A really good day today. League playoffs (full of fun and win), Haydn Creation, Alberto Almarza masterclass, performing with the Quintessentials for the last time, and some nice conversation to boot.

There were really some touching moments in today's music. The Creation is very inspiring, there were some really beautiful voices out there (I'm looking at you, Tess)--just lovely--and the Poulenc is so exciting. And my colleagues are so awesome to work with. This is why I do what I do.

And getting $250 is never a bad thing either. That's like...second place in a competition, is it not?

I have a corner of my room where I just throw everything that I don't want to deal with at the moment, like traffic tickets, books and music I don't feel like re-shelving, old programs that belong in my studio notebook, magazines I need to read, clothes that belong in my closet, notes from classes...
That corner used to be just a small, neat pile of stuff, but it has gotten bigger and bigger as the semester progressed, and now it's taking over my entire room. I can't contain it anymore. It's a monster!!! It's like the little prince's version of baobabs. (Wow, I JUST had a revelation about that part of the book. How did it take me so long to see that? I feel really dumb right now.)

Solas:
In January you've still got the choice
You can cut the weeds before they start to bud
If you leave them to grow higher, they'll silence your voice
And in December you may pay with your blood

While shaving today, I noticed a muscle in my leg that wasn't there before.

And then God said, "Let there be muscle!"
(Sorry...too much Haydn lately.)

Anyway, whatever I've been doing...it's working. Woot.

These words don't lie.

Here's the good word: the teacher at LSU convinced the admissions office to give me more time to decide, and ASU has finally responded: I will be getting close to full tuition in scholariship. Thank the Lord!

I knew things would work out, but I hated being the bad guy yesterday and not responding.

ARIZONA STATE MASTERS STUDENT 2011! Phoenix, here I come!


P.S. I threw two touchdowns and caught two in class today. WHAT WHAT. And those were from meandering around the whole time. They really don't try too hard there sometimes.

P.P.S. I love my roommates. Mark, Ashley, Jessica, yeah I'm calling you out.

I'm feeling blue. This has not been a good day. My heart hurts. My legs hurt. My pride hurts. I haven't given any kind of response yet. Until I hear from ASU, I can't make a choice.

LSU is bein' a big ol' jerk and not extending the deadline, so I might have lost my tuition waiver there. ASU is being a lazy bum and not telling me how much more money I'm getting. I feel like a bad person for stringing KK along when I'm pretty sure I'm not going there. The blind guy got voted off of idol. That's unrelated.

Here's a conversation that could've happened in the last couple of hours, but didn't:
"Hey Ashley, how's it going?"
"Not so good, man...I might have lost my scholarship at one of my schools."
"Oh, that's a bummer. Sorry Ashley."
"Thanks dude."

And now I'm eating a chocolate bunny for dinner. Curses, curses all around.

So the admissions office from LSU is demanding that I answer today. Ummm...help? Please? God?

Oh dear.

It's 5, down to 4, down to 3, down to 2, down to 2, down to 2, down to 2....

It's either Louisiana State or Arizona State. LSU's offer came through--I could go there with a full tuition waiver and an additional scholarship and money to play in band. No loans or jobs during school.
ASU gave me a $2000 per year scholarship. Even though it was my favorite school, this was not nearly enough for me to be able to attend. I have to pay out-of-state tuition! So I told them that, and they promised me more money...just how much, I don't know. It makes a big difference--will it be enough for me to be able to attend? They STILL haven't told me how much more (yesterday I got an email..."I should know in a few more days"...d'oh!), and it's incredibly frustrating right now--the deadline to make a decision is TOMORROW. IN WRITING. I could lose everything at LSU if I wait any longer, but if I accept there, I could miss out on going to my top school. What am I supposed to do???

BAHAHAH! Oh mixed emotions crew...sorry in advance that I am so bad at ultimate. I'm somehow getting better at an alarmingly rapid pace, but I'm still a weak ol' 5'1" chickadee, afraid of the ground and of other people and of objects that fly towards my face. You'll have to forgive me.

Body: "Go to sleep, Ashley. You're incredibly tired."
Brain: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo. I DON'T WANNNAAAA"

Brain and Body rarely agree.

(I don't think that I age. My theory is that I'm actually going backwards in age, like Benjamin Button. I'm really like 10 years old right now. IT MAKES SENSE, DOESN'T IT???)

The most comforting thing about Easter to me is the reminder that there is something more out there. So many times I forget that this is only life on earth, and it is not the end. And everything that happens here, while it may hurt for a bit, is only temporary. Even the worst possible scenerio you only must endure for a lifetime. There is something greater, so much greater, to look towards.

