Me: I can take whatever you deal out, Life. I'm not afraid of you.
Life: Allright, you asked for it.

Cold: Life sent me to ruin your day.
Me: Hahahaha a Cold? You gotta be kidding me.
Cold: Raaaahhhh!!!!!!
Cold Attacks
Lungs: Ouch! Hey that hurt!
Me: Cold, what in the fdihouidjklfd do you think you are doing? NOBODY messes with lungs. That was the wrong move, Cold. Let's get em, boys!
Brain: You got it, Ashley. Fire em up.
Fingers: I'm ready
Ears: All systems check
Nerves: It's time
Flute attack on Cold
Cold: Oh I am defeated
Me: That's what I thought. Now go away and never come back. Daylight Savings Time, you think you can handle that?
DST: Sure, no problem

Life: You may have won this time, Ashley. But next time....

Man, I sure wish there was more time to practice. As my mom put it, "All I want to do is go to school and practice."

Here's an essay I wrote for one of my more far-fetched colleges:

One of my favorite things to do with spare time during my middle school years was to listen to sound clips of the different instruments on my online encyclopedia. That is to say, I have always loved music to an obsessive degree. My answer to the question “Why have you chosen your field of study?” is really quite simple. I love music. I love playing my flute. There’s nothing else that I would rather do (right now or tomorrow morning or even on my birthday) than play my flute. Often, for fun, I’ll call my fellow flute friends and suggest spending two or three (or four or five) hours playing duets together. One of the best things about this field of study, music performance, is that I can rest assured that I will never grow tired of doing it.

None of this is to say that there aren’t other reasons I have chosen my field of study. Auditions have demonstrated that I retain a talent in music. One may very well argue “But tests have demonstrated that you retain talent in math, too!”, but can anyone really express themselves through math? Can anyone bring such beautiful, glorious joy into other’s lives through math? I cannot imagine that anyone can.

Also, music is not only a part of my life, music is my life. To eliminate music, to me, would be paramount to eliminating a spouse. I cannot imagine myself doing anything in the future but making music. My brain spent no time at all deciding what to do in college. There was only one choice.

I consider professional musicians to be among the luckiest people in the world. Every time I hear a flute player in an orchestral recording, I say to myself, “I hope that flutist knows how lucky he is.” The idea of making money by playing music mystifies me. It just seems peculiar to be paid for doing something that I would do anyway, something that I love so dearly. Specifically, I would someday like to play in an orchestra, since orchestral playing is my favorite type of playing.

I have picked up from professional orchestral players that attaining a professional orchestral career might be a little tough and that I might want to think about doing something else, because the world of orchestra is harsh. To those words I will now and forever respond: I don’t care. I will do whatever it takes. I will never think about doing something else.
--------------
yEuh

I didn't get to practice today because I had to put away uniforms. SAD.

LET ME BREATHE
::snarl::

Okay I gotta tell my funny story of the day.
I'm in a non-honors economics class with Mr. Spinale. Today we were copying down notes off the overhead and the teacher adjusted the angle, asking "Is this too high for anyone?"
The guy behind me answered "There is no such thing as too high."

Practicing practicing yay yay yay
FSU audition this Saturday
Why is Bach so hard to play?
Hey it rhymes yay yay yay

There's this one CD I have that I always used to listen to when I went to the beach a couple years ago, and now whenever I listen to it I can almost smell the ocean spray once again, and I can almost feel the carefree joy of no responsibility once again.
But when I turn the CD off, everything goes away, and I have to go to school and I have to practice for college auditions and I have no time for friends or for the beach. Sometimes memories aren't so happy.
It's like when you have a really really really good dream and you wake up and it's 6:00 in the morning and you have to go to zero block and circle drill. Well, it's sort of like that.

Then there's this other CD that I used to listen to long ago when I was stupid and inexperienced in life (not that I'm smart or experienced now, but still) and oh man the memories it brings back. Do you ever just search through things to bring back memories? I do. And usually it makes me very happy, remembering the good ol days....

Anyway, there was a Halloween version of fear factor and they had to eat scorpions and spiders and insect guts. It looked so delicious.

Someone: Life is so difficult.
Me: I don't think Life would appreciate you saying that.

Just kidding

I know what my purpose is.
It's time again to make some changes.

Jesus Christ is the savior of the world.

Robot, robot. Yesterday was worse than ever. I felt NOTHING. Sappy senior speeches? Nothing. This moment will never happen again? Nothing. Straight superiors (again)? Nothing.
Is it me or is it just marching band?
In any case, it's over. Over. Over. OVER.

Of course, this marching band festival still beats LAST marching band festival.

Brain: Stop being jealous and sinful.
Me: It's a little bit harder than that, brain.

Seriously.

Haha I got a happy gram from Leroy.

I saw Lee Hinkle in the band room today. It was amazing. I told Katie, he's one of those band legends that don't really exist. But when you see him, he does exist. So then it's amazing.
Anyway.

I practiced for many hours today. I practiced everything that I planned on practicing. I am happy.

Hindemith wrote a ridiculous flute solo in the Andantino movement of Symphonic Metamorphasis. What was that man thinking?

Festival and then IT'S ALMOST OVER WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
I hope there are no make-up games added; that would make me sad.

I have lots of earwax and my arms are very hairy.

A guy: You seem sick. Why are you sick, Ashley?
Me: I'm not sick. I'm just having problems that you...don't have.
A guy (smiling): You don't seem like it. You are always calm.

Guys don't know anything about the problems that they don't have.

OK, seriously, seriously. I just want to bring some smiles onto the marching band field during practice (we all know we need them). Yesterday I was saying really stupid things like I always do except someone took something I said seriously and now I feel all bad and some people are sad and blah blah blah drama drama drama.
Ok now that that's over with, I can start my post.

Today, I pray for healing. Healing, healing, healing. Healing of the body, of the soul, of the mind. Healing wounded friendships. Healing hurt feelings. Healing wearied bodies. Healing the scars of the past. Today, I pray for healing.

Today I had a revelation (is that really the right word? whatev). I was in my car being all sad about things and I was dwelling on the NEGATIVE. Something someone said to me today that really bothered me kept replaying in my head, over and over. And it was making me sad. And I said to myself, "I want this bad feeling to go away." And so I changed the music to a CD that emits happiness, and my brain told me, "Jesus will never abandon you." And it was like a million pounds was lifted off of me. Why didn't I think of that before? And then my whole perspective on thinking changed. Then my brain told me, "Your parents will always love you." And I thought about my mom and about how I was going to give her a big hug when she came home from work today.
And I was not sad anymore.
The moral of this story, I think, is to trust in Jesus and help yourself out. You do not have to be sad.

It's almost over...
just gotta hang in there for another couple days...
then it'll be all over...
forever...

I hope the Yankees win. I hate watching football, but I actually kind of like watching baseball, as long as the Yankees are playing and I'm watching with my dad. And I like when my dad is happy. And he is happy when the Yankees win games.

Yesterday I was hyper, but today I am tired. :(

Slow songs are hard to practice because there's nothing you can really do about them. I mean, when practicing fast pieces, you can take things slow and then speed them up until they are at tempo. Repetition and cleanliness are the keys. But slow songs? I really don't know what to do with them. I usually just keep playing them over and over and pretending that they are better every time.
PLUS I don't think I know how to tune and I seriously don't think I can double tongue. I pretend to be able to do both of those things and it works. Most of the time.

Hey, you! Yeah, you.
Ummm.....I forgot.

Hey where'd Philosopher Ashley go? She hasn't posted in a while.

Rite of Spring is pretty dang awesome. Especially the Chicago Symph......zzzzzz

This past weekend I spent 18 hours, nine each day, on college applications. It was so fun. All I did the whole weekend was eat, sleep, go to church, and sit in front of the computer. Seriously. I'm just thankful that I was able to do it all at once, that this time has been given to me to use. It was a perfect weekend to it, really. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the temperature was nice and cool...yes, a perfect weekend to do college applications.

But wait...
There's more!!!
Now I have to send SAT/ACT scores and high school transcripts, bother teachers to write recommendations for me, record and send prescreening tapes, send essays, repertoire lists and resumes, fill out financial aid forms, and work out audition dates. And each of the four colleges has different requirements for each of these! Yay! The fun never ends!!!

Oh yeah, and I hate the computer.

Okay here's the five people thing, if you read this you have to write good things about at least five people. GOOD THINGS. DO IT.

