Note to self: Log out of chat before you go to sleep.

When will the madness end?

SO. A lot of things happened today, and in general, I am much happier than I was before. It sounds cliche, but I have been set free. Oh the wonders of knowledge.

YA DUMB

I listen to certain pieces of music for different purposes. I have said before, I use The Engulfed Cathedral by Debussy when it seems that there is no hope left; I use Sigur Ros when I am feeling lonely. I use the last movement of Saint-Saens' Organ Symphony when I am feeling jubliant, and I use Dave Brubeck's Unsquare Dance when I am feeling pretty cool (after all, there's nothing cooler than 12-bar blues in asymmetrical meter).

But this post is about a different piece. When I feel like I need to cry and I want to make it happen, I turn to this one Rodrigo's Piano Concerto, mvt. 3. I'm not a crier, so sometimes I need a little help releasing those types of emotions.

Other pieces of music are sad enough, I know, but in my opinion this is the one of the saddest. Other pieces skim the surface of the emotion--they're melancholy, or bittersweet, or gloomy--but this piece, it has no inhibitions in exposing the total devastation of the heart. The music is crying, you can hear it--it's heartbroken, it doesn't know what to do except cry out, sobbing, wailing. It's almost wild in its reckless abandon. And that's how we as humans feel sometimes--so sad that there's nothing left to do but cry our tears.

So on the road trip, we all played one round of MASH. Turns out that my future husband is Emperor Palpaltine, and he is destined for a career as a high school teacher.

Edit: And we're going to have over 9,000 kids together. (How is this possible? Something having to do with the midichlorian count, I would think.)

I AM ANGRY AND I'M NOT GOING TO EXPLAIN WHY.

Dude. Asher's getting married tomorrow. Word.

75% flutist, 25% actress.

I'm doing this gig where I get filmed playing in a flute quartet that students can play along with. It will be made into a DVD (or something) for a lesson supplement. Students around the country will model their playing after my own. Oh no...

DANGER DANGER

Ultimate makes me forget my troubles like nothing else. I've said before that the beach makes me forget my troubles, and it's true--but when you go to the beach, you take your troubles with you. It's just that once you get there you don't really care about them anymore.

Ultimate works differently. Once you start playing, you can't remember what your troubles were at all. It's like they disappeared completely. And that's pretty awesome.

Building upon sand was forced upon me
The choice was never my call.
Now why is it MY job to push this down
Before it gets too tall?

I did a lot of really productive things today, but none of them involved practicing the flute. I'm starting to get really nervous about my time crunch before my recital. I only have like 2 weeks left, and I haven't even finished learning some of these pieces, not to mention polishing them.

Time has been stressing me out lately. Mainly how little of it I have, and how much more of it that I need. I want more time to practice the right way, so sleep the right amount, to have fun, to work and make money. I want more time to spend with my old friends, my true friends, my new friends. I need time to work things out, to leave in the right mindset.

My time is running out everywhere that I look. It's stressing me out!

A magnificent end to my Poached and Fried journey. Dead now, going to sleep. Yup, it's before 10:00 PM, I'm just that tired.

I had a real good time today at the tourney! It feels really weird to be home in the middle of a tournament. I'm happy that I'll be able to get a good night's sleep though, and not sharing a hotel room with 6 other people.

Anyway, we only played 3 games today. I didn't score any points, but I did have my first tournament assist and a good huck catch in the first game and like 5 D-blocks in the third game. And I've just been...more active and confident. I got a lot of high-fives today. I'm a lot better than I was at the first tournament.

Tomorrow's my last tournament day with Poached and Fried. I will probably never see most of those people again. Sad :(

I'm going to be honest here. I love my friends here in Titusville. A lot a lot. I really don't want to leave. Like...I could work this stupid job here, and as long as we keep playing ultimate and having game nights and watching superhero movies, I'd be fine with not advancing my career or moving to Tempe. QQ, I want to stay.

Ice cubes are rarely cubes. Just sayin'.

O Joy that seekest me through pain
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain
And feel the promise is not vain
That morn shall tearless be.

Impetuous, capricious, needy...

Yes siree, I am ready to play some ultimate ultimate tonight. I just realized that I haven't played in a week--Eeks! Egdretcht! I didn't go last Wednesday because I was still recovering from being sick, I didn't go on Sunday because I was driving back home from Tally, and I didn't go on Tuesday because I was celebrating my mom's birthday. All valid reasons, but man have I missed it! And my body is feeling it! I am ready to play hard tonight, in preparation for the tourney (my last one with Poached!) this weekend. I might have to be playing savage...

Rock on, dudes.

So upon google-ing my name today, I discovered that one of the auto-suggestions that Google provides is the word "flute" next to my name. That means that people have been searching "Ashley Stahl" and "flute" together. And not just a few people. Enough people to make it a google suggestion.

I'm pretty sure I'm the most famous Ashley Stahl in the world.

I've been so tired lately, I think it's affecting my moods. I hate that.

I've been thinking a lot about how I feel like I'm moving all of the time, and how that hurts relationships. I make friends (and find love interests, for that matter) really easily, but I feel that because as soon as I find a person of interest, I have to move away, that deeper level of friendship always eludes me. The people around me all seem to have more meaningful relationships than I do--and it has always been that way. I'm not going to blame it all on relocating, because I know that I definitely play a part in this too, finding it extremely difficult to open up fully to anyone, even those closest to me, but moving around definitely brings me down sometimes. It's virtually impossible for me to have had a boyfriend for a while now--how could such a new relationship withstand the tribulations of long-distance? I have chosen--been resigned to--a certain level of constant loneliness.

I only have a month left here. That makes me sad, very sad.

I usually don't comment on t.v. shows here (do I?), but this episode of the Bachelorette really needs some Ashley commentary. Wes is a big ol' jerk, and I mean that in the worst way possible. How can someone be so...remorseless? He is what's wrong with people in this world. That's harsh, I know. You have to see his actions, not just in this episode, but in all of them. It appalled me.

