I'm getting a haircut tomorrow.
My mom trying to convince me to get highlights
Mom: You should get highlights. They'd look so good...
Me: No
Mom: Why not?
Me: Because I don't want to
Mom: Why are you so Plain-Janie?
Me: Why are you so Plain-Janie?

Good answer, Ash.

I guess I am a little Plain Janie, whatever that is. But only with certain things. I have good reason to be. Like with wearing meakeup, here's my theory. If you wear makeup all the time, people will get used to seeing you with makeup. It will become a part of you. And when they see you without it on, they'll think you look (excuse the word) ugly. I like to have something to make me look good when I want to. People who wear makeup all the time won't have this. I suppose you could put on MORE makeup than you usually do, but this might be bordering on looking worse.
Plus it's just too much work.

Capt. Jack Sparrow:
"If you were waiting for the opportune moment....that was it."

Man. Crazy stuff. Thanks everyone who came to da partay.
I wonder if they ever figured out the joking face rule?
This is what I did the past few days (because everyone cares a lot, I know):

-Wake up
-Go to beach
-Leave beach
-Watch sun come out
-Wash feet and teach Alyssa how to play Chopsticks at Rebeccas
-Go back to me house with Alyssa and Ribiki
-Start to watch Under the Tuscan Sun
-Find fondue supplies/recipie
-Go out to Winn-Dixie to get fondue ingredients
-Make/eat fondue
-Shoo everyone out of house
-Take shower
-Clean house
-Sleep one half hour
-Practice about 15 min
-Hang out in my room with Shannon and Rebecca
-Watch Down with Love
-Play some card games
-Start to watch Pirates of the Carribean
-Eat pizza
-Open presents
-Hang around/act stupid/watch Will jump around
-Start to play Guesstures
-Watch the end of Pirates and a bunch of special features
-Watch the end of Jay Leno
-Watch Conan O'Brian (and learn about the joking face)
-Watch Home Improvement (this is about 4:30 at night)
-Move to the other room because my dad woke up to watch the Yankees at 5:00
-Fall to the forces of sleep
-Wake up to see Josh leaving
-Move to my room, sleep till 11
-Quintet rehearsal
-Sleep another hour
-Go to flute lesson
-Go....somewhere
-Go to Joshs
-Head home
-Get a full night of rest and sleep
-blog

What I will do today:
Rehearse to play flute at retirement homes
Play flute at retirement homes

That will last till about 7. If someone wants to do something (movie maybe?) give me the ring a ding.

The joking face. Hahaha. Good show!
What a good night. Spring break is my friend.

Happy birthday, Ash!
Doesn't it feel good to be seventeen?
Oh yes. Indeed.

Thank you for my girlfriends, a hundred thousand million trillion times.

Anyone who sees me when I'm tired will never say that I'm smart. I am definitely smrt.

...Hey, don't look at mee. I didn't do anything.

Today has been a glorious day so far. I think the weather is finally bringing me up. Good timing, weather.
Weather: Thanks
I'm still shaking from yet another dog running in front of my car. It was on my street. One minute I'm checking my rearview mirror, the next a big brown dog is happily sprinting directly in front of me. Because I was going so slow to start with, I didn't even come close to hitting it (luckily). After I slowed down, I looked to the side and a little girl was stading at the house next to me, looking thoroughly frightened and yelling the dog's name. It could've gotten pretty bad if I hit it. The one I did hit the other day was running around U.S.1. What's a dog doing running around U.S.1 anyway? Stupid suicide dogs, always running in front of my car. They obviously don't know that cars can kill them. Maybe someone should teach them.

In other news, my b-day is tomorrow. If you plan on going to the beach, meet at my house at 10:30 in the morning and we can all arrange driving etc. If you can't make it to my house, call me and I'll arrange something so we can pick you up. Oh yes and if it is raining or bad weather or something then call me before you come because there might just be a rain chack. Kapeesh?

It is March 27.
Mr. Krienes likes my solo.
The anniversary of my birthday is in two days.
The weather was nice today.
I can't find an agreeable prom dress.
Or an agreeable prom date.
I got accepted to Interlochen.
Jepordy is on T.V. right now.
I was the only flute at orchestra today.
It is 10:00.
Gas is $1.69/gallon at BP.
The Sorcerers Apprentice was on the radio today.
I need to finish the book I'm reading.
I did not practice my flute today.
Chicken was for dinner.
I am talking to two people online.
Make that three.
Make that four.
The phone rang for me twice today.
I woke up at 9:30 this morning.
My hair was up all day.
Satire is hard to write.
Hidalgo is a good movie.
Today I went to Orlando, Melbourne, and Merritt Island.
The ending to 1812 is roughly 30 seconds long.
Spring break is finally here.

