I was wandering through the poem blog again, and I found this old poem I wrote last year:

Saturday, November 22, 2003

"Zounds!"
The gnomom tells me
a quarter outflanked of twelve
a juncture to launder
my cranium and to delve
into the profound, abysmal, and subaqueous
macrocosm of metrical composition

"Whatever shall I formulate?"
Oblivion are my intimations
of a metric, perspicuous entity of verse
Which promulgates locution but not affrications
The cognizance of my quandary
buffalos even the sinewy intelligentsia

But I indubitably desiderate
a virtuoso work of oeuvre d'adroitness
or a admirable proficiency
of evoking phantasmagoria in zoitness

Zounds!

-Ashley "I made up the second to last word to trick ya" Stahl

posted by Ash
at 1:17 am


Why was I so awesome before?
And why doesn't anyone post on the poem blog anymore?

RANDOMNESS!!!

Yesterday at marching band I was really hyper and I made a lot of people laugh by acting really stupid. It was fun.
I've noticed that the more I act stupid, the more people end up smiling when I'm around. AND the more I act stupid, the more fun I have. Funny how that works.

Something is picking at my nerves, but I'm afraid to say what it is. And afraid to do anything about it. Afraid of the consequences. It would be the right thing to do. Now I understand why people sometimes have to get hurt if you do the right thing. If you want to help them.
UUUGGHHH I don't want to make anyone mad. Help me out and examine your life right now, readers.

Also, I miss Rebecca.

The freshman string players in fourth block are really funny. They're not afraid of anyone or anything, and they all have really defined and distinct personalities. It's fun to watch them in action...

Jesus was tempted by sin everyday just like we are, but he never fell for it. Can you imagine not ever sinning, ever? That's just plain amazing. Don't know what made me think of that. But man.

In other news, all-state auditions are tomorrow. And then a football game. Yay.

Rock the hula!

Yesterday I was looking at pictures for the senior page, especially the pics from a long time ago when I was really little. I was so happy and so cute. My favorite pose was to smile realllly big practically ear to ear. Those picures make me smile. Not only are they funny and cute but they remind me of being a child with complete innocence again. Kids don't worry about anything, now isn't that a wonderful life to have.
Makes me think about how much I am not a child anymore...and I should be. Everyone should be a child. No fears about life, no worries about the earthy things we say we need. No cares at all, just complete faith that things will work out allright. I don't think any child was worried that he wouldn't have a house after the hurricanes. Because they don't care. Where do worries get you? Nowhere. Nowhere at all. So why do we worry, especially about things that are out of our control? Why not just have trust, as we once did?

I remember those days. They were good days.

Tomorrow I am going to be a happier, healthier, holier, funnier, and more spontaneous person than today.

I just recieved three more of my Interlochen CDs, including the WYSO concert with Gerard Schwarz/the Sibelius and the concerto competition concert! Now those are CDs to show off if I've ever seen any. Right now I'm listening to Samuel Jones Variations on a Theme of Howard Hanson (the Interlochen theme). These make me so happy that I'm gonna...I don't know...jump around and act like a fool.
::Jumps around and acts like a fool::
Ohmanohmanohman

Homecoming is in two weeks!! It really snuck up on me. Is snuck a word?
Okay so should I go? It's only 12 dollars I think. But if not, I could have another non-homecoming party, and that would be fun. Eh.
It's amaazing to think that someone as intelligint and smrt and talentad and beuteyful and so perfact as MY FRIENDS and ME could not have a dayte!

Me: Marching band, I hate you.
Marching band: oh now I'm sad

Hey hey, whatddya say? Let's P-L-A-Y play!
What the heck is that from?

There was (was or were? There was an amount. There were an amount. I think it's was. But I'm not sure.) an extrordinary amount of mosquitos in the bandroom at zero block today. And they all bit me and it made me sad :(
And then I got to line the field instead of practicing in third block and that made me sad too.
But then someone and it's okay.

Someone at Interlochen who went there the previous year said that when you come back after it and you're having a bad day, your mind goes back to Interlochen and the people and the places and you can re-live the feeling of it and it makes you feel better, like the memory is a safe haven from the world or something. That's good and stuff.

I am starting to understand why Alex acted the way he did all year last year. Many things after camp seem very boring and normal now. But I shouldn't write that because I'm being a jerk. But oh well that's the price you pay for going to Interlochen.
I know that there's blessing in boring and normal, I just have to find it.

Bright cheery smiles make my day!

Hey I should be practicing but I'm not hey what's new.
Allright, it's easy mac time.

Oh man I got some of my Interlochen CDs and it makes me SOo happy!!
I'm listening to the operetta CD right now, Ruddigore by Gilbert and Sullivan. I played in the pit orchestra, and it was one of the funnest thing I did there.
Oh man it makes me happy.

"You have no idea what a poor opinion I have of myself!...and how little I deserve it."
-Ruddigore

What I really want to know is why am I not practicing right now?

I am very lucky and very happy for it.
Thank you, God.

I love you.

Once upon a time in a faraway land there was a girl and her name wasn't Ashley or Ashlee or Ashely or even Ashleigh because those names are oh so overused. Indeed this girl's name was Lashley. One fair day she was wandering along an extremely straight road when suddenly she tripped over a toaster. Though quite puzzled that a toaster lay in the middle of the lonely road, she thought nothing of it and and proceeded to walk over it. That is, until the toaster grew and grew. The toaster then sprouted legs and arms and it picked Lashley up and ate her. As if that wasn't bad enough for the poor girl, the road moved and twisted in such a way that she no longer had any idea where she was anymore. And as if THAT wasn't bad enough, the toaster started to turn on the heat. Inside of the toasters toaster, Lashleigh struggled to free herself but to no avail. She was stuck, it seemed, to her her death. But then something miraculous happened. A blade of grass from the neighboring lawn unrooted itself and began punching the toaster. The other blades of grass noted this action and soon the whole lawn was punching the toaster, demanding that it free Lashley. The toaster, quite perturbed, sprouted a mouth and demanded that the blades of grass perform a talent show before it freed Lashely. So they did. And indeed the grass had a lot of talent: one group of blades performed a rock concert, one blade calculated high-level Calulus problems in its head, another blade recited the entire dictionary from memory, and another troupe put on an entire circus for the toaster. And those listed were just some of the amazing acts in the show! The toaster grew increasingly astounded as it observed the shining talents of the grass. Of course, it had no idea that the lawn possessed so much talent. In return for such an amazing show, the toaster freed Lashlee and diminished its size. The blades of grass, who were ever-giving to the girl, showed her the way home, as the road had changed and she was rather lost. When Laashley arrived at her home, she snuggled into her bed, satisfied that she actually survived the whole ordeal. When she awoke the next day, she swallowed a spoon for good luck and the toaster never bothered her again. She later married the lawn, and they lived happily ever after.
The end.

CHANGE OF PACE
I'm having more fun than you

This is exactly like summer except for one thing that's missing. I can't quite figure out what that one thing is but I know that its absence is making me sad and nostalgic.
So there's my random thought for the day.

IN OTHER NEWS
I have no other news. I feel so boring. I don't even know what I do all day anymore. Time just sort of passes by, unnoticed. Like I said, something is definitely missing.
BUT IT'S OKAY because I'm going to take a bike ride and you can't stop me. Okay you could stop me but by the time you read this I'll prolly have been longgone already so unless you are fast and really determined you can't stop me.
And then I'm going to practice in my living room where it's nice and echoey and try to make myself feel secure about my tone and control again.

Man, I'm just glad I got to miss two marching band practices and a football game. Hey, maybe we even missed a pep rally too! This hurricane had so many hidden blessings. But if I have realized the blessing then I guess it isn't hidden, huh?
Brain: Time for Ashley to stop talking
Me: Hey thats what all my friends say to me! Good old friends.

Sorry guys for pretending to be online when I wasn't. My away message mysteriously dissapeared ::eyes mom suspiciously::

!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i
It looks cool
!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i

Does anyone know if there's Bible study tonight?

Sad post...
Do you ever look into your past and wish things were somehow the same as they were before? I'm sure you do, everybody does. But you know what? Things will never be the way they were before. Never ever again. So you know what you gotta do? You gotta live with it. Make the most of things. Yes it's fine to look back and say "indeed those were good times ye bonnie lass" (what?) but its not okay to dwell on it forever. Where does that get you? Nowhere, that's where.
I have many memories that I don't want to forget and often I think of them and how happy I was. Not that I'm not happy now, but it was different. And sometimes I even wish that those times were present again. But they never will be. So maybe I'll try something new. Spice things up a little. Maybe I'll make some new memories to look back on someday.

Okay so today is song lyric day so sue me but these lyrics are really really good especially if you have heard the song.

Caledonia (Dougie MacLean)

I don't know if you can see

the changes that have come over me.

