire made for kings, the works
6) Ate ice cream at home

Sunday
1) Warmed up with Rhonda Larson, a grammy award winning flutist
2) Played at Ms. Mark's class
3) Had a lesson with Prof. Amsler, flute teacher at Stetson, who told me that I, out of the college and high school finalists, was the one who was most "fresh and new." Two of the college finalists were her very own students.
4) Rehearsed the new flute choir music that I was to perform in an hour
5) Performed the Hue one last time
6) !!!!!Mr. Schwindt came to hear me play!!!!! And Mrs. Wilkins!
7) Played in the final concet with senior honors choir
8) Ate at Subway, with fresh cookies

The only reason I believe that this is all real is because I had to do five hours of homework at the end, thus missing all of the super bowl (big deal) and putting me to bed at 11:00 (no good). And I didn't even finish it all...

But yeah, don't you agree now, that that would be the best weekend of someones life ever? Well I don't care what you think. Because it was. Did you notice that every day ends with some good eats? I have concluded that there are three things which can make any situation, anything at all, better:
1) good food
2) good music
3) true friends

And man Mr. Schwindt went to my concert!!! WAAHHH!!! Thats absolutely insane! He never goes to concerts! But he went to mine! WOWOWOW

Dr. Laslo Marosi is the orchestra conductor from UCF. He is from Hungary, and he has the coolest accent I have ever heard in my life. I could just sit and listen to him talk all day. He looks a little like a chubby Dave Alex. He never puts anyone down, ever. In fact, he's always very happy, even if he is a bit out of it. When rehersing people in band, and they do something wrong, he just laughs and tries it again. I don't know how many times he told me during a break "Thanke you for de piccolo" in his cool little accent. He makes awesome metaphors, like "It's like a big sound sausage" and messes up words occasianally, saying things like "you have to continue the bottle" instead of "you have to continue the battle." Along with knowing how to effectively rehearse, he knows a mulitude about music in general, and he taught us about accents, chords, and other musical things. He also knows everything possible about the music we played- what the composer was like, why he wrote it, what the music is about, etc. He instantly captures the attention of his audience from his energy and spirit and upbeatness. And I love him very much.

This was a weekend to remember, my friends. Goodnight.

I win.

Yesterday I was dispairing a lot. I have been very absentminded lately- in the last week, I've lost papers and music, forgotten about a homework assignment, forgotten to turn in a homework assignment, and forgotten many times what I was talking about mid-sentence, among other things. Yesterday I had a lesson planned with a big name flute player staying at my teacher's house up in Melbourne. I didn't have a very good day yesterday, and I accidentaly left for the lesson a half an hour early (You gotta admit, at least it wasn't half an hour late). When I got there, I had thirty minutes to blow before my lesson was scheduled. It was just one of those days when all you want to do is curl up into a little ball and cry. So when I got there, I extended the seat in my car and layed down with the radio on, staring at the celing. I was tired--very tired--and weary of life in general. I felt like nothing could cheer me up, until suddenly that one outkast song, "Heyya" or something like that, came on. That song is so fun, and goofy, and upbeat, that I just had to smile. I think it's impossible to listen to it and not feel a little bit better about any situation. I even started laughing. Knowing about music just makes the song funnier. It's actually quite musically sound. But yeah I think the moral to this story is if you are weary and tired, listen to Outkast. It'll make you feel better.

Oh and if any of you are wondering about why I was so tired and stuff, it's because I just stress myself out about things. I'm too much a perfectionist. Thank God I have friends to keep me down on planet Earth. Everyone has bad days, some more than others.

Tomorrow is the big day. The dreaded "Young Artist Competiton" where I'll be going to the Tampa flute fair and performing Hue Fantasie along with four other finalists to see who is the ultimate Hue performer. I did this last year, and things didn't turn out too well. But I'm a different flute player, a different performer, a different person than last year. And I like the song a lot more, which helps a lot. I'm hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. We'll see what happens, wish me luck!

Also Saturday is the allcounty band concert. Contact me for tickets if anyone wants to go. We're playing a bunch of Hungarian pieces, it should be interesting.

My accompanist can't make it because of a blizzard in New York. Now I might have to practice in Tampa after allcounty tomorrow. Oh joy.

I study too much and don't leave enough time for practicing. I also waste too much time on the computer and don't leave enough time for practicing. I need to practice. I have a test tomorrow that I need to study for. And I need to practice. The competition is this Friday. I rehearse with my accompanist this Thursday. There is a day long rehearsal on Friday for allcounty and a three hour one on Thursday. It's gonna be great. Sorta. My stress is building up, but I'm trying to keep it down. A stressful mood is no mood to be in for a competition.

I don't like being at home. I like being at school better. I like school and school environment, with people my age. They are fun. It gets annoying at times, but no one really bothers me from doing what I need to, because everyone does what they need to. Like go to class, and listen to the teacher. And if they dont do what they need to do they still dont bother me. Unless they do.
At home I have my own agenda but I have to leave it often to do other things and I get mad when that happens. It's nobodys fault really, its just theres much more to take care of at home than at school. Music groups expect you to practice at home, teachers expect you to study and do homework at home, and theres still a load of other crope to do once youre done with that, and in my case Ill never be done with that. You can never practice too much. Unless you die from practicing. That's when you know youve gone too far.

"I entered the world of highly competitive flute playing at the age of sixteen. Though I felt that the music was wonderful, I found that what lay behind it wasn't so easy. Young musicians in particular are alwasy in competition--they have to prove their own abilities, sometimes successfully, sometimes not--and often they envy each other. Like any profession requiring constant performance, difficulties and discouragements were always waiting around the corner.
Whenever I found myself discouraged or faced with a problem, I never let the experience remain negative. I've always wanted to see the naked truth, to try and face it, to stay focused on solving it. By doing this, I've had to admit that I have difficulties, which is not so easy for anyone to accept. But it's the only way I know how to solve problems.
Discouragement can be positive. Being aware that troubles can help me has always inspired me to continue.
I come from Naples, in Souther Italy, and the people of that city have a motto which is a bit rude and vulgar, but in which my opinion is very centered on this issue. They say that to obtain anything, you must have the three C's-- "cuore, cervello, and coglioni. Cuore (heart) means dreaming about what you want to do. Cervello (brain) means being sharp enough to understand which way you should run. Conglioni (literally male attributes, which stand for strength and resistance) means staying true to your path, without paying attention to negative people who discourage you.
Discouraging moments are quite common in a musician's career, and I've had my share like anyone. But if you really want to reach the top, you can't lose yourself in difficulties. Time is never enough -- you have to rise up again and again, to struggle and obtain what you want"
-Davide Formisano

Reasons Ashley should never be given power, ever:

Mrs. Wilkins running sectionals:
"Let's go over this run. We have to be very picky, you know."

Mr. Schwindt running sectionals:
"Man, Emily smells soo bad. Is everything perfect yet? Let's do a flute chior this year."

Alyssa running sectionals:
"We are starting at letter B. You gotta problem with that? (Emily says something stupid) Shut up Emily. I'm gonna kick your face"

Ashley running sectionals:
"I hate you people. You suck. Why are you here? Get out of my presence. Go practice until you die."

She said no. I knew she was going to say no. So why am I so upset?
Because you know what's good for you.
It's cruel to learn about something so wonderful only to find out that there's no possibility that I'll ever be able to do it.

It's getting to be really hard to juggle

preparation for four different music camp auditions
preparation for a major concerto competition
reherasal and practice for youth orchestra, school orchestra, and band
practice for S and E music (including two ensembles and two solos)
rehersals and practice for allcounty
practicing with accompanists for everything
practicing regular lesson stuff, like etudes and scales
having lessons with my teacher and lessons with different people which have been specialy arranged for me
studying and homework for two AP classes and one honors class (while missing school because of the above)
keeping my quarters sanitary so I don't die (cleaning)
attempting to keep up a social life
and sleeping enough so I'm not totally miserable while doing it all

without dropping any of it
but I'm happy
so what are you gonna do
you can't have your cake and eat it too
hey that rhymes
I'm a poet and this information was formerly unknown
haha now Im a comedian
shut up ashley
okay

Tchaikovsky Overture to Romeo and Juliet is pretty dang cool

When I'm on the computer I definitely want to be left alone.

