SO SORE

It was a terrible drive back to Talla-Nasty.
(Let's see how long two weeks can be.)

For some reason, I have been punching people lately.

Surprise! I'm just as wholesome as everybody thinks I am. Kinda like...a bowl of cheerios.
Ain't nothin wrong with that.

The end.

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ULTIMATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got ALL of my holiday shopping done today except for my mom and the two people whose gifts I am buying on Amazon. BOOYAH.

I am so excited to see the summer gang reunited tonight!!!

(btw, I am still furious about my ticket. That cop is going DOWN in court.)

I am SO excited to be home. I, for one, am thankful to be able to come home to find love and friendship waiting for me. I love this life. I love it!

Here is a strange one I found:

"What Savage Blossom"
Edna St. Vincent Millay

Do I not know what savage blossom only under the pitting hail
Of your inclement climate could have prospered? Here lie
Green leaves to wade in, and of the many roads not one road leading outward from this place
But is blocked by boughs that will hiss and simmer--green autumn, lady, green autumn on this land!

Do I not know what inward pressure only could inflate its petals to withstand
(No, no, not hate, not hate) the onslaught of a little time with you?

No, no, not love, not love. Call it by its name,
Now that it's over, now that it's gone and cannot hear us.

It was an honest thing. Not noble. Yet no shame.

You know, that makes three times pulled over and three tickets for me. What am I doing wrong?...(besides violating traffic rules).

I act too much like a guy when I get pulled over. Like, this is no big deal, I'm cool. You don't intimidate me. I need to learn how to go hysterical when I get pulled over. Get the pity vote. Anyone want to teach me how to cry on demand?

(Seriously...it's a skill I'd like to have.)

You're going to give me a ticket for turning right on red?...really? Okay then. I will go to court with you.

I will wait a day and decide tomorrow (when I am no longer steaming).

I am a safe driver, okay? Listen to this: just in my apartment alone this year, we've had a car broken into, a fire pit stolen, and (most of) a bike stolen. So please, PD, stop paying attention to the nugatory little driving infractions that I make and start cleaning up Tallahassee.

Geeze. Right on red...grumble grumble

The USO trip was AWESOME!!!

Since I don't feel like writing a novel (and nobody reads my long stories anyway [but I could write a novel because there was that much action to report]), here is the short version:

It was cold.
We played very well.
Everybody got drunk on the bus ride back.

I like playing in USO a whole lot. Not just a little, but a whole lot.

I'm hungry...my toaster strudel doesn't stand a chance.

This weekend is going to be the best. Quality quintet time, a trip to Panama City with USO to play Pictures, and the much-awaited Twilight movie. And after that I'm looking forward to almost an entire week off of school, a week of normal classes, a musical during finals and then a glorious winter break with a week off of flute (it's COA--clean oil adjust--season) and NO WORK!! Partay like it's 2004.

My semester has been incredibly easy. I'll admit it. I've had no papers to write, no projects, very few tests, and very little homework. Things got a little hairy schedule-wise around my senior recital, but it was never STRESSFUL. I've gotten to enjoy a good four hours in the practice rooms every day--that doesn't mean that I practice flute four hours a day, of course. (I wish it did.) I'm taking piano and that takes a lot of time to practice, Baroque flute too. And I practice my aural skills things while I'm there. But still, it's really great having all this free time to just relax.
I don't really feel guilty not having any work, either, because, as I keep telling people, "I've paid my dues." I've worked very hard you know, and taken 17 hours almost every semester up until now, and I think I deserve an easy senior year. Well don't I?

sigh
Can't sleep again.
I should have stretched before ultimate yesterday, I'm feelin it right now.

My ultimate class is so great. I am going to be sad when it is over. It's satisfying to get get out of the music school and just do something because I really like it. In a way, I think the people in that class see my true colors more than my musician friends. In that class, I am Ashley the person, not Ashley the musician. I am able to let loose and just have a good time.

La catédrale engloutie, a prelude by Debussy.

It has so much power over me that it is one of those pieces that, even though I love it, I don't listen to very often. I reserve it for use only when I really need it because I fear that if I listen to it too often then the magic might wear off.

This is the piece that I turn to when it seems like nothing, nothing in the world can make me feel better. And it always works...

Joaquin Rodrigo
Piano Concerto
mvt. III--Largo

Nothing cries quite like this.

FOURTH PLACE

I am not free from self-pity.
(Come cheer me up).