In these last few days, I've been afraid

that I might drift away.

So I've been telling old stories, singing songs

that make me think about where I came from,

and that's the reasons why I seem so far away today.

Oh and let me tell you that I love you

that I think about you all the time.

Caledonia, you're calling me, and now I'm going home.

If I should become a stranger,

you know that it would make me more than sad.

Caledonia's been everything I've ever had.

Oh and I have moved and kept on moving,

proved the points that I needed proving,

lost the friends that I needed losing,

found others on the way.

Oh and I have tried and kept on trying

stolen dreams yes there's no denying.

I have traveled far with concience flying

somewhere with the wind.

Oh but let me tell you that I love you

that I think about you all the time.

Caledonia, you're calling me, and now I'm going home.

If I should become a stranger,

you know that it would make me more than sad.

Caledonia's been everything I've ever had.

[cool Irish flute solo]

Now I'm sitting here before the fire.

The empy room, a forest wide.

The flames couldn't get any higher

then withered now they've gone.

But I'm steady thinking,

my way is clear,

and I know what I will do tomorrow.

When the hands have shaken and the kisses flow,

well I will dissapear.

Oh and let me tell you that I love you

that I think about you all the time.

Caledonia, you're calling me, and now I'm going home

If I should become a stranger,

you know that it would make me more than sad.

Caledonia's been everything I've ever had.

Oh and let me tell you that I love you

that I think about you all the time

Caledonia, you're calling me, and now I'm going home

If I should become a stranger,

you know that it would make me more that sad.

Caledonia's been everything I've ever had.

I LIKE THIS SONG, YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?
I didn't think so.

"The Whistler" (Jethro Tull)
I'll buy you six bay mares to put in your stable
six golden apples bought with my pay.
I am the first piper who calls the sweet tune,
but I must be gone by the seventh day.

So come on, I'm the whistler.
I have a fife and a drum to play.
Get ready for the whistler.
I whistle along on the seventh day
whistle along on the seventh day.

All kinds of sadness I've left behind me.
Many's the day when I have done wrong.
But I'll be yours for ever and ever.
Climb in the saddle and whistle along.

So come on, I'm the whistler.
I have a fife and a drum to play.
Get ready for the whistler.
I whistle along on the seventh day
whistle along on the seventh day.

Deep red are the sun-sets in mystical places.
Black are the nights on summer-day sands.
We'll find the speck of truth in each riddle.
Hold the first grain of love in our hands.

I think I posted something like this already but eh...
Sometimes bad things happen and there's nothing you can do about it. Should you give in to the situation? No! As the saying goes, nobody can make you mad except you. No situation makes you sad, it's your reaction to it that that changes you. You know how some people are, how you could spit in their face or punch them or something and they would still ask God to bless you? That's not giving into circumstamces. I don't think any person can do this on his own. The power to fight circumstances must come from elsewhere. At least it does for me, though I neither fight very well nor can see very well into the brains of others. But whenever I feel myself moping about something stupid I catch myself and say "Stop feeling sorry for yourself. What are you doing. You don't deserve pity, especially from yourself." Granted, it's easy for me to say this, I've had an easy life. But just remember that however bad things are, there is someone else out there worse off than you. And things could always get worse. So appreciate what you have. If you are anything like me, you don't deserve pity, not from yourself and not from others. So don't give into it.
Sorry if I'm a bit of a hypocrite on this one, I'm trying to amend that flaw.

Living in the dark is driving me crazy! At least we have electricity though. But still. I need to get out into the sunlight. But how to do it? Spider solitare is keeping me captive. I need an excuse to go out.
Spider solitare, you will be my downfall.

Rod Stewart is A-okay.

Me: You know what is one of the hardest things to do, brain?
Brain: I'll humor you. What is one of the hardest things to do?
Me: To wait patiently
Brain: Waiting is tough
Me: Not many people can do it well. Maybe that's why patience is a virtue.
Brain: Maybe. Now go practice.

Your favorite person is back in town
And by back I mean BACK.

Hehe I'm writing in the hotel lobby computer and it's very slow. Yay I'm safe from Frances.

I ate lunch with Mr. Schwindt and all the former THS band members who ended up at FSU. That was interesting.

Kay I gotta go now so bye.

Well, today was a-okay. I spent the day surfing the web, practicing, watching T.V. and playing spider solitare. Mostly the last one, though. I also took a walk outside so I could see the sunlight, for my house is tightly boarded up with no light allowed through. It was a lazy day if I've ever seen one.

My dad and I are leaving tomorrow around 6 AM. Wish us luck, and Godspeed to all (though I don't think anyone really knows what that means. Well, I don't at least.)

H. Frances, I hope you die. Very quickly.

Things are looking a lot better than they did yesterday. I think I was freaking out because I was so hungry (hadn't eaten from lunch till 9 at night).
We still don't know exactly what we're going to do. My dad and I have a hotel reservation for Tallahassee, but as time goes on, he's thinking more and more about just staying here. My mom, unfortunately, has to work at the EOC, "the bunker," which is apparently the safest building humanely possible. I still wish she could come with us. And then Craig's in Tallahassee, on his own.
In preparation for a power outage, we are attempting to eat everything in the freezer. My dad made about 20 chicken wings and we drank about 2 gallons of milkshake made from the ice cream in there. I am so full right now, but it was fun to make.

I will prolly write again before I leave, if I leave. But if I don't have a chance to, you guys just be safe. Don't take chances, and don't stop praying.

OK, so we're all scared about the hurricane. Is it okay to be scared? Answer me.

There were a bunch of funny things on the band whiteboard about H. Francis today. I'm glad people can joke about it. The thing is, there are worse things in life than hurricanes. Don't believe me? Think about it.

My family spent a lot of money this summer, and each person in the family got something they wanted. Craig got a piano (which he paid for half of it, but oh well), my mom got new carpet, my dad got a new bigscreen television, and I got to go to Interlochen. (For the record, mine costed the most. Therefore, I win.) And you know what? If this hurricane decides to destroy everything, all that money spent on posessions will be WASTED. From all that spent money, the only thing that will last is what I did at Interlochen. No hurricane can take that away. Nobody can. Unless they hit me really hard on the head and I get ammnesia.

Here's a verse that hit the nail on the head:
"[Job] said, 'I was born with nothing, and I will die with nothing. The Lord gave, and now he has taken away. May his name be praised!'"
Job 1:21

You guys who read this, just please stay safe. Please. I love you all to pieces.

I don wanna go ta marching band.
I dont wanna, I dont wanna, I dont wanna.
::throws a temper tantrum::

Something has been bothering me all day and it just resolved itself and it makes me happy. YAY.

I totally watched Pokemon the first movie today. Hahaha I'm funny. But really. It has good music! And it's all dramatic and stuff. It's actually pretty good for a cartoon film, even though most kids would get lost 5 minutes into the plot.

My to-do list is slowly but surely dwindling.

Jacques Ibert, you are one cool guy.

I KNEW that was going to happen. I am never going to share my thoughts ever again (snort)

You are a Kangaroo: Truly awesome, dude! Kangaroos
are some wicked creatures, as you can tell from
this totally awesome picture I have here! You
are the top of the marsupial list! Confident,
fun, and always up for a great time!

What Marsupial Are You?
brought to you by

Man it's not late enough yet, my mind isn't thinking of random things that make no sense. Darn.
It's thundering out. I like the thunder. Not all the time. Just once in a while. Enough to make it...special. Rain and thunder set a mood, just as well as the sun does. I like to think that the sun sets a laid-back mood. I know I get really lazy and carefree when I go out in the sun. That's just the way it is. But the rain and thunder/lightning, especially at night, set an extremely dark mood. It's a prefect setting to watch a scary movie or write an emotional poem or listen to minor mozart. Okay, now we're getting a little more random.

I've figured out the answer to the ongoing question of "Would you rather be hot or cold?" And no, the answer isn't neither because I know that's what all you dumb people out there want to say but if you weren't dumb you would've noticed that that isn't one of the choices.
ANYWAY.
Ok. So you don't like it when it's really hot, and you don't like it when it's really cold. But I don't think that's nessccessarily (I need to learn how to spell that word) true. I know nobody likes being cold. Who would jump into a pool of cold water because it feels good? Nobody. Yes, some people jump in a pool of cold water because they are maniacs or because it's fun or they think theyre cool or something but I seriously don't think anyone does it because it feels good. So then, who jumps in a pool of hot water because it feels good? Everyone I know does. Have you ever heard of jaccuzzi? How about a sauna? A hot tub? If you have one of these, you like being hot.
That doesn't convince you? How about this:
Have you ever gone to the beach? Was it hot or cold when you went? I know I don't go to the beach when it's cold out. I go when it's hot. Because the heat feels good. And the cold doesn't.
Still not convinced? Take a look:
Do you take a shower in hot or cold water? If you take a shower in cold water, you seriously have some temperature problems. I can't stand taking a shower in cold water (and I've done it before. I had to. It's quite possibly the most horrible thing on this earth). But I love showers in hot water. I actually want to stay there longer, usually, because hot showers feel so nice.
One last piece of evidence:
If you went on a cruise, where would you want to go, somewhere tropical or somewhere arctic? The statistics show that the majority of people in this world would rather be somewhere tropical. And you gotta trust the statistics (unless, of course, I made them up).