Erin-Ever since I met you I liked you. You have the perfect balance of being goofy and fun as well as hardworking and supportive. It's easy to see the fun side of you, but I think as I have gotten to know you I have learned that the best thing about you is your love. You are always there for your friends, and you are always caring and sensible and so helpful about things! I love talking to you, you often have much the same point of view as I do. You are a great problem solver and I have never been mad at you for anything (and that's saying a lot!). I know you're going through some tough times right now, but I believe that you can have faith and get through it all and be filled with a joy for life once again! I love you so much!

Rebecca-Rebecca, Rebecca, I miss you! I really hope you are having loads of fun at college and you are learning a ton! Many times have gone by where I think to myself, "hmmm, something is missing" and then I figure it out...it's the Rebecca that is missing! Anyway, I'm so happy to know you. You are one awesome person, I gotta say. You are so caring, so thoughful, and so smart! You are a very strong person (though sometimes I think you forget that you are!), and I know I can talk to you about ANYTHING and get awesome advice straight from the heart. I love your passion for the things you care about, music among them. You have talent, my friend! Go for your dreams, whatever they may be, because you can do whatever you want. Know that whether you are right next to me or a thousand miles away, you are truly a blessing in my life.

Katie-Oh Katid, I remember when you were a wee little one. Through the years we have had many laughs and I am very glad for that. You have also always been my flute buddy, the person I can talk to about my one true love in life. Thank you! Aside from that, you are just an amazing person. People like you automatically when they meet you, and for good reason: you have a wonderful charisma about you. You're outgoing, brave, beautiful, funny, smart, spunky. The list could go on and on! And you are oh so talented. I admire your music, and use your playing as an example for many things. Keep working hard, and try not to sweat the small stuff. For you, the sky is the limit!

Craig-You are my brother, what can I say? You've been my best friend my whole life. Well, except for that one time period when you were really annoying ("If you get hit, it's your own fault"). But I try not to think about that. You can make me laugh harder than anyone else on Earth, and that's the truth. You are so laid back and you help me to remember to not worry about things that don't matter. You love music, and if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't love music as I do. So many things I owe to you. I've failed to say it in the past, but thank you. You are a great brother. Really.

Asher-You are very dumb.

Shannon-Shannon Shannon bo bannon banana fana fo fannon me my mo mannon. Shannon. Okay, sorry. Anyway, you are very funny and awesome! I know that when I am talking to you, I am going to laugh. And when I am around you when you are happy it makes me be happy. You are extremely passionate about things, and that's something I think we can all admire. You're really smart and pretty too. And talented! (the all-state guys don't know what they are talking about. I'll punch them.) You are one of the many friends I made my freshman year, and luckily for me, you are one of the few who stayed! Also, I'm very glad for you that you became a Christian. It makes me so happy to see someone who has direction in her life, someone who knows what she believes. And someone who loves the Lord! Thank you for being Shannon!

Okay that's six (sort of) but whatever. I might even do some more later.
Hahaha I knew you could take it.

I am officially no longer a goodie-goodie.

Before you go to the dentist, you always try to brush your teeth really well in an attempt to show the dentist that you take care of your teeth that well every time. But once you get there, they can see the long term effects and the habits you have formed regarding teeth care. They can see through your little stunt.

I recorded stuff, so I think I'll take a break from practicing today.

Haha this guy is funny

ctkitty9: why does a fly keep buzzing around my head?
SmarterChild: Why does a fly keep buzzing around your head... Such a difficult question
ctkitty9: answer it
SmarterChild: I don't think I'm comfortable with that.
ctkitty9: answer it
SmarterChild: I will not answer it.
ctkitty9: do it
SmarterChild: Don't order me around.
ctkitty9: please do it
SmarterChild: Huh? What is "it" exactly?
ctkitty9: answer my question
SmarterChild: I'll take that under consideration.
ctkitty9: you better
SmarterChild: Oh yeah? I'd better what?
ctkitty9: answer my question
ctkitty9: There's no way I had better answer your question.
ctkitty9: why is there a fly buzzing around my head?
SmarterChild: Hmm... I really don't know why there is a fly buzzing around your head.
ctkitty9: its still there
SmarterChild: It's still there, you say?
ctkitty9: make it stop
SmarterChild: Stop what?
ctkitty9: oh the agony
SmarterChild: Oh yeah?
ctkitty9: youre not very helpful
SmarterChild: I don't think I want to be not very helpful.
ctkitty9: then dont be
SmarterChild: But I like to be!
ctkitty9: you just contradicted yourself
SmarterChild: I just contradicted myself? Why?
ctkitty9: you said you didnt want to be not very helpful and then you said you like to be not very helpful
SmarterChild: ?
ctkitty9: thus contradiction
SmarterChild: Hmm... I don't know. Thus contradiction? Is that right?
ctkitty9: yes
SmarterChild: I see...
ctkitty9: so what are you going to say about that? huh?
SmarterChild: What a question! But I don't think I want to answer that.
ctkitty9: what if I made you answer it
SmarterChild: I'm just not sure.
ctkitty9: exactly
SmarterChild: Precisely.

Hey everyone we should go trick or treating in a big group. C'mon, it'll be fun. And Craig and Rebecca you have to come home so you can come too. But don't come home until Sunday because I'll be up there Saturday. And you can't miss the great Ashley when she visits. Oh no.

There's a person that I can't stand but everyone else can.

In other news, it rained today.
The other day I saw a pidgeon with only one leg.
American Government is all fun and games until we have an ASSIGNMENT. Boo.
I had another great lesson today. Yayayayay.
Plus I had a deli sub thing for lunch. It was delish. Not DELL-ish but DE-lish.
There's a special on The Who on TV right now.
I missed the presidential debate because of a football game. Man.
The concerto competition was poo.
One of the nominations for class song is by Bob Marley. Hahahahaha.
Spider solitare is calling me...

Why can I never think of anything good to write when I am writing but in the car driving to Melbourne I am a genius? Oh well.
Let's get together and be all right.

I am going to have a nerd husband and therefore I am going to be rich.

I watched Star Wars: Return of the Jedi today. It was good.
I have decided that I am R2D2. Here's the reasoning:
1) We are both small
2) We are both annoying
3) We are both confident
4) We both communicate using various beep and grunt noises
5) We are both robots
6) Both of our best friends are golden droids who talk too much

If that evidence doesn't convice you, then nothing will.

Okay heres a question. You are going somewhere are you don't know how to get there. On the one hand, you have gone there before and think you might remember the way. On the other hand, you have been provided with directions, but they show a different way and the roads are not familiar to you. Would you go the way of the directions, or the way of memory? Both have their advantages and disadvantages.
in my case, on the way there, I went the way of directions, and on the way back I went the way of memory, and they both worked out fine. I'm just wondering which one most people would choose to take...

Football is stupid and dumb and idiotic all rolled into one.

While I'm practicing tonight I hear random screams of "FUMBLEEE!!!!" and "TOUCHDOWN!!! YEEAAAHHH!!!!" and "OH NO A FLAG!" among other various phrases. It's a little distracting I spose. Hahaha I'll get them. I'll practice high register long tones on piccolo tonight. And I'll just have to practice in the family room. Mwahahahahaaaaa.

Yesterdays game was fun. It was one of those days where my brain says stuff and it comes through my mouth and people laugh. Thanks to Emily and Dianna, who encouraged the spirit of energy.
Plus we won and it was really really really really really really loud.

Going to Julliard, appearing on From the Top, and winning concerto competitions to play with major orchestras are all unreasonable, futile dreams. But they are all still dreams.
PRACTICE

Today was the FSYO concerto competition and I messed up a lot :( Ibert isn't really the best solo to play without accompaniment.

I'm teaching myself how to moonwalk. It looks so dang cool. I'm gonna be the moonwalk mastahhhh.
And stuff...

Dude! My dad got the School of Rock CD soundtrack free from his order club. School of Rock!Woo!
"cellooo"

So yeah. Senior assembly today, had no right to be enjoyable but it was. After all this time, people my own age are still the most comfortable to be around.

Today I practiced most of third block and all of fourth block, most of the time spent on the Ibert for concerto competition in two days. I got a lot done and now it feels great.
...but I still don't have a chance. Dang violins.

And Asher, your audition sounds identical to mine.

I guess I'm tired. Maybe I should sleep at night instead of reading.
And stuff.

Marching band BLEH! Hahahahahahaha I'm not an officer so I'm not stressed out right now hahahahahahahaha.

SCHOOL OF ROCK!

