Good Spitfire practice tonight.

A-Rod made it to 600 home runs, and I don't care what you think, I'm going to be happy for him! So THERE!

I've learned a lot about myself this summer, and one thing that I've learned is that I'm just really, really scared. About everything. What is it that made me so cautious?

I often see people with very simple lives. My life has never really been simple. Most of all now.

Wellp, I have Internet and television back in my apartment, so goodbye to productivity!

I called my brother 2,000 miles away to find a piece of information that I couldn't get because I don't have Internet access. This is getting out of hand.

So I am not "authorized" to call and tell them Internet dudes that they should fix things. So still no Internet at home. Derp. In other news, last night I fell asleep to a thunderstorm here in AZ--it was the first time ever!

I still don't have Internet. Boo.

I've only been back for a couple of hours and everything has managed to go wrong so far. I am at the music library and I will probably have to ride back home on a bike with a flat tire. Oh woe is me.

Wellp, this is it, kids. My last day in Florida until at least November. It's a sad day. I love my friends and family here so much, and four weeks doesn't seem long enough to do these relationships justice. I am especially disappointed that I didn't get a chance for a lot of one-on-one interaction with my closest friends; my main reason for coming back was to work, and work I did.

This has definitely been a trip of soul-searching, fighting through feelings on various topics. I'm coming back a different person. I think I learned a lot about myself in the process--for example, I haven't picked up my flute in about two weeks, and I'm not that bothered about it. More to come on this topic later, when the time is right...

I don't know what the future holds for me, and I don't want to lie and say that I'm okay with that, because I'm kind of not. However, I have lived long enough to know that even when uncertainty strikes...wherever I go, whatever I do these next 9 months, God will lead me and I need to remember that the only place to fall is into God's hands.

It's been fun, friends. I love you, but goodbye. For now.

Yup, tonight is my last night in Florida for a while. I'll wait to write all of the bittersweet goodbyes for tomorrow, and instead talk about my day at Universal Studios Islands of Adventure!

It was an awesome day with my family. We were forewarned to not enter Harry Potter World until the afternoon, advice which we took and which turned out to be genius. All of the other lines were 5-20 minutes long. We did 5 rides before 10:30!

Harry Potter world was pretty awesome. All of the usual suspects were there: Diagon Alley with of its shops, Hogsmeade, Hogwarts, Hagrid's Cabin. It was really cool seeing all of these come to life, although the shops were obnoxiously busy (you had to wait in line just to get in!).



My favorite part of the day was dinner at the Three Broomsticks, where my family ordered "The Great Feast," which included four servings of salad, chicken, ribs, corn on the cob, potatoes, and vegetables. And all of it was AMAZING. Also, I got a butterbeer, and even though it appeared to be merely cream soda with whipped cream on top, looks are deceiving and it was nothing but delicious (also I got a real kick out of my mom ordering "two butterbeers"...in all seriousness).



We did all of the rides and shows in the park by 6:00, which is saying something because the park closes at 10:00 so we still had four hours to roam. We were tired though and so after another Jurassic Park run, another walkthough of Harry Potter World, and a few songs at CityWalk's piano bar, we went home, spending most of the time in the car discussing which instruments could represent each of us (in case you were wondering: me=banjo, Craig=trombone, dad=bass, and mom=pipe organ. Let me know if you want more details). Yup, this is the conversation you get when you are a Stahl sibling.

Going away party tonight, and then it's back to Tempe, back on the practice horse for a while. Only about one more month of unbearable heat, then it's at least back to highs under 100 degrees. Man, I am going to miss these high 80's days...

Universal was awesome, and so was butterbeer. Post with pics to follow, right now I feel like my eyelids are too heavy to still be open....

Universal Studios tomorrow. Yeah Harry Potter world!

When you are trying to make a believer out of somebody, it can be frustrating work. You can make cases for your arguments, but he still may not buy them. You can recommend books, but he may not read them. You can witness, and pray, and lead by example, and still a person may not believe. You cannot force someone to believe. It has to be a decision made by free will. It may take years and years, but once he realizes the truth on his own terms--well that is a beautiful thing, and all of your efforts and suffering are finally worth it.