For no reason, a list of my top 10 favorite composers with commentary:

1) Aaron Copland--all American. Like me.
2) Joaquin Rodrigo--Spanish, not incredibly well-known, blind, writes kickin' music.
3) Sergei Prokofiev--Russian, ballet scores to die for. Very inspirational.
4) Alexander Borodin--russian chemist. composed as a hobby, it worked well for him.
5) Claude Debussy--we all know French impressionist Debussy. His music melts me.
6) Ludwig van Beethoven--the man.
7) Johannes Brahms--why so serious? haha--I love the depth of his music.
8) Ralph Vaughan Williams--English countryside. Calm, serene, peace.
9) Maurice Ravel--another beauty.
10) Igor Stravinsky--his versatility amazes me. Such an able composer.

Honorable mentions:
Gershwin, Rimsky-Korsakov, Bernstein, John Adams, Steve Reich, Dvorak

I've walked by the lake several times since the incident, and there has been no sign of beavers, past or present.

I'm starting to think that I imagined the whole thing. (But I didn't!)

Sometimes when you try to remember an encounter, you will have proof that it really happened. Like this one time, I had a very significant emotional experience, one that I would not believe the next day unless I had the mosquito bites that I remember getting at the time. The mosquito bites were proof that it really happened.

But some memories have no proof. They only live inside your mind, and if you don't tell anybody that it happened, and if you don't act differently afterwards, it's like it never happened.

You can almost convince yourself that it was all a dream...almost.

This probably isn't going to be very shocking to you, but it was to me.

It stormed all night and all morning. Thunderstorms. It was only lightly raining when I started walking to school, about 10:00. I pass a lake on the way, we call it Bum Lake. Today, Bum Lake was very badly flooded. It was higher than I have ever seen it.

There was also a lot of life there today. Running water?? How does that even work? At the edge of the water were two creatures. At first I thought they were dogs because of their size. But then I looked closer...no, they weren't dogs, but...what were they? Then I saw the tails...they were BEAVERS!!!

Have you ever seen a beaver? I bet you haven't. If you did, you would remember it. I had thought that beavers were about the size of raccoons, maybe a little smaller. But I learned today that beavers are GIGANTIC. The size of medium-sized dogs. And their slick tails...it's magnificent, really. There's nothing like it.

Anyway, there were two of them hanging out at the edge of the water and one or two more in the water swimming. I couldn't believe it. This is a lake in the middle of a city, a block away from a University. And there are WILD BEAVERS here? It's one of those things that you almost can't believe that you saw. Like, did that really happen? REALLY???

The two at the edge of the water jumped in before I could take a picture, and I was running late anyway...(seriously, I don't know how close I would want to get to those huge creatures.) I wish I could have taken a picture, because you probably don't believe me (or don't care).

It was shocking. And now, I simply cannot stop thinking about beavers.

"You could only whisper it. Anything more than a whisper and it would vanish, it was so fragile."

The important thing about dreams is not that you believe that they can come true, but that you believe they WILL come true.

11/12/08: They stole my back tire today. This is probably happening because my bike tires are clearly superior to all other bike tires. Who WOULDN'T want them?



It's been a little under 6 weeks since the front wheel. (Thanks for playing).

The good part is, now my bike (or what is left of it) is light enough for me to lift into my car without help, and I can get the tires replaced on my own.

Scar: "Oh goody."

(yeah, I just quoted The Lion King. WHAT.)

This semester, I have done probably about 70% of my practicing between the hours of 9 PM and 1 AM. Is that bad?

ugh...2 AM again. whatev.

About a year ago (last December), I got a haircut. My hair was cut pretty short. I liked it a lot.

A week later, I learned about Locks of Love. I decided on the spot that I wanted to grow my hair out to give it to the honorable charity. The problem is, I just got a really short haircut a week ago. Bad timing to the max.

I was psyched to be involved with a such a good effort, but I wanted to give my hair RIGHT THEN. I didn't want to have to wait. I knew that growing my hair out would take time. And it did. Growing your hair long isn't something that you can do overnight. I watched it all winter, all spring, and all summer, and it didn't seem to be gaining any length. It was frustrating. Darn it hair, just grow already!

But now, in the late fall, descending on winter...my hair is somehow longer, a lot longer, than it was a year ago. I don't know how it happened. I was watching every day for a change, and I never saw one, never. The progress snuck up on me. It was sneaky.

I think most changes come this way. You watch for a change, you hope for it, and you can't see it. You don't even know it is happening when it is happening. You are disappointed every day.

But then one day you wake up to find that change has occured. And you realize that just because you can't see a change doesn't mean it's not happening. You wake up to find that you feel better, or sound better, or are more mature, or love better, or that your hair has grown over a foot, or...whatever you have been struggling with, has changed for the better.

