Heyo! This week was wild and crazy! But that's not redundant. Sort of.
It was getting yelled at by a middle school science teacher and laughing and practicing and teaching some upcoming virtuosos and listening to new and old music and playing new and old music and getting community service hours and playing with the pipers at a retirement home and Bible study and eating on the run and Beatles concert and driving crazily and praying and no sleep and senior pictures and waking up at 6:30 and waiting for a number of things and getting new floors in the house and the car going to the shop and crawling under the bed and a flat bike tire and church bells and spilling water and lizards running in front of me and cleaning out drawers and getting rid of things I never thought I'd get rid of and waiting and making mad dashes to places and getting horribly upset at the situation and dancing in my room and hoping and checking email and Interlochen in 7 days! and saying goodbye and a horse named cowboy and freecell and spider solitare and hormones and screaming on the inside and wanting to be alone and doing things that I want to do and doing things that I don't want to do and dusting and television and practicing more and waiting some more and man I'm glad I don't go to middle school anymore and keeping my cool and a man named Julio but pronounced Hulio and no scratches on the new floor!!! scream!!! and the sitar and practicing piano for the first time since cannon and talking to someone from cannon and meditation quiet time and Ibert and breaking my back moving furniture and Alexander Grahm Bell invented the telephone and man I can fit all my books on my bookcase now and a picture for the New York Phil and a college competition and 11:30 church instead of 9:30 and making my own eggs and being excited
and stuff

Okay, here it goes:
Yesterday at my lesson after I played a very fast exercise for my teacher, she commented that my fingers were very forcefully slapping the keys, and a loud key slap sound is not good technique. The pressing of the keys should always be smooth, gentle and relaxed, she said. The thing was, she could only hear a loud key pound when I played very fast (the etude was pretty much as fast as my fingers can go). We even did an experiment where I played the same excercise at a lower speed, and that time she could not hear a loud key slap. Okay, I thought. Smooth, gentle, and relaxed. But when I tried that, it didn't work. I kept pounding the keys. So it got me thinking...
Momentum is velocity times mass, right? My fingers are the mass, the speed they go is the velocity. (Bear with me here.) So if I play at a slow speed, my fingers have a set mass and a small velocity, and therefore a relatively small momentum, which means the keys aren't slapped as hard. But, when I play at a faster speed, my fingers have the SAME mass as they did with the slower speed but a greater velocity, therefore having a greater momentum and a harder pound of the keys. Ya with me? So after all that thinking I concluded that it would be impossible to not slap the keys harder at a faster tempo. One could try as hard as they could, but the fingers would still have more momentum. And at the speed I was going, my fingers probably had a very great momentum.
I tried to explain this to my teacher, but I don't think she believed me and/or didn't care. I prolly messed up somewhere anyway and I've got it all wrong. But it should be right, I think...shoot, I hear Pahud's keys slappin. It can't be that bad.

Oh, so I DID learn something in physics?

Summer band would be a lot cooler if I didn't have to wake up at 7:00 for it.

The hardwood floors are in. Everything echos now. Yay.

I'm slackin on my practicing. I've been so busy! That's no excuse though. It'd be a dream come true if I made it into the top orch at Interlochen. I need to practice. More.
Interlochen in 9 days.

This is my post from yesterday:
Craig: "Ewwww, you're listening to classical music? It doesn't even have any words!"
Me: "A song without words is like a book without pictures."

Yup. There's lots of people putting thedang floors in my house and they speak spanish all the time. I thought all that time I spent listening to 98.1 would help me to understand spanish at least a little, but it didn't. At all.

Don't send me any emails until I post that you can, because I have run out of storage space and I don't know how to clear it. And if you send me something it will just be bounced back to you.

During school I think a lot but during summer I don't.
Wellp, back to spider solitare.
Have a nice day.

This is my post today:
Ummm....yeah.
No going away party for me. Have it at the beach this Sunday, but I can't be staying up late any day of the week because I have to wake up early every day.
BC Calculus should be fourth block next year
Or heads will roll.

Do you ever get into a mood where you just get mad because people talk to you? I mean, not even people who mean you harm or anything, just people that talk to you, period. I get into moods like that, and they are totally stupid. I mean, when someone talks to you, shouldn't you be happy? But nooo, I have to get all mad. Stupid hormones and the stupid moods they bring...

This is my post from yesterday:Craig: "Ewwww, you're listening to classical music? It doesn't even have any words!"
Me: "A song without words is like a book without pictures."

Yup. There's lots of people putting thedang floors in my house and they speak spanish all the time. I thought all that time I spent listening to 98.1 would help me to understand spanish at least a little, but it didn't. At all.

Don't send me any emails until I post that you can, because I have run out of storage space and I don't know how to clear it. And if you send me something it will just be bounced back to you.

During school I think a lot but during summer I don't.
Wellp, back to spider solitare.
Have a nice day.

This is my post today:
Ummm....yeah.
No going away party.
BC Calculus should be fourth block next year
Or heads will roll.

Today was my first day teaching the little devils up at Jackson MS. It's a good thing Alyssa is there, because people tend to not like me too much as a teacher. Anyway, it was kinda fun up until the advanced students came. Then don't listen too well because they are friends and they talk all the time, and as Mrs. Lowe always used to say, "You can't talk and listen at the same time."
I like teaching the beginning students. Some of them sound so dang good! Both classes learned D and E flat today, and the small class even learned how to tounge. I love the feeling of teaching them and having them sound good because of something you told them to do. It's almost like you yourself do it. I don't know...
Well, that's gonna be my job until I go to Interlochen. I better get used to it.

Karg-Elert, your etudes are hard.
Taffanel and Gaubert, exercise four in your book is extremely long.

We're getting hardwood in my house. In all the rooms except the bedrooms. Yes, even the living room is going to be hardwood. How stupid is that? Now nobody is gonna be able to sit on the floor (especially me. If my back hurts because of sitting on carpet, imagine how much it will hurt by sitting on hardwood.)

News flash: I've gotten addicted to spider solitare.

That is all.

You have a twisted soul! Twisted Souls are never bad,
and actually are a rarity amongst souls.
These souls are a little combination of
everything, with always a little of their own
chaos to add. Twisted Souls are kind, loving,
weird, zany, temperamental, and very talented.
They have their own firm opinion, and can at
one time be very outspoken and passionate, and
the other time shy and feeling insignificant.
Twisted Souls have good senses of humor sometimes and
other times can be a bore. They can act quite
intelligent at one time, and grasp concepts
easily, while other times they find it
difficult to understand. Twisted Souls are
always very fun and kind, and can be party
animals. But, if they love someone, they're
serious about it, intense, and forever loyal.
Congratulations-the world should have more like
you.


What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla

Find the error:
http://www.interlochen.org/news/nePRpak.htm

Everything was so perfect up until today.
Well I guess it had to happen sometime.
Stupid hormones.
Grr...
I know. I'll go listen to my good friend Mozart. He always makes worries seem so insignifigant and stupid.

I played in a recital today. Me and the ol' trio played the ol' Hovahness. We got lost in the best movement. Oh well. Nobody really noticed.

I'm taking the SAT tomorrow. It's the perfect summer activity, don't you think?

Interlochen is gonna be so kickin I can't wait. I wonder what my chamber ensemble is going to consist of. I hope it's not stupid. I hope it's a woodwind quintet. Then maybe we could play Barber's Summer Music. It fits because it's in the summer, get it? Wakka wakka wakka. But I don't think it will be a quintet because they include horn, a brass instrument, and my class is called WW Chamber Music. Oh well. Maybe I'll have to settle with a bunch of really bad flute players. Haha just kiddin. But they won't be any better than what I play with now. Maybe they will. I don't know. I am so spoiled.
Interlochen is gonna be so awesome...

Harry Potter was okay, but the best part about it was an AMAZING mad flute solo in the middle when a leaf or soemthing as blowin around. I don't really remember what was happening because I was too occupied with drooling about the flute. It kinda reminded me of "La Voliere" (sp?) (The Bird) from The Carnival of the Animals. I've played that (or attempted to play it) and I can appreciate how difficult it is to pull off the mad double tounging for such an extended period of time. And some other flute solos in the score were pretty amazing too. I wanna find out who that person is. And make him/her teach me how to play.
And did anyone else notice that Sherk 2 opened with a lone solo flute? I think my instrument is moving up in the world.
Oh yes. Haha. It already was up in the world.

Allright, allright, time to do something. DO IT. You know you want to.

Shoot...I forgot that I have to wake up early.

I'm experimenting with makeup tonight...don't laugh if I look silly.

From The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King by J.R.R. Tolkien:
"As he turned and came towards them Frodo saw that Gandalf now wore openly on his hand the Third Ring, Narya the Great, and the stone upon it was red as fire. Then those who were to go were glad, for they knew that Gandalf also would take ship with them." (pg. 339)

Allright! I keep spilling water on myself.

I remember this:
My house in NY had a basement in it, and there was a set of stairs leading down into the basement. I was very young-3 maybe-when this happened.
I got a cookie from the cookie jar and then decided that I wanted to go downstairs to talk to my dad before I ate it. So I headed to the basement with cookie in hand. When making the journey down, (for it is a journey for a 3-year-old) I tripped and fell all the way down the stairs. I gained many new bruises and cuts from that fall. I remember banging my head and arms and everything on the stairs. But the whole time I was falling, I held my cookie high in the air and protected it from breaking or crumbling. Actually, that's why the fall was so bad, because I protected my cookie and not me. At the bottom I was in a lot of pain, but I stood up, smiled, raised my cookie up for my dad to see, and proudly announced, "I still got my cookie!"

I have so much time on my hands that I'm starting to floss! What is this world coming to?

"You guys aren't hard core enough for My Fair Lady"
-Asher

Now don't you readers worry, because my computer is back and it's better than ever. Soon I'll have AIM installed and everything will be back to norm.

