Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Lots of stuff.
Happiness, pride, ambition, lonliness, work, shame, fatigue, and joy...constant joy.
Friends?

My favorite thing to do is to pull my wallet out and ask people if they want to see my boyfriend. They usually get excited, silently erasing the notion that I don't have a boyfriend. Then I show them the first picture in my wallet (you all know what that is, right?), and they laugh. And I say, "Okay, I'll admit it....he's really my ex-boyfriend."

I learned a lot at the flute convention, I really did. The people I spent time with and the experiences I made, mainly, taught me a lot about life. I won't expand further, but I know now that I have a lot more to pray for than I thought I did. These are the things you learn eventually.

Monday, January 30, 2006

This sickness is very interesting. I don't know what's wrong with me, but it makes my brain crazy (among other things, of course). Feverish thoughts: I know they wouldn't be there if I wasn't sick. I can think logically, I think, but at the same time, everything is blurred together; it's like I'm living in a dream, in every sense of the phrase.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

I won the competition! But I am very sick and extremely exhausted right now.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Allright! It's time!

Kay guys...tomorrow is the day I have been waiting for. If you pray for me, pray for a safe trip, that the competition may be fair, that everyone may do their very best, and that the best flute player may win. And all for the glory of God! Hurrah!

And with that, I'm off until Sunday. Maybe I'll have some good news to share when I get back!

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Soo..I played in wind seminar.
It wasn't bad (and the nerves were better than yesterday), it just wasn't my best.
Well, everyone seemed to like it, so eh.
Darn those technical passages.

The audience at wind seminar is not very supportive, at best. Clapping for people lasts for about two seconds, and everyone looks so disinterested when you play. I saw someone in the front row sleeping through my performance. I tried to stare him down, but he wasn't looking. Later he told me I did a good job.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

So I played my competition piece for Karl Heinz-Schutz tonight. I got so nervous that my legs were shaking and my hands went almost totally numb! That's NEVER happened before! But somehow, it still went quite well, with no memory slips, and I got some really good constructive criticism from him. I think I'm ready for this!

Tomorrow is wind seminar, next day I leave, next day we form Team Flute and take over the world...I mean, play in a competition. Go Team Flute! Then I have the rest of the flute fair to enjoy myself!

The thing that has hindered my playing the most in the past is my nerves. I always prepare for things SO WELL, and then come time for a recital or an audition, my nerves kick in and ruin everything. This doesn't always happen, but it seems like it has been a running theme for me since I've been here. It's almost like the more I want something, the more nervous I get.

I thought nerves were an inevidable fact of life until about a week ago, when I decided that I wanted to do something about them. With a lot of help from my teacher, I'm starting to turn my fear into excitement. Turn the negative into a positive. And it's changing my whole life, really. If you can just see things from a different perspective, a more positive perspective, it's really mind-opening. I feel so free!

I was going to write something about my disgust at the idea of war, but I'm in too much of a good mood right now.

Life doesn't get any better, really.
Well, okay, yeah it does. But not much better.

Monday, January 23, 2006

So, I'm trying this new thing where I don't waste time.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Life is very good.

I have been blessed with happiness. Why so happy, you ask? I'm alive, God loves me, and he has given me the ability to carry out His will. That's enough for me.

Question: If someone says to live life to the fullest, do they mean that you should take the stairs instead of the elevator all the time? Consider that a time may come when you will no longer be able to climb the stairs.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Life is good. I have nothing else to say.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Dunnigan quites:
"That was Mr. B flat, not Mr. B natural."

"See me at my office after class, and I'll give you a free ticket to the woodshed!"

----------------------------

I really, really don't like doing music theory with other people.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Charles Dickens invented a character who believes that everything that happens affects her more than other people.

"I know what I am," she says. "I know that I am a lone lorn creetur', and not only that everythink goes contrairy with me, but I go contrairy with everybody. Yes, yes, I feel more than other people do, and I show it more. It's my misfortun'."