In conclusion, the answer to the question "Would you rather be hot or cold?" is, by my findings, hot.
But then theres all the stupid interpretations like "Doy doy hot and cold are not definite temperatures you can't just go around throwing adjectives in science" and I say shut up I don't care. You're just mad because you know I'm right.

If you talk to me tomorrow, don't let me do anything until I practice. At least two hours. At least. And I'm serious. You gotta refuse to do anything with me until I practice, no matter how much I beg and cry and punch. I haven't seriously practiced for 3 days now!
!!!

Brain: Ash, you're really dumb

Dude I totally just won spider solitare by skill and not luck.

Wow you are not normal

Are'>http://quizilla.com/users/Tequitos/quizzes/Are%20you%20normal%3F/">Are you normal?
brought to you by

Wow you are not normal

Are'>http://quizilla.com/users/Tequitos/quizzes/Are%20you%20normal%3F/"a>Are you normal?
brought to you by

Wow you are not normal

Are'>http://quizilla.com/users/Tequitos/quizzes/Are%20you%20normal%3F/"a>Are you normal?
brought to you by

Wow you are not normal

Are'>http://quizilla.com/users/Tequitos/quizzes/Are%20you%20normal%3F/"a>Are you normal?
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Friday, August 27, 2004

Make that 10 hours.

I've got nothing to say except that I should have been practicing for the last 3 hours.

Has there ever been a time when there was something that you knew you had to do because it was "the right thing to do" but you really really really didn't want to? And nobody was forcing you so it was your choice? Yeeeah. That's me pretty soon.

ANYWAY.

I just ate a meal of easy mac, a doughnut, and milk. And it actually wasn't too bad together.

Marching band...actually just life in general...is so much better than last year. My mom noticed that I've been in a good mood ever since I arrived back. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy that I'm not an officer this year. I can kick back and have the easy life. No rules, no responsibilities, nobody hating me, no worrying about if my section is doing what they should or not and worrying about what I should do if they aren't, etc. The list of perks could go on and on and on. It's so wonderful I can't even explain it.
PLUS my (two) classes are a joke this semester. I might as well not even go to school. Actually that's a lie. It's just that I'm used to so much harder stuff, so much more work. Last year at this time I had physics honors (Sprayberry), AP Calculus (Orletsky) and AP English (Thomas). Thats a deadly trio of classes if I've ever seen one. But right now I have College Algebra (Redlien) which is...ummm...not too hard....and American Government (Ball), which is the closest I get to a hard class right now, even though it looks like most of it's gonna be review of what I know already with a little added detail.
The stress factor is just not there. Plus...I know you're gonna roll your eyes, but Interlochen has changed me. I didn't use the phone or the computer or the television or the car, etc. I have now conquered those things. I don't need them anymore. And I feel free! I feel good about myself. Well, sometimes.
But still, compared to this time last year, I don't know how good I have it. Last year was not too good. I was losing myself and everything I cared about. There was a time in there where I seriously thought I was depressed. But not now!
And that ends Biography of Ash's Life, Vol. 1
(I wasn't being serious, all you who are readily waiting for Vol. 2)

I took an online IQ test, but I'm not going to tell you my score because I'm sneaky.
My piccolo smells like bug spray.
I got my Interlochen pics!

The first time I played with the THS band was when I was in eighth grade. It was a practice for the Washington DC trip. Apparently they needed more flutes (imagine! needing more flutes!) and I was a decent sister-flute who was going to be in wind ensemble the next year, so Schwindt invited me to go on the trip. At the practice, they left the second-chair flute spot open for me, behind only Heather. I struggled through all the music (the most difficult song being "American Salute") and left with my mouth hanging wide open in amazement. I didn't know bands could sound so beautiful! When I talked to the students in the band about how amazing it sounded, they all replied the same way..."We suck," to which I would reply, "Well, I'm used to middle school band, so everything sounds good to me." They would say "We still sound bad." I didn't believe them. How could they say they sounded bad?
Going through my years of high school, the band started sounding worse and worse. Not because the band actually grew worse, but because my perspective changed. Back in eighth grade, I didn't know what "beautiful" was. What I told people was true, everything sounded good to me. And now, unfortunately, everything sounds bad to me. In eighth grade, I couldn't ever have imagined the quality of the groups I was destined to be in someday. If I had, I wouldn't have called the DC band "beautiful."
In the same way, we are not very good or faithful people. From the eighth grade perspective, we may look beautiful, but deep down on the inside we are just a bunch of wrong notes and impercise rhythms. But we dont' see it because we are still so young. That's why we must keep growing...our growth is what tells us who we really are. Innocence--or is it ignorance?--will not suffice any longer. Maybe if we develop the right perspective, we will someday be worthy of the challenges placed before us. Until then, we will be stuck with the sound of high school and the mind of an eighth grader. AND THAT'S NO GOOD AT ALL.

I was gonna tell another story or something but I forgot what it was.
Oh well.

Marching band is dumb and it makes me sad ):
But Paul Hamm won the silver medal in the men's gymnastics high bar finals. Way to go, Paul!

Anywho....I should be going, or I'm gonna be late like I was at the two other practices I've been to. I hope we don't march on the field so I'll never get to learn the show. That'd be great!

Once again...marching band is dumb.

Today was a splendid day, and I'll tell you why. I saw/talked to several people who I haven't seen/talked to for quite a long time. AND IT MAKES ME HAPPY.

UNRELATED THOUGHT!
When I was young (younger), I used to love when I was in a moving car and it started raining. I would always watch the raindrops on the window travel from the front of the window to the back, you know, in the opposite direction that the car is moving. I would pretend that if the drops made it off the window, they would be saved. Saved from what, I don't know, but they would be saved. It was mesmerizing, watching the little drops be saved. I could've done it for hours, and I probably did. I cheered in my heart every time a drop was saved. But sometimes the drops couldn't make it on their own. The smaller drops always had a harder time traveling down the window while the bigger ones went barreling through, destroying everything in their path. Many times, a steadily-moving medium-sized drop would be traveling along and run into a smaller one...and they would join together and complete the journey as one drop! When the drops joined together, they grew bigger and were thus able to move much faster. And as they grew bigger, they collected more and more smaller drops on the way, helping them along. Eventually, the collected drops would form what I would call "monster drops." Monster drops moved so fast that they had absolutely no trouble being saved. The only problem was, they would leave a trail of helpless little drops behind them. It's almost as if they rejected what they once helped, and they only cared about themselves. I never liked when that happened, and I hated monster drops, because even though they themselves were saved, they created all kinds of trouble for the smaller ones they rejected. My favorite kind of drops were the clean, medium-sized ones that didn't leave a trail of small drops behind while they were traveling. That's when you know the drops really care, when they welcome every small drop they encounter and don't leave any behind. But they always had to beware of collecting too many, because monster drops are extremely easy to form.

Ahh, childhood. Gotta love it.

I got a new toothbrush and it makes me happy.
There's no place like home.
Maybe I should learn how to use the phone.
I like playing my flute, but not when I sound like poo.

I learned at camp that while I have no trouble making friends, I'm actually anti-social. I avoid doing social things with people. Like talking. And going places to "hang out." I never seem to "feel like it," which really means I don't want to. Oh well.

Stressed is desserts spelled backwards.
What country is VIN?
I want to say what I want to say, but I will wait a little longer. Maybe it's not even for bloggey.
IT BURNS.
Time for bed.

There's something that happens whenever my mom starts talking about colleges that makes me not want to talk about them anymore. I can talk about them with anybody else and I don't get mad so I want to figure out why it happens.

I just searched my name on the Internet for the very first time. It was scary. It came up with about 93 results, and about 5 or so were me (mostly lists of me on Interlochen programs or competitions I have won etc. There was also one from the poem blog.). There was this one that was some random guy's blog and he wrote, "I finally got the courage to ask Ashley Stahl out today." And I was like wooah there I don't know you but of course he didn't mean me but it's just crazy seeing your own name and having it not mean you. And now somebody with my name is going to search their name and have this come up and they're gonna be like cool she wrote about searching my name. And we have the same name.
Yeah.

One more thing...I've lived in a wooden cabin in the middle of nowhere for the last 8 weeks. I had hardly any way to communicate with the outside world. So basically I dropped off the face of the earth for two months and I have no idea whats happening with anybody right now. I'm trying to scan through livejournals, etc, but I certainly can't read it all. So please tell me if I need to know something that happened, in your life or the world in general.
Thank you.