Also, for the first time in the show's history, the bachelorette Jillian made the choice to NOT sleep with any of the guys in the fantasy suite. I always said that she was my favorite bachelorette because 1) she's a lot like me, full of energy, always laughing, etc. and 2) she's short. I can really identify with this girl. And now that she took this stance on the fantasy suite thing...it makes me like her even more. Way to go, Jillian!

That is all.

I always feel really proud of myself somehow when I have known the two people before they started dating, and then they get engaged and married. Like I somehow contributed. Or watched the relationship grow. Or something.

My cleats smell really bad right now.

Yesterday: my most memorable Independence Day to date! I'm keepin' it classy in Tallahassee: started the day out with some ultimate practice (that didn't kick my butt, for once) and saw some of the old faces. Then brunch, Wulkulla Springs, barbecue in the backyard with homemade hamburgers and an all-American cuisine, chilling at the pool, fireworks at Tom Brown, and a half of a "real scary movie" with my favorite roommies (even Jess.jpg). It was a full day (I'm really feelin' it now, so sore) and I'll have to add it to my list of best days.

Yup. This is my last Tallahassee run in the foreseeable future. It's been really fun, but I gotta go. So goodbye.

Movin' on out.

Goodbye my 4-Track

Here's a bonus Robot Cat for being a good reader

Wow, I'm in an amazingly sour mood today.

It'll be good to not wake up to an alarm today. Seems like it's been forever...

Tallahassee this weekend. The final journey (at least for a while).
:)
and
:(

"ESTJs will stand up for their belief even in the face of overwhelming odds and are not afraid to make the tough calls."

I have only true reoccurring dream, one that I have dreamed over and over and over and over again. And basically it is this:
I'm driving, and the car won't respond to my commands. It'll drive in reverse when I want to drive forward, drive when I want to brake, refuse to turn when I move the steering wheel.

I crash into something almost every time I have the dream. Last time I had it, I drove off of a cliff because I couldn't control the car. It was terrible.

I think that this dream tells me something. I have a fear of losing control of life.

We can't control life. Who are we kidding? Every time we think we have something under control, the rug is pulled out from under us, and we're left dumbfounded once again. So we might as well realize that now and save ourselves a lot of stress. We'll deal with the troubles as they come. No sense in trying to prevent the inevitable.

So a guy that I met at the airport (around my age) told me that he loved me, no joke.

As a friend once put it, I guess I've just got the gift.

So...I picked up my flute today after almost two weeks of not practicing. You know...the cold sore, then the strep. I sound better than I thought I would.

Got a heck of a lot of music to learn before the recital, though.

My life is being crazy. I kind of like it, kind of not. I need to get some sleep...

The scrimmage was spectacular! The atmosphere was reminiscent of Tally. I don't think I've had that much fun since the first day of league! Lots of people, enjoying each other, enjoying the sport, marveling at magnificent plays, rooting for our teams, great weather, and no jerks!!! (unless I was a jerk and didn't realize it...it's possible. Plausible even.) We will definitely be doing that again.

-----------------------------------------------------

Take a risk, take a risk, take a risk for once in your life.

Take a risk.


...I did!

Man, those redeye flights are rough. I'm back in T-ville, and the scrimmage is only a few hours away! I feel about 70% healed from strep, but sadly, I really don't feel up to playing yet. But you'd better bet that I'll be there! Wouldn't miss it for the world.

(Well...maybe the world.)

Go Titusville Ultimate!!

Long story short: I made it to Phoenix, I found a beautiful apartment, but the process was excruciating because I have strep throat. My throat hurts so much that I can't even describe it. You don't realize how much you swallow until you have a sharp pain in your throat every time you do it.

I went to a walk-in clinc here and got me some drugs to kill this sucker. I reeeeeeally hope I'm well enough on Sunday to play in the scrimmage. I have been looking forward to it for a long time.

Wow, I haven't been blogging very much lately, have I? There's not really much to report, and I really don't have a lot of free time, I guess that's why.

This weekend I'm going to Phoenix to find my roommate and me an apartment. I am so excited to go back there. You all know how much I loved it the first time. And since my mom is going with me, she'll get to see what I've been yammerin' about all this time.

It's a little late, but happy father's day. I would just like to point out the fact that my dad is cooler than your dad, and that is evidenced by the fact that my entire quotes section on facebook is made up of dad quotes. And it's been that way...eh, like, 7 or 8 months now.

Yankees are being bad lately. Get better.

Ultimate is still awesome.

It hurts when I build up a relationship with a guy, and when he finds out that I don't want to date him, he doesn't want to even be friends anymore. What the hell, guys. There is more than one kind of relationship in this world.

The Ladder Theory

They'll never admit it. But actions speak louder than words.

Today I was bored at work (d'habitude), and for no particular reason I started to rearrange the letters in my name to make up new names. I couldn't think of any really good ones, but this is what I've got:

Alley Shaths (or Ally Sheaths)
Alyse Thachls
Lyssa Hethal
Lea Stahlshy
Shyla Thales
Tessah Hally

I am so cool.

Oh, and I have solar dermatitis (insert David Letterman's "WWHAT?....WHAT?"). If you're gonna have a disease, might as well have one with a cool name, that's what I always say.
(+cold sore, my skin is NOT havin' it this week).

My cold sore friend is back, right where it likes to do the most damage. Thanks, friend!

And if while wandering on that way
Waves crashing so serene
The palm trees a-sway
Your eyes a moonlit green

I took ahold of your hand
Held it right there in mine
Barefoot, both of us on the sand
While the stars above us shine

I woke up to find a watch on my wrist, going off. Bleepety-bleep! Bleepety-bleep! Bleepety-bleep!. I never wear a watch to bed...how did it get there? And suddenly I hear a voice in my head, enunciating his words like a game show host, almost egging me on:
"You hear that sound, Ashley? That means you have a few minutes left. Many people graduate each day. Now all we have to do is to decide whether you're reborn or unborn."