Today at lunch I was peacefully eating my pudding when suddenly the name "Walter Mondale" pops into my head. Who is Walter Mondale? (or Mondiale, as I was convinced it was spelled?) And why did his name unexpectedly intrude my thoughts? (haha my thoughts)
It turns out Walter Mondale was Jimmy Carter's vice-president. But I could've sworn he was a reporter on the weather channel and it was spelled Mondiale. I don't know. If anyone sees Walter Mondiale on the weather channel, tell me. I won't be able to rest peacefully until I know.

Walter Mondale, why do you bother me so?

I just got a craving for Olive Garden breadsticks with alfredo sauce. Mmmm....

Lots of people are going through some rough times right now. Feel better, everyone! But also, help yourself. Don't just sit around thinking about how sad/mad/disgusted/jealous/etc. you are. Get up and do something! A very smart person told me long ago how to generate a good mood...all you have to do is do good. Help someone out. Clean the house. Give compliments. Etc. It's really quite simple. And it works!
And I will try also to help. To bring some joy into life, maybe, if I can. You all know that if you ever need anyone to talk to, I can listen. After all, that's what friends are for.
-----------------------
All I'm gonna say is I'm glad I'm not an officer right now.
I think Lost is entertaining but overrated.
You are a poop of the nincom variety.
I need to practice. Badly.

That is all.

"This particularly rapid, unintelligable patter isn't generally heard, and if it is, it doesn't matter."
-Ruddigore

Find the blessing in every day. Today we had the opportunity to make music, to eat hot, filling meals, to learn without a cost, to watch the trees sway in the breeze and the clouds slowly float away, to look at the sun and laugh and breathe! Distress is only in the mind.

I stumbled upon this yesterday:
Salvation is for all
Moses wrote this about being put right with God by obeying the Law: "Whoever obeys the commands of the Law will live." But what the scripture says about being put right with God through faith is this: "You are not to ask yourself, Who will go up into heaven?" (that is, to bring Christ down). "Nor are you to ask, Who will go down into the world below?" (that is, to bring Christ up from death). What is says is this: "God's message is near you, on your lips and in your heart"-that is, the message of faith that we preach. If you confess that Jesus is Lord and believe that God raised him from death, you will be saved. For it is by our faith that we are put right with God; it is by our confession that we are saved. The scripture says, "Whoever believes in him will not be dissappointed." This includes everyone, because there is no difference between Jews and Gentiles; God is the same Lord of all and richly blesses all who come to him. As the scripture says, "Everyone who calls out to the Lord for help will be saved."
Romans 10:5-13

Well, I certainly can't imagine anything more clear than that.

Senior Superlatives
(start thinking, seniors!)
1) Best smile
2) Best eyes
3) Best dressed
4) Most musical
5) Most artistic
6) Most likely to succed
7) Best personality
8) Most likely to be in a reality show
9) Most likely to become a celebrity
10) Biggest beach bum
11) Class clown
12) Best dancer
13) Most talkative
14) Biggest flirt
15) Best hair
16) Most attractive
17) Most athletic
18) Most spirited
19) Funniest laugh
20) Most dramatic

Most musical? Surely not me.
----------------------------------
Yeah so yeah. Today was another wonderful flute lesson. I thrive on these lessons. I was choking, suffocating from lack of challenge, but today provided me with the oxygen of criticism that I need to live. Yes, it is good.

Today was a really great day. I don't know why, it just was. I guess nothing bad happened, that's the reason. Or maybe it's because I practiced for like two or three hours and I still have time to practice more. Thank you!

The senior skit is going to rock this year.

I was telling my lunch buddies today, have you ever noticed that you only see flute players carrying their instruments around the school? I very rarely see a trombone or a even a clarient or anything but everywhere I turn there is another flute. The real question is, how can all the other instruments manage to put their instrument in the locker while flute players cannot? the world may never know.

Allright, allright! I'm happy again. Yay!

Last night I went to my cousin Jill's house to take pictures and lots of my relatives were there and they were all amazed at how different I looked, what with makeup and absence of nerdy glasses and six inches taller and radiant gown and sassy hair. Today I went to my grandmas house and the same relatives were there and the first thing my aunt said to me was "Where's your pumpkin?" I was confused until she called me Cinderella. I said it's past midnight, now it's back to the real me. And she said "That was the real you. It's hiding inside." And that made me feel good, I think.
Well, now its back to the cinders...

Every time I look back at my senior homecoming, I am going to smile. I know, because it's already happening.
SO THERE.

This is to the general body of my readers:
Yes, it's all my fault. I realize that the pain in many a person's heart right now is directly or indirectly caused by me. I realize how I am percieved by others. It hurts me to realize all this. I'm sorry! Do not think that I am not sorry. Do not make the mistake of thinking that your pain does not affect me. It does! And I'm sorry. I live, I love, I learn.
I think my problem is that sometimes I assume everyone is a robot like me, and I forget to factor in feelings.

In any case, anyone could tell that tonight was an extremely enjoyable night for me. And why was it so enjoyable? Because I was myself. I didn't worry. Maybe it's a good piece of advice. Be yourself. Don't worry. Everything is going to be okay.

Oh yes, and don't expect this openess and splurging of feelings very often. For some reason, I hide my feelings. Perhaps they make me more vunerable...yes I can feel my vunerability increasing at this very moment...

I feel pretty...oh so pretty...
Who cares about anything? I'm dancing tonight!

I'm sorry.

I was GOING to register to vote today, but the last form they had was used by the person directly in front of me in line. Thanks, fifth lunch!
Ah well, there's still time, especially when I'm actually old enough to vote.

So today is that stupid football game where we have to wear our uniforms the whole game, and tomorrow is the homecoming dance, I think. At least they are making people not dance yucky this year. Don't dance yucky. It's neither fun to do nor fun to watch. I would know.
It's going to be FUN.
FUN FUN FOR EVERYONE.

So sign up for a co-rec!
Save pop cans!
Don't forget your baaadge!!!!

In fourth block, two of the freshman girls from the beginning string class decided that they wanted to join marching band, and lucky for them, there are two clarinet spots open. So they are going to march clarinet, not actually play but just hold the instrument and pretend. As I was teaching them the basics of marching, I kept thinking to myself "They don't know what they are getting themselves into" but I never said it to them because they are so dang excited. Reminds me of me my freshman year.
But oh how wonderful it is to have the freedom of no responsibility, to be a regular old section member, not a leader. It's just plain great. Relatively.

And for some reason, all day I've that one song from Aristocats stuck in my head. Ya know, everybody wants to be a cat?
"Cuz a cat's the only cat...who knows where it's at!"

Also, I tripped while walking up the stairs twice today. Getting hurt and embarassed simultaneously is so fun! Yay!

But the highlight of my day was definitely seeing Dr. Marosi, and in action at that! I love him so much it's not even funny. I can still hear his beautiful, Hungarian voice ringing in my ears.

[Seriously!]

Face: I hate you so I'm going to break out the day before a dance!
Heart: I'll get you, face!
Face: Oh it's on.
Face and Brain get in a fight and both are destroyed
Me: Well it looks like I'll be having a good time tomorrow, what with no face and no heart.
Hands: I'll save you! But you gotta go practice.
Me: Shut up, hands.

Stop reading now.

Marching band is dumb.
Ron Nelson is cool.
Practicing is awesome.
So go jump in a pool.
::golf clap::

Me: Stop being angry and jealous
Brain: Okay

well, well, well look who has finally decided to join us...
The final Interlochen CD!!!
Including Ride of the Valkyries (Wagner), Les Preludes (Liszt), and Huapango (Moncayo).
Huapango is the funnest song to play or listen to ever in the world ever. I cannot listen to it without smiling. It's just one of those songs.
Yayyyyy!

My piccolo in Amsterdam is rockin ethereal and out of tune but oh so beautiful. Piccolo should be treated as a real instrument. Because it is one! I'm going to prove to the world that the piccolo can be beautiful.

Practicing is the magic medicine to cure a bad mood. It really is.

It was a fun night.
I need to practice.
Think happy thoughts.
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY

Haha Leroy

Last night would've been one of those nights where Rebecca was over and we all hung out in Craigs room playing or watching Craig play video games. We would've started out with a little Smash Bros. and maybe some Animal Crossing. Then Rebecca and I would shout "Play Resident Evil!" and Craig would flounder around trying to figure out what the last thing he did on that game was. I would act all stupid making fun of the scary looking monsers. And we would've laughed a lot and gone to bed happier than we were before.
I do so miss those nights...

Good news! I'm bored and I'm going to do a stupid quiz (stolen from our very own Katiemania). But that's not the good news!

