We all seem to think that if only that one thing would happen, we could be happy. We are all waiting. If only college would start. If only summer would start. If only I got a boyfriend. If only that paper was done. If only I had another job. Etc.
Well I'm sorry guys, but waiting isn't going to get you anywhere. Even when that thing does happens, something else is going to be a problem. If you wait now, you'll be waiting forever. It's time to look the present in the face and tell it who's boss. You can be happy now. YOU CAN BE! Take charge! This is your life. Do what you need to do.

Today was/is a good day, everything except waking up. Oh yeah and fighting with my mom.

We played a concert alongside the members of the OPO. It was fun, and it was very cool to talk to Mr. Goldman (who has a gold flute wee hee!). He talked to me about colleges, orchestras, careers in music, conductors, and the like. Very interesting to hear it from someone who has been through everything I want to go through.

PLUS they gave us free lunch: salad, breadsticks, lasagna, and chocolate mints (oh yeah) from OLIVE GARDEN! YESSS!

Along with that, I had some quality time with my section, spread the legend of the PIT MONSTER, explored the Bob Carr center backstage, did a washing machine dance, waved to people on the other side, moonwalked, went to the bathroom five times, and generally acted silly. Like I said, it was a good day.

When I have a family of my own, I am not going to scream as loud as I can about everything. I am not going to blow up because my husband put the wrong color towels in the bathroom. I am not going to yell at my children so much that they start crying, and then not stop even when they are crying. Especially when they are 17 years old and never cry at anything. I am not going to think that yelling doesn't hurt people, because it does. I am not going to yell just because I can. I am not going to lose my temper over things that don't matter. I am not going to yell because I have to take 5 seconds out of my life to do something. I am going to keep my cool. I am going to remember what it feels like to be yelled at unceasingly, and the yearning to make it stop. To make it stop. Stop. And not being able to make it stop. I am going to remember coming home in a very cheerful mood and having it be ruined by a yelling tornado that destroys everything in its path, wanting so much to be happy but I just can't be because the yelling never stops. When I have a family of my own.
And I will never never never never marry someone who does not have these same goals in mind.

Go away, Thoughts, or I will be forced to kill you.
Why why why do you do this?

I just took the Ultimate Sightreading Test.
I've never played most of the music ever before,
and I sightread it all at tempo at performance
where it really matters if you mess up
because people will notice.

I think I passed the test.
Not with flying colors
not by any means
but I passed.

Brain: Go to sleep early!
Eyes: I can't stay open! HEELP!
Brain: Look what you are doing to your poor Eyes, jerk!
Me: Okay, okay, I'll do it, I'll do it. I am there.

then, secretly, as Ash is sleeping

Brain: You ready to roll, Dreams?
Dreams: Oh yeah. It's payback time.
Dreams puts forth the worst dreams ever in Ash's head.

My brain is a traitor to Dreams.

Headache: I'll be waiting when you wake up.

ZZZZZZZZZ

NO TIME

I wrote a really long post and then it decided not to work. Bleeh.

I didn't accomplish a single thing that I personally wanted to accomplish this weekend.
Oh well.

I think I may get fired from my Cracker Barrel tomorrow, partly due to their unwillingness to work with tough schedules, partly due to my tough schedule.
No problem here. More time for me. And if I stay then...that's fine too. Whatev.

"It's not dancing, it's...jive driving."

Come on and dance
Come on and dance
You may not get another chance

Eastman: waiting list

And so in conclusion, I will kill all flute players at FSU.
The end.

ALSO

Today we listened to an awesome recording in zero block. It was perfect. I still melt just thinking about it.

Random conversation of the day!
Me: [to Richard] You're not Mexican, are you?
Richard: No
Emily: Aren't you Puerto Rican?
we all laugh
Emily: What?
Shannon: He's not either
Emily: Then what are you, Italian?

...(I guess you had to be there.)

It's all in good humor.

Yesterday I heard a lesson that I really needed to hear, I think.

I mean, I am strong about what I want to do in life, but there are always those moments when I think to myself, "Ashley, what are you doing? You are so smart, you could make millions, you could bring the world some peace, you could be a doctor, a teacher, something useful, and yet you insist on playing that silly instrument."
But there really is no other choice because it is what I love and it is what I am meant to do. This is one of the prime decisions of my life, and yet it isn't even a decision. I know what I am supposed to do. And I will do it.

Thunder crashes
A car drives by
The clock strikes 6
The lights flicker
and it starts to rain

I am very angry right now.

-------------------------

Waiting list at NEC. Yay.

"And now I can listen to Elvis in peace."

Life is awesome.

Craig got me a tin whistle for me birthday!
Thanks, Craig, and thanks Rebecca also! You guys are great!

In a much different way than the past three years, this has been a very enjoyable spring break.

It's too ironic for me.

My senior recital is April 30 at 1:30 at IRC in Titusville.
ASK OFF OF WORK NOW.
THAT MEANS YOU.
I don't care who you are, I want you there.
If you are a stranger, I want you there.
So go.
Don't stop to think about it.
Just go.
I will appreciate it.

Seriously. I want you to go.

I just killed a big spider using the "I'm too scared to hit it, so I'll poison it with household cleaning supplies" method.
I suprised myself by how scared I was of that spider. I screamed every time it moved.
It's legs are still twitching, like it's been electricuted.
It's surrounded by a pool of windex and mildew remover.
And I'm too scared to do anything else to it except look at it.
Usually spiders don't bother me. But this one did.
It was evil.

What a good day! I've been in a great mood all day. Nobody is home, so I have freedom. FREEDOM!

I made an ultimate driving CD. It includes lots of energy filled songs, like "Walk like an Egyptian," "Walk this Way," "Jump," "Pinball Wizard," and so many others! I am so going to drive while listening to it. Yesss.

E. Amsler:
"I am glad, if you let me know, about your ideas."

Ms. Clew:
"The girls were attractive to varying degrees."

So awesome.

I like the feeling I get when I take all the misplaced items in my room and throw them all together in a little pile on my floor.

I live in Florida, and I haven't gone to the beach during spring break, and tomorrow is my last free day. I MUST GO.

When Irish Eyes Are Smiling

There's a tear in your eye and I'm wondering why
For it never should be there at all
With such power in your smile sure a stone you'd beguile
So never a teardrop should fall
When your sweet lilting laughter's like some fairy song
And your eyes sparkle bright as can be
You should laugh all the while and all other times smiles
So now smile a smile for me

I'm going to Mystery Dinner Theatre tonight and you aren't!

Last night, I had the most awesome dream ever. Seriously, this sounds like a story I'd make up. (I'm gonna make stuff up to fill in the holes):

It was set in medieval times (the time period, not the place). I was in a castle at a ball or something. And this one guy was my protector (he's a random person my dream made up). He was the protector of one of my beautiful friends too. Well after dancing a bit he seemed to fancy her a bit more, so he left me to be with her and I was all sad because I liked him but he liked her. So I sit on the couch-like apparatus and look all sad. Another guy runs up to me and informs me that I am needed to go on an urgent quest to save the queen.

So I, along with two knights (in shining armor may I add, if ya know what I mean) choose my weapons from a pile. I choose the first weapon I see, a long, shiny sword.

We begin our quest through a dark cave tunnel that looks mysterously like the tower of terror at MGM. Our first challengle arrives when a bad guy pops out from around a curve and we have to defeat or get past him. Well, the knights narrowly manage to escape, but I am left behind to deal with this guy by myself. And of course I slash him straight through with my sword, and we passed through the tunnel with no trouble.

After we exit the cave, we walk a bit until suddenly a huge dragon flies down and attacks us. This dragon is big, black, and mean lookin, and it doesn't breathe fire--it spits darts. Along with the claws, teeth, and other assorted weapons of destruction on this guy, he is a force to be reckoned with. And he seems to only want to kill me.

He spits his darts at me, and I manage to sidestep away. We all battle, the knights helping me as much as they can. I thought I was a goner when the dragon spit his darts at me, and I knew I wasn't going to get away in time; luckily, one of the knights jumped in front of me at the last second and used his shield to stop the darts (it was at that moment that I realized that a shield really would've helped me on this quest. I probably should have gotten one. Oops!).
The battle rages on. The dragon lunges towards me, and this time I know I am a goner. But yet again the dragon's plan is foiled; it turns out that both knights had been behind the dragon, holding him back by pulling his tail.
"Now is your chance!" they say, "Slash him!"
And I slash the poor creature again and again. Finally, it falls down with a heavy thump, and I knew we were victorious. And that I owed my life to those two knights, who put their life in danger to help save me.