Yeah Erins party was awesome. I lurve it.
Today was crazy day. Heres the scores for usage of time:

Homework comes in a strong first with a total of three and a half hours. Two and a half of those were spent trying to work out Caculus that I missed, and one was spent studying for American history (I still don't think I'm gonna tak that quiz)

Sleep comes in second with two hours. I had no problem falling alseep to take a nap today, and I didn't wake up until my alarm went off two hours later. I guess I haven't quite been getting enough sleep lately, but hopefully that nap will help.

Practice comes in third place with only one hour and 45 minutes. I've noticed my practice time has gotten longer and longer: it used to be very short when I first started playing, like only a half an hour or so. It gradually got longer: in ninth grade it was about 45 minutes, last year it was an hour, this year it has made some exponential growth so that now two hours is nothing. And no matter how long I practice, I will not get to everything I need to work on. It's a rule. I have so much stuff to work on, it's almost impossible anyway. Craig says that performance majors in college practce 6 hours a day. I need to practice more...

Sooo yeah. Ummm. Yeah. I'll go now.

Heres a story.

I thought the second flute I ever got was the greatest thing in the world when I first got it. I tried not to compare it to my first flute, but when I look back now, and it is safe to look back now, my first flute made me much, much, much happier (I ended up selling it). I only played the second flute for a short time, a few months at most. As time went on while I was playing it, small problems creeped up on me. They were so gradual that I thought it was me, and not the flute, that had problems. So I worked through it, oblivious of the flute's tricks. Slowly and surely, the pads began to tear, the joints loosened, and the screws were knocked out of line. One day, (and now I realize that it was a good day; I did not realize it at the time) I accidentaly dropped my flute and broke it. It wouldn't play anything at all, and I took it to the repair shop to get it fixed. I discussed what happened with the repair man, but he said he could do nothing about it. I was very sad to leave the flute that I thought was good, and it took me a long time to realize that that day should've been a day of great joy. The flute had been poisioning my mind, making me think I was a mediocre flute player when it was actually the flute's fault. Actually, the only good thing about that flute was its outer image; it was a beautiful thing to look at, I will admit, but it played like crap. And only immature musicians really care what a muiscal instrument looks like. A time went by when I had no flute at all, but, strangely enough, that time made me stronger. Eventually, I started looking into other flutes, and the one that caught my eye was the Powell Signature. I tried it out, and it seemed perfect for me. It had so a strong color palette, a gaping dynamic range, a shiny exterior, and, best of all, a dark vibrant tone. Trying this flute out actually knocked me into my senses and reminded me that I was good at flute and worthy of the honors I get. I still have it here at home on trial. Yes, it fits so well, but it costs a lot. The cost scares me, and I don't suppose I'll ever be quite sure if I should buy it or not. But I can't go fluteless forever, and I really don't think one is going to come along that I like more than this one. Anyway, you may be wondering what I did with my old flute, the one that broke. Well, it turns out that a few weeks later after the break, my friend needed a good flute, so I sold it to her (You have to remember that at this time, I thought this was a very good flute). She acted the same way I did towards it: she loved it at first and thought it was the greatest flute she had ever played. But that flute started playing the same tricks on her that it did to me. And, strangely enough, it makes very angry to see it do this to her. Angrier than I was when it did this to me. Because now I know it's not her fault, and I can't help her work through it. Sure, I can tell her about the flutes tendancies and sympathize, but I am not her and I cannot do it for her. It's her flute now, and as much as I love her, theres nothing I can do for her. Not being able to do anything makes me mad, but I suppose I'll just have to ignore it for now. After all, I didn't cause the problems. It seems that that flute is just treacherous. Anyway, I've got my sights on the Powell, and I've got a new concerto to work on. I need to go practice....

Moral of the story: Make sure that if you sound bad on your intrument that it is you and not your instuments fault. It could very well be your instrument, it happens every day. A sad story, it it.

Disclaimer: NONE OF THAT IS TRUE.

Speak from the heart and not from anger, Ashley. Speak from the heart. Don't say it. Don't write it. Don't...it will not prove anything...just leave it alone....LEAVE IT ALONE. DON'T WRITE IT. DON'T WRITE IT. Please don't write it.

I'm not going to write it.

Today was a very good day. First was a rehearsal. Then I wasted a lot of time with Will Katie Alyssa and Kiersten by throwing a bottle around, watching Will eat snake-like objects found on the ground, and having general wastage of time. Then Panera and then more wastage of time. Then it was the allcounty orch concert, where we sounded so amazing on Belioz that I almost peed my pants. And stuff. Then I went to Erins party and I attached some streamers to my earrings and put a the BOWL OF KNOWLEDGE on my head and stood in front of the fan so I looked like an alien. Then I got mad because of something and then I started watching X2 and then I got tired and then I went home and then I started writing in blogger and then I wrote "I started writing in blogger" and then I stopped writing in blogger.

The quotes of the day are (drumroll please):

(When Michael and Alyssa are fighting about colleges)
Shannon to Michael: "You're already in a hole, don't dig it deeper" (or some variation on the thought)
Michael: "I'm not in a hole!!!"
(He was in a hole)

Third trombone to Alyssa: "Hey, what's your name?"
Alyssa: "Alyssa"
Tbone: "Do you know what rhymes with Alyssa?"
Alyssa: "What?"
Tbone: "Beautiful"
(Ashley doesn't stop laughing for another 5 minutes)

You know what? In the past, I've always looked up to the top flute players in all-county. They were confident and knew exactly what to do all the time; they were amazing musicians and I thought I would never be able to measure up to that ability; they were mature and they never would talk during rehearsal or ::gasp!:: goof around. The people I looked up to, such as Helen, Jennifer, Lisa and Heather, are nothing like me Katie and Alyssa. Maybe it's just that I know us so well, but we seem so confused, so unfocused, so immature compared to them. I can't imagine anyone looking up to us, especially if they saw us in rehearsal. Yes, we are fun to be around, but I always imagined that once I got here I'd be like the people I looked up to: cool, calm, and collected. And not missing entrances because I am laughing at something Katie said. It just isn't so this year. Am I going overboard on the analyzing or am I crazy? Oh blast it all, I did have great fun today.

They played the game where you think of what animal people would be. I'm not very good at that, but they concluded I would either be a squirrel or a fox. I think foxes are cooler.

Tomorrows the concert, last one theres a rotten egg!

Every time I go onto the computer, my mom walks in.

I figured out why she doesn't talk about it:
"She prefers a negative peace which is the absense of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice" -Martin Luther King Jr.

But it hurts me too, not just her.

Maybe I should enforce the positive peace which is the presence of justice. As for me, I'm trying to handle things myself, but I think I'm doing a lousy job. The thing is, I'm afraid of tension too. And she just doesn't see these things the way I do.
but I am not alone...

Confused yet?

People's love lives are going crazy! Maybe it's the coming spring.

I'm finished with my homework. All is well with the world.

I made second flute, and I'm gonna play that dang part better than anyone has ever played it before!!!

Ya know, one of my many deep secrets (because they are very many and very deep) is that I actually like to do homework lots of times. Especially calculus homework. It's so satisfying to work on something and be able to do it. And be able to understand it! There are many thing in this world that I don't understand, but calculus isn't one of them. It's like practicing the things you are good at. You sound good when you play them, so they're satisfying.

Life is good when I get enough sleep.
And I've finally gone back into orbit of my little world.

I don't see how some people are so stupid. I'm not talking about the ones who are born that way, I'm talking about the ones who bring it upon themselves. The ones who don't learn from mistakes. I just don't understand it. I guess I just don't understand anything, do I?
Stupid clock.

Todays weather was cool. Almost made me want to go to the beach. And I liked the rain. We haven't had rain in a while.

Lots of songs I connect with different people or events. It's really cool how that works. For example, I will always connect the Rohan violin solo with Joelle, a suitemate form cannon. Everytime I hear that, I will think of her. I will always connect Symphonic Metamorphasis and Incantation and Dance and Pasacalia and Fuge to my freshman year. (Maybe that why I like them so much.) I will always connect Norah Jones songs to Craig because we always used to listen to that CD in his car. Theres a song for soo many times and people. This happens a lot of times because I'll listen to a cd a lot when I first get it and then I forget I have it for a while. When I pick it back up again then I'll remember the time period of when I listened to it and from then on it'll always remind me of that time and the people during that time. They always are happy periods of time and good people. Never has somthing reminded me of a bad time...maybe me brain doesn't let me connect music (a purely good thing in my life) to something bad.


