I am tired. I need a weekend to just rest.
We live such fast lives. Full of STUFF. I desire time to slow it down. Like in middle school, when I would sit around for hours and read books. High school, when I would walk around parks with friends and just do nothing. College summers, when I would go to the beach every weekend, lay on a blanket, and simply enjoy the sun and the surf. Some may say these things are a waste of time. I disagree. We all need time to sit and REST.
Monday, February 17, 2014
It was going to be perfect. It was going to be beautiful, something we could share with all of our friends to bring even more joy to the already joyous and victorious weekend. It was something we have both been eagerly awaiting for months now. We fought for it - I was willing to put my body on the line for it. We were too excited, too ready.
We lost it.
He cried in pain and my heart broke.
The memory of friendship and laughter was not enough to raise my spirits today. I felt sullen, listless. Exhausted in body and spirit and in need of healing.
Rainbows are beautiful. So many colors radiant in the gloomy gray mass of sky.
The joint loss of something so precious has driven us to each other. Leaning on each other in such a time has amplified our love to glorious volumes. Since childhood, I have never depended emotionally on someone quite so deeply. It's ironic, really, that loss has created in us an unmistakable bond that only we understand. It was a moment that only we share and that we'll never forget.
Do I regret it, not trusting myself? Yes I do.
Is it for the best? Yes it is.
I trace the rainbow through the rain
And feel the promise is not vain
That morn shall tearless be.
We lost it.
He cried in pain and my heart broke.
The memory of friendship and laughter was not enough to raise my spirits today. I felt sullen, listless. Exhausted in body and spirit and in need of healing.
Rainbows are beautiful. So many colors radiant in the gloomy gray mass of sky.
The joint loss of something so precious has driven us to each other. Leaning on each other in such a time has amplified our love to glorious volumes. Since childhood, I have never depended emotionally on someone quite so deeply. It's ironic, really, that loss has created in us an unmistakable bond that only we understand. It was a moment that only we share and that we'll never forget.
Do I regret it, not trusting myself? Yes I do.
Is it for the best? Yes it is.
I trace the rainbow through the rain
And feel the promise is not vain
That morn shall tearless be.
Friday, February 07, 2014
So I was convinced by my co-worker and mother to start watching The Bachelor again this season. So I am. Get over it.
There is a girl on the show who is an opera singer. She has been working in Germany, because that is where she won a job. The way she talks, how she has been so career-focused in the past and has put everything, including relationships as second priority, both saddens me and sounds all too familiar. I can definitely relate to this girl. I doubt that any of the other girls, or the bachelor, or anybody who hasn't been in professional classical music themselves, really knows what this girl has been through. Hours of practice a day. Endless research on the pieces you play. Scheduling nightmares. Lessons, gigs, concerts, recitals, trying to make ends meet with your voice alone. REJECTIONS and very harsh CRITICISMS. Having to give up time with friends and family. Not being there for holidays because that's when you can find jobs. And singers have their own set of problems. Taking care of the body becomes a pretty high priority, because when you're sick, you can't work.
Yes, you have to make everything second priority to really, truly make it.
My take on this: now don't get me wrong... music is awesome, and I still love it and I don't regret that I went into the field. But from my perspective, sacrificing so much is just NOT WORTH IT. I escaped the endless cycle of auditions, rejections, and performances, but I still managed to find work in the field. And my life is so much better for it.
Some musicians, especially those starry-eyed ones still in college, absolutely do not know what life is outside of music. I was like that too. To me fun, used to be playing duets with other flute players... going to concerts... hanging out with other musicians and talking about our friends (who were also musicians). Music, music, music.
If you are one of these people, know that there is a whole big world out there with LOTS of things to experience. Don't let your whole being be wrapped up in one tiny little aspect. Live life!
There is a girl on the show who is an opera singer. She has been working in Germany, because that is where she won a job. The way she talks, how she has been so career-focused in the past and has put everything, including relationships as second priority, both saddens me and sounds all too familiar. I can definitely relate to this girl. I doubt that any of the other girls, or the bachelor, or anybody who hasn't been in professional classical music themselves, really knows what this girl has been through. Hours of practice a day. Endless research on the pieces you play. Scheduling nightmares. Lessons, gigs, concerts, recitals, trying to make ends meet with your voice alone. REJECTIONS and very harsh CRITICISMS. Having to give up time with friends and family. Not being there for holidays because that's when you can find jobs. And singers have their own set of problems. Taking care of the body becomes a pretty high priority, because when you're sick, you can't work.
Yes, you have to make everything second priority to really, truly make it.
My take on this: now don't get me wrong... music is awesome, and I still love it and I don't regret that I went into the field. But from my perspective, sacrificing so much is just NOT WORTH IT. I escaped the endless cycle of auditions, rejections, and performances, but I still managed to find work in the field. And my life is so much better for it.
Some musicians, especially those starry-eyed ones still in college, absolutely do not know what life is outside of music. I was like that too. To me fun, used to be playing duets with other flute players... going to concerts... hanging out with other musicians and talking about our friends (who were also musicians). Music, music, music.
If you are one of these people, know that there is a whole big world out there with LOTS of things to experience. Don't let your whole being be wrapped up in one tiny little aspect. Live life!
Wednesday, February 05, 2014
If you are ever sad and you want a pick-me-up, watch this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSpIcGSqP0A
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSpIcGSqP0A