Then I woke up. And I was mad because I wanted the dream to keep going. I wanted to finish the quest. Most of all, I wanted to be by those two knights once again. Now those are some real men, not the fake real-life cowards I see now.
And seriously, I was so HARD CORE in that dream. I killed a dragon and singlehandedly defeated a bad guy. I was even called on a quest because I was so awesome. Seriously.

When I picked up the phone to talk, I was in a good mood.
Gradually, that good mood soured through incessant commands and reminders throughout the conversation.
"Make sure you do this." "Did you do this?" "Do this now."
Actually, it wasn't even a conversation. The only words I said were "okay" and "yes."
And now I'm in a bad mood.

Cracker Barrel seems like it's going to be a good place to work. They don't rip off their employees, and they are legal in everything they do. They don't have very many stupid policies, and when you are working you get food for half price. Yay.

I am making a duet book because I know all the duets in my other book way too well. There are SO MANY duets on the sheetmusic CD. It's CRAZY!

Hmm, what should I do right now. Oh I have nothing to do I guess I'll just have to practice some more.

Cincinnati put me on their waiting list.

I'm 18, jerks.

Orientation for Cracker Barrel pt. 1 today. It was sweet. I got paid for sitting around, filling out forms, and eating samples of new food. And watching some dude from Astronaut get owned by a girl.

State solo and ensemble tomorrow. Luckily, I haven't had much time to practice my solos or rehearse with the ensemble in the last few weeks, so it should be good. Also, with my time change came a judge change: instead of playing for the flute prof. from UF, I'll be playing for Mr. Bishop, a saxaphone player. Yess!
I'm SO lucky!
(carrot lover)
Yup.

There is something else going on tomorrow, nothing you guys should bother yourselves about.

I TOTALLY bought the Uakti CD from flute world. Contrabass flute ahoy!

Yes, I am feeling immature tonight. I am a teenager after all.

Jesus Christ is risen today!

Today, I saw a firefly. It was flying around my car. Almost like it wanted to bring me love.

Many are called
Few are chosen

Tonight on my minidisc I recorded myself playing one part of a really awesome duet. Then I transferred the sound onto the computer so I could blast it out of the speakers. Then I played the other part along with it. I played a duet...with myself.

Advice to those who think that this idea is just so awesome that you just have to try it yourself:
1) Use a metrenome when recording
2) Count off when recording
-and-
3) When playing along, turn the volume up really loud or else the balance will be off

I know, I know, I'm more awesome than you, you don't have to tell me.

Dear Joachin Anderson,
I regret to inform you that etude number 4a in your book, 24 Etudes for the Flute, op. 15, is the worst etude I have ever played and that I hate it.
However, I like all your other etudes. 4a appears to be the black sheep of the family.
Sorry buddy.
With love,
Ashley

I got rejected at Juilliard.
What a surprise.

In the words of Monica:
Boys aren't zen.

Expression is relative. Let's say that a sextuplet (sixtuplet?) is written on a page, and a musician gives it an expressive ritardando and ends up playing the notes like they are sixteenths. Okay. That's expression.
Now let's say that in that same spot, the composer decided to write the notes as a sixteenth on the page. If the musician continued to play the notes as sixteenths, he would no longer be giving the music expression, he would just be playing the notes as they are written. Now, to give the music expression, the musician may have to give even more ritardando or something.
And that is why expression is relative.

One of the sounds I remember from the very earliest part of my life is the click of high heels on the floor. My mom used to wear high heels every day to work, and I never wore anything that made that kind of sound on the ground, so I ended up associating the click of heels with adults. Forever, the click of shoe heels will remind me of being an adult.

Today I woke up and my head hurt like so much. I didn't want to go to school but my mom made me.
And then I failed a test. I had to work SOOO late last night, I mean I didn't get home until, like 10. I don't know how everyone expects me to find time to study.
And then I got into a fight with my friend over her stupid crush.
And the guy I like ignored me. Oh woe is me.
And then I ate 12 candy bars and gained 10 pounds. I'm so fat.
And then I spilled my lunch all over myself.
And then my pants ripped during my presentation and all the stupid preps laughed at me. They are so immature and stupid.
And when I was walking to my car a bird used my head as target practice. Why do things like this always happen to me? Why am I the only unlucky person in the whole world?
And then my car wouldn't start. It had run out of gas, and since I used the last of my money up to get that $50 lipstick, I couldn't buy gas and a friend had to drive me home.
And then I came home saw that my parents found out about my secret. Why are they snooping around all the time? Why can't they just leave me alone?
Now I have to babysit my stupid sister. She is SO annoying.
I just don't care anymore. I am SO over everything.

SONG LYRIC
I love him
He is the best person ever
And he hates me
And I should kill everything
Especially his girlfriend
Ohhh
I wish he would pay attention to me
Ohhh
I am in agony
without him
I love him
Love love loove
Ohhh



(For those of you who didn't notice, none of this is true. It's me making fun of stuff. I know, I know, I'm mean. Deal with it.)

Would you rather eat a cookie or a hot dog?
Cookie

Me: Just shut up, brain. It's over.
Brain: Easier said than done

I want to meet myself. That would be cool.

I don't like when people are sad.

A lot of my old friends did really well at the state gymnastics competition! It was in the newspaper. Now they are going on to regionals, and who knows after that...

::knock knock::
Me: Hello?
Wagner: "I AM WAGNER"
::Wagner stays in house for the next two years::

I haven't been writing much because, well, not a lot has happened in the last few days for me.
The Kellys gave my parents this Jeopardy board game and we've played it every night since we've gotten it. My dad knows a lot more things than you'd think he would.
I also went shopping and found a prom dress. It's very nice, but I had my heart set on a cotton candy pink dress this year, which it is not. Oh well.
No Sarasota trip for FSYO :(

These nights that I spend with my parents...talking, playing games, watching tv or home videos, or just hanging out...I am going to miss these nights. I am going to miss having dinner with my parents every night, being able to talk about my day, every day. Getting opinions. Having them be proud of me when something goes well. I'm going to miss that.
I know that in college my parents will still be there for me. But I won't be there for them. It just won't be the same.

Today someone said something to me and then said the exact opposite thing to someone else. I know this because I was standing nearby when this person talked to the other person. In both cases, this person said these things to not do something this person was supposed to do. That is called lying. Lying to get your way.
This alarmed me. Does this person even know that he/she is lying to get his/her way?
Don't be a jerk, guys. Don't lie to get your way.






Let it be

"All piccolo players are arrogant"
I got indirectly owned today.

I think Charles Dickens is my first favorite author (I had not formerly identified one).

::World blows up::

Spring break is going to be okay, I guess.

I saw Zach today.

When I am by myself, I allow myself to appear sad. The only person it brings down is myself. When I am with people, I do not allow myself to appear sad. If I did, the sadness would consequently travel to others, and I would be the carrier. I don't want to be responsible for that, so I try my hardest to always be happy around people.
The end.

Today I ate a lunch consisting soley of sugar-based products.

"Don't leave the table until you gain ten pounds."

YESSSSSSSSSSSS

It was a good night; I am happy.

You wouldn't believe how many times per day the words "Don't be a jerk, Ashley" run through my head.
And every time I hear those words, I decide to not be a jerk. And it makes me happy. For a moment.

P.S. I just erased something I was going to write because my brain said, "Don't be a jerk, Ashley." Seriously.

My parents said that when they were in high school, everyone went to senior prom with a date or else they didn't go at all. People didn't go with friends back then. It's good that things have changed.

Are people good or evil? It is a question I have struggled with throughout my life. I have clean evidence for both sides (evidence based on life experience, understand, and through observation). I just don't know.

In my whole life, these are the accompanists I have played with:
Mr. Krienes
Dan K.
Mrs. Lowe's sister
Mrs. Aymond
Mrs. Clew
Linda Mark
weird guy at FSU
Thank you, accompanists! I appreciate you!