We all have our struggles, all of us, much more than we let on. And we know that change isn't easy, and it isn't fast, and it may take more than a year like my hair did, but if you keep on keeping on and stay away from getting a haircut, you will make progress in the end. Not just the small day-to-day progress, but REAL tangible progress.

Progress that you can be proud of.

Sometimes I really miss home.

Safe upon the solid rock the ugly houses stand
Come and see my shining palace built upon the sand!

Jose, Sara, Jessica, and Pierce...
congratulations!!!!

Mark: "I love gummi bears...if Ashley was made of gummi bears right now, I would be so happy."

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At home, and talking with my parents about how my mom just taught a lecture on teenage pregnancy:

Me: "So what would you guys do if I told you I was pregnant?"
Dad: "I would faint!"
Mom: "I don't know what I would do..."
Me: (short silence) "Mom...dad...I'm pregnant."
Mom (immediately): "No you're not."
Me: "So that would be your reaction...to not belive me."


(BTW: I'm not pregnant.)

Well, I WAS going to write a ranting post about how I thought I had beaten my nerves for good because I managed to keep them at bay for my recital, and then I just got all nervous today for the concerto competition, and nerves continually ruin my life, etc etc,
BUT...

I found out that I won the flute playoff. I don't understand...I heard the others, and they played better than me. Maybe they based the choice on potential rather than how we actually played. I don't know, but I am pretty sure that I caught a break this time, I got lucky for once, and that is not going to happen for the next round. I better get practicing (and training mentally for the onslaught of nerves that will inevidably accompany the semifinals).

One more thing...
Anthony Ritchie represent!

For those of you who couldn't make it to my recital for any reason (cough) but would still like to listen to the music, here is a great suprise! I have uploaded my entire recital (audio files) to a website where you can go and listen to all the Ashley you desire. What more could one want?

Am I the only person who finds it difficult to have opinions?

We divided teams in ultimate today based on who voted for McCain and who voted for Obama, and our teacher kept yelling out little catch phrases from each campaign throughout the match. For example, if Team McCain made a really suprising play for a point, "That was a very maverick-y type play."

Team McCain crushed Team Obama, 7-4. Overall it was pretty hilarious class.

Well, I'm pretty sure that MLK's dream has come true by now.

My partner in self-defense is always beatin' me up. Today we learned two new skills: one where you twist someone's arm until they are forced to kneel in front of you, and another where you throw each other on the ground.
My partner was better than me at both of them.

Wow...the Obama campaign is going all out today. I saw a plane flying through the air carrying a "Vote Obama" banner.

If you are a Norah Jones fan, you HAVE TO listen to My Dear Country today. IT IS A REQUIREMENT.

'Twas Halloween and the ghosts were out,
And everywhere they'd go, they shout,
And though I covered my eyes I knew,
They'd go away.

But fear's the only thing I saw,
And three days later 'twas clear to all,
That nothing is as scary as election day.

But the day after is darker,
And darker and darker it goes,
Who knows, maybe the plans will change,
Who knows, maybe he's not deranged.

The news men know what they know, but they,
Know even less than what they say,
And I don't know who I can trust,
For they come what may.

'cause we believed in our candidate,
But even more it's the one we hate,
I needed someone I could shake,
On election day.

But the day after is darker,
And deeper and deeper we go,
Who knows, maybe it's all a dream,
Who knows if I'll wake up and scream.

I love the things that you've given me,
I cherish you my dear country,
But sometimes I don't understand,
The way we play.

I love the things that you've given me,
And most of all that I am free,
To have a song that I can sing,
On election day.

Can't sleep.

I played the Ritchie concerto in a lesson for the first time today. The first thing that my teacher exclaimed after I played through the whole first movement was, "It's like this piece was written specifically for you!"

She thinks it fits my personality perfectly.
So do I.

Man, I am listening to the recording right now....Prokofiev is so the man. I keep thinking this is a professional recording until I come in...haha. My pianist played beautifully.

I think I am in love with her.

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IN OTHER NEWS
Well, it finally happened. It's the first time that two of my close friends have gotten engaged. I have known these guys for a long time, and I am so happy for them! They are both awesome people and are pretty much the perfect couple.
But as for me...it's starting. We're growing up. It scares me. I DON'T WANNA.

I am too tired to censor right now...
We have many means of communication in this world. We can talk to each other in person, send emails, post or message on facebook, write letters, call each other...there are so many options. Please use them. Don't ignore messages or phone calls, because that really sucks a lot. I mean, like it seriously hurts real bad, so much so that I can't even use correct grammer to describe it.

And stop giving me that stupid grin, because that is NOT going to save you anymore.

I love senior recital.
"Do you REALLY love senior recital, or are you just saying that because you just played yours?"
I love senior recital! I love...senior recital.