In his heart a man plans his course
But the LORD determines his steps.
-Proverbs 16:9

Today was a fantastic, fantastic, fantastic day.
J-KOW. Or was it K-JOW?

Cookies are NOT yuck!

I was running for a disc today when I made a misstep and someone stepped on my heel. My new cleat and my sock flew into the air! It was exciting.

My cold sore friend is back :(

Do doo

As a follow up to my last post, I would just like to point out certain words that rhyme with "Ash:"

Bash
Clash
Crash
Dash
Flash
Gash
Lash
Mash
Slash
Smash
Splash

How many other names rhyme with so many EXTREME words, huh? NONE, that's how many!
SMASHLEY SMASHES

Second day of the tourney today. We went 1-1 and placed 5th overall (out of 7), although the 8th seed didn't show, so we probably would have been 5th out of 8 if they did.

ANYWAY
I did something special in a game today. I say that speed and running are my strong points; this probably proves it. I was out on the field playing offense for a long, long point. Of course I was running my hardest at all times, making sharp cuts both in and out, deep and short. I had my defender beat the whole time. Finally we made it to the endzone. My teammate was running out of time to get rid of the disc, so in a panic he throws a hammer just out of my reach (my fingertips brushed the edge of the disc).

Right after that turnover, my defender practically collapsed on the ground, utterly spent. She was heaving with a look of pain on her face, almost crying. I was confused for a second--did she have asthma?--and then I realized--she didn't have asthma...but I had totally literally run her to the ground. It was so bad that she had to sub out for an injury substitution.

I tried to be as cool about it as possible...but I couldn't help but secretly feel like a superior being at that moment. I say I am not physically strong, but perhaps that's not completely true. There is more than one way to be strong.

Wow. First day of the tourney today. We played 5 games in a row (!) from 9:30-6:00. I have never played that many consecutive games in my life. We went 2-3 and pretty much played as expected. Poached and Fried has always kind of been a mid-range team. I got a lot of playing time, playing about half of the time. It was fun to see everyone again, although I only knew about half of the people on my team. A lot happens in a year, I guess!

My cleats are starting to show their age. Time to go shopping!

Poached and Fried! It's been a year since I've last seen this team (refresher: it's the Tallahassee mixed team I played with last year), but we will be reunited this weekend for the Swan Boat Championship tournament in Orlando. I am so excited! YAY ULTIMATE!

So at work today I thought of a funny ultimate play. Imagine if right after the pull, all 7 players on the defense lined up in the middle of the field, linked arms, and pulled a red rover-esque type horizontal stack. Nobody would be able to get through! Hahaha! It would be funny!

My mom's spin instructor thought I was 12 :(

For reasons I'd rather not go into right now, this particular trip home hasn't been a terribly easy one for me, and after so much stress, fatigue and hardship, it's important to realize and appreciate the good times. Tonight, and at this moment, I am happy. (And really, with emotions, the present is all that matters, is it not?)

With a little help from my friends, I have a plan to map out my future, and I finally feel comfortable about it.

(All of my roads lead to more school and more debt. Oops! My bad.)

On an unrelated note, sometimes it saddens that I cannot have all the things that I desire. There is such a strong urge at times to HAVE certain things...

You can't always get what you want.
---
You get what you need.

Hmmm...

You have a green face and a big orange nose.

Karen...I don't know if you will ever see this, but you are a magnificent person. Thank you.

...and that summer rain, it's in your face again...

A storm is coming. From my westward window I can see..the wind runs through the palm trees in frenzied agitation..the lightning flashes across the darkened sky...the mighty thunder rumbles and roars...the first raindrops splash across my windowpane. The deluge will soon begin. I had forgotten what this feels like.

I was talking with a friend yesterday and at one point in the conversation I said "You reap what you sow." I was caught off guard, however, when my friend asked in response, "But do you sow what you reap?"

Well do you?

Also, this is the only popular rap song I've ever liked.

I dd'ed for a drunk Craig tonight. Oh brother...

(see what I did there?)

Still tired, but tomorrow is Friday. Partay.

I'm tired and stressed, but at least I got to see Paul on my computer screen today.

Jake and Vienna interview lawlz! Who didn't see that coming???