I discovered two things today (well I prolly discovered more than that but these are the two big ones):

1) I have always said that I am a non-violence person, but this just isn't true. I will punch people up if they make me mad. I almost did it today. Pretty scary...

2) All males are the same. Everytime you think one is different, they always end up being the same as all the others. Stupid guys and their stupid antics.
Note: I once told myself that I would never write a guy-bashing post because I think they are stupid. But this person really deserves it, and it isn't for me, it's for my friend.

In other news, my summer has been the best I could ask for. Many times I wonder why my life is so wonderful, when I am so far from deserving any of it. Things never quite work the way you would expect, do they? That's why I never say "Expect the unexpected," but I say "Never expect anything." And yet I find it impossible to never expect anything. It boggles the mind (well, my mind at least).

My computer is down for a while, this is Craig's comp. (sorry I hope you won't mind).

WAH! The results came, and they were worth the wait.
Interlochen in about three weeks.
This summer is getting pretty dang sweet.

"In the Beginning" from Children of Eden
This is sung by the company of Noah's ark after the flood when they are to rebuild the human race. It's better in song, but the lyrics are good.

This step is once again
our first
We set our feet upon
a virgin land
We hold the promise of the earth
in our hands

No flood from heaven comes again
No deluge will destroy
or purify
We hold the fate of man and men
It's in our hands

Now at this storm so green and black
We pray that we may long remember
How lovely was the world we had
In the beginning

Of all the gifts we have recieved
One is most precious and
most terrible
The will in each of us is free
It's in our hands

And if someday we hear a voice
If he should speak again,
our silent Father
All will tell us is the choice
is in our hands

Our hands can choose to drop
the knife
Our hearts can choose to stop
the hating
For every moment in our life
is the beginning

There is no journey gone so far
So far we cannot stop
and change direction
No doom is written in the stars
It's in our hands

We cannot know what will occur
Just make our journey worth
the taking
And pray we're wiser than we were
in the beginning
It's the beginning
Now we begin...

Children of Eden
grant us your pardon
All that we leave to you
Is beyond norm
Children of Eden
Seek for your garden
You and your children to come
someday to come home

That's what you said last summer
Thud

Is it okay that I just ramble about stuff, since I have nothing interesting to say? Yes it's okay because I am the writer and you are the reader and I CONTROL ALL! Mwahahahahaaaa!!!
First of all my resolution to own on flute has been working wonderfully. I go for 2-3 hour practice sessions (not that I time them or anything)-every day-(that's the important part, the every day) and I can actually hear myself getting better. I practice harder, too, I don't let myself get away with sloppiness anymore. No more funny stuff. This is for real now. I've realized that losse ends won't tighten themselves up, you have to do t yourself. One thing I've learned is to switch off. This works very well if you practice every day. I alternate days on the solos, and scale patterns and other stuff. I'm currently working on two very long and difficult solos: Concerto by Ibert and Sonata by Prokofiev. They are both awesome, but I am especially psyched about the third movement of the Ibert, which will be kickin when I master it. You should hear Pahud play it, he amazes me like no other. He doesn't just make it sound perfect and effortless, but it sounds so beautiful too. Not a note is out of place, everything has direction, everything is perfect length, style, dynamic. His high register just makes me melt. I aim for that kind of sound that just floats like a bird in the sky, so effortless that anyone could do that any day of the week. Ahh writing about it makes me want to play. But alas, the family is asleep.
By the way...I am going to be the best. Remember that, ye who play flute.

Interlochen is coming swiftly, and man am I excited. Now that school is over, a lot of crope has disappeared, but I could still use a new environment. Everyone there will love what I love, will be serious about what I am serious about. Not exactly, but certainly the music. No worries about...stuff. Just music. Practice as long as I want. Two and a half hour orchestra rehearsals every day...yes, life will be good. I'm prolly not going to want to leave. I'm prolly going to miss my friends like never before. I'm prolly going to hate it when I come back to school. But oh well. It's gonna be awesome like never before.
And, as you can see, I was moved into orchestra, and I was a little happy when I found out. I'm still happy like that. Every time I think about it I want to yell for joy. I'm in orchestra! At Interlochen! What could be better?

The beach is paradise. I've talked about it before, but man. Today the water was just the right temperature plus I didn't sunburn one bit. So warm...so relaxing...how could someone not like it? Lying out in the sun makes me want to just stay there forever, soaking up the sun until the darkness comes and extinguishes the light. And then I would want to watch the sunset. I agree with The Little Prince when he says "You know, when you are feeling vey sad, sunsets are wonderful..." Not that I'm feeling very sad or anything...which reminds me, I should read that book again. Such a clever and...I don't know...quaint little book. Though I don't think I really know what quaint means and I'm too lazy to look it up right now.

I want my dang FSYO results! ::fists of rage::

This summer is going very well, everything besides the lurking College Essays that are ready to eat me every day when I come home. I do miss the new and exciting aspect of last summer-everything seemed so fresh and reviving!-but things change. Who am I to fight it?

Now I have a question for you, reader. What is more important: reason, cynicism, or faith? I don't think cynicism is spelled right but you know what I mean.

Silver and gold have I none
No land to count as my own
Yet wealth beyond measure I own
In the light of the love of the Lord

"Hey you kids, cut that out!"
-Emily

Tomorrow is going to be fun, and stuff.
Now that school is out, the intelligence has leaked out of my brain and I'm going to have nothing useful to say for a long time. See, look at the tense switch in that sentence. It's crazy talk, all of it.

Brain: Go practice
Me: Craig's sleeping
Brain: I know that, fool. Go to sleep then.
Me: It's only 11...
Brain: You'll like it when you wake up. I promise.
Me: But Brain...I don't wanna go to sleep...I'm not tired...(yawn)
Brain: You fool! Fine. Don't listen to me then. See how you like it.
Me: Okay I'll go. Pushy pushy.

I am doing a quiz, foo.

M E-
[My name is]: Ash(ley)
[in the morning i am]: breathing
[love]: what about it?
[i dream about]: beetlejuice

-W I T H .T H E. O P P O S I T E. S E X-
[what do you notice first?]: face
[last person you danced with]: cant remember

-W H O-
[do you have a crush on?]: if you really want to know then ask me in person
[easiest to talk to]: my mom and rebecca

-H A V E .Y O U .E V E R-
[fallen for your best friend]: haha no, mainly because most of my best friends have been girls

-W H O .W A S .T H E .L A S T. P E R S O N-
[you talked to on the phone]: ummm...I have no idea
[hugged]: mom
[you instant messaged]: shannon
[you laughed with]: prolly craig

-D O .Y O U / / A R E .Y O U-
[could you live without the computer]: of course
[what's your favorite food?]: spaghetti
[whats your favorite fruit?]: apple
[what hurts the most?]: what kind of a question is that?

-N U M B E R-
[of times i have had my heart broken? ]: mid twenties
[of hearts i have broken?] : around 11
[of boys i have kissed?] : 24
[of girls i have kissed?] : 2
[of drugs taken illegally?] : 5004 (by the way all the past numbers were not real)
[of tight friends?] : too lazy to count
[of cd's that i own?]: a lot
[of scars on my body?] : a couple
[of things in my past that i regret?] : woah now...thats crazy talk

-O.T.H.E.R.T.H.I.N.G.S.-
[i know]: how to play the flute
[i want]: to serve God
[i have]: stuff
[i wish]: upon a star
[i hate]: some things that I shouldn't
[i miss]: my friends from cannon
[i fear]: myself
[i hear]: piano scales and a metronome
[i search]: for answers
[i love]: kitties
[i ache]: if I lie on my stomach
[i care]: about you
[i always]: breathe
[i dance]: the jitterbug!
[i cry]: no I don't
[i do not always]: do what I should
[i write]: freely
[i confuse]: my competition
[i can usually be found]: wanting to practice
[i need]: love
[have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing]: no
[favorite place to be kissed?]: i don't know
[have you ever been caught "doing something"]: lol once me and me bro looked for our christmas presents and got caught

-ARE.YOU.A-
[wuss]: I like to think not
[druggie]: no
[gang member]: no
[daydreamer]: if the setting is right
[alcoholic]: no
[freak]: I dont think so..
[brat]: yeah
[goody-goody]: yeah, to some people
[angel]: nope human
[devil]: see above
[friend]: yes, but not a very good one
[shy]: no that shell has opened
[talkative]: kind of...yes
[adventurous]: not travelwise but thoughtwise yes in other words mentally not physically
[intelligent]: in some ways
[conceited]: very

-Concerning.The.Friends.(You.Claim.To.Have)-
thats mean!
[affected you the most spiritually]: Asher, and Richard, suprisingly
[wish you saw more often]: Amanda
[wish you could meet]: Eric
[most sarcastic]: Alyssa
[wish you knew better]: Will and Andrew
[knows you best]: Rebecca
[best outlook on life]: Erin
[most paranoid]: Rebecca (sorry its true)
[sweetest]: awww blast it

-Self-Analysis.You.Probably.Don't.Want.To.Do-
[your best feature (personality)]: ability to...have fun?
[your biggest flaw (personality)]: everything
[most annoying thing you do]: flip the pages of books and crack my toes (though I really can't help it!)
[biggest mistake you've made this far]: not praying enough
[describe your personality in one word]: inquisitive
[the physical feature for which you are most often complimented]: eyes
[person you regret sleeping with]: haha thats funny
[a smell that makes you smile]: fall in New York
[a country you'd like to visit]: Ireland, France, England, Austrailia, Mexico, Egypt, Japan, the list could go on and on
[a drink you order most often]: milk
[a delicious desert]: buscuit..oh wait thats not a dessert. Ummm...ice cream sundae
[a book you highly recommend]: A Little Princess by some person that I forgot
[the music you prefer while alone]: orchestral stuff
[your favorite band]: Terrier Sound. I know, I'm a dork.
[a film you could watch over and over]: Pirates and Moulin Rouge and LOTR
[a TV show you watch regularly]: Survivor
[you live in a(n)]: country
[your transportation]: bike! or car
[your cologne or perfume]: sometimes I'll put on some of that purple stuff if I smell bad
[under your bed or in your closet you hide]: memories
[something important on your night table]: my Bible

I am Catholic.

