Yes! This explains it! I saw this on someone's facebook profile:

"An emotion can neither be restrained nor removed except by an emotion which is contrary to and stronger than the one which is to be restrained." (Spinoza, Ethics: part 4 prop 7)

Note to self: buy milk and orange juice

Well, I met with Karey Fowler, and sure enough, she talked about her printer.

OWIGAMI!

Seriously, Lost and Katamari Damacy is the ultimate mixture...throw some brownies and best friends in there, and you've got yourself one hyper, hyper Ash.

I love my little slinky :)

The question game with U2!

01. Are you male or female?: a man and a woman
02. Describe yourself: out of control
03. How do some people feel about you?: bad
04. How do you feel about yourself?: i threw a brick through a window
05. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: i still haven't found what i'm looking for
06. Where would you rather be?: where the streets have no name
07. Describe what you want to be: the hands that built america
08. Describe how you live: stuck in a moment
09. Describe how you love: some days are better than others
10. Share a few words of wisdom: walk to the water

What a beautiful day!
For the one and only God, I am going to try extra hard today to bring joy and love into the world. I love God!

Well, I've done everything I can possibly think of to do to make up for my evil deed. The rest is up to his ability to forgive.

Man now I have a headache from all the tension AND I fel like a jerk AND I'm probably going to have to play flute for another four years with someone who probably hates me now.
This isn't one of my best moments in life.

I took the "constructive" out of constructive criticism (actually, come to think of it, I took the criticism out too), and I am the biggest jerk in the whole world.
I'm extremely arrogant and should be punched.
I feel horrible. There aren't too many times in my life that I have been so blatantly mean to someone. I don't know what happened.

Waaah! I need a hug. But I don't deserve it.

And after I was doing so well to fight sin this week, too...

Note to self: buy milk

Okay okay you can only avoid it for so long. Here's my dang twenty things you might not know about me.
1) I love romance. Really.
2) I don't fit fully into any religious category except maybe "christian"
3) Probably the last 5 times I have cried have been because of my mom
4) I have never had a pet except for a couple fish--and I feel sometimes that I lose out on life because of it
5) I consider myself very independent
6) Sometimes I wonder if I was born with fewer emotions than others
7) I really, really don't like it when people yell in anger
8) I think that my left and right brain are almost equally dominant (haha oxymoron)
9) I would rather play flute than do almost anything else
10) I'm a rather picky eater
11) I'm also rather picky with boys
12) I always wished that I was ambidextrous, I could roll my tounge, speak another language, or wiggle my ears or nose
13) I believe that there is a reason for everything that happens in this world
14) I think my life would be a lot easier if I wasn't attracted to boys
15) I don't consider myself a lazy person, but I do tend to get distracted easily
16) I never know how to take compliments well, so there are times when I'd just rather not get them
17) I would be happy if I didn't see or talk to a single person the whole day. But only a day.
18) I am a feminist, a pacifist, and a liberal
19) I am an extremely jealous person, and I find myself referring to the parable of the laborers in the vinyard a lot in my mind
20) I believe that my best moments in life are yet to come

I know it's probably annoying that I talk about band so much, but I can't help it! I feel so extremely blessed to be able to play with symphonic band every day (and to no longer have to play with the THS wind ensemble every day).
As soon as I hear the trumpets bellow the perfect intonation and the clarinets can actually play a hard run at tempo and the horns hit every note with perfect precision, my heart melts. How do I deserve this?

When I was in the world youth symphony orchestra at Interlochen, everyone played everything so perfectly that I was actually glad when someone messed up because it made me feel like I wasn't the only mortal player in the orchestra. I'll admit that that orchestra was much better then symphonic band, and that I probably wasn't a good enough player to actually sit where I was sitting (the flutes were the worst section in the orchestra, if you can believe it). There was just a shortage of talent on my instrument, I think. The orchestra was no doubt above my level, and while it was amazing to play with such a group, it was also terrifying. Such pressure... Symphonic band, on the other hand, is perfect for my level. It is not terrifying, and it is certainly quite amazing.

I like band. I always have. Orchestra is wonderful, orchestra will always be wonderful. But there's something about playing in a really good band...the sound of it...I can't describe it...

Well, I pulled out my old Hubert Laws CD today, and it turns out the last track on it (which I probably never reached before) is this rockin arrangement of Bizet's Farandole. How awesome is that?

After a refreshing trip to church, I am ready to fight sin for another week!
Go to church, friends;
it's good for the soul
(and for everything else).

So I figured out why the guys wanted to take me to a party...they want me to get drunk. I knew it wasn't in my best interest.

Kenny: "You WILL get intoxicated before the year is through, mark my words!!!"

What a noble cause to devote oneself to. I don't think he realizes how hopeless it is. Aside from the fact that I think I would pass out if I ever drank any alcohol (I really do believe this), nobody can make me go anywhere, and nobody can make me drink anything. And if they do try, I will punch them. In fact, nobody can even know where I am at any given moment to even attempt to make me do those things. So I will NOT get intoxicated before the year is through, mark MY words!

