I win.

Yesterday I was dispairing a lot. I have been very absentminded lately- in the last week, I've lost papers and music, forgotten about a homework assignment, forgotten to turn in a homework assignment, and forgotten many times what I was talking about mid-sentence, among other things. Yesterday I had a lesson planned with a big name flute player staying at my teacher's house up in Melbourne. I didn't have a very good day yesterday, and I accidentaly left for the lesson a half an hour early (You gotta admit, at least it wasn't half an hour late). When I got there, I had thirty minutes to blow before my lesson was scheduled. It was just one of those days when all you want to do is curl up into a little ball and cry. So when I got there, I extended the seat in my car and layed down with the radio on, staring at the celing. I was tired--very tired--and weary of life in general. I felt like nothing could cheer me up, until suddenly that one outkast song, "Heyya" or something like that, came on. That song is so fun, and goofy, and upbeat, that I just had to smile. I think it's impossible to listen to it and not feel a little bit better about any situation. I even started laughing. Knowing about music just makes the song funnier. It's actually quite musically sound. But yeah I think the moral to this story is if you are weary and tired, listen to Outkast. It'll make you feel better.

Oh and if any of you are wondering about why I was so tired and stuff, it's because I just stress myself out about things. I'm too much a perfectionist. Thank God I have friends to keep me down on planet Earth. Everyone has bad days, some more than others.

Tomorrow is the big day. The dreaded "Young Artist Competiton" where I'll be going to the Tampa flute fair and performing Hue Fantasie along with four other finalists to see who is the ultimate Hue performer. I did this last year, and things didn't turn out too well. But I'm a different flute player, a different performer, a different person than last year. And I like the song a lot more, which helps a lot. I'm hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. We'll see what happens, wish me luck!

Also Saturday is the allcounty band concert. Contact me for tickets if anyone wants to go. We're playing a bunch of Hungarian pieces, it should be interesting.

My accompanist can't make it because of a blizzard in New York. Now I might have to practice in Tampa after allcounty tomorrow. Oh joy.

I study too much and don't leave enough time for practicing. I also waste too much time on the computer and don't leave enough time for practicing. I need to practice. I have a test tomorrow that I need to study for. And I need to practice. The competition is this Friday. I rehearse with my accompanist this Thursday. There is a day long rehearsal on Friday for allcounty and a three hour one on Thursday. It's gonna be great. Sorta. My stress is building up, but I'm trying to keep it down. A stressful mood is no mood to be in for a competition.

I don't like being at home. I like being at school better. I like school and school environment, with people my age. They are fun. It gets annoying at times, but no one really bothers me from doing what I need to, because everyone does what they need to. Like go to class, and listen to the teacher. And if they dont do what they need to do they still dont bother me. Unless they do.
At home I have my own agenda but I have to leave it often to do other things and I get mad when that happens. It's nobodys fault really, its just theres much more to take care of at home than at school. Music groups expect you to practice at home, teachers expect you to study and do homework at home, and theres still a load of other crope to do once youre done with that, and in my case Ill never be done with that. You can never practice too much. Unless you die from practicing. That's when you know youve gone too far.

"I entered the world of highly competitive flute playing at the age of sixteen. Though I felt that the music was wonderful, I found that what lay behind it wasn't so easy. Young musicians in particular are alwasy in competition--they have to prove their own abilities, sometimes successfully, sometimes not--and often they envy each other. Like any profession requiring constant performance, difficulties and discouragements were always waiting around the corner.
Whenever I found myself discouraged or faced with a problem, I never let the experience remain negative. I've always wanted to see the naked truth, to try and face it, to stay focused on solving it. By doing this, I've had to admit that I have difficulties, which is not so easy for anyone to accept. But it's the only way I know how to solve problems.
Discouragement can be positive. Being aware that troubles can help me has always inspired me to continue.
I come from Naples, in Souther Italy, and the people of that city have a motto which is a bit rude and vulgar, but in which my opinion is very centered on this issue. They say that to obtain anything, you must have the three C's-- "cuore, cervello, and coglioni. Cuore (heart) means dreaming about what you want to do. Cervello (brain) means being sharp enough to understand which way you should run. Conglioni (literally male attributes, which stand for strength and resistance) means staying true to your path, without paying attention to negative people who discourage you.
Discouraging moments are quite common in a musician's career, and I've had my share like anyone. But if you really want to reach the top, you can't lose yourself in difficulties. Time is never enough -- you have to rise up again and again, to struggle and obtain what you want"
-Davide Formisano

Reasons Ashley should never be given power, ever:

Mrs. Wilkins running sectionals:
"Let's go over this run. We have to be very picky, you know."