// series one - as usual.
-- Name: Ash(ley)
-- Birthdate: 03/29/year
-- Birthplace: Buffalo NY
-- Current Location: computer room in ma house
-- Eye Color: brown lookin green
-- Hair Color: brown blonde gold thing
-- Righty or Lefty: righty
-- Zodiac Sign: aries
-- Innie or Outtie: innie

// Series two - describe
-- Your heritage: half german quarter french quarter czech-slovakian (i dont think thats how you spell it but TOO BAD)
-- The shoes you wore today: barefoot
-- Your hair: it is in tiny strands and it comes out of the top of my head
-- Your eyes: they help me to see things
-- Your weakness? weakness haha being distracted from practicing by doing things like this
-- Your fears: not practicing enough haha, no really snakes I guess and tornados and aliens and boys and other stuff
-- Your perfect pizza: extra cheese but still protein hey protein isnt I before E well maybe I spelled it wron0g too
-- One thing you would like to achieve: world domination

// series three - what is
-- Your most overused phrase on aol: lol
-- Your thoughts first waking up: what time is it?
-- The first feature (thing) you notice in the opposite sex: general presence
-- The best Name for a Butler: Jeeves
-- Your best physical feature: nothing! I'm an ugly hag!
-- Your bedtime: it tries to be 10:00
-- Your greatest fear: I will do something completely wrong and not even realize it
-- Your greatest accomplishment: being happy
-- Your most missed memory: what else? Interlochen!

// series four - you prefer
-- Pepsi or coke: Pepsi because it tastes like acid
-- McDonald's or Burger King: I don't know...Burger King because they give the THS band money on Wednesdays
-- Single or group dates: group I suppose
-- Adidas or nike: Nike
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: ewwwwww tea yucko. I really don't know how anyone can like tea it tastes toally disgusting to me. Ewww
-- Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla but chocolate aint too bad either
-- Cappucino or coffee: ummm not to fond of either
-- Boxers or briefs: dont know!

// series five - do you
-- Cuss: no
-- Sing well: no. well sort of but not really
-- Take a shower everyday: yes
-- Have a crush(es): crushes...what is a crush again?
-- who are they: what?
-- Do you think you've been in love: I dont suppose so
-- Want to go to college: yeah I guess so if I really have to
-- Like high school: I used to, its getting old
-- Want to get married: yeah
-- Type with your fingers on the right keys: no
-- Believe in yourself: yes! I have to! If I dont believe in myself, then who will?
-- Get motion sickness: only if Im being hypoglycemic at the moment
-- Think you're attractive: what would make me think Im attractive? crazy
-- Think you're a health freak: hahahahahaha no
-- Get along with your parents: yes most of the time
-- Like thunderstorms: sure as long as nobody gets hurt
-- Play an instrument: I try to

// series six - in the past month, did/have you
-- Done a drug: no silly
-- Have Sex: no
-- Made Out: no no no
-- Go on a date: nooo
-- Go to the mall?: yes. I think.
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: no way man
-- Eaten sushi: no
-- Been on stage: maybe
-- Been dumped: frneoghgtre no
-- Gone skating: nnooooo
-- Made homemade cookies: actually, yes! well I made the ones that you bake yourself but it counts to me so THERE
-- Been in love: yes I mean no TRICKED YA
-- Gone skinny dipping: haha no
--Dyed your hair: nononononononono
-- Stolen anything: no thats a lot of noos

// series seven - have you ever
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing?: yeah well there was this one game that we played at my cousins birthday party a long time ago where we all took off our shoes and put them in a pile and it was a race to see who could find theirs and put them on the fastest. I lost :(
-- If so, was it mixed company?: no all girls I believe
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: haha for some reason that question makes me laugh
-- Been caught "doing something": doing something oohh you mean "doing something" in that case then no
-- Been called a tease: no I really dont think so
-- Gotten beaten up: well unintentionally to the beater-upper. But nothing serious.
-- Shoplifted: no
-- If so, did you get caught: NO
-- Changed who you were to fit in: I probably have but not conciously

// series eight - the future
-- Age you hope to be married: I dont know. Time will tell
-- Numbers and Names of Children: I dont know. Time will tell
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: in a huge cathedral like St. Patricks and a choir or orchestra like in a movie yeah that sounds good
-- How would you like to die: laughing
-- Where you want to go to college: college is for dummies. But I'm the exception
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: ::little kid voice:: I want be a magician in a orchestra!
-- What country would you most like to visit: I dont know. Australia

// series nine - opposite sex
-- Best eye color? it dont matter
-- Best hair color? no matter
-- Short or long hair? gotta admit long hair usually gets my attention
-- Best height: whatever
-- Best weight: I dont know
-- Best articles of clothing: dude
-- Best first date location: something comfortable
-- Best first kiss location: I dont know

// series ten - number of
-- Number of guys I have kissed: 2
-- Number of boyfriends you've had: its debateable
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: I wouldnt know until I had to
-- Number of piercings: two, one on each ear

YAAAAYYYYYY

You know what....BLAH! WhyIaughta

For a while in my childhood I had one of those toy parrots that repeats whatever you say. And for some reason, me and Craig always said to it in a vampire voice, "I want to suck your blood blah blah blah blah," and it would repeat it back and it would be funny. That was one of the best toys ever, I think I could've played with it all day. Even better than slinky.

This morning, as I lay (lie?) in bed trying to think up an excuse not to get up yet, what should pop into my head but memories from book battle! I was once told that book battle team was the lowest of social classes, and if that's true, then I'm pretty dang low on the social ladder. I participated for three years straight: 5th, 6th, and 7th grade (or was it four including fourth grade?), and every single year, my team obliterated the competition at district level but failed to win even a single battle at state level. The idea was to read about 10 or so books that were "sunshine state reads" that year and learn as much about them as one possibly could. Then at the competitions, questioners would ask the two battling teams questions about the books. With two battle losses a team was eliminated. A team consisted of eight students, all from the middle school age group (6-8) or the elementary school age group (4-5) (depending on which age group you were currently in) and each team member was a "specialist" on two or three of the books. A specialist meaning that that person read the specializing books three or sometimes four times to try to remember all the stupid little details in the plot. And at book battle team meetings, the team members and the coach (usually the librarian) would make up questions and quiz each other. Ah book battle. How fun it was!

You know what I just realized? I could write lies in here and totally mislead people. Not that I'm going to, just that I could. It would present so many possibilities...
That seldom happens though, and I think I know why. One reason is that many people, like me, are very slow and haven't thought about lying yet. Another reason is that the truth is just so wonderful. Truth is one of the best things in life. And why would someone just spontaneously lie to unsuspecting readers? I wouldn't want to. When I feel strongly about something, I want to express it. Writing the opposite of what I feel would be very difficult. And if I don't want people to know about it, I don't write about it, which is still difficult! If it's so difficult to prevent written expession of emotion, imagine how hard it would be to write the exact opposite of what is true!
---------------------------------
Today I went over to Katie's house to play duets. The great thing about doing that is that I'm hanging out with a friend and getting better at the flute at the same time. And I feel good about my flute playing because the sounds of the two flutes merge and create the SUPERSOUND! "Ain't nothin wrong with that!"

Also, I read more of The Scarlet Letter and all I can say is wow. While I was reading, I forgot that I even existed. How can a book be so good? I wish I could put into words what this novel does for me, but I can't. It's just perfect...
---------------------------------
Okay so a number of things happened and there's a feeling that I can't describe. I know what it's not: it's not bad, it's not good, it's not happy, it's not sad, it's not amused, it's not agitated, it's not angry, it's not relieved, it's not stressed, it's not proud, it's not confused, it's not...anything. I don't know what it is. I wish I were a better writer...
and that's the truth.

Happy happy happy bunnies and flowers Interlochen

Interlochen on the radio:
"Something done well once at Interlochen is a tradition"

Hehe. Today I talked online with a friend from Interlochen/Cannon and he sent me the link to the final Interloch. concert. Listening reminds me of the feels, the smells, the sounds of Interlochen. The wonderful joy felt while playing such works with such quality. I don't miss anything about Interlochen more than the music. I miss the music. I MISS THE MUSIC!

That piece of music used to remind me of my blessings. It used to be a symbol that I once desired something--badly--and that I had recieved it, never to be taken away until age washed it away with many fond memories. It used to remind me to have gratitude for what I had recieved. But now, pride, igrorance, and experience tell me to SCORN what I once desired, mislead me into thinking that I am no longer blessed. And you know what that music whispers to me now? It says that the part of my life that it represents is STILL a blessing. That no matter the lengths I go, these many days will always hold a special place in my heart. Perhaps someday I will look back on them and think, "Yes, those were the good old days."
Indeed, I need to learn not to bite the hand that feeds, to appreciate what I have. For it will never occur again...