----------------------------------------------------

Sometimes, I wish that the world wouldn't force such impure words and pictures onto its people. Sometimes, I wish that I'd never heard anyone curse and I'd never seen anything violent or sexual or impure. Sometimes, I wish that I could stay innocent forever. But there's no getting around it, not in this world. And that makes me sad.

My gosh, I'm happy again! I'm a happy freshman again! Whatever the shadow was that was haunting me for years--it's gone! Praise the Lord!

I've noticed that all my recent blog posts are about the daily activities in my life. I'm sorry that I'm getting so boring. Nobody makes you read this, though.

This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine.

And I mean really awesome.

Yessss! I am awesome.

I should've studied more for my nutrition test. I got an 88. No star crunch for me this time.

Daryl and Kenny keep trying to take me to a party. I don't know what their motive is, but I'm pretty sure its not in my best interest.

IN OTHER NEWS
Today symphonic band played John Barnes Chance Elegy REALLY REALLY WELL and I think it almost killed me.
I can't stress enough how strongly I feel this: I am glad I'm not in high school anymore.

Man!
Caramel-filled hershey's kisses are really good!

The last time I went shopping, I had already eaten dinner, so I was in the desert mindset, and now I have a lot of chocolate-based products in my room.

Lost starts this week! Best show ever!

When my roomate is alarmed, she sings a high note in the place of a scream. I think it's really, really funny.

Note to self: buy milk

So in band there's this one part in the Gould piece where the music requests two piccolos (one on the actual part and one doubling piccolo) playing in unison for a more outstanding sound. It's short--only about four measures long. My fellow flutists obviously hate piccolo or simply don't want to play it, because they encouraged me to play it when the time came. So I've been playing it, dreading every time it came because it's so out of tune and I can't figure out if I'm flat or sharp--or even if it's my fault at all.

So today the conductor decided to fix it. After we played it, he stopped the band, and tuned me (because the other girl was in tune--she had been playing picc the whole time). Luckily, my A registered as a G sharp on the tuner, and the conductor was nice enough to announce it to the band. He decides to give up after that and tells us to get together and work it out outside of class. But after that, since I knew which way out of tune I was, I was able to fix it. The next time we played it, the four bars sounded close to one piccolo playing. But I doubt anyone noticed or cared.

I hate when conductors stop the band for me or my section. It's such a horrible feeling. "Why couldn't I have just played it better?"

Today I have experienced a part of life that I have never experienced before.

I knew and felt fear, real fear. Shame. Dread. Worry.
I realized my love for my fellow human being.
I didn't know what to do.
I ran out of anxiousness.
Eyes wide, hands shaking.
Things seemed to be moving in slow motion.
A minute's worth of phone call seemed like an hour.

We watch movies and hear stories, but we somehow don't think they are real.
But today was real.
I only wonder why I didn't see it before.

So I have a term paper to write. But yesterday, instead of writing it, I watched 3 hours of Unsolved Mysteries.
And now I am procrastinating some more by writing this.

So last night, a bunch of people were in my/Sarah's room playing a game, and some of the boys found my slinky and decided to experiment with it. (Experiment meaning stretching it the length of the hall and letting one end go so it shoots in the other direction.) Needless to say, my slinky broke. So one of the guys said he'd buy me a new one. I was like, "okay whatever."

So today, I'm in my dorm room, and the guy comes by with the slinky. He pulls it out and says "This one was plastic, so I got this one too," he pulls out a metal slinky "Which was smaller then the one you had" he pulls out a tiny metal slinky "so I got this one just for fun."
I now have three slinkies whcih can fit into each other. The baby one is so cute.

I'd like to use this incident as a metaphor to life. Sometimes bad things happen (some boys break your slinky) and you don't see how anything good could possibly come of it. But there is a reason for everything: God will provide, and you will always end up with three slinkies in the end.

To cute guy: That was not cool.

Yesterday in band, I started thinking about how glad I am to not be in high school anymore. Last year was not exactly the best year for me, nor was year before. I just wasn't happy, for a variety of reasons that have all (yes, ALL) been erased since I've come to college.

I am doing things for a reason now.

Three dorms, including mine, don't have running water.
Sooooo...yeah.
Craig, I may be using your shower tonight.

I forgot to buy milk AGAIN. UGH. I don't think I'm going to get enough calcium this week.

Wow, I just watched 2 and a half hours of a guy playing indian flute, a guy playing indian drum, and a guy playing indian violin.

I must deserve, like, 15 star crunch for not leaving.

I've gotten a lot less than usual done sice I've found the speech device on my computer.