Also, I've been watching the Bachelor (or the Bachelorette) for a long time now (c'mon, everyone has a trashy show that they watch as a guilty pleasure), and it's crazy to think that all of the guys used to be WAY too old for me, and I thought they all looked bad, but now they are attractive and age-appropriate to me. I'm old.

I am real, and the thing I like most about you is that you are real too.

Happy Independence Day!

Things seem different this time around. Maybe I have changed. Maybe it hasn't been long enough yet. Maybe things actually are different.

This summer I have meant to do some soul searching, figure out what the heck I am doing with my life; however, every time I gaze into my future, I end up digging deeper and deeper into the well of confusion and indecision. At this soon-to-be crossroads in my life, there are many decisions to be made, more decisions than the outside world can see with their eyes. And for one who is always so cautious, they weigh heavily on my mind. Risks, my friends. And consequences. There are always consequences.

(Do I know what true sadness feels like yet? Or maybe the better question is, do I know what true HAPPINESS feels like yet?)

Heavenly Father...help me in my time of need.

I am so hormonal right now.

I went to a Zoomba class with my mom today. The walls are covered by mirrors on all sides. I picked up most of the moves pretty easily, but man, I did not look good doing them. All this time I have been thinking that I am an average--or even good--dancer, but that is just not the case. Why didn't anyone ever tell me that I look like a lame square string bean when I dance?

After 6 years (yes, 6 years!) of working at the health department, I have finally made a friend. :) I never thought this day would come.

Wellp, Tituaville ultimate is a little different than I remember.

The level is as expected lower than I am used to playing with in Phoenix, but that is not what bothers me (I'll play with new players all day. It improves my skills on offense because I have to be more accurate in my throws.) What bothers me is that we played with 20 people on the field. Even before I really started getting into the sport, I hated playing with this many people at a time. It clogs the field, and as my primary strength in the game is speed, it makes me frustrated that I cannot find a place to run.

Just to beat a dead horse, here is a chart of how I am used to setting up when I play, in a horizontal stack with three handlers and four cutters. The blue dots are the offense, the red dots are the defense, and the green dot represents (hypothetically) me:



See? It's easy to make a cut to the handlers, make a cut deep, and to see what all of your teammates are going to do.

Here is a diagram of what Titusville ultimate looked like tonight, with the same colors representing the same things.



There's nowhere to run, and the field is just clogged with people. Can you see my frustration?

(And yes, I would like some cheese with that whine. I never say no to cheese!)

Titusville ultimate tonight!

So it's turns out that the Orlando NPR station doesn't play music anymore, only news. BUT it doesn't matter anyway because for some reason my old radio won't pick up the station at all anymore. Sigh. So much for being musically productive at work.

P.S. I am cold. ALL THE TIME.

Okay, so I went to Cracker Barrel with my family today. 2 of us ordered catfish, and both times the word "catfish" was said to the waitress, my dad was very loudly made a cat noise. "MEOW!"

Also, I start work tomorrow in a new place and a new set of faces. Even though this place is closer, I'd rather be working in the Titusville Health Department, Where Everybody Knows My Name.

Wellp, I'm in Florida. The work has not commenced yet, but the fun has! Yesterday we went boating and then out to celebrate my brother's 25th birthday. If you know him at all, you know he's quite the party animal. Things got a little crazy (not a lot crazy, just a little) at the piano bar, and a good time was had by all.

Also, unrelated, here is a conversation I had with a student of mine:

E: "I didn't get a lot of time to practice this week. I had the trip, and then [insert list of excuses]."
A: "That's okay. Sometimes weeks will come when you don't get a lot time to practice. It happens to everybody. Just last week I was only able to practice for 5 hours."
E: "5 hours in a week? How much do you usually practice?? Wait...do you practice an HOUR A DAY???"

lol

What a night!

Duuuurrrr, I made it to Florida. Yeah airplanes!

I'm on a PLANE!!!

I take off from Phoenix Sky Harbor in t-3 hours. And it's my first nonstop flight in, oh, I don't know, like 7-8 years. I am so excited! Florida (and money) here I come!

Florida tomorrow! And I'm feeling a bit under the weather right now. Ah well. The sum is the same.

I'm going to see my BOYS tonight at the D'backs field! Dan Haren vs. Andy Pettite! GO YANKEES!

