I did good at the audition. Now comes the "Waiting for Results Game." I've done this too many times, and I've decided that it's my least favorite game of them all (except maybe the game they play called "Kill Ashley"). It's much worse than the "Scramble to Practice for Audition at the Last Minute!" game because at least in that game you can do something to improve the probablility of an agreeable outcome. This game involves waiting...and waiting...and waiting....until you start to wonder if results are going to come at all. Then, when they finally do come, if the results are what you want, you have to say "All that waiting was really worth it!" If the results are not what you want, you have to say "They are stupid. They don't know what they're doing. I'm going to boycott." The object of the game is to annoy as many people as you can, first by constantly talking about the pending results to everyone and anyone, then by making people want to hurt you, either because you boast your success in a highly egotistical manner or throw a pity party (depending on what the results are). You get even more points if the people you annoy are people who are competing against you.
I was talking to a friend the other day, and he said that he wished that he was as smart as some people in his class. He said this because he has to work a lot harder to make the grade. I didn't really know what to say when he told me that, but he went on to say that it was okay because he valued a number of other things higher than intelligence. He said he valued imagination above all. That got me thinking....what do I value above all? What do I try to have more than anything? I came to the conclusion that I valued morals and kindness the most. If nothing else, I try to be nice to people and stick to my morals. That information alarmed me a bit, because there are things higher up in my little dream totem pole of personality traits than kindness. Things like faith, hard work, honesty. I don't know where I'm going with this. Maybe I just wanted to say that I'll try harder to work towards my dream totem pole. Yes. And you should too. What do YOU value the most?
Friday, April 30, 2004
For the last two days in Calculus, we've been taking a practice AP test. A real one. Actually, the exact same test as last year. Today we graded it and went over the answers. I am three points away from getting a 5.
Oh man oh man I don't want to audition. They're just gonna crush all my hopes and dreams again, especially when mad flutists like Alyssa and Katie and Ellie are trying out. Most of the time its soo good to have amazing flute players like that around, but come audition time you don't really want it anymore. Oh well, may the best win. Or get into the orchestra. Whatev.
I made up a song. It's called "I don't care"
here it goes:
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
Yeah it's a dumb song but it expresses what I feel right now.
Oh man oh man I don't want to audition. They're just gonna crush all my hopes and dreams again, especially when mad flutists like Alyssa and Katie and Ellie are trying out. Most of the time its soo good to have amazing flute players like that around, but come audition time you don't really want it anymore. Oh well, may the best win. Or get into the orchestra. Whatev.
I made up a song. It's called "I don't care"
here it goes:
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
I don't care
Yeah it's a dumb song but it expresses what I feel right now.
Thursday, April 29, 2004
We got straight superiors. Getting that rating really tells me how much I don't care about ratings. Yes I was happy, of course I was happy. But the music is the thing, not the rating. Nobody really cares about some silly old rating. It is nice, though to be the first THS band in a lot of years to get a superior--straight superiors at that--at state. Though you can't even really help that either. You can do your part to help the band, but look at the word. BAND. It involves a group of people, working together, not just one. Shoot, I could've been born two years earlier and I wouldn't even be in this band. Most of it is just coincidence-the right people in band together at the right time. I'll give me credit to what I deserve.
Oh dear. I have the FSYO audition tomorrow and I haven't practiced in forever. And they hate me. I have a million things to do tonight and this weekend, we have a tough concert coming up in band, I've got two AP tests to study (haha....study), I have a recital next weekend that I need to practice for, and I'm so dang tired. I've gotten home at eleven the last two nights in a row, once for the concert once for festival. Being busy is really great until you have to lose sleep for it.
On that note, I don't know if I've told you before, but I think I have a fear of losing sleep. I goes deep back into gymnastics when I didn't know about that little hypoglycemic thing and I would be totally exhausted after ever practice. And it also goes back to marching band. I hate the feeling of being tired all the time, of not wanting to do anything but sleep but being forced to do else. That's what marching band does to you.
On that note (again), Thank the Lord, I can't be an officer next year!!!! I'm gonna miss all of marching band camp to go to Interlochen, and I love it! Next year is gonna be so much cooler than the last two years. Ya know, after two years of being an officer, I've finally realized what a lousy leader I am. That's prolly one of my worst personality traits, leadership. I'm either really nice or really mean, never in between. So I'm either inefficient because I don't enforce the rules or nobody listens to me because I'm being so much of a....mean person.
And next year I'll get to march again, I wont have to leave in the middle of class to go work with drumline, I'll never have to do the warm-up, my playing won't slack like it did this year because I'll be playing all the time, my arms won't be constantly tired, I won't have to worry about what to do when there's nothing (for drum majors) to do, people won't ask me random questions that I have no idea how to answer, I won't have to work with weird people who look at me funny when I tell them something, I won't be criticized by the certain people in the band (who seem to think that my job was oh-so-easy), I won't have to be the ultimate example for everyone, I'll never have to touch another dang measuring stick, I won't have to run sectionals, none of the problems of the flute section will rest on my shoulders, I'll be able to pick myself out in videos, I'll just be a plain, normal, band member. One who plays and marches and actually works at practices. Maybe, just maybe, I'll enjoy marching band again. Hey, I liked it my freshman year. I loved it in fact. Then the dark title of officer was placed upon me.