Somehow I don't think I am a winner in the concerto competition.
The first american idol is on tonight!

The angels are bowling.

Soooo....yeah. I'm home again.
Yesterday Shannon called me in the middle of the day to ask me if I wanted to go to the Melbourne art show lol. I said I was at Talahassee. hehe silly Shannon.

My audition went well, as did my concerto. It's all about the results now. I'll find out about the concerto about 6:00 tonight, I'll find out about Brevard in....I have no idea when.

I need to clean my room. You can avtually SEE the dust on my furniture. It's pretty gross. I also need to study, but I'm prolly not going to...

Goodbye everyone!
Almost time to go play an $800 Stravinsky piece!
Oh oh oh I like to practice for extended periods of time oh oh oh
It's a song. Doy doy.

I'm tired. Like I said, I have a big weekend ahead of me, including a trip to Talahassee to audition for Brevard (all my pieces memorized), a three hour rehearsal in Orlando (we're starting the Stravinsky!), and my only chance at the concerto competition. It's crazy.

I don't really know what to think of the concerto competition. I don't know what they will think of the Liebermann. On one hand, it has little music in it, and any judge who is looking for musicality and expression will not be very pleased with what they hear. On the other hand, it's a crazy hard piece which is very impressive when done right. And I've worked very hard to be able to play it. We also have to play it memorized, and I'm very worried about that. There are so many sections which are the exact same but in a different key. I think I know it well enough that if I get lost I'll be able to get back on track again. But I also don't know whrere to come in after any rest and I depend soely on my accompanist for that.
If I was a judge I wouldn't give myself very high points.

I played the Hue at Mrs. Clews for a repetoire class today. I somehow managed to get really nervous and started shaking. I can't say I did too well, but it wasn't really all that bad. I got through it. Afterwards I had a headache from my nervousness. I wish I was a better performer. I need some more Alexander Technique...

Everyone wish me luck this weekend!

Rebecca is the best person in the world!

My dream has been accomplished! I finally made it into allcounty orchestra. I've wanted to be in this group for a loong time. Today is the first rehearsal. Oh happy day!

Brain: "Hey Ashley no one cares about anything you write in here!"
Ashley: "Don't lie to me brain. You've tried that before."
Brain: "It's true. You think anyone cares about your eating habits?"
Ashley: "......yemaybeno......"
Brain: "I told you! You're so stupid"
Ashley: "I know. But it comes from you."
Brain: "Hey, I'm just trying to keep you on track. You should blame that heart down there for your problems."
Ashley: "Shut up"

I hardly ever raise my voice in the house. Actually I hardly ever raise my voice at all. At least not in anger. I'll sit and listen to my mom yell very calmly and then quietly say one or two words and it makes her scream her head off even more. Sometimes I deserve it, but most of the time she's just in a bad mood. Like tonight. Apparently saying "Yep" and "Okay" means you're being a "pisspot." Actually that insult is kinda funny now that I see it written down...

I was really tired tonight. I always end up getting very fatigued (can that be used as a verb?)when I do my homework or study. I must be doing something wrong, or else I wouldn't get s'dang tired all the time. Should I try doing homework in a different room? With different music? In a different order?

Eating food is a problem for me. Not even mentioning how little I actually DO eat (though it's much more than people think. I, for one, eat three full meals every day), I think food affects me a lot more than other people. If I eat lots of sugar without any substance, I get extremely hyper for about a half an hour, and then I practically faint with no energy and a terrible headache. All my friends have seen this in action and can vouch for me. Except at my Christmas party. I don't know what was up with that. Also if I don't eat for a long time, say 5 hours, I start "fading" as I like to call it. Seems like my whole conciousness is lowered. This has been discovered after wondering why I get so tired and dumb if I don't eat. And I've had sixteen years to experiment. Pity it took me this long. In conclusion, I need to watch what I eat, not for weight or even health, but because the wrong things can make me feel very very bad. And THATS NO WAY TO LIVE AT ALL.

Celtic CD=last summer memories
I want them to be now.
I'm unhappy.
Stupid school.
Whatev.

That wasn't Sunday.

publish

She's right, you know. Online journals don't solve anything at all. If anything, they create problems. Alas, I have no comments in here, and for good reason.

Yup. My life is very busy but kinda boring. If that's possible. Not that I'm complaining...

This weekend is gonna be crazy. Rehearsal, go to Tallahassee for an audition for Brevard (which my teacher wants me to attempt do to completely without music), and then the concerto competition. I didn't know you could do one on flute AND picc. Stupid Bethany.

I've got four tens already, I think.
I'm confused. Remind me to ask you something, Asher.

Brain: "There is hope in you yet." Thank you, brain.

Father Murrays last mass was today. We sang "Old Irish Tune" for him. It was sad. I'm going to miss him a lot.

Today was one of them "boring but you gotta have it every once in a while" days.

I get more done when I don't have a lot of time.
I practiced for two hours and got all my calculus homework done today, but I spent almost all day at the allstate concert. But I'm sure if today was a stay at home day I would've gotten nothing done. Amazing how that works out.

The allstate concert (at least 11 and 12) was very very very good. Amazing, wonderful. Yes. And stuff. I was very dissipointed with 9 and 10 orch. Some of the soloists sounded like middle schoolers. Out of tune-ness and bad tone were just some of the problems. But it was not all bad, the whole group (but the violins especially) played some very musical things. The woodwinds just didn't seem to be able to get it together. Maybe they were all nervous. The trombones were very powerful, but they didn't know where to stop it seemed. And people kept coming in at wrong times. I'm very dissipointed in them.

Please don't complain to me about things that happened at allstate. Please just find someone else this time. If there is such a thing as a sensitive topic with me, this is it. I would give a lot to be able to complain about allstate.

Mmmmm. Eric didn't make it to the concert :(

WOW!

Oh bother.
Allstate concert tomorrow.
There are going to be a lot of feelings.
Mostly good, I hope.
It will make me happy to see my friends performing, and to see Eric.
It will make me sad because I am not performing and I missed out on all the fun.
I'm gonna bring my badges from the last two years to see if I can trick them into letting me into the convention center.
After all, they don't have years on them.

I have so much love to give. It's overflowing...
Who will take it? Somebody help me.
Oh Flute, you will take it? And Piccolo? Mozart, you'll take it? Liebermann? How about you, Hue? You guys are cooler anyway.

I'm dumb. But not as dumb as you.

You know, sometimes I wish I didn't have morals. I could be the meanest person on Earth. I could cuss people out and do whatever I wanted to people, because it wouldn't bother me, and I would have no reason not to do it. It would be so easy. Just to lose control, to finally hit my breaking point, and to tell everyone what I really think. I've always wondered what it would be like to completely destroy someone. But two seconds after that thought I no longer wish for these things because it would've turned out very bad. Once again common sense has delayed, and thus saved, me. I hear a constant voice in my head, especially when I get mad, that says "Be careful what you say. Do not speak from anger. Take your time. Think about what will happen if you say that." It is that voice which keeps my good tidings with people. And for that, dear Voice, I thank you.

I'm making no sense but you're just gonna have to deal with it.

No one can do anything tonight. Katie, Rebecca, Asher are at allstate. Erin is driving to allstate. Josh is working. Alyssa's out with Albert. Shannon's in Orlando. And I'm home and bored. Maybe I'll go practice so next year I won't be left at home. Or draw a pretty picture...or study...

I really love English. It almost feels like a family. I mean, everyone obviously knows everyone else, and many people in that class are friends. My friends. What with sharing our reading, it "brings us closer." I don't want to cliche, but thats really what it feels like. I am amazed with every individual in there. What a collection of bright young minds, so diverse and so interesting. Everyone has something to say, and now that we are a little more comfortable with each other, we aren't afraid anymore to say it. The teacher, Mrs. Thomas, is one of my favo teachers of all time. She somehow manages to make everyone feel that they can trust her and that they know her oh so well. I look forward to that class every day, as I'm sure most students in that class do. There's nothing like it, and I'm going to be very very sad when it ends.

Not too long ago, Mrs. Thomas said something that caught my attention. She said something along the lines of "There are some bad people in this class." Bad people? In that class? I don't know some as well as others, but I really don't think that anyone in that class is a "bad person." Not completely. I think everyone has a bit of "bad person" in them, but everyone also has a great deal of "good person" in them. Everyone does bad things, and everyone does good things. Maybe if a person chooses to do more bad than good, they would be considered a "bad person." But they still have the potential for good in them. And that is why I hope I never call someone a "bad person." Maybe someday if I meet someone who does only bad, then I'll change my views. But for now, I'll stick with that we all lie somewhere in between a "bad person" and a "good person."