Man, my summer sure was boring, uneventful, and unsuccessful. I didn't learn anything at camp and I didn't get to do anything cool. I also did not get any better at the flute and my auditions reflected it. My orchestra was the worst ever and we played bad music, I didn't make any friends, and it was NO FUN AT ALL. I also didn't get a chance to grow spiritually because I was all cooped up in a cabin in the woods. I wish I didn't go to Interlochen at all.

....gotcha.

Yeah, I'm not gonna go into all the details because there are just way too many and I wouldn't even know where to start, but as I said, I will never be the same again because of it. Interlochen is the awesomest of all the awesomes. The best thing ever.

And now I will give you with a reading that I stumbled over when I was there:
"Christ is the visible likeness of the invisible God. He is the first-born Son, superior to all created things. For through him God created everything in heaven and on earth, the seen and unseen things, including spiritual powers, lords, rulers, and authorities. God created the whole universe through him and for him. Christ existed before all things, and in union with him all things have their proper place. He is the head of the body, the church; he is the source of the body's life. He is the first-born Son, who was raised from death, in order that he alone might have the first place in all things. For it was by God's own decision that the Son has in himself the full nature of God. Through the Son, then, God decided to bring the whole universe back to himself. God made peace through his Son's sacrificial death on the cross and so brought back to himself all things, both on earth and in heaven."
-Colossians 1:15-20

Oh yeah I just remembered..thank you so much to those of you who wrote letters to me when I was at camp! They were like shining stars on dark days. Except the days usually weren't dark, but whatev. And it didn't even matter how long they were. Just that you were thoughtful enough to think of me was awesome. So thanks!

So now starts my new life. Help me, God.

I will never be
the same again.
I can never return,
I've closed the door.
I will walk the mile,
I will run the race,
and I will never be
the same again.

Potato potato.

Glory to God in the highest
Sing glory to God!
Glory to God in the highest,
and peace to His people on Earth!

Okay...I leave tomorrow. Leave the house at 5:00 AM, the plane takes off near 8:00 AM. Transfer from Detroit to Traverse City, and I'm there.
I will not be posting anymore for 8 weeks. I will have no computer access, so don't send any emails.
Oh God help me, I am going to miss everyone. Saying goodbye is one of the hardest things to do. I know I'm gonna want to cry when I say goodbye to my parents. After all, I missed them the most out of everyone last year when I went to Cannon. Plus I went there with one of my best friends. And this camp is farther away and twice as long. With no cellphone. Or computer.
But the music! Think of the music. The second orchestra is playing Sibelius, Barber, Bernstein, Dvorak, and Prokofiev, Daugherty, and Arnold in just the first two weeks!
If I make that orchestra, I'll get to play things like Sibelius' Finlandia, Gliere's Red Poppy, Brahms' Acedemic Festival Overture, Holst's The Planets, Gershwin's Porgy and Bess, Humperdink's Hansel and Gretel, Tchaikovsky's The Nutcracker, Berstein's Overture to Candide, and Williams' The Cowboys.
If I'm in the top orchestra, I'll get to play 6 Bach pieces in just the first week! They are playing things like Ravel's Mother Goose Suite (can anyone say piccolo solo?), Hindemith's Symphonic Metamorphasis, Britten's Soirees musicales, Wagner's The ride of the valkyries, and Liszt's The Preludes. They are playing full symphonies by Mahler, Tchaikovsky, Williams, and Sibelius and performing with guest artists like Sarah Chang and Liz Koch.
And that's just a little bit of the repetoire and guests!

Man, I'm gonna be living with 10-16 other girls. Can you imagine the type fo friendships that can form form that? I'm quite sure that I'm going to have a blast and learn a ton, but I am equally sure that I am going to miss everyone like never before. Check your emails...right now! Do what I said, please!
I know it's kinda dorky, but I am bringing pictures of all my friends and family so if I get homesick I can look at them and feel better.

Man...I can't even imagine how different I am going to be when I come back. School will have started already, and marching band! Man. And I'll have to look at colleges, be a part of a whole new youth orchestra, and so on. It'll be crazy!

(If I live to be eighty, Interlochen will make up 0.2% of my life!)

But for now, I am pumped up! Wish me luck on my audition(s), and I'll see you all in eight weeks!

THANK YOU, JESUS!

Two more days (including today).
99% excited
1% scared
Sound right?
Manohman.
Manohmanohman.
Manohmanohmanohman.

3 days till Interlochen!
Should I practice or take a nap? (or play spider solitare while trying to decide?)
I need to practice.
But I want to take a nap.
Ahh, what the heck.
Ya only get 24 hours a day.
I'll take a nap.
It'll help my playing just as much...
right?

4 days till Interlochen.
I'm proud of my students. They say they practice, and I can tell that most of them do. Overall they are way ahead of where they are supposed to be. There are some amazing players in there; they catch onto everything I say the first time I say it. I try to think back if I was like that when I was in beginning band, and I wasn't! I was just like all the others. So if they are that good right now, imagine how good they are going to be later on! It boggles the mind. Of course there are people who don't catch on so quickly and they need more help. I feel bad for those people because they do try but they don't have the talent and they are going to have to work twice as hard to be as good as the talented. Can hard work ever make up for talent? I don't know man. I like to believe that anyone can be the best, even against all odds. But you have to really want it.
-------------------
I wonder how good I am going to be in comparison to others at Interlochen. I don't want to say worse or better because to tell you the truth I really don't know. I can dream about making first chair or the concerto competition or I can fear being last chair but I don't know what to expect. But I do know that even if I am not the best, I know I will work hard.
Whatever happens though, I am going to be happy because everyone is a wonderful player and both orchs are playing some dang good music. Actually, if both orchestras were the same level and I had to make a choice based on the music, I don't know which one I would pick.
So there.
::fade to black::

My email is back up, so you guys can email me now. If you want to.
Interlochen in 5 days.
I need to see you guys again before I leave.

I'm not a happy camper right now.
I was very happy when the summer started.
My happiness has slowly leaked away.
And it's all YOUR fault.
Jerks.

I somehow feel like I'm being forgotten...

Today I practiced a lota lot.
Interlochen in 6 days.
I need to practice more.

By 10:30 today I already went three games over my spider solitare limit.

Heyo! This week was wild and crazy! But that's not redundant. Sort of.
It was getting yelled at by a middle school science teacher and laughing and practicing and teaching some upcoming virtuosos and listening to new and old music and playing new and old music and getting community service hours and playing with the pipers at a retirement home and Bible study and eating on the run and Beatles concert and driving crazily and praying and no sleep and senior pictures and waking up at 6:30 and waiting for a number of things and getting new floors in the house and the car going to the shop and crawling under the bed and a flat bike tire and church bells and spilling water and lizards running in front of me and cleaning out drawers and getting rid of things I never thought I'd get rid of and waiting and making mad dashes to places and getting horribly upset at the situation and dancing in my room and hoping and checking email and Interlochen in 7 days! and saying goodbye and a horse named cowboy and freecell and spider solitare and hormones and screaming on the inside and wanting to be alone and doing things that I want to do and doing things that I don't want to do and dusting and television and practicing more and waiting some more and man I'm glad I don't go to middle school anymore and keeping my cool and a man named Julio but pronounced Hulio and no scratches on the new floor!!! scream!!! and the sitar and practicing piano for the first time since cannon and talking to someone from cannon and meditation quiet time and Ibert and breaking my back moving furniture and Alexander Grahm Bell invented the telephone and man I can fit all my books on my bookcase now and a picture for the New York Phil and a college competition and 11:30 church instead of 9:30 and making my own eggs and being excited
and stuff

Okay, here it goes:
Yesterday at my lesson after I played a very fast exercise for my teacher, she commented that my fingers were very forcefully slapping the keys, and a loud key slap sound is not good technique. The pressing of the keys should always be smooth, gentle and relaxed, she said. The thing was, she could only hear a loud key pound when I played very fast (the etude was pretty much as fast as my fingers can go). We even did an experiment where I played the same excercise at a lower speed, and that time she could not hear a loud key slap. Okay, I thought. Smooth, gentle, and relaxed. But when I tried that, it didn't work. I kept pounding the keys. So it got me thinking...
Momentum is velocity times mass, right? My fingers are the mass, the speed they go is the velocity. (Bear with me here.) So if I play at a slow speed, my fingers have a set mass and a small velocity, and therefore a relatively small momentum, which means the keys aren't slapped as hard. But, when I play at a faster speed, my fingers have the SAME mass as they did with the slower speed but a greater velocity, therefore having a greater momentum and a harder pound of the keys. Ya with me? So after all that thinking I concluded that it would be impossible to not slap the keys harder at a faster tempo. One could try as hard as they could, but the fingers would still have more momentum. And at the speed I was going, my fingers probably had a very great momentum.
I tried to explain this to my teacher, but I don't think she believed me and/or didn't care. I prolly messed up somewhere anyway and I've got it all wrong. But it should be right, I think...shoot, I hear Pahud's keys slappin. It can't be that bad.