------------------------------------

Years ago, I used to think to myself, "I have the best life in the whole world" and truly believe it. This is true. I tried my very hardest to appreciate everything--everything!--that I could possibly be appreciative of. And I would pray to God every night, thanking him for these things, these blessings. Every night. This is true. And who is to say that I didn't have the best life in the world? I was happy, close to God, successful in everything that was important to me. In everything that mattered in my little sphere, I had the most.

Thinking about all that, I think, made me a much happier person, as well as helping me grow closer to God. It's amazing to realize what is in this world around you, what you have to be thankful for, it really is, and you'll discover this once you try.

However, I am now an adolescent, not as appreciative as I once was. It's funny because there are more Christians, more talk of religion and God and Jesus, more Bible reading in my life right now than there ever was before, and yet I feel like I am not as close to God as I could be. I feel that I need to bring back that child-like devotion and dependence. I once believed that if I didn't pray for something, then it wasn't going to happen. So I prayed a lot. For everything. For health, for success, for safety, for happiness. I prayed for it all. This is true.

Something is just missing right now. Yes, I have grown immensely in faith; yes I have learned a lot about Christianity; yes, I am perhaps more holy in my actions than before. But that child-like dependence is just...not what it used to be. And I miss it. I need it. I can't do anything by myself, and I want to realize that again. Everything I have has been given to me, and I want to realize it again. I have the best life in the world, I want to realize it again. I'm trying to struggle through life on my own, and we certainly know that just won't do. I need someone to lean on. And we all know who indeed that person is: Jesus Christ.

Simon: "In a competition full of hamburgers, you are a steak."

I have something to say to all you Copland-haters out there:

Give him a chance. Have you ever even tried to listen to or like Copland's work? It's actually quite pleasing. You cannot even dare to argue to me that his works are boring: full of color, sweet melodies, 4 part rounds, and tons of energy, his works are anything but boring. Why do you not like Copland, tell me? He's tonal and mature.

And hearing just one or two or his works doesn't cut it...by far. And playing just one or two of his works in a student orchestra is even worse. "I played Outdoor Overture and it sucked so I hate Copland." Come on guys! You have a brain! Use it! Give him a chance and listen to some of his other works. My favorite so far is from Billy the Kid. Try listening to that.
And yes, I do like Hoedown from Rodeo, because I feel that it has a lot of energy, and I do like Outdoor Overture, because it reminds me of when I played it at Cannon, and I do like Buckaroo Holiday from Rodeo, because I like it. But those aren't even his best works.

Appalacian Spring! One of the cornerstone pieces in orchestral literature! Have you ever even heard it? I don't mean have a conversation with someone while it's playing in the car..I mean have you actually sat down and listened to it? If you did, I bet you would like it.
And don't you dare complain to me that the shaker dance melody in it is overused. For one thing, he puts it in a new context so that it seems fresh again (in my opinion, it is the best use of that particular melody I have ever heard). For another thing, it's only like 5 minutes of a 36 minute piece. For another thing, it's a good melody; that's why lots of people use it. Lots of people use salt in cooking, would you say to me that salt is overused?

And please please don't use the excuse that Copland=Mr Ryon. That has got to be the worst excuse ever for not liking something. "Well Mr. Ryon likes Copland so that means I hate it!" Seriously.

Often when I'm listening to Copland (like right now), I say to myself, "How could someone not like this?" and then I think to myself, "they could not like it because they haven't given it a chance, that's how."

I just don't like when people judge things when they haven't even given them a chance. Open your minds, live a little, and you will find that you actually do like Copland and his works. Once you have tried to like him and you still don't, come back to me and tell me why. Maybe I'll be more understanding then. It just drives me crazy that such a great composer is so vastly underrated and underappreiciated.
Long live the work of Copland!

Tomorrow's propoganda lecture: Hovanhess!
Just kidding!

Isn't it lovely to have somewhere to call "home?"

Uneventful day, blah blah blah...
I am tired.
I wish college people were still here.

Schwindt: "Why does this section always fall apart?"
Me: "We would stay together if everyone followed me."

Eyes: We wanna be closed!
Brain: Quit your yappin, jerks

Prokofiev, you rock.
Prokofieff, you rock.

Really good conversation last night. Some interesting questions came up.

How do you make a really good, true, close friend? What are the ingredients?
Furthermore, how do you make a friend..period?
Why do certain people like certain types of music while others don't?
Which composers from our day are going to be remembered?
Are there really any musical genuises anymore?
Why do we always think the past is better than the present?
Why are things like playing with a slinky, twirling in a swivel chair, and smashing objects into little pieces so satisfying?
Why do we get attached to some posessions and not others?

There's nothing like a good conversation, I'll tell ya that.

I am quite sure that I am the worst basketball player in the entire world, and I would bet on that. Seriously.

I love you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHANNON!
I hope you had a fun SAT!

I was hired at Cracker Barrell.Or Barrel. Or Barell. Sort of.

Today I decided to not practice in second block. Instead, I sat and added random comments to the conversations going on in the office while simultaneously playing freecell. It was fun and relaxing.

It is not enough to just avoid sin. You have to live for God, live for Jesus, that is enough. Sometimes I find myself not doing anything technically called a sin, but I still find myself feeling like I could be living better. And that's why: I find myself, at these times, living for the world. Living for myself. Okay, okay, I'll admit, I find myself living for the world or myself a lot. It's something I need to work on. But I consider not living for God a sin in itself, is it not? Therefore, when one doesn't live for God, he is committing a sin anyway. So there you have it.
For example: I read a book. A novel. But what could I be reading instead? The Bible. I am not doing anything wrong, but it's still not enough. You guys probably think I'm crazy. But I know what I'm talking about.

Pray for Emily. Please.


Fish?

Dude, honey baked ham! Sweet!

Wow. I don't have much to say. This is so great, the whole having time thing. I forgot what it was like. I can actually choose the activity that I do right now. Who could ask for anything more?

Yesterday I forgot my lunch and so I bought a full lunch. I wasn't expecting anything too great, but I got a meatball sub, and it was delicious. Much better than my crummy sandwich (get it, crummy? Wakka wakka) would've been had I remembered my lunch. Just goes to show you that you can't always tell at first if an event is good or bad. I thought forgetting my lunch was a horrific, if not deadly, event. But I got a meatball sub and a sugar cookie out of it, and that isn't too bad at all.
Haha, horrific, if not deadly. I crack myself up.

This talk of food is making me hungry. Catch ya on the food side. I mean flip side.

People must think I like being hit in the head with random things. Or they must use it as a form of greeting. Because it sure happens a lot.

How about not being stupid, how's that for an idea?

Saturday I recieved a piece of mail both from NEC and from Cincinnati. But neither of them had anything to do with acceptance or rejection. The Cincinnati one wanted me to shadow or something and the NEC one was annoucing the new flute teacher for next year (priciple of BSO, man.) It's sad when you finally think you're getting an answer and then you are wrong. Ah well. There are worse things in life.

I applied to Cracker Barrel. And Staples. Hooray for money making devices.

Me: Relationships can hurt a lot, can't they, Brain?
Brain: Only if you let them.
Me: It's not a matter of letting something hurt. If I stab you with a knife, it's going to hurt. You can't control pain.
Brain: Not control; ignore. You can ignore the pain and pretend it's not there. That at least will hide you from the world.
Me: And live a life of agony. That's wonderful.
Brain: You really should be talking to Heart about this, you know.

When I want to be happy, I:
Play flute
Listen to Beethoven or Mozart or U2 or Irush
Dance around my room
Act stupid, maybe walk like a robot or like an Egyptian
Pray
Read a book
Watch home videos
Eat yummy food
Exercise
Talk to people who generally make me happy
Think of happy things, like bunnies and flowers and Interlochen
Pretend I am little again
Clean

It's not easy to do those things when you are currently unhappy. But they work.

I like laughing more than most things.

It's interesting how a normal conversation suddenly becomes a good conversation. I wish I could pinpoint the transformation sentence.

The most important people in my life aren't neccessarily the ones I have known the longest (besides the obvious: family, etc). What sets someone apart so that you cannot live without him (her)? I have thought about this. The answer is love. If you love someone, you will think about him even when he's not around. If you love someone, you will go insane having to live without him. It's not the amount of time spent together, not the amount of fun you have experienced around this person, not the quantity of laughter he has evoked, not the attraction of the person, none of these. It's the unexplanable quality of love. It's the love.