Mr. Schwindt running sectionals:
"Man, Emily smells soo bad. Is everything perfect yet? Let's do a flute chior this year."

Alyssa running sectionals:
"We are starting at letter B. You gotta problem with that? (Emily says something stupid) Shut up Emily. I'm gonna kick your face"

Ashley running sectionals:
"I hate you people. You suck. Why are you here? Get out of my presence. Go practice until you die."

She said no. I knew she was going to say no. So why am I so upset?
Because you know what's good for you.
It's cruel to learn about something so wonderful only to find out that there's no possibility that I'll ever be able to do it.

It's getting to be really hard to juggle

preparation for four different music camp auditions
preparation for a major concerto competition
reherasal and practice for youth orchestra, school orchestra, and band
practice for S and E music (including two ensembles and two solos)
rehersals and practice for allcounty
practicing with accompanists for everything
practicing regular lesson stuff, like etudes and scales
having lessons with my teacher and lessons with different people which have been specialy arranged for me
studying and homework for two AP classes and one honors class (while missing school because of the above)
keeping my quarters sanitary so I don't die (cleaning)
attempting to keep up a social life
and sleeping enough so I'm not totally miserable while doing it all

without dropping any of it
but I'm happy
so what are you gonna do
you can't have your cake and eat it too
hey that rhymes
I'm a poet and this information was formerly unknown
haha now Im a comedian
shut up ashley
okay

Tchaikovsky Overture to Romeo and Juliet is pretty dang cool

When I'm on the computer I definitely want to be left alone.

Yeah Erins party was awesome. I lurve it.
Today was crazy day. Heres the scores for usage of time:

Homework comes in a strong first with a total of three and a half hours. Two and a half of those were spent trying to work out Caculus that I missed, and one was spent studying for American history (I still don't think I'm gonna tak that quiz)

Sleep comes in second with two hours. I had no problem falling alseep to take a nap today, and I didn't wake up until my alarm went off two hours later. I guess I haven't quite been getting enough sleep lately, but hopefully that nap will help.

Practice comes in third place with only one hour and 45 minutes. I've noticed my practice time has gotten longer and longer: it used to be very short when I first started playing, like only a half an hour or so. It gradually got longer: in ninth grade it was about 45 minutes, last year it was an hour, this year it has made some exponential growth so that now two hours is nothing. And no matter how long I practice, I will not get to everything I need to work on. It's a rule. I have so much stuff to work on, it's almost impossible anyway. Craig says that performance majors in college practce 6 hours a day. I need to practice more...

Sooo yeah. Ummm. Yeah. I'll go now.

Heres a story.