I was going to die.

I woke up in terror, total complete terror. I can't remember a dream ever leaving me so scared, even when I woke up and realized that it was all a dream. Because the dream seemed so real.
I mean, in the dream, I was in my bed, where I was in real life. I could still remember the exact evil voice that I heard, the exact sound that the watch made. And that he said that people "graduate" instead of die, and that I would be reborn or unborn. What does that even mean? The message was a little like The Ring, except instead of having 7 days, I had more like 7 minutes.

I was so scared that I was going to die soon, so scared. I heard my dad out in the dining room, and I jumped out of bed just to go and talk to him and calm down. He seemed to think that it was funny that I had a nightmare. But let me tell you, I'm not someone who gets spooked very easily, and I seriously thought I was going to die.

Worst dream ever.

Sigh...it's so easy to just not practice.

Warning: if you don't care about ultimate and/or don't like long posts with no point, don't read this one. Don't say I didn't warn you.

SO SORE

So. Tournament. It was awesome like I knew it would be. Despite more playing time, I still only scored two points...but they both meant a lot. One was the only point we scored in a game that we lost 15-1, and the other point was epic. Allow me to explain:

My team beat team Zissou, the other team from Tallahassee and for all purposes our rivals. We beat them. Again. And not by universe point this time.

My second point contribution was made during the game against them. I made cut to go long, and, amazingly, a teammate actually threw it to me. It was a great throw. I ran down the entire field, out-running my defender, and caught it in the endzone. That blasted us into halftime with a 3-point lead. I've gotta admit, it felt good. I kept telling my teammates, "I can do things too!...sometimes." Ya know, cause usually I don't really do much. It's not that I'm bad, it's just that everyone is better than me.

My team went 3-4 and we got second place in the B bracket. We went home with silver medals. Sometimes I played well, sometimes I didn't. Everyone's going to have a little bit of both. And I'm still learning.

I was born with no talent for this sport. Practically everyone in the world has more raw material, more potential, than me. That means that I have earned all the skill that I have right now. And that makes the good things that I happen to do--the D's, the catches, even good marking choices--all the more meaningful. I earned the ability to run down that disc. Why shouldn't I celebrate and write all about it in my blog?

Throughout the weekend, though, I was a little disappointed at the low level of sportsmanship. This tournament in particular was built around an emphasis on good spirit, but at this one in particular I heard more complaining, bad-mouthing, jeering, fighting and heckling than ever before. One team even got kicked out because they started a fight...twice. Throwing punches. At some points I was even appalled at my own team's behavior.

I had a good time at the party on Saturday night. We didn't stay there long, but while we did I got some good "Dr. Phil" advice from the guys on a situation I am (and have been) having. Guys are good like that.

I realized why I never get tired when I play pickup in Titusville. It's because I don't actually play. When I went to this tournament, I have to run my hardest at all times. And boy did I get tired! After two points--or even one long one--I was done, ready to sub out.
And I realized that when I play pickup, I almost never run as hard as I can. I don't have to. But these tournament people...they're serious. They're ripped, and they want it. I guess that's why they say that tournaments make you better. You have to really push yourself to keep up with these players. It's good for you.

Okay, I'm still tired and sore so I'm-a gonna go sleep right now. Bye dudes.

I'm baaack!!!!

I'm dead :(

I'm even leaving sunday secrets for tomorrow. I'll tell you about the tourney tomorrow. It's bedtime.

Note to self: It's probably not a good idea to go play pickup as soon as you get home from a tournament.

Welp, the day has finally come. I have been constantly subduing the urge to go on and on about this tournament, and now I don't have to anymore because it's here!

In a couple hours, I leave for another ultimate tournament--Sunshine State Games in Lakeland. I love tournaments! And it looks like I'll have more playing time at this one because we are only taking four girls (so I'll play half the time, roughly). This is Ashley 5.0 playing this time, not only with more speed and endurance than ever before, but finally with a little confidence!

Our first game is against Arladon's team, so we'll see how that goes. :)

I love this sport.

I'll be back on Sunday...
SMELL YA LATER.

Resting the body, resting the soul. One more day!

I'm reading this book right now by Garrison Keillor called "The Book of Guys" and it's really hilarious:

"Women know all about life and social life and how to get along with others, and they are sensitive to beauty, and at the same time they can yell louder. They know all about guys, having been exposed to guy life and guy b.s. since forever, and guys know nothing about girls except that they want one desperately. Which gender is better equipped to manipulate the other?"

This is how I will be playing ultimate next year:



(Yes, you SHOULD be jealous.)

I'm getting swept up in Magic fever. It's the closest professional sports team to my home, and I used to go to Orlando for youth orchestra every week and when I went to see a musical...so I can kinda say that I live there, allright??

The more I watch basketball, the more similarities I see between that sport and ultimate. The passing game, the blocks, the cuts, hucks (3 pt shot)...all of it is eerily similar.

Oh, and one more thing--there's something in basketball called a field goal. Now correct me if I'm wrong here, but there's no field and no goals in the sport of basketball...they definitely stole that term from some other sport.

I believe in Magic!

Things are not REALLY falling into place just yet...but they will (or I will eat my head! [ten points to whoever can name that character {or even which book he's from}])

HEY GUYS SCHUBERT WAS 5'1"

You know you're a nerd when the highlight of your day is learning about an awesome new fingering for high E.

Dang man, ultimate frisbee is the shiznit. You'd better believe it.

1:42amSteven
you could email them and ask for an away message... but they will probably say
you DO have a status that people can see
which is true

1:43amAshley
yeah
true
or they would say
HEY I'M FACEBOOK AND I'M STUPID

It's a Sigur Ros type night.
Have had too much time. Have been thinking too much.

