I need to practice more.

Oh and also, I have a lot of things to be excited about!

Also...AZ fail. I'm not a resident, I had nothing to do with it.

People that build their houses inland,
People that should buy a plot of ground
Shaped like a house, and build a house there,
Far from the sea-board, far from the sound

Of water sucking the hollow ledges,
Tons of water striking the shore,--
What do they long for, as I long for
One salt smell of the sea once more?

People the waves have not awakened,
Spanking the boats at the harbour's head,
What do they long for, as I long for,--
Starting up in my inland bed,

Beating the narrow walls, and finding
Neither a window nor a door,
Screaming to God for death by drowning,--
One salt taste of the sea once more?

--Edna St. Vincent Millay

Oh, and in case you were wondering, 3BK made it to semifinals but got beaten by the team that took it all, I'm with Coco. The day was really fun, but it sure was a tough loss.

(Also, I made it into the photo gallery!)

Tough PHX-ation practice tonight. I keep doing stupid things, and the scrimmage was very very tiring. But these practices are like the Tchaik 4 piccolo solo. You work and you work and it's frustrating because you don't think you're getting better, but in the end you are able to do things that you couldn't do before, so something must have worked somewhere along the line.

My room is a mess, I owe a lot of people money, and I have a lot of end-of-the-year work to do, but I am sitting here with some cookies and cream ice cream and right now, life is good.

Today is VOTS finals and 3BK is going to ROCK IT! We already beat our first pool play opponent (FIGJAM) on Wed. Today to round out pool play, we take on SupercalaHuckalicious-withD-alaPoaches first, then Your Dad (gotta love ultimate team names).
If we win those games, we move to semifinals against the winner of the B Pool, who I predict will be I'm with Coco (though Gray Wolf Pack may make have a surprise win). If we beat them, we move to finals against the winner of the other semifinals game, which I'm fairly certain will be Los Tigres del Norte. If we beat them, we are 2010 Spring League CHAMPIONS! And also some very exhausted people.

But I don't want to get ahead of myself. One game at a time, we need to make it to semis first.

It's my first VOTS finals ever because I had H1N1 last season and had to MISS the only day that counts for anything (though my team made it to semis! without me).

SO EXCITING!!!

Also...KITTENS!!!!!

I was in such a good mood today. And then, once again, just like last time, a phone call from the same person ruined my day.

qiuoepruoeifvdjasngfkajkfajdkfvnjda kvahiuhfwaiufrhweiuhufiwe

first it's playing and now it's teaching. this field is so frustrating sometimes. and by sometimes, I mean nearly all the time.

The more I think about it, the more the conspiracy theory sounds WHACK! The whole thing is just ridiculous if you think about it. I don't know if pro-cholera just has better advocates, but they definitely get my vote.

(If you don't have any idea what I'm talking about, just assume I'm talking to myself. Which I am.)

UH OH! These are the times I should not write in my blog. 3BK won big tonight, the best game EVEEERRRRRRR WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

and then somet things oh I cannot type

yes I got a ride home

Our latest assignment in my history class is to investigate the controversy of Tchaikovsky's death. It has ever been a question: did he die of cholera, or did he die by suicide, taking a poison that would induce cholera-like symptoms because of a grand conspiracy involving his homosexuality?

We have been given a number of articles to read which cite the evidence for each side, and I have to say, this reading has been enlightening and VERY entertaining, especially as far as scholarly reading goes! Each article slings a little bit more mud (one of them ends with "in contrast to Brown--I have never resorted to expressions such as "disgraceful" or "poppycock," which are extremely out of place in a sober intellectual discussion." I'm just eating this stuff up.). It's a virtual marriage battle with Tchaikovsky as the child stuck in the middle.

SCHOLAR WARZZZZZZ!!!

(It is one of my gifts to find the humor in every situation, but it's not difficult to find the humor here. To have two grown men, learned scholars basically writing, "nuh UH!", "yeah HUH!" to each other is inherently comical. Enjoy.)

For a couple of minutes today, I was the coolest cat around.

While choosing an outfit this morning:
Brain: "Hmmmm...what will make me look cooler than bein' cool?"

(frozen!)

Ever heard of the laws of undulation?:

(From C.S. Lewis' Screwtape Letters, a series of fanciful letters from a devil to his nephew, a devil-in-training, or something like that)

MY DEAR WORMWOOD,

So you “have great hopes that the patient’s religious phase is dying away”, have you?...Has no one ever told you about the law of Undulation?

Humans are amphibians—half spirit and half animal...As spirits they belong to the eternal world, but as animals they inhabit time. This means that while their spirit can be directed to an eternal object, their bodies, passions, and imaginations are in continual change, for to be in time means to change. Their nearest approach to constancy, therefore, is undulation—the repeated return to a level from which they repeatedly fall back, a series of troughs and peaks. If you had watched your patient carefully you would have seen this undulation in every department of his life—his interest in his work, his affection for his friends, his physical appetites, all go up and down. As long as he lives on earth periods of emotional and bodily richness and liveliness will alternate with periods of numbness and poverty. The dryness and dullness through which your patient is now going are not, as you fondly suppose, your workmanship; they are merely a natural phenomenon which will do us no good unless you make a good use of it.

