When you find yourself thinking about something a lot, that means you care about it. Why would you think about something you don't care about?

-------------------------

Do you ever wish that you could just tell somebody everything? Everything you know and feel and wish for? I do. Why do we hide so much? Would the world be a better place if we didn't hide anything?
My theory is that everybody is putting on a show, in one way or another. I hate to pretend, to put on shows, but I have to, we all have to. But why do we have to? That's what I'm wondering. Why do I hide so much, what good does it do me? And yet I must.

The other day I listened to Beethoven's 9th while driving. I couldn't believe how amazing it was, even after listening to it about 10 times before. There's nothing quite the same as mucic. It's just....aaahhh. I can't describe it. There's nothing to describe music. It's too...something. It's not a word, it's a feeling. Nothing like it.

Yesterday I went bowling with Shannon and Jay. I got four strikes and won two out of three games. Also, I became hard core from the blaring beats and fog machines and strobe lights and black lights and stuff.
It was fun and now I am hard core.

I just made really good use of my time and resources by making a Lord of the Rings collage using the pictures from last years's day by day calendar. I'm going to put it in the front of my humanities notebook.
:)

Why nerds are unpopular:

http://www.paulgraham.com/nerds.html

This is the 652nd post in my blogger. Way to go, me!

The Phantom of the Opera is really awesome if you don't compare it to the stage production. And if you like music.
They changed and/or removed some parts though, eh. They did what they wanted.
The only thing I really disagree with is the color choices in the Masquerade scene. Where did all the colors go? That was one of the factors that made the scene so awesome. Well, also Masquerade is the best song in the whole show. But you know. Color was awesome too.

Anyway...I'll let you guys watch it before I give anything else away. Generally, I was pleased with the movie. And I didn't want it to end.

Mrs. Ball: "Chris, you are late."
Chris: "I'm a senior. I can do whatever I want."

Masquerade
Paper faces on parade
Masquerade
Hide your face
So the world will never find you

1. Freedom from all self-pity
2. Freedom from all prejudice
3. Freedom from everything that would make you feel better than your sister

Written on the wall of the bathroom stall at Interlochen:
I am nobody.
Nobody's perfect.
Therefore, I am perfect!

Also:
In red pen:
Are you feeling alone?
In blue pen:
I hope so...this is a bathroom stall!

Someone threw something at me today (in a joking sort of way) and then said "I'm just kidding." My question is, how can you be just kidding about an action? You still threw something at me, you can't take it back. You can't be just kidding.
Not that I care. Throw stuff at me all you want, I won't stop you. Well, maybe I will. But it's the principle of the thing.

Also, I've noticed that whenever someone says "No offense, but..." the thing that follows is usually really offensive. Or if you says "Don't take this the wrong way" that's just a one way ticket to getting whatever you said taken the wrong way. They are like blaring sirens "YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE INSULTED." I know that whenever someone says these things to me I know something bad is coming. They backfire, ya know? I'm just going to stay away from these phrases.

Having student conductors for two days really makes you realize how important and skilled your teachers are. I hope they don't leave for that long for the rest of the year. And it was only two days...

The first humanities quiz was today. I was so ready. I'm going to get a high grade.

THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!!! Tonight!!! YAAAAYYYY!!!
Thanks, mom, for giving me something to look forward to all week. It's wonderful to have something to look forward to, it is not?

Ha ha haaaa I'm boycotting all-state!!

No, I don't want/need your pity.
Brain: That's right.

My left hip has a dent in the bone. It's like a speed bump. It's like that because they took bone marrow from my hip to put in the bone in my back for surgery. And now sometimes I can predict rain because my side starts hurting. It's cool. Well, my side hurting isn't cool. But predicting rain is.

Anyway. I remember a time when someone implied that girls shouldn't be sad because their boyfriends break up with them. Or shouldn't cry or something. I can't exactly remember, it was a long time ago. The reasoning the person gave is this: there are people starving in this world. There are people who have terminal illness. There are people who live under harsh living conditions. The list could go on. And since none of these things are happening to us, we have no right to be sad. But you know what? I'm pretty sure that if I was starving and then my boyfriend broke up with me, I'd still be sad because of it.
Anyway.

My mom said she'd take me to go see The Phantom of the Opera this weekend! Awesome!
Also, a new Lost is on tonight.
What could be better?

Well I'm not doing so well on my resolutions so far but there is still time.

Ahhhhhh
Stop it, brain.
Stop it, stop it, stop it.
Don't you see?
You're driving me crazy!
Brain: False accusation
(brain hands me the card)

All the many pieces I'm attempting to learn look a little less imposing when I'm not sightreading them any more.
Still no word from NEC or Juilliard ): Juilliard I'm not worried about, because they said that I would find out my audition time (if I am invited) three or four weeks before the audition, and the auditions are end of Feb-early March.
NEC, however said they would contact for an audition late Dec-early Jan. The time is passing, and no word yet. I keep getting things in the mail that I like...newsletters, letters from Interlochen buddies, flute music...but what I really want is word from colleges. Come on, colleges!

Craig:
"Hey Ash, watch me walk like a robot!"
::walks like a robot::

Alyssa (upon walking into my practice room):
"Initially, it smelled like oranges."

-------------------

Well I'm sure glad I made that decision because I'm needing it.

This year I am not going to let someone else decide what I think about. I am going to decide what enters my brain and what doesn't.
And I am going to listen to more Chieftains.

-------------------

Hey I have an idea let's all talk A LOT about going to all-state. That will make things happy.

-------------------

Ya know, every once in a while we all wish that it could go back to the way it was. We all do it. We say to ourselves, "I was truly happy back then," and we always wish that it could be like that again. But you know what? It never will be the same again. Nothing will be the same again. It's hard to stop wishing for the past, I know, but how about instead of looking back to the past looking ahead into the future? Things can be very happy in the future, although they will never be the same. How about being happy that you had that time, that you were blessed with the opportunity to have that time? And who knows, maybe you weren't really as happy as you think. Maybe you haven't even seen happy yet because it's waiting somewhere in the future. Maybe your greatest hour is still to come. For someone my age, I would hope that the greatest hour is still to come. We all tend to think that our past is all our life is, that nothing greater is ever going to come, that what we are now is what we will always be. But you never know. You never know.

When I was in gymnastics, there was a move that I was totally scared out of my mind to execute. It was a called a flyaway, and it was a dismount from the uneven bars. To do it, you would swing a couple times and then let go while swinging forward, doing a flip in the air before you hit the ground.
I wasn't scared of doing it until one day when I let go too late, smacking my feet on the bar and scaring myself silly. After that, it was a struggle to let go ever again. The fear held me back. I knew that if I just decided to do it and let go, I wouldn't get hurt.
Every practice, I would resolve to do it, to actually let go this time, but whenever the time came I would panic and hold on. This method didn't work so well, because sometimes I would resolve to let go, panic and not let go, and then resolve again at the last second, resulting in hurting myself again because I let go too late.
I worked mainly with two coaches at the time. One was understanding and tried to talk me into doing it. She would spot me for few times and then see if I was ready to do it by myself. The other coach had a zero tolerance policy: if I refused to do it three times, I would be sent out of practice. Do it or you leave. I'm not really sure which policy worked better for me, but I do know that I got sent out of practice a few times.
Throughout the competition season, the fear gradually subsided, not without extremely tough effort and lots of anger. By the end, I was doing the flyaway by myself every time, although the fear never totally went away. There was always fear, always until I let go. It is only when you let go that you know you are not going to be hurt. I think I've learned that by now.

Whatever!

Pink cats rule!

Sigh..no more real break for me, ever again. Well, possibly spring break. But probably not.
Darn you, 6:00 A.M.

Pink cats rule!

I'm sorry I'm so stupid, but I really can't help it.

I don't want the college people to go back!

What would seem to most a lack of faith to me is a lack of pain.
I finally have peace.
No more pain.
Just peace.
It's wonderful.

Unlike most parties I attend where the host serves caffine, yesterday I was not hyper one bit. I don't know what was wrong. But I sure learned how to play poker.
I guess sometimes I will just have to forget things to be happy.

Me: Go away, 2004.
2004: You don't like me anymore?
Me: I'm just ready for a new year. And a clean slate.
2004: I understand. Well, have a good time in 2005. I'll always remember you, Ashley, and I hope you'll always remember me...
2004: How could I forget you, 2004? I have learned so much from you! Mostly things about myself. No, I will never forget you.
Goodbye, 2004

I had a dream involving a friend and it made me very very unhappy.