Looking forward to being in Florida again!

Edit: my Internet is still down which explains my lack of blogging lately. Apologies.

Okay, the weather.com predictions for Tempe the next nine days are really funny:

Fri--sunny. high of 106. 0% chance of rain.
Sat--sunny. high of 105. 0% chance of rain.
Sun--sunny. high of 104. 0% chance of rain.
Mon--sunny. high of 104. 0% chance of rain.
Tue--sunny. high of 105. 0% chance of rain.
Wed--sunny. high of 107. 0% chance of rain.
Thu--sunny. high of 106. 0% chance of rain.
Fri--sunny. high of 107. 0% chance of rain.
Sat--sunny. high of 107. 0% chance of rain.


The weather here is a little predictable right now.

Brittney and I cancelled our cable a while ago. It took them about two months to come out and shut everything off. Two months of free channels--I'm okay with that. They were also nice enough to break my Internet in the process, free of charge! Since that's in Brittney's name, I'm going to have a really good time trying to get it fixed.

Bottom line: my Internet is derped.

Yesterday was terrible! I have no Internet and no television! I didn't realize how much I depend on those two things. I felt lost. Right now I am at the music library--and have just spent an hour catching up on a day's worth of Internet-ing. It's terrible.

I don't think I am going to try to call and have it fixed though. I only have a week left here and it'll be annoying, but heavens knows that even if I do manage to get all of the required account info AND make them believe that I am authorized to make decisions on the account, you know it will take them weeks to fix it. Cable companies are like that.

Uh, anyway, here's a cool song to make the post better: Neo Love...new love.

No I cannot forget where it is that I come from
I cannot forget the people who love me
Yeah, I can be myself here in this small town
And people let me be just what I want to be

Back to T-ville in 9 days!

It must cost less in AZ to get personalized plates, because I see them all the time! Today I spotted one: MNYPNNY. Made me smile :)

P: "How are you so attractive?"
A: "I play ultimate."

Back. Great tourney, tons of fun. Tired and sore :( But not too tired for Settlers!

Ultimate tourney this weekend: Mohini in Flagstaff. I'm playing on a Phoenix team with various VOTS kids. Our theme is pretty kickin': Mohini Militia, and we'll wear camo. Should be fun!

I think we have more control over our destinies than we often think we do. We say, oh, I can't control this, I can't control that. And we meekly receive what life alone offers us, sinking into acceptance of a life which is less than the potential. And we often forget to acknowledge that there is always a choice. We underestimate our own abilities--if only we had the courage to take hold of life, to demand, to demand upon love...wouldn't this be a better world for all?

Happiness is possible. But it's not always easy.

(I just told my story to a wall. Hope you liked it, wall.)

My first game of Risk ever (and this is the nerdy and awesome Lord of the Rings version), and this is how it ended:



(I was red).

PLEASE WORK.

Take that, GANON!

Edit: This is my 3,000th post. Happy anniversary!

You know, before I moved here, people would tell me how got it gets here in Phoenix, like 110-115, with highs above 100 for 3 or 4 months of the year. Now remember that I have spent most of my life in Florida. Florida is hot and humid and very unpleasant at times, but it rarely if ever gets above 100 degrees.

I think that before I moved here, I unconsciously did not actually believe that it could possibly get up to 115 degrees. And that if it did, I would be able to handle it...I'm a Florida girl, after all!

Yesterday I played ultimate when it was 107 degrees out. It was hot. My body did not want to move. I would say, run, dang it, run! And it would do nothing.

So in conclusion...it really does get that hot here. It is unpleasant, but not totally unbearable.

Gosh, when all days are equal...Sundays win hands down.

Didn't manage to stand up on the wakeboard--I pretty much lived up to my expectations. I am, however, quite sore today from trying 6 or 7 times and from tubing in the meantime. Also ultimate yesterday. And swimming.

SO SORE.