You may be asking why I even tried out if I hate it so much. Well, the thing is, it's pretty bad to have incompetent people in power over you. You think you can do their job better then they can. So I tried out to be section leader. After a year of being section leader (a year that I hated), I decided that nothing could possibly be worse than being section leader, so I tried out for drum major. And I got it. And ya know what? It was worse.
I'm just not cut out for that kind of job. I like it when people like me. Officers make many enemies. "With great power comes great responsibility" (Spiderman)
Shoot! I just wasted a lot of time writing in my blogger. Stupid blogger. Why do you do that to me?
Oh dear. I have the FSYO audition tomorrow and I haven't practiced in forever. And they hate me. I have a million things to do tonight and this weekend, we have a tough concert coming up in band, I've got two AP tests to study (haha....study), I have a recital next weekend that I need to practice for, and I'm so dang tired. I've gotten home at eleven the last two nights in a row, once for the concert once for festival. Being busy is really great until you have to lose sleep for it.
On that note, I don't know if I've told you before, but I think I have a fear of losing sleep. I goes deep back into gymnastics when I didn't know about that little hypoglycemic thing and I would be totally exhausted after ever practice. And it also goes back to marching band. I hate the feeling of being tired all the time, of not wanting to do anything but sleep but being forced to do else. That's what marching band does to you.
On that note (again), Thank the Lord, I can't be an officer next year!!!! I'm gonna miss all of marching band camp to go to Interlochen, and I love it! Next year is gonna be so much cooler than the last two years. Ya know, after two years of being an officer, I've finally realized what a lousy leader I am. That's prolly one of my worst personality traits, leadership. I'm either really nice or really mean, never in between. So I'm either inefficient because I don't enforce the rules or nobody listens to me because I'm being so much of a....mean person.
And next year I'll get to march again, I wont have to leave in the middle of class to go work with drumline, I'll never have to do the warm-up, my playing won't slack like it did this year because I'll be playing all the time, my arms won't be constantly tired, I won't have to worry about what to do when there's nothing (for drum majors) to do, people won't ask me random questions that I have no idea how to answer, I won't have to work with weird people who look at me funny when I tell them something, I won't be criticized by the certain people in the band (who seem to think that my job was oh-so-easy), I won't have to be the ultimate example for everyone, I'll never have to touch another dang measuring stick, I won't have to run sectionals, none of the problems of the flute section will rest on my shoulders, I'll be able to pick myself out in videos, I'll just be a plain, normal, band member. One who plays and marches and actually works at practices. Maybe, just maybe, I'll enjoy marching band again. Hey, I liked it my freshman year. I loved it in fact. Then the dark title of officer was placed upon me.
You may be asking why I even tried out if I hate it so much. Well, the thing is, it's pretty bad to have incompetent people in power over you. You think you can do their job better then they can. So I tried out to be section leader. After a year of being section leader (a year that I hated), I decided that nothing could possibly be worse than being section leader, so I tried out for drum major. And I got it. And ya know what? It was worse.
I'm just not cut out for that kind of job. I like it when people like me. Officers make many enemies. "With great power comes great responsibility" (Spiderman)
Shoot! I just wasted a lot of time writing in my blogger. Stupid blogger. Why do you do that to me?
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
FYAO might be on 90.7!
The concert is today. They're gonna record it, and if it's good enough, they'll play it. I hope they do. That'd be awesome.
The stations I listen to (because they are in the fast numbers buttons)
105.1-"mix" 80's, 90's, and new stuff. Mostly good. They have a few chosen songs that they play all the time, and that gets annoying
98.1-The spanish station, plays Mexican samba and salsa as well as spanish rap, slow songs, etc. Can't understand a word of it, but it sure is fun to dance to!
90.7-Classical. The best music on the radio, hands down.
100.3-Oldies! I love this station, it plays the best music from the past. Well not too much into past. The best music from the past would be 90.7
107.1-Recent music, usually good stuff, but sometimes a non-song is thrown in there
some eighties station-it doesn't come in too well anymore, so I need to change it.
And if they are all playing commercials (which happens more than you would think) I'll pop in a CD. Gotta love this age of ease.
That's all for today because I need to get ready for the concert.
The concert is today. They're gonna record it, and if it's good enough, they'll play it. I hope they do. That'd be awesome.
The stations I listen to (because they are in the fast numbers buttons)
105.1-"mix" 80's, 90's, and new stuff. Mostly good. They have a few chosen songs that they play all the time, and that gets annoying
98.1-The spanish station, plays Mexican samba and salsa as well as spanish rap, slow songs, etc. Can't understand a word of it, but it sure is fun to dance to!
90.7-Classical. The best music on the radio, hands down.
100.3-Oldies! I love this station, it plays the best music from the past. Well not too much into past. The best music from the past would be 90.7
107.1-Recent music, usually good stuff, but sometimes a non-song is thrown in there
some eighties station-it doesn't come in too well anymore, so I need to change it.
And if they are all playing commercials (which happens more than you would think) I'll pop in a CD. Gotta love this age of ease.
That's all for today because I need to get ready for the concert.