Listening to allcounty's Egmont Overture makes me very happy. It reminds me of Dr. Marosi. I love you, Dr. Marosi!

Nobody really wants to hear about New York, right?
Okay good.
Well, I will say one thing.
I had real New York pizza
and it rocked.

Why is scratching your head a symbol that you are confused? Is it supposed to mean that you are scratching your brain? If so, how would scratching your brain help you be less confused? Or maybe it's like massaging your head, and it relaxes you and helps you find an answer. But scratching isnt exactly the same as massaging. Or maybe it's a symbol. I don't know. Wow, my grammar has gone down the drain.

If I put my hand in hot water, I won't realize until a moment later that my hand hurts. At that point I will quickly withdraw from the heat, but as soon as I pull my hand away, the pain increases. It gets worse for what seems like eternity, until it becomes truly unbearable (depending on how hot the water was). It seems strange to me that the pain increases after my hand is ouside the water, or the source of pain. But it does.
The pain eventually goes away. The whole process occurs only for a second, maybe two, but it seems much longer when it happens. If the water is hot enough, it may leave a scar. I've heard that burn scars are the worst kind of scars to have. The skin doesn't grow back, and all painkillers just seep through. Nothing can help.
Don't get a burn scar, because it won't fade away like the others.
Don't put your hand in hot water.

BEACH

College people come home next week!

My auditions are all over!
I mean, it was fun and exciting but it was getting very tiresome. I actually think I made myself sick from staying up late every night to catch up on makeup work and waking up early to catch planes, etc.
I would definitely do it again, yes.
Now I have crossed off two colleges from the list, Juilliard because I'm not going to be accepted there, and NEC because we are not compatible (and I'm probably not going to get enough money to go there anyway).
That leaves three colleges left. Tied for first place are Eastman and Cincinnati Conservatory, and the most reasonable choice, FSU, is not far behind. All three schools are awesome, and I have incentive to go to FSU, as it is going to be more than free.


This week is almost as bad as the last few, which didn't just include the auditions but also solo and ensemble, several recordings to be made, a research paper, lessons, two colds, a scholarship competition, and, um, school. Did I go to school? I don't remember.

I will tell you about Juilliard and New York sometime, but I have a lesson right now so I must go.

I didn't get a callback :(

I'm just kidding, I really did get a callback! I'm going to Juilliard!!! WEEEEE!

I'm just kidding again. I really didn't get a callback. You silly geese.

MORE LATER (I'm still sick)

Well, I leave for New York tomorrow. The big apple. The city that never sleeps. The city of hope.
And Juilliard.
To audition at Juilliard, each flute player had to sumbit a tape with rigorous audition requirements on it. From those the audition committee prescreened down to 36 flute players, all of whom audition on Sunday the 27th in New York City. All those flute players then have to be available at the school until 9:00 that night for callbacks. My audition form pretty much makes it clear that if you don't get a callback, you are not getting accepted.
My mom keeps saying that it would be pretty depressing if I didn't get a callback.
I don't agree.

New York is going to be the best. I mean, come on, it's New York City!! My mom and I are staying with my Uncle Paul, who is really awesome. He has a parrot named Freddie and unique laugh. My uncle has the laugh, not the parrot.
We are also going to see the New York Phil. They are playing The Sorcerers Apprentice, a world premiere of an oboe concerto, and the whole of Scheherezade. It's going to be amazing. I just can't wait. I mean, how many times in your life will you be able to see the New York Philharmonic?

I hope nobody hates me or destroys my instrument. I've heard some horror stories, people destroying based on jealousy. I hope everyone plays fairly and the best musicians may win the spot(s). If I am not the most deserving musician/flute player, then I hope I don't make it in. If I am the most deserving, then I hope I do. I wouldn't want to cheat someone more deserving out of their place at Juilliard. Likewise, I wouldn't wanted to be cheated out of my rightful place.

I am developing a cold. I woke up today with a sore throat, and the coughing sneezing runny nose high temp low energy achiness has been endless today. I can take it though. I can take anything. Everything happens for a reason.

It's good that I couldn't practice much of third block today. I wouldn't want to tire myself out.

I don't think I'll go to Bible study today, as much as I would like to.

Bye everyone. I'll catch you on the flip side. The flip side being Juilliard. Pray for me if you want to. I'll need every bit of God I can get.

I conquered my fears for once and stayed up late (to study, mind you). I think it paid off on the test today, but I also think that I could've done a lot better.
And I realized again why I was so afraid of not getting enough sleep.

I like talking to Dan. He's not a jerk to me. That makes my life a lot easier.

The weather was beautiful today. Reminds me why those northerners envy Floridians.
The trees are a beautiful shade of green, also. I love color. Thank you for color.

Juilliard in a couple days.

I'm sorry that my posts have been so boring and self-centered lately. Oh wait..no I'm not.

Some people make me feel really special. Like three people maybe. And I bet they don't even know who they are.

To people who think Florida is Paridise:
"You still have to write research papers in Paridise."

"Beware of the viola, cello and trombone. These instruments are evil!"

NEC PART 2
My audition at NEC went okay. It was about the same as Eastman, 7/10 perhaps. It's just that the flute people were so businesslike that they didn't quite make you feel so good about your playing. Anyway, I've pretty much decided that I'm not going to go there, unless somehow I miraculously get a full scholarship. But it was a nice trip nonetheless.

I went to the Boston Symphony concert. They had a piano player that reminded me of a young Mr. Krienes. He moved and played like him: very energetic, very emotional, very involved. Every once in a while he would look out to the audience before he played and smile at them, like saying "Watch this, guys." You could tell that he just loved what he was doing: it showed on his face, the smile, in his movements. It was amazing to watch. He played a Mendelssohn piano concerto; it made me so happy to experience. I left for intermission with my heart fluttering, with a wide smile on my face, because what I just heard I enjoyed so very very much.
It reminded me of why I play music.

A few days later when my mom and I called a cab back to the airport, the guy driving was this really friendly guy with some kind of Irish accent. He asked us where we were going and when we said Florida, he said "I could drive you to Florida!" It was funny.

Millions of kids flood the airport. It's like a meeting of the kids, seriously. I like watching them, being all excited about going to disney world, donning their mickey mouse shirts and sometimes even mickey mouse ears. I see my past self in them: the innocence, the freedom, the happiness, the curiosity. I remember when I was little I wanted to be little forever. I didn't care about anything the adults did. I just cared about kids...ya know, having fun.

When my auditions are over I can have friends again? Maybe?

Boston was wonderful; NEC was less than wonderful. Baxtresser is not teaching there next year, I got a cold vibe from the school, they don't award full scholarships, outlook for NEC looks bleak. However, my trip was awesome.
The amazing thing about Boston to me is that it is so very clean. It's a beautiful city, and on Sunday night my mom and I spend a good couple hours walking around and exploring. The whole time we were walking, I saw one single piece of trash on the ground: a tissue, likely to have fallen from someone's pocket. How do they do it?
Also, there was a giant mall next to my hotel, and it had a church inside of it. Yes, a church, inside a mall, right next to a dunkin doughnuts. I went to church there; it was good. I like the random bursts of Latin incorporated into the mass.

It's so difficult traveling to so many awesome places at this time of year. It's the time of year when everything here starts to become dull, repetitive, annoying.
I go to Boston, Cincinnati, New York Rochester, visit relatives, see friends from Interlochen, watch BSO and NYP concerts, shop in exclusive stores, eat disgustingly delicious hotel food, play in the snow, everything is new! exciting! fun!
And then when I step back into my house...well, everything comes flooding back again. Same problems, same stress, same people. And I wake up the next morning and haul myself back to school and play in the same band I've played in for four years. It's just difficult, knowing how much else there is out there while I'm stuck here in my same old life, doing the same thing, day after day.
I wish I could turn that idea into something positive. But I don't know if I can, just because it is so true. Well, that and because I've stayed up way too late writing my research paper to be thinking positive.

Have a nice day.

I'll see you in Boston!

861 words tonight.
Oh yeah.

SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHH

UNRELATED
Because few people know and/or care how little time I have and how efficiently I use it, I will say this to myself because nobody else will:
Ashley, I don't know how you do it.
Congratulations on being so awesome.

I feel better now.