Until 7:00 tomorrow, I don't think my life is going to be very fun...

Anyway, I went Chopin shopin (HAHAHA) today and I got a lot of cool stuff, including a shirt that says "Pink Cats Rule" and has weird looking pink creatures on it. I'm guessing they're supposed to be cats. I love that shirt.

I got to practice today. I wouldn't have had a chance if I did not leave game night earlier than usual. Ya know, when you're having fun, it's very hard to leave somewhere, and today wasn't an exception, but I thought of poor Sharko who hasn't had any air blown through him for two days and I knew what I had to do.

Breathing into an instrument to create music is gratifying.

Hey how about a story? Would you guys like that?
Ok.
Once upon a time in a faraway land there lived a cat who collected pictures of boats and sat on bean bag chairs all day long. The cat had many friends, yes, and they formed what became known as "The Bean Bag Society." Well one day the manufacturers of the beanbag stuffed animals learned of this infamous society and became very mad, the reason being that they had already formed a Bean bag Society and had intended to recruit members very soon. Well, this cat was a fighter and so, in 1746, he traveled to Iceland and the factory of forks and knives. He asked the manager, "May I please borrow some forks and knives?" and the manager was so impressed with the cat's manners that he offered to donate ten shiploads of forks and knives to the Bean Bag Society. The cat, of course, was astonshied at this kindness and readily accepted the offer. However, the manager was not very smart and ended up sending the forks and knives to a computer superstore in Austria instead. Keeping in mind that this was all in 1764, the cat wondered what a computer superstore was, but being curious like any cat would be, he followed the shipload of forks and knives and collected pictures of boats on the way. He also managed to acquire some palm tree furniture for future use in his house. Well, when he finally arrived in Austria, he discovered that the "computer superstore" had not yet been invented and so he travaled back home, discouraged about what to do. Upon beginning the meeting of the Bean Bag Society, his fellow members kicked him out, giving the reason that he had not once sat on a bean bag in two whole weeks. The cat argued that he had been tricked into trying to find the computer superstore (which, if you remember, had not been invented yet), but the members relentlessly threw bones and excercise equiptment at him. So the cat joined the other Bean Bag Society and soon discovered that its members consisted solely of packages of shredded cheese. The cat was very confused because it had before had the general idea that packages of shredded cheese could not talk nor manufature bean bags. But he realized that his theory was proven wrong and he joined with the cheese. The forks and knives eventually made it to the Societies's headquarters but the cat realized that he had no idea why he needed a 10 shiploads of forks and knives and so he tossed them into the sea, never to be heard from again. The Bean Bag Society later grew to become the most well-known Bean Bag Society known ever. Though disbanded in the late 1800s, the legacy of the late Bean Bag Society has been felt throughout all of time, and perhaps the legacy will live forever.
The end

I am exceedingly sad that I didn't get a chance to play my flute yesterday. Especially since I didn't play much the day before, and I probably won't get much chance to play today, if any.

Man, I am not going to be ready for auditions.

Someone stupid: But Ashley, you are so good! You're ready for anything.
Me: Shut up.

Oh well, at least Sea World was awesome and I have oodles and oodles of gift cards to spend today at the mall. It can't get much better than that.
Unless you add a few hours in to practice.

Today I:
-Woke up at 12:30 and cursed the lateness
-Ran the dishwasher
-Read the rest of Pride and Prejudice
-Practiced
-Went the library, checked out two books, and bought The Hobbit (25 cents!!!!!)
-Ordered a metrenome
-Wrote a cadenza (!!)
-Ate a meal of spaghetti parmesan with Chef's pasta sauce. Oh, it was wonderful.
-Used my Old Navy gift card and bought some stuff
-Listened the the whole Blues Lounge CD
-Visited my aunt and uncle's house for a bit o birthday cake and Elf-watchin.

Well, who know, maybe someone out there really does want to hear what I did all day.

Tomorrow is Sea World day!

Pride and Prejudice was awesome because I could really empathize with characters at times. I need to read more books that I can relate to. Not that I can really relate to the 17th century, but I have felt some of those emotions before. One in particular.

When there is a really good song on a CD, and a mediocre or bad song is the track right before it, I always skip the latter because I am impatient to hear the really good song. And I never end up knowing what the song before it really sounds like. It's a pity..

Well, I have much to look forward to this week. Tomorrow I'm going to Sea World, the next day I am shopping with me mum, and the next day is New Year's eve! And by that time school will be creeping closer and closer....darn school....

Have you ever waited, waited, waited so long for something that your common sense tells you to lose all hope and forget about it? And that it's not worth hoping for anymore because surely if it was to happen it wouldv'e happened by now? But you just can't lose all hope because deep down inside you still believe it will happen? Something is telling you to keep on going, and anyway your hope isn't going to change the outcome, your hope isn't going to change anything. I should lose all hope but I can't, I just can't. I'm sorry, common sense, I can't.

Oh yeah, and I am happy. Especially when I play flute. Just to let you guys know.

Do you ever get flashes of memory? I do. I'll be perfectly peaceful, and the suddenly, BOOM, my mind is attacked with a flash of memory. Just a slice of a certain minute of my life, or a couple words of a conversation I once had. Even a second-long recollection of a certain sensation can occur. These momentary flashes can create such deep emotion that I sometimes involuntarily close my eyes or hide my face. This happens a lot when I can't sleep, when my mind clearly has too much to think about to be able to rest. My eyes will be closed, and I'll be focusing on relaxation, when suddenly it HITS and my eyes fly open, suddenly wide awake again. I'll remember, sometimes things I want to remember forever, and sometimes things I wish never happened. They almost seem like dreams.

Speaking of dreams, they can be so cruel sometimes, can they not? I have had the fortune of having very few nightmares in my lifetime. I think there may have been a time in my childhood in which I dreamt with fear, but it was not very long-lived. No, mostly my dreams are either odd or excessively pleasant. The pleasant ones are the ones I dislike the most. What can you do but wish for what you cannot have after you wake up from a dream about something that will never occur? After the realization of "Oh..it was only a dream," you certainly cannot dwell on what you have, but only think about what you long for. And that is not a happy life indeed.

Hey hey hey it's blogger time!
Blog blog blog.
I am bloggin.
Yay yay yay.

Okay nothing going on in my head so bye

Well, well, well. It's Christmas time once again. And what a Christmas it was.

Jesus is born!!!

--------------------------------

Allright, allright I will list the coolest things I recieved not because I think you want to hear it but because I want to list it. Kapeesh?

-Practically the whole Chieftains collection, thanks to Craig and the wonders of CD burning.
-Putayamo Presents: World Grooves, Congo to Cuba, regular Cuba, and Blues Lounge
-A whole CD dedicated to the Jethro Tull song "Thick as a Brick." How awesome is that?
-A Hubert Laws (jazz flute) CD
-A purse with a picture a bunny hopping next to a radio. It says "hip hop" on it (SO CUTE!)
-Lots and lots of pink clothes.
-Chefs pasta sauce!!!!
-Fuzzy socks
-The ROtK extended DVD. Can anyone say Lord of the Rings marathon?
-A new Bible (mine was falling apart)
-3 bottles of Burt's Bees milk and honey body lotion.
And lots of other stuff!
Right on, everybody!!!!

-----------------------------

The funniest part of the day was when Craig and I played Christmas carols on piano and flute and my family tried to sing to them. This doesn't work well, because
A) Nobody knows the words to any of the songs, and
B) Nobody in my family can sing. Seriously.
So it was funny.

Someone in my family says (s)he has met "the one" well we'll see how that works out.

-----------------------------

It's funny how people can change their minds so quickly, have you ever noticed that? Someone can have a die-hard view on something and then something happens--they have a short conversation or watch a movie or even just a particular person can walk in the room--and their view can change immediately. It's not a bad thing but it's annoying sometimes because it is confusing.

-----------------------------

By studying four things--the way someone moves, the way someone speaks, the things (s)he chooses to say, and the things (s)he chooses to do--it's possible to get a very good idea about how someone feels, even if that person doesn't particularly want to tell you how (s)he feels.
Ya know how when you say something and you know immediately that someone has taken it the wrong way, even before they react? Or if you do something and you know that it has affected someone in a certain way, even if they don't show it? Is this intuition?
Everyone always has a "thing" that they do that just gives them away. It may be very subtle, but it's there. Sometimes it's not very subtle at all. In any case, I usually can pick it up, so many things that people do do not come as a suprise to me. I have been able to predict many an action before the action happened. Especially if that action somehow involves me, because then I pay closer attention.
But what bothers me is when I get to a person and I just can't figure that person out. I have no idea what that person is thinking, or what that person is going to do, or anything. (S)he's just UNPREDICATBLE, and I don't know what to think, or what to do, that will help me or that person. And that bothers me.
I will admit that females are harder to figure out then males. Sorry, guys.