Dude, I found this on IMDB. This is Jewel Staite's vision of what Serenity 2 would look like:

If it were up to me, how would the characters' relationships conclude in Serenity 2? Okay. Hypothetically speaking only. River and Zoe really hit it off, fall in love, and decide to form their own renegade girls-who-kick-ass space team and leave us in the dust; Mal realizes he's more destroyed over Wash's death than he ever thought and spends the rest of his days wearing Hawaiian shirts and drinking booze out of the engine; Simon and Kaylee have a set of genius triplets and turn the ship into a cocker spaniel search-and-rescue with "crazy Grandpa Mal" still at the helm cradling toy dinosaurs; and Inara finally realizes the potential in Jayne as a male companion, loans him a toga, and takes him back to the training house where they become King and Companion Queen...you know you want that sequel!

Wakeboarding today...derp de derp.

Blah blah blah get life back on track blah blah blah.

So lots of plans fell through for Memorial Day weekend. Paul and I wanted to go on a trip together, we just didn't know to where. Plan A was Flagstaff, which turned out to still have snow, so no dice. Plan B was Rocky Point with some ulti friends, which never came to fruition. Plan C was the grand canyon, which didn't work for many reasons. So we looked at a few other options and I almost blindly chose to go to Chiricahua National Mounument, about 4 hours away in Arizona.

We left on Saturday morning and found that the campsite was full...so we ended up setting up camp in a flat spot in the woods. Good thing we brought toilet paper! I'm sure the stars would have been wonderful if we were able to venture outside of the tent. Who knew that there were so many mosquitoes in Arizona?

Sunday morning we woke up extremely early (not exactly by choice), rolled our tent into a ball and stuffed it into the car in hopes that we could nab a campsite right away. We did! After setting up camp, we had planned to do the main long hike, but a health problem brought us to the drug store 40 minutes away instead. Bleh. With that problem solved, we did two shorter hikes, heading to the top of Sugarloaf Mountain with some great views--not a hard hike at all at about an hour total--and then hiked to the natural bridge. This whole day had me worn out. We drove back to the campsite and Paul cooked dinner (while literally getting eaten alive by mosquitoes, no joke) while I snoozed in the mosquito-free tent. He's a good guy, readers.



On Monday we woke up quite a bit later than before (meaning like...8:30), and we packed up and got ready for the all-day hike. This was by far the best part of the trip, the part with the best views and coolest places to play. The park is made to protect these really awesome rocks, and in addition to seeing views of these rocks on the hike, we actually got to hang out inside the collection. I know it doesn't sound that cool on paper (or...web?) but it really was spectacular.



I'm not going to lie--the hike was a challenge. After this 5 1/2 hour trek, we were quite tired, and again Paul pulled through for me by driving the entire way home and buying me dinner and ice cream.

We ended the night with a few games of settlers, which is fast becoming our new addiction. I won one of them :). And now here I am!

If you guys have been wondering where I have been, the answer is Chiricahua National Monument. Will post more later.

I will be in Florida from June 24-July 26.
FYI.

Looks like I will be able to work while I am at home. Thank goodness, I was looking at my bank account today and pondering the fact that this is the first time in my life that money may become troublesome. God will provide.

So far this summer has been extremely unproductive but extremely fun!

Well I know it's just a matter of time
When the fun falls through and the rent comes due
Somewhere along the line

Thanks Billy Joel.

GOOD JOB WOMEN
GOOD JOB WOMEN
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN PAID MORE MONEY THAN THAT.

I know it's terrible quality...but it's so freaking funny!

Everyone is getting married and engaged. What IS this, my 20's???

I like ultimate frisbee. Just sayin'.

Yesterday, Paul and I went to an Italian restaurant which we knew nothing about. It turned out to be really good--the food was awesome and authentically Italian, it was small but had an intimate atmosphere, and there was a really good accordion player there, traveling from table to table serenading. He played this song twice while we were there, and it was really beautiful, very musical. It works well on accordion. The second time, the guy at the table he was playing for started singing...opera-style. He had everyone's attention. At the end, the entire restaurant burst into applause. I know this sounds like something I would make up, but it's not.

Anyhow, I guess I never really realized just how beautiful that song is or how musical the accordion can be--it took the musicality of an accordion player in a restaurant for me to figure it out. We music majors sure are thick headed sometimes.

So I have this amazing power to freeze and shiver and chatter the teeth when the weather is in the 90's! How exciting!

Also, I rickrolled a friend yesterday. Using his own iPod.

Guys are always surprised when I am as good as them at Smash Bros.