Maybe I'll suggest going to a movie to my parents. At least then I wouldn't have to pay.

A bird pooped on my head today.
Approx. 10 people people asked me why I was at school today.
I got a ten on the calc quiz today.
Paid professional musicians are the luckiest people in the world.
I have a topic to write about, but I'm not really in the mood to write at the moment.

DO NOT WISH FOR SOMETHING YOU CANNOT HAVE! It brings only pain.

I promised myself that I wouldn't make a self-pity post about it. But the next two days could've been a lot better than they are going to be.

Sometimes home is an escape, sometimes school is an escape, sometimes books are an escape, sometimes music is an escape, sometimes movies are an escape. Sometimes I cannot seem to find any escape at all.
An escape from what, you ask?
An escape from myself.

My life is made up of half confusion and half stupidity and half excitement.

SCHOOL!
The Bad
-Waking up at 6:00
-Too many people in 3rd
-Not as quality a lunch as during break
-Having to think all the dang time

The Good!
-Seeing all my friends, especially the ones I didn't see over break.
-Seeing my dear teachers
-Playing in band
-Having a carefully set aside time to practice
-People to act stupid with. But none are as stupid as the the Prehz and moi
-A pleasant surprise of scheduling: I have Coach Sidoli for American History!

The Ugly
Ouch. Your face hurts me.
Hahaha I laugh at my own stupididty.

Dude I finally got my Liebermann recording, with Sir Galway. Wouldn't have been my first choice, but seeing as its the only recording out there, it's the only one I could get. And it's very very very cool. I like piccolo and I like Liebermann, so put the two together and you've got yourself some loove. We've spent lots of quality time together, me and Liebermann.

I just made dinner (chicken pot pie) with my dad. I'm actually quite proud of it.

Does anyone else ever tell their brain to shut up because it keeps saying really stupid things?

KATIE, ALYSSA, AND I ARE DOING THE SPIRIT OF INK BY ALAN HOVAHNESS FOR SOLO AND ENSEMBLE. EVERYONE WILL HEAR AND WORSHIP.
Mrs. Clew said we should give the judge some earplugs. When I was driving to Mrs. Clew's today, I heard Hovanesses (does his name have two h in it?) second symphony (Mysterious Mountain) on NPR, and it was really cool and it reminded me fo the Spirit of the Ink. I remember playing it with Alyssa and Heather and thinking that we'll never be able to play it, never. But today we sight read it pretty close to how it should be played. And that is why the Titusville High School flute section beats everyone in the world. I only wish I wasn't playing second part, but that's the way the cookie crumbles.

Also, the woodwind quintet is gonna own everyone. Along with Mr. Liebermann for picc solo and the unaccompanied Muczynski flute solo, and the woodwind choir (which is the only thing I'm not totally psyched about) They all have chances to go to state. What a good year for solo and ensemble.

School starts, crap comes, whatev.

Dude I finally got my talent show video from Cannon today. It's about time. It's pretty dang awesome. Remembering all those people, making fun of Josh how he went to the bachelor auction dressed in drag and Joelle and Melissa bought him, and Matt B as "janitor Bill," and the winning act "Two guys, a girl, and a lot of sax." Oh the memories.

FONDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

"I know what I have to do, but....I'm afraid to do it"
-Frodo, LOTR

"Fear hinders me very little"
-Me, in one of Sprayberry's writing warm-up things

"I laugh myself to sleep/It's my lullaby"
-an Avril Lavegne (sp?) song

"I am not a stranger to the rain."
-Yonah, Children of Eden

"It is time"
-Rafiki, The Lion King

Whoops what happened to the last post?
I'm scared.

Dude I gotta tell you guys about this dream I had. The weirdest dreams happen when I'm napping. So anyway, Craig's room turned into a jungle. There was a gigantic snake in the jungle and we had to get a professional to remove it. So Craig had to move into my room, and we both got bunk beds and he had an awesome CD player that popped out of the wall. I walked into the living room where my parents were watching the news, and my grandparents came over and brought president Bush. They said that his family members died and he needed somewhere to stay. He wore a red satin robe and hung out in the living room with us and watched the news. He commented on everything, but I can't quite remember what he said. Once, my mom went into my parents room to do something and I was about to walk to my room when President Bush (we called him George) went "Ash, come here." I went over and he asked me what my moms name was. I said Maria, and he was like "Maria? That's a beautiful name." Then my dad was about to tell him something and went "George" and Bush said "You can call me Charlie." My mom came back and started getting some alcohol out because we were apparently going to have a party and she said "Now George, you can't let us get drunk."
And then I woke up.

I am never going to get to sleep tonight.

Today: (no one cares Ashley) (oh well)
-church
-french toast
-nap
-research summer camps
-practice
-spaghetti parmasan
-SAT and ACT registration
-read
-comp

There are three summer camps I am considering for this summer.
-My first choice is Tanglewood institute in Boston which is way out of our price range and I won't be able to go if I don't get some kind of financial aid. But it looks so awesome. They have a Young Artist Orchestra program (6 weeks I believe), which Mrs. Clew says is the thing I should try to do. And I'm like ya right! I'm not good enough. But you never know. I'm also gonna go for the Wind Ensemble program and the flute workshop. Though I think two weeks of just flute players may just be the end of me.
-My second choice is Interlochen in Michigan (I think). This is WAY WAY WAY out of our price range, which is prolly the reason it is second on my list. There are ways to get financial aid, and there's a scholarship program called Emerson Scholars that Alex did last year. They pick 52 awesome people and give them a full ride. Pretty sweet, but me? I don't think so. As for scholarships other than the Emersons scholars, things aren't looking good. They say they give it based on financial need, merit, and program need. I can cross two of those out from the start since my parents make too much money and no camp is ever short of good flute players.
-The third on my list is good ol Brevard music camp in North Carolina. A step above Cannon, they say, and Cannon was pretty dang awesome. I doubt it is a only step above, because they actually turn people away as I have come to understand. By way of audition? I'm gonna need financial aid for here too, I think.

We just don't have the money for this. But it's gonna be one of these three or I ain't goin to music camp this summer. And wouldn't that be a dreadful summer. I might have to get a ::gasp!:: job! Or...or...do summer fine arts again! Or go to the beach every day! Heh heh. The funny thing is, I'd rather go to music camp than go to the beach every day. My idea of fun is going to someones house and reading duets or trios or something. I'm pretty dumb, ya?

Nothing useful to say, as usual.

Ya know, sometimes I think I'm very laid back about things, not really a care in the world, and then I'll do something and I'll think I'm the opposite, and I ask myself why I have to make such a big deal out of everything.

It's interesting having a group of friends who are all friends with each other and seeing how people interact with each other. There is a relatively large range of personality types in my little clique. Some people (Katie and Erin for example) just hit it off right from the start, and some people had to take some time to learn and appreciate the positive qualities of others. Some people started off being very good friends and strayed away in time. Everyone has changed over these three years, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. We all get mad at different things and take our anger out in different ways. We get annoyed with each other a lot. Often it's only because we have spend a little bit too much time with each other and we just need a break from that person. Never has a fight lasted longer than a couple days, or hours even. Because we love each other and can depend on each other. It's great to know that you have someone in this world to depend on. A big group of people in my case. And no matter what I say (because we do many times talk bad about our friends-we all do it), deep down in my heart I love each and every one of my friends and I know they love me and I would do much for it to stay that way.

Fire may burn and clouds may thunder
Heros crumble and the sun may fall
As the river circles on its endless journey
I will follow you.

I got my glasses. They look stupid on me. But doesn't everything.

The Lion King is a very good movie. There are some movies that I watched when I was younger and I loved them but with only a childish sense of action (sense of action?). Now when I watch them, I can admire the genius and beauty of the movie. Another movie that I discovered like this is Home Alone. You people are gonna laugh at me, I know, but those are two very very good movies.

I like being home alone. I can do whatever I want and no one bothers me. It also allows me to clear my brain from the crope that I get when I'm with other people. I like the feeling of just spending time with myself. Of course, I also love being with people (unless they are very mean to me). But ya gotta have the lone time once in a while or you're bound to go crazy.
Am I weird (yes), or does everyone else dance around, sing at the top of their lungs, and talk to inanimate objects when they are home alone?