TONIGHT Melbourne lesson and Krienes rehearsal
TOMORROW Humanities quiz and essay makeup
FRIDAY Solo and Ensemble
WEEKEND Boston! NEC Audition! BSO!
MONDAY Research paper due (haven't started)
TUESDAY Recording for NFA Competition

Haven't cleaned my room or bathroom in about a month...
Haven't cleaned my car in about half a year...

Wow, it's a good thing we are not allowed to read textbooks during SSR. They're killin me here...

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"I can take it. I can take anything."

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IN MUSIC THEORY TODAY
I figured out Colin's phone number when he played it in scale degress on his tuba. I was proud of myself.

"Ashley can get a date with anyone"
I laughed at that.

Seriously.

I had an eye appointment today. I am not a candidate for contacts and probably never will be, so it looks like I'll be wearing glasses the rest of my life. The reason is because I'm not nearsighted or farsighted; I have a mild stigmatism. And apparently contacts aren't too great at correcting stigmitisms. Oh well. At least glasses make me look smart(er).
They put eyedrops in my eye again. I almost passed out again, but I didn't actually do it this time. The doctor said it was because I had a panic attack when he put the eyedrops in. I don't doubt it...I don't like the idea of having random fluids put in my eye by someone I just met 5 minutes ago. Even if he is a trained professional.

Anyway, Feb 15 was my lucky day up until last year. Good things have happened to me on Feb. 15. Unfortunately, I think my luck has run out. But it's okay. I've given up trying to make things work out in the field of love, at least until college. Until then, I will seek not happiness but sensibility.
And don't you dare pity me for it.

Waking up in the morning...
Mom: Happy Valentine's Day, Ashley!
Me: Happy Stupidtine's Day, Mom!

That pretty much sums up my whole day.

Love is for the weak.

I let so much go unspoken...

Life is good...

Cincinnati was pretty dang cool. My flights went well again, and for that I am thankful. My mom and I got a rental car, and we were driving on a hill when I got my first glimpse of the city; my jaw literally dropped. Cincinnati is beautiful. Every corner is another cathedral reaching the sky, or high school build like a castle, or hotel imitating a manson. My hotel was called "Vernon Manor" and it was so awesome. The room was huge. I could've done gymnastics in it.

The College-Conservatory of Music (CCM) at the University of Cincinnati is pretty dang awesome. The practice rooms have the best acoustics in the world. Apparently they used to be dorm rooms until they were renovated not too long ago...all that meaning that each practice room has a double bay window overlooking the CCM couryard. And vaulted ceilings. And enough room for a cello choir. And a million of other surprises.

What was my impression of the campus itself, you ask? It was big. Very big. It was kind of cool looking, but, as I remarked to my mom, looks don't make a difference. Nice architechture, whatever, I don't care. The student union was awesome though. A million different places to eat.

It was so different from Eastman. Eastman is this tiny school, about 400 (I might just be making that number up) students in the whole school. It is only music, and it's located in a relatively small, industrial city. Cincinnati, on the other hand is a state university with millions of people (well maybe not that many) and all areas. It's in a bustling city with culture and sports and...people. They are just so different.

So how was my audition? I was right when I said my audition was going to be even better than Eastmans. I couldn't have hoped for a better audition than I had here. 9/10. They video recorded my audition, which was a little intimidating, but I played the majority of my stuff memorized, and I tried to smile as much as possible. It was good; I made maybe one or two mistakes the whole audition. But again, they asked for the easy stuff. I LEARNED THE WHOLE MUCZYNSKI SONATA AND THEY DIDN'T ASK FOR ANY OF IT. That bothered me just a little. But if they want to ask for the slow stuff, they can go right ahead. I ain't afraid of a little expression.
The flute teacher seems nice, but it's hard to judge someone when you first meet him. But I've heard from some pretty reliable sources that he's a great person and great teacher, so I'll just have to take their words for it. I'm slightly worried that though he may be a great teacher, he may not be the BEST teacher for me, ya know? Oh well.

I saw Liz! From my cabin at Interlochen! I hung around with her all day both on audition day and Cincinnatus day. She plays horn (like a beast) and we were pretty dang good friends at Interlochen. Man, if I think I am happy seeing someone I recognize from Interlochen, I know now how insanely happy I am to see someone from my cabin at Interlochen. I was HAPPY. It was totally awesome. And of course our moms hit it off as well.

I would tell you about the Cincinnatus but I really don't feel like it. All I'm gonna say is that I performed at a rather moderate level so I'm not expecting anything great.

It was somewhat cold most of the time and then at the end of the trip it got nice. There was no snow, although it did flurry one morning. I said, if it's gonna be cold, you might as well have snow. Snow is the best.
Everyone who lives up north hates where they live. They hear that I live in Florida and ask in astonishment why I would want to go to college in Ohio. Florida needs to have a conservatory.

Cincinnati had about 20 chili places, restaurants that only serve chili. What's up with all the chili?

It's funny that when I go on these trips I think about life back home and I don't care about anything. I really don't.
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The train is leaving the station.

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"I have a better chance with her than you do."

Today on the way home from school I was speeding along in the left lane when I noticed that a car was tailgating me, so I moved over to the right lane. Of course, as soon as I switch lanes I notice that right in front of me in the right lane is one of those cars that drives 10 under, so I attempt to switch back to the left lane really fast. I ended up cutting off the car that was tailgating me (keep in mind that when this car was tailgating I was going ten over).
So I pass Mr. 10 Under and go back to the right lane to let Mr. Tailgater by. Well, it turns out that Mr. Tailgater was a car full of punk boys. They all opened their windows and gave me the "I'm really happy with you!" hand signal when they passed me. So I gave them the tourist face and a thumbs-up. I felt so loved.

It's strange that I've been so happy these last few days. Not depressed in the least. I wouldn't expect it. I'm not complaining or anything (NO! I DON'T WANT TO BE HAPPY!) but it's not what I would've guessed I would feel, judging from the past.

I am giving up self-pity for Lent.

Tomorrow I'm leaving for Cincinnati! I'm auditioning for the Cincinnati Conservatory on Friday and competing in the Cincinnatus scholarsip competition on Saturday. I'm excited to see what CCM is all about. My teacher says that Cincinnati is the school that is "putting out all the good flutists" nowadays.
I know that this trip is not going to be as awesome as Rochester because a) My family is not there, b) Chefs is not there, and c) I won't get the hardcore t.v. watching that I did on the Jet Blue flights. But my audition will be even better! Wish me luck, guys!

Today was a very good day and I was extremely happy at times, so that tells me (and you) that I'm going to be fine.

Music theory is so awesome. I like to compare it to calculus: people say it's hard, but I actually get it. It's one of the few things in this world that I actually understand (so far), and therefore, I like it.

Today music theory was awesome. I can't remember the last time I have laughed that hard. Possibly last year when we were reading Hayakawa and I saw that drawing in the book. Mr. Schwindt sure is a funny guy when he wants to be, I'll tell ya that.
We went over some homework and acted like elementary/middle schoolers because everytime we would get something right, we would say "YESSS!!!" It was awesome.

Yesterday I talked to my mom about some of my feelings (I had feelings yesterday). It felt good to tell someone about stuff. Someone who actually cares and actually listens. I don't know why it feels better after you tell someone something, but it does. I'm glad there's someone left in this world that I can open up to.

On Feb. 27, I could:
a. Play at a BSYO concert
b. Sing the national anthem at a basketball game televised on ESPN
c. Audition at Juilliard
....hmmm....which one should I choose?

Good thing that didn't happen to me.

UNRELATED!
A boy told me he loved me today.
Really. He did.

I am going to Juilliard in two weeks. And you are not.

I really need to get out of this place.

Some things are just out of our control. We seem to think that if we wait and if we hope, we deserve to have whatever we want. But God has plans that we know nothing about. And who are we to argue that our plan is right and God's plan is wrong? We can't argue.
Some things are meant to be, and some things aren't meant to be. The least we can do is accept that.

I gotta get out of this place.

I certainly could not have asked for a better trip than that.
Everything at Rochester just sort of fell into place. Both the flights to and fro were actually EARLY from the scheduled times.

I visited my family a lot, including two cousins I haven't seen for 6 or 7 years, my aunt Karlene and Uncle Larry, and another cousin. I also saw for the first time my cousin's baby, Elizabeth. I can't get over how totally adorable she is! "Weeee!" is her favorite thing to say. My love for her tells me how much I really do like kids and how much I want them if/when I get married.