OHHHHHH YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got switched from band into orchestra for Interlochen!!!!!!!!
Thank you so much, whoever dropped out!!!!!!!!!
I'm floating on air!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Man...ya learn something new every day.

I just got three phone calls in a row! That's mania!

Mmmmm...Pilsbury buscuit warm from the oven, smothered in butter and jelly, crumbling in your hand as you eat it...it doesn't get any better than that.
-------------------
I am winning The Waiting Game. I am the leader by far.
-------------------
Me: Only one more day left!!
Brain: Duh, Ashley, everyone knows that.
Me: You always have to ruin everything, brain. Why can't you just be happy like your fellow organs?
Brain: Go study, you fool.
-------------------
Mike told me once that the only thing on his livejournal "To-do" list was world domination. He also told me that it says it is 30% completed.

I have decided. Everyone always talks about how much competition there is in flute. I no longer care. I am going to practice the most, work the hardest, and be the best. There is no question anymore. I am going to be the best.

Yup yup yup...
FSYO is way too good. Waaay too good. There's so much competition, so much drama, too, within the flutes. Everyday one of us goes, "Man I hope those results come soon." We all share these feelings, but we all hope for different things. At least one of us is going to make it; at least one of us is not going to make it. That's my prediction. But it's hard to talk about these things with the very people you hope to beat! When someone brings up the results, I can feel a tension builing between us. It's going to be even harder once the results do come. There's only one first chair spot and not everyone is going to be happy, and we are inevidably going to be jealous of each other. I never thought that competition would repress friendship, and I hope it doesn't start now. This is treading tough ground, right here.
IN OTHER NEWS!
Today was okay. Not doing much in school nowadays.
-First block I read my book most of the block.
-Second block I played four rounds of rummy, one round of war, and one round of BS with Chris, Nick, and Zach. (It was the first time I ever played rummy and I obliterated them in two of the rounds. And poor Chris has the worst luck ever.)
-Third block I had one of the best practice sessions in a while.
-Lunch was kinda lonely, seeing as everyone is gone.
-Fourth was the only block I actually did any work. Here I wrote intro and conclusion for me term paper. And some stuff.

Well, school is winding down, and I'm getting happier and lazier. Come on, summer, bring it on!

Mmmm I can't complain.

Man I smell so bad! I don't think this new deodorant works.

What's the difference between the meanings of the words "corny" and "cheezy?" Do they mean the same thing?

Oh yes...and happy graduation, my senior friends. I sure hope is doesn't rain for your big night.
Have fun at grad night, too. Have a blast. This is your night, after all. It will never happen again.
Goodbye Jeremy
Goodbye Joe
Goodbye Bekka
Goodbye Mike
Goodbye Will
Goodbye other Mike
Goodbye Alex
Goodbye Ellen
Goodbye Brad
Goodbye Rosanne
Goodbye Katie
Goodbye other Katie
Goodbye Seth
Goodbye Alyssa
Goodbye Savannah
Goodbye Andrew
Goodbye Joanna
Goodbye Samantha
Goodbye Darrell
Goodbye Rebecca
Goodbye Lee
Goodbye Amanda
Goodbye Danalee
Goodbye Jessica
Goodbye other Seth
Goodbye Ilea
Goodbye Beth
Goodbye Zach
Goodbye Carolyn
Goodbye Patrick
Goodbye Chris
Goodbye Deanna
Goodbye Erin
Goodbye people I forgot to say because I'm dumb but I love you anyway.
And finally, goodbye to the seniors not in band or orchestra.
I'll miss you all, and so will the rest of THS.

My FYAO audition was today. I did wonderfully, even though I hardly prepared for it. Both me and the conductors/auditioners knew that I was going to make the principle round anyway, so it was kinda of a blow-off audition.
But then comes the hard stuff. The people at FYAO love me and the way I play. This isn't being egomaniac, it's true. They tell me all the time.
Mr. May is one of my very favorite conductors ever. He's kind, experienced, laid-back, and skilled. He's full of stories, and he knows so many people, it's crazy. And he will talk to you. Also, he is full of opportunity. He will go all out for his students. Plus, (and this is the most important thing to me) just by talking to him for 5 minutes, you can tell that he loves music. He lives for music. He knows more about music than anyone I know, except maybe Mr. Krienes. And it shows.
That said, he talked for me for a while after my audition. He sprinkled compliments onto me and my teacher. He told me that he was in awe of how I play, that I had the magic touch, and that he was lucky to have me in his orchestra. (I'm going to make a point with this, just be patient.) He talked about what I would do this coming year, the things I could do in the orchestra (symphony), with chamber music (Mozart quartets, Martinu trio for flute cello, piano, other things..), and with concertos (Ibert concerto). He basically said that I had all the opportunity that I could ever want. And with each compliment, my heart sank more and more.
Why? Because he has no idea that I auditioned into FYAO for a backup orchestra. And I didn't have the heart to tell him that it wasn't my first choice. Not after all that he said. I walked back to my car almost in shame, trying not to imagine the look on his face if I had to tell him that I wasn't joining FYAO because I joined FSYO. "Oh Mr. May," I thought, "Why do you have to be so awesome?"
But I have to be strong. You can't let emotions guide you, not on this one. Sometimes people get hurt, and that's the way it goes. Mr. May is the only thing I liked about FYAO (well, I liked the bagels at practices too). They have a decent orchestra, but I know for a fact that FSYO is better. We'll see what happens with the FSYO auditions, maybe the choice will be made for me. Somehow I get the feeling that it's going to harder than that...
Ahh but the tables have turned. Remember when I made the story about a dream orchestra firing you for a better player? Here's the flip side: you leaving the orchestra you have been with for a while for a dream orchestra. I know how it feels now.

I suppose I could make a cool allegory about this, too, but I don't want to.

Is this genuine happiness finally coming back to me?
Yes, you fool

Yesterday I helped clean the most digusting room I have ever seen in my life: the THS Band Uniform room. Man there was stuff in that room that I didn't even want to touch. Tina had to pick up some of the old mouldy gloves with plastic. Since I was the smallest I was designated to climb into the tiny areas that haven't been touched for many years. There was some pretty interesting stuff back there. I pulled out some headlights, a giant package of barbeque starter stuff, many random uniform parts, some scraps of metal from who knows what, and other various objects. Since I was with my fellow flutes and the friendly saxaphone section, it was fun. But man was it disgusting. I don't think I've ever cringed more at anything (except maybe when me and Rebecca pulled out that 10 year old container of Crisco).
Then there was the massive Rubber Band War of 2004 (hey that rhymes). I got some people pretty good. I don't have a very accurate shot, but I have a hard one. I think I hurt myself more than I hurt anyone else though. I think my thumb is still throbbing. Ouch.

And then after some stuff, Rebecca did an amazing job at her recital. Kudos to Rebecca for working through the pain!

And then stuff and I am happy.

Sooo tired...
So much to do...
Study for test tomorrow...
Big words due tomorrow...
Rebecca recital...
I wanna sleep. But the show must go on.

I want my FSYO results.
I want my AP scores.
I want the summer.
I WANT IT NOW.
Was it "good things come to those who wait" or "don't let life pass you by"?
Shootshootshoot.
Waiting is poo.
-------------------------
In other news, Rhonda Larson, who was one of the judges for the competition that I won, was on Survivor the other day, playing her flute. I saw her and I screamed, "MOM, THAT'S RHONDA LARSON!!!" and she was like woah that is so cool. It is cool. It's almost like I was on Survivor. But not really.

I think I may actually be getting worse at the flute, I don't know, I don't practice enough anymore.

My eye has been twitching all day. That can't be good.
Man it's doing it right now.
Stop it,eye.
Eye: Hahaha my revenge

This is stupid. With this format I might as well go to livejournal...
Oh well.

Don't tell me who won Survivor, I'm gonna watch it tonight.

Yesterday I walked into the shower with my glasses still on. And I didn't notice that they were on until I tried to wash my face. That didn't work out too well.

I know what two more of my more famous songs are: Camptown Races and the splash mountain song ("How Do You Do?) The words to that song are in one of Craig's piano books:
How Do You Do,
Ain't the sun shinin' brightly?
How Do You Do,
ain't the breeze blowin' lightly?
I'm tellin' you,
while I step kinda sprightly,
feelin' fine sure as you're born.

How Do You Do?
It's a great say you're seein',
How Do You Do?
It's a great world to be in,
I'm tellin' you, and I know you're agreein'
what a world, sure as you're born

Get an earful of that hummin' bird
Singin' with all his might
Get an eyeful of that painted sky,
Ain't it a wonderful sight?
Oh,
How Do You do,
ain't the sun shinin' brightly?
How Do You Do,
Ain't the breeze blowin' lightly?
I'm tellin you,
while I step kinda sprightly,
Feelin' fine sure as you're born.
Feelin' fine sure as you're born.

What a wonderful song, n'est pas?

I found my third source!...kinda.

I'm feelin' fine, sure as you're born. Only 9 more days left. Actually eight now.

Well, I know you all wanted a nice long post (Brain: Don't fool yourself, Ash), but I have some serious practicing to do.

I REALLY need a third source. Good thing libraries are closed on Sundays...

