Prokofiev Romeo and Juliet...some of the greatest music ever written. This is one that I probably will never stop coming back to.

I love greeting people I know when I pass them in the halls of the music school. I feel like I know the entire college of music at this point (it's probably half-true). I'm really going to miss that. Nowadays, every time I smile and wave at somebody and give a little greeting, I think to myself, "is this the last time I will ever see her (or him)?" It's kind of sad. There are a lot of really great people here.

I've been thinking lately, and I've decided that the vast majority of the world are nice, normal people. Think of all the people you know--for example, I have 588 friends on facebook--and out of those people, there are like maybe 2 or 3 who I wouldn't want to hang out with. It's those few people that give the human race such a bad rep.

How much does it cost?

...I'll buy it.

I don't even know anymore.

Whoo mama, I slept for 13 hours tonight, and it was glorious.

I can't really remember how to play flute or piano, so we'll see how my piano lesson goes today...wow, I'm going to go practice.

I'm back from Bradenton, and man, what a weekend it was! Soooooo much ultimate, crazy good ultimate. I learned a ton in just two days. I got to play a lot, earned a plethora of experience points, played with some really awesome teammates...all in all, a wonderful ultimate experience.

Fortunately, I didn't learn more than I bargained for--I know that can happen in trips like this. You know...TMI and all that. No TMI here.

The Saturday party was pretty sweet. If drinking brings out your true personality, I must be a very happy person deep down. Dancing, laughing, creeping, punching people, telling horrible jokes, and yelling AWWWWWW YEEEEAAAAHHH. (Several bets were made that night. The funniest one was based on how many times I would say AWWWWW YEEEAAAAAAAHH. The least funny one was also based on a prediction of my actions. I don't think I was supposed to know about that one; nevertheless, I DID NOT APPRECIATE IT. Jerks...)

The other parts of the trip were...ha. Let's see, I drove for 10 hours with a car full of guys (you can draw your own conclusions there)...ate a total of like one real meal the entire weekend (and that was at the very end)...spent hour upon hour in the April Florida sun...slept like 10 hours for the entire weekend...ran until I could run no more...so yeah, I am exhausted right now. No joke, I'm about to pass out on the keyboard this very moment. Time to sleep...

Paganini is Johnny from Devil Went Down to Georgia.

Man, I'm doing the traffic school thing right now, and this grammar is SO BAD sometimes. I've been facepalming the whole time. I mean, I don't have the best grammar in the world, but I'm not a professional writer for traffic school. Here's an example:

A problem to be aware of is when leaving an alley or driveway.

So many things wrong with that sentence.

RUF end-of-the-year banquet tonight. I was honored to be one of only three seniors leaving. I might never see some of those people again. It was sad :( RUF has been a really good influence in my life.

-------------------------------

So, going to Bradenton for an ultimate tournament this weekend. I definitely have mixed emotions about mixed emotions, but for the most part, it sounds extremely fun.

Here is what is going to happen:
-I'm going to play ultimate frisbee to the best of my ability. I'm not going to be as good as the people around me, but it will be okay, because it's what God gave me to work with and God is never wrong.
-I'm going to be happy Ashley and have a rockin' good time at the party.
-I am going to make wise choices.
-I am going to come home in one piece.

Here is what is not going to happen:
-I'm going to complain endlessly about my frustrations and how bad I am at ultimate.
-I am going to be grumpy the whole time.
-I am going to make bad choices.
-I am going to come home injured (or worse).

SMELL YA LATER

Man, life is so good. I picked up my cap and gown and graduation tickets today. It's happening. I'm going to have a degree!

I also had my last lesson with Prof. Amsler today. It was a little sad, but it was a happy kind of sadness, more of a celebration of what we have achieved together. I will definitely miss her, but we are both happy that I will be growing more, and I will always cherish in my heart the words of wisdom that she gave to me. What a special person, one of a kind really...