I hope all my blog readers out there have a very very bright and happy and cheer-filled day!

My New Years Resolution is to

Right. Happy New Year, everyone, happy birthday Rebecca. I broke my staying up record last night. Or should I say this morning. Stayed up till about 8:00 with no sleep, and till 9:30 with about 15 min of sleep. But I'm only gonna count the 8:00 one. Little sleep is still sleep. Man that was a great night/morn. I must say the Jarvises are the best people ever, especially Amanda because she had the strength to make everyone pancakes when the rest of us could hardly move. Anyway, it's 2004...who knows what will occur this year? You never know, people. As for me, I'm gonna keep trudging along the best I can. Ya gotta have faith. It's the only way.

I miss you Erin!

This is Ashers cool thing where you use song titles to answer the questions. This one is The Who and The Guess Who. Because I'm stupid.

01. Are you male or female?: I'm a boy
02. Describe yourself: American Woman
03. How do some people feel about you?: Dancin' Fool
04. How do you feel about yourself?: Shakin' all Over
05. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: Heartbroken Bopper (?)
06. Where would you rather be?: Magic Bus
07. Describe what you want to be: Laughing
08. Describe how you live: Anyway, Anyhow, Anywhere
09. Describe how you love: I Can't Explain
10. Share a few words of wisdom: Follow Your Daughter Home and/or Hang on to Your Life and/or Share the Land and/or Clap for the Wolfman

Wow that was fun!

(exasperated sigh while shaking head) Some people...I just don't know what their problem is...

If anyone wants to do anything tonight please call me!

CtKitty9: youre prolly bigger than he is, right?
AIM buddy: by several feet
CtKitty9: you could take em

Ok I lied I can read now but I really didn't think I would be able to by now. It's 12:34 at night (and I feel all right!). Yup, my day was very exciting. I went shopping with me mum and got two new shirts and three new CDs with some returns and some gift cards. It's all good. Then I went to get an eye exam and the fun starts. Man they said the eyedrops werent gonna do anything but they apparently turned my brain off and I fainted. I don't know what happened but I remember waking up and not knowing where it was. My head hurt a lot and my whole body felt very wierd, not in a good way. My brain slowly put the pieces of the puzzle back together and I remembered I was in the doctors office getting my eyes checked. The doctor freaked out a little and kept making stupid jokes like "I'm the first man you have fainted in the arms of" and he kept rambling about how good the juice there was. Then he put some other eye drops in and they burned my eyes like ngjenjkfndnf too and he kept saying "your eyes are numb, they shouldnt hurt" like he didnt believe me or something. I contorting my face in pain and he said I had a very sour look on my face. What a dork. And indeed I am getting glasses, and theyre gonna look stupid. I hold a general opinion that all people look better without glasses. But if I can see better, than so be it. Then I came home and played mario party with ribiki and crag. Yup it was a very exciting day.

CDs: Riverdance (!!!!!), Dido (Life for Rent I think its called), and Debussy (Prelude to Afternoon of the Faun, Le Mer, En Bateau, and Images for Orchestra). But Riverdance is my favorite. I think everyone should listen to it.

If there are any really bad errors in this post its because I cannot read a word of what I wrote. I went shopping today and got a lot of cool stuff, invluding the Riverdance CD! Ive wanted that for a very long time and it makes me very happy that I finally got it. After that, I went to get my eyes checked because Im having a bit of trouble reading, especially music, from far away. They put eyedrops in my eyes and I fainted. Its because I have never hotten eyedrops before and never gainted before. I dont know what the problem was, but my head hurt a really lot when I woke up. Anyway, I have some very minor eye problems and I'm going to get glasses. It should be weird. The problems were so minor that I wasnt even a candidate to get contats. Anyway, they dialated my eyes so now I cant read anything for another 15 ro 33 hours. Whatev. At least I can listen to my new riverdance CD.

I forgot all about this till I read Eric's blog today:
"As most of you now well know, cookie dough and microwaves were not meant for each other...throw a little styrofoam into the mix and you've got yourself a death trap."

Yup. After a night concert once, everyone was getting ready for bed back at their dorms. The fire alarm went off, but for some reason the fire alarm can only be heard on the first floor. Rebecca and me were on the third floor, so of course we didn't hear it. Our counselor suddenly comes running down the hall telling everyone to go outside. I was in the shower at the time, so Rebecca yells at me to get out, and hurry and she was leaving. Not even knowing what was going on, I raced to get clothed properly and put some shoes on. I ran down the hall, soap suds still in my ears. Once outside, we had to group with our cabins. It was pretty funny: half the camp was still in formal concert attire, and half the camp was in PJs. Soon we learned why the fire alarm went off: one of the younger campers (going into 6th or 7th grade I believe) who also happens to be a flute player tried for some unknown reason to put cookie dough in the microwave still in its syrafoam package. Well, we all know how that might end up, and it was pretty much the joke of the rest of the camp. They hit it hard at the talent show, but it was cool because he was the type of guy who could laugh at himself. I don't think they opened microwave usage up for a while after that (Luckily me and Rebecca had an illegal one in our room).

Haha everyone should go to Cannon and make memories like this. There are countless stories just like this one, just as funny or sweet and just as memorable. I hope I never forget.
But you know, a good memory is not always pleasant to have. Remembering good things can be bittersweet, remembering bad things is just unhappy. There are some times in my life when I thought I was happy and stable but when I look back it was really nothing like I thought. Sometimes I can be with the people I love and still be hopelessly alone, but I don't realize it till its too late. Ah but such is life. Some things are so blinding....
But no no I don't want to go into thinking mode tonight, I want to tell the funny Cannon story. For now I'll just try to take things one step at a time. You know, its much simpler that way.
I look back and see all the perspective changes I have taken over the years, all the ways my mind and personality have morphed and I have become the person I am today. And I wonder: was it all for good? Did it make me a better person? Some things I used to care about immensely I care nothing for now, and some things I didn't care for before have become very dear to me. Tough things have become easy, and easy things have become tough. In essence, I have turned my life completely around, and I really dont know how or when or why, only that I look back a few years and I am not the same as I used to be. You may not notice it, but you are not living with me every moment of my life like I am. I realize change is a part of growing up, but becoming a different person entirely? Is that normal? Oh well. I yam what I yam.
Ya good thing I didn't go into thinking mode. Bah.

To everyone:
I'm sorry if I have ever done anything to displease you.
I'm sorry that I make mistakes.
I'm sorry that I'm such a jek sometimes.
I'm sorry if I have ever offended you.
I'm sorry that I focus on myself the most.
I'm sorry that I'm so annoying.
I'm sorry that I just can't accept some things.
I'm sorry that I don't give some things a chance.
I'm sorry that I never listen to you.
I'm sorry that I ruin everything.
I'm sorry.

Dont know where all that came from, except I was just thinking about how many bad things I do every day. Scares me when I think about it.

Every day is a winding road
I get a little bit closer

You guys would all be very surprised at the number of times the words "I hate you people" cross my mnd when I'm reading through blogs and livejournals. The problem is, I don't even know why. Just some people (most people actually) whenever they post something make me think that. I'm a freak without a cause.

So yeah, there was this one guy at Cannon and the first time I saw him I thought he was one of the most attractive guys I have ever seen in my life. He ended up in my band sitting pretty close to me, at least close enough for me to get a good view of him. But as time went on and I observed, I noticed his attitude did not match hs looks in any way. He spat, used dirty language, had little respect, and gave off the general attitude of "I can get any girl I want." Of course, that didn't stop me from admiring his good looks, but it did stop me from wanting to know him better. By the end of camp, I was making fun of his actions with Rebecca. I didn't even bother to...hehe...
Whats the moral of this story? That there's more to a man (or woman, for that matter) than how he looks, and I know that well by now. Someone can be very attractive but that don't do squat if he doesn't have the right attitude.

Wellp, I've discovered "Norweigian Wood." Prolly my favorite bittles song now.
Today I woke up (relatively) early to get a family portrait done. It would've looked better if it was later. People always look better when they have more sleep.

Shoot, I'm tired. But I have to take off all this dangmakeup if I want to sleep. And I'm more lazy than tired. So I'll just sit here and suffer. Oh the trials and tribulations of winter break living without a job or anything to do.
Allright allright I'll take a stupid quiz or something.