I think that all of us, at some point in time, think this way. Something happens, and it's okay if that happens to you....it will not affect you like it affects me! I feel more than other people do!
But, in reality, I'm pretty sure we all feel the same things. We may express things differently, but we all feel...we are all in the same boat...everybody has at some point something extremely difficult to deal with in life. So if you ever see someone who seems to glide through life with no troubles whatsoever, look again. You are decieving yourself, or that person is decieving you.

Life can be, and is, very difficult. There's no way around it.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

BLOGGERRRRRRRREEEEERRRRR


Yeah.

Soooooo....my roomate has a boyfriend now. I'm not sure if that's good or not. I'm thinking no, but we'll just have to wait and see.

In case anyone is interested (haha!), I'm in a ww quintet for chamber music. yEuh.

Ummmm....I really need to practice.

My music theory homework took me three hours to do last night. Of course, I had 5 days to do it, and I waited until 10:00 the night before, so I can see that I kinda deserved it.

Karl Heinz-Schutz, the principle flutist of the Vienna Phil (AND a former student of my teacher) is coming next week to give a concert and a couple of masterclasses. And guess who gets to play for him in a masterclass FOR FREE? Oh yes, that would be me. AND it's the week of my competition. This is someone normal people would have to pay lots and lots and lots of money to play for. How sweet is that?

I sure have had a lot of random dreams lately. Mostly they haven't been bad dreams, but still....weird.
And you were there, and you, and you.

This post has been so boring. I'm so boring. Just stop reading my blogger, guys. You'll fall asleep.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

I'm such an idiot.

Monday, January 16, 2006


This is my life.
Ashley:
Stop being such a girl

Sunday, January 15, 2006

To everyone who actually read my quiz:
Don't be alarmed. I don't have a boyfriend.
It's been a while since I've done one of these, but my good friend Shannon inspired me. Plus they're fun to do. I don't actually expect anyone to read.

Your full name: Ashley "shut up" Stale
Age: shut up
Height: 5'1''
Natural hair colour: gold
Eye colour: green. And also gold.

DO YOU
Play an instrument?: yes
Watch TV more than 60 hours a week?: no
Like to sing?: yes
Have a job?: yes
Have a cell phone?: yes
Like to play sports?: not usually, only because I am so bad at them
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: yes
Have a crush on someone?: i suppose
Live somewhere NOT in the united states?: no
Have more than 5 TVs in your house?: yes
Have any special talents/skills?: ummm....I can open plastic drinking bottles pretty well
Exercise daily? if you count walking to the music building
Like school?: now I do

CAN YOU
Sing the alphabet backwards?: not sing
Stand on your tip toes without wearing shoes?: yeah
Speak any other languages?: a few words of french
Go a day without food?: no. well, I probably could, but it wouldn't be pretty
Stay up for more than 24 hours?: no prob
Read music, not just tabs?: music yes tabs no
Roll your tongue?: ):
Eat a whole pizza?: if it was really, really, really little

HAVE YOU EVER
Snuck out of the house?: no
Cried to get out of trouble?: no, but that concept fascinates me
Gotten lost in your city?: no
Seen a shooting star?: yes
Been to any other countries besides the united states?: canada and the bahamas
Had a serious surgery?: yes
Stolen something important to someone else?: I think I stole craig's metrenome once. And some halloween candy (but he used to steal mine too, and more)
Solved a rubiks cube? no, I can only get one side
Gone out in public in your pajamas?: yes, sectional breakfast lol
Cried over a girl?: no
Cried over a boy?: no
Kissed a random stranger?: no
Hugged a random stranger?: no
Been in a fist fight?: no
Been arrested?: no
Done drugs?: no
Had alcohol?: NO
Laughed and had milk come out of your nose?: no
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator?: no
Gone to school only to find you had the day off because of a holiday/etc?: no
Swore at your parents?: no
Been to warped tour?: i have no idea what that is, so probably not
Kicked a guy where it hurts?: no
Been in love?: I don't think so
Been close to love?: ...yes?
Been to a casino?: no
Ran over an animal and killed it?: poor snakey
Broken a bone?: no, but I've had spondylolithesis!
Gotten stitches?: yes, in my mouth
Had a waterballoon fight in winter?: no
Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour?: no lol
Made homemade muffins?: no
Bitten someone?: well, you know siblings...
Been to disneyland/disneyworld?: no. I mean yes.
More than 5 times?: waaaaaaaaaaaaay more
Been to niagra falls?: yEuh
Burped in someones face?: no
Gotten the chicken pox?: yes