I am SO excited about Arizona State. I really am. I guess I have set my sights slightly to the future once more, now that I have decided. I have no doubts that I made the right choice. I feel like I somehow knew all along, I knew where I would end up before my auditions even started. Do you ever have a feeling like that, that you know that something is going to happen because it just feels right? That's how I've felt about ASU throughout this process (before, during, and after). I'm going to be very happy there, because it's where I'm supposed to be. End of story.

The best part is that I'm not scared. Anyone in my family could tell you that I do not take well to change. It's a very strong part of my personality, that I am a staunch traditionalist (I'm the textbook ESTJ). So I could very easily see myself dragging my feet along to any other school, if I wasn't sure of my choice. The change would kill me. But this is me living thousands of miles away in a different culture, a different style of life, knowing nobody, and knowing nothing about the city, and I am welcoming the change because I am ready! The time is right, and I'm ready to take on the challenges that lie ahead. GIVE ME AN AWWWWWW YEEEEAAAH!!!!



So full of joy right now!

10 points to whoever can guess where this is from:

There's a great big beautiful tomorrow
Shining at the end of every day
There's a great big beautiful tomorrow
And tomorrow's just a day away

My neighbors are hilarious. Their plan is so obvious. These are two college guys. They bought this extremely cute puppy (I mean, like cuteness factor blows the roof off, or however that saying goes), and they hardly ever wear shirts. They have a shirt on like less than 10% of the time I see them. And they'll wander around the parking lot, just wandering, playing with their puppy with no shirts. WHAT DO YOU THINK THEIR PRIMARY OBJECTIVE IS???

Is there something inherently funny about this song?

(I love it just the same...probably even in my top 25.)

A really good day today. League playoffs (full of fun and win), Haydn Creation, Alberto Almarza masterclass, performing with the Quintessentials for the last time, and some nice conversation to boot.

There were really some touching moments in today's music. The Creation is very inspiring, there were some really beautiful voices out there (I'm looking at you, Tess)--just lovely--and the Poulenc is so exciting. And my colleagues are so awesome to work with. This is why I do what I do.

And getting $250 is never a bad thing either. That's like...second place in a competition, is it not?

I have a corner of my room where I just throw everything that I don't want to deal with at the moment, like traffic tickets, books and music I don't feel like re-shelving, old programs that belong in my studio notebook, magazines I need to read, clothes that belong in my closet, notes from classes...
That corner used to be just a small, neat pile of stuff, but it has gotten bigger and bigger as the semester progressed, and now it's taking over my entire room. I can't contain it anymore. It's a monster!!! It's like the little prince's version of baobabs. (Wow, I JUST had a revelation about that part of the book. How did it take me so long to see that? I feel really dumb right now.)

Solas:
In January you've still got the choice
You can cut the weeds before they start to bud
If you leave them to grow higher, they'll silence your voice
And in December you may pay with your blood

While shaving today, I noticed a muscle in my leg that wasn't there before.

And then God said, "Let there be muscle!"
(Sorry...too much Haydn lately.)

Anyway, whatever I've been doing...it's working. Woot.

These words don't lie.

Here's the good word: the teacher at LSU convinced the admissions office to give me more time to decide, and ASU has finally responded: I will be getting close to full tuition in scholariship. Thank the Lord!

I knew things would work out, but I hated being the bad guy yesterday and not responding.

ARIZONA STATE MASTERS STUDENT 2011! Phoenix, here I come!


P.S. I threw two touchdowns and caught two in class today. WHAT WHAT. And those were from meandering around the whole time. They really don't try too hard there sometimes.

P.P.S. I love my roommates. Mark, Ashley, Jessica, yeah I'm calling you out.

I'm feeling blue. This has not been a good day. My heart hurts. My legs hurt. My pride hurts. I haven't given any kind of response yet. Until I hear from ASU, I can't make a choice.

LSU is bein' a big ol' jerk and not extending the deadline, so I might have lost my tuition waiver there. ASU is being a lazy bum and not telling me how much more money I'm getting. I feel like a bad person for stringing KK along when I'm pretty sure I'm not going there. The blind guy got voted off of idol. That's unrelated.