Monday, April 26, 2004
I think it's about time for a new name for ol' Firework Hands here. Any suggestions?
By the way, that name came from an activity I did on a tone packet or something like that. It said something like "the boy was running carrying lemons," and I thought it was really stupid. The activity said that you had to make up something like that, so I said "The boy ran with fireworks in his hands." For me, Firework Hands could be a number of things...fireworks are a good noun depiction of tone (is that possible?) to describe my life, or it could represent my mad flute hands or even sparks coming from my hands when I write. You make the call.
"We have a love-hate relationship...we love to hate each other."
-me
By the way, that name came from an activity I did on a tone packet or something like that. It said something like "the boy was running carrying lemons," and I thought it was really stupid. The activity said that you had to make up something like that, so I said "The boy ran with fireworks in his hands." For me, Firework Hands could be a number of things...fireworks are a good noun depiction of tone (is that possible?) to describe my life, or it could represent my mad flute hands or even sparks coming from my hands when I write. You make the call.
"We have a love-hate relationship...we love to hate each other."
-me
Okay, I gotta tell you about my concert.
I was really nervous. There was so much pressure, having to live up to all that media stuff. They say I'm like the master of the flute or something. So I had to prove em right. AND three of my grandparents went AND I told my mom she could tape it AND Katie and the Kellys went AND afterwards I found out that...ummm...a "competitor" was there. So yeah, I was shakin like a leaf just walking there to do a sound check.
As I walked toward the church, thinking about how bad I could do, worrying about the memory, I saw some writing engraved onto a sign in front of the church. It said "Trust in God and do good." My brain said "Okay, I'll just do that then. I'll be okay." 100 pounds was lifted off my shoulders.
But it came back.
I didn't play until the middle of the concert, so I had to wait in the back hall. I couldn't warm up or anything, because the door wasn't soundproof. The beginning of the waiting was okay; I busied myself with changing into my dress, chatting with Shaul, and talking with a performer who had come to the back for a diabetes problem. But soon, I was finished dressing, Shaul went out to guest conduct, and the performer went back to play again. I was left alone. And that's the worst, because when you're alone lots of crazy things creep ino your head.
I went over the music about 5 times, wandered around the hall, practiced smiling, walking out, and bowing, but nothing really helped me to be un-nervous. This went on until the song before I played, which was Waltz of the Flowers by Tchaikovsky. That's when the thoughts in my head really got crazy. "What if I forget that part? I hope I don't trip. Lots of people are watching. I better not mess up. I'm gonna mess up. Oh man, I'm gonna mess up. I've never played that right before." These and other thoughts whirled around my head, until I stopped for a second and realized what I was thinking. "You just have to pretend you're the best," I told myself. Okay, sure. I'm the best.
But I was still shaking a lot, and I could feel my muscles tensing up. "This just won't do. How can I fix this?" Images of Alexander Technique from Cannon flashed through my head. I remembered my crazy old lady teacher, exclaim excitedly "The figure eight! It's a miracle move! You can do it anywhere, anytime, and it'll help!" So, with flute in hand, I started waltzing around to the music, doing a figure eight and thinking, almost singing, to myself "You're the best!" It was a silly moment and it made me laugh, and, as it was almost time to go in, it made me walk out with a genuine smile on my face.
It wasn't a perfect performance (it never is), but it was as good as I could hope for. And everyone said I looked confident. Imagine all that I went through to "look" confident. Shoot, man, I was the least confident performer in the history of ever. But I did it. There's a big ol' victory in my life.
-------------------------------------------------
Today, I've had "Thick as a Brick" stuck in my head all day. What a delightful song. So catchy, so pretty. Maybe I'll make that one of my songs. I have a lot of songs. They include "The Ash Grove" (aka "A Song of Thanksgiving" as well as other titles), "Rugged Ash" from DDR, "Buffalo Soldier" by Bob Marley (that might be the wrong title. Or even the wrong performer. But you know what song I'm talkin about), all of which are obvious why they are my songs.
Then there's the songs I could have (and have) listened to for whole days, songs like "Norweigan Wood" by the Beatles, "Firedance" from Riverdance, "Walk Like an Egyptian" by the Bangels, "Now We Are Free" from the Gladiator soundtrack, "Alexander the Great" by Bond, "Cossak Dance" by Tchaikovsky, "Feelin' Groovy" by Simon and Garfunkel, "Pinball Wizard" by The Who, and Natalie MacMaster's "The Drunken Piper," Cristina Crawlay/Kerstein Blodig's "Sovay," and Susan McKeown and the Chanting House's "Jericho" (some songs on the awesome Celtic CD). These aren't by any means the best pieces of music out there, but they certainly are fun to listen to. Some of my favorites, in fact. My songs.
--------------------------
People should stop complaining. That's all I hear anymore, "I hate this" or "I hate that" or "This person should die" or "My life sucks" or something to the extent of "Please pity me." Everyone's all negative and stuff. C'mon guys, it's not that bad. Would you rather live in a life where you're not even allowed to say these things? Where you don't know where your next meal is coming from? Where you have no choices or opportunities?