Don't want to be alone.







(You can't be alone with this band.)

These kids...sigh

So I was at work today listening to NPR as usual, and what came on but the famous Dances by Susato (even if you're not a musician, you might recognize these if you heard them). It got me thinking about the evolution of dance music, from Susato to comtemporary techno that they play in clubs nowadays. They're not so different you know, each with a very strong beat center and a clear and simple melody.
For as long as man has had instruments, he has been playing music, and for as long as man has been playing music, he has been dancing to it.

It was a good day at work. Later on they played Borodin's "In the Central Steppes of Asia", which is my absolute favorite piece of music. I don't have a problem saying that it's my favorite--it's just so beautiful, so evocative. I like to completely ignore the fact that it's a programmatic piece and just get lost in the colors and harmonies.
The piece means something different to me every time that I hear it (something similar happens when I listen to Adagio for Strings). This time, I heard the journey that relationships (mostly friendship, including romantic relationships, because as I have said before, relationships are a type of friendship) between people take. We meet people. We're shy at first. But eventually (hopefully!) we build up a glorious friendship, mutually gratifying for both parties, the glory of which cannot be described in words, but can be attempted through music.

I lead two lives. They're very different. One is in Titusville. The other is in Tallahassee (soon to be Pheonix). For years now I have been saying goodbye to one or the other every couple months. I have to leave all of my friends and family behind MANY times. And though some partings are inexplicably more painful than others, they're never easy. Just a few weeks ago, I had to say goodbye--permanently--to one of these lives. Everything, whether it had lasted for four years or was recently discovered, was left behind.

"In the Steppes of Central Asia" paints this. By the end of the piece, you know that the end is coming. Just as all relationships (okay...99% of relationships) come to an end eventually. The glory of the music dies slowly away, and the glory of friendship dies slowly away. We don't mean for this to happen, of course, but it happens nonetheless. Eventually all we have left is a memory of the good times and the changes that these good times have made on us. Ultimately, both music and friendships are ephemeral.

"My flower is ephemeral," the little prince said to himself, "and she has only four thorns with which to defend herself against the world! And I've left her all alone where I live!"

It's not easy.

I'm having a good time.

My dad came and watched me play some ultimate yesterday. He enjoyed it. It made me happy.

It's funny. My dad didn't come to my senior flute recital last year because he "didn't want to drive that far just to see me play flute"...but he will drive up to Titusville to watch me play some casual pick-up with my friends. Oh dad...

Ultimate Serenity with the 'villains, it doesn't get any better than that.

I thought I had known them so very well
But you learn so much more when with them you dwell
So here I will pen
Some lines about men
And all that I've learned, I will tell

They all play the computer game they call WOW
And tease each other about it--somehow!
They'll all go and build
A place in a guild
But they're not addicted, they'll avow.

They talk about cars at least once an hour
That topic with them never seems to sour
A car will drive by
They'll let out a cry!
The class! The handling! The POWER!

Apparently a car can make a girl hot
(I've never really cared about which car I've got!)
Masculine and girly,
Sexy and burly
Over favorite cars, they'll argue a lot

T'was news to me when I discovered they approve
Of when a girl that likes them makes the first move
(They were appalled at my lack
Of knowledge on that fact!
And now my knowledge has improved.)

About lovely girls they converse a great deal
But not very much about how they feel!
They'll talk about who's hot
(Not much about who's not)
And go on to describe their ideal

They gossip somewhat more than you'd guess
Each other, relationships, and sports they address
Always needling their friends
And it never offends!
And conversations, well--they can digress

All of them have a dirty mind
After all, they're men--it's a trait of their kind.
They'll take what I say
Twist it every which way
Some more than others, I find.

Being the only girl, it's not very good
When they don't filter as I feel they should
They talk about their parts
Don't conceal their farts--
There are times I would leave if I could!

They all enjoy a really good fight
The short ones are always self-conscious of their height
"Getting the girls" as they say
(As if we were prey!!)
Is something in which they all delight

There is much more that I could say
But to write this poem would take all day!
So don't think I'm dumb
Or some kind of bum
When I tell you that I'm on my way!

-Ashley "the token girl" Stale

I need you now more than before.

Sin is a slippery slope, kids.
Don't give into the small stuff, and it won't lead to the big stuff.

I'm really in-shape now. I'm kinda proud of that.
Just wanted to throw that out there.

My mom made the connection today that losing weight is a lot like spending money. Well, inversely. Allow me to explain. It's very easy to spend money. Let's say I make 8 dollars an hour, and I work for five hours a day.
In one day, I go to lunch at Subway and spend 5 dollars. Let's say I get gas, and it costs 25 dollars. I then go to a movie, and it costs 8 dollars. I have almost used up an entire day's worth of pay. It's so hard to make money, and it's so easy to spend money...

Related is losing weight. Apparently one pound is 3,600 calories. Whenever I work out for like a half an hour, I burn about 300 calories. That's the same amount of calories as like three cookies. Sometimes people think that if they work out, they can eat whatever they want, but it's so easy to eat more than you just burned off. Just eating 500 extra calories a day can make you gain a pound each week. It's so hard to burn weight off; it's so easy to gain it back.

--------------------------

It's been raining every day since I've gotten back to Titusville. The thunderstorms started early this year, or maybe I'm just late.

Wow, it's Saturday. Without even meaning to, I haven't posted for three days. That doesn't happen very often!

I guess my life is just so full that I don't have time to post anymore (cough).

I smell some dinner (that I didn't make) that I am going to eat soon. Oh the beauties of living at home.

So I was talking with a friend the other day, and I concluded that cuteness and coolness are mutually exclusive. It's not possible to be both very cute and very cool. According to what I hear people say, I am very cute--but I have almost never been called cool (except when it's a joke..."real cool, ashley..."). Can you imagine, like, the Fonz being called cute? Of course not. He's cool.