Okay sorry my mind is going crazy again. I need to stop. Good night.

Are you achin
Yup yup
For some bacon?
Yup yup
He's a big pig,
Yup Yup
You can be a big pig too.
Woo!

I've got problems.

There's no crying in baseball.

Dude! This weather reminds me of someone I knew back in the day (Interlochen). There was this girl from Iceland in my flute section, and she had never been in a thunderstorm before. She'd never heard thunder or seen lightning. Apparently they don't have weather in Iceland. Anyway, there was a thunderstorm during one of our rehearsals, and with outdoor stages we could really feel it (outdoor but covered so we didn't get wet). Everytime it thundered this girl's eyes would light up and, with a huge smile on her face, she would point to the sky, like something magical was happening. Her mouth would drop open in complete awe everytime it lightninged (I don't think that's a verb, but eh). To me it was just awesome to see someone so completely excited about a thinderstorm. She prolly went home and told all her friends about the thunderstorm she was in. Good ol Inga.

Well, yeah, duh.

Me: I promise to you that I will practice a lot tomorrow.
Brain: Yeah just like you promised that you would not sleep in very late today, huh?
Me: That was different. I fell alseep again!
Brain: You are always making promises. And do you ever keep them?
Me: Sometimes...
Brain: Bah humbug!

Wow, I really have no life.

Today I actually went to church choir rehearsal (gasp!). It was actually really fun. I think I am the only person in the choir under the age 50.
Anyway, at one point in the rehearsal, we were trying to decide how much time we had for a piece and whether we should do one or two verses. It was for when the priest was going to be slowly walking around the church throwing incense (sp?). We decided that we needed someone to walk around the church acting as the priest while we were singing to see how long it took. So our piano player (who is a naturally funny guy) says to one of the men, "You are looking pious today. Go ahead and be the priest." The man is kind of confused on where to walk so the piano guy goes "It's easy; I'll do it in fast motion" and he proceeds to run around the church with his hands in front of him in the path that the priest usually takes. I don't know, it was just funny to see our piano player running around the church.
That is all.

I took a quiz on Quizilla with this question:

Let's say you have a lot of friends and they are surrounding you, talking incessantly. What are you thinking?
A. Shut up! Can't you see I hate you all?
B. Ah! I love my friends!
C. Do they even know me? Can they see that the outside is whole but the inside is shattered?
D. I love them but...could they be...quieter?

How am I too trusting? Tell me that.
Well, I do like the picture. It's cute :)


A:

Your Beauty liesin Innocence. Pure, sweet and child-like. You most
likely look far younger thanyou are and your smile would brighten up anyone's
day. Seen as naive andsheltered, you can be ignorant at times, but for
the most part, it's simply yourreputation preceding you. You are most likely
rather aware of the realities oflife. You are extremely good natured and
trustworthy. By the same token, you area bit too trusting. Be careful, few are as honest
and open as you. You mightseem girlish still with a love of dresses, ponies,
and things most might deemyou "too old for". But this doesn't
bother you. You enjoy your youth and aregoing to make it last. After all you are only as
old as you feel.

Some ThingsThat Represent You:

Element:Light, Wind Animal: Kitten Color:
White, Pink, Pastels Song:Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney
Expression: Innocent Smile

Gemstone:Diamond Mythological Creature: Unicorn
Planet:Moon Hair Color: White Eye Color: Silver

Quote: "Astranger is just a friend you haven't met
yet."

Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
brought to you by

There is beauty in the forest
When the trees are green and fair
There is beauty in the meadow
When wild flowers scent the air
There is beauty in the sunlight
And the soft blue beams above
Oh, the world is full of beauty
When the heart is full of love
-author unknown

Curses, why can't I eat more?
Why must I always waste?
ahhh

True story:
Today I was driving along in my car when suddenly a panic attack hit and my brain told me "You didn't start your car!" I freaked out for about a second until I realized that I couldn't have been driving along if I didn't start my car. But I thought and thought and I still could not remember starting my car before driving. So it just goes to show you that just because you don't remember something doesn't mean that it never happened.

These are quotes about the many instruments, and I have added the instrument names!
Note: As much as I agree with many of these quotes, I have not handpicked them; they are from a book I have.

"The inimitable, charming sweet tone of the oboe."
-John Banister

"One should have an easy manner at the harpsichord and avoid either staring fixedly at any object, or looking too vague."
-Francois Couperin

"Gay bells or sad, they bring you memories of half-forgotten innocent old places."
-W.B. Yeats

"The viola is a philosopher, sad and helpful; always ready to come to the aid of others, but reluctant to call attention to himself."
-Albert Lavignac

"A guitar has moonlight in it."
-James M. Cain

"The tuba is certainly the most intestinal of instruments, the very lower bowl of music."
-Peter de Vries

"The many-keyed clarinet, which can sound so ghostly in the deep chalumeau register but higher up can gleam in silvery blossoming harmony."
-Thomas Mann

"The cello is like a beautiful woman who has not grown older but younger with time, more slender, more subtle and more graceful."
-Pablo Casals

"The quality of tone of the trumpet is noble and brilliant."
-Berlioz

"The saxaphone is the embodied spirit of beer."
-Arnold Bennett

"A composition without a bass would be full of confusion and dissonance."
-Gioseffo Zarlino

"His harp, the sole instument of his way."
-James Beattie

"The flute has now achieved such perfection and evenness of tone that no further improvement remains to be desired."
-Berlioz

"My feet were all right, but I could not manage the castanets."
-Mikhail Glinka

"When drums speak out, laws hold their tounges."
-Thomas Fuller

"The trombones are too sacred for frequent use."
-Mendelssohn

"The pianoforte is the most perfect of all musical instuments: its invention was to music what the invention of printing was to poetry."
-George Bernard Shaw

"The wedding guest here beat his breast, for he heard the loud bassoon."
-Samuel Taylor Coleridge

"The horn is perhaps the least efficient of all intruments in the brass family, but it produces the most beautiful tone."
-Barry Tuckwell

"When the organ joins the tuneful Qire, Th' Immortal Pow'rs incline their Ear."
-Alexander Pope

"The percussion acts as a central heating system."
-Stavinsky

"Did buy a recorder, which I do intend to learn to play on, the sound of it being, of all sounds in the world, most pleasing to me."
-Samuel Pepys

"The mark of a good sitar player is the ability to improvise extensively without abandoning the laid down set of rules defining the raag."
-Jameela Siddiqi

Sorry I missed one:
"The true mission of the violin is to imitate the accents of a human voice, a noble mission that has earned for the violin the glory of being called the king of instruments."
-Charles-Auguste De Beriot

This is probably going to be a long random post because I have a lot of time to do nothing since el flauto non practico. Or something.
And nobody wants to go to bed at 11:30 when they can sleep in as late as they want! Come on now!

So I've talked about listening to songs that make you really happy and remind you of good times, but today I pulled out an old CD that reminded me of being mad and misunderstood. Well, I think we all think we are misunderstood at some level and I think we all are misunderstood at some level but that's not the point.
Why are some people so mean sometimes? That's what I want to know. I like it when people like me. I am happy when others around me are happy. I would think that everyone likes when people like them (yeah), and everyone is happy when others around them are happy. So then why are some people just always...mean? That's not to say that I'm never mean and I always make people happy; no, no, I always try but sometimes moods etc. take over. But some people don't understand that life is a million times better when one is kind. How can you not have figured that out by now?

Also, how does one prevent being annoying? I know some people who are the sweetest people in the world but nobody really likes them a whole lot because they are annoying, either by talking too much, being clingy, talking about stupid things...Anyway, I classify myself as "annoying" but it's because I am annoying on purpose, not because it's part of my persona. At least I hope so.

Mr. Spinale says "The bottom line" a lot.

I have figured some things out about myself. I have been avoiding admitting these things to myself but I have finally done it and it's all downhill from here.