One of the most popular complaints as we come to a close of the school year is the "I hate school" complaint. I've heard this from several people, so if you have said it, it's not just you. Let me tell you something. Free education is a gift. If you can't do anything else in life, at least you can go to school. Many places don't even have that! Stop for a second, and look at what you have. Be grateful for it. Who knows, someday you might not even have it anymore. Then won't you be kicking yourself for complaining, when you should've been thanking.
It's like if someone gives you a candy bar and you shove it in their face, screaming "I hate candy!"
Sorry that post was kinda cruel. But it was getting on my nerves. I'll try not to be a hypocrite, too. I tend to do that a lot.
Shoot, I have homework to do! Spending all my time on the computer...grumble mumble...
I was really nervous. There was so much pressure, having to live up to all that media stuff. They say I'm like the master of the flute or something. So I had to prove em right. AND three of my grandparents went AND I told my mom she could tape it AND Katie and the Kellys went AND afterwards I found out that...ummm...a "competitor" was there. So yeah, I was shakin like a leaf just walking there to do a sound check.
As I walked toward the church, thinking about how bad I could do, worrying about the memory, I saw some writing engraved onto a sign in front of the church. It said "Trust in God and do good." My brain said "Okay, I'll just do that then. I'll be okay." 100 pounds was lifted off my shoulders.
But it came back.
I didn't play until the middle of the concert, so I had to wait in the back hall. I couldn't warm up or anything, because the door wasn't soundproof. The beginning of the waiting was okay; I busied myself with changing into my dress, chatting with Shaul, and talking with a performer who had come to the back for a diabetes problem. But soon, I was finished dressing, Shaul went out to guest conduct, and the performer went back to play again. I was left alone. And that's the worst, because when you're alone lots of crazy things creep ino your head.
I went over the music about 5 times, wandered around the hall, practiced smiling, walking out, and bowing, but nothing really helped me to be un-nervous. This went on until the song before I played, which was Waltz of the Flowers by Tchaikovsky. That's when the thoughts in my head really got crazy. "What if I forget that part? I hope I don't trip. Lots of people are watching. I better not mess up. I'm gonna mess up. Oh man, I'm gonna mess up. I've never played that right before." These and other thoughts whirled around my head, until I stopped for a second and realized what I was thinking. "You just have to pretend you're the best," I told myself. Okay, sure. I'm the best.
But I was still shaking a lot, and I could feel my muscles tensing up. "This just won't do. How can I fix this?" Images of Alexander Technique from Cannon flashed through my head. I remembered my crazy old lady teacher, exclaim excitedly "The figure eight! It's a miracle move! You can do it anywhere, anytime, and it'll help!" So, with flute in hand, I started waltzing around to the music, doing a figure eight and thinking, almost singing, to myself "You're the best!" It was a silly moment and it made me laugh, and, as it was almost time to go in, it made me walk out with a genuine smile on my face.
It wasn't a perfect performance (it never is), but it was as good as I could hope for. And everyone said I looked confident. Imagine all that I went through to "look" confident. Shoot, man, I was the least confident performer in the history of ever. But I did it. There's a big ol' victory in my life.
-------------------------------------------------
Today, I've had "Thick as a Brick" stuck in my head all day. What a delightful song. So catchy, so pretty. Maybe I'll make that one of my songs. I have a lot of songs. They include "The Ash Grove" (aka "A Song of Thanksgiving" as well as other titles), "Rugged Ash" from DDR, "Buffalo Soldier" by Bob Marley (that might be the wrong title. Or even the wrong performer. But you know what song I'm talkin about), all of which are obvious why they are my songs.
Then there's the songs I could have (and have) listened to for whole days, songs like "Norweigan Wood" by the Beatles, "Firedance" from Riverdance, "Walk Like an Egyptian" by the Bangels, "Now We Are Free" from the Gladiator soundtrack, "Alexander the Great" by Bond, "Cossak Dance" by Tchaikovsky, "Feelin' Groovy" by Simon and Garfunkel, "Pinball Wizard" by The Who, and Natalie MacMaster's "The Drunken Piper," Cristina Crawlay/Kerstein Blodig's "Sovay," and Susan McKeown and the Chanting House's "Jericho" (some songs on the awesome Celtic CD). These aren't by any means the best pieces of music out there, but they certainly are fun to listen to. Some of my favorites, in fact. My songs.
--------------------------
People should stop complaining. That's all I hear anymore, "I hate this" or "I hate that" or "This person should die" or "My life sucks" or something to the extent of "Please pity me." Everyone's all negative and stuff. C'mon guys, it's not that bad. Would you rather live in a life where you're not even allowed to say these things? Where you don't know where your next meal is coming from? Where you have no choices or opportunities?
One of the most popular complaints as we come to a close of the school year is the "I hate school" complaint. I've heard this from several people, so if you have said it, it's not just you. Let me tell you something. Free education is a gift. If you can't do anything else in life, at least you can go to school. Many places don't even have that! Stop for a second, and look at what you have. Be grateful for it. Who knows, someday you might not even have it anymore. Then won't you be kicking yourself for complaining, when you should've been thanking.
It's like if someone gives you a candy bar and you shove it in their face, screaming "I hate candy!"
Sorry that post was kinda cruel. But it was getting on my nerves. I'll try not to be a hypocrite, too. I tend to do that a lot.