Eastman School of Music looks totally awesome. Everyone there seems so happy and friendly, and the atmosphere is very non-competative (wind players do not audition for the large ensembles, they actually rotate parts and ensembles, which I think is awesome.) The theatre there is absolutely breathtaking, I mean, this place is BEAUTIFUL. The dorm building looks very comfortable, everything has an old easygoing style.

I talked to Helen, a flute player I know because we had the same teacher back in the day. She is a freshman at Eastman, and she has a lot of good to say about the flute instructor. She loves the school but not neccessarily the city. It was nice talking to her, getting the inside scoop, seeing her again.

My audition went pretty well. I said it could've been a little better and it could've been a lot worse. 7/10 on the audition scale, which is decent. Eastman obviously is a hard school to get into (I think they are only taking 3 flutes this year), but I am fairly sure that I did well enough to at least make it to the waiting list. We'll see though.

Out of 4 flute players I met who were auditioning there, I knew 3 from Interlochen. Including me, there were 4 flutes from last year's camp there, and that's just one audition day out of maybe 10! And that doesn't even include the regional auditions and the taped auditions that are sent in. Interlochen is craziness.

I WENT TO CHEFS. And again, it exceeded my expectations. Chefs is the only restaurant that consistantly lives up to my expectations. Maybe it's because I go there about once every six years.

SNOW! I saw snow! I touched it! I saw icicles hanging off of buildings! I wore gloves! My face felt wintery fresh when I stepped outside! I slid on the ice on the ground! I heard the crunch under my feet when I stepped in the snow! I was there when it was snowing! I could see my breath so clearly that I could track where every particle was! None of the trees had leaves on them!
I really didn't think snow would be so exciting and so foriegn. But it was! It was just amazing! I actually had my mom take a picture of me in front of a mound of snow, with me holding a snowball. Someody drove by when we were doing that and laughed out the window. I really wished I could've stayed there longer to see more snow. It was awesome. I couldn't stop looking at it. I reminded myself of Inga, the girl at Interlochen who had never been in a thunderstorm. I feel like shouting to the world...I WAS IN SNOW!
My mom didn't appreciate the weather quite as much. She must've said "I hate this northern weather" about 20 times when we were there, and she cursed about every 10 seconds when she was driving in the snow. Ah well. I guess that's why I live in Florida.

Overall, it was a very very pleasant trip. It confirmed my view of Eastman as a definite possible college choice, and I got to see my family, eat Chefs spaghetti parmesan, and see snow! And on top of all that, we flew Jet Blue flights both ways (in case you didn't know, Jet Blue planes have a mini television in front of every seat), so I had about 10 hours of hardcore t.v watching forced into my schedule. What an awesome trip.

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I have a funny story. My mom and I were at the Rochester airport and we wanted to get something to eat and we decided on Subway. The Subway at the airport was this little stand, about as big as those little watch stands in the mall. Anyway, there was only one single person working there, and my mom and I walked over to the counter. When we got there, the girl who worked there was on the phone. She talk for maybe two minutes before saying "I have some customers, so bye."
She then got ready to take our orders, and my mom got out the words "I'll have a six-inch" before the girl picked up the phone again. She started talking ("Look, it's four o'clock, so you need to send someone up here to work") and did so for another two minutes before turning to us and asking, while still on the phone, "what kind of sandwich do ya want?" My mom said she would like six inch honey oat bread. The girl walked over to the bread and asked in an angry tone, "What kind of bread do ya want?!?" My mom said in a very loudly "HONEY OAT."
The girl went crazy!
"You don't have to get all smart with me, because I don't have to serve you, do you know that?" My mom did exactly what I would've done by quickly and silently making an exit. I followed closely, trying to hold back my laughter.
We marched across the hall to the convienience store and my mom asked the unusually attractive store clerk if he knew where the manager for the Subway was. He didn't seem to understand, "The manager...isn't here..." My mom went on and on to him about how it was "ridiculous how rude she was," etc. I tried to give him the "I have nothing to do with this" kind of look, but I'm not sure that he caught it.
In the end we ate at McDonalds, and it was good. I just wish someone else was there with me at Subway so we could make fun of it together.

END

I was supposed to have two lessons this week, but they both ended up being cancelled.
Ah well.
If there's one thing I've learned in this crazy life, it's that things tend to work out. So there's no sense in worrying.

Wellp, tomorrow I leave for the first of the big auditions, the Eastman school of music in Rochester. This school is mere hours away from where I lived the first seven years of my life. It would be kinda funny if I ended up going there, ya know? It's like going back to the beginning.
I'm thinking this trip is going to be one of the most fun of the four (though I'm expecting to have a certain amount of thorough fun on all the trips), seeing as Helen is going to show me around, I'll get to meet and audition for the legendary Bonita Boyd, I might get to see some NY branch Stahls, and I might even get to go to Chefs! Right on! In any case, my ear is feeling better so hopefully the plane ride will go smoothly.
Peace out, and wish me luck!

I've thought about something and this is what I have concluded:

-One time I asked Mr. Schwindt whether he liked Teddy Ghrams or Goldfish better. He said that he liked both; if he hadn't had goldfish in a while he would want those more, but if he hasn't had Teddy Ghrams in a while he would want those more. He said that if he had just eaten a million goldfish, he would want teddy grams more, and vice versa.
-I switch the music in my CD player at home and in my car A LOT. I change it practically every day. But somehow, I sometimes manage to not listen to a certain type of music for a long period of time. If I don't listen to some, say, Celtic music for a while, I start to want to listen to Celtic music. On the other hand, if I listen to only Celtic music for a while, I will want to listen to something else.
-When I hang out with friends a lot, I start to get annnoyed with the little habits and flaws in character. I have been around them TOO MUCH and now I want to hang out with someone else. But, if I don't hang out with my friends for a while, I start to miss them and want to hang out again.

We can't have the same thing for a long time.
It bores us.
But if we once liked something and we haven't had it for a while, we want it again.

That is the answer.

Eastman audition in two days!
I really really really really hope that this ear infection goes away before I enter an airplane. If it doesn't, who knows what could happen. Come on, antibiotics. Give me all you've got!

Today I was driving and a car passed me, speeding a lot. Suddenly we drove by a speed limit sign which increased the speed by 15 miles per hour. Obviously, the car didn't see the sign because it stayed at the same speed, and by accelerating, I ended up passing the car which sped past me before. The driver thought he was still madly speeding but in reality he was falling farther and farther behind.

It's tough when you have so much to do, and yet...all you want to do is sleep and rest. Because you are sick, and the sick ought to have the right to rest. But really they don't, not in this world.

Pressing the shift key 5 times activates stickykeys. I just discovered that 5 second ago.

Me: Be merciful, essay makeup!
Essay makeup: NO

Also, I think I am slowly working my way out of pretty much everyone's life. I realized today that I don't have any friends that I see anymore who I would be willing to tell things to. Not just talk to, but TALK to. If you know what I mean.
It's a COLD CRUEL WORLD out there.

ANYWAY
You're my cup of coffee.
I mean tea.

I haven't disowned blogger, I've just been busy.
And sick.

I just read something that probably would've made me really sad if it wasn't midnight and I've had no sleep over the past few days. Now it's just like "...so?"

I HAVE LINDA MARK'S PHONE NUMBER.
Yesterday was one of the best days ever. I felt like I won the young artist competition again.
I love flute conventions. They are like family reunions for flute players.

The adventures of Dr. Greenwood conversation:

Greenwood walks by me and looks at the music on my stand
Greenwood: Those are some pretty high notes
Me: Yup
Greenwood: Do you guys know the fingerings to those?
Me: .....yes
Greenwood: That's good....because I don't.

After the concert
Greenwood: I thought you were twelve years old.
Me: ...no...I'm seventeen
Greenwood: I bet you get that a lot, huh?
Me: No, actually I don't.

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Dr. Marosi: That was just very good!

Have you ever thought to yourself, "Man everyone is changing. I'm the only one who has stayed the same."?
And then you realized that of course you are changing too, or have changed, you just can't tell a difference because it's you!

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Man, Penelope waited for ten long years for her husband to come home. Can you imagine waiting for ten years? Every day waiting, every day hopeful. Every day of those ten years that he did not return must have been agony for her. I can imagine...