I thought the second flute I ever got was the greatest thing in the world when I first got it. I tried not to compare it to my first flute, but when I look back now, and it is safe to look back now, my first flute made me much, much, much happier (I ended up selling it). I only played the second flute for a short time, a few months at most. As time went on while I was playing it, small problems creeped up on me. They were so gradual that I thought it was me, and not the flute, that had problems. So I worked through it, oblivious of the flute's tricks. Slowly and surely, the pads began to tear, the joints loosened, and the screws were knocked out of line. One day, (and now I realize that it was a good day; I did not realize it at the time) I accidentaly dropped my flute and broke it. It wouldn't play anything at all, and I took it to the repair shop to get it fixed. I discussed what happened with the repair man, but he said he could do nothing about it. I was very sad to leave the flute that I thought was good, and it took me a long time to realize that that day should've been a day of great joy. The flute had been poisioning my mind, making me think I was a mediocre flute player when it was actually the flute's fault. Actually, the only good thing about that flute was its outer image; it was a beautiful thing to look at, I will admit, but it played like crap. And only immature musicians really care what a muiscal instrument looks like. A time went by when I had no flute at all, but, strangely enough, that time made me stronger. Eventually, I started looking into other flutes, and the one that caught my eye was the Powell Signature. I tried it out, and it seemed perfect for me. It had so a strong color palette, a gaping dynamic range, a shiny exterior, and, best of all, a dark vibrant tone. Trying this flute out actually knocked me into my senses and reminded me that I was good at flute and worthy of the honors I get. I still have it here at home on trial. Yes, it fits so well, but it costs a lot. The cost scares me, and I don't suppose I'll ever be quite sure if I should buy it or not. But I can't go fluteless forever, and I really don't think one is going to come along that I like more than this one. Anyway, you may be wondering what I did with my old flute, the one that broke. Well, it turns out that a few weeks later after the break, my friend needed a good flute, so I sold it to her (You have to remember that at this time, I thought this was a very good flute). She acted the same way I did towards it: she loved it at first and thought it was the greatest flute she had ever played. But that flute started playing the same tricks on her that it did to me. And, strangely enough, it makes very angry to see it do this to her. Angrier than I was when it did this to me. Because now I know it's not her fault, and I can't help her work through it. Sure, I can tell her about the flutes tendancies and sympathize, but I am not her and I cannot do it for her. It's her flute now, and as much as I love her, theres nothing I can do for her. Not being able to do anything makes me mad, but I suppose I'll just have to ignore it for now. After all, I didn't cause the problems. It seems that that flute is just treacherous. Anyway, I've got my sights on the Powell, and I've got a new concerto to work on. I need to go practice....

Moral of the story: Make sure that if you sound bad on your intrument that it is you and not your instuments fault. It could very well be your instrument, it happens every day. A sad story, it it.

Disclaimer: NONE OF THAT IS TRUE.

Speak from the heart and not from anger, Ashley. Speak from the heart. Don't say it. Don't write it. Don't...it will not prove anything...just leave it alone....LEAVE IT ALONE. DON'T WRITE IT. DON'T WRITE IT. Please don't write it.

I'm not going to write it.

Today was a very good day. First was a rehearsal. Then I wasted a lot of time with Will Katie Alyssa and Kiersten by throwing a bottle around, watching Will eat snake-like objects found on the ground, and having general wastage of time. Then Panera and then more wastage of time. Then it was the allcounty orch concert, where we sounded so amazing on Belioz that I almost peed my pants. And stuff. Then I went to Erins party and I attached some streamers to my earrings and put a the BOWL OF KNOWLEDGE on my head and stood in front of the fan so I looked like an alien. Then I got mad because of something and then I started watching X2 and then I got tired and then I went home and then I started writing in blogger and then I wrote "I started writing in blogger" and then I stopped writing in blogger.

The quotes of the day are (drumroll please):

(When Michael and Alyssa are fighting about colleges)
Shannon to Michael: "You're already in a hole, don't dig it deeper" (or some variation on the thought)
Michael: "I'm not in a hole!!!"
(He was in a hole)

Third trombone to Alyssa: "Hey, what's your name?"
Alyssa: "Alyssa"
Tbone: "Do you know what rhymes with Alyssa?"
Alyssa: "What?"
Tbone: "Beautiful"
(Ashley doesn't stop laughing for another 5 minutes)

You know what? In the past, I've always looked up to the top flute players in all-county. They were confident and knew exactly what to do all the time; they were amazing musicians and I thought I would never be able to measure up to that ability; they were mature and they never would talk during rehearsal or ::gasp!:: goof around. The people I looked up to, such as Helen, Jennifer, Lisa and Heather, are nothing like me Katie and Alyssa. Maybe it's just that I know us so well, but we seem so confused, so unfocused, so immature compared to them. I can't imagine anyone looking up to us, especially if they saw us in rehearsal. Yes, we are fun to be around, but I always imagined that once I got here I'd be like the people I looked up to: cool, calm, and collected. And not missing entrances because I am laughing at something Katie said. It just isn't so this year. Am I going overboard on the analyzing or am I crazy? Oh blast it all, I did have great fun today.