WHENS THE LAST TIME YOU
Brushed your teeth: like 1:00 this afternoon
Went to the bathroom: maybe an hour ago
Saw a movie in theaters: why, last night!
Read a book: why, today!
Had a snow day: hmmm....12 years ago?
Had a party: a little before Christmas
Had a slumber party: wow....a long time ago
Made fun of someone: knowing me, probably not too long ago
Tripped in front of someone: lol sometime important, most likely
Went to the grocery store: like a week or so ago
Got sick: ::shrugs::
Cursed: "I curse you!" now

PICK ONE
Fruit/vegetables: veggies, but not weird ones
Black/white: lets not be racist here
Lights on/lights off: I dont get itttttt
TV/movie: movie
Car/truck: car
Body spray/lotion: lotion
Cash/check: cash
Pillows/blankets: blankets
Headache/stomach ache: stomach
Paint/charcoal: paint colors!
Chinese food/mexican food: chinese
Summer/winter: summer, maybe?
Snow/rain: snow minus cold
Fog/misty: fog because you don't get wet
Rock/rap: rock
Meat/vegetarian: meat
Boy/girl: birl
Chocolate/vanilla: choconilla (haha that sounds funny)
Sprinkles/icing: sprinkles!
Cake/pie: cake
French toast/french fries: toast
Strawberries/blueberries: berries
Ocean/swimming pool: wave pool
Hugs/kisses: hugs (hersheys)
Cookies/muffins: muffins if they are good
p33n/bewbz: I'm not going to try to figure this out
Wallet/pocket: no
Window/door: shut up
Emo/goth: I honestly don't know the difference
Pink/purple: pink...and purple
Cat/dog: cat
Long sleeve/short sleeve: short
Pants/shorts: pants
Winter break/spring break: i don't know. I have to work either way.
Spring/autumn: autumn
Clouds/clear sky: clear
Moon/mars: shut up

FRIENDSHIP
How many friends do you have?: two
What are their names?: sharko and finn
Do you have a best friend?: I don't know
Have you ever liked one of your friends?: i like them all
Do you have more guy friends or more girl friends?: girl
Have you ever lost a friend?: yes
Have you ever gone to an amusement park with a friend?: yes
Whats an inside joke between you and a friend?: SIDEBURNS
Have you ever gotten in a big argument with a friend?: not a big one
Whats the nicest thing youve ever done for a friend?: tell them to shut up
Whats the nicest thing a friend has ever done for you?: given me a million dollars
Do you miss any of your old friends?: i spose
What friend have you known the longest?: not counting craig, prolly alyssa
Do you regret anything youve done to a friend?: most likely, but I'm too lazy to think right now
If so, what is it?: shut up
How often do you spend time with your friends?: 1 minute per day
Do any of your friends drive?: no
Has a friend of yours ever died?: no
Whats the dumbest thing youve done with a friend?: ummm...well there was this one time at cannon when rebecca and I were trying to figure out if you could see our light from the practice rooms, so I ran down to someone's practice room while she was flashing the light and then I called her. I could see it, by the way.
What do you think your friends think of you?: they might think I'm selfish and concieted, because I am