OOOOOOOHHHHHH YYEEEEEEAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!

Tomorrow might be good.
This is true of every day.

My family celebrated my birthday yesterday, and the best present was from my Aunt Karlene and Uncle Larry (visiting from NY). They wrote inside the card:
"Ashley,
Your home is in Florida but your roots began in Buffalo. Thought you might like a momento."
I opened the gift, and what should be there but a little stuffed animal of a buffalo. That was the best present ever. I said I would keep it forever. And I plan on it.

A stuffed buffalo! Who would've thought?

You can't win, can ya?

Good mood!
I have to laugh every time I see the back page of our phone book. It's an ad for Morgan, Colling, and Gilbert, and Craig at some time wrote all over it in permenant black marker. The giant picture of John Morgan now has devil horns, a goatee, and some thick black glasses. He's now saying "INJURED? Too bad!" and the slogan reads "Morgan, Colling, and Gilbert...for the profit." Good stuff, that is.

Today in band the Stetson trombone choir came to play. I saw it and it made me want to play trombone. And then I wonder: why are all instrument choirs (except maybe oboe-sorry Erin, but its true) better than flute choir? The trombone choir filled up the room, they could make the floor shake; oh the power they had! The only possibly good thing about flute choirs is that they can play faster than any other instrument. But that doesn't matter when the sound is s'dang bright and out of tune. The sound is just...ugh, makes you want to gouge your eyes out. I've heard clarinet choirs, they have a beautiful, dark sound. Trumpet choirs have a strong, radiant sound that is perfect for fanfares and "royal music" as I call it. I can't say enough about cello choirs, the beauty just blows my mind away. Maybe I picked the wrong instrument. I think if I went back knowing what I know now I wouldn't have picked flute. Mainly because everybody is good and it's hard to compete.
Don't get me wrong, I love the flute, the sound, the versatility, the ease by which it is played. It's wonderful for orchestra, band, jazz, with singers, in solos and small ensembles, etc. I just hate flute choirs.
There's my rant for the day, take it or leave it.

I'm starting to get over my fears. There's a wind of change in the air, I can feel it. I don't know where life is taking me, but I'm ready to go.

Me: Sooooooo, liiife, what's up?
Life: Not much

Sometimes I wish I knew what would happen in the future. I could make things so easy for my future self if I only knew. But alas, there's no way of knowing, so I guess I just have to be ready for anything.
I never really understood that phrase. How can you be ready for ANYTHING? I mean, seriously. Tomorrow, I wouldn't be ready for a blizzard to come to PSJ. I wouldn't be ready for a test in English. I wouldn't be ready if someone came up to me and told me I won a million dollars, or likewise that my family lost all our money (don't ask me how either of them would happen). I wouldn't be ready if someone asked my hand in marriage. I wouldn't be ready if my car blew up. I wouldn't even be ready if the president came to visit.
Just look at all those things I wouldn't be ready for! In a conclusion, I don't think someone can really be ready for anything. You have to pick and choose the things you are ready for. Pick wisely. The choice may be the difference between life and death, or even better, eternal life or death. Sometimes you can know what is going to happen. Sometimes you can even have some imput to the future. And at the present you have to choose the best future you can have. But you never can be 100% sure. Something can always happen, something out of your control. As my mom likes you say, you can't control everything. But you better do a dang good job controlling the things you can.

Every day for me is a toss up whether I am happy or sad. I think some of it has to do with people. I am much happier when I am surrounded by friends. At least when friends are being nice. Being with people almost forces you to be happy, you know? Because you don't want to bring others down. Nobody likes a downer. And when you are alone it is so easy to think about troubles and other bad things. I get mad at myself whenever I'm sad because I feel like I shouldn't be. Like "Jeez, there's no reason to be sad. Get over it!" But there's nothing to get over either. It's tough to deal with, this sadness for no reason. Stupid hormones. I seriously believe that many evils of the world stem from hormones. Like all of them.
There's so much more to life than worrying. Being happy feels so good! But I don't think you can just make yourself happy. You can certainly try. But being sad is a strange thing. It's almost like you want to STAY sad. Happy people just seem annoying and you get envious. So you're even more alienated. When this happens to me, I turn to God and music. They both help, every time.

By the way, today was a happy day.

Man. I'm pretty stupid. That's the ticket!