You can be a little bit cute and a little bit cool. That's okay. Just not the extremes.

I wrote some more limericks today, continuing the series about the guys in my life who make good limerick topics. Here's one:

This one likes to take what I say
And twist it around in every which way
He gives me some cheek
Every time I speak
Sigh--that's the way some boys play!

I was cleaning out my drawers the other day, updating my room for grad school Ashley, and I found a peculiar envelope of letters. I went to a private Catholic school for two and half years in New York before I moved to Florida. The envelope that I found contained a letter from each of my fellow students in my class. Here are the transcripts, which I will call Letters from Children of Seven:

Dear Ashley,
I miss you very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very much. The Christmas play was good. Plese combak. We made snowflakes they ar Butifull. Danyll is Bak. we hav snow. weareomustfinishs with lowercas cuerof. wehaveanewrueitsblew. i will alwazs remeberyou.
Love,
Anieta

Dear Ashley,
I miss you very much. We got a new rug. How do you like Florida. How was your Christmas. We amost lerd all the cursive letters in lowercase.
Your friend,
Victor

Dear Ashley,
I miss you very very much! We are omost dun with crsof. We hav a nuw rug the cutr is blew. Weonute have 24 mor days of scull left. How was your Chrismis. I hop you will cum bak and vissit suwn.
Love,
Steph

Dear Ashley,
I miss you very very very much. I Got a barbie car for Christmas and a Barbie with a bike and lots and lots of other things. What did you get for Christmas? How is Florida? hope you had a nice Christmas!
Your friend,
Marissa

Dear Ashley,
I missyouvery very much. We got a new rug is blue. I gotfor Christmas mus a sega.
Love Dannyl
Your friend,
Dannyl

Dear Ashley,
I miss you very, very, very much. The letters weve done in cursive are a b c d e f h i j k l m n o p r s t u v w x.
Your friend,
Geoff

Dear Ashley,
we all miss you very very very very much we are gana muss you liek a clas I dont know a bot you dut I am runing out of ting to say ok thats it am out of things to say. Your frund,
Steven

Dear Ashley,
I miss youto. we got a new rug and were doing cursive exam and I hope you got what you wanted for Christmas I got half of it. we are not makeing are first camunyun we're not makeing it till third grade. But we are makeing first penints.
Your friend,
Andy

Dear Ashley,
I miss you very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very much. weve Ben Dooning lots of stuff. Do you like it There. hoh is it There. Thes are The litters wev londer a v s m n d b p v l u k h j f c
From,
Dan

Dear Ashley,
I miss you very very very much. Did you swim in the water? We lind cursive litter do you like your soli
Your friend,
Bryan

Dear Ashley,
I miss you a lot. I miss you very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very much. Hope you got the stuff you wated for Christmas. I got for Christmas 2 101 dalmation. Hope you have a good time in Florida.
Your friend,
Stacy

Dear Ashley,
I miss you very very mash you to. did you gut wat you watin for christmas. I did. did you gat tallre I did I will owewase mist you.
Love yaor fond,
Andrew

Dear Ashley,
I miss you very very very very very very Much. We got a new reg and it is blue. I Like you a lots. I got a kittin puzze from Christmas. My cats miss you to. I like your brie Hoses a lot.
Love your friend,
Caitlin

Dear Ashley,
I miss you too very very much. It is not fun being the only Ashley. Is it as much fun in Florida? The Christmas play went great. Did you have one? Well like I said I miss you.
Your friend,
Ashley

Dear Ashley,
I miss you very very Mach. what I got for christmas is a compuder I hope you lean cursive I hope you lern it soon.
From,
Michael

Dear Ashley,
We only have 4 more letters to lern and thoes are y, z, q, and g. We lerned Agativs. oh I hope you start your New Yera on the right Foot. I miss you very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very much.
Your friend,
Megan

Dear Ashley,
I Love you I wonder if you will ever come back to boffalo and come back to are school. oh! gess what my Grandma and my Granpa live in Florida to so maybe you will see them. Love your best freind,
Caitlin

Dear Ashley,
I'm sorry you haven't started cursive yet. We are almost finished with the lowercase letter. I miss you alot. I hope you had a nice Christmas. My two favorite gifts were a computer and a bike. I wish you were back with us. Corduroy is fine. Danielle is back.
Love,
Caitlin

Dear Ashley,
I miss you vary much to. I got my favorit present it was jumpsie. she jumps all by her self. I wish you had a vary good Christmas! I did. We swiced math groups and reding groups. Now we don't write about Corduroy we write about Danell.
Your friend,
Joelle

-----

(They lose a little bit of the charm without the handwriting. Still, quite charming.)

Friendship--I mean real, true friendship--is the best that life offers.

If you know what I'm talkin' about, RAISE YO HAND!

These kids



are my favorite.

Titusville ultimate happened today. HEY GUYS I'M GOOD NOW. So fun. I couldn't stop playing. I'll probably be feeling it tomorrow.

Somehow I've become the jerk that always calls the fouls. I'm okay with that.

Hello readers! I guess I forgot to mention: I'm back in Titusville for the summer. I already miss everyone in Tallahassee like woah, but I truly do love it here at home, where the grass is green, the carpet is soft, and the silverware is shiny. I also eat a lot more nutritiously when I don't have to cook for myself. Pretty great.

I do feel a strong urge to return to Tally sometime in the near future. Maybe for the women's ultimate clinic the weekend of the 30th.

Work is the same as it has always been. Free, isolated, monotonous, and in all ways uneventful. NPR didn't replace their anchor, they just stream a Minnesota NPR station. Laaame. Still, it's good music. I got to hear the Butterfly Lover's Concerto today. So beautiful..