LOVE AND ALL THAT CRAP
Have you ever been in love?:
If you have, with who?:
Are you single?:
Are you in a relationship?:
If so, for how long?:
Do you believe there is someone for everyone?:
What is your idea of the best date?:
What was your first kiss like?:
How old were you when you got your first kiss?:
Do you think love is a load of shit?:
Whats the best experiance youve ever had with the opposite sex?:
If you are single, have you had any boyfriends/girlfriends before?:
Have you ever been dumped?:
Have you ever dumped someone?:
Whats the most sexual thing youve done with the opposite sex?:


I....
am: really cool
want: you to shut up
need: somebody to love
crave: compliments
love: you?
hate: yelling
did: not
feel: like a looooser (not really)
miss: the good ol days
am annoyed by: other people getting annoyed
would rather: be practicing
am tired of: everyone looking down upon my religion
will always: stay true

SILLY STUFF
What is your favourite genre of music?: stupid synthesized 80's songs and classical and irish
What time is it now?: time for you to shut up!
What day is it?: the day before martin luther king day
Whens the last time you called someone?: a couple hours ago
How much money do you have right now?: too much for my own good
Are you hungry?: no
Whatcha doin?: typing on the computer
Do you like parades?: to watch them is okay, but I dont like being in them
Do you like the moon?: its allright
What are you going to do when youre done with this?: homework, I hope, or maybe practice. most likely read though. david copperfield won't leave me alone.
Isnt cup a funny word when you repeat it over and over?: its a funny word when you don't repeat it over and over
If you could have any magical power what would it be?: flying power
Have you ever had a picnic?: yeah
Did you ever have one of those skip-its when you were young?: no. I tried one once and it kept falling off.
What about sock em boppers?: no
Are you wearing any socks right now?: no

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE
funny?: only when watching craig play resident evil
pretty?: pretty stupid!
sarcastic?: see above
lazy?: not usually, but right now yes
hyper?: with a high sugar or caffene intake. or with jolt gum.
friendly?: ohhh... I guess so
evil?: extremely
smart?: not so much
strong?: strongest of the strong
talented?: no, not really (seriously)
dorky?: ohhhh yes

Saturday, January 14, 2006

One of those moments just hit me....those moments when you miss someone so much that you want to scream...
AAAAAAAAAHHHH
My back has been hurting again lately, much the same as it did before my back surgery. I think my anxiety about this has been popping up in my dreams, which have been set in a gym in Melbourne more often than not recently.

Sometimes when I'm trying to fall asleep, my mind wanders back to Harbor City Gymnastics and recreates the sensation of doing a backhandspring or an ariel or a giant...or anything. I go through my routines (I still mix up the level 5 and 6 routines, except for bars). I try to remember what conditioning was like at the end of an exhausting practice, or even what we did for conditioning. I try to remember my coaches.

When I think about these things, my mind always eventually ends up at the bars, trying to let go for a flyaway. But even in my mind, I am still afraid to let go. The fear is still there.
I still can't let go, even after all these years.

Friday, January 13, 2006

And just so nobody calls me out on what I said, I have thought of three other times when I have played second flute:
9th grade all county band
9th grade all state band
11th grade all county orch
The four 6/4 brothers liked to go fishing together out at the ol' chord river.

The first brother, Cadential 6/4, could be called the dominant fisherman of the group. Oddly enough, he always caught two bass; if he didn't problems always arose. He also always started out with a strong beat.

The second brother, Neighboring 6/4, fished just for fun; he liked to prolong the experience. He might dominate fishing on any given day, or he might not, but whatever luck he started out with, he kept throughout the whole day. His favorite type of fish to catch was bass.

The third brother, Passing 6/4, didn't really like fishing that much; he preferred to pass the bass line around and chat with the others to help them connect with each other better. He usually made the fishing trips longer, but none of the other brothers really cared a whole lot.

The fourth brother, Arpeggiating 6/4, was known as the black sheep of the 6/4 brothers. On the trips, instead of fishing, he walked from member to member of the chord river fishing club. This never came as a suprise to the three other brothers; they saw as they were growing up that Arpeggiating 6/4 was always more free and seemed to have less rules put on him than any of the others.