Jesus Christ is risen today
Alleluia, alleluia

So fight those bad vibes, they won't last. Christ will.

(Sometimes I panic for no logical reason. Don't panic, Ashley. It's gonna be okay. You're okay.)

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!!!!!

Wow, what a beautiful day--so appropriate. Life is good!

Man, sometimes I say stuff.

Reason: I'm a hard worker.

You'd better believe it, brother.

Well, my month of fame has ended, but I'm not sad because a friend of mine from elementary school and middle school (one of the close-knit group of friends in the gifted program) took my place. Way to go, Hambone! I remember square dancing together in third grade. I only wish we could have been on at the same time--that would have been awesome.

A letter to the editor:

Q: Ashley, you are a smart, attractive, outgoing, talented, and generally pleasant girl. How is it that some lucky guy has not snatched you up by now?

A: Thank you for your question! I have a long answer for you, so get ready:

Relationships, at their core, are friendship. The difference is that there is a future to relationships, some kind of forward-looking element. Therefore, there is one reason to date: to find a mate. If you are dating someone who you don't believe you could POSSIBLY marry, well then, you're wasting both of your time. And I'm also guessing that you are also dating only to indulge in, said in the best way possible, the romance. YOU'RE INDULGING WHERE YOU SHOULDN'T BE INDULGING.

THAT SAID, I have some pretty strict rules for the guys I date. The most important thing to me is my belief system, therefore, the most important thing that I look for in a guy is a belief system that is compatible with mine. So it follows that I only date fellow Christians, no exceptions. I know it's harsh, I know I am close-minded and all that, but I am not going to change. SO DEAL WITH IT.

In addition, I am a cautious person--extremely cautious when it comes to relationships. It sounds like a paradox: I'm a free spirit, but I look before I leap. Feelings are very real, and I have hurt and been hurt enough to know that if you can prevent that pain, you should do it as soon as possible. Do not lead guys on, and for Pete's sake, do not lead me on. Please note: I'm not going to do anything physical--no, not even first base--if I am not dating a guy. IT'S BAD NEWS.

Right now, I'm living in Tallahassee. In four weeks, that will no longer be true. Who knows when I will return. Let's face it: I'm not exactly girlfriend material right now...I'm only seeking good, clean fun--the way I always do.

I hope that clears things up.

So I was looking on youtube at some videos of KT Tunstall. Love that girl, she's so sassy, she got soul, and her music is just awesome, full of energy. The more I learn about her, the more I like her. I mean, any girl who's is going to write a song with "you're not the one for me" as the main lyrics is okay in my book. I think I see in her some of the characteristics that girls in general admire: cool and confident, more powerful than men, honestly doesn't care what the fjsda they think, with an attitude to boot. She's just so COOL.

ANYWAY, I learned that she covered "Walk Like an Egyptian" (not very well, but when are covers ever as good as the original?). Just the fact that she chose that song makes her awesome. That's my jam.

I might just use my new iTunes dollars on her albums.


Black Horse and a Cherry Tree
Hold On
Walk Like an Egyptian
Suddenly I See

I'm living in the present, one short glimpse of the normal life. It'll be gone soon, all too soon...but let's not think about that right now. Live in the present, I'm all in.

ALSO...picking the handler up and carrying her around the field is NOT a valid or legal defensive maneuver!

ALSO...hahah! I love being a girl, with the innate ability to...know things.

ALSO...ultimate is really fun.

Life is so hard sometimes. We have to make these tough decisions, execute difficult actions. Often we must say things that we don't want to say and do things we don't want to do, even to the point of hurting others...and sometimes it's really hard to tell whether the choice you're making is for the good of all, or if it is the best choice for you alone. And there's nobody to hold your hand through it all and assure you that what you're doing really is the best option. These choices that I make that affect others so strongly...they weigh heavily on me, they really do, even if I pretend otherwise.

The freedom of choice can be a burden.

Honestly, I think guys live in some kind of dream-reality world sometimes.

It's 3:15 AM, I'm eating Ramen, and I just came from playing Rock Band.

Welcome to college, dear. Where have you been the past three and a half years?

My challenge to myself was to play better every week at the league game. I'm doing it. I scored my first point today! And some other good stuff.

I can now out-frisbee Joe Shmo. AND JOE SHMO IS NOT A LADY.

Red. I'm red all over.

I was an American explorer again today, Louis and Clark traveling uncharted land for the first time. What a great feeling, the mystery of what lies ahead...and then reaching that place to find a land that has never been seen before...(perhaps in my imagination).

