Man it's all dumb and stuff.

Me: I can take whatever you deal out, Life. I'm not afraid of you.
Life: Allright, you asked for it.

Cold: Life sent me to ruin your day.
Me: Hahahaha a Cold? You gotta be kidding me.
Cold: Raaaahhhh!!!!!!
Cold Attacks
Lungs: Ouch! Hey that hurt!
Me: Cold, what in the fdihouidjklfd do you think you are doing? NOBODY messes with lungs. That was the wrong move, Cold. Let's get em, boys!
Brain: You got it, Ashley. Fire em up.
Fingers: I'm ready
Ears: All systems check
Nerves: It's time
Flute attack on Cold
Cold: Oh I am defeated
Me: That's what I thought. Now go away and never come back. Daylight Savings Time, you think you can handle that?
DST: Sure, no problem

Life: You may have won this time, Ashley. But next time....

Man, I sure wish there was more time to practice. As my mom put it, "All I want to do is go to school and practice."

Here's an essay I wrote for one of my more far-fetched colleges:

One of my favorite things to do with spare time during my middle school years was to listen to sound clips of the different instruments on my online encyclopedia. That is to say, I have always loved music to an obsessive degree. My answer to the question “Why have you chosen your field of study?” is really quite simple. I love music. I love playing my flute. There’s nothing else that I would rather do (right now or tomorrow morning or even on my birthday) than play my flute. Often, for fun, I’ll call my fellow flute friends and suggest spending two or three (or four or five) hours playing duets together. One of the best things about this field of study, music performance, is that I can rest assured that I will never grow tired of doing it.

None of this is to say that there aren’t other reasons I have chosen my field of study. Auditions have demonstrated that I retain a talent in music. One may very well argue “But tests have demonstrated that you retain talent in math, too!”, but can anyone really express themselves through math? Can anyone bring such beautiful, glorious joy into other’s lives through math? I cannot imagine that anyone can.

Also, music is not only a part of my life, music is my life. To eliminate music, to me, would be paramount to eliminating a spouse. I cannot imagine myself doing anything in the future but making music. My brain spent no time at all deciding what to do in college. There was only one choice.

I consider professional musicians to be among the luckiest people in the world. Every time I hear a flute player in an orchestral recording, I say to myself, “I hope that flutist knows how lucky he is.” The idea of making money by playing music mystifies me. It just seems peculiar to be paid for doing something that I would do anyway, something that I love so dearly. Specifically, I would someday like to play in an orchestra, since orchestral playing is my favorite type of playing.

I have picked up from professional orchestral players that attaining a professional orchestral career might be a little tough and that I might want to think about doing something else, because the world of orchestra is harsh. To those words I will now and forever respond: I don’t care. I will do whatever it takes. I will never think about doing something else.
--------------
yEuh

I didn't get to practice today because I had to put away uniforms. SAD.

LET ME BREATHE
::snarl::

Okay I gotta tell my funny story of the day.
I'm in a non-honors economics class with Mr. Spinale. Today we were copying down notes off the overhead and the teacher adjusted the angle, asking "Is this too high for anyone?"
The guy behind me answered "There is no such thing as too high."

Practicing practicing yay yay yay
FSU audition this Saturday
Why is Bach so hard to play?
Hey it rhymes yay yay yay

There's this one CD I have that I always used to listen to when I went to the beach a couple years ago, and now whenever I listen to it I can almost smell the ocean spray once again, and I can almost feel the carefree joy of no responsibility once again.
But when I turn the CD off, everything goes away, and I have to go to school and I have to practice for college auditions and I have no time for friends or for the beach. Sometimes memories aren't so happy.
It's like when you have a really really really good dream and you wake up and it's 6:00 in the morning and you have to go to zero block and circle drill. Well, it's sort of like that.

Then there's this other CD that I used to listen to long ago when I was stupid and inexperienced in life (not that I'm smart or experienced now, but still) and oh man the memories it brings back. Do you ever just search through things to bring back memories? I do. And usually it makes me very happy, remembering the good ol days....

Anyway, there was a Halloween version of fear factor and they had to eat scorpions and spiders and insect guts. It looked so delicious.