Your sign of frustration is....Ignoring! Instead
of dealing with problems, you ignore them.
Your theory to problems, is that if I pretend
they are not there, they'll disappear.
Sometimes this method can work, but most of the
time it doesn't. For a variety sometime, try
using one of the other methods, which are
discussed in this quiz. It might feel good!


What sign of frustration are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Oh yeah and I hope you guys had a good Christmas...and stuff. I guess. :)

Time for present superlatives! (Haha I crack myself up)

Most expensive present
Speakers in my car, cost and instillation amounting to $300, from parents.

Weirdest present
A tire gauge, from my grandpa. Weird.

Best smelling present
Bath and Body Works lotion and body wash, Sweet Pea, from Shannon. Man that stuff smells good.

Present most likely to be regifted
None. Everything I got was awesome!

Presents with a theme (I dont think thats a superlative but I like it)
Lord of the Rings merchandise: The Two Towers extended DVD, The Two Towers soundtrack, The Return of the King soundtrack, and The Two Towers day by day calendar (I'm gonna save all the pictures of Frodo.)

Funniest Present
The Lion King special edition DVD from Rebecca. I love the Lion King. I can't wait to watch it.

Best-tasting present
I don't know, but that fudge Rebecca made was pretty amazing. Kudos to that, my friend.

Most depressing present
Evanesance CD from mon oncle. Man every song on that is like a depressing breakup song or a depressing "I-want-you back" song or a depressing "I'll-do-anything-for-you-but-you'll-never-feel-the-same-way" song, but they are all totally awesome nonetheless.

....and, for the grand finale...
Best Present
Being able to celebrate the birth of Christ with my beloved family. (Aww but its true)

Ya know, opening a present you really really want or really really like is wonderful, but seeing someone open a present from you that they really really wanted or really really like is even better.

I also got to play some old school games on the 64 with Jill and Craig and Rebecca because Craig forgot his Gamecube controllers from school. Those were some good games we played back then, I'll tell ya. We went through Goldeneye, Mario Tennis, Crusin' World, Worms Armegaddeon, Battle Tanks (the stupidest game ever), Perfect Dark, F Zero X, and prolly ome other stuff that I can't remember. I even wanted to play old school Smash Bros. but we never got to it. I'm better at everything than I used to be, or Craig got worse. In some games it used to be unspeakable for me to win, but tonight I started winning. Yay! Oh happy days.
Also we played Christmas music. That was the best.

Ya know, when I start thinking about it, (What? Ash thinks about things?) I have so much to thank God for. I believe God has blessed me with a beautiful life full of beautiful people and wonderous events. I focus too much on the bad, and I often forget to count my blessings, although I certainly try to live every day as it was my last! Just one bad thing will happen to me among hundreds of good things and all I'll be able to think about is the bad thing and how it is going to ruin all the good things. And I'm sorry for that. But not gonna do it tonight. I'm here tonight to say my life is blessed, and nothing is ever going to change that!

THE GOOD OLD DAYS ARE RIGHT NOW!

Okay....that was awesome. Usually I'm not on hyper mode the whole night, but tonight I was, till about midnight. Hyper mode is s'dang fun!

Happy Holidays if I don't write before then!
Noel, Noel
Born is the King of Israel.

But I'll show them...I've got super dumb ninja secret agent skills and I'll kill them all with wooden swords from medieval times.

Every time an intelligent or worthwile thought enters my mind I repress it to remain the jolly, innocent, stupid person of the group.

Man I've been movin a mile a minute ever since school ended.
on the go
on the go
on the go go go.

Today is no different, bro.

Keep your head up, people. Its a harsh world out there. Sometimes.

My first babysitting experience tonight. Should be interesting. Pray for me, people.

Just finished LOTR: Return of the King. What did I think? I was slightly dissipointed. Don't get me wrong, I thought it was an awesome movie thats right up there with the other two. But the third book was just so amazing that it built me up for some phenonmonal movie and I just didnt get what I thought I would. Also, in my opinion some parts of it were overdone a little and got a bit too dramatic, but it was effective nontheless. I thought the first and second movie were better than the books but the third book beats the movie by far.
Still, the RoTK had amazing acting, amazing cinemetography, amazing costume design, sets, music (man theres no beatin that Rohan theme), etc. like usual. And it evoked more emotion than ever before. (Ill try not to give anything away but if you really dont want to know anything then dont read the rest of this paragraph.) Theres a part at the end where everyone was crying but Frodo and he was looking around at everyone crying and you could tell he was just as sad as everyone else was but somehow he just didn't cry like they did. Likewise, all the girls sitting with me in the theatre were crying at that point. I looked around at them and I felt the same things they did (I think) but I just didnt cry like them.
The last time I cried was at Cannon for numerous reasons (homesickness especially for my mom, lonliness, PMS, bad audition results, lost lipstick mode to start with) but before that I honestly can say I dont remember the last time I cried. I know I've never cried at a movie. I'm a robot when it comes to that stuff. Alyssa calls me a freak of nature. Yeah maybe.

Watch out because the rest of the post is gonna be complaining and stuff you dont care about so you can just stop right now if youd like.

Allright, whats with the whole deal of getting mad at me all of a sudden? I know I've changed a lot: I'm much louder, more obnoxious, more pushy, bolder, and more annoying, more girly girl, and (if its possible,) slower, along with other things, than before. Which reminds me:
Note to self: Dont talk anymore
Anyway, I know I'm all those things. Maybe its the people I'm hanging out with, which I highly doubt because Ive been hanging out with the same people for a long time. Maybe it's the stress of becoming a sort of "forced" leader. Heavens knows I'm not fit to be a leader....for anything...Maybe its just the way I was meant to be and its a part of me growing up. Maybe its the piled up responsibilities. Maybe I'm actually learning how to say what I think, instead of just letting things boil up in my mind before my head explodes.
But even with all these changes, people are getting mad at me for the stupidest reasons all of a sudden. I just want to cuss them out sometimes. Maybe give em a good kick in the head to let em know what reality is. Just enjoy life. Ugh. I need a break from people. Especially stupid ones. Oh yay we have a winter break. Thats very good.
And I can assure you that at least one (maybe more) person is gonna take this too personally and get mad at me (for a stupid reason-case and point).

Ya know whats hard? When you can't celebrate if youre happy about something. A good example was last year when I made drum major. I couldn't say a whole lot because some of my really good friends weren't happy with the results, and I was pretty much the only one happy with how things turned out. It sucks a lot when things like that happen, and it's starting to happen to me more often.

A whole new subject. Sometimes I just wish I could make guys like me. Not be able to care what other people think of me or them or what they think of other people. But it's not that simple. If they like me, either I don't know about it or there's a catch. If I like them, they never know about it because they would never guess it through my actions. Or they're just dumb. I just want things to go my way for once. Yeah I say "for once" but things have definitely gone my way before. I guess I'm lucky but I'm having a hard time seeing how at the moment. Realtionship-onally speaking, that is. I know I'm lucky in other ways of course. It just that such exciting new things are happening to many of my friends, and I'm just....sorta....here.

Last night was the devil. Got home pretty late to start with, but that wasn't the problem at all. I think it was around 11:15 when I tried to get to bed. I couldn't get to sleep until 1:30. I've been feeling very sick lately and I couldn't breathe through my nose and I was burning up and everything hurt and it just sucked. Then, once I got to sleep, I could only slept for short periods of time. I finally woke up at 5:00 and couldnt go back to sleep. Hooray for four hours of sleep when youre trying to fight being sick. But then the most amazing thing happened. In the morning, when I got up, I felt about 50% better. Magically. It was like none of that tossing and turning and feeling like bad ever happened, but I know it did. And I was convinced all night that I would feel like crope in the morning and that I'd have to miss the best day of zero block and wondering if I was gonna be okay for fourth block's exam. But then I get up and I feel better. I dont know whats up with that.

Something happy to even out all of the bad in this post...hmmm.
Amanda K and Neha and whoever bought the twizzlers in the theatre gave me lotsa candy opportunities today and it was very very good. :)

I'm in a negative mood

Oh man. The Central Steppes (sp?) of Asia in orchestra. I can honestly say that's my favorite piece of music I have ever heard. But it's not like I've never heard it before today....it was amazing two years ago too. Maybe I was just adreneline pumped today because we were going to play it, maybe I was just in a sentimental mood, but that song touches me like no other song. I had goosebumps the whole time we played it. I can't get over how beautiful it is. So pure, so exposed, so touching. Beautiful solos, beautiful melodies, sweeping crescendos that make you want to cry, man I live for that kind of music.