They played the game where you think of what animal people would be. I'm not very good at that, but they concluded I would either be a squirrel or a fox. I think foxes are cooler.

Tomorrows the concert, last one theres a rotten egg!

Every time I go onto the computer, my mom walks in.

I figured out why she doesn't talk about it:
"She prefers a negative peace which is the absense of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice" -Martin Luther King Jr.

But it hurts me too, not just her.

Maybe I should enforce the positive peace which is the presence of justice. As for me, I'm trying to handle things myself, but I think I'm doing a lousy job. The thing is, I'm afraid of tension too. And she just doesn't see these things the way I do.
but I am not alone...

Confused yet?

People's love lives are going crazy! Maybe it's the coming spring.

I'm finished with my homework. All is well with the world.

I made second flute, and I'm gonna play that dang part better than anyone has ever played it before!!!

Ya know, one of my many deep secrets (because they are very many and very deep) is that I actually like to do homework lots of times. Especially calculus homework. It's so satisfying to work on something and be able to do it. And be able to understand it! There are many thing in this world that I don't understand, but calculus isn't one of them. It's like practicing the things you are good at. You sound good when you play them, so they're satisfying.

Life is good when I get enough sleep.
And I've finally gone back into orbit of my little world.

I don't see how some people are so stupid. I'm not talking about the ones who are born that way, I'm talking about the ones who bring it upon themselves. The ones who don't learn from mistakes. I just don't understand it. I guess I just don't understand anything, do I?
Stupid clock.

Todays weather was cool. Almost made me want to go to the beach. And I liked the rain. We haven't had rain in a while.

Lots of songs I connect with different people or events. It's really cool how that works. For example, I will always connect the Rohan violin solo with Joelle, a suitemate form cannon. Everytime I hear that, I will think of her. I will always connect Symphonic Metamorphasis and Incantation and Dance and Pasacalia and Fuge to my freshman year. (Maybe that why I like them so much.) I will always connect Norah Jones songs to Craig because we always used to listen to that CD in his car. Theres a song for soo many times and people. This happens a lot of times because I'll listen to a cd a lot when I first get it and then I forget I have it for a while. When I pick it back up again then I'll remember the time period of when I listened to it and from then on it'll always remind me of that time and the people during that time. They always are happy periods of time and good people. Never has somthing reminded me of a bad time...maybe me brain doesn't let me connect music (a purely good thing in my life) to something bad.


Somehow I don't think I am a winner in the concerto competition.
The first american idol is on tonight!

The angels are bowling.

Soooo....yeah. I'm home again.
Yesterday Shannon called me in the middle of the day to ask me if I wanted to go to the Melbourne art show lol. I said I was at Talahassee. hehe silly Shannon.

My audition went well, as did my concerto. It's all about the results now. I'll find out about the concerto about 6:00 tonight, I'll find out about Brevard in....I have no idea when.

I need to clean my room. You can avtually SEE the dust on my furniture. It's pretty gross. I also need to study, but I'm prolly not going to...

Goodbye everyone!
Almost time to go play an $800 Stravinsky piece!
Oh oh oh I like to practice for extended periods of time oh oh oh
It's a song. Doy doy.

I'm tired. Like I said, I have a big weekend ahead of me, including a trip to Talahassee to audition for Brevard (all my pieces memorized), a three hour rehearsal in Orlando (we're starting the Stravinsky!), and my only chance at the concerto competition. It's crazy.

I don't really know what to think of the concerto competition. I don't know what they will think of the Liebermann. On one hand, it has little music in it, and any judge who is looking for musicality and expression will not be very pleased with what they hear. On the other hand, it's a crazy hard piece which is very impressive when done right. And I've worked very hard to be able to play it. We also have to play it memorized, and I'm very worried about that. There are so many sections which are the exact same but in a different key. I think I know it well enough that if I get lost I'll be able to get back on track again. But I also don't know whrere to come in after any rest and I depend soely on my accompanist for that.
If I was a judge I wouldn't give myself very high points.