I find that my "undulation" schedule coincides exactly with my period schedule, and that I rely on God more in the troughs. Does that happen with any other girls out there?

Today is the first day in many weeks in which I haven't been completely and utterly exhausted. Work 6 days, rest the seventh, puh...I worked 6 weeks and am SO resting on the seventh.

This is the time when it's wonderful to be in grad school, where most of your education is independent work. You decide how much you get out of it. And right now, I choose to rest instead of learn.

M: "That's a cute shirt! Where did you get it?"
A: "You gave it to me...for my birthday...three weeks ago."
M: "Oh...well that's why I think it looks cute!"

Recital happened. Wasn't what I was hoping/expecting, but let's be honest here--is it ever?

It got better as it went, as my recitals always do. I'm very nervous when I initially walk out on stage. I'm shaking--almost in a panic--through my entire first piece (usually a short piece), but it starts to die down on my second piece. I feel normal by the end of the first half, and my second half goes well. That's the formula for just about every recital I've ever given.

Unfortunately for me, the first impression is the most important. Also unfortunately for me, my first piece was memorized Zoom Tube. Yeeeeeah...

Anyway, I am happy with the way I played 2/3 of my program. Darn you, nerves!!! I can't say that there weren't any major mishaps, because there was one, but I got through it, and really it's fine. I have a chance to redeem myself anyway, I'm playing Zoom Tube at area this Wednesday.

Anyway, it's over, and now I'm on to other things. My parents were here this weekend, which was really awesome. We went hiking on South Mountain, which is swiftly becoming one of my favorite landmarks in Phoenix area because of its many possibilities for exploration. Then we hung out by the pool in the apartment, which sounds simple and boring, but it's something I've never done before here. Very relaxing, I will definitely start doing that more.

Brittney and I played volleyball with some really smart guys* at the beach volleyball court in our complex. I'm pretty terrible at volleyball. Pretty terrible. The whole time we were playing, I wanted to bust out a frisbee and start tossing around--something at which I am competent. Alas.

There are two and a half weeks of school left, then finals. I need to figure out what I am doing this summer...

This song reminds me of summer in general, but especially the summer of 2003. The freedom of having a car and a license but not a job...

*really not smart guys

Recital TODAY 5:00 PM Katzin Recital Hall in the music school at Arizona State University. In the words of me, "YAAAAAAAAAAAYY!!!!"

Please please please God, do not let me get sick now. Please.

Lots of people have been telling me lately that I look tired. It's true. I am very stressed. School duties and my recital are really taking a toll on me. While my recital is this weekend, it doesn't end there. I'll still have a paper and a final for my history class, a memory project for studio, and a flute book project for pedagogy, all due at various dates within the last three weeks of school.

As the song goes, sometimes I really do feel like I'm livin' on a prayer, just holding on for dear life and doing what I know I need to do. It's been difficult.

In other news, 3BK won our last regular season game tonight (WONDERFUL stress relief! I was singing and dancing withing minutes.). We ended the season with a 6-3 record and the third Wednesday night seed for the playoffs (a little misleading, because we BEAT the first seed. Alas.). I've loved every minute of playing with this team--it has great spirit, good coaching, and wonderful players. I've learned too, getting little tidbits of advice here and there. AND they appreciate my speed (which is pretty much all I've got going for me in terms of ultimate). Nobody gets mad at me when I do something stupid. It's nice.

I really believe we can win finals, too. One of losses came when our entire team was savage, and another came when we were missing 3 out of our 4 best players. The only game we legit lost was against Los Tigres, the no. 1 Monday seed--and even that game was close the entire time. We even took half, if I remember correctly. So watch out, VOTS--3BK is coming!!

I am so shook up right now. I almost got hit by a car turning right into a driveway I was crossing. I always check behind me before crossing streets to see if a car is coming up to turn, but this car neither slowed down nor had its turn signal on. How was I supposed to know??

I slammed on my brakes, and my bike was about 6 inches away from hitting this car as it turned in front of me. Afterward I just stood there, shocked. The car stopped as the passenger told the driver that she almost just hit someone. She looked back to make sure I was okay. Luckily I was.

Vampire Weekend is in town the same day as my dress rehearsal. Derp. I feel burnt or dead.

So. The tournament. We played on the beach. It wasn't really on a real beach, it was more of a bay (standing water, not waves). But it had sand and sun and water, so it was still awesome. I started out playing very badly because it took me a while to adjust to 1) having four people on the field at a time and 2) having a much shorter field than usual. I'm not going to go into why this transition was hard for me, just suffice it to say that it took a while. I was playing much better by the end, though I hate to have to admit--we didn't win a single game!!! Ah well.