And yet she waited. She knew that there was little hope. She knew that she was probably going to have to marry someone else eventually. But she still fought. She fought and never gave up hope, even when hope was nearly gone.
And what happened? Her husband came home! What great joy she must've felt when, after waiting and hoping for ten years, her waiting and hoping finally had a purpose. What a true love that woman had. Ten years of waiting, ten years of being told she was wrong, ten years of doing everything she could to keep hope alive.

Do you ever think about something and you really care about it but then later you think about it again and you ask yourself, "Why did I care so much?" because you now think that it's stupid and doesn't matter.
That happens to me a lot when I look back onto the times of PMS.

Beth: "Steve, are you hard to understand?"
Steve: "Taters"

For me, this weekend was just sort of an explosion of everything. It gave me a lot to think about, and a lot to learn, and a lot to pray for.

Have you ever felt like the whole world was against you?

1. What do you think of smarterchild? He actually shuts up when I tell him to, so he's cool in that aspect; otherwise, he's dumb
2. Do you plan to someday take over the world? If so, what is your plan for world domination? Yes, but no definite plan yet
3. What is your favorite instrument? I'd have to go with the flute
4. What are more awesome, pirates or ninjas? ninjas
5. What is the Internet site that you frequent the most often? livejournal and blogger
6. Have you ever worn an outfit of all yellow? Can't say I have
7. What do you want? An end to all football parties and a hug
8. Do you have friends? no
9. What is the best name for a solo piccolo CD? Piccolo in your ear
10. What should I do for solo and ensemble, Ibert or Muczynski? Better go with Muczynski
11. Do you like dogs? yes, if they do not bite me
12. Do you think you are more awesome than me? probably
13. If you were the inventor of one present day object, what would you have wanted to invent? The electric toothbrush
14. What is the most important thing to you? Being selfish and conceited
15. What is your favorite Lord of the Rings character? Frodo
16. Why did you leave blogger? I didn't
17. Do you like to dance? yes
18. What do you want people to do when you cry? I don't know
19. If you were to meet one person alive today, who would it be? Emmanuel Pahud if he somehow learned to speak english, otherwise, maybe the president or something. I don't know.
20. Ireland or Scotland? Ireland, DUH
21. Copeland or Grainger? Copland
22. Holst or Hindemith? Hindemith
23. Bach or Beethoven? Beethoven
24. Are you a nerd? I spose so
25. What would you do if I punched you? Laugh
26. Have you ever had a pet ladybug? yes
27. Do you like the beach? yes, it's one of my favorite places
28. What is your mission? To seek the holy grail
29. Fill in the blanks: ____ music is for ____. New age music is for weirdos
30. What is the best thing ever? Playing Beethoven with Dr. Marosi conducting
31. Where does your loyalty lie: with your friends or with your signifigant other? Haha, loyalty
32. What should the next question be? Shut up?
33. What if the sky was purple instead of blue? Then the world would blow up
34. What is that thing over there? A figment of your imagination
35. What do you think of when I say "driving range?" A certain humorous episode in "Ash's Life"
36. Who is the mole? You
37. Do you know the muffin man? I do not have that pleasure
38. How important is money to you? Well, I don't know. It buys me stuff that helps me to live, such as:
food
water
clothing
shelter
and other various good and services
39. Why is everyone so dumb? Because they don't know the secret code
40. What exactly are "cooties?" A disease that you catch from the opposite sex. It's a mysterious disease, and very harmful.
41. Who are you, really? I'm a sinner
42. You're joking, right? Yeah right!
43. What is your favorite brand of ketchup? HEINZ
44. Would you rather live in a jungle or a boat? Jungle
45. What do you think of love? Love is for the weak
46. Which is better, the eastern or western hemisphere? They're both cool
47. Chips Ahoy, Keebler, or Publix brand cookies? Keebler..elves...
48. What is your favorite way to say goodbye? wave really fast
49. Are you a jerk? I have been a jerk before, yes
50. What is your favorite word? shindig
52. What are your thoughts about the president of the U.S? I think if he wasn't the president I would think he was really dumb
53. Can you read music? yes
54. Who is your favorite author? I like to read around, so I don't think I've read more than one thing by any one author. That's probably not true, but I still can't answer this question fully.
55. What is your favorite picture of you? I call it "kid in a candy store"
56. Is there any show or movie that you would watch for 24 hours straight if given the opportunity? LOTR
57. What does everyone mean by "insanity?" Crazy
58. Which one of these cities is the best: Cincinnati, New York, Tallahassee, Rodchester, Boston? I don't know, you tell me
59. Do you know who Emmanuel Pahud is? If so, who is he? He's only the best flute player in the world, DUH
60. What is the worst thing in the world? When you know you're right and yet nobody believes you
61. If I was meeting you for the first time, what would I notice about you right at the beginning? You would notice that I am very stupid
62. Do you like Robin Williams better as an actor or comedian? Comedian
63. How many cats do you want when you get older? Cats! A lot.
64. Are you fully grown yet? Yes, I think so.
65. Who cares? The Care Bears.
66. What do you do when you want to spend time with yourself? Ride my bike
67. Who would you vote off your family island? I would have to go with uncle mark
68. If you were to live in any time period, what would it be? the good old days
69. Does it bother you that I ended on an odd number? no

Well, I did have a lot of things to say but I forgot all of them.

In the last three days, I took my flute to the repair shop three times. The first time was because I picked my flute up to practice in third block and a range of about four notes wouldn't play. So I took it in right after school to Merritt Island and Charlie made "lots of little adjustments" and it worked again and I took it home but the next day I noticed that a key was moving very slowly which shouldn't happen. So I took it to Charlie again and he took the rod out and oiled it and gave it back and I drove straight to my lesson in Melbourne and when I tried to play my flute nothing would come out at all. My teacher found the problem but didn't know how to fix it, so she told me to take it to Charlie again which I did but I missed out on my lesson and I had a lot of stress from it all. Well, all I can say is that I'm happy that all happened at the time that it did and I didn't miss out on any playing except maybe like one practice session and my lesson.

Man, I am run-on happy today.

ANYWAY
Today was cool because I played Brahms and Beethoven all day with Dr. Marosi conducting. Plus I had some really awesome chinese food for lunch and laughed a lot on the bus ride home.
Overall, it was an awesome day.

But I also heard some truly awful news today and it breaks my heart. One of the happiest, nicest people I know, one of my only friends, is having major health problems. Pray for Emily, readers.

IN OTHER NEWS
I got an audition to New England Conservatory! Thus completing the "early waiting period" of my college search, and also completing the prescreening for my circle of colleges. I am now entering the "audition" period. I have a different audition every weekend in Februrary, each in a different city up north. In case anyone actually cares, this is what it looks like:
weekend 1-Eastman in Rodchester
weekend 2-Cincinnati Conservatory in Cincinnati
weekend 3-New England Conservatory in Boston
weekend 4-Juilliard in New York

I'm sorry if I am posting way too much info about colleges and college auditions, but it excites me! I mean, who else has the chance to travel and see so many cities and meet so many people and the flute professors and see snow and be cold and have something so exciting to practice for? I am so excited the excitement is flowing from my ears. I mean, four auditions to four of the top music schools in the nation! I have something real to work for!
This practicing that I do, it's worth something. It has paid off with this opportunity, four shining opportunities to convince a couple people that I rock on flute. This is the breaking point. And I am ready.

Ya know, I know quite a few college-bound people I know have no idea what they want to do in college not even to mention in life. But for me the choice was so easy. Music seemed like the most natural thing to do...it was really the only thing to do. What else could I do?

Thanks guys for taking my cool quiz!
I think I may take it one of these days.

So yeah...be grateful for everything. When I got my wisdom teeth out, I was so jealous of those who were able to practice and play their instruments. I would talk to people and think "I hope you appreciate your ability to play your instrument right now...because I can't play mine!" And of course, they would never be more or less appreciative then they were before. Why would they be? I wished I could play my flute so badly that I had dreams about playing Mozart Concerto in G. Seriously I did.
Not everyone can play their instrument right now.

I got a letter today from a friend. This person has hit hard times with the parents and said to me "Enjoy your parents-they are much nicer than mine, I promise!"
It woke me up. Appreciate your parents, Ashley!