I think I am going to join the Orlando Ultimate League. One day a week of Titusville pickup isn't going to cut it for me. I need to see a disc flying through the air once again...

ALSO I'm planning a summer recital for Titusville again this year. It's still in the early planning stages right now, but I can tell you already that it's going to be a really fun and awesome program (how could it NOT be an awesome program, if I am choosing the music?). I'm thinking music of the Americas, with dances from the south and Americana of the north.

First game night of the summer tonight! GET PUMPED PEOPLE.

My body is craving ultimate.

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.

So, my post from a year ago has been published. How splendid! Now it's Future Ashley talking to Past Ashley:

Hello Ashley of the Past!!!
Nice to talk to you again! It's really great how things have worked out! Turns out that I'm going to Arizona State for grad school next year, and you are right--it IS very exciting for me! When you were writing that post, you thought that I might still stay in Tallahassee, but no...I'm moving on, moving out, jumping ship.

The audition process was...a process. Ha. I applied to five schools, traveled to and auditioned for four schools, got accepted to two schools, and eventually chose the one that I will attend next year, which incidentally was my favorite one. I'm a Sun Devil now!

My senior recital seems like such a long time ago--I guess a lot happens in a year! I got to play summer music with the best quintet, but I backed out on the Mozart quartet and took on Prokofiev Sonata instead. It was a challenge, but a rewarding one!

My parents and Craig are doing well, and by the grace of God all of my relatives are still in wonderful health. That is, except for the pets--there have been two recent doggie deaths in the family recently. It's IS sad.

You're right--the idol David battle is old news! Cook ended up winning. I think the finale for this season is this week. I haven't really been watching, so I'm not sure who it's between this year.

As for romantic relationships...oh brother. No, no serious relationships have cropped up since last year, but that doesn't mean that those boys have not brought me grief. I'm always breaking hearts and they are always breaking mine, nothing really changes there, it's just with different guys each time. It's something I've come to expect out of life, and it's really a good time if nothing at all is going on in that department.

Something you probably would never expect that happened this year is that I have gotten really into ultimate frisbee. Come to think of it, a year ago...I had no idea how to even play!!! Wow, it's amazing what can happen in a year. Yeah, I started playing pickup with the gang last summer, shortly after you posted, and then I took a class at FSU, then I found out about the Tallahassee ultimate league, I got more and more involved, and eventually it became an important part of my life. I actually just got back from a playing with a team at a tournament. Funny how it built up like that without me even noticing it.

Come to think of it, it's funny that I play ultimate at all. The first time I played, I absolutely HATED it. Remember that? I had no idea what was happening--so frustrating--and I was so bad that I told myself that I would never play again. Why do something if you're so terrible at it that you bring yourself down? But all my friends were doing it, and since I didn't want to be left out of the activities, I decided to give it another try. I was still bad, but I eventually learned at least the rules of how to play.

I'm definitely not built for the sport, what with no hand-eye coordination, no power, no height, and very little speed. Basically, I had no athletic talent (as a sidenote, I DO have one athletic talent--I'm quite flexible. But that really doesn't help at all in most sports). But eventually I came to love the game, looked forward to playing every week, and got much better, and now here I am. I've met a whole new group of people who really opened my eyes up to a new kind of happiness. I had resided in music box land (at school) and nerd land (at home) and now I have expanded to sport land (at play). It's a different world, and if you don't believe me, come along home with me and then to tournaments and I'll show you what I mean.

(It's late, I'm tired and man am I writing a lot tonight.)

Anyway, Past Ashley, I guess the moral of this past year has been: don't be afraid to try new things, because you never know where they will lead you. A year ago, I was just another flute player practicing hour upon hour in a little box, and that was the only earthly thing I could rely on. Now I've found something...else. I've found that balance between work and play. Let's hope I can keep it.

Allright I'm really tired so I'm going to stop typing now. Bye Past Ashley, it was really nice talking to you again.

Love,
Future (now present) Ashley

Well, Surf and Turf was pretty dang great. However, I don't feel like writing about all that at the moment, so I won't. Maybe you'll get the lowdown eventually. My guess would be no.

Right now, I'm packing all my stuff up, getting ready to move back home tomorrow. This is my last night as a resident of Tallahassee. I feel like I have wrapped everything up sufficiently. There are a couple loose ends that may or may not get be fixed--but aren't there always? I remember leaving high school with a few loose ends, and everything seemed to work out okay (or did it?? dun dun duuuuuuun).

Packing four years worth of stuff is not really that fun--that's why I planned to give myself an entire day to do it.

Today is May 17, 2008.

Yeah, that's right.
2008.
This is Ashley of the Past speaking.
I just figured out that blogger has this feature where you can write a post and have it scheduled to publish in the future. Cool, eh? So this is the Ashley of 11:00 PM, May 17, 2008, writing a note to Ashley of the Future, scheduled to publish May 17, 2009.

Dear Future Ashley,
What up dawg! How are things going? I hope you're in good health and not dead. How's the whole grad school thing going for ya? That's probably what you're concerning yourself with right now, but I could be wrong because I don't know the future! How was the year with Mark as a roomate? Crazy? Fun? Miserable? And your senior recital, how'd that go? Did you end up playing Summer Music and a Mozart Quartet?

I just watched LOST tonight. It was terrible. I thought I was going to find out how the Oceaninc Six got off the island, but I didn't! Do you still follow that show? Do you know how it ends yet? And American Idol...I find out next week whether David Cook or David Archaletta will win (I'm guessing Archaletta but I probably would like to see Cook win). But that news will be a year old by the time you read this!
How's mom and dad and Craig? Doing well, I hope! The Batcho grandparents celebrated their 53rd (I think) anniversary today, so when you read this it should be number 54! Wow!

Did you graduate? I can't see why you wouldn't, but again, I don't know the future!