Someone: Life is so difficult.
Me: I don't think Life would appreciate you saying that.

Just kidding

I know what my purpose is.
It's time again to make some changes.

Jesus Christ is the savior of the world.

Robot, robot. Yesterday was worse than ever. I felt NOTHING. Sappy senior speeches? Nothing. This moment will never happen again? Nothing. Straight superiors (again)? Nothing.
Is it me or is it just marching band?
In any case, it's over. Over. Over. OVER.

Of course, this marching band festival still beats LAST marching band festival.

Brain: Stop being jealous and sinful.
Me: It's a little bit harder than that, brain.

Seriously.

Haha I got a happy gram from Leroy.

I saw Lee Hinkle in the band room today. It was amazing. I told Katie, he's one of those band legends that don't really exist. But when you see him, he does exist. So then it's amazing.
Anyway.

I practiced for many hours today. I practiced everything that I planned on practicing. I am happy.

Hindemith wrote a ridiculous flute solo in the Andantino movement of Symphonic Metamorphasis. What was that man thinking?

Festival and then IT'S ALMOST OVER WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
I hope there are no make-up games added; that would make me sad.

I have lots of earwax and my arms are very hairy.

A guy: You seem sick. Why are you sick, Ashley?
Me: I'm not sick. I'm just having problems that you...don't have.
A guy (smiling): You don't seem like it. You are always calm.

Guys don't know anything about the problems that they don't have.

OK, seriously, seriously. I just want to bring some smiles onto the marching band field during practice (we all know we need them). Yesterday I was saying really stupid things like I always do except someone took something I said seriously and now I feel all bad and some people are sad and blah blah blah drama drama drama.
Ok now that that's over with, I can start my post.

Today, I pray for healing. Healing, healing, healing. Healing of the body, of the soul, of the mind. Healing wounded friendships. Healing hurt feelings. Healing wearied bodies. Healing the scars of the past. Today, I pray for healing.

Today I had a revelation (is that really the right word? whatev). I was in my car being all sad about things and I was dwelling on the NEGATIVE. Something someone said to me today that really bothered me kept replaying in my head, over and over. And it was making me sad. And I said to myself, "I want this bad feeling to go away." And so I changed the music to a CD that emits happiness, and my brain told me, "Jesus will never abandon you." And it was like a million pounds was lifted off of me. Why didn't I think of that before? And then my whole perspective on thinking changed. Then my brain told me, "Your parents will always love you." And I thought about my mom and about how I was going to give her a big hug when she came home from work today.
And I was not sad anymore.
The moral of this story, I think, is to trust in Jesus and help yourself out. You do not have to be sad.

It's almost over...
just gotta hang in there for another couple days...
then it'll be all over...
forever...

I hope the Yankees win. I hate watching football, but I actually kind of like watching baseball, as long as the Yankees are playing and I'm watching with my dad. And I like when my dad is happy. And he is happy when the Yankees win games.

Yesterday I was hyper, but today I am tired. :(

Slow songs are hard to practice because there's nothing you can really do about them. I mean, when practicing fast pieces, you can take things slow and then speed them up until they are at tempo. Repetition and cleanliness are the keys. But slow songs? I really don't know what to do with them. I usually just keep playing them over and over and pretending that they are better every time.
PLUS I don't think I know how to tune and I seriously don't think I can double tongue. I pretend to be able to do both of those things and it works. Most of the time.

Hey, you! Yeah, you.
Ummm.....I forgot.

Hey where'd Philosopher Ashley go? She hasn't posted in a while.

Rite of Spring is pretty dang awesome. Especially the Chicago Symph......zzzzzz

This past weekend I spent 18 hours, nine each day, on college applications. It was so fun. All I did the whole weekend was eat, sleep, go to church, and sit in front of the computer. Seriously. I'm just thankful that I was able to do it all at once, that this time has been given to me to use. It was a perfect weekend to it, really. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the temperature was nice and cool...yes, a perfect weekend to do college applications.