Okay, remember those stupid quiz things everyone does?
I'm going to make one up, so guys can do it.

Kay here it goes:

1. What do you think of smarterchild?
2. Do you plan to someday take over the world? If so, what is your plan for world domination?
3. What is your favorite instrument?
4. What are more awesome, pirates or ninjas?
5. What is the Internet site that you frequent the most often?
6. Have you ever worn an outfit of all yellow?
7. What do you want?
8. Do you have friends?
9. What is the best name for a solo piccolo CD?
10. What should I do for solo and ensemble, Ibert or Muczynski?
11. Do you like dogs?
12. Do you think you are more awesome than me?
13. If you were the inventor of one present day object, what would you have wanted to invent?
14. What is the most important thing to you?
15. What is your favorite Lord of the Rings character?
16. Why did you leave blogger?
17. Do you like to dance?
18. What do you want people to do when you cry?
19. If you were to meet one person alive today, who would it be?
20. Ireland or Scotland?
21. Copeland or Grainger?
22. Holst or Hindemith?
23. Bach or Beethoven?
24. Are you a nerd?
25. What would you do if I punched you?
26. Have you ever had a pet ladybug?
27. Do you like the beach?
28. What is your mission?
29. Fill in the blanks: ____ music is for ____.
30. What is the best thing ever?
31. Where does your loyalty lie: with your friends or with your signifigant other?
32. What should the next question be?
33. What if the sky was purple instead of blue?
34. What is that thing over there?
35. What do you think of when I say "driving range?"
36. Who is the mole?
37. Do you know the muffin man?
38. How important is money to you?
39. Why is everyone so dumb?
40. What exactly are "cooties?"
41. Who are you, really?
42. You're joking, right?
43. What is your favorite brand of ketchup?
44. Would you rather live in a jungle or a boat?
45. What do you think of love?
46. Which is better, the eastern or western hemisphere?
47. Chips Ahoy, Keebler, or Publix brand cookies?
48. What is your favorite way to say goodbye?
49. Are you a jerk?
50. What is your favorite word?
52. What are your thoughts about the president of the U.S?
53. Can you read music?
54. Who is your favorite author?
55. What is your favorite picture of you?
56. Is there any show or movie that you would watch for 24 hours straight if given the opportunity?
57. What does everyone mean by "insanity?"
58. Which one of these cities is the best: Cincinnati, New York, Tallahassee, Rodchester, Boston?
59. Do you know who Emmanuel Pahud is? If so, who is he?
60. What is the worst thing in the world?
61. If I was meeting you for the first time, what would I notice about you right at the beginning?
62. Do you like Robin Williams better as an actor or comedian?
63. How many cats do you want when you get older?
64. Are you fully grown yet?
65. Who cares?
66. What do you do when you want to spend time with yourself?
67. Who would you vote off your family island?
68. If you were to live in any time period, what would it be?
69. Does it bother you that I ended on an odd number?

I saw White Noise. What a stupid movie.
After the movie my mom and my aunt were standing outside the bathroom waiting for me and some guy asked them what movie they saw. My aunt said "White Trash" and then we were on our way.

I need to pray more and talk less.

Well, I have developed a very painful zit/pimple/growth/whatever right where my flute sits below my lip, and it hurts to play my flute, so it looks like this weekend will be light on the flute playing. So instead of practicing all night like I planned to, I surfed the television and came upon the national figure skating championships. I love watching figure skating, and it's even better because they always skate to really awesome music.

The couple that came in first in pairs used Saint-Seans' Bacchanale (sp?) from Samson and Delilah, and the pair that came in second used a medley of arranged tunes including Moonlight Sonata, Beethoven's Ninth, and The Marriage of Figaro overture.
In the women's long program the winner, Michelle Kwan (of course), skated to Ravel's Bolero, Sascha Cohen in second place used a movement from The Nutcracker suite, and the third place winner used Debussy's Daphnis and Chloe suite no. 2 (including the flute solo!). There were also appearances by Paganini, Rachmanninof (sp?), the Beatles, and Piazolla (the tangomastahhh!) And mostly, the skaters did well. It was fun to watch, and Michelle Kwan, at 24 years old, won again for the ninth time. If skating is anything like gymnastics, 24 years old is ancient. I mean, if you compared gymnastics years to real life years, 24 would be, like, 110 or something. It's OLD.

Oh yeah and Craig if you see this, the competition is a no-go, so don't bother practicing the piano part.

"Jazz flute is for little fairy boys"

Hmmm lets see if livejournal is up yet. No? Oh that's too bad. You guys can't post anything. And I can. Hmm. What a pity that you all moved to livejournal.

Claude Debussy (1862 - 1918)
One of the
most influential and innovative composers,
Debussy grew up in France in a bourgeois family
and later entered the Paris Conservatory. As a
composer, his compositions became the musical
representative of the impressionist style.

Which Classical Music Composer Are You?
brought to you by

I love lamp.
"Do you really love the lamp, or are you just saying that because it's in front of you?"
I...I love lamp. I love lamp.

Hey all you losers who betrayed blogger to move to livejournal, guess who has posting power. I do! You don't! Your servers are down! Hahahaaa! Blogger did not lose all its information! Livejournal did! I win, you lose. Ha ha haaaa!
I will be providing all the blogging entertainment for a while. And you will LIKE IT.
(Sorry if I appear a bit over the top here, but, well, I am the sole survivor. Sorry.)

ANYWAY
This is about God, so if you don't believe in God then don't read this. Unless you want to.
We owe everything to God. He created everything. If you said to me, "I painted this beautiful picture, I have created something, and therefore God has not created everything" you would be wrong. Pick your painting apart.

Who made the paintbrush that you used to paint with? Probably a factory somewhere. But who created the factory? A person or group of people. But who gave those people the ability to create a factory? God did. Without the God-given ability to create a factory, we could not have mass-produced paintbrushes.
But, you say, I could make a paintbrush myself. I could take wood and fiber and fasten it together and have a perfectly good paintbrush. But where would you get the wood and fiber? From trees and in nature. Who created trees and nature? God did. Without the God-given trees and fibers in nature, we would not have paintbrushes at all.
But, you say, I don't need a paintbrush to paint with. I can use my finger or another various object. I don't need God's paintbrushes to create a picture. All I would need is paint and I could make that myself. The only thing I need to create paint is the right combination of chemicals. But who created those chemicals? God did. Without God-given chemicals, we would not have paint.
But, you say, even through all that, I was the one who painted the picture. I developed my own talent in painting, not God. It was me who spend all those hours in perfecting my skill, not God. But who gave you arms? Who fashioned perfectly to give you the opportunity to grow into a great painter? Who gave you the time to paint the picture? Who gave you the time to practice painting? When you practiced painting, were you really making yourself better or was God allowing you to become better? Could God take away your ability to paint well? Is your ability something you deserve through your hard work, or is it a gift, something that has been given to you?
The answer is simple: God. God gave you all of it.

I know that when I practice, I know that I am not making myself a more skilled flute player, but God is allowing me to become a more skilled flute player. Everything comes from God.

It's funny how a single event that makes you very happy can make you realize all the other little things in life that make you happy.
Right now, everything is beautiful.
Life is good.

Well I'm sorry if I am bragging but I just don't care this time because it really really deserves a good brag so DEAL WITH IT........

I have been invited to audition at Juilliard.
In yo face, losers.

Oh darn I am going to have to miss district orchestra festival to audition at Juilliard oh man I am so sad.

(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I'M EVIL!!!
EVIL EVIL EVIL!
::bangs head on wall::
GO AWAY DEVIL!

Me: Hey Brain, I have an idea!
Brain: Oh no
Me: How about being reallllly stupid
Brain: Talk to the Heart about that
Heart: What? What am I doing?
Me: Everything bad that's possible in Life right now
Heart: I am not. I'm just giving Life a little...spice.
Me: Oh heart...
Heart: I can't stop you know. It's a habit by now.
Brain: I told you it's Heart's fault. She even admits it.
Me: Heart, can you try a little bit harder to not be very stupid and overreactive? Things are not as bad as you make them out to be, trust me.
Brain: She's right, heart. Start being smart about things.
Heart: Well...I can try. But I can't promise anything.
Me: There is no try! There is only DO!
Heart: Stop yelling at me! Okay, I'll be good. Sheesh.