Oh, so I DID learn something in physics?

Summer band would be a lot cooler if I didn't have to wake up at 7:00 for it.

The hardwood floors are in. Everything echos now. Yay.

I'm slackin on my practicing. I've been so busy! That's no excuse though. It'd be a dream come true if I made it into the top orch at Interlochen. I need to practice. More.
Interlochen in 9 days.

This is my post from yesterday:
Craig: "Ewwww, you're listening to classical music? It doesn't even have any words!"
Me: "A song without words is like a book without pictures."

Yup. There's lots of people putting thedang floors in my house and they speak spanish all the time. I thought all that time I spent listening to 98.1 would help me to understand spanish at least a little, but it didn't. At all.

Don't send me any emails until I post that you can, because I have run out of storage space and I don't know how to clear it. And if you send me something it will just be bounced back to you.

During school I think a lot but during summer I don't.
Wellp, back to spider solitare.
Have a nice day.

This is my post today:
Ummm....yeah.
No going away party for me. Have it at the beach this Sunday, but I can't be staying up late any day of the week because I have to wake up early every day.
BC Calculus should be fourth block next year
Or heads will roll.

Do you ever get into a mood where you just get mad because people talk to you? I mean, not even people who mean you harm or anything, just people that talk to you, period. I get into moods like that, and they are totally stupid. I mean, when someone talks to you, shouldn't you be happy? But nooo, I have to get all mad. Stupid hormones and the stupid moods they bring...

This is my post from yesterday:Craig: "Ewwww, you're listening to classical music? It doesn't even have any words!"
Me: "A song without words is like a book without pictures."

Yup. There's lots of people putting thedang floors in my house and they speak spanish all the time. I thought all that time I spent listening to 98.1 would help me to understand spanish at least a little, but it didn't. At all.

Don't send me any emails until I post that you can, because I have run out of storage space and I don't know how to clear it. And if you send me something it will just be bounced back to you.

During school I think a lot but during summer I don't.
Wellp, back to spider solitare.
Have a nice day.

This is my post today:
Ummm....yeah.
No going away party.
BC Calculus should be fourth block next year
Or heads will roll.

Today was my first day teaching the little devils up at Jackson MS. It's a good thing Alyssa is there, because people tend to not like me too much as a teacher. Anyway, it was kinda fun up until the advanced students came. Then don't listen too well because they are friends and they talk all the time, and as Mrs. Lowe always used to say, "You can't talk and listen at the same time."
I like teaching the beginning students. Some of them sound so dang good! Both classes learned D and E flat today, and the small class even learned how to tounge. I love the feeling of teaching them and having them sound good because of something you told them to do. It's almost like you yourself do it. I don't know...
Well, that's gonna be my job until I go to Interlochen. I better get used to it.

Karg-Elert, your etudes are hard.
Taffanel and Gaubert, exercise four in your book is extremely long.

We're getting hardwood in my house. In all the rooms except the bedrooms. Yes, even the living room is going to be hardwood. How stupid is that? Now nobody is gonna be able to sit on the floor (especially me. If my back hurts because of sitting on carpet, imagine how much it will hurt by sitting on hardwood.)

News flash: I've gotten addicted to spider solitare.

That is all.

You have a twisted soul! Twisted Souls are never bad,
and actually are a rarity amongst souls.
These souls are a little combination of
everything, with always a little of their own
chaos to add. Twisted Souls are kind, loving,
weird, zany, temperamental, and very talented.
They have their own firm opinion, and can at
one time be very outspoken and passionate, and
the other time shy and feeling insignificant.
Twisted Souls have good senses of humor sometimes and
other times can be a bore. They can act quite
intelligent at one time, and grasp concepts
easily, while other times they find it
difficult to understand. Twisted Souls are
always very fun and kind, and can be party
animals. But, if they love someone, they're
serious about it, intense, and forever loyal.
Congratulations-the world should have more like
you.


What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla

Find the error:
http://www.interlochen.org/news/nePRpak.htm

Everything was so perfect up until today.
Well I guess it had to happen sometime.
Stupid hormones.
Grr...
I know. I'll go listen to my good friend Mozart. He always makes worries seem so insignifigant and stupid.

I played in a recital today. Me and the ol' trio played the ol' Hovahness. We got lost in the best movement. Oh well. Nobody really noticed.

I'm taking the SAT tomorrow. It's the perfect summer activity, don't you think?

Interlochen is gonna be so kickin I can't wait. I wonder what my chamber ensemble is going to consist of. I hope it's not stupid. I hope it's a woodwind quintet. Then maybe we could play Barber's Summer Music. It fits because it's in the summer, get it? Wakka wakka wakka. But I don't think it will be a quintet because they include horn, a brass instrument, and my class is called WW Chamber Music. Oh well. Maybe I'll have to settle with a bunch of really bad flute players. Haha just kiddin. But they won't be any better than what I play with now. Maybe they will. I don't know. I am so spoiled.
Interlochen is gonna be so awesome...

Harry Potter was okay, but the best part about it was an AMAZING mad flute solo in the middle when a leaf or soemthing as blowin around. I don't really remember what was happening because I was too occupied with drooling about the flute. It kinda reminded me of "La Voliere" (sp?) (The Bird) from The Carnival of the Animals. I've played that (or attempted to play it) and I can appreciate how difficult it is to pull off the mad double tounging for such an extended period of time. And some other flute solos in the score were pretty amazing too. I wanna find out who that person is. And make him/her teach me how to play.
And did anyone else notice that Sherk 2 opened with a lone solo flute? I think my instrument is moving up in the world.
Oh yes. Haha. It already was up in the world.

Allright, allright, time to do something. DO IT. You know you want to.

Shoot...I forgot that I have to wake up early.

I'm experimenting with makeup tonight...don't laugh if I look silly.

From The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King by J.R.R. Tolkien:
"As he turned and came towards them Frodo saw that Gandalf now wore openly on his hand the Third Ring, Narya the Great, and the stone upon it was red as fire. Then those who were to go were glad, for they knew that Gandalf also would take ship with them." (pg. 339)

Allright! I keep spilling water on myself.

I remember this:
My house in NY had a basement in it, and there was a set of stairs leading down into the basement. I was very young-3 maybe-when this happened.
I got a cookie from the cookie jar and then decided that I wanted to go downstairs to talk to my dad before I ate it. So I headed to the basement with cookie in hand. When making the journey down, (for it is a journey for a 3-year-old) I tripped and fell all the way down the stairs. I gained many new bruises and cuts from that fall. I remember banging my head and arms and everything on the stairs. But the whole time I was falling, I held my cookie high in the air and protected it from breaking or crumbling. Actually, that's why the fall was so bad, because I protected my cookie and not me. At the bottom I was in a lot of pain, but I stood up, smiled, raised my cookie up for my dad to see, and proudly announced, "I still got my cookie!"

I have so much time on my hands that I'm starting to floss! What is this world coming to?

"You guys aren't hard core enough for My Fair Lady"
-Asher

Now don't you readers worry, because my computer is back and it's better than ever. Soon I'll have AIM installed and everything will be back to norm.

I discovered two things today (well I prolly discovered more than that but these are the two big ones):

1) I have always said that I am a non-violence person, but this just isn't true. I will punch people up if they make me mad. I almost did it today. Pretty scary...

2) All males are the same. Everytime you think one is different, they always end up being the same as all the others. Stupid guys and their stupid antics.
Note: I once told myself that I would never write a guy-bashing post because I think they are stupid. But this person really deserves it, and it isn't for me, it's for my friend.

In other news, my summer has been the best I could ask for. Many times I wonder why my life is so wonderful, when I am so far from deserving any of it. Things never quite work the way you would expect, do they? That's why I never say "Expect the unexpected," but I say "Never expect anything." And yet I find it impossible to never expect anything. It boggles the mind (well, my mind at least).

My computer is down for a while, this is Craig's comp. (sorry I hope you won't mind).

WAH! The results came, and they were worth the wait.
Interlochen in about three weeks.
This summer is getting pretty dang sweet.

"In the Beginning" from Children of Eden
This is sung by the company of Noah's ark after the flood when they are to rebuild the human race. It's better in song, but the lyrics are good.