I went to the beach today. It was awesome. There's nothing more relaxing than going to the beach. Well, there prolly is, but I haven't found it yet. Anyway, you do take your problems there, but when you get there you don't care about them anymore. I don't know how many times me or someone else there said "I want to stay here forever." It's like...getting away from the world. The sound of the waves is soothing, there's nothing better than the bright sun on your back, and you don't really need an activity to do (everyone is satisfied with just sunning and talking). Minus the sand, it feels like paradise. I don't know how lucky I am to live in Florida. None of us do. We LIVE in the vacation spot of the USA. Sometimes I get annoyed when people go on and on about how they hate Florida's weather. How could it be better?
I'm tired now but it feels so good! It's like an extension of the beach.

Blahblahblah.

Ahhh, music, soothing the soul. You know, it's gonna sound funny, but sometimes I can hear God talking to me through music. Sometimes I'll be so stressed out, and then I'll hear a song and He'll be saying "It's okay, Ashley...take it easy." For example, many times when I've practiced in third block in the practice rooms, I'll be so frustrated because I can't play something and I'll be to the point of throwing my flute down and giving up for the day, and then I'll hear the jazz band out there playing the soft trombone part of Rosanna and my heart just melts and all my anger is gone. Or sometimes after school I'll be so stressed about something and I'll turn the car on and hear my favorite song playing, and I'll lean back and say "Thank you." Sometimes when I'm doing my homework with my CDs on shuffle, I'll get to a problem that I just can't seem to get, and then a song will come on with the perfect lyrics, just what I needed to hear. And I don't care if it sounds corny, I believe it is God talking to me.

Here's a quiz:

Big Five Test Results

Extroversion (52%) medium which suggests you are moderately talkative, optimistic, sociable and affectionate. Friendliness (58%) moderately high which suggests you are good natured, trusting, and helpful but possibly too much of a follower Orderliness (86%) very high which suggests you are extremely organized, reliable, neat, and ambitious but probably not very spontaneous and fun. Emotional Stability (48%) medium which suggests you are moderately worrying, insecure, emotional, and nervous. Openmindedness (64%) moderately high which suggests you are intellectual, curious, imaginative but possibly not very practical.

Take Free Big Five Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Aye, aye, aye. My little problems. So insignificant, mere trifles in others' eyes. They pain me so...

Thank you guys for writing such nice things in my yearbook, especially Will and Zach. You guyzes entries made my day/week/month/year/life.
Okay, I'm gonna go practice now.

Funny how I do the same exact things every day and some days I feel like jumping for joy for just being alive and some days I want to curl up and cry all day. It all prolly stems back to the ultimate evil: hormones.
Plus I'll get the same amount of sleep every day, and one day I'll have enough energy to run to the moon but another day I'll barely have enough energy to keep me awake. What's up with that? Today should be Friday.
Today wasn't a curl up and cry day, nor was it a not be able to stay awake day, but I'm getting there. I just need some rest, I think. Maybe some positive news. Everything I'm hearing nowadays makes me sad. It's hard to keep up such a positive attitude when everything you hope for falls apart.
!@#$%^&$ curse you hormones why do you make me feel like this?

I don't like the idea of other people watching my lessons. I don't know why, but I just don't like the sound of it.

Well, I do have something good to say today. Now that we've gotten a piano, music can practically always be heard. Piano music is so beautiful, so dark. I love it. The morning when it arrived, I was asleep. That morning I awoke to the dark harmonies of "Resident Evil," and it was the first time I've ever heard a piano in our house. It gave me chills and I wanted to just sit in bed and listen to it forever. But the music was calling me, so I got out of bed and wandered into the room to get a better look. But I can hear everything that's played from my room, and it's so cool. I can't wait till I go to Interlochen so I can learn how to play it.

In our house, we now have:
3 flutes
3 trombones
2 piccolos
1 trumpet
1 guitar
1 piano
2 keyboards
a number of little instruments like recorders and harmonicas (and jaw harps)
Let the collection grow!

Can you love someone if they don't want you to?
Of course you can, certainly you can! It's just harder.

The AP Calc test was hard. There was stuff on there that I've never seen before. Oh well.

Beach this Saturday, anyone?

Reasons why winds or percussion but mostly winds are awesome if they ever beat string or piano players in competitions (aka unfair advantages of string/piano players [excluding basses])
1) String/piano players have a much much wider range than wind players. The flute, which has a reasonable range for a wind instrument, can play three octaves and a couple more notes. What do pianos have, eight octaves? Strings, four or five, or more? I'm not sure exactly, but it's more than three.

2) String/piano players can play two or more notes simultaneously, thus making them automatically more musical. Winds can play two at the most if they train hard and play around with multiphonics, but that's still unusual and you usually only find it in weird contemporary pieces. But seriously, pianos can play whole symphonies by themselves. How can you compete with that?

3) String/piano players have more literature available, and the literature is usually of better quality. (The last part is kinda untrue). Composers are working on this. Of course there is good music for every instrument. But it is still unfair that they have so many pieces from so many periods of time, and something like the saxaphone has nothing. If you play a dumb piece and it sounds really good you still are in no competition for a really good piece played okay.

4) String/piano players usually start playing at an earlier age. Very young people just cannot play wind instuments, they don't have the lung capacity yet. But I've seen many a string/piano player start at 5, 4, 3 years old. At elementary school at least. But band isn't even offered until middle school. Granted, they usually take longer to "master" but seriously.

5) I don't know if this counts, but string/piano players don't have to worry about breathing.

I thought about this because string and piano players win every competition I enter, and I get mad because it's so dang hard to compete against them. Give us winds a break, it's not our fault that our instuments haven't been perfected through hundereds of years or that our instrument wasn't Mozart's favorite. But I guess we just have to work through it and prove to everyone that wind players deserve to be up there with strings and pianos.
Like my teacher once said, there have been very fine flute players but there have been none to match the skill achieved by string players. I applaud you now, but I will someday show you the power of the flute. ::Evil eyes::

"Flute players always get together and form little societies."
-Craig

Brain: Shoot
Me: Why'd you just say shoot?
Brain: Because I felt like it
Me: You're dumb.

Things are looking up!
The end of school is swiftly coming, and things are starting to--or have started, already,--to blow up. It's auditions galore, concerts practically everyday, exams, graduation and graduation parties, end of the year recitals, end of the year ceremonies, yearbook signing, happiness dancing in the sun! Acting like it's summer before it is. Allright with me. People are growing so lazy. Just one more burst of energy and it'll all be over! Everyone is looking forward to summer, anticipating, planning. Just make sure you don't lean forward too much to see off the edge, you might just fall off.

It's funny how differently people react to the end of school. Most people grow a little lazy and most people are at least a little happy for the coming of summer. But then there are different emotions: nostalgia, fear, bitterness, disinterest, excitement, boredom, the list could go on and on. I know for my part that the end of school is something you must accept, like the seasons. No use in fighting the seasons!

Our final concert is gonna be so cool. Well, orchestra is gonna be a little cool but only because of pirates, but band is playing two cheezy songs that I love. Counsel Oak and The Chosen, both by random composers that nobody really knows. Counsil Oak is awesome though. I have a CD with it on it and I used to play that song when I woke up every single day.
"And with this, the old oak gave a joyous sigh."

Brain: Go prepare for your AP test
Me: Naaw I don't want to
Brain: Ashley E. Stahl, your test is tomorrow, now get off your behind and go study
Me: But brain...I don't want to...
Brain: I'm giving you to the count of 5...1....2....3....4....
Me: Allright allright I'll go. But what were you going to do if you got to 5?
Brain: That's for me to know
Eyes: Just go. This screen is making me hurt.
Me: Okay, but just for you, eyes.

In Dumbo, an elephant got drunk and started hallucinating.

Man.
I got two new CDs (Hovahness and a new awesome Celtic CD-even better than my first one. Did you know Hovahness wrote 67 symphonies?).
The AP English exam is over.
My parents finally turned the air on.
I'm eatin Publix deli cheese.
Life just doesn't get any better.

I saw a total of three cars on the road while driving home.
Home is where you feel safe and loved.
It is 4:07 AM
I have a concert tomorrow and an AP test on Monday.
I made it into the national flute convention flute chior.
Too bad I can't go.
I feel pretty...oh so pretty...
zzzzzz

Come to my non-prom party, jerks.

I did good at the audition. Now comes the "Waiting for Results Game." I've done this too many times, and I've decided that it's my least favorite game of them all (except maybe the game they play called "Kill Ashley"). It's much worse than the "Scramble to Practice for Audition at the Last Minute!" game because at least in that game you can do something to improve the probablility of an agreeable outcome. This game involves waiting...and waiting...and waiting....until you start to wonder if results are going to come at all. Then, when they finally do come, if the results are what you want, you have to say "All that waiting was really worth it!" If the results are not what you want, you have to say "They are stupid. They don't know what they're doing. I'm going to boycott." The object of the game is to annoy as many people as you can, first by constantly talking about the pending results to everyone and anyone, then by making people want to hurt you, either because you boast your success in a highly egotistical manner or throw a pity party (depending on what the results are). You get even more points if the people you annoy are people who are competing against you.

I was talking to a friend the other day, and he said that he wished that he was as smart as some people in his class. He said this because he has to work a lot harder to make the grade. I didn't really know what to say when he told me that, but he went on to say that it was okay because he valued a number of other things higher than intelligence. He said he valued imagination above all. That got me thinking....what do I value above all? What do I try to have more than anything? I came to the conclusion that I valued morals and kindness the most. If nothing else, I try to be nice to people and stick to my morals. That information alarmed me a bit, because there are things higher up in my little dream totem pole of personality traits than kindness. Things like faith, hard work, honesty. I don't know where I'm going with this. Maybe I just wanted to say that I'll try harder to work towards my dream totem pole. Yes. And you should too. What do YOU value the most?

For the last two days in Calculus, we've been taking a practice AP test. A real one. Actually, the exact same test as last year. Today we graded it and went over the answers. I am three points away from getting a 5.
Oh man oh man I don't want to audition. They're just gonna crush all my hopes and dreams again, especially when mad flutists like Alyssa and Katie and Ellie are trying out. Most of the time its soo good to have amazing flute players like that around, but come audition time you don't really want it anymore. Oh well, may the best win. Or get into the orchestra. Whatev.