It's crazy to think that by the time you read this, your life could be generally the same as it is right now, but it could also be soo different. I could win a job (I take OPO second flute audition in a week, we'll see how that goes!), or a beloved family member could die, God forbid, or I could be in a serious relationship (not too serious, I hope, as it will be less than a year long), or one of my good friends could get married, or any number of other things. The world could end before this post could even get published.

So look over what you have accomplished in the year, how different you are from what you were a year ago. The change could be great or small, I have no idea as I write this. But as I trust in Jesus Christ, I believe that it is for the best! So here's to the unknown future and everything it has to offer!

Love,
Ashley of the Past
May 17, 2008

Dude, I just realized that in an earlier post I wrote "asses" when I meant to write "assess." That might just be my funniest blooper ever!

Four years of the same old thing, of no change, and then BAM!!! Two solid months of nothing but new. And these are all new experiences, all of them. I have to wonder how much these welcoming strangers have really affected me--have I been changed for good?

Another ultimate adventure for me this weekend: Surf 'N Turf in Destin. I am SO excited! We're camping out for this one, and I don't have a tent of my own, sooo...I'm hoping someone will have some extra space for me. Oops..anyway, it's pretty much the first time I've ever been camping, so very exciting. I reeeeeeeeally hope it doesn't rain.

I'm feeling a lot more confident about my ultimate abilities nowadays. People throw to me more, I screw up less, my throwing is getting better (still has a long way to go...), and I know what's going on at least most of the time. And actually, I know for sure that I am faster and more athletic then when I started this nonsense. It's not only something I can feel--it's something I can SEE. A girl I was playing with the other day asked if I played soccer because I "look like a soccer girl." That was a real compliment to me--I look like I play a sport now! How about that?

Anyway, as far as the playing goes, I'm sure I will play much better at this tournament, if only because I feel more confident. It's worth a lot.

And then there's the party to look forward to...heh. I trust that I will have a good time. Good, clean fun--it's what I do. (Hear that, you guys? GOOD CLEAN FUN.)

So bye for now, I won't be posting at least till Sunday, and then I'm sure I'll be tired like no tomorrow. You know, from running for two days straight.

P.S. To body: don't get injured. That's an order.
P.P.S. I've never been on a team before this year. I love it.

BYE

So many farewells...

Embracing the city--neither of you wish to leave, but it's late, it's late, and you both have been forced to admit that it is time to do what must be done. And so you part little by little, feeling the sting of longing with each inch of separation, holding on until only your fingertips still faintly meet...and then, you're apart, and you're left alone to ponder upon departing from that which you loved so dearly.

Say you to me:
"You're a bird with an eye for anything shiny."

I guess what goes around comes around, huh? You reap what you sow and all that?

I think my biggest problem with sin (besides envy--that's a big one for me) is not taking charge of my life. I don't listen to my gut--too often I just go with the flow, don't really think about the implications of what is happening in the present moment, and when I eventually find out what the implications are, it's too late. I didn't stand up for myself, for what I believe is right, when it could have made a difference. And eventually what I could have prevented has come to pass, and I must pay. In more ways than one.

In January you've still got the choice
You can cut the weeds before they start to bud
If you leave them to grow higher, they'll silence your voice
And in December you may pay with your blood

My heart hurts.
(A little.)

Today's national limerick day, apparently. These are the best kind of poems in my opinion. I've posted this before, but I like it so much that I'll post it again. I wrote this a while ago (not about anybody in particular, don't get your panties in a bunch):

Persistence is the valuable key
To getting what you want, don't you agree?
But it'd make him blue
If he ever knew
That I wish he wasn't persistent with ME

So, surprising my mom was all it's cracked up to be.

Man, the Club Pub on Tennessee has probably the best-looking patrons out of all Publixes in the world. If FSU's got one thing going for it, it's attractive people, no joke.

Oh, and I got all A's this semester. I ended with a 3.9 GPA exactly, if anyone cares. Which you don't.

I think it's safe to say now...I came home to surprise my mom for mother's day! Still haven't seen her yet, that elusive mother, but I will, and it'll be so great. This might be my best idea ever.

It was kind of a nice drive this time. Gave me time to think, to transition, to sort out, to asses. And music too...music can be good for the soul. I listened to this CD, the Shakespeare in Love soundtrack, and the opening title is really so uplifiting, it's almost like you can breathe in the music, feel its healing power flowing through you like air...

(Edit: the word I was looking for was process, but I couldn't think of it that late at night. Gave me time to process all the stuff that has been going down.)

But not in the old way!

The cruise...

We spent two days at sea and two days on islands. Our room was really awesome, with two bathrooms and a balcony. The food was unbelievable. One of the three pools on the ship had a theatre-sized screen in front of it so you could watch movies while swimming.

The shows were the best I've ever seen on a cruise. Special effects out the wazoo, Disney songs and characters, and of course really good dancing (and singing). No live musicians though! And I got to see Earth. It was really good, some really amazing shots there, and really can't back away on James Earl Jones, go see it.

What else...there were a lot of kids there. The demographic was pretty much the same as you see at Dinsey theme parks. That's okay though. I like kids.

I had lobster twice. I laid in a hammock for 4 hours. I got a facial. Be jealous.

I think I gained weight. I can feel it.

Anyway, now I'm back, and I'm pretty much ready to party every day till I start work on the 20th. YOOOOOO

It's late. I'm tired. Cruise was great, maybe I'll tell you about it later (in 10 words or less, as Sam suggested), now I'm back in Tally. I drove here bearing an inexplicable sadness. Maybe I'll be able to explain someday.

I graduated. Congratulations, me!

To celebrate, I'm going on a Bahama cruise vacation with Mickey Mouse and three friends for four days! Yeah, I'm pretty awesome.

I'll tell you all about it on Thursday...maybe.
For now, though, peace out loyal readers and take a break from my craziness for a while.