In the end, the brothers enjoyed their trip and caught lots of bass notes. The end.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Frank Martin's Ballade is my favorite flute solo I have ever played.

------------------------------------------

So I was practicing in my room sometime over winter break, and suddenly I feel something fall onto my head. It's not everyday that you're inside a house and something falls on your head, so I shook my head quickly to see what it was. Whatever is was landed on my shoulder. I looked over at it, and then started madly dancing around the room to get it off. It was a cockroach! A cockroach fell on my head! But that's not the end of the story.

So after I freaked out and got it off my shoulder, I couldn't find it on the ground. I started looking for it in the nooks in crannies of my room, and, without paying attention to where I was stepping, I stepped on it! With my bare feet! I didn't squish it or anything, but I did let out the most terror-filled, high-pitched, unintentional scream of my life while wildly scrambling onto my bed. I even suprised myself--I didn't think I was capable of a scream like that.

So, as my door was open and my parents were in the living room watching football, I expected them to come running to see what was the matter. I waited for a second. Nothing. They didn't even yell "are you okay?"
Was it possible that they were so engaged in football that they didn't even hear their daughter scream? Apparently so, because they never reacted.

I finally gathered up enough courage to peek under my bed where the cockroach was hiding (I, of course, wouldn't leave the safety of my bed), and then I yelled out like a typical girl, "Daaaadddd...." He didn't answer, so I yelled louder, "DAAAAAAAD...."

Finally he answered kind of annoyed, "What?"
"There's a big cockroach in my room..."
"So kill it."
"Nooooooo...."
Finally, my mom chimes in. "Go kill the cockroach for her. We can pause the game." So my dad tromps in, chases the cockroach around my room, and hits it with a newspaper it while I look on.

I moved my practice location to the spare room after that. I didn't want any more cockroaches falling on my head.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

So, my predictions were pretty much correct: I made the same chair in symphonic band as last semester (except there is one less flute this semester, so now I'm playing second [boo]), and I made a second flute spot in philharmonia. So I achieved one of my goals.

I'm a little put out at the choices for piccolo: I know that if I had a better piccolo audition, I could've made it in something. But that's the way it goes.

I think these results are going to be very good for me and my playing. I am playing second flute in two ensmbles, which will give me some good experience playing second. Come to think of it, the only time in my life I have ever played second flute is for one semester in BSYO and one month at Interlochen. All my other orchestra and band experience has been on first flute or piccolo, so it becomes clear to me now that I really need second flute experience.

For some reason, I'm really happy that Andrea made my band. I like that girl.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Since I know you are all DYING to know how my audition went, here are the details:
My prepared piece went pretty well, except that I had a few false starts where my first note didn't speak. Other than that, it was pretty good.

My first except, Bach's St. Matthews Passion, went moderately well, but it's supposed to be very soft and the dynamic, mixed with my nervousness, hindered my tone.

The second except was not very good. This was the Rosenkavalier excerpt, and it was supposed to show off my technique. Unfortunately, I rushed the whole thing and it just came out sounding like a mess.

After that except, they got confused and then told me that they had asked me to play the wrong thing. So, to replace the Bach, they asked me to play the solo from Ravel's Daphnis and Chloe. This went really well; near the end, I peeked at the auditioners, and they were giving each other The Look. You know, the look that auditioners give each other when someone is sounding really good. The Look is hard to describe--I think it's a raised eyebrow, lower jaw dropped, semi-suprised eye look.

After that, I played my piccolo except, the bane of my existance, the piccolo solo from the third movement of Tchaikovsky's fourth symphony. It was just plain bad. Bad. Bad. I don't think it really could've sounded any worse.

So, in closing, I predict a good chance of getting a spot in orchestra, a good chance of moving up in chairs in band, and no chance of playing piccolo anywhere.