I made up a song. It's called "I don't care"
here it goes:
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care

Yeah it's a dumb song but it expresses what I feel right now.

We got straight superiors. Getting that rating really tells me how much I don't care about ratings. Yes I was happy, of course I was happy. But the music is the thing, not the rating. Nobody really cares about some silly old rating. It is nice, though to be the first THS band in a lot of years to get a superior--straight superiors at that--at state. Though you can't even really help that either. You can do your part to help the band, but look at the word. BAND. It involves a group of people, working together, not just one. Shoot, I could've been born two years earlier and I wouldn't even be in this band. Most of it is just coincidence-the right people in band together at the right time. I'll give me credit to what I deserve.

Oh dear. I have the FSYO audition tomorrow and I haven't practiced in forever. And they hate me. I have a million things to do tonight and this weekend, we have a tough concert coming up in band, I've got two AP tests to study (haha....study), I have a recital next weekend that I need to practice for, and I'm so dang tired. I've gotten home at eleven the last two nights in a row, once for the concert once for festival. Being busy is really great until you have to lose sleep for it.
On that note, I don't know if I've told you before, but I think I have a fear of losing sleep. I goes deep back into gymnastics when I didn't know about that little hypoglycemic thing and I would be totally exhausted after ever practice. And it also goes back to marching band. I hate the feeling of being tired all the time, of not wanting to do anything but sleep but being forced to do else. That's what marching band does to you.
On that note (again), Thank the Lord, I can't be an officer next year!!!! I'm gonna miss all of marching band camp to go to Interlochen, and I love it! Next year is gonna be so much cooler than the last two years. Ya know, after two years of being an officer, I've finally realized what a lousy leader I am. That's prolly one of my worst personality traits, leadership. I'm either really nice or really mean, never in between. So I'm either inefficient because I don't enforce the rules or nobody listens to me because I'm being so much of a....mean person.
And next year I'll get to march again, I wont have to leave in the middle of class to go work with drumline, I'll never have to do the warm-up, my playing won't slack like it did this year because I'll be playing all the time, my arms won't be constantly tired, I won't have to worry about what to do when there's nothing (for drum majors) to do, people won't ask me random questions that I have no idea how to answer, I won't have to work with weird people who look at me funny when I tell them something, I won't be criticized by the certain people in the band (who seem to think that my job was oh-so-easy), I won't have to be the ultimate example for everyone, I'll never have to touch another dang measuring stick, I won't have to run sectionals, none of the problems of the flute section will rest on my shoulders, I'll be able to pick myself out in videos, I'll just be a plain, normal, band member. One who plays and marches and actually works at practices. Maybe, just maybe, I'll enjoy marching band again. Hey, I liked it my freshman year. I loved it in fact. Then the dark title of officer was placed upon me.
You may be asking why I even tried out if I hate it so much. Well, the thing is, it's pretty bad to have incompetent people in power over you. You think you can do their job better then they can. So I tried out to be section leader. After a year of being section leader (a year that I hated), I decided that nothing could possibly be worse than being section leader, so I tried out for drum major. And I got it. And ya know what? It was worse.
I'm just not cut out for that kind of job. I like it when people like me. Officers make many enemies. "With great power comes great responsibility" (Spiderman)

Shoot! I just wasted a lot of time writing in my blogger. Stupid blogger. Why do you do that to me?

FYAO might be on 90.7!
The concert is today. They're gonna record it, and if it's good enough, they'll play it. I hope they do. That'd be awesome.

The stations I listen to (because they are in the fast numbers buttons)
105.1-"mix" 80's, 90's, and new stuff. Mostly good. They have a few chosen songs that they play all the time, and that gets annoying
98.1-The spanish station, plays Mexican samba and salsa as well as spanish rap, slow songs, etc. Can't understand a word of it, but it sure is fun to dance to!
90.7-Classical. The best music on the radio, hands down.
100.3-Oldies! I love this station, it plays the best music from the past. Well not too much into past. The best music from the past would be 90.7
107.1-Recent music, usually good stuff, but sometimes a non-song is thrown in there
some eighties station-it doesn't come in too well anymore, so I need to change it.

And if they are all playing commercials (which happens more than you would think) I'll pop in a CD. Gotta love this age of ease.

That's all for today because I need to get ready for the concert.

I think it's about time for a new name for ol' Firework Hands here. Any suggestions?
By the way, that name came from an activity I did on a tone packet or something like that. It said something like "the boy was running carrying lemons," and I thought it was really stupid. The activity said that you had to make up something like that, so I said "The boy ran with fireworks in his hands." For me, Firework Hands could be a number of things...fireworks are a good noun depiction of tone (is that possible?) to describe my life, or it could represent my mad flute hands or even sparks coming from my hands when I write. You make the call.

"We have a love-hate relationship...we love to hate each other."
-me

Okay, I gotta tell you about my concert.
I was really nervous. There was so much pressure, having to live up to all that media stuff. They say I'm like the master of the flute or something. So I had to prove em right. AND three of my grandparents went AND I told my mom she could tape it AND Katie and the Kellys went AND afterwards I found out that...ummm...a "competitor" was there. So yeah, I was shakin like a leaf just walking there to do a sound check.

As I walked toward the church, thinking about how bad I could do, worrying about the memory, I saw some writing engraved onto a sign in front of the church. It said "Trust in God and do good." My brain said "Okay, I'll just do that then. I'll be okay." 100 pounds was lifted off my shoulders.
But it came back.

I didn't play until the middle of the concert, so I had to wait in the back hall. I couldn't warm up or anything, because the door wasn't soundproof. The beginning of the waiting was okay; I busied myself with changing into my dress, chatting with Shaul, and talking with a performer who had come to the back for a diabetes problem. But soon, I was finished dressing, Shaul went out to guest conduct, and the performer went back to play again. I was left alone. And that's the worst, because when you're alone lots of crazy things creep ino your head.

I went over the music about 5 times, wandered around the hall, practiced smiling, walking out, and bowing, but nothing really helped me to be un-nervous. This went on until the song before I played, which was Waltz of the Flowers by Tchaikovsky. That's when the thoughts in my head really got crazy. "What if I forget that part? I hope I don't trip. Lots of people are watching. I better not mess up. I'm gonna mess up. Oh man, I'm gonna mess up. I've never played that right before." These and other thoughts whirled around my head, until I stopped for a second and realized what I was thinking. "You just have to pretend you're the best," I told myself. Okay, sure. I'm the best.

But I was still shaking a lot, and I could feel my muscles tensing up. "This just won't do. How can I fix this?" Images of Alexander Technique from Cannon flashed through my head. I remembered my crazy old lady teacher, exclaim excitedly "The figure eight! It's a miracle move! You can do it anywhere, anytime, and it'll help!" So, with flute in hand, I started waltzing around to the music, doing a figure eight and thinking, almost singing, to myself "You're the best!" It was a silly moment and it made me laugh, and, as it was almost time to go in, it made me walk out with a genuine smile on my face.

It wasn't a perfect performance (it never is), but it was as good as I could hope for. And everyone said I looked confident. Imagine all that I went through to "look" confident. Shoot, man, I was the least confident performer in the history of ever. But I did it. There's a big ol' victory in my life.

-------------------------------------------------

Today, I've had "Thick as a Brick" stuck in my head all day. What a delightful song. So catchy, so pretty. Maybe I'll make that one of my songs. I have a lot of songs. They include "The Ash Grove" (aka "A Song of Thanksgiving" as well as other titles), "Rugged Ash" from DDR, "Buffalo Soldier" by Bob Marley (that might be the wrong title. Or even the wrong performer. But you know what song I'm talkin about), all of which are obvious why they are my songs.
Then there's the songs I could have (and have) listened to for whole days, songs like "Norweigan Wood" by the Beatles, "Firedance" from Riverdance, "Walk Like an Egyptian" by the Bangels, "Now We Are Free" from the Gladiator soundtrack, "Alexander the Great" by Bond, "Cossak Dance" by Tchaikovsky, "Feelin' Groovy" by Simon and Garfunkel, "Pinball Wizard" by The Who, and Natalie MacMaster's "The Drunken Piper," Cristina Crawlay/Kerstein Blodig's "Sovay," and Susan McKeown and the Chanting House's "Jericho" (some songs on the awesome Celtic CD). These aren't by any means the best pieces of music out there, but they certainly are fun to listen to. Some of my favorites, in fact. My songs.

--------------------------

People should stop complaining. That's all I hear anymore, "I hate this" or "I hate that" or "This person should die" or "My life sucks" or something to the extent of "Please pity me." Everyone's all negative and stuff. C'mon guys, it's not that bad. Would you rather live in a life where you're not even allowed to say these things? Where you don't know where your next meal is coming from? Where you have no choices or opportunities?
One of the most popular complaints as we come to a close of the school year is the "I hate school" complaint. I've heard this from several people, so if you have said it, it's not just you. Let me tell you something. Free education is a gift. If you can't do anything else in life, at least you can go to school. Many places don't even have that! Stop for a second, and look at what you have. Be grateful for it. Who knows, someday you might not even have it anymore. Then won't you be kicking yourself for complaining, when you should've been thanking.
It's like if someone gives you a candy bar and you shove it in their face, screaming "I hate candy!"

Sorry that post was kinda cruel. But it was getting on my nerves. I'll try not to be a hypocrite, too. I tend to do that a lot.



Shoot, I have homework to do! Spending all my time on the computer...grumble mumble...

poodle skirt
Say that a few times.
It just sounds funny.