Now, downhill is getting easier, right? Because in every other sense, going down is a bad thing (You ascend up into heaven. A "higher" rank is better. You get the "highest" honor for something. When you are really happy and spaced out you are "high." ["You're bringin me down, man."]), but I guess when it comes to hills, it's easier to go down than up. I've always thought of "going downhill" as being the easy way out but not neccessarily the best way. I also think that "neccessarily" and "fareinheight" are two of the hardest words to spell ever and I prolly didn't even spell them correctly so get off my case man. So "going uphill" is getting harder, right?

I know it would be healing to share these things that I have discovered but I still have my STUPID walls that you STUPID guys created and my need to be different so I will not share.
There I just shared one.

Why the piccolo in Db? That's what I want to know. Why in the world did someone create a piccolo in Db?
And composers need to learn the range of the (C) piccolo. Seriously, guys, it's not the same as flute. So don't be writing any low Db's or C's or anything higher than high C. Though I can't fathom (haha fathom) why in the world someone would want to write something for piccolo that's higher than a C. Seriously. Or if I'm British, honestly.

Some composer's quote of first hearing the serpent:
"What the devil is that?"

Can you identify these well-known composers by their first name?
100 points to whoever can name them all; some even overlap.
Aram. Wolfgang. Gustav. Franz. Georg. Aaron. Samuel. Johannes. Georges. Robert. Richard. Bela. Claude. Ludwig. Antonio. William. Leonard. Domenico. Benjamin. Christoph. Dmitri. Joseph. Paul. Carl. Sergei. Hector. Igor. Felix. Francis. Frederic. Arnold. Charles. Percy. Modest. Alexander. Nikolay. Ralph. Peter. Erik. Bedrich. Maurice. Giacomo. Edward. Gabriel. Camille. Arthur. Jacques. Jean. Giuseppe. John.

Wow. Composers have funny names.

I got an audition invitaion from Cincinnati Conservatory!!!
Now all I need is one NEC and Juilliard and I'll be on my way to world domination.

There are certain times in my past that, whenever I think about them, I cannot help smiling about. My party yesterday is one of those times.

Things are just better when you're on vacation.

Wow! Thanks to all my fine guests, this year's Chirstmas party was a blast!
Also, everyone present helped clean up! Right on!
Thanks, my fine guests!

My mom is so awesome.
Two days ago, I had a lot to do the before Shannon's party, one of the activities being making cookies for my party (the next day). She saw that I was so busy, and wanting me to be able to go to the party and have fun, she offered to make the cookies for me. And she made all of them!
Then, she offered to go shopping for the fondue stuff, and she did that on her own.
Then the next day she woke up early in the morning, woke me up to go to the church, and made a lunch for me to eat while traveling from church to FSYO.
Then today at the party she went in her room and left the whole party alone, trusting me to have a party without parent supervision, and not ever complaining when things got too loud, even when people were screaming their brains out at 1:00 at night. Plus she has to wake up for work at like 6:00 this morning.
I didn't ask her to do any of this, she just did it on her own.
My mom is the best mom ever.

I told you I don't deserve my family.

And now it's a loong vacation of doing nothing (nothing haha yeah right). It may be my last lazy vacation ever, so I must enjoy it heartily.

It's getting better all the time!

SUGAR SUGAR HYPER SUGAR RUN SUGAR HYPER EXTREME SUGAR ENERGY HYPER MUST RUN SUGAR
zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

How lucky I am.
I do not deserve this family nor this life.
And yet I have them.
Thanks be to God.

Why?
A. Because I said so
B. Why not?
C. The world may never know
D. Because you are stupid and I am not
E. Because that's the way it has always been
F. Shut up
G. None of the above

I got accepted to FSU!
Wait a minute...
that was two months ago...
Ah well.
I am still accepted to FSU!

Ya know what? The postal sevice isn't very efficient. It takes weeks to get things mailed sometimes. You'd think that someone would have thought of a better way to deliver mail by now. But nobody has, and we are still using the same postal delivery service as we have since Mr. Franklin...or something like that. Well, at least we don't have taxes on the postal service. Yet.
And no, mr smarty pants, email is not an adequate alternative to letters. Dummy.

Somehow I took a three hour nap today. Don't ask me how that ended up happening. I think I might've been hungry and the low energy allowed me to sleep. When I finally woke up I felt like a zombie. Not that I know what a zombie feels like or anything.

I have a car and a liscence. How awesome is that?

We are playing folk festival by shostakovich in allcounty band! Yaaay!

Hot dog, bicycle, hot dog, bicycle
Bot dog, hicycle, bot dog, hicycle
Dot hog, bicycle, dot hog, bicycle

Man! Seriously!

I've got rhythm,
I've got music,
I've got...some other stuff
Who could ask for anything more?

At Interlochen the british crew would say "honestly" instead of my "seriously" and it's funny.

::does the moonwalk::
I can SO do the moonwalk

Much of my deep spiritual thinking is done when I'm taking a shower. Is that normal?

There's a fine line between showing off and practicing, and I haven't quite figured it out yet. Once I was in the warm-up room before a solo and ensemble and I was practicing a tough run from my piccolo solo. Some really cool guy next to me heard me playing and did the thing where you cough and say a word at the same time and he said "coughshowoff." I stopped playing and just looked at him, astounded that someone would have the nerve to actually do that to a stranger. He pretended that I hadn't heard him and he kept on talking to his buddy, but I was on the edge of giving him a good punch in the face. Really, I was. But I took too long to decide what to do about him so I ended up doing nothing. Oh well.
The question is, when is somebody showing off? I could be warming up by playing scales really fast, that is an accepted flute warm up (I do it all the time), is it showing off? No! To me, it's just warming up. But others may think different (differently?)
On the other hand, if people are gathered around me and I play something really awesome, is that showing off? Well, yeah, it kind of is. After all, I am playing something impressive to try to convince them of my awesomeness. But would they think I am showing off? Probably not, they think I am playing for them, not to improve their view of me, but to entertain them.
The moral of the story: You never know who is showing off and who isn't. So just shut your trap about it.
Kapeesh?

Yay tonight is another beating!

Ha ha ha ha ha haaaa..
I am at home now and you are at school!
you are at school!
Ha ha ha ha ha haaaa..

Hey today in first block I was really hyper. I mean, like sugar high hyper. And that is one of my quiet classes, I never say anything. Everyone thought I like took drugs or something this morning and I don't really know why I was hyper but I was and it was funny. I was talking really loud without really realizing it...yeah...

Anyway, I had something real to say but I lost it. Oh well.

I have a big family. And unless they somehow all die or disappear, I know I will always have someone to turn to. Today I didn't have to worry about having a loving family. The chances are in my favor that I will never have to worry about having a loving family. That's pretty dang special.

MY CHRISTMAS PARTY HAS BEEN CHANGED TO THIS SUNDAY AROUND 7:00.
Sorry about the whole asking off of work thing. I didn't know I was going to change it, but Erin can't go at all if it is on Monday. And we all definitely want Erin to be able to go, don't we?
If you can only go later, that's fine. It's probably going to last until the wee hours of the night anyway.

Me: Hmm maybe I should study for exams....naaah.
Brain: For once I agree with you. Now go practice.

Tonight I will dream about random things. Yes...lots and lots of random things.

Today I ate a Milky Way and it was really good. The thing about food is, something just doesn't taste as good if you eat it all the time. You get used to the taste...you even expect it after a while. For example, the only popcorn I eat at home is kettle corn. And now other popcorns just don't taste as good. It's sad.

I had a dream set at Interlochen last night. I'm starting to miss it a lot. The people and places now, not just the music.

But it's all good and I am happy.
Keep making me happy, life.
Life: If you insist
:)

Today the sunlight warmed me and gave me life and light. Today I did not have to worry about having the sun.

I have a good feeling. It's all warm and fuzzy inside. Everything was the same for a long time but now everything is changing. You say, "but everything is always changing!" Yes it is. To turn, turn wil be our delight, till by turning, turning we come round right.

Brain: Ashley! What are you doing? Tear down those walls!
Me: I...
Brain: You can't, right? Don't give me that bull. You've used that excuse for too long.
Me: It's so hard...
Brain: You are going to have to sooner or later. Or else you will be lonely like this for the rest of your life.
Me: I...don't know if I can yet. But I will try. It's been so long...

Haha at a cabin time at Interlochen we wrote letters to ourselves and our counselor planned to send them to us at Christmas. I got mine today and it's awesome. At one part I wrote "In your face, future Ashley!" I'm so silly. Silly billy.

Wow. Today was just...wow. Awesome.