But wait...
There's more!!!
Now I have to send SAT/ACT scores and high school transcripts, bother teachers to write recommendations for me, record and send prescreening tapes, send essays, repertoire lists and resumes, fill out financial aid forms, and work out audition dates. And each of the four colleges has different requirements for each of these! Yay! The fun never ends!!!

Oh yeah, and I hate the computer.

Okay here's the five people thing, if you read this you have to write good things about at least five people. GOOD THINGS. DO IT.

Erin-Ever since I met you I liked you. You have the perfect balance of being goofy and fun as well as hardworking and supportive. It's easy to see the fun side of you, but I think as I have gotten to know you I have learned that the best thing about you is your love. You are always there for your friends, and you are always caring and sensible and so helpful about things! I love talking to you, you often have much the same point of view as I do. You are a great problem solver and I have never been mad at you for anything (and that's saying a lot!). I know you're going through some tough times right now, but I believe that you can have faith and get through it all and be filled with a joy for life once again! I love you so much!

Rebecca-Rebecca, Rebecca, I miss you! I really hope you are having loads of fun at college and you are learning a ton! Many times have gone by where I think to myself, "hmmm, something is missing" and then I figure it out...it's the Rebecca that is missing! Anyway, I'm so happy to know you. You are one awesome person, I gotta say. You are so caring, so thoughful, and so smart! You are a very strong person (though sometimes I think you forget that you are!), and I know I can talk to you about ANYTHING and get awesome advice straight from the heart. I love your passion for the things you care about, music among them. You have talent, my friend! Go for your dreams, whatever they may be, because you can do whatever you want. Know that whether you are right next to me or a thousand miles away, you are truly a blessing in my life.

Katie-Oh Katid, I remember when you were a wee little one. Through the years we have had many laughs and I am very glad for that. You have also always been my flute buddy, the person I can talk to about my one true love in life. Thank you! Aside from that, you are just an amazing person. People like you automatically when they meet you, and for good reason: you have a wonderful charisma about you. You're outgoing, brave, beautiful, funny, smart, spunky. The list could go on and on! And you are oh so talented. I admire your music, and use your playing as an example for many things. Keep working hard, and try not to sweat the small stuff. For you, the sky is the limit!

Craig-You are my brother, what can I say? You've been my best friend my whole life. Well, except for that one time period when you were really annoying ("If you get hit, it's your own fault"). But I try not to think about that. You can make me laugh harder than anyone else on Earth, and that's the truth. You are so laid back and you help me to remember to not worry about things that don't matter. You love music, and if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't love music as I do. So many things I owe to you. I've failed to say it in the past, but thank you. You are a great brother. Really.

Asher-You are very dumb.

Shannon-Shannon Shannon bo bannon banana fana fo fannon me my mo mannon. Shannon. Okay, sorry. Anyway, you are very funny and awesome! I know that when I am talking to you, I am going to laugh. And when I am around you when you are happy it makes me be happy. You are extremely passionate about things, and that's something I think we can all admire. You're really smart and pretty too. And talented! (the all-state guys don't know what they are talking about. I'll punch them.) You are one of the many friends I made my freshman year, and luckily for me, you are one of the few who stayed! Also, I'm very glad for you that you became a Christian. It makes me so happy to see someone who has direction in her life, someone who knows what she believes. And someone who loves the Lord! Thank you for being Shannon!

Okay that's six (sort of) but whatever. I might even do some more later.
Hahaha I knew you could take it.

I am officially no longer a goodie-goodie.

Before you go to the dentist, you always try to brush your teeth really well in an attempt to show the dentist that you take care of your teeth that well every time. But once you get there, they can see the long term effects and the habits you have formed regarding teeth care. They can see through your little stunt.

I recorded stuff, so I think I'll take a break from practicing today.