Sheperd me, oh God
Beyond my wants
Bayond my fears
From death into life

Brain: Go to bed. You're tired.
Me: I want to write in blogger...
Brain: You have nothing to write about. D'habitude.
Me: Shut up
Brain: You're gonna regret it in the morning...

I want to complain about life, but I can't because I have no right to. I have no right to be unhappy right now. But I still am. And I hate myself for it.

You know, there are some things that I find myself not being able to relate to when people talk to me about them. Like divorce or broken famlies. Like death. Like the joys and stresses of graduation and college. Like weight problems. I don't know what it's like, because I've never been there before. I just can't understand, sometimes I can't even imagine. That's how I think people react to my life sometimes. They don't understand, because they haven't been there. But who am I to say that? Maybe I'm just being a teenager, like all the rest. We are all "misunderstood." But maybe not. After all, there are lots of things I don't tell people.

Each year, we play different music at festival and each year the music means something different (both to me and within the music itself). This year, Schwindt made festival all about moments. The music must communicate the special moments, and I think we achieved that very well. I also believe that we played the best we ever have, but with the least amount of work. We got lucky.
Funny, when marching band got straight superiors earlier this year, I worked myself into a frenzy that no sugar rush could ever do. It was the best feeling in the world. I felt on top of the universe, and nothing could've brought me down. Tonight, on the other hand, I felt pretty happy (of course) but nothing like at marching band. I think it's because each person puts so much more into marching band. Really when I look back on it, I put almost no effort into concert band when compared to marching band. No time, no stress, and hardly any practicing. It's just there. But marching band is HARD. And as much as I do hate it, it is a cherished part of my life (yeah yeah start laughing). Nobody can understand the feeling of working s'dang hard at practices, experiencing how much we go through, and having the show come together perfectly and have it reflect thought the ratings, unless he was there. It just one of those things, you just don't understand until you do it. I can describe it to you, but you won't know REALLY. I guess you get out of it what you put in.

Alyssa's quote of the day "You can't be afraid of death if you want to live."

In other news, I'm still shaking from hitting a dog on the way home. I didn't kill or even fatally wound it, I know because I saw it running away after I hit it. I slowed down a lot before, because I could see that it was going to run in front of me. I think I prolly just bumped it. But it still scared the bejeebas out of me.

Everyone's going to the beach tomorrow, but I have to go to orchestra. Next year I should not have rehearsals on Saturday.

When oh when should my birthday party be? No one day works for everyone. It's sad :(

People are stupid.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
I just saw the article. It's in the Communities section, page 7 something. It's funny because she said I competed against 500 other flute players nationwide. It was against 56, and all of them were from Florida (although it was open to the whole nation.) Oh well. I can't complain, because I am now a star! (sort of)

Look closely at your Star Advocate today. You might see something suprising.

I feel much better then yesterday. Sometimes my emotions decide to explode.

(After we get our report cards in 1st yesterday. Students all across the room are moaning and/or talking excitedly about grades)
Me (to Nick W.): "So, dija get all As?"
Nick: "Yeah. Did you?"
Me: "Yeah."

I work so hard, and then when the time comes to celebrate I don't even care anymore. Strange...

Nothing is getting any better. Help! I don't know why these dark rings appear under my eyes. How do I come home from school every day feeling utterly exhausted, looking ahead only to another full night of work and study?
It's happening again, I'm sure, but this time I don't know why. There's something inside me that I can't seem to express, I don't even know what it is. Longing for something. Longing for what? For God? For life? For love? For sleep, even? I don't have a clue. But it's not a pleasant experience.

Rock on!

So much sugar today...not a bad thing at the time, of course, but now I'm feeling the consequences. Ugh.

Man some of those guys in The Who are pretty ugly. But I love them anyway.

Lord, to whom shall we go?
Lord to whom shall we go?
For you alone
have words of eternal life.

Take everything one step at a time, Ash. One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time. One second at a time. You can handle seconds, can't you? Many seconds make up a minute, and many minutes make an hour. Smack some hours together and you've got yourself a day. Many days, a week, many weeks, a year. Many years, a lifetime. So in theory if you can handle each second at a time, then you can handle a lifetime. The hard part is trying to be consistant with your seconds. You can't give up. You can't give up. You can't give up.

I think I would say that out of every year of my life, I have learned the most this year. I have learned a lot about what truly matters in life, and what matters very little. You know, life is so perfect and everything is fine and you're just so dang happy until you reach an age. Then your world is turned upside down. Then you're confused and wandering and exploring and crying and experimenting. But most of all confused. And nobody understands, it seems. And there's nobody to turn to.