Today was the most I have ever felt like I belonged to an orchestra. If that makes any sense. We sightread Beethoven 5 and it was just amazing. The piece is much harder than it sounds, and it takes loads of concentration. It was so inspiring to be sitting there playing such music with everbody. I felt like everbody there was there for me and I was there for all of them. We were all there for each other. We were a team, a unit. All of us were important. I can't describe it, it was just...wow. It strenthened my love of the orchestra. I love it. And I love you.

Too much..it's too much...IT'S TOO MUCH.

Monday Dec. 20 is going to be my Christmas party. So those of you who work, ASK OFF. And if they don't let you off, then destroy.
I am specifically speaking to Erin, Alyssa K, Albert, Natalia, Josh, and Asher. And any others who work that I don't know about. If you foos have to work during my Christmas party, I am going to be mad and maybe destroy. And you won't get a Christmas present. So there.

Today I made/am going to make lots of people happy. I practiced for a church cantata, wrapped gifts for free at Miracle City Mall, and I am going to march in the Titusville parade. Today I didn't have to look for ways to put my energy to good use. Thank you for these opportunities!

Shannon, I think you misinterpreted my last post. The general idea was that I want to/need to learn more about my own religion. I know what I can and cannot do regarding religions. Please don't be sad for me. I'm not sad for me.

The song "In the Tiki Room" can be a double tounging excersise if you use different vowels. For example, I could say "In the tuku tuku tuku tuku tuku room" instead of "in the tiki tiki tiki tiki tiki room." It's kind of like that apples and bananas song.
"Ypples and Bynynys"

Today I walked everwhere I went (except when I drove). I had the strength to walk many miles, to carry heavy loads, and even to walk up stairs. Today, I didn't have to worry about being able to walk.

Well, there was no mistaking the intention this time. But it's okay; no pain no gain. I am stronger than before.
There has to be a reason that I was born a Catholic. There is a reason. I am going to find it.
In the meantime, I will be looking forward to the celebration of the birth of the only person in my life: Jesus.

and stuff...

Music! Today I woke up to music! I created music! Music kept my spirits high! Today I am thankful for music!

Sometimes when I'm walking around school, say from zero to first block, I'll have to tell myself to slow down, because I am walking much too fast and I am not enjoying anything. And sometimes, say when I'm in class, I'll use some mad Alexander technique skills and tell myself to lengthen and widen, to release all tension and to not worry. I think everyone should know about Alexander technique. It really has changed my life.
It's funny that everyone I talked to who took Alexander technique at Cannon thought it was hokey but everyone I talked to who took it at Interlochen thought it was amazing. I, for my part, took it at Cannon and thought it was amazing.
If you don't know about it, it's basically being able to do normal everyday things-lifting a book, getting out of a chair, walking up the stairs-with more freedom and no tension. If you ever have the chance, learn about it. And take it seriously, because it's easy to laugh at but if you laugh it won't work right.

Fredrick Fenell died :(

I GOT THE CHIEFTAINS CHRISTMAS ALBUM!!!

Today when I went to the library, I had many choices of books I could've gotten. The PSJ library has hundereds of books, and I could've borrowed any of them. ANY of them. I have no restrictions on the books I borrow from the library: no restrictions by my parents, by the government, by the library itself, by my teachers, nothing. Today I didn't have to worry about my freedom in choosing what I read.

On that note, I went a little overboard this time and took out four books. Heh heh...

My social life this school year has been so...I don't know, nonexistant. To quote myself, "all I ever do is practice and play spider solitare." Except I have kicked the habit and now all I ever do is practice. But I really don't even practice that much, at least not at home. So I'm wondering what I do with my time. What do I do all the time that makes me so busy? It's not studying, that's for sure. I do work on college stuff a lot. I watch tv? No, that's not right. I don't watch that much tv. What do I do though?
Brain: You act stupid.
Me: Oh yeah I guess that's it.
So yeah, I'm still here. So are my little walls to leap over. But hey, it's all good. As someone once said, "Don't worry. Be happy." And you know that if you don't listen to someone, you're not going to listen to anyone.

Why do we say "samwich?" I mean, if we were to say the word incorrectly, we could at least use the letter that is already in the word and say "sanwich" instead. But no, we say "samwich." I never did quite understand how that came to be.
Furthermore, why does the word "sandwich" have the word "sand" in it? Do sandwiches have any roots in "sand?"
It boggles my mind.

Today I opened my closet and I saw about 50 different shirts I could choose to wear: any shape size or color. I could've chosen to wear shorts or pants, jeans or capris, jacket or sweater, sandals or sneakers, t-shirt or longsleeve. There are millions of different options. Today I didn't have to worry about having clothes to wear.

Well, I don't have anything intelligent to say today so I'll say this:
Ooga Booga Booga.
Or as Craig would say:
Uga Buga Buga

Brain: Ash you are really stupid.
Me: No you're really stupid.
Brain: I'm a brain! I can't be stupid.
Me: And yet somehow you still are
Brain: I am not stupid and that's the end of this conversation.
5 minute pause
Me: Brain, you're stupid.
Brain: Shut up
Me: I will not shut up.
Brain: Shut up
Me: Make me
Brain: I will kill you
Me: Ooh I'm scared
Brain: I can't believe I got stuck with you
Me: Tough luck, huh
Brain: You have no idea

Today I stood in the presence of four of my grandparents all at the same time. I could actually see the similarities between them and me. If I asked them, they would be able to tell me about the Depression, about past presidents, about WWII, and a number of other landmark time periods in history. They could tell me all about my family history. My grandma didn't speak anything but french until kindergarden. My grandpa had thirteen brothers and sisters (he was the baby). My other grandparents have a lot of German heritage. My point is, I am lucky. I have four grandparents, they are all alive and in excellent health, and they love me. I could learn so much from them. Today I am taking time out to be thankful for my grandparents.
------------------------------
Taped to the front door of a Bennigan's (sp?) restaurant I went to this weekend:
Due to the recent horrible quality of tomatos, Bennigans will not be serving them until further notice. Sorry. Happy Holidays.
-Management

Those must be some baaaaad tomatos.

Brain:
Ashley:
Love!
Talk!
Live!
Open up!
Don't worry!
Let go!
Enjoy!
Why is it so hard for you to open up?
Why is it so hard for you to speak your mind?
Why is it so hard for you to love?
Me: I don't know...

Today I talked to many people who cared about what I said. These people are my friends. Today I did not have to worry about having friends.

Prejudice. Labels. Stereotypes. These things judge a person before that person should be judged. Who are we to judge people? I can't judge you, you can't judge me. We don't know, we don't know, we don't know. There is so much that we don't know. How can we judge when we don't know so much? We can't judge. We cannot judge. We can't judge.
Readers, think very carefully about what you say, especially when passing judgement. You don't know when you will affect someone by your words in a way you never could've imagined. Just do me a favor and think.

PRISM

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

Oh yeah, and to the best of my knowledge, Catholicism is a Christian religion. Just so you know.

Today when I woke up I could see all the colors of the rainbow. I saw the sun rise, together with all its colorful splendor. I saw all the tiny details on our high-definition television. I saw everyone who I spoke to, I saw every place that I inhabited, I saw every path I walked on. Seeing today was as easy as lifting my eyelids. Today I didn't have to worry about being able to see.

On that note, I've been thinking, and I've concluded that Beth T. can see. She cannot see things with her eyes, but she can see. She sees in her mind. She sees things that we will never see. We all say "She doesn't know what it is to see" but she may say "none of you know what it is to not see." So stop laughing at her when she says she sees things. She may be blind, but she can still see.
--------------------------------
Mozart Concerto in G*
-movement 1 + cadenza
-movement 2 + cadenza
-movement 3 + cadenza
Muczynski Sonata*
-movement 1
-movement 2
-movement 3
-movement 4
Bach Sonata in E flat major*
-Allegro Moderato
-Siciliano
-Allegro
La Montaine Sonata
-movement 1
-movement 2
Reinecke Concerto
-movement 3
Piazzola Tango Etudes*
-no. 3
Mozart Rondo in D major
Vivaldi Concerto for piccolo in C major
-movement 3
Orchestral excerpts:*
-Beethoven Lenore Overture no. 3
-Brahms Symph. no. 4 mvt. 4
-Mendelssohn Scherzo (Midsummer Night's Dream)
-Ravel Daphnis and Chloe
Weekly Altes etude
Weekly Anderson Etude
Weekly Filas high register study
Work on tone, scale patterns and tounging:
-Moyse: De La Sonorite
-Taffanel/Gaubert
-Reichert
*Must be played memorized

This is what I practice in a typical week. All the pieces must be ready by the end of February. So don't be complaining to me that I practice too much. I don't practice nearly enough. Jerks.