Tallahassee is deceptive. It has some hidden secrets about it. You just have to know where to look.

"One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes."

Hey flute players out there...tell me what is wrong with this passage. It is an excerpt from Nancy Toff's "The Flute Book":

"Sergei Prokofiev (1891-1953) had a career similar to Martinu in that it combined nationalist elements with neoclassicism. His only work for flute, the Sonata, premiered in Moscow in 1943. It is a traditional work--its three movements are in sonata, rondo, and ternary form, respectively--but modern at the same time."

Am I missing something here? (or better yet, is SHE missing something here?)
????????

I got a special sunburn today.

Prokofiev died the same day as Stalin. How ironic!

So as it turns out, Sigur Ros not only writes the most beautiful music imaginable, but they also make the most beautiful music videos imaginable. Take a look:

Glósóli (translates "glowing sole," this is my favorite video)

Hoppipolla (translates "hopping into puddles")

Lightning just struck right outside my window. The thunder made my room shake. Oh, this is scary because it's real. The end is coming...

I am going to die if I try to go to class today. Oh God, I don't want to die...

Note to self: driving school. Do it.

So, uh, I guess I'm off the market again.
Sorry boys.

EDIT: No, it's not true. And you can't imagine how much joy I got out of seeing everyone's reaction to this. Happy April Fool's Day, loyal readers!!!

Some things are happening.

The pianist in my sextet told me today that my sound was very "thick" and "round." Those are good things for a sound to be...right?

(Grrr...those guys have adulterated my mind. This post doesn't sound normal to me anymore. Pennies in the jar...)

So far, 6 out of 7 summer festivals agree...

I hate the music industry so much sometimes. It's just rejection after rejection after rejection, with no break in the rejection. And it happens every year, every blasted year I get outright rejected from more than six summer festivals. Sometimes I have to wonder, why do I even try? Am I ever going to get onto the waiting list at some of these places? Are my efforts null?

Classical music is just as hard to work with as pop music. Maybe harder. At least people like pop music. You can't really have a fan base as a flute player.

Maybe that's why I have been shying away from music lately. I don't want to deal with all of this right now. It's a time for celebration, not rejection.

It was an amazing weekend any way you look at it. I won't go into detail. Those of you involved, you know who you are. Thank you. Thank you for being my friend.

Sigh..now it's back to normal life again. But wait...wait a minute...I DON'T GO TO SCHOOL OR PRACTICE ANYMORE!!! THERE'S NO WORK TO GO BACK TO!!!! HAHAHAHA SUCKAHS!!!

(I'll look back to this time of my life with deep longing someday.)

I love my friends so much, I'm finding it hard to describe right now.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ASHLEY!!!

Sorry your apartment got so trashed. :(

Today's gonna be a great day. The Excitetisville Gang is coming to Tallahassee, and I couldn't be more happy! And my roommates are going to make sure I have a good time at the party--the way my 21st should have been.

::annoys person in front of me::

WELL...I don't know about you guys, but I slept really well last night.

So for anyone who cares...I went to court today to finally contest my right on red ticket from November. There were about 20 cases there, and maybe 13 of them were dismissed because the officer didn't show up. Mine wasn't one of those cases.

It was really scary, I mean my heart was pounding so hard when the judge asked for my story, I could barely talk. But I managed to explain that it was really dark out, the sign is six lanes away, and the turn was safe. He then asked me if I had ever driven on that street before, and if I had ever seen the sign before, and I said that I had never noticed it before.

The judge decreed that I pay the full cost and take driving school, but no points will go onto my record. So basically I got nothing out of contesting my ticket, because I had the driving school option to begin with.

JERKS

I can relate to Smalls. He's short, he's got no skills, he's new in town, he never really knows what's going on, he doesn't get the jokes people make, he plays with kids who are way better than him...still he has true love of the game, and that's worth a lot.

"You're killin me, Smalls!!"

sounds mysteriously like
"You're killin me, Stahl!!"

I sound really bad on flute right now. It's because I don't practice anymore.

Will begin to practice again starting...now.

My court date is tomorrow. OH NO YOU DI-INT.

I took a nap today, and once again I had a bout of sleep paralysis. I didn't see things this time, but I heard my mom and my grandma's voice right outside my door, clear as day. I thought they might have been here to surprise me for my birthday. But they aren't, cause that was a hallucination.

Billy Joel says that you'll pay for your satisfaction somewhere along the line, but what he fails to mention is that you'll also pay for your pain somewhere along the line. It works both ways you know, and it all evens out in the end. The sum is the same.

WEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was born happy.

Playing ultimate this much is reminding me a lot of my competitive gymnastics days. Nine years ago, I used to practice in five hour sessions three or four times a week--and that's a lot of workout, let me tell you. I remember always being sore, always having some kind of ache or pain, hardly ever knowing when or where it came from. But also being very happy, cause when you're healthy you're happy. And then being way stronger and faster than anybody in my class, even the guys. Oh how I miss that...

I guess I've never done anything super athletic since then, and have in consequence become a "skin and bones" type girl. It'd be nice to change that before I leave. I am going to be so sore tomorrow, it's not even funny. But it's making me stronger and better, so in the end it's worth it.

Oh, and I discovered today that cartwheels are still super fun. In a way, they somehow seem more natural than walking normally...

Click for Mr. Blue Sky

Sun is shinin' in the sky
There ain't a cloud in sight
It's stopped rainin' everybody's in a play
And don't you know
It's a beautiful new day hey, hey

Runnin' down the avenue
See how the sun shines brightly in the city
On the streets where once was pity
Mister blue sky is living here today hey, hey

Mister blue sky please tell us why
You had to hide away for so long
Where did we go wrong?

Hey you with the pretty face
Welcome to the human race
A celebration, mister blue sky's up there waitin'
And today is the day we've waited for

Hey there mister blue
We're so pleased to be with you
Look around see what you do
Everybody smiles at you

Mister blue sky, mister blue sky
Mister blue sky

Mister blue, you did it right
But soon comes mister night creepin' over
Now his hand is on your shoulder
Never mind I'll remember you this
I'll remember you this way

Mister blue sky please tell us why
You had to hide away for so long
Where did we go wrong?

Hey there mister blue
We're so pleased to be with you
Look around see what you do
Everybody smiles at you

I've been traveling for eight weekends in a row. Tomorrow will be the first weekend since Jan. 16th in which I haven't done any traveling. AND IF I WENT TO SEE JEANNIE B IN SC IT WOULDN'T BE TRUE.

Woah dude.

Oh, and I learned how to throw a hammer today. I mean, a real hammer (or more real...realer), not one that travels two feet in front of me and instantly drops to the ground. Someone in this world has patience to put up with my ineptness. I 'preciate that.

Landis Green was buzzing today,
And Publix as well was hoppin'
I sat on the grass with my face to the sun
And then had a good time shoppin'

I am just so happy with life right now, I almost can't believe it.

I have this feeling that everything for me is ending right now, that I'm closing all of my doors--but somehow at the same time, I feel that I have just begun to learn how to live. It's a strange thing to meet all these people from different places--people that I really like a lot--at the end of my time here in Tallahassee. I would say that it's ill-timed, but I know it's not. I did what I had to do these past three and a half years, working hard, practicing, and all of that was quite important, especially for the future. But my future is set now, and there's nothing more I can do for it, and I finally have a chance to live only in the present and to learn what I never got a chance to learn before--how to have fun.

And through all of my complaints about this city, I've predicted this before, and now it's coming true...
I'll regret leaving Tallahassee by the end.

God is good.

I'm highly suspicious that the bread I'm eating right now is moldy.

I think I practiced more today than the entire spring break combined.

Oh, and funny story--someone I have never seen before asked me today if I was "the flute girl" from blackboard. I said yes, and he congratulated me. Lolzors.

All I can think about nowadays is ultimate. It's like I'm in love or something, except with a sport instead of a guy.

So, uh, I played in my first ultimate league game. I was slightly confused most of the time. It's okay. I'll learn. It was a lot of fun, and I met a lot of really cool people. SO THERE.

OH I'M GONNA BE SORE
IT BURNS

Oh, and my face is red now.

Everybody deserves to wear pants.

Whoo doggie, this spring break has been full of fun and win. Four days of beach, one day of ultimate and playground, a trip to Melting Pot, my early birthday party with the family (I got an iPod Classic!!!), old home movies (aka, getting to see my dad as a teenager and with a full head of hair), a Bagel Bite party...I really don't know how it could get any better (unless I had time to practice among all that. I pretty much gave it up for the week. It's okay to do that now.) And the best part is that when I go back to Tally, I still won't have anything to do.

I am really happy with life right now. Tally tends to suck the happiness out of my life, so hopefully I've stored enough in the bank to get me through another month and a half.

Thanks for this week. It's absolutely what I needed.

New layout! What do you guys think?

I'm not sure I like it. I'll probably try another one soon.

I love me some beach.