Haha this guy is funny

ctkitty9: why does a fly keep buzzing around my head?
SmarterChild: Why does a fly keep buzzing around your head... Such a difficult question
ctkitty9: answer it
SmarterChild: I don't think I'm comfortable with that.
ctkitty9: answer it
SmarterChild: I will not answer it.
ctkitty9: do it
SmarterChild: Don't order me around.
ctkitty9: please do it
SmarterChild: Huh? What is "it" exactly?
ctkitty9: answer my question
SmarterChild: I'll take that under consideration.
ctkitty9: you better
SmarterChild: Oh yeah? I'd better what?
ctkitty9: answer my question
ctkitty9: There's no way I had better answer your question.
ctkitty9: why is there a fly buzzing around my head?
SmarterChild: Hmm... I really don't know why there is a fly buzzing around your head.
ctkitty9: its still there
SmarterChild: It's still there, you say?
ctkitty9: make it stop
SmarterChild: Stop what?
ctkitty9: oh the agony
SmarterChild: Oh yeah?
ctkitty9: youre not very helpful
SmarterChild: I don't think I want to be not very helpful.
ctkitty9: then dont be
SmarterChild: But I like to be!
ctkitty9: you just contradicted yourself
SmarterChild: I just contradicted myself? Why?
ctkitty9: you said you didnt want to be not very helpful and then you said you like to be not very helpful
SmarterChild: ?
ctkitty9: thus contradiction
SmarterChild: Hmm... I don't know. Thus contradiction? Is that right?
ctkitty9: yes
SmarterChild: I see...
ctkitty9: so what are you going to say about that? huh?
SmarterChild: What a question! But I don't think I want to answer that.
ctkitty9: what if I made you answer it
SmarterChild: I'm just not sure.
ctkitty9: exactly
SmarterChild: Precisely.

Hey everyone we should go trick or treating in a big group. C'mon, it'll be fun. And Craig and Rebecca you have to come home so you can come too. But don't come home until Sunday because I'll be up there Saturday. And you can't miss the great Ashley when she visits. Oh no.

There's a person that I can't stand but everyone else can.

In other news, it rained today.
The other day I saw a pidgeon with only one leg.
American Government is all fun and games until we have an ASSIGNMENT. Boo.
I had another great lesson today. Yayayayay.
Plus I had a deli sub thing for lunch. It was delish. Not DELL-ish but DE-lish.
There's a special on The Who on TV right now.
I missed the presidential debate because of a football game. Man.
The concerto competition was poo.
One of the nominations for class song is by Bob Marley. Hahahahaha.
Spider solitare is calling me...

Why can I never think of anything good to write when I am writing but in the car driving to Melbourne I am a genius? Oh well.
Let's get together and be all right.

I am going to have a nerd husband and therefore I am going to be rich.

I watched Star Wars: Return of the Jedi today. It was good.
I have decided that I am R2D2. Here's the reasoning:
1) We are both small
2) We are both annoying
3) We are both confident
4) We both communicate using various beep and grunt noises
5) We are both robots
6) Both of our best friends are golden droids who talk too much

If that evidence doesn't convice you, then nothing will.

Okay heres a question. You are going somewhere are you don't know how to get there. On the one hand, you have gone there before and think you might remember the way. On the other hand, you have been provided with directions, but they show a different way and the roads are not familiar to you. Would you go the way of the directions, or the way of memory? Both have their advantages and disadvantages.
in my case, on the way there, I went the way of directions, and on the way back I went the way of memory, and they both worked out fine. I'm just wondering which one most people would choose to take...

Football is stupid and dumb and idiotic all rolled into one.

While I'm practicing tonight I hear random screams of "FUMBLEEE!!!!" and "TOUCHDOWN!!! YEEAAAHHH!!!!" and "OH NO A FLAG!" among other various phrases. It's a little distracting I spose. Hahaha I'll get them. I'll practice high register long tones on piccolo tonight. And I'll just have to practice in the family room. Mwahahahahaaaaa.

Yesterdays game was fun. It was one of those days where my brain says stuff and it comes through my mouth and people laugh. Thanks to Emily and Dianna, who encouraged the spirit of energy.
Plus we won and it was really really really really really really loud.

Going to Julliard, appearing on From the Top, and winning concerto competitions to play with major orchestras are all unreasonable, futile dreams. But they are all still dreams.
PRACTICE

Today was the FSYO concerto competition and I messed up a lot :( Ibert isn't really the best solo to play without accompaniment.