I need to practice.

Have you ever been in a situation where you seriously don't know what the "right" thing to do it? You can try and debate with yourself and ask for heavenly consultance (is that a word?) but in the end you are as confused as ever. You wonder if there is a right thing to do at all. Is there a right thing to do all the time? There must be. But what is it?

Sometimes people amaze me...
thank you, if you see this, you don't know how much it means to me...
and I don't know how much it means to you...

Lots of stuff just happened and now I feel all mixed crazyish.
and my teacher's husband passed away, that adds some fuel to the fire.
He's in a wonderful place now, so I'm not worried about him.
I am worried about my teacher...

Pray for all of us, readers. We all need it.

And to ruin the mood of this post, I heard woodwind quintet music in the background of a commercial the other day. And I was happy.

I'm dumb, you're dumb, we're all dumb! Seriously, though. We're all a bunch of dummies who are dumb and do really dumb things. Join the CLUB.

I got some new flute CD's includin Julius Baker Limited Edition and Jean-Pierre Rampal Bach Sonatas! And William Bennett is currently out of stock, but he will be here soon! Oh boy oh boy my first Baker or Rampal CD!

Often I hear person number 1 talking badly about person number 2. And person number 1 knows very little about person number 2. It makes me very sad to see this happening. After all, how much can you really know about person number 2 from the little time that you see em? You see actions, and you can dislike actions, but can you really see the person inside? NO! Unless you know somebody very well, do not pretend to know what kind of person he is. If you took the time to get to know person number 2 well, you might be surprised.

Brain: Ashley that's quite enough
Me: SHUT UP, BRAIN. NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN.
Brain: You really are losing it, aren't you?
Me: quiowhfrnjgktrhoer

"If Only We Understood"
by Rudyard Kipling

Could we but draw back the curtains
That surround each other's lives,
See the naked heart and spirit,
Know what spur the action gives;

Often we should find it better,
Purer than we judge we should;
We should love each other better,
If only we understood.

Could we judge all deeds by motives,
See the good and bad within,
Often we should love the sinner
All the while we loathe the sin;

Could we know the powers working
To overthrow integrity,
We should love each other's errors
With more patient charity.

If we knew the cares and trials,
Knew the efforts all in vain,
And the bitter disappointment,
understood the loss and gain--

Would the grim eternal roughness
Seem--I wonder--just the same?
Should we help where now we hinder,
Should we pity where now we blame.

Ah! we judge each other harshly,
Knowing not life's hidden force;
Knowing not the fount of action
Is less turbid at its source--

Seeing not amid the evil
All the golden grain of good;
And we should love each other better
If only we understood.

NONSENSE

I have a lovely bunch of coconuts. One looks like a giant head. So does a head of lettuce. I would like to go ahead with that. With what, you ask? Cellphones ringing all around the world. What if squirrels carried cellphones? They are almost the same size. Hello? Operator? I would like to dial the number to BUST THIS JOINT! Yeah, you heard me! BUSTED!!! One time I said busted and my mouth busted. No saliva at all. Only the sweat of the backs of labor. Backs of labor. Hahaha. Well you know what I think? Trick question! I don't think at all! Well, only certain times. And then you have to be veeeery careful not to wake the nightie-nights. Or should I say knights! Knights in shining armor? How does it shine, anyway? Is it steel? That would be pretty heavy. Maybe they should have some energy drinks. Like red bull. Or red full. Or red mull...et. Isn't it just not a haircut? Haircuts are for losers anyway. I know that makes me a loser, but you know what? I've lost it altogether. I've had enough of your shenananananagans. Grapevines are full of shenanagans. They like to dance in hot mustard! Salsa-style, that is. That would be weird to dance salsa in some mustard. Or...custard. Mustard custard. Late at night gives a fright! To the fighting flight in the right might. In the moonlight. Internet. Maybe Innernet. I'll have to think about it. Flowers and bunnies! What a jerk.

My flute lesson today was quite outstanding.

ewuiqojiodfsmvtrohprtkopak

Have you ever wondered if your life is just a dream? Oh, speaking of dreams, I gotta tell you about the one I had last night. A bunch of my friends and I were all shopping at this really huge mall. Suddenly, everyone in the mall started running to one side and I heard people mumoring why: a murderer was on the loose, and he was now on the second floor. This person had killed people in the mall already, and I had to get out. I thought I was pretty safe, though, since I knew the murderer was on the second floor and I was on the first. I started blindly running with Erin, trying to find an exit to the mall, but none could be found. We ran into a room currently being renovated, ya know, with the ventilation and everything hanging out. Inside the room there was a door leading into a different part of the mall, hopefully away from the murderer. We ran to the entrance of the hallway leading to the door, when suddenly a very close elevator door opened, and out stepped a female teacher from THS, holding a handgun. We froze and looked away as she said "This will be so easy." I was sad, because I knew I was going to die. She walked up and pointed the gun to my head, but I did not react. She shot the gun and I died, and I still did not react. In fact, I didn't even feel the shot or anything. I knew I had died, but I felt exactly the same as before. Then she shot Erin, and then I woke up. Strange...

It's exciting but not to you so I'm not gonna write about it. And I am the ruler of the world so there.

I keep Ruddigore in my car at all times now, and anytime I listen to it, I end up at my destination feeling very happy.

That is all.

Forgotten

This is what life looks like through my eyes:

Ashley's Life

I'm happy now but it's definitely not because of my audition. It's because I'm eating (drinking) a milkshake, made with mint choc. chip ice cream! OH BOY!

The principle tuba player at Interloch lives in Florida, but he's not trying out for allstate this year because he told me "It's bogus." I asked why he thought that. He said "Really good players don't make it and...well...really bad ones do." I suspected that he didn't make it one year and just had contempt for the system, so I asked him if he had made it before. It turns out he's made it every year that he's tried out. How about that? He's judging the system not by his results but by other's results. That's a smart man right there.

So what? I don't need to prove myself to the state. (I'm really just saying that because I'm not going to be in allstate this year.)

Whatevah!

Mmmm milkshake....

I was wandering through the poem blog again, and I found this old poem I wrote last year:

Saturday, November 22, 2003

"Zounds!"
The gnomom tells me
a quarter outflanked of twelve
a juncture to launder
my cranium and to delve
into the profound, abysmal, and subaqueous
macrocosm of metrical composition

"Whatever shall I formulate?"
Oblivion are my intimations
of a metric, perspicuous entity of verse
Which promulgates locution but not affrications
The cognizance of my quandary
buffalos even the sinewy intelligentsia

But I indubitably desiderate
a virtuoso work of oeuvre d'adroitness
or a admirable proficiency
of evoking phantasmagoria in zoitness

Zounds!

-Ashley "I made up the second to last word to trick ya" Stahl

posted by Ash
at 1:17 am


Why was I so awesome before?
And why doesn't anyone post on the poem blog anymore?

RANDOMNESS!!!

Yesterday at marching band I was really hyper and I made a lot of people laugh by acting really stupid. It was fun.
I've noticed that the more I act stupid, the more people end up smiling when I'm around. AND the more I act stupid, the more fun I have. Funny how that works.

Something is picking at my nerves, but I'm afraid to say what it is. And afraid to do anything about it. Afraid of the consequences. It would be the right thing to do. Now I understand why people sometimes have to get hurt if you do the right thing. If you want to help them.
UUUGGHHH I don't want to make anyone mad. Help me out and examine your life right now, readers.

Also, I miss Rebecca.

The freshman string players in fourth block are really funny. They're not afraid of anyone or anything, and they all have really defined and distinct personalities. It's fun to watch them in action...

Jesus was tempted by sin everyday just like we are, but he never fell for it. Can you imagine not ever sinning, ever? That's just plain amazing. Don't know what made me think of that. But man.

In other news, all-state auditions are tomorrow. And then a football game. Yay.

Rock the hula!

Yesterday I was looking at pictures for the senior page, especially the pics from a long time ago when I was really little. I was so happy and so cute. My favorite pose was to smile realllly big practically ear to ear. Those picures make me smile. Not only are they funny and cute but they remind me of being a child with complete innocence again. Kids don't worry about anything, now isn't that a wonderful life to have.
Makes me think about how much I am not a child anymore...and I should be. Everyone should be a child. No fears about life, no worries about the earthy things we say we need. No cares at all, just complete faith that things will work out allright. I don't think any child was worried that he wouldn't have a house after the hurricanes. Because they don't care. Where do worries get you? Nowhere. Nowhere at all. So why do we worry, especially about things that are out of our control? Why not just have trust, as we once did?