This spring break is so happy. I am so glad to be here with my family and friends. I love it, love it, love it.
I'm not going to explain in detail, but I have been going through some heavy things recently, and this break has just been...revitalizing. I'm harvesting my happiness back. This is home, this is who I am.

Oops

This is my Jung type
and every career I have ever considered in my life is under the disfavored careers section. I'll write the list and bold the ones I wanted to be at some point when I was growing up so you can see how dramatic it is:

poet, artist, songwriter, musician, novelist, art therapist, theatre teacher, art curator, film editor, video game designer, photo journalist, travel writer, actor, record store owner, camera operator, art historian, music teacher

Oh, and all the careers under "favored careers" sound incredibly boring to me.

I'm playing with the idea of updating the look of my blog. I mean, let's be honest here--it's in need of repair. The cats pics from the side are gone, the bar at the top is blocking the title, I don't know how to make my profile visible, aaaaand an number of other things. What do you guys think, my faithful readers? Would you be upset if I changed the template?

It was a great day, everything about it was fun and enjoyable. But I am now unhappy. How does that even work?

I'm leaving Tally to go back home in the afternoon. I can't wait. You'd think that I wouldn't need a break as much as other years--after all, I'm practically not going to college anymore. But I really do need it, even more than other years. In the past, I needed spring break to unwind, to relax, to get away from papers and projects...now I need to escape. There are reasons besides stress to take a vacation. And home is the perfect place. I can't wait to hear those waves again, feel the sun on my face and the warm sand under my feet, and to smell the salt in the air. That's what I need right now.

I have only God.

Traveling the shores and walking on the sand,
Where I will be is where my heart lies

CHAINSAW INSIDE ME

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

(Half of the people reading this wouldn't understand. The other half understand only too well.)

LOOKIT I'M ON BLACKBOARD

You gotta keep refreshing till my face is the face you see.

If I was a cookie, I'd be Famous Amos. (Even though those aren't that good. They're still famous.)

Oh, and Re: Sept. 24, 2008. That's when the process started.

I'm done!!!!!
No more auditions for the rest of the semester!

My last audition at LSU was a success, to say the least. I played for the flute professor and the band director. After my audition, I had a talk with the flute professor, and since I was the last audition, she was able to tell me that I was admitted, and that I was first on her list for a scholarship!!! I was number one!

(Unless you guys have been rejected as much as I have, and I doubt any of you have because I have been through a heckuvalot of rejection, you don't understand how satisfying this news is. I am so happy to finally hear that someone appreciates what I have done, so happy. I was beginning to lose hope, really..)

ANYWAY, she has two student graduating who hold full tuition waivers, and she is going to fight to be able to keep one of those. And it would go to me! In addition, she has created a scholarship in her own name for masters students, and that would go to me too! AND I WOULD GET PAID TO PLAY IN BAND. So, it would be amazingly affordable, way more than free.

I am so incredibly lucky to have all of this opportunity, and unless I get a similar deal at another school, it's going to be a very hard to turn down.

Baton Rouge, anyone?

Still, I am waiting to hear from my other schools. LSU would be offering me a lot of money, but it still wouldn't be offering me an assistantship. One of my goals in my masters degree is to get a lot of teaching experience, and even though I'll be able to teach wherever I go, nothing compares with having college teaching on your resume.

ALSO, I know I am going to have a great teacher wherever I go, but there is a big difference in the quality of the schools of music. When I was warming up for my audition, I played the piano in the practice room, and it honestly sounded like it was from a different planet, like it hadn't been tuned in like 4 years. It's a bad sign...

(No doubt ASU was my favorite school. Something about that place...)

Anyway, right now I get to sit back, take it easy, go to movies, hang out with friends, play some ultimate, go to RUF, do all of those things that I was unable to do because I was traveling every weekend. And one of these days, I'll be hearing from the other schools, and hopefully I'll have a decision to make in the end.

Note to self: don't listen to Mr. Mistoffelees unless you want to hear that line in your head for the next two weeks. You know which one I'm talking about...

The "other comments" section on my Brevard application:

What I wrote (which, by the way, was sassy enough for any application):
I have applied to Brevard for the past four years, and I have been at the top of the waiting list every single year. I hope that the admissions committee can see by now the growth I have made as an artist as well as the dogged determination I have to attend the festival. I should hope that after four years of waiting on the waiting list that my wait has finally ended.