I played the Hue at Mrs. Clews for a repetoire class today. I somehow managed to get really nervous and started shaking. I can't say I did too well, but it wasn't really all that bad. I got through it. Afterwards I had a headache from my nervousness. I wish I was a better performer. I need some more Alexander Technique...

Everyone wish me luck this weekend!

Rebecca is the best person in the world!

My dream has been accomplished! I finally made it into allcounty orchestra. I've wanted to be in this group for a loong time. Today is the first rehearsal. Oh happy day!

Brain: "Hey Ashley no one cares about anything you write in here!"
Ashley: "Don't lie to me brain. You've tried that before."
Brain: "It's true. You think anyone cares about your eating habits?"
Ashley: "......yemaybeno......"
Brain: "I told you! You're so stupid"
Ashley: "I know. But it comes from you."
Brain: "Hey, I'm just trying to keep you on track. You should blame that heart down there for your problems."
Ashley: "Shut up"

I hardly ever raise my voice in the house. Actually I hardly ever raise my voice at all. At least not in anger. I'll sit and listen to my mom yell very calmly and then quietly say one or two words and it makes her scream her head off even more. Sometimes I deserve it, but most of the time she's just in a bad mood. Like tonight. Apparently saying "Yep" and "Okay" means you're being a "pisspot." Actually that insult is kinda funny now that I see it written down...

I was really tired tonight. I always end up getting very fatigued (can that be used as a verb?)when I do my homework or study. I must be doing something wrong, or else I wouldn't get s'dang tired all the time. Should I try doing homework in a different room? With different music? In a different order?

Eating food is a problem for me. Not even mentioning how little I actually DO eat (though it's much more than people think. I, for one, eat three full meals every day), I think food affects me a lot more than other people. If I eat lots of sugar without any substance, I get extremely hyper for about a half an hour, and then I practically faint with no energy and a terrible headache. All my friends have seen this in action and can vouch for me. Except at my Christmas party. I don't know what was up with that. Also if I don't eat for a long time, say 5 hours, I start "fading" as I like to call it. Seems like my whole conciousness is lowered. This has been discovered after wondering why I get so tired and dumb if I don't eat. And I've had sixteen years to experiment. Pity it took me this long. In conclusion, I need to watch what I eat, not for weight or even health, but because the wrong things can make me feel very very bad. And THATS NO WAY TO LIVE AT ALL.

Celtic CD=last summer memories
I want them to be now.
I'm unhappy.
Stupid school.
Whatev.

That wasn't Sunday.

publish

She's right, you know. Online journals don't solve anything at all. If anything, they create problems. Alas, I have no comments in here, and for good reason.

Yup. My life is very busy but kinda boring. If that's possible. Not that I'm complaining...

This weekend is gonna be crazy. Rehearsal, go to Tallahassee for an audition for Brevard (which my teacher wants me to attempt do to completely without music), and then the concerto competition. I didn't know you could do one on flute AND picc. Stupid Bethany.

I've got four tens already, I think.
I'm confused. Remind me to ask you something, Asher.

Brain: "There is hope in you yet." Thank you, brain.

Father Murrays last mass was today. We sang "Old Irish Tune" for him. It was sad. I'm going to miss him a lot.

Today was one of them "boring but you gotta have it every once in a while" days.

I get more done when I don't have a lot of time.
I practiced for two hours and got all my calculus homework done today, but I spent almost all day at the allstate concert. But I'm sure if today was a stay at home day I would've gotten nothing done. Amazing how that works out.

The allstate concert (at least 11 and 12) was very very very good. Amazing, wonderful. Yes. And stuff. I was very dissipointed with 9 and 10 orch. Some of the soloists sounded like middle schoolers. Out of tune-ness and bad tone were just some of the problems. But it was not all bad, the whole group (but the violins especially) played some very musical things. The woodwinds just didn't seem to be able to get it together. Maybe they were all nervous. The trombones were very powerful, but they didn't know where to stop it seemed. And people kept coming in at wrong times. I'm very dissipointed in them.