This step is once again
our first
We set our feet upon
a virgin land
We hold the promise of the earth
in our hands

No flood from heaven comes again
No deluge will destroy
or purify
We hold the fate of man and men
It's in our hands

Now at this storm so green and black
We pray that we may long remember
How lovely was the world we had
In the beginning

Of all the gifts we have recieved
One is most precious and
most terrible
The will in each of us is free
It's in our hands

And if someday we hear a voice
If he should speak again,
our silent Father
All will tell us is the choice
is in our hands

Our hands can choose to drop
the knife
Our hearts can choose to stop
the hating
For every moment in our life
is the beginning

There is no journey gone so far
So far we cannot stop
and change direction
No doom is written in the stars
It's in our hands

We cannot know what will occur
Just make our journey worth
the taking
And pray we're wiser than we were
in the beginning
It's the beginning
Now we begin...

Children of Eden
grant us your pardon
All that we leave to you
Is beyond norm
Children of Eden
Seek for your garden
You and your children to come
someday to come home

That's what you said last summer
Thud

Is it okay that I just ramble about stuff, since I have nothing interesting to say? Yes it's okay because I am the writer and you are the reader and I CONTROL ALL! Mwahahahahaaaa!!!
First of all my resolution to own on flute has been working wonderfully. I go for 2-3 hour practice sessions (not that I time them or anything)-every day-(that's the important part, the every day) and I can actually hear myself getting better. I practice harder, too, I don't let myself get away with sloppiness anymore. No more funny stuff. This is for real now. I've realized that losse ends won't tighten themselves up, you have to do t yourself. One thing I've learned is to switch off. This works very well if you practice every day. I alternate days on the solos, and scale patterns and other stuff. I'm currently working on two very long and difficult solos: Concerto by Ibert and Sonata by Prokofiev. They are both awesome, but I am especially psyched about the third movement of the Ibert, which will be kickin when I master it. You should hear Pahud play it, he amazes me like no other. He doesn't just make it sound perfect and effortless, but it sounds so beautiful too. Not a note is out of place, everything has direction, everything is perfect length, style, dynamic. His high register just makes me melt. I aim for that kind of sound that just floats like a bird in the sky, so effortless that anyone could do that any day of the week. Ahh writing about it makes me want to play. But alas, the family is asleep.
By the way...I am going to be the best. Remember that, ye who play flute.

Interlochen is coming swiftly, and man am I excited. Now that school is over, a lot of crope has disappeared, but I could still use a new environment. Everyone there will love what I love, will be serious about what I am serious about. Not exactly, but certainly the music. No worries about...stuff. Just music. Practice as long as I want. Two and a half hour orchestra rehearsals every day...yes, life will be good. I'm prolly not going to want to leave. I'm prolly going to miss my friends like never before. I'm prolly going to hate it when I come back to school. But oh well. It's gonna be awesome like never before.
And, as you can see, I was moved into orchestra, and I was a little happy when I found out. I'm still happy like that. Every time I think about it I want to yell for joy. I'm in orchestra! At Interlochen! What could be better?

The beach is paradise. I've talked about it before, but man. Today the water was just the right temperature plus I didn't sunburn one bit. So warm...so relaxing...how could someone not like it? Lying out in the sun makes me want to just stay there forever, soaking up the sun until the darkness comes and extinguishes the light. And then I would want to watch the sunset. I agree with The Little Prince when he says "You know, when you are feeling vey sad, sunsets are wonderful..." Not that I'm feeling very sad or anything...which reminds me, I should read that book again. Such a clever and...I don't know...quaint little book. Though I don't think I really know what quaint means and I'm too lazy to look it up right now.

I want my dang FSYO results! ::fists of rage::

This summer is going very well, everything besides the lurking College Essays that are ready to eat me every day when I come home. I do miss the new and exciting aspect of last summer-everything seemed so fresh and reviving!-but things change. Who am I to fight it?

Now I have a question for you, reader. What is more important: reason, cynicism, or faith? I don't think cynicism is spelled right but you know what I mean.

Silver and gold have I none
No land to count as my own
Yet wealth beyond measure I own
In the light of the love of the Lord

"Hey you kids, cut that out!"
-Emily

Tomorrow is going to be fun, and stuff.
Now that school is out, the intelligence has leaked out of my brain and I'm going to have nothing useful to say for a long time. See, look at the tense switch in that sentence. It's crazy talk, all of it.

Brain: Go practice
Me: Craig's sleeping
Brain: I know that, fool. Go to sleep then.
Me: It's only 11...
Brain: You'll like it when you wake up. I promise.
Me: But Brain...I don't wanna go to sleep...I'm not tired...(yawn)
Brain: You fool! Fine. Don't listen to me then. See how you like it.
Me: Okay I'll go. Pushy pushy.

I am doing a quiz, foo.

M E-
[My name is]: Ash(ley)
[in the morning i am]: breathing
[love]: what about it?
[i dream about]: beetlejuice

-W I T H .T H E. O P P O S I T E. S E X-
[what do you notice first?]: face
[last person you danced with]: cant remember

-W H O-
[do you have a crush on?]: if you really want to know then ask me in person
[easiest to talk to]: my mom and rebecca

-H A V E .Y O U .E V E R-
[fallen for your best friend]: haha no, mainly because most of my best friends have been girls

-W H O .W A S .T H E .L A S T. P E R S O N-
[you talked to on the phone]: ummm...I have no idea
[hugged]: mom
[you instant messaged]: shannon
[you laughed with]: prolly craig

-D O .Y O U / / A R E .Y O U-
[could you live without the computer]: of course
[what's your favorite food?]: spaghetti
[whats your favorite fruit?]: apple
[what hurts the most?]: what kind of a question is that?

-N U M B E R-
[of times i have had my heart broken? ]: mid twenties
[of hearts i have broken?] : around 11
[of boys i have kissed?] : 24
[of girls i have kissed?] : 2
[of drugs taken illegally?] : 5004 (by the way all the past numbers were not real)
[of tight friends?] : too lazy to count
[of cd's that i own?]: a lot
[of scars on my body?] : a couple
[of things in my past that i regret?] : woah now...thats crazy talk

-O.T.H.E.R.T.H.I.N.G.S.-
[i know]: how to play the flute
[i want]: to serve God
[i have]: stuff
[i wish]: upon a star
[i hate]: some things that I shouldn't
[i miss]: my friends from cannon
[i fear]: myself
[i hear]: piano scales and a metronome
[i search]: for answers
[i love]: kitties
[i ache]: if I lie on my stomach
[i care]: about you
[i always]: breathe
[i dance]: the jitterbug!
[i cry]: no I don't
[i do not always]: do what I should
[i write]: freely
[i confuse]: my competition
[i can usually be found]: wanting to practice
[i need]: love
[have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing]: no
[favorite place to be kissed?]: i don't know
[have you ever been caught "doing something"]: lol once me and me bro looked for our christmas presents and got caught

-ARE.YOU.A-
[wuss]: I like to think not
[druggie]: no
[gang member]: no
[daydreamer]: if the setting is right
[alcoholic]: no
[freak]: I dont think so..
[brat]: yeah
[goody-goody]: yeah, to some people
[angel]: nope human
[devil]: see above
[friend]: yes, but not a very good one
[shy]: no that shell has opened
[talkative]: kind of...yes
[adventurous]: not travelwise but thoughtwise yes in other words mentally not physically
[intelligent]: in some ways
[conceited]: very

-Concerning.The.Friends.(You.Claim.To.Have)-
thats mean!
[affected you the most spiritually]: Asher, and Richard, suprisingly
[wish you saw more often]: Amanda
[wish you could meet]: Eric
[most sarcastic]: Alyssa
[wish you knew better]: Will and Andrew
[knows you best]: Rebecca
[best outlook on life]: Erin
[most paranoid]: Rebecca (sorry its true)
[sweetest]: awww blast it

-Self-Analysis.You.Probably.Don't.Want.To.Do-
[your best feature (personality)]: ability to...have fun?
[your biggest flaw (personality)]: everything
[most annoying thing you do]: flip the pages of books and crack my toes (though I really can't help it!)
[biggest mistake you've made this far]: not praying enough
[describe your personality in one word]: inquisitive
[the physical feature for which you are most often complimented]: eyes
[person you regret sleeping with]: haha thats funny
[a smell that makes you smile]: fall in New York
[a country you'd like to visit]: Ireland, France, England, Austrailia, Mexico, Egypt, Japan, the list could go on and on
[a drink you order most often]: milk
[a delicious desert]: buscuit..oh wait thats not a dessert. Ummm...ice cream sundae
[a book you highly recommend]: A Little Princess by some person that I forgot
[the music you prefer while alone]: orchestral stuff
[your favorite band]: Terrier Sound. I know, I'm a dork.
[a film you could watch over and over]: Pirates and Moulin Rouge and LOTR
[a TV show you watch regularly]: Survivor
[you live in a(n)]: country
[your transportation]: bike! or car
[your cologne or perfume]: sometimes I'll put on some of that purple stuff if I smell bad
[under your bed or in your closet you hide]: memories
[something important on your night table]: my Bible

I am Catholic.