Also Childrens March and Variations on Hyden themes and Chorale and Alleluia, man that will make one heckofa program if thats what we end up playing. I really wanted to do Lincolnshire though :( I also really liked Liturgical Church Music. But, sadly, its not up to me to decide what we play. And if someday it is my choice, I wont be able to play it, I'll have to conduct it. What an [insert adjective here] world we live in.

Wish me luck on my physics exam ::grimace::

I was driving home today when it hit me:

WE ONLY HAVE TWO MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL LEFT. And theyre not even normal days. Theyre short exam days, which are much, much better. Plus I get to hang in Calc, with only half the students there.

I noticed theres a 2:1 boy:girl ratio in that class. Pretty interesting. And I think I'm the only girl junior. Even more interesting. It's like my music theory class in Cannon. There were ten boys and only two girls, me and Judith. Oh man those were the days. Dont get me started on Cannon, brain. I had a long conversation in lunch with Rebecca about cannon. I'm really glad theres someone I can talk to about it. I would go crazy if there wasnt. Funny how you think a month of your life isnt that long, but it really is. If you spent a month srtanded on an island with someone, youd get to know em pretty well. Thats what cannon was like, in a lesser sense. Youre with these same people for a whole month, and you all have a common love: music. And its so bittersweet because all the friends you make leave you after a month. I wonder if I'll ever forget all of them. Every once in a while I'll see someone and I'll think its someone from cannon. Like "Hey Megan!! Ohh..youre not Megan. Sorry"

Ugh I wish I was still at cannon. Pure music and friends. Thats what life should be like. And from what Craig says about college, thats what it is like. So Im ready. Oh wait I still have a year and a half of high school. Oh well high schools pretty cool too. I think...

Hello to my buds at cannon: Joelle, Eric, Megan, Melissa, Eva, Matt, William, Laura, Lauren, other Eric, Cristine, Paul (biology!), Bobby, Sarah, and if I missed anyone I'm sorry but you people prolly dont read this anyway!

Exam study time. OOOOHHH YEAAHHH!!!!

Just an ordinary day.
It's not so bad.
At least they're all friends.
Most of them.
Except for the ones who don't know I exist.
Sigh.

Yup yup yup exams and stuff. The highlight of this week is gonna be LOTR: Return of Da King on Thursday. I can't wait. The Lord of the Rings is my favorite obsession. It has everything I would want in a fantasy world. I wish I lived in that world. Then I could be an real elf instead of random people walking up to me and telling me I look like an elf. Is it the ears? Anyway, the movies gonna be awesome. The third book was definitely the best, and I have high high hopes for the movie. The first two didn't let me down. Indeed, they went far beyond my expectations. Oh man oh man oh man I'm so excited. I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait ::runs around the room a few times:: ::comes back breathing hard:: Oh man oh man oh man.

Exams. Bah I don't wanna think about em. I got my Calc tomorrow. Not worried. I could prolly get a 10 on the exam and still get an A in the class. Stupidphysics on Wednesday. Sound like its not gonna be to hard, as long as I take the time to look up the words and we actually review in class. And I gotta have a giant game and a giant essay done by Thursday for English. Thats the one I'm worried about the most. How am I gonna do all that? Along with practice and Christmas cookies (dont laugh, they take a reeeaaallly long time to make). Oh well. Dont stress yourself, Ashley. Only a few more days and its all over. Then you can focus on Mr. Liebermann, Mr. Prokofiev, Mr. Inviso, Mr. Baggins, Mr....

I have so much stuff to do and I'm not doing any of it. Good thing exams are next week; good thing I'm doing great in all my classes.

Good thing I just made 50 dollars. Foos.

At least I've trained myself to not turn on AIM. Now theres a trap if I've ever seen one. Once I turn it on, I know I'll be there for hours. So I just don't turn it on that much anymore. Not that I dont like talking to everyone, but I always have more productive things to do.
I even made me a to-do list. A real one. Now for item #1: Calculus homework. Signing off.

NUTSHELL DAY OF ASH
rehearsal
drive
rehearsal
drive
clean
eat
clean
parade
alyssas
blog
zzzzz

Yup Im practicing and doing homework. Yup. Sure am. I am there. Doing homework. Right now. Oh yeah and studying. Taking breaks to practice. I am definitaly doing all that right now. At this very moment. Right now. I am certainly not procrastinating by writing stuff in my blog. Nope. Not me. I don't procrastinate. Ever. Especially right now. Because I am good, and I always go straight to work when I get home. Like right now. I am praciting and studying and doing homework. Cant you see? Im doing it. Now.

Kay bye.

and stuff

THE REST

152) Have you ever misused a word and it sounded absolutely stupid: of course. I hate it.
153) Do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow: I think there is a reason for everything but its not necessarily pleasant
154) Do fish have feelings: I don't know, thats a question for the fish expert
156) How do you release anger? laugh at it
158) Do you trust others easily: sure. maybe. I dont know.
159) What was your favorite toy as a child? the haunted house that my mom broke when she threw it on the floor
160) What class in school do you think is totally useless? hmm. I dont think anything is TOTALLY useless but the one that is hardest to think of a reason to use is history
161) Do you like sappy love songs? if they are good music
162) Have you ever been on radio or television: no but my name was mentioned on 99.7 because I won design-an-ad doing an ad for them. They said I was cute. :)
163) Do you have a journal: yes
164) Do you use sarcasm a lot?: I spose
165) Have you ever been in another country: yes Canada and the Bahamas. I know thats lame, but oh well.
167) What is/are your nicknames? Ash. Thats all I got.
169) Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? ya
170) What are you worried about right now? my physics grade and all the stuff I should be practicing right now and exams in the distance
171) Do you think you are strong: yes
172) What's your least favorite thing in the world: world peace!!!....I mean, war. Actually not war but I dont know what I hate THE MOST. Thats making a big decision Ill tell ya.
173) How many wisdom teeth do you have? none! And Im so glad Ill never have to go through that again.
175) I need: God, music, air
177) I want: to be better at flute
178) I have: a new keyboard, and new speakers for my car! And the best dang piccolo in the land.
179) I wish: Father Murray wasnt leaving
180) I love: rock and roll, put another dime in the jukebox, baby
181) I hate: you. Haha just kidding!
182) I miss: the good ol days
185) I hear: craigs video games
186) I smell: the sweet aroma of air
187) I wonder: why Mr Sprayberry doesnt like me
189) You should: go out with me. Yes, you.

To: The fly who lives in my bathroom.
So, Mr. Fly, we meet again. I knew this day would come. Things aren't going to turn out like last time. Oh no no. I am hundreds of times your size. I can squash you like a bug. Because you are a bug. You aren't getting away this time. Take this! (I throw water onto the fly to try to drown it, but it flies too high and gets away.) Alas! I turn to violence. I didnt want to have to do this. (I punch the wall where its sitting but it gets away again.) Of course. You think you are sooo smart, with your little "wings" and hundreds of eyes. Well I'll tell you what, Mr. Fly. I will not stop hunting you until you die. Oh no. I will never stop hunting you. And when your time comes, Mr. Fly, it will be a long and painful death. I will see to it. I will get you. Someday.

Today I was talking with some people in Calc and I figured out that if you had perfect attendance to school, by the time you hit eighty years old, you will have spent 8% of your days in school. Pretty scary, huh? Not something I want to think about, the amount of time we spand in school.
Man I love that class. Everyone should take it. (Calculus propoganda)

What the hoozer I just finished that quiz and published it last night where is it? I hate you, blogger.

Time for some life lesson discussion by Ash.
Today's lesson is about risk. If you don't take risks, you will never get what you want. You should never, by any means, let fear stop you from doing something, that is, if the things you want are sensible. Fear is a good thing sometimes I will admit, but it should not hinder you from getting the things you want out of life.
So if you know what you want, take it! No one is stopping you (unless someone is). You must take the risk of failure. Try working for what you want. Increase your odds. Then it won't be so risky after all. Reminds me of that song, "I Hope You Dance." (whenever I hear that I think of "Bring Your Own Canvas" lol) She says when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance. And I hope you do dance. Even if youre the worst dancer in the world, you'll still be having the time of your life.

This is from the yellow sheet on my bulletin board. My gym coach gave it to me a while ago to help deal with fear:
Dont worry about the failures or the let downs.
Don't worry about the fear included in risks.
"Fear is right now but REGRET IS FOREVER."
Worry only about the chances you miss when you don't even try.