Monday, January 09, 2006

So lessons were scheduled today starting with the grad students, moving to seniors, juniors, sophomores, and then freshman. So guess what. MY LESSON WAS THE VERY LAST ONE SCHEDULED. THERE WAS ONLY ONE TIME SLOT LEFT. And guess what time it is.
It is 8:00 Thursday morning.
(I'm pretty sure I got owned.)

This is very bad for a couple of good reasons:
1) I can't play well when I've just woken up! My TA lesson last semester was at 9:30, and I never played well! Never! This means less efficient lessons and less improvement! Even if I do play well, I will not be as alert, leading to less learning. Bad. Very bad.
2) I will have to go to sleep early and wake up early! Nobody likes to do this, and I'm no exception! This ties into number 3:
3) Lost is the night before. It ends at 10:00. This means, Craig and Rebecca, that I will have to leave right after the show ends. And if I don't, I will lose sleep and not have a good lesson!
4) My Thursday is quite hectic already:
9:05-9:55 piano
11:00-12:15 world music cultures
12:20-1:10 SS/ET
1:25-2:15 POSSIBLY chamber music
2:30-3:45 symphonic band
4:10-6:10 philharmonia (that I WILL be in)
6:45-8:00 flute choir

SIDENOTE
For all you losers who say that Lost is just a tv show, I agree, it is just a tv show. If it was just a tv show that I would miss by not watching, I would be fine to miss it. It is what happens during Lost that I refuse to give up.

CRAP. These lessons are so important to me! I am very very sad right now.

I feel like I just agreed to a death sentence.
Soooo...college has started once again.

I WILL be in orchestra this semester. Nobody can stop me. And if they do, I will sneak in with my piccolo.

When I worked over break, I listened to NPR for five hours straight every day. And it REALLY made me miss being in an orchestra.

My audition goals are:
1) Make a spot in orchestra
2) Play piccolo in either band or orchestra
(Don't tell anyone, but I really only want to be in orchestra so I can miss a little bit of studio class every week.)

The audition is tomorrow. Wish me luck...may the best flute players win the spots!




Gosh darn it. I miss the "cool people" from home already.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

I forgot my locker combination.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Intercollegiate band was great! I made first chair, so I got to play piccolo. Yay! Dr. Croft was, of course, amazing. In the words of Mr. Matthews, "He's a legend, man." Our music was wonderful, especially this Frank Tichelli piece dedicated to Dr. Croft. We also played a transcribed Widor organ piece that was extremely hard and nobody could play. So that was fun.

It was interesting and not particularly pleasant to be around normal FSU music students. I was the only person from FSU in the intercollegiate band who was not in Chiefs, and it really showed. Well, either that or I was the only one not old enough to drink. But man.

Well, I just got home and I'm really tired, and I have five hours of driving ahead of me tomorrow, so goodbye for now.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

I'm out to play in a really good band conducted by Dr. Croft!
See you guys later!

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

dizzy
cockroach
fashion

Monday, January 02, 2006

I am so, so, extremely glad that there is something in my life that will never fail me, that I can rely on at all costs, that is my rock. Something that will bring me joy in the darkest of hours, something that will drive all the choices I make, something that will forgive all my mistakes, no matter how bad they are. Something that gives life a meaning, gives hope for the future, gives insight into the past. Something that promises that no matter what happens, it is for the best. No worries, never! Even if things aren't okay, it's okay! Because I can trust that God will never leave me.

I wish that God was a part of everybody's life.
Humph.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Dear Ashley,
Please stop writing posts that are stupid and make no sense. I have no idea what you're talking about half the time. I just want to be entertained.
Love,
You blog readers

Dear blog readers,
No. Quit whining.
Love,
Ashley
We all know that in all aspects of my life, I only accept the best.
Mediocrity is not an option.
I hung out with some people who I haven't hung out with for a very long time. It was wonderful.

I had to be rude to a guy. I think I'm finally learning to say "no," a very powerful word to womankind.
I don't want to do this. I really don't want to do this. Curses.