Shoot, I have homework to do! Spending all my time on the computer...grumble mumble...
Saturday, April 24, 2004
Friday, April 23, 2004
It's 11:00 at night and I just practiced for two hours! Yaaay!!!
I get to go to orchestra rehearsal tomorrow and it's about an hour and a half away! And I won't be able to do anything else during the day!! Yaaay!
I went out to dinner with my parents tonight!! Yay!!!
Man Emmauel Pahud is the man.
If Ron Norris was a knight, his name would be a paledrome.
Sir Ron Norris. sirronorris.
Albert told me that. Actually he told Katie and Katie told me that he told her that.
Eh?
I get to go to orchestra rehearsal tomorrow and it's about an hour and a half away! And I won't be able to do anything else during the day!! Yaaay!
I went out to dinner with my parents tonight!! Yay!!!
Man Emmauel Pahud is the man.
If Ron Norris was a knight, his name would be a paledrome.
Sir Ron Norris. sirronorris.
Albert told me that. Actually he told Katie and Katie told me that he told her that.
Eh?
You've been dreaming about being in this orchestra for a long time. Finally, an audition comes and.....you get the position! You've gotten into a major orchestra, the orchestra of your dreams. You're so excited that you run around the block three times in a row when you hear the news.
Once there, you try your hardest to deserve the position that you got. You practice all the time, pay attention to every little detail. You think you sound wonderful, and the orchestra sounds wonderful, and you couldn't be happier. In reality, you might've been a little biased; maybe you don't sound quite as good as you think you do. Maybe the orchestra doesn't either. Still, you put all your time and effort into it, and you are having the time of you life, and that counts more than anything.
Suddenly, one day, without warning, you are fired from the orchestra. "Why?" you ask "I put my heart and soul into this orchestra, spent all my time working for it, made dear friends from it! I love it! Why are you doing this?" They say that they are sorry, but they have found someone better than you.
That's what it's like.
Once there, you try your hardest to deserve the position that you got. You practice all the time, pay attention to every little detail. You think you sound wonderful, and the orchestra sounds wonderful, and you couldn't be happier. In reality, you might've been a little biased; maybe you don't sound quite as good as you think you do. Maybe the orchestra doesn't either. Still, you put all your time and effort into it, and you are having the time of you life, and that counts more than anything.
Suddenly, one day, without warning, you are fired from the orchestra. "Why?" you ask "I put my heart and soul into this orchestra, spent all my time working for it, made dear friends from it! I love it! Why are you doing this?" They say that they are sorry, but they have found someone better than you.
That's what it's like.
Today was a very good day and I am happy. But I will not be happy in about an hour.
Duude, Pirates is so dang cool! Well, it wouldn't be if I didn't love the movie so much. But seriously, I was smiling the whole time we were playing that, just because playing music like that is a wonderful treat for me. It's one of the small things that made today so awesome.
Plus in English today I beat three other people (males I may add) at Scrabble, and I opened a coke bottle that the three of them couldn't open. I got some applause for that. Maybe I do have superpowers. Wow that would be so awesome if I did.
My oh my I'm turning into Ashley again. Thank the Lord!
Hey if anyone wants to see me make a fool of myself, go to the Eastminster Presbyterian Church in Indiatlantic at three o'clock on Sunday. Foo. There's been two more articles about it in the newspaper. There's one there today in the FL Today. It's in the Life section. You know, I'm starting to think that the only reason I won that competition is because I can play really loud. Oh well. Not my problem. Actually I guess it is. Oh well.
Duude, Pirates is so dang cool! Well, it wouldn't be if I didn't love the movie so much. But seriously, I was smiling the whole time we were playing that, just because playing music like that is a wonderful treat for me. It's one of the small things that made today so awesome.
Plus in English today I beat three other people (males I may add) at Scrabble, and I opened a coke bottle that the three of them couldn't open. I got some applause for that. Maybe I do have superpowers. Wow that would be so awesome if I did.
My oh my I'm turning into Ashley again. Thank the Lord!
Hey if anyone wants to see me make a fool of myself, go to the Eastminster Presbyterian Church in Indiatlantic at three o'clock on Sunday. Foo. There's been two more articles about it in the newspaper. There's one there today in the FL Today. It's in the Life section. You know, I'm starting to think that the only reason I won that competition is because I can play really loud. Oh well. Not my problem. Actually I guess it is. Oh well.
Thursday, April 22, 2004
CD's galore! A new shipment of CD's I ordered came in. They make me so happy. I'm gleeful.
-Rainbow Body (Rainbow Body, Barber, Appalacian Spring, blue cathedral)
-The Last Samurai soundtrack (Hans Zimmer)
-Romance of the Violin (Joshua Bell)
-Ibert & Khachaturian flute concertos (Emmanuel Pahud)
-Our American Journey (Canticleer)
-Hot Swing Trio (Mark O'Conner and friends)
-Jethro Tull best of CD!!!
"You all know the story of Romeo and Juliet...some people got dead..."
-Dr. Leclair (sp?)
It makes me mad when people put down someone I truly repsect, someone I look up to. I really wish they wouldn't do that.