What I actually meant
I have applied to Brevard for the past four years, and I have been at the top of the waiting list every year. Can you even imagine how frustrating that is for me? CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE? No, probably not, because you are the people who made it happen. Well let me tell you, it makes me want to kill somebody. KILL A PERSON.
So for the love of God, people, please admit me this year. I'm not asking much. I won't ask for money or high placement or anything...I just want to be admitted. A simple yes will suffice. It's not that hard, yes. It's a one-syllable word. Just say it. For the love of all that is good in this world, please say yes. I really don't want to kill somebody.
(Oh and by the way, if you don't admit me, I will punch you all. IN THE GRILL.)

Shostakovich 9 was AWESOME. This was my favorite concert.

AND it was the first time I have ever been recognized at the end for a solo. No joke.

Text message from Josh Anderson:
J: Ctrl+Alt+Delete
A: ?
J: Oh, you know.

Even from hundreds of miles away, this guy never ceases to amuse me.

You guys would not believe how lazy I have been this week. I mean really, if I told you, you wouldn't believe me.

My body has had it. That's why. But still. The mind makes the decisions, the body has to follow. Bad things can happen if you let you body make decisions and let the mind follow.

I really like looking at my profile picture album on facebook. I've changed my picture enough now and I can see that there are many facets to my personality, and the contrasting pictures show that. Some aren't even pictures of me at all, but that's part of my personality too. The many faces of Ashley.

If I won the lottery, I would move out of the Savannahs and write them a long letter of grievances, and I would buy a nice house for my roommates and me far away from Dewey Street (maybe somewhere overlooking a lake, or with a great view of the sunset...or both) and I would buy us all parking spots really close to the school of music so we wouldn't have to walk far to get back to our cars when the school is retarded and closes all of the parking lots for a week.

Oh, and we wouldn't even have to go to school to practice, because our house would have an extra practice room for each of us with soundproof panels and yamaha pianos in them, and we could practice at home without disturbing each other even. AND we'd have our own state-of the art recording studio, and a full time staff pianist. Well, okay, maybe not the pianist.

I'd pay off my parent's debts and my brother's loans, and I would be able to fly instead of drive home because I could have a car at home, too. OH and I would totally have a pool put in our backyard, with a hot tub, and in the summer the Titusville gang could all come and chill out after Sunday ultimate.

I would not buy a new flute because my flute is THE BEST. I would get a new piccolo. And a baroque flute and an alto flute, and maybe even a bass, just for the heck of it. I would totally buy Wise and Otherwise, the entire Sigur Ros discography, and I would finally buy Mere Christianity.

Life might not be better than it is now. But it's fun to daydream.

Let me tell you guys something: I am not defined by my music.

There's no correct answer.

I'm back from Austin and things are crazy. There are four or five days between each audition, but really it only feels like a couple of hours. I feel like I get back, have just enough time to pack again for my next trip, and I have to be at the airport in a few hours.

Do you guys realize that I have been on 16 flights in the past four weeks? Six to Atlanta, four to Jacksonville, and one each to Phoenix, Austin, Chicago, Houston, St. Louis, and Dallas. Blimey, no wonder I feel like a zombie.

Austin was really, really great. Before I came, I asked people about how they liked Austin, and the answers surprised me. Nobody dislikes Austin, and nobody just passively likes it. Everybody LOVES it, everybody who has been there. And now I see why. It's a hippie city. It's cool. It likes art and music (actually getting the nickname the "live music capital" of the US). It has places called "the groovy lube" and "psychadellic pharmacy." There are mountains and lakes, desert and breathable air. I can see...it's a really great and very special place, unlike any other city I have been to in my wide travels.

My audition was good, all except for Firebird which was the very last thing I played, so whatev. I really hope I get into UT. It's pretty amazing.

It looks right now like I'll either be living in Phoenix or Austin next year, and that is just fine with me.

One more audition left, I'm on the home stretch and can see the finish line, and then I am seriously going to sleep for an entire week. Anyone want to go to Melting Pot or Mori with me to celebrate? But I'm getting ahead of myself: eye on the prize, USO and LSU this weekend.

I can name five or six guys off of the top of my head who, if they ever went insane and went on a crazy killing spree, would definitely kill me first.

I am sick, and tomorrow I leave for UT Austin, an audition that I have been anticipating for some years now. I can play through a cold (more than I can play through a cold sore, to be sure), but it's probably not going to be a very pleasant weekend. Anyway, here to health and hoping I get it back soon.

Tonight there were six--count them, six--police cars in the parking lot of my apartment complex. I later found out why they were there--the guy hired to paint the buildings attacked a girl from the apartment RIGHT NEXT to mine.

When I say that anywhere I go for grad school will be an upgrade, it's not just because I'm simply annoyed with Tallahassee.

I really need to get out of here.