Today I went to school for free. My teachers cared if I understood things. Today I did not have to worry about where my education came from.

NEW CDssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Bartok: Concerto for Orchestra, Hungarian Sketches, Muzac for Strings Percus Celesta (Chicago SYMPH)
-Barber Summer Music, Nielsen WW Quintet, Hindemith Octet
-Mendelssohn: Midsummer Night's Dream, Symph no. 3 (LSO)
-Berlioz: Symphony Fantastique (LSO)
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They make me happppyyyyy

Concert today. It's going to be...ummm...::cough cough::....good. Yeah...good...heh heh...

I just stumbled upon a livejournal that sounds exactly like me, all the things that I want to say but don't. Have you ever thought that maybe everyone feels and thinks the exact same thing but finds different words to express it?

Yay! Today I had the opportunity to celebrate my faith by going to church! I was allowed to practice the religion that I chose, myself, not chosen by anyone else! I was allowed to publicly declare my views on religion! I was not persecuted in any way by my choice of religion or the way that I practice it! Thank you, God, for allowing me such freedom! Thank you!

My church has taken a few hits since Father Murray left, but now it's back to where it used to be. I really love my church; when I went to church at Interlochen and Cannon (and, may I add, that I did not attend Catholic mass at Interlochen; I went to an Evangelist service), I was quite suprised at what I heard in the semons. Often I would ask myself, "What are they talking about? What relevance does this have to the gospel? What does this have to do with Jesus?" And I got to see really how lucky I was. The sermons at St. Teresas are so intensely focused on Jesus, I couldn't help but long for my church when I was at those places (even though our choir is less than medicore and our youth group is practically nonexistant). I'm so lucky to be able to freely hear what I hear and to do what I do. And so are you.

Gobble gobble.
I will not go to Disney World tomorrow
:(

Well, it looks like I am the sole survivor of blogger. But until blogger no longer exists, I will stay. I will not move to livejournal! Poo on you.

I found the perfect gift for someone and it makes me happy.

My hand has a cut in it, and I do not know where it came from.
Also, the veins on one hand pop out more than the veins on the other hand. Why is that?

The house is quiet right now. Too quiet. Oooh I can hear the train in the distance.
When I take bike rides on Sundays I can hear the church bells every hour. I love the church bells...they emit peace and tranquility.

So yeah, today was okay. I really need to practice more! Today I was like okay I am not going to do anything tonight so I can practice the rest of the night but then oh no I'm not practicing oh no I'm not even at home that's no good now I can't play flute anymore. Ah well, tomorrow's another day.
I hate when I'm like "over break I am going to sleep like nothing else and practice my brains out and finally finish my book" but in reality I've slept less then a regular school week, practiced only about an hour per day, and have read a grand total of three pages of my book. Plus I need to clean my room and the bathroom because they are yucko. But, like I said, tomorrow's another day. Or, for this post, today is another day. (on breaks I always post a day earlier than it says because I end up posting late at night--after midnight)

I do not understand many things.

Plan of world domination:
Today: Merritt Square Mall
Tomorrow: Disney World
The next day: The rest of the world

I like the pizza guy on plates. He's cool.

Gobble gobble!!

It feels good to hang out with friends again, just like the good old days when we were young and innocent. Oh how the times have changed.

I had a dream last night that I gave a guy my dad's mashed potatos to eat and the guy ate them and said that they "weren't that great." And I got mad because my dad's mashed potatos are the best. Ever.

IN OTHER NEWS
Sometimes I wonder if, when people are being mean, they realize that they are being mean. If you say something hurtful to somebody, are you doing it to actually hurt that person, or are you just being mean unconciously, like the meaness has been integrated into your character? As much as I don't like either option and I'd rather have nice happy flowers and bunnies all the time, nice isn't always the reality. People are mean sometimes, and, for my part, I'd like to think that when someone says something mean that they are saying it purposely. I pity him who is mean by nature, that would just be horrible.

When I was little, the dials and lights on the dashboard of cars fascinated me. I always wondered and asked what everything did, but sometimes my questions would be hard to answer because I had a big imagination (once I thought a light looked like two people dancing, and I asked, "what do the dancers do?"). Anyway, one time I asked what was the purpose of the green arrows that come on when one hits the turn signal. Of course, at that time, I knew nothing about turn signals or lights or traffic laws. So my parents told me, "they are to warn the other cars that you are turning." And so it made sense to me: the arrows indicated which way you would turn. But, I wondered, how do the other cars see the arrows inside our car? It was a mystery to me; I looked out the window and peered into other cars but couldn't catch a glimpse of their green arrows. Well, I thought, that doesn't make much sense. What good is it to warn someone when they can't even see it?
I was a very inquisitive child. I asked questions regarding just about everything.
And stuff

Sorry about that last post, my brain was being late at night again.

You may not hint,
you must not hint,
it says you musn't hint
in print
THE STORY OF MY LIFE
-----------------------
"Life is too short not to cherish everything."
Happy thanksgiving, friends. And don't forget the true meaning of this holiday...giving thanks. If anything, give thanks for Jesus. Give thanks for life. Give thanks for air. Give thanks for the sun.
Give thanks to God, for His mercy endures forever!

I heard this before from something, a priest's sermon I think, but I am going to paraphrase. If someone held you under water and wouldn't let you go for, say a minute, and you were on the breaking point of drowning, and then the person let you go and you breathed your first breath of air, what do you think you would be the most thankful for at that moment? Air, right? Life? Freedom? So why do people laugh when I say we should be thankful for these things? They are not a right to have, they are a privelage. They may be taken away. Do not take anything for granted, because you do not know if or when it may be taken away. Everything you have is a privelage. Did you make any of these things? No! You were made with nothing, you were given these things. So be thankful that you have them.

That's not to say that you shouldn't be thankful for other things. It seems that the more people have the less they realize their wealth. The standards begin to be higher, more isn't enough anymore. Well I know that I personally have a lot to be thankful for, possibly more than anyone I know, or maybe I just think that because I am me and not you. But still. Give thanks. You have a lot. For example, if you are reading this, then you probably have a computer. And you have been given the ability to read. And you have the leisure time to read it. Be thankful! Not everyone has these things.

I wrote a poem on the poem blog yesterday, I promise I did, it was about practicing, but when I told the poem to publish it didn't want to and it errored instead.

ALSO, I wrote an essay for the FSU Honors program and the topic was to write a page of your biography 25 years from now. Specifically, write page 147. It was crazy. I wrote about how my superior flute playing abilities charmed the nation and kept classical music afloat. It's a far stretch, I know, but why would you write a biography about someone unless they did something great?
So watch out for May 12, 2012, when I am to make my solo debut that starts everything, and also watch out someone named Ervin Scott, an oboe player bound to be my lifelong friend. Other than that, I know not the future. After all, I only wrote a page.

And stuff...

True story:
So I'm playing in orchestra today, minding my own business, when suddenly I taste blood in my mouth. I look down at my flute and my lip plate is red from blood. Not having any idea what is going on, I wipe my lip with my hand, wiping away more stains of red. At this point, someone next to me noticed and I turned to her and asked, "Is my lip bleeding?" and she said no. I wiped my mouth some more and all the blood was gone. I had no idea what was going on, where the blood came from, or how it got on my flute, because my lips are in the best condition that they've been in since my cold, and I didn't hit my mouth or anything. Nothing more happened the rest of the rehearsal.
I played my flute later in the day for about an hour and as I was ready to pack up, I noticed that there was blood on my lip plate. Again I wiped my mouth, but this time I found no red.
It really creeps me out that I have no idea where this blood is coming from, and why it is gone so quickly, and why it insists on getting on my flute. Maybe it's a sign.
And I am so not making this up. It really happened, I have witnesses.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Go here:
http://www.muffinfilms.com/
And make sure you go in order when watching them.

Man. Reading journals makes me really realize how out-of-touch I am with my friends. Erin, I haven't seriously talked to you for at least a month now; Rebecca, I haven't communicated with you since I was up there three weeks ago! Alyssa K, I don't think I've had a real conversation with you since I've been back from Interlochen!
I miss you guys, and I'm sorry. I'm a bad friend. I wasn't too hot of a friend before, but now...man. I need to change some things around here.
It's because I never go online anymore. I don't know why I stopped, I didn't even do it conciously (sp). Maybe I realized that talking online was taking up a vast majority of my time. I do have a lot more time now, I'll admit. But what about the friends? The friends!!
Sharko: I'm your friend now, Ashley

Schwindt:
"You should fear me the most because I smell bad."