OHHHHHH YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got switched from band into orchestra for Interlochen!!!!!!!!
Thank you so much, whoever dropped out!!!!!!!!!
I'm floating on air!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Man...ya learn something new every day.

I just got three phone calls in a row! That's mania!

Mmmmm...Pilsbury buscuit warm from the oven, smothered in butter and jelly, crumbling in your hand as you eat it...it doesn't get any better than that.
-------------------
I am winning The Waiting Game. I am the leader by far.
-------------------
Me: Only one more day left!!
Brain: Duh, Ashley, everyone knows that.
Me: You always have to ruin everything, brain. Why can't you just be happy like your fellow organs?
Brain: Go study, you fool.
-------------------
Mike told me once that the only thing on his livejournal "To-do" list was world domination. He also told me that it says it is 30% completed.

I have decided. Everyone always talks about how much competition there is in flute. I no longer care. I am going to practice the most, work the hardest, and be the best. There is no question anymore. I am going to be the best.

Yup yup yup...
FSYO is way too good. Waaay too good. There's so much competition, so much drama, too, within the flutes. Everyday one of us goes, "Man I hope those results come soon." We all share these feelings, but we all hope for different things. At least one of us is going to make it; at least one of us is not going to make it. That's my prediction. But it's hard to talk about these things with the very people you hope to beat! When someone brings up the results, I can feel a tension builing between us. It's going to be even harder once the results do come. There's only one first chair spot and not everyone is going to be happy, and we are inevidably going to be jealous of each other. I never thought that competition would repress friendship, and I hope it doesn't start now. This is treading tough ground, right here.
IN OTHER NEWS!
Today was okay. Not doing much in school nowadays.
-First block I read my book most of the block.
-Second block I played four rounds of rummy, one round of war, and one round of BS with Chris, Nick, and Zach. (It was the first time I ever played rummy and I obliterated them in two of the rounds. And poor Chris has the worst luck ever.)
-Third block I had one of the best practice sessions in a while.
-Lunch was kinda lonely, seeing as everyone is gone.
-Fourth was the only block I actually did any work. Here I wrote intro and conclusion for me term paper. And some stuff.

Well, school is winding down, and I'm getting happier and lazier. Come on, summer, bring it on!

Mmmm I can't complain.

Man I smell so bad! I don't think this new deodorant works.

What's the difference between the meanings of the words "corny" and "cheezy?" Do they mean the same thing?

Oh yes...and happy graduation, my senior friends. I sure hope is doesn't rain for your big night.
Have fun at grad night, too. Have a blast. This is your night, after all. It will never happen again.
Goodbye Jeremy
Goodbye Joe
Goodbye Bekka
Goodbye Mike
Goodbye Will
Goodbye other Mike
Goodbye Alex
Goodbye Ellen
Goodbye Brad
Goodbye Rosanne
Goodbye Katie
Goodbye other Katie
Goodbye Seth
Goodbye Alyssa
Goodbye Savannah
Goodbye Andrew
Goodbye Joanna
Goodbye Samantha
Goodbye Darrell
Goodbye Rebecca
Goodbye Lee
Goodbye Amanda
Goodbye Danalee
Goodbye Jessica
Goodbye other Seth
Goodbye Ilea
Goodbye Beth
Goodbye Zach
Goodbye Carolyn
Goodbye Patrick
Goodbye Chris
Goodbye Deanna
Goodbye Erin
Goodbye people I forgot to say because I'm dumb but I love you anyway.
And finally, goodbye to the seniors not in band or orchestra.
I'll miss you all, and so will the rest of THS.

My FYAO audition was today. I did wonderfully, even though I hardly prepared for it. Both me and the conductors/auditioners knew that I was going to make the principle round anyway, so it was kinda of a blow-off audition.
But then comes the hard stuff. The people at FYAO love me and the way I play. This isn't being egomaniac, it's true. They tell me all the time.
Mr. May is one of my very favorite conductors ever. He's kind, experienced, laid-back, and skilled. He's full of stories, and he knows so many people, it's crazy. And he will talk to you. Also, he is full of opportunity. He will go all out for his students. Plus, (and this is the most important thing to me) just by talking to him for 5 minutes, you can tell that he loves music. He lives for music. He knows more about music than anyone I know, except maybe Mr. Krienes. And it shows.
That said, he talked for me for a while after my audition. He sprinkled compliments onto me and my teacher. He told me that he was in awe of how I play, that I had the magic touch, and that he was lucky to have me in his orchestra. (I'm going to make a point with this, just be patient.) He talked about what I would do this coming year, the things I could do in the orchestra (symphony), with chamber music (Mozart quartets, Martinu trio for flute cello, piano, other things..), and with concertos (Ibert concerto). He basically said that I had all the opportunity that I could ever want. And with each compliment, my heart sank more and more.
Why? Because he has no idea that I auditioned into FYAO for a backup orchestra. And I didn't have the heart to tell him that it wasn't my first choice. Not after all that he said. I walked back to my car almost in shame, trying not to imagine the look on his face if I had to tell him that I wasn't joining FYAO because I joined FSYO. "Oh Mr. May," I thought, "Why do you have to be so awesome?"
But I have to be strong. You can't let emotions guide you, not on this one. Sometimes people get hurt, and that's the way it goes. Mr. May is the only thing I liked about FYAO (well, I liked the bagels at practices too). They have a decent orchestra, but I know for a fact that FSYO is better. We'll see what happens with the FSYO auditions, maybe the choice will be made for me. Somehow I get the feeling that it's going to harder than that...
Ahh but the tables have turned. Remember when I made the story about a dream orchestra firing you for a better player? Here's the flip side: you leaving the orchestra you have been with for a while for a dream orchestra. I know how it feels now.

I suppose I could make a cool allegory about this, too, but I don't want to.

Is this genuine happiness finally coming back to me?
Yes, you fool

Yesterday I helped clean the most digusting room I have ever seen in my life: the THS Band Uniform room. Man there was stuff in that room that I didn't even want to touch. Tina had to pick up some of the old mouldy gloves with plastic. Since I was the smallest I was designated to climb into the tiny areas that haven't been touched for many years. There was some pretty interesting stuff back there. I pulled out some headlights, a giant package of barbeque starter stuff, many random uniform parts, some scraps of metal from who knows what, and other various objects. Since I was with my fellow flutes and the friendly saxaphone section, it was fun. But man was it disgusting. I don't think I've ever cringed more at anything (except maybe when me and Rebecca pulled out that 10 year old container of Crisco).
Then there was the massive Rubber Band War of 2004 (hey that rhymes). I got some people pretty good. I don't have a very accurate shot, but I have a hard one. I think I hurt myself more than I hurt anyone else though. I think my thumb is still throbbing. Ouch.

And then after some stuff, Rebecca did an amazing job at her recital. Kudos to Rebecca for working through the pain!

And then stuff and I am happy.

Sooo tired...
So much to do...
Study for test tomorrow...
Big words due tomorrow...
Rebecca recital...
I wanna sleep. But the show must go on.

I want my FSYO results.
I want my AP scores.
I want the summer.
I WANT IT NOW.
Was it "good things come to those who wait" or "don't let life pass you by"?
Shootshootshoot.
Waiting is poo.
-------------------------
In other news, Rhonda Larson, who was one of the judges for the competition that I won, was on Survivor the other day, playing her flute. I saw her and I screamed, "MOM, THAT'S RHONDA LARSON!!!" and she was like woah that is so cool. It is cool. It's almost like I was on Survivor. But not really.

I think I may actually be getting worse at the flute, I don't know, I don't practice enough anymore.

My eye has been twitching all day. That can't be good.
Man it's doing it right now.
Stop it,eye.
Eye: Hahaha my revenge

This is stupid. With this format I might as well go to livejournal...
Oh well.

Don't tell me who won Survivor, I'm gonna watch it tonight.

Yesterday I walked into the shower with my glasses still on. And I didn't notice that they were on until I tried to wash my face. That didn't work out too well.

I know what two more of my more famous songs are: Camptown Races and the splash mountain song ("How Do You Do?) The words to that song are in one of Craig's piano books:
How Do You Do,
Ain't the sun shinin' brightly?
How Do You Do,
ain't the breeze blowin' lightly?
I'm tellin' you,
while I step kinda sprightly,
feelin' fine sure as you're born.

How Do You Do?
It's a great say you're seein',
How Do You Do?
It's a great world to be in,
I'm tellin' you, and I know you're agreein'
what a world, sure as you're born

Get an earful of that hummin' bird
Singin' with all his might
Get an eyeful of that painted sky,
Ain't it a wonderful sight?
Oh,
How Do You do,
ain't the sun shinin' brightly?
How Do You Do,
Ain't the breeze blowin' lightly?
I'm tellin you,
while I step kinda sprightly,
Feelin' fine sure as you're born.
Feelin' fine sure as you're born.