Celebrity Morph by MyHeritage

MyHeritage: Celebrity Morph - Genealogy software - Family web sites

I took this picture at Rice University. Do you notice anything odd about these three bikes?



(I'll give you a hint: notice how they're notoriously NOT STOLEN.)

I'm back from Houston and I am pretty exhausted. The auditions went well, all three of them. I didn't get nervous even a little bit for any, so it was a real step forward in the whole process of performing. I'm not used to having good auditions, it's such a wonderful thing to walk out of the room and be able to say, yes, I did show them how I can play. And to do it without drugs...

I got 11 event invitations on facebook in one day, and uhhh, I am going to get some well-deserved rest now. Good night.

P.S. I don't know how the heck anyone can ever find a practice room at Rice. They have like 30 total. I know the SOM is a lot smaller, but still, man...

I discovered tonight that I'm actually not normal.

HEY! let's talk about different things

I actually told someone tonight to please stop talking. it was glorious.

INVALID DOMAIN PLEASE DISABLE YOUR COOKIES

I'm off to Houston tomorrow to have many an audition. Wish me luck.

One of these days, I'll get what I've got coming.

I had a recording session today, playing some pieces for competitions including Copland's flute sonata.

I am listening to the recordings right now, and it's strange...this is the first time I have been moved by listening to a recording of myself. It's so strange, so very strange. Maybe it's Copland, but I have a feeling it's more than that.

I don't want to sound arrogant or anything, but I have come a very, very long way in the past four years (in terms of playing). For a while there I thought I was stuck, that I was not going to get any better, or was not getting any better. But I was wrong. The changes that we make at this point are so subtle, yet they are the most important. It's the difference between merely playing a piece well and being able to move people with the music. And if I can be moved by my own performance, then by golly, I must have come to that point.

What a wonderful realization.

It would appear that ASU is no longer an option for me:
http://www.asu.edu/budgetcuts/asu_program_closures_20090210.html

I feel like one of those people who sit at the bar and look forlorn.

The sum is most certainly the same.

EDIT: FALSE ALARM! I just got an email back from the flute teacher at ASU. The masters programs that are being cut from music are old degree programs--nobody is in them right now. So no need to worry. Whew. That had me very scared and angry for a while there.

Oh, and P.S. I just realized I don't have class tomorrow. Wee!

Stronger and stronger, it's growing.

I've been feeling very close to God lately. It's a wonderful feeling. And I feel that He's answering my prayers about various things, so that's also a good feeling. My cold sore notwithstanding, I am pretty pumped about life right now. I'll regret leaving by the end.

For some reason, I have been having the urge lately to yell out random french phrases, like "allons-y!" "zut alors!" "allez viens!" or "d'accord!"

I mean, YELL them.

I done went and joined the Tallahassee Ultimate league. It's new, just started up this year. And now I'm on a team, a real honest-to-God team.

It's too bad that I will be in Houston, and then Austin, and then Baton Rouge for the next three games. But I couldn't resist joining. I just love ultimate so much.

I like pianists.
(In general.)

Well, I'm back. It's 11:30 PM and I have been traveling since 9:30 in the morning. Fourteen hours of traveling. So tired...

If truth be told, I'm not that pleased to be back in Tally. I have decided that anywhere I decide to go for grad school will be an upgrade to this city. Every time I come back into Tallahassee, it's like an immediate shadow washes over me. It's like, really...do I have to come back here again? Really? And then I sigh and count how many days it is until I can live somewhere else. If you lived here, you'd know what I'm talking about.

Today, in the fifteen minutes of driving in Tallahassee after getting off of the highway, I got cut off twice, a homeless dude knocked on my window asking for money while I was waiting at a light, a police car was on my street arresting what appeared to be another homeless dude, and dozens of stupid drunk kids tried to kill themselves by crossing the street in front of my moving car. I mean, really, I don't know how much worse of a place Tallahassee can get. Maybe if it was really cold all the time...

Don't get me wrong, FSU is a wonderful school, especially the College of Music, and I have a lot of really great friends and teachers here--don't for a second think that I feel the same way about you guys as I do about the city, no way--but it's not going to be enough to make me regret having to leave this place. Four years is long enough. Get me out of here.

I'm here in Evanston posting from the public hotel computer...eww, there are probably germs all over these keys...and the hotel is playing Rampal's recording of Bolling's second suite for flute and jazz trio over the speakers as background music. For some reason, that really amuses me...