P.S. I love Sunday secrets.

GRADUATION TURBO BOOST GO!!!!!

Yeah, so, uh, I graduate tomorrow. I'M GOING TO HAVE A DEGREE IN MUSIC PERFORMANCE. BE IMPRESSED PEOPLE.

To attack without knowing the enemy's strength is foolish

Prokofiev Romeo and Juliet...some of the greatest music ever written. This is one that I probably will never stop coming back to.

I love greeting people I know when I pass them in the halls of the music school. I feel like I know the entire college of music at this point (it's probably half-true). I'm really going to miss that. Nowadays, every time I smile and wave at somebody and give a little greeting, I think to myself, "is this the last time I will ever see her (or him)?" It's kind of sad. There are a lot of really great people here.

I've been thinking lately, and I've decided that the vast majority of the world are nice, normal people. Think of all the people you know--for example, I have 588 friends on facebook--and out of those people, there are like maybe 2 or 3 who I wouldn't want to hang out with. It's those few people that give the human race such a bad rep.

How much does it cost?

...I'll buy it.

I don't even know anymore.

Whoo mama, I slept for 13 hours tonight, and it was glorious.

I can't really remember how to play flute or piano, so we'll see how my piano lesson goes today...wow, I'm going to go practice.

I'm back from Bradenton, and man, what a weekend it was! Soooooo much ultimate, crazy good ultimate. I learned a ton in just two days. I got to play a lot, earned a plethora of experience points, played with some really awesome teammates...all in all, a wonderful ultimate experience.

Fortunately, I didn't learn more than I bargained for--I know that can happen in trips like this. You know...TMI and all that. No TMI here.

The Saturday party was pretty sweet. If drinking brings out your true personality, I must be a very happy person deep down. Dancing, laughing, creeping, punching people, telling horrible jokes, and yelling AWWWWWW YEEEEAAAAHHH. (Several bets were made that night. The funniest one was based on how many times I would say AWWWWW YEEEAAAAAAAHH. The least funny one was also based on a prediction of my actions. I don't think I was supposed to know about that one; nevertheless, I DID NOT APPRECIATE IT. Jerks...)

The other parts of the trip were...ha. Let's see, I drove for 10 hours with a car full of guys (you can draw your own conclusions there)...ate a total of like one real meal the entire weekend (and that was at the very end)...spent hour upon hour in the April Florida sun...slept like 10 hours for the entire weekend...ran until I could run no more...so yeah, I am exhausted right now. No joke, I'm about to pass out on the keyboard this very moment. Time to sleep...

Paganini is Johnny from Devil Went Down to Georgia.

Man, I'm doing the traffic school thing right now, and this grammar is SO BAD sometimes. I've been facepalming the whole time. I mean, I don't have the best grammar in the world, but I'm not a professional writer for traffic school. Here's an example:

A problem to be aware of is when leaving an alley or driveway.

So many things wrong with that sentence.

RUF end-of-the-year banquet tonight. I was honored to be one of only three seniors leaving. I might never see some of those people again. It was sad :( RUF has been a really good influence in my life.

-------------------------------

So, going to Bradenton for an ultimate tournament this weekend. I definitely have mixed emotions about mixed emotions, but for the most part, it sounds extremely fun.

Here is what is going to happen:
-I'm going to play ultimate frisbee to the best of my ability. I'm not going to be as good as the people around me, but it will be okay, because it's what God gave me to work with and God is never wrong.
-I'm going to be happy Ashley and have a rockin' good time at the party.
-I am going to make wise choices.
-I am going to come home in one piece.

Here is what is not going to happen:
-I'm going to complain endlessly about my frustrations and how bad I am at ultimate.
-I am going to be grumpy the whole time.
-I am going to make bad choices.
-I am going to come home injured (or worse).

SMELL YA LATER

Man, life is so good. I picked up my cap and gown and graduation tickets today. It's happening. I'm going to have a degree!

I also had my last lesson with Prof. Amsler today. It was a little sad, but it was a happy kind of sadness, more of a celebration of what we have achieved together. I will definitely miss her, but we are both happy that I will be growing more, and I will always cherish in my heart the words of wisdom that she gave to me. What a special person, one of a kind really...

I am SO excited about Arizona State. I really am. I guess I have set my sights slightly to the future once more, now that I have decided. I have no doubts that I made the right choice. I feel like I somehow knew all along, I knew where I would end up before my auditions even started. Do you ever have a feeling like that, that you know that something is going to happen because it just feels right? That's how I've felt about ASU throughout this process (before, during, and after). I'm going to be very happy there, because it's where I'm supposed to be. End of story.

The best part is that I'm not scared. Anyone in my family could tell you that I do not take well to change. It's a very strong part of my personality, that I am a staunch traditionalist (I'm the textbook ESTJ). So I could very easily see myself dragging my feet along to any other school, if I wasn't sure of my choice. The change would kill me. But this is me living thousands of miles away in a different culture, a different style of life, knowing nobody, and knowing nothing about the city, and I am welcoming the change because I am ready! The time is right, and I'm ready to take on the challenges that lie ahead. GIVE ME AN AWWWWWW YEEEEAAAH!!!!



So full of joy right now!

10 points to whoever can guess where this is from:

There's a great big beautiful tomorrow
Shining at the end of every day
There's a great big beautiful tomorrow
And tomorrow's just a day away

My neighbors are hilarious. Their plan is so obvious. These are two college guys. They bought this extremely cute puppy (I mean, like cuteness factor blows the roof off, or however that saying goes), and they hardly ever wear shirts. They have a shirt on like less than 10% of the time I see them. And they'll wander around the parking lot, just wandering, playing with their puppy with no shirts. WHAT DO YOU THINK THEIR PRIMARY OBJECTIVE IS???

Is there something inherently funny about this song?

(I love it just the same...probably even in my top 25.)