Here's something from a book my mom gave me (Thoughts to Share with a Wonderful Teenager). It's by Barabara Cage:
A teenager is a person who is
part child and part adult.
A teenager is someone who loves
to have fun and thrives on
excitement, yet sometimes feels
overwhelmed by new
responsibilitiesand expectations.
A teenager is someone who is still
learning from the past and is
unsure about the future.
A teenager is someone who craves
friends and an active social life
yet finds that you can't please
everyone.
A teenager is someone who needs
someone in his or her own life who
is a good example, who can be trusted
with secrets, who is an
avid listener.
A teenager is someone who needs
to know that life always gets
better and that the things worth
having are worth working
and waiting for.
A teenager is someone who needs to
understand that trying, combined
with persistance and determination,
are the biggest parts of succeeding
and that mistakes are okay as long as
you learn from them.
In between the joy of being a protected,
cherished child
and the contentment of being a free,
independent adult
is the fun
the frustration
the confusion
the boredom
the excitement
the despondence
and the elation
of a
teenager.

Wow, I can believe how well that hits home.

publish

Millays the stuff.

Today (a good day, to be sure):
Wake up with lotsa sleep
Breakfast
Practice
Write letter
Partay
Blog

I can't stop laughing.

Here's a poem I like by Edna St. Vincent Millay:

"Witch-Wife"
She is neither pink nor pale,
And she never will be all mine;
She learned her hands in a fairy tale,
And her mouth on a valentine.

She has more hair than she needs;
In the sun 'tis a woe to me!
And her voice is a string of coloured beads,
Of steps leading to the sea.

She loves me all that she can,
And her ways to my ways resign;
But she was not made for any man,
And she will never be all mine.

I finally did it!
No swimming worries anymore!
Oh the comfort...

Rebecca, you are the only person who consistantly stays after at parties at my house to help clean up. It shouldn't be a big thing, really, but to me it is. Now, I know most people who come have curfews or have to leave earlier for some reason. I know, some of you guys would help clean up. But there were about 10 people sitting in a room just a few feet away, creating a mess while we were cleaning up the mess in the other room.
It only takes a weak friend to come to a party, it takes a real true friend to stay after and help clean up. I commend you for that and thank you greatly. You are a real true friend.

I get jealous when I see people all happy and energetic after school on Firday. They feel like partying, I feel like going to bed. Although I'm excited for the weekend, a week of school drains my energy. I don't know why either.
And then I come home and everything is just perfect. JUST PERFECT.
(Don't cross me today, I'm in pain and having mood swings.)

The first thought that comes to my mind when I wake up in the morning is "What day is it?" Then I answer myself with a whisper, saying the day of the week. And then I'll be sad if it's not Saturday, and I'll mentally rant to myself about how unfair it is that I don't get more sleep than I do (I have to wake up early every day except Saturday). Maybe I'll calculate how many days I have until I can sleep in again. Then I'll feel bad because I ranted, and tell myself that I should be grateful for every single day, because each day holds endless opportunities. All of this has happenes while I'm laying (lying?) in bed and avoiding getting up. Then I'll wonder what would happen if I just refused to get out of bed and refused to go to school or simply went back to sleep. Every day I consider what would happen if I faked sick or skipped school. But I finally tell myself that I HAVE to get up, because I have some lives to save and crime to fight. Well, I don't think that. But it would be cool if I did. But I always end up getting up, though, somehow. I don't really know how it happens, I just find myself out of bed after a while, getting ready for school. I think most of the time it's because my bladder is really full.
This process happens everyday except Saturday and is a fine example of the battles that my brain has with my body every day. I wonder how I survive them...

Today
was
okay

Sometimes you think you know something only to find out that you were completely and utterly wrong. Sometimes you think you know something and you find out that what you knew was true but you were missing some parts. Sometimes you think you know something and only part of what you think is true. Sometimes you think you know something and it turns out that you were totally right.
It feels really bad when you think you know something and you are proven wrong. Like a punch in the stomach or a slap in the face. BAM! It hits you that YOU WERE WRONG. Nobody likes to admit he is wrong. Most people are stubborn and proud and refuse to accept the truth, and keep fighting for what they thought was right even after they learn the real truth. I know I've done it before. I keep on arguing for my view even though I know it's wrong, just because I don't want to admit defeat, admit that I was wrong. People are hard to change; ideas people have are harder to change.
That's when things get shaky. Tempers flare up and the shouting (physically or methaphorically) begins. Just let your view go, if you are proven wrong. There's no point in wallowing in ignorance when you could just take a little blow to your pride and admit you are wrong. It's actually not that bad, and it makes you feel better too. The longer you wait, the harder it becomes to do. So stop waiting! Do it now, before it's too late. But alas, it's never too late to change...