Well, it's actully not that cold here. My first thought when stepping out of the airport wasn't "wow it's cold out" but instead it was "why is everything so wet?" Apparently when it is warmer, the snow melts and gets everything all wet. Imagine that...even so, it was like 40 or 45 degrees when I got in. That's about as cold as Tallahassee gets, right? I walked into a Subway that night, and the guy working there was like, "Nice weather, huh?" And I've been hearing people talk about how nice the weather has been all weekend. It's riduculous. This is the WORST weather you can get in Florida. Crazy.

I'm just going to come out and say it. My audition was bad. I've had a special visit cold sore friend, of course right where my flute lies on the lip. Every time I play, it is actually painful. And I get puss all over my lip plate, and I literally have to peel my flute off when I stop playing. I mean, I can still play, but it really affects a lot of things. It's like I have a busted lip, or have started to play with braces again, or something.

So yeah...if there are any full scholarships to be had here, I'm pretty sure they're not going to me. I told the flute professor what happened, and you can't do much about it really, but I still don't think he was really impressed with my audition at all. I mean, I was physically incapable of playing well today.

Other than that, it's been a pretty nice weekend so far. Northwestern has this very northern feel about it, just as Arizona had a very western "desert" feel about it. (I bet LSU has a southern feel). There were patches of snow all over the place, and I really didn't want to embarass myself by taking too many pictures, because only stupid tourists do that. Anyway, I guess I should let someone else use the computer, so bye for now...

There's been a surge of notes on facebook lately. Is it that time of the year when everyone needs to procrastinate? It's like the Tuesday of the semester. Nobody likes Tuesday.

Tuesday: Heeeeeeeey

Audition no. 2 this weekend: Northwestern at Chicago (actually Evanston, but Chicago sounds so much cooler).

I don't know what to expect except that it will be cold.

You know, there are a lot of love songs out there, and I really like a lot of them, but I would have to say that out of all of them, this one is my favorite.

"To Love Somebody" by the Bee Gees.

You don't know what it's like
To love somebody
To love somebody
The way I love you

UUUUGGHH UHUGU
IGH
UGHUUGHGH
YOUR DUMB AND I DONT' LIKE U

Coach: "I wrote 'Touchdown Machine' for you in the gradebook.'"
lol

Dave Glerum got fired from NPR. The economy won't let him keep his job. I simply cannot believe it.
He was the music announcer/anchor for WMFE Orlando on weekdays between the hours of 9 AM and 3:00 PM. I am so upset about this, you guys don't even know. I work at the Health Department every weekday over the summer from 9-2:30, and I listen to NPR the entire time I am there.
Dave was my best friend at work. I feel like I knew him. I remember one year when he played all of his mother's favorite pieces in an hour, in honor of mother's day. The next year around that time, he was gone for about a week, and we found out that it was because it was his mother had died. And after that, he played Brahms' German Requiem. And he has been playing

We went through so many fund drives together. We counted down the 100 favorite classical pieces together. I even voted for that. He was essentially the voice of the summer for me. And now he's going to be gone. What is NPR going to do now? Who will choose the music, who will talk about the relationship between Clara Schumann and Brahms, or about the premier of the Rite of Spring, or about why Mozart is so popular? Who will tell me how to pronounce Jean-Yves Thibaudet, or Essa-Pekka Salonen, or Bedřich Smetana? Who?

I'm so sorry, Dave. This is one listener who will really miss you.

Sigh...I can't do my social experiment. My bike frame has been stolen (before I asked people to steal it). :(

--------------------------------------------------

A few days ago, my camera broke. It was doing this strange thing with an "access" error message, the lens pulling in and out with strange whirring sounds, and finally a message to turn the camera off and back on again, which if I did, would cause the whole process to start over again.

I tried charging the battery, and then thought about replacing the battery, but I wanted to make sure that the battery was the problem before I bought it. So I looked online for some troubleshooting and found myself on this page:

http://www.fixya.com/support/t194522-access_probelm_dsc_w50_camera

which recommended a few good whacks to the camera to get it going.

Dubious, I hit my camera in my hand a few times. No dice, I was still having the same problem. So I tried hitting it on my desk--hard. And lo and behold, the problem was fixed. My camera is good as new again.

Moral of the story: never underestimate the power of hitting electronics until they work again.

-------------------------------------------------

Haha, I just noticed that I forgot to write the word "day" in my last post. Talk about absentmindedness...

This is the first year I have ever watched the Super Bowl, and I really enjoyed it. (I rooted for Arizona because I might live there next year.) It came down to the last 30 seconds. So exciting.

HEY YOU
YEAH, YOU

Today is my laziest of 2009 to date, and I don't doubt that it will stay that way till the end.