I remember those days. They were good days.

Tomorrow I am going to be a happier, healthier, holier, funnier, and more spontaneous person than today.

I just recieved three more of my Interlochen CDs, including the WYSO concert with Gerard Schwarz/the Sibelius and the concerto competition concert! Now those are CDs to show off if I've ever seen any. Right now I'm listening to Samuel Jones Variations on a Theme of Howard Hanson (the Interlochen theme). These make me so happy that I'm gonna...I don't know...jump around and act like a fool.
::Jumps around and acts like a fool::
Ohmanohmanohman

Homecoming is in two weeks!! It really snuck up on me. Is snuck a word?
Okay so should I go? It's only 12 dollars I think. But if not, I could have another non-homecoming party, and that would be fun. Eh.
It's amaazing to think that someone as intelligint and smrt and talentad and beuteyful and so perfact as MY FRIENDS and ME could not have a dayte!

Me: Marching band, I hate you.
Marching band: oh now I'm sad

Hey hey, whatddya say? Let's P-L-A-Y play!
What the heck is that from?

There was (was or were? There was an amount. There were an amount. I think it's was. But I'm not sure.) an extrordinary amount of mosquitos in the bandroom at zero block today. And they all bit me and it made me sad :(
And then I got to line the field instead of practicing in third block and that made me sad too.
But then someone and it's okay.

Someone at Interlochen who went there the previous year said that when you come back after it and you're having a bad day, your mind goes back to Interlochen and the people and the places and you can re-live the feeling of it and it makes you feel better, like the memory is a safe haven from the world or something. That's good and stuff.

I am starting to understand why Alex acted the way he did all year last year. Many things after camp seem very boring and normal now. But I shouldn't write that because I'm being a jerk. But oh well that's the price you pay for going to Interlochen.
I know that there's blessing in boring and normal, I just have to find it.

Bright cheery smiles make my day!

Hey I should be practicing but I'm not hey what's new.
Allright, it's easy mac time.

Oh man I got some of my Interlochen CDs and it makes me SOo happy!!
I'm listening to the operetta CD right now, Ruddigore by Gilbert and Sullivan. I played in the pit orchestra, and it was one of the funnest thing I did there.
Oh man it makes me happy.

"You have no idea what a poor opinion I have of myself!...and how little I deserve it."
-Ruddigore

What I really want to know is why am I not practicing right now?

I am very lucky and very happy for it.
Thank you, God.

I love you.

Once upon a time in a faraway land there was a girl and her name wasn't Ashley or Ashlee or Ashely or even Ashleigh because those names are oh so overused. Indeed this girl's name was Lashley. One fair day she was wandering along an extremely straight road when suddenly she tripped over a toaster. Though quite puzzled that a toaster lay in the middle of the lonely road, she thought nothing of it and and proceeded to walk over it. That is, until the toaster grew and grew. The toaster then sprouted legs and arms and it picked Lashley up and ate her. As if that wasn't bad enough for the poor girl, the road moved and twisted in such a way that she no longer had any idea where she was anymore. And as if THAT wasn't bad enough, the toaster started to turn on the heat. Inside of the toasters toaster, Lashleigh struggled to free herself but to no avail. She was stuck, it seemed, to her her death. But then something miraculous happened. A blade of grass from the neighboring lawn unrooted itself and began punching the toaster. The other blades of grass noted this action and soon the whole lawn was punching the toaster, demanding that it free Lashley. The toaster, quite perturbed, sprouted a mouth and demanded that the blades of grass perform a talent show before it freed Lashely. So they did. And indeed the grass had a lot of talent: one group of blades performed a rock concert, one blade calculated high-level Calulus problems in its head, another blade recited the entire dictionary from memory, and another troupe put on an entire circus for the toaster. And those listed were just some of the amazing acts in the show! The toaster grew increasingly astounded as it observed the shining talents of the grass. Of course, it had no idea that the lawn possessed so much talent. In return for such an amazing show, the toaster freed Lashlee and diminished its size. The blades of grass, who were ever-giving to the girl, showed her the way home, as the road had changed and she was rather lost. When Laashley arrived at her home, she snuggled into her bed, satisfied that she actually survived the whole ordeal. When she awoke the next day, she swallowed a spoon for good luck and the toaster never bothered her again. She later married the lawn, and they lived happily ever after.
The end.

CHANGE OF PACE
I'm having more fun than you

This is exactly like summer except for one thing that's missing. I can't quite figure out what that one thing is but I know that its absence is making me sad and nostalgic.
So there's my random thought for the day.

IN OTHER NEWS
I have no other news. I feel so boring. I don't even know what I do all day anymore. Time just sort of passes by, unnoticed. Like I said, something is definitely missing.
BUT IT'S OKAY because I'm going to take a bike ride and you can't stop me. Okay you could stop me but by the time you read this I'll prolly have been longgone already so unless you are fast and really determined you can't stop me.
And then I'm going to practice in my living room where it's nice and echoey and try to make myself feel secure about my tone and control again.

Man, I'm just glad I got to miss two marching band practices and a football game. Hey, maybe we even missed a pep rally too! This hurricane had so many hidden blessings. But if I have realized the blessing then I guess it isn't hidden, huh?
Brain: Time for Ashley to stop talking
Me: Hey thats what all my friends say to me! Good old friends.

Sorry guys for pretending to be online when I wasn't. My away message mysteriously dissapeared ::eyes mom suspiciously::

!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i
It looks cool
!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i

Does anyone know if there's Bible study tonight?

Sad post...
Do you ever look into your past and wish things were somehow the same as they were before? I'm sure you do, everybody does. But you know what? Things will never be the way they were before. Never ever again. So you know what you gotta do? You gotta live with it. Make the most of things. Yes it's fine to look back and say "indeed those were good times ye bonnie lass" (what?) but its not okay to dwell on it forever. Where does that get you? Nowhere, that's where.
I have many memories that I don't want to forget and often I think of them and how happy I was. Not that I'm not happy now, but it was different. And sometimes I even wish that those times were present again. But they never will be. So maybe I'll try something new. Spice things up a little. Maybe I'll make some new memories to look back on someday.

Okay so today is song lyric day so sue me but these lyrics are really really good especially if you have heard the song.

Caledonia (Dougie MacLean)

I don't know if you can see

the changes that have come over me.

In these last few days, I've been afraid

that I might drift away.

So I've been telling old stories, singing songs

that make me think about where I came from,

and that's the reasons why I seem so far away today.

Oh and let me tell you that I love you

that I think about you all the time.

Caledonia, you're calling me, and now I'm going home.

If I should become a stranger,

you know that it would make me more than sad.

Caledonia's been everything I've ever had.

Oh and I have moved and kept on moving,

proved the points that I needed proving,

lost the friends that I needed losing,

found others on the way.

Oh and I have tried and kept on trying

stolen dreams yes there's no denying.

I have traveled far with concience flying

somewhere with the wind.

Oh but let me tell you that I love you

that I think about you all the time.

Caledonia, you're calling me, and now I'm going home.

If I should become a stranger,

you know that it would make me more than sad.

Caledonia's been everything I've ever had.

[cool Irish flute solo]

Now I'm sitting here before the fire.

The empy room, a forest wide.

The flames couldn't get any higher

then withered now they've gone.

But I'm steady thinking,

my way is clear,

and I know what I will do tomorrow.

When the hands have shaken and the kisses flow,

well I will dissapear.

Oh and let me tell you that I love you

that I think about you all the time.

Caledonia, you're calling me, and now I'm going home

If I should become a stranger,

you know that it would make me more than sad.

Caledonia's been everything I've ever had.

Oh and let me tell you that I love you

that I think about you all the time

Caledonia, you're calling me, and now I'm going home

If I should become a stranger,

you know that it would make me more that sad.

Caledonia's been everything I've ever had.

I LIKE THIS SONG, YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?
I didn't think so.

"The Whistler" (Jethro Tull)
I'll buy you six bay mares to put in your stable
six golden apples bought with my pay.
I am the first piper who calls the sweet tune,
but I must be gone by the seventh day.

So come on, I'm the whistler.
I have a fife and a drum to play.
Get ready for the whistler.
I whistle along on the seventh day
whistle along on the seventh day.

All kinds of sadness I've left behind me.
Many's the day when I have done wrong.
But I'll be yours for ever and ever.
Climb in the saddle and whistle along.