Here's a conversation that could've happened in the last couple of hours, but didn't:
"Hey Ashley, how's it going?"
"Not so good, man...I might have lost my scholarship at one of my schools."
"Oh, that's a bummer. Sorry Ashley."
"Thanks dude."

And now I'm eating a chocolate bunny for dinner. Curses, curses all around.

So the admissions office from LSU is demanding that I answer today. Ummm...help? Please? God?

Oh dear.

It's 5, down to 4, down to 3, down to 2, down to 2, down to 2, down to 2....

It's either Louisiana State or Arizona State. LSU's offer came through--I could go there with a full tuition waiver and an additional scholarship and money to play in band. No loans or jobs during school.
ASU gave me a $2000 per year scholarship. Even though it was my favorite school, this was not nearly enough for me to be able to attend. I have to pay out-of-state tuition! So I told them that, and they promised me more money...just how much, I don't know. It makes a big difference--will it be enough for me to be able to attend? They STILL haven't told me how much more (yesterday I got an email..."I should know in a few more days"...d'oh!), and it's incredibly frustrating right now--the deadline to make a decision is TOMORROW. IN WRITING. I could lose everything at LSU if I wait any longer, but if I accept there, I could miss out on going to my top school. What am I supposed to do???

BAHAHAH! Oh mixed emotions crew...sorry in advance that I am so bad at ultimate. I'm somehow getting better at an alarmingly rapid pace, but I'm still a weak ol' 5'1" chickadee, afraid of the ground and of other people and of objects that fly towards my face. You'll have to forgive me.

Body: "Go to sleep, Ashley. You're incredibly tired."
Brain: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo. I DON'T WANNNAAAA"

Brain and Body rarely agree.

(I don't think that I age. My theory is that I'm actually going backwards in age, like Benjamin Button. I'm really like 10 years old right now. IT MAKES SENSE, DOESN'T IT???)

The most comforting thing about Easter to me is the reminder that there is something more out there. So many times I forget that this is only life on earth, and it is not the end. And everything that happens here, while it may hurt for a bit, is only temporary. Even the worst possible scenerio you only must endure for a lifetime. There is something greater, so much greater, to look towards.

Jesus Christ is risen today
Alleluia, alleluia

So fight those bad vibes, they won't last. Christ will.

(Sometimes I panic for no logical reason. Don't panic, Ashley. It's gonna be okay. You're okay.)

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!!!!!

Wow, what a beautiful day--so appropriate. Life is good!

Man, sometimes I say stuff.

Reason: I'm a hard worker.

You'd better believe it, brother.

Well, my month of fame has ended, but I'm not sad because a friend of mine from elementary school and middle school (one of the close-knit group of friends in the gifted program) took my place. Way to go, Hambone! I remember square dancing together in third grade. I only wish we could have been on at the same time--that would have been awesome.

A letter to the editor:

Q: Ashley, you are a smart, attractive, outgoing, talented, and generally pleasant girl. How is it that some lucky guy has not snatched you up by now?

A: Thank you for your question! I have a long answer for you, so get ready:

Relationships, at their core, are friendship. The difference is that there is a future to relationships, some kind of forward-looking element. Therefore, there is one reason to date: to find a mate. If you are dating someone who you don't believe you could POSSIBLY marry, well then, you're wasting both of your time. And I'm also guessing that you are also dating only to indulge in, said in the best way possible, the romance. YOU'RE INDULGING WHERE YOU SHOULDN'T BE INDULGING.

THAT SAID, I have some pretty strict rules for the guys I date. The most important thing to me is my belief system, therefore, the most important thing that I look for in a guy is a belief system that is compatible with mine. So it follows that I only date fellow Christians, no exceptions. I know it's harsh, I know I am close-minded and all that, but I am not going to change. SO DEAL WITH IT.