So yesterday, I was sitting in my dorm room doing homework, and at about the time I was going to go to sleep, Sarah came into the room proclaiming news of a gas leak. She said all the girls were leaving and they said that we should leave, too. I had smelled a funny smell like an hour ago, and I suddenly wondered if I had been breathing toxic gas this whole time. So Sarah, Shannon and I go downstairs (me in my pajamas) to see if we will meet anyone at Landis who could tell us what's going on.
When we came down, nobody was there.
We went back upstairs with the plan of asking our RA if she knew what was going on. She wasn't in her room.
So we go back downstairs to ask the front desk what's going on. The girl at the desk said that the smell was from cleaning, and it was nothing to worry about. She said that the supervisor came to inspect and that's what he (or she) said.
So we go back upstairs, and as soon as we hit our floor, the smell is filling our nostrils once again. We decide to keep our windows open throughout the night just to be safe.

SO
At about 7:00 this morning, a giant crane decided to land itself right under our window. It was very loud. It got to the point where Sarah and I coundln't take it anymore, so we got out of bed and closed the windows. After that, I had a hard time going back to sleep.

Needless to say, my lesson today did not go as well as it could have.

----------------------------------

Sometimes when I'm practicing, my brain suddenly says in a robotic voice "Pooh pooh" or "I want to play Mario Kart." And then I have to stop playing and give myself a couple seconds of laughing time, because I won't be able to play if I don't get my laughing out then. Then my brain says "I want to play Mario Kart" very fast, and it happens all over again. But I like it.

Today in band we read March Militaire Francais.
That piece is so cute.
The arrangement wasn't as good as the one we used to play at THS.

Honors colloquium is boring. Why am I in the honors program? It's not going to help me get a job as a musician.

Tomorrow my first class is at 11:00, but I have to wake up at eight for a lesson. And every week from now on.
Boo.

The good news is, I think I'm going to get to be in a freshman WW quintet that is forming.

Those are all the random things in my life that I can think of now. Well, there are more. But I'm sure you don't care to hear them.

It would take 30-40 slices of pizza to get your recommended daily amount of vitamin C.

Wow. They really tried to hack into my account. That is not cool.

This week's scores:
-1 Mild practice laziness
-1 Poor nutitional meals
-3 Avoiding people
-3 Not enough sleep
-2 Too much time spent on computer
-5 Skipping Bible study

+2 Hard work paying off in band
+1 Keeping up with schoolwork
+1 Conserving money
+3 Good grades
+4 Wise use of time
+4 Talking to a cute boy

We had a very interesting discussion in english today. It was cenetered around the concept of one's "real self."
"Is there such a thing as a real self?" the teacher asked, "If so, what is the "true (or real) self based upon?"

Many in the class believe that the real self lies in one's concept of himself. They believe this because many times people do certain things only because society tells them they should. For example, a person could wear certain clothes only because he thinks the clothes are "in," not neccessarily because he likes them. One's true self, these people argued, is hidden inside a person. It hardly ever shows itself because society puts so much pressure on people to act a certain way. They believe that we really are what we truly believe we are.

I spoke up in class against this.
I believe that one's true self does not lie inside him, but outside. Our actions are what define us. What could be more real than the choices you act upon, the actions you carry out? Our true self does not lie in some dark corner of our brain or soul; our true self is outside, steering our actions and choices every second of our life. If someone acts kind, then that person truly is kind. If someone acts hateful, that person truly is hateful. And if someone chooses to give in to the pressures of society, that's the person he really is. The other argument just doesn't make sense to me.

Things here are going well, in case you were wondering.

Sarah: There are too many boys here! They're so distracting!
Me: If you don't look them in the eye, they won't distract you.

I just spent an entire hour getting back to my dorm from Rebecca's.
It's because all the spaces were taken in the parking garage.
A space opened up once, but someone shoved their way into it.
Even though I was there first.
I ended up parking at the garage at the student union, which is halfway across campus. I don't even know if I'm going to get a ticket or not.

Yes, I am angry.

So much for studying.

Well, the biggest game of the year is going on right now...
time to go practice.

My slinky won't walk down the Cawthon stairs.
:(

This is me wasting time:

Type "(your name) is" with the quotes into a Google search, and pick out your favorite 10 responses. Copy and repost your responses:

1. Ashley is the sweetest little girl, with always a happy bounce to her walk
2. Ashley is still smiling
3. Ashley is equally determined these days
4. Ashley is very peaceful and very small
5. Ashley is truly a person with a PLETHORA of excellent qualities
6. Ashley is living life to the fullest
7. Ashley is a person of integrity and energy, of talent and confidence
8. Ashley is extremely well informed, knowledgeable and fair
9. Ashley is very mature and very hardworking
10. Ashley is one hot gal

To everyone in Cawthon Hall:
Don't try to pour spahgetti-o's down the drain. It won't work.
Don't try to pour the scrambled egg traces left on your pan down the drain. It won't work.
Don't try to pour soup remnants down the drain. It won't work.

My band is really good.

Wow, I just wrote a huge email to Ms. Clew, and when I tried to send it, the computer pulled the page not found trick. Wow, I am very angry right now.

I'm in orchestra!.....oh wait, no I'm not.
But I was really, really close. Actually, I was one chair away.
You know what that mean, right?
That means that now I have to work even harder, so that at the next audition, there will be no "one chair away."

And work hard I shall.