I know some really amazing people. I wonder if all the amazing people are squished into the small amount of people I know or if they are spead evenly throughout the world, if the density of amazing people is like this everywhere and not just Titusville, etc. It's hard to imagine. I think very highly of many people who dont even know that I think highly of them. If I told everybody what I thought of them, most would be pleasantly surprised. Some would be unpleasantly surprised. But I am lucky to know every single person, because nobody is the same and everybody has some good qualities.

I'm sorry.

Hahaha James looked up my criminal record and it had nothing in it.

I thought this week was going to be bad...and it is. I need to go do homework.
Good stuff, that life.

We painted my room. Now it's a purple-pink color, just like I said.
It's also rearranged.
Now I have a million boxes to unload my stuff out of again. Reminds me of when I moved to Florida. So much stuff...
I love sight reading days.
Craig comes home soon!
I still don't have a date to prom. Jerks.
Everyone should listen to The Who's rock opera, Tommy. The plot is about a deaf dumb and blind kid who plays pinball. There's a song in the end called "Tommy's Camp" (I think) and it's really scary.

I figured out the answer to that taunting question, "Where does all the time go?" It goes, my friends, wherever you take it.

That is all.

I cheated the system!

Your Superhero Persona by couplandesque
Your Name
Superhero Name	Ice Barda
Super Power	Mind-Reading
Enemy	The rappers
Mode Of Transportation	Super speed (by foot)
Weapon	Disco ball of doom
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

I've been grounded...by my friends.

Wow! A letter from good ol' Crystal. Things like this make you feel so...good. I can't wait to write her back now! And in it she mentioned Chris and OM, the same things that I strongly remember. Now I'm getting nostalgic. But it's okay. Thats what memories are for. Well maybe not. But eh.
You know, I can have 5893852 wonderful friends, but the best friends of my childhood will always have a special place in my heart. I would love to see them again!

It's times like this, friends, that test my ability to observe Lent faithfully or not.

Stop it! Jerk.

I should've seen it coming. I mean, come on, look at my past.
Maybe it's not what I think it is. But I trust my mad intuition.

The tone of someone's voice is enought to learn many things. People often cover up intention with words. But sometimes you can tell...

You know that thing that you've been waiting for for a very long time? Such a long time that you've nearly given up hope of it happening? And you're searching each day for an excuse, hope that it might happen soon? Well, don't give up faith. It will happen when you least expect it. You just gotta have believe, and never give up the search. It WILL happen. Someday.

Today I
studied the effect the reconstruction era had on America, discovered how to find the volume of an abstract graph rotated around the x or y axis, considered two essays written on contrasting sides of the capital punishment controversy, and played on my flute works by Hayden, Shubert, Hindemith, Prokofiev, and other composers. I listened to orchestral music, band music, chamber music, choral music, jazz music, pop music, and folk music. I discussed movies, religion, gossip, music, and psychological theory. I danced, laughed, yelled, and pondered. I felt overjoyed, depressed, talkative, reserved, tired, energetic, beautiful, ugly, friendly, annoying, ashamed, proud, and on the top of the world.

It was a normal day.

Sometimes I wonder about my faith. It just doesn't seem to be enough. I see the religious battles staged every day, and I am beginning to realize that I could not contend, even if I tried. Both sides seem to know so much more; both sides seem to care so much more. Still, I wonder why I am not moved to even try to join the fight. I would let someone walk all over my religion. Actually, I have let people walk all over my religion. Without so much as a flinch on my part. I find a major problem in that. Yet I don't know what to do about it all. Though I've been raised a Christian all my life, I'm still young in my faith. Vunerable and tactless, and not a good fighter. There's so much still to learn...

My oh my what a wonderful day (and a Monday too!)

My mom's currently out of town for business, so my dad took me to Cracker Barrel tonight. It was an all-around successful trip: first, we got the best parking spot, then we got seated fast, then I played the pegs game thing and left only one peg, after that we accidently got all buiscuits instead of half cornbread (though cornbread is good too). The food took a while to get there, but when we got it, it was really good. When we were almost finished the waitress came over and told us that she asked the manager who said we could have free dessert because we waited for a our food for so long. So we each ordered a dessert and my dad was like "You can bring our food late every time if you'd like." We walked out of there feeling full, satisfied, and very very lucky.

Along with the Lord of the Rings beating everyone up at the Acadamy Awards, I have
No homework!

OHHHH YEEEAAHHHH!!!!!