In addition, I am a cautious person--extremely cautious when it comes to relationships. It sounds like a paradox: I'm a free spirit, but I look before I leap. Feelings are very real, and I have hurt and been hurt enough to know that if you can prevent that pain, you should do it as soon as possible. Do not lead guys on, and for Pete's sake, do not lead me on. Please note: I'm not going to do anything physical--no, not even first base--if I am not dating a guy. IT'S BAD NEWS.

Right now, I'm living in Tallahassee. In four weeks, that will no longer be true. Who knows when I will return. Let's face it: I'm not exactly girlfriend material right now...I'm only seeking good, clean fun--the way I always do.

I hope that clears things up.

So I was looking on youtube at some videos of KT Tunstall. Love that girl, she's so sassy, she got soul, and her music is just awesome, full of energy. The more I learn about her, the more I like her. I mean, any girl who's is going to write a song with "you're not the one for me" as the main lyrics is okay in my book. I think I see in her some of the characteristics that girls in general admire: cool and confident, more powerful than men, honestly doesn't care what the fjsda they think, with an attitude to boot. She's just so COOL.

ANYWAY, I learned that she covered "Walk Like an Egyptian" (not very well, but when are covers ever as good as the original?). Just the fact that she chose that song makes her awesome. That's my jam.

I might just use my new iTunes dollars on her albums.


Black Horse and a Cherry Tree
Hold On
Walk Like an Egyptian
Suddenly I See

I'm living in the present, one short glimpse of the normal life. It'll be gone soon, all too soon...but let's not think about that right now. Live in the present, I'm all in.

ALSO...picking the handler up and carrying her around the field is NOT a valid or legal defensive maneuver!

ALSO...hahah! I love being a girl, with the innate ability to...know things.

ALSO...ultimate is really fun.

Life is so hard sometimes. We have to make these tough decisions, execute difficult actions. Often we must say things that we don't want to say and do things we don't want to do, even to the point of hurting others...and sometimes it's really hard to tell whether the choice you're making is for the good of all, or if it is the best choice for you alone. And there's nobody to hold your hand through it all and assure you that what you're doing really is the best option. These choices that I make that affect others so strongly...they weigh heavily on me, they really do, even if I pretend otherwise.

The freedom of choice can be a burden.

Honestly, I think guys live in some kind of dream-reality world sometimes.

It's 3:15 AM, I'm eating Ramen, and I just came from playing Rock Band.

Welcome to college, dear. Where have you been the past three and a half years?

My challenge to myself was to play better every week at the league game. I'm doing it. I scored my first point today! And some other good stuff.

I can now out-frisbee Joe Shmo. AND JOE SHMO IS NOT A LADY.

Red. I'm red all over.

I was an American explorer again today, Louis and Clark traveling uncharted land for the first time. What a great feeling, the mystery of what lies ahead...and then reaching that place to find a land that has never been seen before...(perhaps in my imagination).

Tallahassee is deceptive. It has some hidden secrets about it. You just have to know where to look.

"One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes."

Hey flute players out there...tell me what is wrong with this passage. It is an excerpt from Nancy Toff's "The Flute Book":

"Sergei Prokofiev (1891-1953) had a career similar to Martinu in that it combined nationalist elements with neoclassicism. His only work for flute, the Sonata, premiered in Moscow in 1943. It is a traditional work--its three movements are in sonata, rondo, and ternary form, respectively--but modern at the same time."

Am I missing something here? (or better yet, is SHE missing something here?)
????????

I got a special sunburn today.

Prokofiev died the same day as Stalin. How ironic!

So as it turns out, Sigur Ros not only writes the most beautiful music imaginable, but they also make the most beautiful music videos imaginable. Take a look:

Glósóli (translates "glowing sole," this is my favorite video)

Hoppipolla (translates "hopping into puddles")

Lightning just struck right outside my window. The thunder made my room shake. Oh, this is scary because it's real. The end is coming...

I am going to die if I try to go to class today. Oh God, I don't want to die...

Note to self: driving school. Do it.