I had severe PMS the first day and got my period the second day (which was somewhat ironic, because there was this bizarre joke going around that I was pregnant. I don't know. Sometimes you don't ask.) Anyway, because of these things, I had probably a less-good time than I could have. I was in a pretty sour mood most of the time, with my teammates tossing all kinds of unsolicited "advice" my way--this became extremely irritating before long. I know they were just trying to help, but honestly...just stop it. Being on the worst team at a San Diego beach tournament is not the time.

It's unfortunate, really--most of you reading this know that I'm actually a very fun person, one of the most generally happy people of all time--but I was just not having it at this tournament. I shouldn't let mood swings conquer me like that--I am stronger than what life gives me--but in a way, there's nothing you can do about it.
Except have the odd drink. Which I did.

I was hands down the most conservative player there from the Phoenix teams--I played with my shirt inside out because I felt our team logo was too vulgar/graphic--and at times I felt kind of like a lame killjoy prude. But you know what? I have certain values and I would like to retain them, and if that means that people think I'm lame, then I'm okay with that. At some point, some of us were having a discussion and somebody said, "I think that people in general need to respect themselves more." I agree.

My favorite part of the tournament was definitely dancing at the Saturday party. I love dancing. Just moving to music. People around you moving to music. Laughing and just partying it up. Ain't nothin' wrong with that.

So all in all...there were good times, there were bad times, I played a ton of ultimate, saw some people at their craziest, learned some things I maybe didn't particularly want to learn...it was a typical tournament.

Braaaaaains!!!

Just got back from San Diego. Man, these are educational trips. Will tell later. Maybe.

San Diego, here I come!

There are just not enough hours in the day...

Last night at league my huck name was "recital 1," haha. Got the point, too. I enjoyed it.

Also, my neighbor told me that he enjoys when Brittney and I practice at home. He just sits and listens to it. Finally someone gets it!

Tomorrow I'm leaving for San Diego for the weekend. Yes, you heard right--San Diego for the weekend. Where I'll be playing an ultimate tournament on the beach. Yes, you heard me right. On the beach. In San Diego. All weekend.

If you're not jealous, there's probably something wrong with you.

Today we were took a very important test in my St. Petersburg (Russian music history) class. In the middle of the test, the fire alarm went off. It was so loud and sudden that I think we all jumped about half a foot out of our seats. We had to evacuate and stand outside for 20 minutes, and we didn't get to finish our tests. Now we have to finish them on Friday, and our teacher took our word that we won't look up the answers in the meantime.

It's a moral dilemma now. Sigh. I'm not a dishonest person, but it's so tempting to just look...

And my poor teacher! He's one of my favorite college teachers, so kind, and he looked so distraught when the alarm went off. I mean, if this creates a bad situation for the students, it creates a much worse situation for the teacher. Gotta love the guy.

I'm tired and I need a break.

/WHINE

Also, while driving home, I planned to eat a banana as a bedtime snack when I arrived. What I actually ended up eating when I got home was a Reese's bunny and a Cadbury egg. Why, life, why?

My life is really busy right now. But that's when I'm the most productive! (It's the gas law.)

Talked with Beth today. God bless that girl, she is truly a wonderful human being. So authentic, so joyful--a beacon of shining light bearing down upon the darkness of the world.

For Easter, I went with my roommate to her uncle's place in Goodyear, about 30 miles west of Phoenix (I figured if I can't be with my family, might as well be with somebody else's family, right?). Anyway, right when we had about finished eating, we were all sitting at the table, and I suddenly have what I at first think is a bout of vertigo. It didn't make sense, because I was sitting down. The feeling gets stronger. I look around at everybody there and we all have confused looks on our faces. The hanging lights start swaying back and forth. What's going on?

Finally somebody asks, "do you feel that?" Yup, we all feel it. "Are we in an earthquake right now??"

Yes, we were in an earthquake. A 7.2 magnitude earthquake hit the Baja California, Mexico, and we in AZ felt either the initial quake or one of the aftershocks.

It probably lasted no longer than 15 seconds, but we definitely all felt it. We all rushed outside to see if anything looked different. Nothing. No damage. We start calling our friends and relatives to brag that we just experienced an earthquake and to find out what exactly just happened. CNN started covering the story a couple minutes after we tuned in.

Crazy stuff. You never know what life is going to bring. I sure won't forget this Easter Sunday.

HAPPY EASTER! Remember--we CELEBRATE, for Jesus has risen!

Have fun, explode your peeps, but don't forget what it's all for! :)

(I look out the window and the palm trees are blowing in the breeze):

Brain: It looks balmy out there today!
Me: Are you just saying that because "balm" rhymes with "palm?"
Brain: Probably...
Me: Do you even know what "balmy" means?
Brain: Not really...

[Balmy:
1. Having the qualities of a balm: soothing, mild
2. Crazy, foolish]

I was with a group of peers tonight, and at one point I said "QQ." They all just looked at me with blank stares. Apparently Steven's language is not standard in Arizona.