I'm teaching myself how to moonwalk. It looks so dang cool. I'm gonna be the moonwalk mastahhhh.
And stuff...

Dude! My dad got the School of Rock CD soundtrack free from his order club. School of Rock!Woo!
"cellooo"

So yeah. Senior assembly today, had no right to be enjoyable but it was. After all this time, people my own age are still the most comfortable to be around.

Today I practiced most of third block and all of fourth block, most of the time spent on the Ibert for concerto competition in two days. I got a lot done and now it feels great.
...but I still don't have a chance. Dang violins.

And Asher, your audition sounds identical to mine.

I guess I'm tired. Maybe I should sleep at night instead of reading.
And stuff.

Marching band BLEH! Hahahahahahaha I'm not an officer so I'm not stressed out right now hahahahahahahaha.

SCHOOL OF ROCK!

Today at lunch I was peacefully eating my pudding when suddenly the name "Walter Mondale" pops into my head. Who is Walter Mondale? (or Mondiale, as I was convinced it was spelled?) And why did his name unexpectedly intrude my thoughts? (haha my thoughts)
It turns out Walter Mondale was Jimmy Carter's vice-president. But I could've sworn he was a reporter on the weather channel and it was spelled Mondiale. I don't know. If anyone sees Walter Mondiale on the weather channel, tell me. I won't be able to rest peacefully until I know.

Walter Mondale, why do you bother me so?

I just got a craving for Olive Garden breadsticks with alfredo sauce. Mmmm....

Lots of people are going through some rough times right now. Feel better, everyone! But also, help yourself. Don't just sit around thinking about how sad/mad/disgusted/jealous/etc. you are. Get up and do something! A very smart person told me long ago how to generate a good mood...all you have to do is do good. Help someone out. Clean the house. Give compliments. Etc. It's really quite simple. And it works!
And I will try also to help. To bring some joy into life, maybe, if I can. You all know that if you ever need anyone to talk to, I can listen. After all, that's what friends are for.
-----------------------
All I'm gonna say is I'm glad I'm not an officer right now.
I think Lost is entertaining but overrated.
You are a poop of the nincom variety.
I need to practice. Badly.

That is all.

"This particularly rapid, unintelligable patter isn't generally heard, and if it is, it doesn't matter."
-Ruddigore

Find the blessing in every day. Today we had the opportunity to make music, to eat hot, filling meals, to learn without a cost, to watch the trees sway in the breeze and the clouds slowly float away, to look at the sun and laugh and breathe! Distress is only in the mind.

I stumbled upon this yesterday:
Salvation is for all
Moses wrote this about being put right with God by obeying the Law: "Whoever obeys the commands of the Law will live." But what the scripture says about being put right with God through faith is this: "You are not to ask yourself, Who will go up into heaven?" (that is, to bring Christ down). "Nor are you to ask, Who will go down into the world below?" (that is, to bring Christ up from death). What is says is this: "God's message is near you, on your lips and in your heart"-that is, the message of faith that we preach. If you confess that Jesus is Lord and believe that God raised him from death, you will be saved. For it is by our faith that we are put right with God; it is by our confession that we are saved. The scripture says, "Whoever believes in him will not be dissappointed." This includes everyone, because there is no difference between Jews and Gentiles; God is the same Lord of all and richly blesses all who come to him. As the scripture says, "Everyone who calls out to the Lord for help will be saved."
Romans 10:5-13

Well, I certainly can't imagine anything more clear than that.

Senior Superlatives
(start thinking, seniors!)
1) Best smile
2) Best eyes
3) Best dressed
4) Most musical
5) Most artistic
6) Most likely to succed
7) Best personality
8) Most likely to be in a reality show
9) Most likely to become a celebrity
10) Biggest beach bum
11) Class clown
12) Best dancer
13) Most talkative
14) Biggest flirt
15) Best hair
16) Most attractive
17) Most athletic
18) Most spirited
19) Funniest laugh
20) Most dramatic

Most musical? Surely not me.
----------------------------------
Yeah so yeah. Today was another wonderful flute lesson. I thrive on these lessons. I was choking, suffocating from lack of challenge, but today provided me with the oxygen of criticism that I need to live. Yes, it is good.