It's 11:00 at night and I just practiced for two hours! Yaaay!!!
I get to go to orchestra rehearsal tomorrow and it's about an hour and a half away! And I won't be able to do anything else during the day!! Yaaay!
I went out to dinner with my parents tonight!! Yay!!!

Man Emmauel Pahud is the man.

If Ron Norris was a knight, his name would be a paledrome.
Sir Ron Norris. sirronorris.
Albert told me that. Actually he told Katie and Katie told me that he told her that.
Eh?

You've been dreaming about being in this orchestra for a long time. Finally, an audition comes and.....you get the position! You've gotten into a major orchestra, the orchestra of your dreams. You're so excited that you run around the block three times in a row when you hear the news.
Once there, you try your hardest to deserve the position that you got. You practice all the time, pay attention to every little detail. You think you sound wonderful, and the orchestra sounds wonderful, and you couldn't be happier. In reality, you might've been a little biased; maybe you don't sound quite as good as you think you do. Maybe the orchestra doesn't either. Still, you put all your time and effort into it, and you are having the time of you life, and that counts more than anything.
Suddenly, one day, without warning, you are fired from the orchestra. "Why?" you ask "I put my heart and soul into this orchestra, spent all my time working for it, made dear friends from it! I love it! Why are you doing this?" They say that they are sorry, but they have found someone better than you.
That's what it's like.

Today was a very good day and I am happy. But I will not be happy in about an hour.

Duude, Pirates is so dang cool! Well, it wouldn't be if I didn't love the movie so much. But seriously, I was smiling the whole time we were playing that, just because playing music like that is a wonderful treat for me. It's one of the small things that made today so awesome.

Plus in English today I beat three other people (males I may add) at Scrabble, and I opened a coke bottle that the three of them couldn't open. I got some applause for that. Maybe I do have superpowers. Wow that would be so awesome if I did.

My oh my I'm turning into Ashley again. Thank the Lord!

Hey if anyone wants to see me make a fool of myself, go to the Eastminster Presbyterian Church in Indiatlantic at three o'clock on Sunday. Foo. There's been two more articles about it in the newspaper. There's one there today in the FL Today. It's in the Life section. You know, I'm starting to think that the only reason I won that competition is because I can play really loud. Oh well. Not my problem. Actually I guess it is. Oh well.

Sometimes ya gotta wonder...

CD's galore! A new shipment of CD's I ordered came in. They make me so happy. I'm gleeful.
-Rainbow Body (Rainbow Body, Barber, Appalacian Spring, blue cathedral)
-The Last Samurai soundtrack (Hans Zimmer)
-Romance of the Violin (Joshua Bell)
-Ibert & Khachaturian flute concertos (Emmanuel Pahud)
-Our American Journey (Canticleer)
-Hot Swing Trio (Mark O'Conner and friends)
-Jethro Tull best of CD!!!

"You all know the story of Romeo and Juliet...some people got dead..."
-Dr. Leclair (sp?)

It makes me mad when people put down someone I truly repsect, someone I look up to. I really wish they wouldn't do that.

When I was ordering CDs, my last choice was between a Brazilian Yo-Yo Ma CD or the swing trio. I couldn't decide, so I asked my dad "Los Vagas or Brazil?" and he said "Las Vagas. Better stay in America." So I got the swing trio.
Jethro Tull is so dang awesome.
Which CD should I listen to first? Oh the choices...

What book should I read next: Madame Bovary (Flaubert) or The Sound and the Fury (Faulkner)? I just went to the library, actually searching for The Great Gatsby, unsuccessfully I may add, and I found these two and couldn't decide, so I checked out both. As a side note, Madame Bovary has a few pictures in it and they were illustrated by Ben Stahl. He must be one cool guy.

When someone asks me how I am, they may as well be asking "Would you rather say the word good or fine?"

I'm looking through you
Where did you go?
I thought I knew you
What did I know?
You don't look different
but you have changed
I'm looking through you
You're not the same!
-The Bittles "I'm Looking Through You"

Ahoy, matey, thar be rough waters ahead.

Monday, the day of writing in blogger!
Today's topic is making new friends.
It's so hard to make new friends at this point in the road of life. Everyone has their set of friends already. You could meet someone in a class who is totally compatible with you, and you guys could be the best of friends, and you talk all the time, but your friendship will never leave the four walls of the classroom. Why? Because "your friends" couldn't possibly accept "his/her friends" and (s)he couldn't possibly become a part of "your group," after all, nobody knows him/her except you! The only way that I see people making new friends or becoming part of a "new group" nowadays is by being a boyfriend or girlfriend of someone in that group. Then, if things happen the right way, the two groups of friends sort of merge. But many times not even that happens. I've known many a person to completely abandon old friends to spend all their time with their boyfriend/girlfriend and "their group." COMPLETELY ABANDON.
It's sad, really, how hard it is to get someone who you've never done anything with before to say "Do you want to come with me?" Or, on the other hand, how hard it is to say that to them. After all, you can't just say "Hey what are you doing this weekend" and then when they tell you, you ask "Can I come?"
In elementary school it was no problem at all. I had different people over at my house every day, and many of them didn't know each other (that's really not true. I never had a whole lot of friends until I hit high school. But it still was a diverse little group of people.) I guess what I'm trying to say is that making new friends is hard. Everyone seems to have their own little group set already and you won't be invited in unless you have connections. And that makes me sad.

Don't get me wrong: I'm very thankful for the friends I have; I am merely commenting on something I have observed, something that bothers me. Yes, it may apply to me, just as much as anyone else in the school. But I'm not trying to change my "group of friends" or anything. Really. Why would I?

I sometimes wish I was a more open person. There's so much I want to say--always--but I don't because it would hurt me and maybe others. I might sound silly, or mean, or immature, or self-piying, or stupid, or a number of other bad things. I say this blog is for myself, but it is most clearly not (That's quite allright though). The censorship I give to this may very well hurt me in the long run. Sometimes I almost break down and just say these things, out loud or in writing. But then I think about it for a moment and I don't. What's the point? My words aren't going to change anybody. But others say these things, why can't I? I don't know why. I just can't.
Many negative thoughts, hiding in the dark side of my brain, that never reach the ears or eyes of others. That are never acted uopn. It doesn't feel natural. Should I be thinking these things at all?

It's been a great Monday, to be sure.

Poor Morris, always being mocked and such. Well, Mr. Schwindt was nice enough to stop mocking him. Kind ol Mr. Schwindt.

Man I should go to sleep early every day. Oh and I've figured out the secret to going to sleep:
1) Use up all your energy during the day, through exercising or staying up really late
2) Don't take naps during the day or get too much sleep (yes, that is possible)
3) (most important) Don't ingest any dang sugar or caffinee at least 3 hours before you go to bed. This WILL keep you up all night. This includes food/drinks with a high level of sugar.

So there ya have it. You want sleep, follow these three simple rules. It would also help to not have a lot on your mind, but you can't really help that, can you?

If you were a circus performer, what would you be? I would be a tightrope walker.

For all those not attending prom (too young, no date, yadda yadda): party at my house May 1

I've suddenly become happy again. Many stresses have been lifted off me, and I've gotten more sleep. It feels good to be happy. This is the way it should be.

I've got nothing interesting today. Call back tomorrow.

Wow, this was a truly blessed day, and I'll tell you why. I woke up at 6:05 to meet at school at 7:30 and compete in a math competition in Viera. While eating breakfast I watched a bunch of old 70's cartoons playing on cartoon network. One of them was called "The Chan Clan" and it was about a Japanese family with about 15 kids who all get together to solve mysteries. Along with being a typical 70's show, I just thought the whole concept of that was funny.
And so I headed off to THS. It is true that if I get enough sleep (which I better have gotten-I went to sleep at 9:00 the previous night), I am indeed a morning person. After all, I get up and go to school earlier than that every day. I should be used to it. So when everyone was nodding off to sleep on the bus, I was awake and alert.
None of our teams placed at the competition, but it really was a lot of fun. I had a great time, as crazy as it might sound. I laughed a lot and, on the way home, listened to the most gossip I've ever heard in my life.
After that I came home and made some lunch and read a little, The Screwtape Letters (CS Lewis). I can't say enough about that book; it is so clever. It has an original point of view, teaches about much, entertains, and makes me laugh at times. I wish I read it earlier than now, because I really could've used something like that in a "trough."
Anywho, after that I took a loong bike ride, going slowly, taking pleasure in the warmth of the sun, and basically enjoying myself. The weather was perfect for a bike ride: not too hot but not too cold. Very comfortable. I didn't always go slowly though. It's a favorite phrase of my parents that whenever I go on bike rides, I go "zoom zoom." The equivalent of sprinting on bike. It feels so great to go fast, it really does. Makes me feel like I'm free. And the wind against your face, the houses flying by...there's just no beating that.
I also rode to my grandparent's house, whch is about a mile from my house, and talked to them a little. They are so great: always ready to love you.
When I got home, I did a little more exercising to walk off the natural exhausion after a bike ride. I read a little more (wouldn't you know I wouldn't be able keep my nose out of that book) and then called my parents.
After that, I practiced for about two hours. It was one of those practices where you feel like you get so much done (but I didn't even get to everything I wanted to!) I moved the metrenome markings for everything up a great deal, and my tone sounded 100% better at the end of the practice compared to the beginnning. I'm glad I have my good flute and picc back. They make the world sound a lot better. Plus Donjon etudes are pretty dang fun.
After that, I headed over to Subway to catch me some dinner. Went home, ate sub while reading yet more of the book. Kept reading for a while, then took a shower. I was pretty smelly from all that stuff I did today.
Blogger was calling me, so now here I am. It's been a great day, mostly devoted to myself. The physical, social, mental, and spiritual well-being of myself, that is. I've got the house all to myself, I can hear the crickets chirping outside, and my belly is full. I feel refreshed, relaxed, rested, and healthy. If only this could last forever. Sometimes I just need a break from the world...for me it was today.
I'm going to bed early tonight so I can get enough sleep to pay full attention in church and get the most out of it. Tomorrow will be filled with cleaning the house, a three hour AP test, practicing like there's no tomorrow, and studying galore. And it will be a blessing to do all of it.