When I was ordering CDs, my last choice was between a Brazilian Yo-Yo Ma CD or the swing trio. I couldn't decide, so I asked my dad "Los Vagas or Brazil?" and he said "Las Vagas. Better stay in America." So I got the swing trio.
Jethro Tull is so dang awesome.
Which CD should I listen to first? Oh the choices...
-Rainbow Body (Rainbow Body, Barber, Appalacian Spring, blue cathedral)
-The Last Samurai soundtrack (Hans Zimmer)
-Romance of the Violin (Joshua Bell)
-Ibert & Khachaturian flute concertos (Emmanuel Pahud)
-Our American Journey (Canticleer)
-Hot Swing Trio (Mark O'Conner and friends)
-Jethro Tull best of CD!!!
"You all know the story of Romeo and Juliet...some people got dead..."
-Dr. Leclair (sp?)
It makes me mad when people put down someone I truly repsect, someone I look up to. I really wish they wouldn't do that.
When I was ordering CDs, my last choice was between a Brazilian Yo-Yo Ma CD or the swing trio. I couldn't decide, so I asked my dad "Los Vagas or Brazil?" and he said "Las Vagas. Better stay in America." So I got the swing trio.
Jethro Tull is so dang awesome.
Which CD should I listen to first? Oh the choices...
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
What book should I read next: Madame Bovary (Flaubert) or The Sound and the Fury (Faulkner)? I just went to the library, actually searching for The Great Gatsby, unsuccessfully I may add, and I found these two and couldn't decide, so I checked out both. As a side note, Madame Bovary has a few pictures in it and they were illustrated by Ben Stahl. He must be one cool guy.
When someone asks me how I am, they may as well be asking "Would you rather say the word good or fine?"
I'm looking through you
Where did you go?
I thought I knew you
What did I know?
You don't look different
but you have changed
I'm looking through you
You're not the same!
-The Bittles "I'm Looking Through You"
When someone asks me how I am, they may as well be asking "Would you rather say the word good or fine?"
I'm looking through you
Where did you go?
I thought I knew you
What did I know?
You don't look different
but you have changed
I'm looking through you
You're not the same!
-The Bittles "I'm Looking Through You"
Monday, April 19, 2004
Monday, the day of writing in blogger!
Today's topic is making new friends.
It's so hard to make new friends at this point in the road of life. Everyone has their set of friends already. You could meet someone in a class who is totally compatible with you, and you guys could be the best of friends, and you talk all the time, but your friendship will never leave the four walls of the classroom. Why? Because "your friends" couldn't possibly accept "his/her friends" and (s)he couldn't possibly become a part of "your group," after all, nobody knows him/her except you! The only way that I see people making new friends or becoming part of a "new group" nowadays is by being a boyfriend or girlfriend of someone in that group. Then, if things happen the right way, the two groups of friends sort of merge. But many times not even that happens. I've known many a person to completely abandon old friends to spend all their time with their boyfriend/girlfriend and "their group." COMPLETELY ABANDON.
It's sad, really, how hard it is to get someone who you've never done anything with before to say "Do you want to come with me?" Or, on the other hand, how hard it is to say that to them. After all, you can't just say "Hey what are you doing this weekend" and then when they tell you, you ask "Can I come?"
In elementary school it was no problem at all. I had different people over at my house every day, and many of them didn't know each other (that's really not true. I never had a whole lot of friends until I hit high school. But it still was a diverse little group of people.) I guess what I'm trying to say is that making new friends is hard. Everyone seems to have their own little group set already and you won't be invited in unless you have connections. And that makes me sad.
Don't get me wrong: I'm very thankful for the friends I have; I am merely commenting on something I have observed, something that bothers me. Yes, it may apply to me, just as much as anyone else in the school. But I'm not trying to change my "group of friends" or anything. Really. Why would I?
Today's topic is making new friends.
It's so hard to make new friends at this point in the road of life. Everyone has their set of friends already. You could meet someone in a class who is totally compatible with you, and you guys could be the best of friends, and you talk all the time, but your friendship will never leave the four walls of the classroom. Why? Because "your friends" couldn't possibly accept "his/her friends" and (s)he couldn't possibly become a part of "your group," after all, nobody knows him/her except you! The only way that I see people making new friends or becoming part of a "new group" nowadays is by being a boyfriend or girlfriend of someone in that group. Then, if things happen the right way, the two groups of friends sort of merge. But many times not even that happens. I've known many a person to completely abandon old friends to spend all their time with their boyfriend/girlfriend and "their group." COMPLETELY ABANDON.
It's sad, really, how hard it is to get someone who you've never done anything with before to say "Do you want to come with me?" Or, on the other hand, how hard it is to say that to them. After all, you can't just say "Hey what are you doing this weekend" and then when they tell you, you ask "Can I come?"
In elementary school it was no problem at all. I had different people over at my house every day, and many of them didn't know each other (that's really not true. I never had a whole lot of friends until I hit high school. But it still was a diverse little group of people.) I guess what I'm trying to say is that making new friends is hard. Everyone seems to have their own little group set already and you won't be invited in unless you have connections. And that makes me sad.
Don't get me wrong: I'm very thankful for the friends I have; I am merely commenting on something I have observed, something that bothers me. Yes, it may apply to me, just as much as anyone else in the school. But I'm not trying to change my "group of friends" or anything. Really. Why would I?