So come on, I'm the whistler.
I have a fife and a drum to play.
Get ready for the whistler.
I whistle along on the seventh day
whistle along on the seventh day.

Deep red are the sun-sets in mystical places.
Black are the nights on summer-day sands.
We'll find the speck of truth in each riddle.
Hold the first grain of love in our hands.

I think I posted something like this already but eh...
Sometimes bad things happen and there's nothing you can do about it. Should you give in to the situation? No! As the saying goes, nobody can make you mad except you. No situation makes you sad, it's your reaction to it that that changes you. You know how some people are, how you could spit in their face or punch them or something and they would still ask God to bless you? That's not giving into circumstamces. I don't think any person can do this on his own. The power to fight circumstances must come from elsewhere. At least it does for me, though I neither fight very well nor can see very well into the brains of others. But whenever I feel myself moping about something stupid I catch myself and say "Stop feeling sorry for yourself. What are you doing. You don't deserve pity, especially from yourself." Granted, it's easy for me to say this, I've had an easy life. But just remember that however bad things are, there is someone else out there worse off than you. And things could always get worse. So appreciate what you have. If you are anything like me, you don't deserve pity, not from yourself and not from others. So don't give into it.
Sorry if I'm a bit of a hypocrite on this one, I'm trying to amend that flaw.

Living in the dark is driving me crazy! At least we have electricity though. But still. I need to get out into the sunlight. But how to do it? Spider solitare is keeping me captive. I need an excuse to go out.
Spider solitare, you will be my downfall.

Rod Stewart is A-okay.

Me: You know what is one of the hardest things to do, brain?
Brain: I'll humor you. What is one of the hardest things to do?
Me: To wait patiently
Brain: Waiting is tough
Me: Not many people can do it well. Maybe that's why patience is a virtue.
Brain: Maybe. Now go practice.

Your favorite person is back in town
And by back I mean BACK.

Hehe I'm writing in the hotel lobby computer and it's very slow. Yay I'm safe from Frances.

I ate lunch with Mr. Schwindt and all the former THS band members who ended up at FSU. That was interesting.

Kay I gotta go now so bye.

Well, today was a-okay. I spent the day surfing the web, practicing, watching T.V. and playing spider solitare. Mostly the last one, though. I also took a walk outside so I could see the sunlight, for my house is tightly boarded up with no light allowed through. It was a lazy day if I've ever seen one.

My dad and I are leaving tomorrow around 6 AM. Wish us luck, and Godspeed to all (though I don't think anyone really knows what that means. Well, I don't at least.)

H. Frances, I hope you die. Very quickly.

Things are looking a lot better than they did yesterday. I think I was freaking out because I was so hungry (hadn't eaten from lunch till 9 at night).
We still don't know exactly what we're going to do. My dad and I have a hotel reservation for Tallahassee, but as time goes on, he's thinking more and more about just staying here. My mom, unfortunately, has to work at the EOC, "the bunker," which is apparently the safest building humanely possible. I still wish she could come with us. And then Craig's in Tallahassee, on his own.
In preparation for a power outage, we are attempting to eat everything in the freezer. My dad made about 20 chicken wings and we drank about 2 gallons of milkshake made from the ice cream in there. I am so full right now, but it was fun to make.

I will prolly write again before I leave, if I leave. But if I don't have a chance to, you guys just be safe. Don't take chances, and don't stop praying.

OK, so we're all scared about the hurricane. Is it okay to be scared? Answer me.

There were a bunch of funny things on the band whiteboard about H. Francis today. I'm glad people can joke about it. The thing is, there are worse things in life than hurricanes. Don't believe me? Think about it.

My family spent a lot of money this summer, and each person in the family got something they wanted. Craig got a piano (which he paid for half of it, but oh well), my mom got new carpet, my dad got a new bigscreen television, and I got to go to Interlochen. (For the record, mine costed the most. Therefore, I win.) And you know what? If this hurricane decides to destroy everything, all that money spent on posessions will be WASTED. From all that spent money, the only thing that will last is what I did at Interlochen. No hurricane can take that away. Nobody can. Unless they hit me really hard on the head and I get ammnesia.

Here's a verse that hit the nail on the head:
"[Job] said, 'I was born with nothing, and I will die with nothing. The Lord gave, and now he has taken away. May his name be praised!'"
Job 1:21

You guys who read this, just please stay safe. Please. I love you all to pieces.

I don wanna go ta marching band.
I dont wanna, I dont wanna, I dont wanna.
::throws a temper tantrum::

Something has been bothering me all day and it just resolved itself and it makes me happy. YAY.

I totally watched Pokemon the first movie today. Hahaha I'm funny. But really. It has good music! And it's all dramatic and stuff. It's actually pretty good for a cartoon film, even though most kids would get lost 5 minutes into the plot.

My to-do list is slowly but surely dwindling.

Jacques Ibert, you are one cool guy.

I KNEW that was going to happen. I am never going to share my thoughts ever again (snort)

You are a Kangaroo: Truly awesome, dude! Kangaroos
are some wicked creatures, as you can tell from
this totally awesome picture I have here! You
are the top of the marsupial list! Confident,
fun, and always up for a great time!

What Marsupial Are You?
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Man it's not late enough yet, my mind isn't thinking of random things that make no sense. Darn.
It's thundering out. I like the thunder. Not all the time. Just once in a while. Enough to make it...special. Rain and thunder set a mood, just as well as the sun does. I like to think that the sun sets a laid-back mood. I know I get really lazy and carefree when I go out in the sun. That's just the way it is. But the rain and thunder/lightning, especially at night, set an extremely dark mood. It's a prefect setting to watch a scary movie or write an emotional poem or listen to minor mozart. Okay, now we're getting a little more random.

I've figured out the answer to the ongoing question of "Would you rather be hot or cold?" And no, the answer isn't neither because I know that's what all you dumb people out there want to say but if you weren't dumb you would've noticed that that isn't one of the choices.
ANYWAY.
Ok. So you don't like it when it's really hot, and you don't like it when it's really cold. But I don't think that's nessccessarily (I need to learn how to spell that word) true. I know nobody likes being cold. Who would jump into a pool of cold water because it feels good? Nobody. Yes, some people jump in a pool of cold water because they are maniacs or because it's fun or they think theyre cool or something but I seriously don't think anyone does it because it feels good. So then, who jumps in a pool of hot water because it feels good? Everyone I know does. Have you ever heard of jaccuzzi? How about a sauna? A hot tub? If you have one of these, you like being hot.
That doesn't convince you? How about this:
Have you ever gone to the beach? Was it hot or cold when you went? I know I don't go to the beach when it's cold out. I go when it's hot. Because the heat feels good. And the cold doesn't.
Still not convinced? Take a look:
Do you take a shower in hot or cold water? If you take a shower in cold water, you seriously have some temperature problems. I can't stand taking a shower in cold water (and I've done it before. I had to. It's quite possibly the most horrible thing on this earth). But I love showers in hot water. I actually want to stay there longer, usually, because hot showers feel so nice.
One last piece of evidence:
If you went on a cruise, where would you want to go, somewhere tropical or somewhere arctic? The statistics show that the majority of people in this world would rather be somewhere tropical. And you gotta trust the statistics (unless, of course, I made them up).

In conclusion, the answer to the question "Would you rather be hot or cold?" is, by my findings, hot.
But then theres all the stupid interpretations like "Doy doy hot and cold are not definite temperatures you can't just go around throwing adjectives in science" and I say shut up I don't care. You're just mad because you know I'm right.

If you talk to me tomorrow, don't let me do anything until I practice. At least two hours. At least. And I'm serious. You gotta refuse to do anything with me until I practice, no matter how much I beg and cry and punch. I haven't seriously practiced for 3 days now!
!!!

Brain: Ash, you're really dumb

Dude I totally just won spider solitare by skill and not luck.

Wow you are not normal

Are'>http://quizilla.com/users/Tequitos/quizzes/Are%20you%20normal%3F/">Are you normal?
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Wow you are not normal

Are'>http://quizilla.com/users/Tequitos/quizzes/Are%20you%20normal%3F/"a>Are you normal?
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Wow you are not normal

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Wow you are not normal

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Friday, August 27, 2004

Make that 10 hours.

I've got nothing to say except that I should have been practicing for the last 3 hours.

Has there ever been a time when there was something that you knew you had to do because it was "the right thing to do" but you really really really didn't want to? And nobody was forcing you so it was your choice? Yeeeah. That's me pretty soon.

ANYWAY.

I just ate a meal of easy mac, a doughnut, and milk. And it actually wasn't too bad together.