Never underestimate the power of choice. Had my choices been different today, I would not currently feel so refreshed. Make the right choices, pay the consequences.

Shoot, man.

You know somethings wrong when you start saying things like "It's like the whipped topping of the day."

I am becoming increasingly reluctant to touch the frame of my car. It shocks me almost every time I do, and I've learned to touch it as little as possible. Lots of times you have to touch it, though, like when you open the doors. But I always go reeeaally slowly to maybe get a little bit of the charge out so it doesn't hurt so much. I wonder if there's a name for that fear, the fear of touching cars.

I just finished Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. I love reading stories about undying love...it takes me into a world which I have never been before. Two other books like this that I have read are The Hunchback of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo and Wuthering Heights by Charlotte (or was it Emily? I don't quite remember) Bronte. Great reads, all three are among my favorites. Yet don't be fooled; Great Expectations is much more than a romance novel. I'll leave it up to you to decide after you read it. But the ending caused me to silently place the book down and meditate in wonder of everything I had read.

And since I know that nobody will take my advice and actually read it, here are some
Lovely quotes from Great Expectations

A fool's love
"The truth is, that when I loved Estella with the love of a man, I loved her simply because I found her irresistable. Once for all; I knew to my sorrow, often and often, if not always, that I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be. Once for all; I loved her none the less because I knew it, and it had no more influence in restraining me, than if I had devoutly believed her to be human perfection" (page 224-225)

Insanity
"If I had been her secretary, stewart, half-brother, poor relation--if I had been the youger brother of the appointed husband--I could not have seemed to myself further from my hopes when I was nearest to her. The privelage of calling her by her name and hearing her call me by mine, became under the circumstances an aggravation of my trials; and while I think that it almost maddened her other lovers, I know too certainly that it almost maddened me." (page 289-290)

Is this love?
"I never had one hour's happiness in her society, and yet my mind all round the four-and-twenty hours was harping on the happiness of having her with me unto death" (page 290)

Someone say this to me
"Out of my thoughts! You are a part of my existance, part of myself. You have been in every line I have ever read, since I first came here, the rough common boy whose poor heart you wounded even then. You have been in every prospect I have ever seen since-on the river, on the sails of ships, on the marshes, in the clouds, in the lights, in the darkness, in the wind, in the woods, in the sea, in the streets. You have been the embodiment of every graceful fancy that my mind has ever been aquainted with. The stones of which the strongest London buildings are made, are not real, or more impossible to be displaced by your hands, than your presence and influence have been to me, there and everywhere, and will be. Estella, to the last hour of my life, you cannot choose but to remain part of my character, part of the little good in me, part of the evil. But, in this separation, I associate you only with the good, and I will faithfully hold to that always, for you have done me far more good than harm, let me feel now what sharp distress I may. O God bless you, God forgive you!" (page 347)

Jerk
"Biddy, I think you once liked me well, when my errant heart, even while it strayed away from you, was quieter and better with you than it has ever been since. If you can like me only half as well once more, if you can take me with all my faults and disappointments on my head, if you can recieve me like a forgiven child (and indeed I am sorry, Biddy, and have as much need for a hushing voice and a soothing hand), I hope I am a little worthier to you than I was-not much, but a little...And now, dear Biddy, if you can tell me that you will go through the world with me, you will surely make it a better world for me, and me a better man for it, and I will try hard to make it a better world for you." (page 446)

This sounds oddly familiar
"I took her hand in mine, and we went out of the ruined place; and, as the morning mists had risen long ago when I first left the forge, so, the evening mists were rising now, and in all the broad expanse of tranquil light they showed to me, I saw no shadow of another parting from her." (page 457, ending sentence)

Shut up, Ashley

I told you all today that my parents decided that Interlochen was too much money, and that I couldn't go, and that I was going to go to the two-week flute workshop at Tanglewood. My mom pulled a fast one on me: she doubted her decision so much that she came home at lunch to get the rejection stuff out of the mailbox. She filled it out and changed it to admission and brought it to her work, ready to be faxed. I think it hurt her much more than it hurt me to not let me go. She left a note to call her as soon as I got home today, and I did. She asked me if I really still wanted to go to Interlochen. I had to disconnect and meditate upon my decision. I had to decide within the next 15 minutes. You may be thinking "man what an easy decision, a two week flute workshop filled with boring masterclasses and lessons or six weeks at the most prestigious camp around." But the decision is not so easy. Here's what would happen if I went to Interlochen:
-I would not be able to be drum major next year (oh boo hoo I'm so sad)
-I would not be able to attend the national flute convention in Nashville
-I would have to reject my opportunity to play in the flute chior at the convention (if I made it)
-I would not be able to compete in the principle round at FYAO. Thus depending on FSYO and their incompetent auditioners for a youth orch next year
-I would miss the first week of school next year
-I would miss all of marching band camp
-I would cost my parents more money than I have ever costed them before
-I would have to fly alone for the very first time
-I would not know a soul in the whole dang camp and probably have serious lonliness problems (though this is true of Tanglewood also, Tanglewood is only for two weeks instead of the eight of Interlochen.)
-I would miss my cousin, TJ's, wedding and a trip to my hometown, Buffalo, which I absolutely loove to visit
-I would not be able to go to the band trip next year, or get a new flute in about 4674324890532 years
-I would have to get a job when I got back. Yes. A job.

So as you can see, I would have to give up a lot. It would be so much easier to take all that away and go to Tanglewood. So much easier.

The decision nearly killed me. I almost wish that my mom had not gone back and revived hope in Interlochen. Because I had accepted the fact that I couldn't go, my brain had looked at it in a bit of a different perspective than before. I felt so confused, I didn't know what I wanted to do anymore. I really didn't. But you realize that going to Interlochen has ever been a dream of mine...and so I called up my mom, and said yes to Interlochen. She kept asking me if I was sure, and listing the things I listed. To be sure, she was just as confused as I was. But I was strong. "Send the papers," I said. And my mom faxed the papers. I think it was what Will said to me about Interlochen that put me over the top..."It is the best thing I have done. I would go to it under any circumstances."
I'm going to Interlochen!!

Ahhh, the feeling of putting my parents into debt...there's nothing like it...

I reach the top of the mountain, alone. I look around me and nobody is there. I scream at the top of my lungs "Can anyone hear me?" and listen to my own voice echo the phrase back. I cry and somehow wish that I never worked so hard to get there. There is no joy in reaching the top anymore. It has taken too many lives, the cost is much too high. I see the beauty around me, but I cannot appreciate it. I cannot be grateful for it. I cannot relish in it. For if nobody will help me, I have no way to get back down. I used all my strength to climb up. I will surely die on the top of that mountain, alone and miserable. All that there is left to do is pray, pray for help from above, that the mountain may not be the place of my death. And I hopelessly start crawling down, ever slowly, for what is the point of trying when there is no hope?
"Can anyone hear me?"
-------------------------------------------
The problem with being a perfectionist is that nothing is ever good enough.

Why do you look for the living
among the dead?
He is not here,
He has been raised
to new life!
Alleluia, alleluia!

This Easter I felt it more than ever before: the overwhelming joy that Jesus has been raised from the dead!

But some people sadden me. It is so easy to accept the heavenly gift that Jesus has made for us, and yet some people consiously turn it away! I weep for him who hears and refuses to believe. Please, please, accept the gift, and live! It is never too late.

I don't understand what's wrong with me. But something is seriously, seriously wrong.

I had a dream last night that it was the Friday before prom and everyone went to school dressed in their prom dresses, and everyone was wearing one but me. I had on normal school clothes, because I still hadn't gotten a dress yet.

You know, prom is in a couple weeks. I had no dress, I have no date, and I'm going to have to pay around $40 for a limo I don't even want to use. Maybe I should just not go. After all, I am only a junior and it is mainly a senior prom, and from what I hear from people, it ruins it if you go as a junior. Would you guys be offended if I decided not to go? Because if I didn't find a date, I KNOW I would feel out of place with some 5 or so other couples. Maybe I could just meet you guys at Rebecca's afterwards? Dances are kinda fun, in a way, but I don't think it's worth it to waste all the money that I would waste if I didn't have a date or a dress. I love you guys and would love to spend a night with you. But I somehow think I'd be a tag along if I went. Opinions wanted.

I beat my record: stayed up till 9 in the morning from 6 in the morning the day before.
28 hours.
Also hula hooped for almost an hour straight. I'm feeling it now, though.

This essay is just too bad to go unmadefunof.

Essay SSS
Abraham Lincoln did many different things in his time. In this passage, it mostly tells of what Lincoln thought about slavery and the Civil War. This is just Lincoln's opinion because everyone has their own opinions about slavery and the Civil War. Lincoln is giving a speech to his people so that people will know what he thinks about slavery and the war. Lincoln just wants to express his feelings on these issues.
Lincoln begins his speech talking about the issue of the Civil War. Most people did not want a war and tried everything that they could not to start one. What was this war for? People wanted to have their Union without war but with negotiation. Both of the parties did not go straight into war but eventually would because there would not just be no war and letting the nation survive. Lincoln's tone and attitude about the Civil War seems to be that he really does not want to have war but since there is going to be one he will have people fight in it to save the Union and the nation. Why was war fixing to start up? In Lincoln's time, one-eighth of the population was colored people. Therefore slavery was a major issue back then. People who were slaves knew they had something to do with the war. Slaves were not distributed all over the Union, though, they were only distibuted in the South. Both parties who wanted to have war were only thinking of themselves though. They did not think that slaves were like them at all. Slaves read the Bible and prayed to the same God just like they did. This was overlooked becase they just wanted slaves to be distributed everywhere not just in the South. Slaves did not have equal rights like white people did. They really did not have say in what happened to them. Not only were slaves distributed in the South but they probably were free too, but still slaves. The North did not like this at all, so this led to another reason for war. All Lincoln is trying to explain to people is that slaves are the same type of people as the North. The only thing different is that they are colored. Lincoln wants slaves to be treated as normal people. He really does not see the point in getting a war started over slaves being distributed everywhere and not having rights. Lincoln thinks that there should be a war over slave being free and treated like white men.
Lincoln disagrees with all the reasons for wanting to have a civil war. So what is the point he is trying to get across about slavery and civil war? Lincoln wants people to put themselves in slaves shoes, see how it feels to be them and the reason for war. Slaves should be treated equal and these two parties should have never went to war over slaves.