I sometimes wish I was a more open person. There's so much I want to say--always--but I don't because it would hurt me and maybe others. I might sound silly, or mean, or immature, or self-piying, or stupid, or a number of other bad things. I say this blog is for myself, but it is most clearly not (That's quite allright though). The censorship I give to this may very well hurt me in the long run. Sometimes I almost break down and just say these things, out loud or in writing. But then I think about it for a moment and I don't. What's the point? My words aren't going to change anybody. But others say these things, why can't I? I don't know why. I just can't.
Many negative thoughts, hiding in the dark side of my brain, that never reach the ears or eyes of others. That are never acted uopn. It doesn't feel natural. Should I be thinking these things at all?
Many negative thoughts, hiding in the dark side of my brain, that never reach the ears or eyes of others. That are never acted uopn. It doesn't feel natural. Should I be thinking these things at all?
It's been a great Monday, to be sure.
Poor Morris, always being mocked and such. Well, Mr. Schwindt was nice enough to stop mocking him. Kind ol Mr. Schwindt.
Man I should go to sleep early every day. Oh and I've figured out the secret to going to sleep:
1) Use up all your energy during the day, through exercising or staying up really late
2) Don't take naps during the day or get too much sleep (yes, that is possible)
3) (most important) Don't ingest any dang sugar or caffinee at least 3 hours before you go to bed. This WILL keep you up all night. This includes food/drinks with a high level of sugar.
So there ya have it. You want sleep, follow these three simple rules. It would also help to not have a lot on your mind, but you can't really help that, can you?
If you were a circus performer, what would you be? I would be a tightrope walker.
For all those not attending prom (too young, no date, yadda yadda): party at my house May 1
I've suddenly become happy again. Many stresses have been lifted off me, and I've gotten more sleep. It feels good to be happy. This is the way it should be.
I've got nothing interesting today. Call back tomorrow.
Poor Morris, always being mocked and such. Well, Mr. Schwindt was nice enough to stop mocking him. Kind ol Mr. Schwindt.
Man I should go to sleep early every day. Oh and I've figured out the secret to going to sleep:
1) Use up all your energy during the day, through exercising or staying up really late
2) Don't take naps during the day or get too much sleep (yes, that is possible)
3) (most important) Don't ingest any dang sugar or caffinee at least 3 hours before you go to bed. This WILL keep you up all night. This includes food/drinks with a high level of sugar.
So there ya have it. You want sleep, follow these three simple rules. It would also help to not have a lot on your mind, but you can't really help that, can you?
If you were a circus performer, what would you be? I would be a tightrope walker.
For all those not attending prom (too young, no date, yadda yadda): party at my house May 1
I've suddenly become happy again. Many stresses have been lifted off me, and I've gotten more sleep. It feels good to be happy. This is the way it should be.
I've got nothing interesting today. Call back tomorrow.
Saturday, April 17, 2004
Wow, this was a truly blessed day, and I'll tell you why. I woke up at 6:05 to meet at school at 7:30 and compete in a math competition in Viera. While eating breakfast I watched a bunch of old 70's cartoons playing on cartoon network. One of them was called "The Chan Clan" and it was about a Japanese family with about 15 kids who all get together to solve mysteries. Along with being a typical 70's show, I just thought the whole concept of that was funny.
And so I headed off to THS. It is true that if I get enough sleep (which I better have gotten-I went to sleep at 9:00 the previous night), I am indeed a morning person. After all, I get up and go to school earlier than that every day. I should be used to it. So when everyone was nodding off to sleep on the bus, I was awake and alert.
None of our teams placed at the competition, but it really was a lot of fun. I had a great time, as crazy as it might sound. I laughed a lot and, on the way home, listened to the most gossip I've ever heard in my life.
After that I came home and made some lunch and read a little, The Screwtape Letters (CS Lewis). I can't say enough about that book; it is so clever. It has an original point of view, teaches about much, entertains, and makes me laugh at times. I wish I read it earlier than now, because I really could've used something like that in a "trough."
Anywho, after that I took a loong bike ride, going slowly, taking pleasure in the warmth of the sun, and basically enjoying myself. The weather was perfect for a bike ride: not too hot but not too cold. Very comfortable. I didn't always go slowly though. It's a favorite phrase of my parents that whenever I go on bike rides, I go "zoom zoom." The equivalent of sprinting on bike. It feels so great to go fast, it really does. Makes me feel like I'm free. And the wind against your face, the houses flying by...there's just no beating that.
I also rode to my grandparent's house, whch is about a mile from my house, and talked to them a little. They are so great: always ready to love you.
When I got home, I did a little more exercising to walk off the natural exhausion after a bike ride. I read a little more (wouldn't you know I wouldn't be able keep my nose out of that book) and then called my parents.
After that, I practiced for about two hours. It was one of those practices where you feel like you get so much done (but I didn't even get to everything I wanted to!) I moved the metrenome markings for everything up a great deal, and my tone sounded 100% better at the end of the practice compared to the beginnning. I'm glad I have my good flute and picc back. They make the world sound a lot better. Plus Donjon etudes are pretty dang fun.