Please don't complain to me about things that happened at allstate. Please just find someone else this time. If there is such a thing as a sensitive topic with me, this is it. I would give a lot to be able to complain about allstate.

Mmmmm. Eric didn't make it to the concert :(

WOW!

Oh bother.
Allstate concert tomorrow.
There are going to be a lot of feelings.
Mostly good, I hope.
It will make me happy to see my friends performing, and to see Eric.
It will make me sad because I am not performing and I missed out on all the fun.
I'm gonna bring my badges from the last two years to see if I can trick them into letting me into the convention center.
After all, they don't have years on them.

I have so much love to give. It's overflowing...
Who will take it? Somebody help me.
Oh Flute, you will take it? And Piccolo? Mozart, you'll take it? Liebermann? How about you, Hue? You guys are cooler anyway.

I'm dumb. But not as dumb as you.

You know, sometimes I wish I didn't have morals. I could be the meanest person on Earth. I could cuss people out and do whatever I wanted to people, because it wouldn't bother me, and I would have no reason not to do it. It would be so easy. Just to lose control, to finally hit my breaking point, and to tell everyone what I really think. I've always wondered what it would be like to completely destroy someone. But two seconds after that thought I no longer wish for these things because it would've turned out very bad. Once again common sense has delayed, and thus saved, me. I hear a constant voice in my head, especially when I get mad, that says "Be careful what you say. Do not speak from anger. Take your time. Think about what will happen if you say that." It is that voice which keeps my good tidings with people. And for that, dear Voice, I thank you.

I'm making no sense but you're just gonna have to deal with it.

No one can do anything tonight. Katie, Rebecca, Asher are at allstate. Erin is driving to allstate. Josh is working. Alyssa's out with Albert. Shannon's in Orlando. And I'm home and bored. Maybe I'll go practice so next year I won't be left at home. Or draw a pretty picture...or study...

I really love English. It almost feels like a family. I mean, everyone obviously knows everyone else, and many people in that class are friends. My friends. What with sharing our reading, it "brings us closer." I don't want to cliche, but thats really what it feels like. I am amazed with every individual in there. What a collection of bright young minds, so diverse and so interesting. Everyone has something to say, and now that we are a little more comfortable with each other, we aren't afraid anymore to say it. The teacher, Mrs. Thomas, is one of my favo teachers of all time. She somehow manages to make everyone feel that they can trust her and that they know her oh so well. I look forward to that class every day, as I'm sure most students in that class do. There's nothing like it, and I'm going to be very very sad when it ends.

Not too long ago, Mrs. Thomas said something that caught my attention. She said something along the lines of "There are some bad people in this class." Bad people? In that class? I don't know some as well as others, but I really don't think that anyone in that class is a "bad person." Not completely. I think everyone has a bit of "bad person" in them, but everyone also has a great deal of "good person" in them. Everyone does bad things, and everyone does good things. Maybe if a person chooses to do more bad than good, they would be considered a "bad person." But they still have the potential for good in them. And that is why I hope I never call someone a "bad person." Maybe someday if I meet someone who does only bad, then I'll change my views. But for now, I'll stick with that we all lie somewhere in between a "bad person" and a "good person."

Maybe I'll suggest going to a movie to my parents. At least then I wouldn't have to pay.

A bird pooped on my head today.
Approx. 10 people people asked me why I was at school today.
I got a ten on the calc quiz today.
Paid professional musicians are the luckiest people in the world.
I have a topic to write about, but I'm not really in the mood to write at the moment.

DO NOT WISH FOR SOMETHING YOU CANNOT HAVE! It brings only pain.

I promised myself that I wouldn't make a self-pity post about it. But the next two days could've been a lot better than they are going to be.

Sometimes home is an escape, sometimes school is an escape, sometimes books are an escape, sometimes music is an escape, sometimes movies are an escape. Sometimes I cannot seem to find any escape at all.
An escape from what, you ask?
An escape from myself.

My life is made up of half confusion and half stupidity and half excitement.