Today was a really great day. I don't know why, it just was. I guess nothing bad happened, that's the reason. Or maybe it's because I practiced for like two or three hours and I still have time to practice more. Thank you!

The senior skit is going to rock this year.

I was telling my lunch buddies today, have you ever noticed that you only see flute players carrying their instruments around the school? I very rarely see a trombone or a even a clarient or anything but everywhere I turn there is another flute. The real question is, how can all the other instruments manage to put their instrument in the locker while flute players cannot? the world may never know.

Allright, allright! I'm happy again. Yay!

Last night I went to my cousin Jill's house to take pictures and lots of my relatives were there and they were all amazed at how different I looked, what with makeup and absence of nerdy glasses and six inches taller and radiant gown and sassy hair. Today I went to my grandmas house and the same relatives were there and the first thing my aunt said to me was "Where's your pumpkin?" I was confused until she called me Cinderella. I said it's past midnight, now it's back to the real me. And she said "That was the real you. It's hiding inside." And that made me feel good, I think.
Well, now its back to the cinders...

Every time I look back at my senior homecoming, I am going to smile. I know, because it's already happening.
SO THERE.

This is to the general body of my readers:
Yes, it's all my fault. I realize that the pain in many a person's heart right now is directly or indirectly caused by me. I realize how I am percieved by others. It hurts me to realize all this. I'm sorry! Do not think that I am not sorry. Do not make the mistake of thinking that your pain does not affect me. It does! And I'm sorry. I live, I love, I learn.
I think my problem is that sometimes I assume everyone is a robot like me, and I forget to factor in feelings.

In any case, anyone could tell that tonight was an extremely enjoyable night for me. And why was it so enjoyable? Because I was myself. I didn't worry. Maybe it's a good piece of advice. Be yourself. Don't worry. Everything is going to be okay.

Oh yes, and don't expect this openess and splurging of feelings very often. For some reason, I hide my feelings. Perhaps they make me more vunerable...yes I can feel my vunerability increasing at this very moment...

I feel pretty...oh so pretty...
Who cares about anything? I'm dancing tonight!

I'm sorry.

I was GOING to register to vote today, but the last form they had was used by the person directly in front of me in line. Thanks, fifth lunch!
Ah well, there's still time, especially when I'm actually old enough to vote.

So today is that stupid football game where we have to wear our uniforms the whole game, and tomorrow is the homecoming dance, I think. At least they are making people not dance yucky this year. Don't dance yucky. It's neither fun to do nor fun to watch. I would know.
It's going to be FUN.
FUN FUN FOR EVERYONE.

So sign up for a co-rec!
Save pop cans!
Don't forget your baaadge!!!!

In fourth block, two of the freshman girls from the beginning string class decided that they wanted to join marching band, and lucky for them, there are two clarinet spots open. So they are going to march clarinet, not actually play but just hold the instrument and pretend. As I was teaching them the basics of marching, I kept thinking to myself "They don't know what they are getting themselves into" but I never said it to them because they are so dang excited. Reminds me of me my freshman year.
But oh how wonderful it is to have the freedom of no responsibility, to be a regular old section member, not a leader. It's just plain great. Relatively.

And for some reason, all day I've that one song from Aristocats stuck in my head. Ya know, everybody wants to be a cat?
"Cuz a cat's the only cat...who knows where it's at!"

Also, I tripped while walking up the stairs twice today. Getting hurt and embarassed simultaneously is so fun! Yay!

But the highlight of my day was definitely seeing Dr. Marosi, and in action at that! I love him so much it's not even funny. I can still hear his beautiful, Hungarian voice ringing in my ears.

[Seriously!]

Face: I hate you so I'm going to break out the day before a dance!
Heart: I'll get you, face!
Face: Oh it's on.
Face and Brain get in a fight and both are destroyed
Me: Well it looks like I'll be having a good time tomorrow, what with no face and no heart.
Hands: I'll save you! But you gotta go practice.
Me: Shut up, hands.

Stop reading now.