Do you remember not too long ago when I posted about someone I met who lived in Norway and spoke Norweigan? Well, today I learned something even more suprising about one of my friends. I'll still say, no matter how well you know somebody there will always be more to learn. And you never know what that knowledge will be. This guy over here, he flies planes when nobody is looking. This one grew up in Africa. This other guy, yeah he is ambidextrous. And this girl? Her mom is a famous movie director. Ya never know what these people are hiding.

Allright, who spilled the...ketchup?

Okay so today was the AWESOME/EXTREME TRIP TO ORLANDO ADVENTURE. FSYO was rehearsing at a location in Orlando that I've never driven to alone before, and I wasn't quite sure how to get there. So I asked for directions AND I printed out directions from Mapquest PLUS I gave myself an hour and a half to get there. Then, even if I did get lost, I would be fine...right?
WRONG!

And I did indeed get lost. I was so close to getting there, too. I was on the right street! You may be thinking, if you made it to the right street, how can you have gotten lost? Well, streets aren't exactly straight in Orlando. And at the very last minute, I took a wrong turn at a fork in the road. Discovering that the street I was on was a one-way street and that I couldn't turn around, I tried my hardest to backtrack, but I ran into many other one-way streets as well as closed roads and railroad tracks. Suddenly, I was lost.

Have you ever been lost before? It's a horrible thing. You lose your senses. You "lose your mind" as Schwindt would call it. During the time I was lost, I broke many traffic laws including:
-running many stop signs
-going the wrong way on two different one-way streets
-cutting through parking lots and bus only lanes
-turning around and/or changing lanes at solid lines
-surfing red lights numerous times
-speeding (duh)
-running a red light. At a major intersection. I've never done this before in my life. I was stopped at a red light and there were many cars behind me. I was on the phone with my aunt, and she was giving me directions, saying "keep going straight." So what did I do? I shot forward, and before I even realized what I had done, the red light had been run, leaving the many fellow cars behind me, waiting for the light. Those guys behind me must've thought I was crazy or a felon or something. I told you, my mind was totally gone.

So anyway, back to my adventure. So I'm lost. For a while, I drive around, trying to find my way to the place, but, of course, with my infamous sense of direction, the mission could not be accomplished. I knew I was going to be late to rehearsal when 2:00 (beginning of rehearsal) passed. Things were getting serious. I started crying (yes crying), more out of frustration than out of fear. I WANTED TO FIND MY WAY! And those stupid one way streets and traffic lights wouldn't let me. I had to do something. My cellphone was broken, but luckily my mom had the sense to lend me hers before I left. Ya know, just in case.

So I pulled over and called my my mom, sobbing that "I don't know where I am." Hmmm, well that does a lot of good. I exited my car and read the street signs on the corner to her. My aunt, who lives in the Orlando area, recognized the streets and helped me find my way. (That's when I ran the red light. I still can't believe I did that.) Slowly the tears started to fade away and finally I made my way to the rehearsal hall. It took more than double the amount of time that it normally would take to get there, and I celebrated in joy when I reached my destination.

Luckily, there was a guest conductor this week, so I got to make a REALLY good first impression. I was still shaking and tense with a rather moist face while I took my flute out, and one of my comrades told me "Take it easy." Good advice, I thought. After all, it's over now.

Not the one to take chances, I followed good ol Asher on the way back. And for some reason he wouldn't let me pass him, which was annoyong because he was going 5 under the whole time (It's all good, Asher). But it's okay because I didn't get lost. Hehehe.

What's the moral of this story? Don't get lost, because it's a horrible experience.

And I filled my crying quota for this half of the year. I'm human, yay! Too bad you all missed it again :)

Medeival Times is the best.
If you didn't go, then you are stupid.
The black and white knight was clearly the best knight, seeing as he won the tournament, but noooooo the red and yellow knight has to get all the glory. He won by default only. I mean, seriously, he was the only one alive. What's up with that, man?

To the black and white knight: "You're the man now dawg"

Princess: "I'm the princess and I say stuff."

My EBLK theory is holding up very nicely. Never have I seen an experiment prove the theory false. It makes me sad because...it does.

I could spend hours reading my past posts in amazement (reading in amazement, not my past posts in amazement. That was clearly a misplaced modifier). Usually, they still fully apply to my current life. Sometimes I fall over when I read something and realize how well it applies to current life. This one was written about two years ago and it still happens:

Ya know, sometimes I'll be walking along, and I'll have a sudden wave of emotions and my brain will go: "I wish things would've worked out differently" and then it'll be like "but they didn't and you are so over it. That's life, honey. Don't take for granted what you have now, because someday that might not even be there." and I'll be like "Oh ok I guess brain knows best" and I'll be on my way.

I'm so glad I have been given such a blessed life. Thank you for that.

Have you guys ever seen Farenheight (spelled whatever) 911? It's crazy! And every time Texas is mentioned a banjo starts playing.

Has there ever been a time when you know you were being decieved or manipulated but you didn't know how? You knew that something was wrong but you didn't exactly know what? That something was missing or misleading but you couldn't pinpoint it? That's the worst. That's also when you stop listening.
Trust is a funny thing. It's easy to lie to someone; it's even easier to be lied to. What is keeping the world from lying, and where is the trust coming from? Why should I believe what anyone says? I don't have a reason to disbelieve anything you tell me, but I also do not have a reason to believe anything you tell me.
This post is getting much too dark, and I'm gonna stop now.

"It's people like you that keep my faith in society."

Today has been a very good day. I practiced throughout third block and I got to read my book for much of first and second block. I'm tellin ya, I'm never gonna finish reading that book. PLUS I did my civic duty by cleaning and organizing the library during fourth block. It's really not so bad...ok yeah it is. But what can ya do.

Hungarian Dances and Overture to Egmont yEuh
Should've known that Marosi would pick something hungarian

I have been thinking (always dangerous when this happens), if you really, truly trust in Jesus, is it really okay to be sad when "bad" things happen? I'm not talking about sins, just bad things that happen, in general, that you can't control. Anyway, nothing is a mistake, everything happens for a reason, shouldn't you be happy that you are following the chosen path of the Lord? Be thanking the Lord for the opportunity to do His will? It just seems odd to me that I should be angry or sad about something if it is God's will. Eh. Just a thought.

It's all a conspiracy.

"Believe me, you must conceal carefully whatever wounds you have. Silence is the last enjoyment of the unfortunate; let none know your grief; the curious would call up our tears, as insects suck the life-blood of a wounded deer."
-Alexandre Dumas, The Three Musketeers

Austin:
"So a lady comes up to me and says, 'What are the chances of me winning the lottery?' and I say, 'everything to the right of 26 standard deviations.'"

Today, I started yelling at someone and I couldn't stop. The words just kept coming out. She said something that I've been hearing a lot lately and it drives me absolutely insane. The hapless victim didn't realize that I wasn't going to stop, and she argued her point, over and over. And I kept yelling.
"I'm sorry, [person]. I shouldn't have blown up at you, especially over such a small comment. Will you forgive me?"
That's what I should say.

Everyone thinks I'm so mild-tempered, but
DON'T CROSS ME WHEN IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH. Please.
----------------------
How's this for a prediction: I will not make all-state but I will make first chair in band.

Remember, Ashley, there is a reason for everything.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh
shut up

The best part of today was in fourth block when I was straightening chairs and screaming the lyrics to "America" (West Side Story) in an obnoxious accented voice.
"Nobody knows in America
Puerto Rico's in America"

Or maybe it wasn't...

EGO ALERT STOP READING NOW
You know what I realized? In the past two weeks, I won a state-wide competition which awarded $500, was accepted to the FSU School of music with an $8,000 scholarship, and placed first chair in all-county. And who knows, in a few days more results for things will come out and with any luck it will may the most successful two weeks of my flute darn life.

Brain: Ash, you are really stupid
Me: Always there to keep me grounded, huh brain?
Brain: Shut up

And seriously...just...seriously....

Don't worry about that last post. Sometimes I write things late at night and I look back at them later and I say "whaaaat?" and I'm all confused because I don't how I managed to write or even think up that craziness. But you gotta admit, it's a nice idea.

I saw The Incredibles and it was...well...incredible. (You knew that was coming)

Time for some Myczynski!