Marching band...actually just life in general...is so much better than last year. My mom noticed that I've been in a good mood ever since I arrived back. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy that I'm not an officer this year. I can kick back and have the easy life. No rules, no responsibilities, nobody hating me, no worrying about if my section is doing what they should or not and worrying about what I should do if they aren't, etc. The list of perks could go on and on and on. It's so wonderful I can't even explain it.
PLUS my (two) classes are a joke this semester. I might as well not even go to school. Actually that's a lie. It's just that I'm used to so much harder stuff, so much more work. Last year at this time I had physics honors (Sprayberry), AP Calculus (Orletsky) and AP English (Thomas). Thats a deadly trio of classes if I've ever seen one. But right now I have College Algebra (Redlien) which is...ummm...not too hard....and American Government (Ball), which is the closest I get to a hard class right now, even though it looks like most of it's gonna be review of what I know already with a little added detail.
The stress factor is just not there. Plus...I know you're gonna roll your eyes, but Interlochen has changed me. I didn't use the phone or the computer or the television or the car, etc. I have now conquered those things. I don't need them anymore. And I feel free! I feel good about myself. Well, sometimes.
But still, compared to this time last year, I don't know how good I have it. Last year was not too good. I was losing myself and everything I cared about. There was a time in there where I seriously thought I was depressed. But not now!
And that ends Biography of Ash's Life, Vol. 1
(I wasn't being serious, all you who are readily waiting for Vol. 2)

I took an online IQ test, but I'm not going to tell you my score because I'm sneaky.
My piccolo smells like bug spray.
I got my Interlochen pics!

The first time I played with the THS band was when I was in eighth grade. It was a practice for the Washington DC trip. Apparently they needed more flutes (imagine! needing more flutes!) and I was a decent sister-flute who was going to be in wind ensemble the next year, so Schwindt invited me to go on the trip. At the practice, they left the second-chair flute spot open for me, behind only Heather. I struggled through all the music (the most difficult song being "American Salute") and left with my mouth hanging wide open in amazement. I didn't know bands could sound so beautiful! When I talked to the students in the band about how amazing it sounded, they all replied the same way..."We suck," to which I would reply, "Well, I'm used to middle school band, so everything sounds good to me." They would say "We still sound bad." I didn't believe them. How could they say they sounded bad?
Going through my years of high school, the band started sounding worse and worse. Not because the band actually grew worse, but because my perspective changed. Back in eighth grade, I didn't know what "beautiful" was. What I told people was true, everything sounded good to me. And now, unfortunately, everything sounds bad to me. In eighth grade, I couldn't ever have imagined the quality of the groups I was destined to be in someday. If I had, I wouldn't have called the DC band "beautiful."
In the same way, we are not very good or faithful people. From the eighth grade perspective, we may look beautiful, but deep down on the inside we are just a bunch of wrong notes and impercise rhythms. But we dont' see it because we are still so young. That's why we must keep growing...our growth is what tells us who we really are. Innocence--or is it ignorance?--will not suffice any longer. Maybe if we develop the right perspective, we will someday be worthy of the challenges placed before us. Until then, we will be stuck with the sound of high school and the mind of an eighth grader. AND THAT'S NO GOOD AT ALL.

I was gonna tell another story or something but I forgot what it was.
Oh well.

Marching band is dumb and it makes me sad ):
But Paul Hamm won the silver medal in the men's gymnastics high bar finals. Way to go, Paul!

Anywho....I should be going, or I'm gonna be late like I was at the two other practices I've been to. I hope we don't march on the field so I'll never get to learn the show. That'd be great!

Once again...marching band is dumb.

Today was a splendid day, and I'll tell you why. I saw/talked to several people who I haven't seen/talked to for quite a long time. AND IT MAKES ME HAPPY.

UNRELATED THOUGHT!
When I was young (younger), I used to love when I was in a moving car and it started raining. I would always watch the raindrops on the window travel from the front of the window to the back, you know, in the opposite direction that the car is moving. I would pretend that if the drops made it off the window, they would be saved. Saved from what, I don't know, but they would be saved. It was mesmerizing, watching the little drops be saved. I could've done it for hours, and I probably did. I cheered in my heart every time a drop was saved. But sometimes the drops couldn't make it on their own. The smaller drops always had a harder time traveling down the window while the bigger ones went barreling through, destroying everything in their path. Many times, a steadily-moving medium-sized drop would be traveling along and run into a smaller one...and they would join together and complete the journey as one drop! When the drops joined together, they grew bigger and were thus able to move much faster. And as they grew bigger, they collected more and more smaller drops on the way, helping them along. Eventually, the collected drops would form what I would call "monster drops." Monster drops moved so fast that they had absolutely no trouble being saved. The only problem was, they would leave a trail of helpless little drops behind them. It's almost as if they rejected what they once helped, and they only cared about themselves. I never liked when that happened, and I hated monster drops, because even though they themselves were saved, they created all kinds of trouble for the smaller ones they rejected. My favorite kind of drops were the clean, medium-sized ones that didn't leave a trail of small drops behind while they were traveling. That's when you know the drops really care, when they welcome every small drop they encounter and don't leave any behind. But they always had to beware of collecting too many, because monster drops are extremely easy to form.

Ahh, childhood. Gotta love it.

I got a new toothbrush and it makes me happy.
There's no place like home.
Maybe I should learn how to use the phone.
I like playing my flute, but not when I sound like poo.

I learned at camp that while I have no trouble making friends, I'm actually anti-social. I avoid doing social things with people. Like talking. And going places to "hang out." I never seem to "feel like it," which really means I don't want to. Oh well.

Stressed is desserts spelled backwards.
What country is VIN?
I want to say what I want to say, but I will wait a little longer. Maybe it's not even for bloggey.
IT BURNS.
Time for bed.

There's something that happens whenever my mom starts talking about colleges that makes me not want to talk about them anymore. I can talk about them with anybody else and I don't get mad so I want to figure out why it happens.

I just searched my name on the Internet for the very first time. It was scary. It came up with about 93 results, and about 5 or so were me (mostly lists of me on Interlochen programs or competitions I have won etc. There was also one from the poem blog.). There was this one that was some random guy's blog and he wrote, "I finally got the courage to ask Ashley Stahl out today." And I was like wooah there I don't know you but of course he didn't mean me but it's just crazy seeing your own name and having it not mean you. And now somebody with my name is going to search their name and have this come up and they're gonna be like cool she wrote about searching my name. And we have the same name.
Yeah.

One more thing...I've lived in a wooden cabin in the middle of nowhere for the last 8 weeks. I had hardly any way to communicate with the outside world. So basically I dropped off the face of the earth for two months and I have no idea whats happening with anybody right now. I'm trying to scan through livejournals, etc, but I certainly can't read it all. So please tell me if I need to know something that happened, in your life or the world in general.
Thank you.

Man, my summer sure was boring, uneventful, and unsuccessful. I didn't learn anything at camp and I didn't get to do anything cool. I also did not get any better at the flute and my auditions reflected it. My orchestra was the worst ever and we played bad music, I didn't make any friends, and it was NO FUN AT ALL. I also didn't get a chance to grow spiritually because I was all cooped up in a cabin in the woods. I wish I didn't go to Interlochen at all.

....gotcha.

Yeah, I'm not gonna go into all the details because there are just way too many and I wouldn't even know where to start, but as I said, I will never be the same again because of it. Interlochen is the awesomest of all the awesomes. The best thing ever.

And now I will give you with a reading that I stumbled over when I was there:
"Christ is the visible likeness of the invisible God. He is the first-born Son, superior to all created things. For through him God created everything in heaven and on earth, the seen and unseen things, including spiritual powers, lords, rulers, and authorities. God created the whole universe through him and for him. Christ existed before all things, and in union with him all things have their proper place. He is the head of the body, the church; he is the source of the body's life. He is the first-born Son, who was raised from death, in order that he alone might have the first place in all things. For it was by God's own decision that the Son has in himself the full nature of God. Through the Son, then, God decided to bring the whole universe back to himself. God made peace through his Son's sacrificial death on the cross and so brought back to himself all things, both on earth and in heaven."
-Colossians 1:15-20

Oh yeah I just remembered..thank you so much to those of you who wrote letters to me when I was at camp! They were like shining stars on dark days. Except the days usually weren't dark, but whatev. And it didn't even matter how long they were. Just that you were thoughtful enough to think of me was awesome. So thanks!

So now starts my new life. Help me, God.

I will never be
the same again.
I can never return,
I've closed the door.
I will walk the mile,
I will run the race,
and I will never be
the same again.