Oh man.

"In the coffee of religion, there is no half and half."
-Joelle

"Lovebugs? They should be called stupidbugs."
-Erin

"Both of the parties did not go straight into war but eventually they would because there would not just be no war and letting the nation survive."
-Essay SSS, when asked to analyze the rhetorical strategies of Lincoln's second inaugural address.

"When the dawn comes, tonight will be a memory, too"
-Catz

Janine,
Have the results been mailed out? Is there any way Ashley could be
notified of acceptance? I am sorry to be such a bother but she needs to
mail out a deposit and acceptance to another summer program that she was
accepted into by the end of this week. Tanglewood Institute however is
her first choice. Thank you for your time. Maria Stahl, mother of
Ashley Stahl

Mrs. Stahl,
Thank you for your inquiry and your patience. The decision letters have
been mailed out and you should receive yours this week. If you get into
a time crunch and haven't heard from us, feel free to give a call to
[phone number]. You will want to speak with Chung-Un Seo - she is the
person who coordinates the admissions process for BUTI.
I hope that this is helpful.
Best wishes,
Janine



NO that it not helpful at all. Dang camp.

I had a dream last night that I was listening to an Enya song and it inspired me to do something. I don't remember which song and I don't remember what it inspired me to do. But it felt so good.

You know what's really fun, what made a two hour bus ride seem like five minutes? Playing "would you rather" (aka "what would you prefer" or "what do you like better"). You think of two conflicting things (we took two musical things usually) and say which one you would rather do or which one you would prefer. For example, would you rather listen to a flute choir or a viola choir? Bach or Beethoven? Copeland or Grainger? Beginning or end of Night on Bald Mountain? First or last movement of Peer Gynt Suite? The hardest one I think I had to answer was Holst or Hindemith. I had a lot of trouble with that one. Anyway, I did it with Alyssa and Andrew and sometimes Jeremy or Ben for two hours on the way back from State S and E and it was great. You should try it sometime.
By the way, my two solos got superiors (yay)

Have you ever just wanted to scream as loud as you could? I want to. If you think about it, there's really no place to do it. Even inside your house all alone the neighbors might hear and be concerned. So here I go:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Make it stop! Make it all stop!

I will punch the next person who....oh blast it. Not even worth it.

Mom: "How can someone not like you?!?"

Here's a quiz to calm me down from that stupid camp that won't tell me whether I made it or not. Thanks, Shannon!

1. Who was the last person you met off the internet? I don't know

2. What is the longest you've gone without sleep? Not sure...but the latest I've stayed up till is 7:30. Around 20 hours, maybe?

3. When was the last time you had cookies and milk? Oooh...it's been a while. Good idea, though.

4. Favorite cereal? This has nothing to do with the question, but have you ever noticed that Cap't Cruch never closes his mouth? It freaks me out. Anyway, my favo cereal is...something.

5. One thing you said as a child that got you into trouble? To my mom: "You're a sandbag!"

6. When was the last time you were spanked? a loooooooong time ago

7. Can you burp on command? no

8. Last time you had a burp that rated high on the burp scale? I never could rate high. I went for quantity, not quality. I don't burp too much anymore though.

9. If you were to get plastic surgery on just one part of your body, which would it be? Ummmm, never thought about that...my nose maybe? I would never get plastic surgery though.

10. Favorite sexual position? I'm gonna skip this question

11. If you could be one of the seven dwarfs, which would you be? Bashful. He's so awesome.

12. What would be your one regret if you were to be struck by lightning and die right now? Man I wish I wore that rubber suit today.

14. Favorite commercial? The one where all the grocery mascots are a pack of raving wolves and then Kool Aid breaks through the wall. Oh and the one where petrolium takes over the household and boots out electricty. And then he takes over the fireplace and electricity is like "Does wood know about this?" and wood is sleeping on a chair. It's just a really funny commercial.

15. Did you notice, theres no 13? shut up

16. Who did you last go camping with? my family. And it wasn't really camping, it was Disney camping.

17. Ever met anyone famous? yes, Shaul Ben-Meir, Claudia Anderson, Peter Lloyd, William Bennett, and I have pictures to prove all of them except Shaul

18. Who is your favorite Batman? there's only one batman

19. What was your favorite childhood cartoon? ummmm....I liked so many, it's hard to pick.

20. Have you ever slept in a car (not while the car was moving like a road trip)? yes

21. Ever laid down in the tall grass and done your stuff? I have laid down in tall grass but the next part of the question is a bit too vauge for me to answer properly

22. What kind of undies do you prefer? ones that fit

23. Last place you went on a road trip to? Tallahassee!

22. Favorite Michael Jackson song? the Free Willy theme. Oh and Thriller

23. Who was the first person you kissed? someone stupid!

24. Who was the last person you kissed? someone stupid!

25. Infinity, Caddy, Mercedes, or BMW? I know so little about cars...

26. Favorite SNL sketch? I dont watch it quite enough to have a favorite

27. What was the last thing you wished for? to get that dang camp to send me a letter

28. How expensive were the last pair of shoes you bought? i dont know. Prolly like $20 ir something.

29. Name one thing you've purchased and never used, but keep telling yourself you're gonna? I use everything that I buy. That's why I buy it.

30. Quote a movie: "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return" -Moulin Rouge

31. Favorite PJs? I like all my pjs. So comfy and such.

32. Have you ever gotten a fortune from a fortune cookie that you kept? no. Well, yes, but I lost it.

33. If so, what did it say? Haha, you think I remember?

34. Favorite candy bar? Carmello, maybe.

35. Have you ever traveled outside the USA? Yes, to Canada and the Bahamas.

36. What's a wierd thing that you collect? wrapping paper. Serious.

37. Name an embarassing moment: Coming in two measures early in a concert

38. Who's the funniest person you know? haha good one. Maybe Craig. Or the translator of the DDR instructions.

39. Who's the meanest? Asher and Richard when they are playing risk.

40. Is it possible to have more than one best friend? just as possible as it is to have more than one true love

41. What is your favorite picture of yourself? The one of me being a kid in a candy store. I love that picture.

42. Do you think you're a good person? they used to call me a goodie-goodie. Don't know what that means. I generally stick by the rules, but I am far from the most generous or nicest etc.

43. Do you think others so? What kind of a question is that?

44. What's the worst pick up line you've heard? "Hey, what's your name? Ya know what that rhymes with? Beautiful."

45. Who was the last person you were mad at? prolly my mom

46. Do you like it if someone bites you? it depends on a lot.

47. What's the worst medicine you've ever had? the wisdom teeth medicine made my head blow up

48. Who's your favorite comedian? don't have one, like em all.

49. Johnny Depp: Hot or not? Ouch, he burns.

50. Does size matter? For many things, yes, for some things, no. That's another vaugue question.

@$%!*&$#&%$#@ Tanglewood!
Give me your dang response!
GIVE IT TO ME

Today happened to be the day I was possibly the most scared I've ever been. Tonight I went to see The Secret Window with Katie and Rebecca, and the movie was pretty scary, I guess (The very last thing in the movie ruined the fright for everything though). But before the movie is what freaked me out. As we were in the movie theatre halls, walking toward our movie, a man walked--no, glided--by. He wore a long, black trench coat, had creepy, menacing hair, and a tall, black hat pulled over his eyes to give a shadowy look to his face. I could've sworn he had a cape but Rebecca and Katie say it was just the trench coat. Anyway, he gave me the creeps as soon as I saw him. He was walking so quickly. It was like a killer guy that you'd see in a movie except this wasn't a movie, it was real. Well I guess all he really did was walk by. But it still almost made me pee my pants, I swear. Man, that dude was the scariest looking guy I've ever seen. I'm gonna have nightmares about him. You're probably laughing now, but if you could've seen him...::shiver::

I went to Krienes' a few days ago to practice with him. He got really excited when he heard that I was playing the Prokofiev, and he got even more excited after I played it. He started running (pacing?) around his house looking for a recording that I "just had to hear." Well, he couldn't find it at the moment, but he promised me that he would have it when I went back to practice the next day. Well, I came back, and he had for me a copied recording of Mathieu Dufour playing the fourth movement of the Prokofieff (the movement that I am playing). It is amazing how similar we interpret things, Dufour and me. I would say that if it didn't sound so good that it was me playing. Maybe he's my musical soul mate (snort). It makes me happy because he is the new principle of the Chicago Symphony, at only 33 years old. I told Mr. Krienes that that was what I was going to do, be a principle of a major orchestra at 33 years old. He laughed and told me that anything was possible. Indeed.

Come on, Tanglewood, I'm tired of waiting. Bring it on, good or bad. I can take it.

::Makes strange noises::

Sorry, my AIM's been down all (yester)day, so I've been cut off from the rest of the world. It was kinda nice, though, with no interruptions and such.
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I don't know what to think anymore. Every day is like a roller coaster. I want to give up hope, but how could I? I would, but what's the point? It's just as easy to keep on truckin. Anyway, I can tell myself that I have given up hope but that's not neccessarily what my mind and heart think. Keep your faith, Ash. Someday when you least expect it...