SCHOOL!
The Bad
-Waking up at 6:00
-Too many people in 3rd
-Not as quality a lunch as during break
-Having to think all the dang time

The Good!
-Seeing all my friends, especially the ones I didn't see over break.
-Seeing my dear teachers
-Playing in band
-Having a carefully set aside time to practice
-People to act stupid with. But none are as stupid as the the Prehz and moi
-A pleasant surprise of scheduling: I have Coach Sidoli for American History!

The Ugly
Ouch. Your face hurts me.
Hahaha I laugh at my own stupididty.

Dude I finally got my Liebermann recording, with Sir Galway. Wouldn't have been my first choice, but seeing as its the only recording out there, it's the only one I could get. And it's very very very cool. I like piccolo and I like Liebermann, so put the two together and you've got yourself some loove. We've spent lots of quality time together, me and Liebermann.

I just made dinner (chicken pot pie) with my dad. I'm actually quite proud of it.

Does anyone else ever tell their brain to shut up because it keeps saying really stupid things?

KATIE, ALYSSA, AND I ARE DOING THE SPIRIT OF INK BY ALAN HOVAHNESS FOR SOLO AND ENSEMBLE. EVERYONE WILL HEAR AND WORSHIP.
Mrs. Clew said we should give the judge some earplugs. When I was driving to Mrs. Clew's today, I heard Hovanesses (does his name have two h in it?) second symphony (Mysterious Mountain) on NPR, and it was really cool and it reminded me fo the Spirit of the Ink. I remember playing it with Alyssa and Heather and thinking that we'll never be able to play it, never. But today we sight read it pretty close to how it should be played. And that is why the Titusville High School flute section beats everyone in the world. I only wish I wasn't playing second part, but that's the way the cookie crumbles.

Also, the woodwind quintet is gonna own everyone. Along with Mr. Liebermann for picc solo and the unaccompanied Muczynski flute solo, and the woodwind choir (which is the only thing I'm not totally psyched about) They all have chances to go to state. What a good year for solo and ensemble.

School starts, crap comes, whatev.

Dude I finally got my talent show video from Cannon today. It's about time. It's pretty dang awesome. Remembering all those people, making fun of Josh how he went to the bachelor auction dressed in drag and Joelle and Melissa bought him, and Matt B as "janitor Bill," and the winning act "Two guys, a girl, and a lot of sax." Oh the memories.

FONDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

"I know what I have to do, but....I'm afraid to do it"
-Frodo, LOTR

"Fear hinders me very little"
-Me, in one of Sprayberry's writing warm-up things

"I laugh myself to sleep/It's my lullaby"
-an Avril Lavegne (sp?) song

"I am not a stranger to the rain."
-Yonah, Children of Eden

"It is time"
-Rafiki, The Lion King

Whoops what happened to the last post?
I'm scared.

Dude I gotta tell you guys about this dream I had. The weirdest dreams happen when I'm napping. So anyway, Craig's room turned into a jungle. There was a gigantic snake in the jungle and we had to get a professional to remove it. So Craig had to move into my room, and we both got bunk beds and he had an awesome CD player that popped out of the wall. I walked into the living room where my parents were watching the news, and my grandparents came over and brought president Bush. They said that his family members died and he needed somewhere to stay. He wore a red satin robe and hung out in the living room with us and watched the news. He commented on everything, but I can't quite remember what he said. Once, my mom went into my parents room to do something and I was about to walk to my room when President Bush (we called him George) went "Ash, come here." I went over and he asked me what my moms name was. I said Maria, and he was like "Maria? That's a beautiful name." Then my dad was about to tell him something and went "George" and Bush said "You can call me Charlie." My mom came back and started getting some alcohol out because we were apparently going to have a party and she said "Now George, you can't let us get drunk."
And then I woke up.

I am never going to get to sleep tonight.