One of my oldest and dearest friends got engaged today. I've been friends with her for a whopping 12 years! And I love her so much. Congrats Beth!

There are some days when I just have absolutely no motivation to practice or to do anything productive at all. Laziness...it's like a craving.

How in the world did I just sleep 11 hours?

Wellp, Paul is gone for four days and Brittney moved out today (for the summer). A bunch of my other friends are out-of-town, so it looks like I'm going to see what life is like when you're truly on your own...for a couple of days.

Another 4.0 semester. YAY! Time to go...be productive?

Predominantly women's league is awesome. 5 women, 2 men on the field. This is how ultimate should always be played.

Either I'm going crazy and all milk suddenly tastes bad to me, or all Lucerne milk is suddenly bad right from the store. Probably the first one.

Wow, writing that made me feel good.

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
John 15: 12-13

I have been thinking about this a lot lately, about "laying your life down for a friend." I had never really given this phrase much thought before. Because of the verse that comes before it ("Love each other as I have loved you"), I had always thought that to "lay down your life for a friend" meant that you were willing to die for a friend, or in a friend's place. It makes sense. That is how Jesus loved.

I have to admit that I don't know if I would be willing to die for a friend. But that is for another discussion.

The more I think about it, though, the more I don't think that's exactly what the verse means. Think about it. Jesus is alive as He is saying this. He has not been crucified yet. The disciples have no idea that He is going to die for them. And He tells them: "Love each other as I have loved you"--not "Love each other as I will love you."

Besides, we believe that life does not end when we die; we believe that a new life BEGINS when we die. Therefore, dying in place of another is not "laying down your life." Dying in place of another is gaining life.

So what does this verse mean? I think it means that we need to love here on Earth as Jesus loved here on Earth. This brings me to another verse:

So he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.
John 13: 4-5

"Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you."
John 13: 14-15

In other words, we need to be servants to one another. We need to help each other in times of need, and not think about ourselves. We need to give selflessly without thinking of the cost.

Sometimes people who care for sick or handicapped relatives, or people who go on missions in the worst of conditions, or even people who turn the other cheek to the everyday abuse from the people around them, amaze me in their capacity for selfless giving. But this is what we are asked to do. THIS is laying down your life for a friend.

Some of us may be called (or have the resources) to do more than others. Nobody ever said that life was fair. We cannot our help our natural abilities; we CAN help what we do with those abilities. And we have been asked here to care the most, to give the most, to be the most selfless that we possibly can. We have been called, readers, to lay down our life for our friends.

My teacher started the exam by blasting "This City was Built on Rock and Roll" from the speakers. Yes.

I got a big candle when I went shopping with my mom. The flavor is "Sandalwood Vanilla" from Slatikin and Co. (from Bath and Body Works). When I was deciding which scent to purchase, this wasn't particularly the best one. But it reminded me of something, I don't know what--the beach, maybe?--that made me so very happy. And now my room smells like happiness.

Darn you acoustic music. One of my friends posted this on facebook, and now I can't help feeling it. I love you, but goodbye. Oh life, oh life.

Clearly, our road has been long and winding
Certainly we have not reached the end,
For in this man whose kindness is blinding
I have found myself a true friend.

Wellp, I'm back in Phoenix and I have a ton of work to do and no motivation to do it. Oh home stretch, how tough you are.

Haha stupid Boston. Ssrandger vought me a rose tonight. I need to finish PEDAGOGY. pAUL is in UTAH where people don't pla on sundays...aaaaaaand I am wearing YELLOW! The HAPPIEST COLOR EEVEYRRRRR WWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I flew home from Arizona to surprise my mom for Mother's Day. It worked--boy was she surprised! Gotta love it.

I've had a great time here in the past few days. I went to the beach, saw Date Night, went shopping (SHOOOOES!!), got some great food at Mimi's, got to Stargate Friday it up with the Villains, watched Yanks vs. Boston with my dad, and tonight is still open for more shenanigans. We might go walking on the beach, and the beach at night is simply amaaaazing.

Unfortunately, cheap flights=leaving at 5:30 AM tomorrow morning. That means I have to leave the house at about 3:15 AM and get up at about 2:30 AM. Well, I guess I won't have to wake up if I don't fall asleep in the first place, which might be the best plan. It also means that I won't actually get to spend Mother's Day with my mom, but I think that's okay at this point.