What a wonderful song, n'est pas?

I found my third source!...kinda.

I'm feelin' fine, sure as you're born. Only 9 more days left. Actually eight now.

Well, I know you all wanted a nice long post (Brain: Don't fool yourself, Ash), but I have some serious practicing to do.

I REALLY need a third source. Good thing libraries are closed on Sundays...

I went to the beach today. It was awesome. There's nothing more relaxing than going to the beach. Well, there prolly is, but I haven't found it yet. Anyway, you do take your problems there, but when you get there you don't care about them anymore. I don't know how many times me or someone else there said "I want to stay here forever." It's like...getting away from the world. The sound of the waves is soothing, there's nothing better than the bright sun on your back, and you don't really need an activity to do (everyone is satisfied with just sunning and talking). Minus the sand, it feels like paradise. I don't know how lucky I am to live in Florida. None of us do. We LIVE in the vacation spot of the USA. Sometimes I get annoyed when people go on and on about how they hate Florida's weather. How could it be better?
I'm tired now but it feels so good! It's like an extension of the beach.

Blahblahblah.

Ahhh, music, soothing the soul. You know, it's gonna sound funny, but sometimes I can hear God talking to me through music. Sometimes I'll be so stressed out, and then I'll hear a song and He'll be saying "It's okay, Ashley...take it easy." For example, many times when I've practiced in third block in the practice rooms, I'll be so frustrated because I can't play something and I'll be to the point of throwing my flute down and giving up for the day, and then I'll hear the jazz band out there playing the soft trombone part of Rosanna and my heart just melts and all my anger is gone. Or sometimes after school I'll be so stressed about something and I'll turn the car on and hear my favorite song playing, and I'll lean back and say "Thank you." Sometimes when I'm doing my homework with my CDs on shuffle, I'll get to a problem that I just can't seem to get, and then a song will come on with the perfect lyrics, just what I needed to hear. And I don't care if it sounds corny, I believe it is God talking to me.

Here's a quiz:

Big Five Test Results

Extroversion (52%) medium which suggests you are moderately talkative, optimistic, sociable and affectionate. Friendliness (58%) moderately high which suggests you are good natured, trusting, and helpful but possibly too much of a follower Orderliness (86%) very high which suggests you are extremely organized, reliable, neat, and ambitious but probably not very spontaneous and fun. Emotional Stability (48%) medium which suggests you are moderately worrying, insecure, emotional, and nervous. Openmindedness (64%) moderately high which suggests you are intellectual, curious, imaginative but possibly not very practical.

Take Free Big Five Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Aye, aye, aye. My little problems. So insignificant, mere trifles in others' eyes. They pain me so...

Thank you guys for writing such nice things in my yearbook, especially Will and Zach. You guyzes entries made my day/week/month/year/life.
Okay, I'm gonna go practice now.

Funny how I do the same exact things every day and some days I feel like jumping for joy for just being alive and some days I want to curl up and cry all day. It all prolly stems back to the ultimate evil: hormones.
Plus I'll get the same amount of sleep every day, and one day I'll have enough energy to run to the moon but another day I'll barely have enough energy to keep me awake. What's up with that? Today should be Friday.
Today wasn't a curl up and cry day, nor was it a not be able to stay awake day, but I'm getting there. I just need some rest, I think. Maybe some positive news. Everything I'm hearing nowadays makes me sad. It's hard to keep up such a positive attitude when everything you hope for falls apart.
!@#$%^&$ curse you hormones why do you make me feel like this?

I don't like the idea of other people watching my lessons. I don't know why, but I just don't like the sound of it.

Well, I do have something good to say today. Now that we've gotten a piano, music can practically always be heard. Piano music is so beautiful, so dark. I love it. The morning when it arrived, I was asleep. That morning I awoke to the dark harmonies of "Resident Evil," and it was the first time I've ever heard a piano in our house. It gave me chills and I wanted to just sit in bed and listen to it forever. But the music was calling me, so I got out of bed and wandered into the room to get a better look. But I can hear everything that's played from my room, and it's so cool. I can't wait till I go to Interlochen so I can learn how to play it.

In our house, we now have:
3 flutes
3 trombones
2 piccolos
1 trumpet
1 guitar
1 piano
2 keyboards
a number of little instruments like recorders and harmonicas (and jaw harps)
Let the collection grow!

Can you love someone if they don't want you to?
Of course you can, certainly you can! It's just harder.

The AP Calc test was hard. There was stuff on there that I've never seen before. Oh well.

Beach this Saturday, anyone?

Reasons why winds or percussion but mostly winds are awesome if they ever beat string or piano players in competitions (aka unfair advantages of string/piano players [excluding basses])
1) String/piano players have a much much wider range than wind players. The flute, which has a reasonable range for a wind instrument, can play three octaves and a couple more notes. What do pianos have, eight octaves? Strings, four or five, or more? I'm not sure exactly, but it's more than three.

2) String/piano players can play two or more notes simultaneously, thus making them automatically more musical. Winds can play two at the most if they train hard and play around with multiphonics, but that's still unusual and you usually only find it in weird contemporary pieces. But seriously, pianos can play whole symphonies by themselves. How can you compete with that?

3) String/piano players have more literature available, and the literature is usually of better quality. (The last part is kinda untrue). Composers are working on this. Of course there is good music for every instrument. But it is still unfair that they have so many pieces from so many periods of time, and something like the saxaphone has nothing. If you play a dumb piece and it sounds really good you still are in no competition for a really good piece played okay.

4) String/piano players usually start playing at an earlier age. Very young people just cannot play wind instuments, they don't have the lung capacity yet. But I've seen many a string/piano player start at 5, 4, 3 years old. At elementary school at least. But band isn't even offered until middle school. Granted, they usually take longer to "master" but seriously.

5) I don't know if this counts, but string/piano players don't have to worry about breathing.

I thought about this because string and piano players win every competition I enter, and I get mad because it's so dang hard to compete against them. Give us winds a break, it's not our fault that our instuments haven't been perfected through hundereds of years or that our instrument wasn't Mozart's favorite. But I guess we just have to work through it and prove to everyone that wind players deserve to be up there with strings and pianos.
Like my teacher once said, there have been very fine flute players but there have been none to match the skill achieved by string players. I applaud you now, but I will someday show you the power of the flute. ::Evil eyes::

"Flute players always get together and form little societies."
-Craig

Brain: Shoot
Me: Why'd you just say shoot?
Brain: Because I felt like it
Me: You're dumb.

Things are looking up!
The end of school is swiftly coming, and things are starting to--or have started, already,--to blow up. It's auditions galore, concerts practically everyday, exams, graduation and graduation parties, end of the year recitals, end of the year ceremonies, yearbook signing, happiness dancing in the sun! Acting like it's summer before it is. Allright with me. People are growing so lazy. Just one more burst of energy and it'll all be over! Everyone is looking forward to summer, anticipating, planning. Just make sure you don't lean forward too much to see off the edge, you might just fall off.

It's funny how differently people react to the end of school. Most people grow a little lazy and most people are at least a little happy for the coming of summer. But then there are different emotions: nostalgia, fear, bitterness, disinterest, excitement, boredom, the list could go on and on. I know for my part that the end of school is something you must accept, like the seasons. No use in fighting the seasons!

Our final concert is gonna be so cool. Well, orchestra is gonna be a little cool but only because of pirates, but band is playing two cheezy songs that I love. Counsel Oak and The Chosen, both by random composers that nobody really knows. Counsil Oak is awesome though. I have a CD with it on it and I used to play that song when I woke up every single day.
"And with this, the old oak gave a joyous sigh."

Brain: Go prepare for your AP test
Me: Naaw I don't want to
Brain: Ashley E. Stahl, your test is tomorrow, now get off your behind and go study
Me: But brain...I don't want to...
Brain: I'm giving you to the count of 5...1....2....3....4....
Me: Allright allright I'll go. But what were you going to do if you got to 5?
Brain: That's for me to know
Eyes: Just go. This screen is making me hurt.
Me: Okay, but just for you, eyes.

In Dumbo, an elephant got drunk and started hallucinating.

Man.
I got two new CDs (Hovahness and a new awesome Celtic CD-even better than my first one. Did you know Hovahness wrote 67 symphonies?).
The AP English exam is over.
My parents finally turned the air on.
I'm eatin Publix deli cheese.
Life just doesn't get any better.

I saw a total of three cars on the road while driving home.
Home is where you feel safe and loved.
It is 4:07 AM
I have a concert tomorrow and an AP test on Monday.
I made it into the national flute convention flute chior.
Too bad I can't go.
I feel pretty...oh so pretty...
zzzzzz

Come to my non-prom party, jerks.