And I will also admit that sometimes failure hurts. But that shouldn't stop you either. You should grow and learn from your mistakes and do better the next time, if there is a next time. Sometimes there is only one chance and that's sad indeed. I think everyone deserves a second chance. Learn from it the first time and then try again.


End.

Hey guess what I'm stupid.

Oh no no no. This can't be happening. Father Murray can't be leaving. Monica, say it's not true. He's been my spiritual guidance for years and years! He's the reason my church fits me so well! He was the person who made my confirmation special because I had to have surgery! He visited my CCD classrooms in second grade! He's been there for every sacrament, everything. And the other priest has boring sermons ): Don't leave, Father Murray! I love you!

Waaaaah.

By 50 baby. I'll get to the end someday...

102) Are you loyal: sorta
104) When you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off?: off most definitely
106) Do you like your nose: A Stahl nose, to be sure...yes
108) At what age did you find out Santa Claus wasn't real?: 8 I think
109) How many pairs of shoes are in your closet: not sure. Too many.
113) Do you sleep more on your back, front, or sides? on my sides. No one ever let me lay on front ever. It hurts like heck when I get up.
114) Dog/cat? cat!
115) Do you lick stamps: no hahaha we have the sticker kind hahaha
117) Have you ridden in a hot air balloon: nope., Sounds fun.
118) Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain: ...both?
119) Favorite TV shows: Family Guy and Futerama and simpsons and some other stuff. I like to stare at the Nasa channel all day too.
120) Do you know anyone who is clinically depressed: prolly
121) Do you prefer a piano or violin: piano
122) Are you a sex addict? yes!....I mean, no.
123) Do you know someone who has cancer? no but I did. Two in fact.
124) Do you like to argue: no
125) Do you hunt: no
127) Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum: i like both. Its hard to decide. Prolly a zoo.
128) Do you have a middle name? indeed I do
129) Are you basically a happy person: yeah
130) Are you tired? yes. I think I have some kind of mental problem with sleep. Like I'll go crazy if I dont have sleep up to my standards. I'll like die or something.
131) Did you drink anything with caffeine in it today? no
132) How many phones do you have in your house including cell phones: 5
133) How long is your hair: long enough to do braids again :)
134) Do you get along with your parents? ummm.....uh.....I guess so. When I'm in a good mood and they are in a good mood.
135) What color of eyes do you prefer: intense anything.
136) First name: Hey! You asked me that already. I'll be a Titusville High teacher and say "I'm not gonna say this twice"
137) Were you named after anyone? everyone whos older than me....lol...actually yeah I was named after some soap opera character. Exciting, ya?
138) Do you wish on stars? yes. Blast those stars.
139) When did you last cry: at Cannon
141) Do you like your handwriting: yes
147) If you were another person, would you be friends with yourself: Its hard to say. Well we'd sure have a lot in common. I think people make friends depending on more than personality and how well they get along, though that helps. But how many classes and how much they have in common and a lot of other things have to do with it too.

AND THATS THAT.

Oh yeah....
I'm gonna be away at Tallahassee all weekend
Good timing, Ashley.

Heres the next 50...this is a loong quizzie-poo

DO YOU
51) COLOR YOUR HAIR: no no no
52) HAVE TATTOOS: no no no
53) HAVE PIERCINGS: on me ears
5) OWN A WEBCAM: no
56) OWN A THONG: ::cracks up::
57) EVER GET OFF THE COMPUTER: umm...yes....
59) HABLA ESPANOL: I guess not
60) QUACK: quack? sure

HAVE YOU/DO YOU/ARE YOU:

61) Stolen anything: not purposely...
62) Smoke: no
69) Depressed: naw
70) Suicidal: no
71) Obsessed with hate: no Im not very hateful
72) Dream of mutilated bodies, blood, death, and gore? ummm, no. I'm not weirdo
73) If you could be anywhere, where would you be?: sleeping at home
74) Can you do anything freakish with your body: I can bend my fingers back really far.
75) What facial feature do you find the most attractive: feet
76) Would you vote for a woman candidate for president: if she was better than the other candidates
77) Would you marry for money: I really dont think so. Thats throwing your life away. Maybe if I was starving or something extreme like that.
78) Have you had braces: yeah and they sucko
79) Do you pluck your eyebrows: ya
81) Could you live without a computer: of course
82) Do you use ICQ, AOL Buddy list, etc...? yes, AIM
83) If so, how many people are on your lists: not sure. Around 50 I think
84) If you could live in any past time period what would it be? The one with flying unicorns and magic elves
85) Do you drink enough water: enough to live but not enough to be a healthy water drinker
86) Do you wear shoes in the house or take them off: take em off
87) What is your favorite fruit: apple
88) Do you eat wheat bread or white: white
90) Are you photogenic: sometimes
91) Do you dream in color or black and white: I dont remember
92) Are you wearing fingernail polish: no
96) Do you drink alcohol: no
97) What is the best accent: I like a lot of different accents and the ones I like I dont even know what kind they are
98) Who do you want to kiss: Elijah Wood
100) Do you want to live to be 100?: sure

And thats the next 50. yay.

Guess whos in the Young Artist Competition finals?
If you guessed Ashley, then you guessed right.
Aww yeah.

(!!!!!!!!!)

Stealing from other people's blogs...my favorite thing to do...
This one is from Savannah's journal:

name: Ashley
sign: aries
in a relationship now: no
ever lived with a girlfriend/boyfriend (how many): no
ever done the long distance thing: no
do you have faith in long distance relationships: I won't know until I try
========================================================

HAVE YOU EVER~
1) KISSED YOUR COUSIN: prolly
2) RAN AWAY: no
3) BROKEN SOMEONE'S HEART: I hope not
4) BEEN IN LOVE: naaw
5) CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED: no
6) BROKEN A BONE: not technically
7) DRANK ALCOHOL: no
8) LIED: doy doy
9) CRIED IN SCHOOL: no

WHICH IS BETTER:
10) COKE OR PEPSI: pepsi
11) SPRITE OR 7UP: hmm...I dont really like those kinds of drinks. They remind me of being sick.
13) FLOWERS OR CANDY: flowers make me feel warmer but candy is wonderful
15) QUIET OR LOUD: quiet, no doubt
16) BLONDES OR BRUNETTES: dont mattah
17) BITCHY OR SLUTTY: ...er...
19) PANTS OR SHORTS: pants

WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX
20) WHAT DO YOU NOTICE FIRST: general apperance I guess

THE LAST TIME:
23) SHOWERED: last night
24) HAD SEX?: in my last life
25) HAD A GREAT TIME WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX: umm today?

WHAT IS:
26) YOUR GOOD LUCK CHARM: used to be Accu....but I'll never see HIM again, now will I?
27) PERSON YOU HATE THE MOST: I hate nobody. I almost wish I could
28) THE BEST THING THAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU TODAY: hmmm. Ooh I had one of those really good bar things in my lunch.

FAVORITES:
29) COLOR: purple or hot pink
30) MOVIE: Lord of Da Rings
32) SUBJECT IN SCHOOL: any music class
33) JUICE: melonade does that count
34) CARS: I really couldnt care less
35) ICE CREAM: hmmm. Prolly the one with the peanut butter cups in it. Or maybe Publix moose tracks.
36) HOLIDAY: Christmas
37) SEASON: fall only for the lovely fall scent in the air
39) MUSIC TO BROOD TO: Adagio for Strings, along with others

DO YOU EVER:
40) SIT BY THE PHONE WAITING FOR A PHONE CALL ALL NIGHT: if you think I would do that youre crazy
41) SAVE INTERNET CONVERSATIONS: not really
42) SAVE EMAILS: only two in my life
43) WISH YOU WERE SOMEONE ELSE: very very seldom
44) WISH YOU WERE A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX: only during PMS
45) CRIED BECAUSE OF SOMEONE'S MEAN WORDS: the only persons words that have caused me to cry are my moms

BEST:
46) PERFUME: eau de toilette (toilet water)
47) FRIEND: Mr. Inviso and Danny Glover!
48) KISS: hehehehe I laugh at this question
49) ROMANTIC MEMORY: you really want to know about my personal life, dont you?
50) MOST RECENT ADVICE GIVEN TO YOU: "Do your physics project" from my brain two seconds ago


And I'm gonna stop there for today. I'll finish later.