It's just one of those things...
-----------------------------
I don't believe that any single person in the morld has one single soul mate. Do not misunderstand me on this point: I believe that soul mates exist. And people find soul mates and gain happiness for life. Just hear me out.
Think about the population of the world, and then think about the number of people you meet in your life. The numbers don't even compare! If every person had exactly one soul mate, then mates would barely be able to find one another! And what if, once a soul mate is found, (s)he spoke a different language, or engaged in activities which you renounce, or practiced a conflicting religion? You can come up with countless situations like these, and while love may be able to penetrate all situations, life for the couple's part may be extremely hard.

I believe, then, that any one individual can grow into a soul mate for any other individual. As we all know, every person on this Earth is different; every person is unique. Therefore, the interaction and relationship between any two individuals is going to be unique in itself. (Side note: just think, that means that your interaction with every person you know is truly unique, not only to that particular person, but also to every other person in the world! It makes your relationships feel a bit more special). And since every person is unique, no two people fit together perfectly at first meeting. You may argue this point wih me, but I believe it to be true. Love at first sight just doesn't cut it for me. To form a truly perfect relationship, compromises must be made: people must change and mold into a perfect fit.
Take one couple I know for example: when they met each other, one of the persons did not like to watch a certain sport while the other did. As time went by, the sport disliker changed to actually enjoy the sport which so encompassed the other's life. Of course, this is but a shallow example, but it is an example all the same.
So where was I? Oh yes, so people must change to complete the perfect relationship, and when the transformation is complete, there you finally have a soul mate. This theory opens up a whole new world of possibilities for soul mates: anyone can be a soul mate of anyone, no matter what the difference. All one requires is a willingness to change.

And that, my friends, is why I don't allow comments on my blog.

Yeah right!

I played Monopoly today and everyone had a monopoly or like 5 properties except for me. I only had my little oriental with its six dollar rent. Hang in there, Oriental!

ANYWAY
Remember, everything happens for a reason. Things seem much better when you realize that. Maybe in 25 years you will say "Man, I'm sure glad that happened to me back in the day" and you will discover the reason. But until then, you will just have to rely on faith: there is a reason.

IN OTHER NEWS
I'm happy because all-county likes me this year.

All-county: I like you, Ashley!

I recorded all my college auditions today.
All-county and all-state don't matter. If I have bad auditions for them (which I happened to have), nothing really happens except I won't go to all-county and all-state. Boo hoo.
College auditions, on the other hand, affect a lot for a long period of time. If I have bad auditions for college, my life for the next four years will be totally altered from what could be.
In conclusion, playing flute today was much more important than playing flute any other day of my life. Which isn't really true. My past life has led up to this day. Every time I played my flute, I have been preparing for this day. So theoretically, today is the least important day of my flute life. It's what I have done in the past that really matters. It just all happens to come together today and form into something society likes to call music. And that is what happened today.

Drop that long face!
Come on, have your fling!
Why keep nursing the blues?
If you want this whole world on a string,
Put on your dancing shoes-
stop wasting time.
Put on your dancing shoes-
Watch your spirits climb!

Shall we dance, or keep on moping?
Shall we dance, and walk on air?
Shall we give in to despair-
Or shall we dance with never a care?

Life is short; we're growing older,
Don't you be and also-ran
You'd better dance little lady!
Dance little man!
Dance whenever you can!

-Crazy for You
"Shall We Dance?"

Today I woke up and I said "Today is going to be a good day." And indeed, today has been a good day.
---------------------------------
Nobody is perfect. If you say to yourself, "That person is perfect!" then you are wrong. The only perfect person ever has been Jesus Christ, and while many of us are expecting His return, I don't personally believe that He inhabits earth at the moment. So no. That person is not perfect.
Just thought I'd share a bit of positive thought with you.

My all-county audition was bad :(

If I was in Sweden, would a swedish fish just be a fish?
If a swedish fish is a regular fish in sweden, I'm want to live there.
-------------------------------
The other day, I was talking to a relatively new aquaintance and he said that he wanted to go to college in Norway. I laughed because lots of people say to me that they want to live/go to college in Europe and I don't believe them. I asked him "Do you speak Norweigan?" and he said "Yes." And I said "No you don't" in unbelief and he started speaking in Norweigan. I jumped around crazily because that is just so awesome. I never ever would have guessed that he spoke Norweigan. I guess the moral of the story is that you never know what people could be hiding under their outward appearance, and there may be much more to someone than meets the eye.
-------------------------------
I play flute all my life and I admire great flute players. Most of us drive all our lives, we know how hard it is, why don't we admire great drivers? I mean, just the other day I saw someone pull into a parking spot, and the parking job was absolutely perfect. A 10 (Katie knows how my rating system is...it's like Mr. Jackson's grading system. Impossible to be perfect). Anyway, I commented on the beautiful parking job and my compainons thought me crazy. I mean, how crazy is it to admire something I do all my life?
For that matter, why don't we admire people with perfect posture? People who have beautiful handwriting? People who type really fast?
Eh.
-------------------------------
In other news, I'm in one of those moods that I am unhappy about something I said in the past because I said it on the spur of the moment and I was perhaps not thinking about what came out of my mouth. I can't change what I said, but it's still making me feel bad. Anyway. Don't worry about it, it's my deal.

IN OTHER NEWS
Allcounty is tonight, woo. I have to make orchestra this year, there's no choice anymore, because Dr. Marosi is conducting it. And there's just no beating the Marosi.
Hey Shannon and Will, remember the Titusville chapter of the Two Crew? That was the best.


Hey guess what MARCHING BAND IS OVER OVER OVER OVER DEAD GONE NONEXISTANT OVER WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
yEuh

Things I learned this past weekend:
1) Colleges will fight over me
2) High E's and F's are all for show
3) Everyone has stage fright-even Michel Debost, even Eva Amsler
4) Austrians are very good at playing jazz
5) You shouldn't judge a player by how he played two years ago
6) James Galway's friends call him Jimmy
7) The more I listen and learn about the flute, the more I want to play (practice)
8) Knowing a flute professor=money for college
9) It's all about the money
It's all about the music
It's all about the fun
10) Contemporary flute can be really really awesome
11) Charles Delaney is the man


In other news, some good stuff happened, I think.
I still need to practice. This is the point of no return: college tapes are scheduled to record on Thursday. I need to practice.

Ok right, ummm yeah.
So.

Brain: How's it going, Ashley?
Me: Shut up

Good thing the day before a competition I'm going to be hanging up uniforms for three hours and marching a stupid show for two and a half (instead of practicing of course).
Not that it matters.

Okay, so, ummm, what's homework, again?

Me: It's not election day.
Brain: Yes it is
Me: Shut up

Man oh man. I'm not going to wish for excitement, but man.

Tommy sounds kinda like tummy. And bottle sounds a lot like battle. And cake sounds like coke, and man sounds like mon and heaven sounds like haven. And stuff. Just in case you were wondering.

If you don't go to the wind ensemble concert tonight (perhaps to watch the election instead), you are dumb. Everyone knows that a high school band concert is much more important than a presidential election. I mean, seriously, you gotta put things in perspective here.

Oh yeah, one more thing: I learned in my lesson today that I don't know how to double tounge, for real this time. But there's good news too: I sure do know how to single tounge.

Costs for colleges:
FSU: $7,208
Other: $31,250
Other: $31,888
Other: $25,851
Other: $36,650

Not to mention that FSU tuition is already paid for in full in two different ways, not counting scholarships which are very possible in music and/or academics. Plus the flute teacher is awesome and it's close to home and I already know people there and I've been accepted to it.

Looking at this, it looks really really crazy for me to go to one of the others. But I have to try...

Whenever I pass someone I don't really know too well, or even when I just pass a stranger, I give them a little half-smile, as if to say "I want to be nice to you but I don't know you so I can't." Well you know what? This half-smile business is going to stop right now. I am going to start giving out real smiles, all the time. Nobody should recieve a half-smile just because I don't know him?


TIME TO TALK ABOUT MEEEE
Some good stuff has happened, I think.
I got accepted to FSU school and school of music (plus I'm meeting with the dean next week to talk about scholarships), my cold is almost completely gone, I'm competing for $500 this weekend, marching band is almost COMPLETELY OVER, and I was on the senior superlative nomination thingy twice (obviously my class doesn't know what I plan to do after college, because I have a smaller chance of succeeding than most people ever). Plus I just got pictures from Interlochen, homecoming, and festival.
After laboring for so long, it's all starting to pay off.
I'd say it's a good time.
Now if I could only memorize Hymn of Pan...

It's time to practice. I think.
Yes, it's time to practice.