Today: (no one cares Ashley) (oh well)
-church
-french toast
-nap
-research summer camps
-practice
-spaghetti parmasan
-SAT and ACT registration
-read
-comp

There are three summer camps I am considering for this summer.
-My first choice is Tanglewood institute in Boston which is way out of our price range and I won't be able to go if I don't get some kind of financial aid. But it looks so awesome. They have a Young Artist Orchestra program (6 weeks I believe), which Mrs. Clew says is the thing I should try to do. And I'm like ya right! I'm not good enough. But you never know. I'm also gonna go for the Wind Ensemble program and the flute workshop. Though I think two weeks of just flute players may just be the end of me.
-My second choice is Interlochen in Michigan (I think). This is WAY WAY WAY out of our price range, which is prolly the reason it is second on my list. There are ways to get financial aid, and there's a scholarship program called Emerson Scholars that Alex did last year. They pick 52 awesome people and give them a full ride. Pretty sweet, but me? I don't think so. As for scholarships other than the Emersons scholars, things aren't looking good. They say they give it based on financial need, merit, and program need. I can cross two of those out from the start since my parents make too much money and no camp is ever short of good flute players.
-The third on my list is good ol Brevard music camp in North Carolina. A step above Cannon, they say, and Cannon was pretty dang awesome. I doubt it is a only step above, because they actually turn people away as I have come to understand. By way of audition? I'm gonna need financial aid for here too, I think.

We just don't have the money for this. But it's gonna be one of these three or I ain't goin to music camp this summer. And wouldn't that be a dreadful summer. I might have to get a ::gasp!:: job! Or...or...do summer fine arts again! Or go to the beach every day! Heh heh. The funny thing is, I'd rather go to music camp than go to the beach every day. My idea of fun is going to someones house and reading duets or trios or something. I'm pretty dumb, ya?

Nothing useful to say, as usual.

Ya know, sometimes I think I'm very laid back about things, not really a care in the world, and then I'll do something and I'll think I'm the opposite, and I ask myself why I have to make such a big deal out of everything.

It's interesting having a group of friends who are all friends with each other and seeing how people interact with each other. There is a relatively large range of personality types in my little clique. Some people (Katie and Erin for example) just hit it off right from the start, and some people had to take some time to learn and appreciate the positive qualities of others. Some people started off being very good friends and strayed away in time. Everyone has changed over these three years, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. We all get mad at different things and take our anger out in different ways. We get annoyed with each other a lot. Often it's only because we have spend a little bit too much time with each other and we just need a break from that person. Never has a fight lasted longer than a couple days, or hours even. Because we love each other and can depend on each other. It's great to know that you have someone in this world to depend on. A big group of people in my case. And no matter what I say (because we do many times talk bad about our friends-we all do it), deep down in my heart I love each and every one of my friends and I know they love me and I would do much for it to stay that way.

Fire may burn and clouds may thunder
Heros crumble and the sun may fall
As the river circles on its endless journey
I will follow you.

I got my glasses. They look stupid on me. But doesn't everything.

The Lion King is a very good movie. There are some movies that I watched when I was younger and I loved them but with only a childish sense of action (sense of action?). Now when I watch them, I can admire the genius and beauty of the movie. Another movie that I discovered like this is Home Alone. You people are gonna laugh at me, I know, but those are two very very good movies.

I like being home alone. I can do whatever I want and no one bothers me. It also allows me to clear my brain from the crope that I get when I'm with other people. I like the feeling of just spending time with myself. Of course, I also love being with people (unless they are very mean to me). But ya gotta have the lone time once in a while or you're bound to go crazy.
Am I weird (yes), or does everyone else dance around, sing at the top of their lungs, and talk to inanimate objects when they are home alone?

I hope all my blog readers out there have a very very bright and happy and cheer-filled day!

My New Years Resolution is to

Right. Happy New Year, everyone, happy birthday Rebecca. I broke my staying up record last night. Or should I say this morning. Stayed up till about 8:00 with no sleep, and till 9:30 with about 15 min of sleep. But I'm only gonna count the 8:00 one. Little sleep is still sleep. Man that was a great night/morn. I must say the Jarvises are the best people ever, especially Amanda because she had the strength to make everyone pancakes when the rest of us could hardly move. Anyway, it's 2004...who knows what will occur this year? You never know, people. As for me, I'm gonna keep trudging along the best I can. Ya gotta have faith. It's the only way.

I miss you Erin!