One project to finish, one final on Monday, and then I'm done with my first year of grad school. You'd better believe it, fellas.

I hope all of my shoes fit into my suitcase.

I feel the love.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah.

More later. Tomorrow.

Tomorrow is going to be the greatest day of my life. Just wait and see.

About a week ago one of my student's parent called and told me that the student would be stopping lessons with me. I asked, "Can I ask why?" The answer I was given was that for the student's goals in flute, the mother feels she needs "a change." The student loves me, the mother said, it was all the parents' decision to switch teachers.

I was so upset by this. I am young and inexperienced, and I am constantly worried that I am not a good teacher. And this confirmed it in my mind--I'm not giving the student what she needs, so she's switching. I cried and cried after that phone call. It was definitely a low point. I have already been disillusioned in the world of performance, and now comes the rejection in the world of teaching. Can I do ANYTHING right in my chosen field?

In reality, it's not that simple. It was probably more like the mother saw that I am still a student, and she wanted her daughter to take lessons from a professional. She doesn't know me; she doesn't see what we do in lessons. The two of them gave me a card on the last day. My student signed it,
"Thank you so much, Ashley! I've learned lots of theory and musical interpretation I would have gotten no other place. Thanks!"

I'm not a bad teacher.

A couple of days later, I got a phone call from another mother, wondering if I could give flute lessons to her 9-year-old daughter. I didn't even miss a week between the two.

Life changes, and my studio will change. I have to realize that it's not always my fault, and I have to always have faith that I will end up with three slinkies in the end. (See Sat. Sept. 17, 2005)

It's getting hot hot hot here already. Highs for the next four days are 98, 96, 96, 99. Ahwahwahwahwahwah...(yoshi noise).

Okay, mostly for the FL folks, here's what I know about my summer at this point:

I will be in AZ, continuing to teach my students until about June 25th. Hopefully I will be able to find a job or some other way to make money while I'm here, but the outlook is not good.

Starting next week, I'll be playing in two ultimate leagues (on on Wed, one on Fri) which end the last week of June. I'll also be taking two trips: one to the Grand Canyon with Paul and another friend the weekend of May 21 and the other looks like it will be to Rocky Point with a group of ulti players the weekend after that. June 22, I'm going to see the Yankees play the Arizona Diamondbacks!

So I'll be in FL from about June 24 till July 21. Hopefully I will be able to work at the Health Department during that time, and I would like to take a trip to Buffalo to see my NY brethren, but other than that I don't have any FL plans yet. So as far as I know, that time will be beach beach beach and party party party!!!

I have to be back in AZ by July 23 because Beth and co. are coming to town! She's planning to move here in Dec/Jan which will be SO EXCITING!!! Also there's a music festival I still haven't heard from in Seattle July 24-Aug. 8. The National Flute Convention (in Anaheim this year) is from Aug. 12-15, and school starts again on Aug. 19. Crazy stuff!

So there are still some question marks, but I guess for the most part I have my summer planned out. Yay!

Also, for all of the band nerds out there, it seems that in a few weeks I might actually have a Rocky Point Holiday.



(Sorry, Paul. I'm sold.)

Last day of class tomorrow--no more class 'till August. Not sure how I feel about that. I'd probably feel better if I looked into the crystal ball and saw more than just clouds, an unclear future.

No matter. God will provide. And I will trust.

My new year's resolution was to go to bed earlier so I could get up earlier. It has been going very well so far--better than I had hoped! I've been asleep between 11-12 most nights, and if that sounds late to you then don't ask when I used to go to bed!

However, the past four days or so I've been going to sleep after 1 AM. I'm falling back into my old ways, it's not good!

Last night's concert was super fun. The energetic saxophone concerto, Rachmaninoff's beautiful second piano concerto, and awesome Tchaik 5. Do programs get much better?

I think that when I objectively think about it, I actually like playing orchestral second flute more than first flute (as long as I have a good partner to work with). It's a heckofa lot less stress, and it's fun to try to match and complement ideas and pitch. And you hear more of the harmonies, which makes the music more interesting.

I wouldn't mind being an orchestral second flute player as a career.