After that, I headed over to Subway to catch me some dinner. Went home, ate sub while reading yet more of the book. Kept reading for a while, then took a shower. I was pretty smelly from all that stuff I did today.
Blogger was calling me, so now here I am. It's been a great day, mostly devoted to myself. The physical, social, mental, and spiritual well-being of myself, that is. I've got the house all to myself, I can hear the crickets chirping outside, and my belly is full. I feel refreshed, relaxed, rested, and healthy. If only this could last forever. Sometimes I just need a break from the world...for me it was today.
I'm going to bed early tonight so I can get enough sleep to pay full attention in church and get the most out of it. Tomorrow will be filled with cleaning the house, a three hour AP test, practicing like there's no tomorrow, and studying galore. And it will be a blessing to do all of it.
Never underestimate the power of choice. Had my choices been different today, I would not currently feel so refreshed. Make the right choices, pay the consequences.
And so I headed off to THS. It is true that if I get enough sleep (which I better have gotten-I went to sleep at 9:00 the previous night), I am indeed a morning person. After all, I get up and go to school earlier than that every day. I should be used to it. So when everyone was nodding off to sleep on the bus, I was awake and alert.
None of our teams placed at the competition, but it really was a lot of fun. I had a great time, as crazy as it might sound. I laughed a lot and, on the way home, listened to the most gossip I've ever heard in my life.
After that I came home and made some lunch and read a little, The Screwtape Letters (CS Lewis). I can't say enough about that book; it is so clever. It has an original point of view, teaches about much, entertains, and makes me laugh at times. I wish I read it earlier than now, because I really could've used something like that in a "trough."
Anywho, after that I took a loong bike ride, going slowly, taking pleasure in the warmth of the sun, and basically enjoying myself. The weather was perfect for a bike ride: not too hot but not too cold. Very comfortable. I didn't always go slowly though. It's a favorite phrase of my parents that whenever I go on bike rides, I go "zoom zoom." The equivalent of sprinting on bike. It feels so great to go fast, it really does. Makes me feel like I'm free. And the wind against your face, the houses flying by...there's just no beating that.
I also rode to my grandparent's house, whch is about a mile from my house, and talked to them a little. They are so great: always ready to love you.
When I got home, I did a little more exercising to walk off the natural exhausion after a bike ride. I read a little more (wouldn't you know I wouldn't be able keep my nose out of that book) and then called my parents.
After that, I practiced for about two hours. It was one of those practices where you feel like you get so much done (but I didn't even get to everything I wanted to!) I moved the metrenome markings for everything up a great deal, and my tone sounded 100% better at the end of the practice compared to the beginnning. I'm glad I have my good flute and picc back. They make the world sound a lot better. Plus Donjon etudes are pretty dang fun.
After that, I headed over to Subway to catch me some dinner. Went home, ate sub while reading yet more of the book. Kept reading for a while, then took a shower. I was pretty smelly from all that stuff I did today.
Blogger was calling me, so now here I am. It's been a great day, mostly devoted to myself. The physical, social, mental, and spiritual well-being of myself, that is. I've got the house all to myself, I can hear the crickets chirping outside, and my belly is full. I feel refreshed, relaxed, rested, and healthy. If only this could last forever. Sometimes I just need a break from the world...for me it was today.
I'm going to bed early tonight so I can get enough sleep to pay full attention in church and get the most out of it. Tomorrow will be filled with cleaning the house, a three hour AP test, practicing like there's no tomorrow, and studying galore. And it will be a blessing to do all of it.
Never underestimate the power of choice. Had my choices been different today, I would not currently feel so refreshed. Make the right choices, pay the consequences.
Friday, April 16, 2004
You know somethings wrong when you start saying things like "It's like the whipped topping of the day."
I am becoming increasingly reluctant to touch the frame of my car. It shocks me almost every time I do, and I've learned to touch it as little as possible. Lots of times you have to touch it, though, like when you open the doors. But I always go reeeaally slowly to maybe get a little bit of the charge out so it doesn't hurt so much. I wonder if there's a name for that fear, the fear of touching cars.
I am becoming increasingly reluctant to touch the frame of my car. It shocks me almost every time I do, and I've learned to touch it as little as possible. Lots of times you have to touch it, though, like when you open the doors. But I always go reeeaally slowly to maybe get a little bit of the charge out so it doesn't hurt so much. I wonder if there's a name for that fear, the fear of touching cars.
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
I just finished Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. I love reading stories about undying love...it takes me into a world which I have never been before. Two other books like this that I have read are The Hunchback of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo and Wuthering Heights by Charlotte (or was it Emily? I don't quite remember) Bronte. Great reads, all three are among my favorites. Yet don't be fooled; Great Expectations is much more than a romance novel. I'll leave it up to you to decide after you read it. But the ending caused me to silently place the book down and meditate in wonder of everything I had read.
And since I know that nobody will take my advice and actually read it, here are some
Lovely quotes from Great Expectations
A fool's love
"The truth is, that when I loved Estella with the love of a man, I loved her simply because I found her irresistable. Once for all; I knew to my sorrow, often and often, if not always, that I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be. Once for all; I loved her none the less because I knew it, and it had no more influence in restraining me, than if I had devoutly believed her to be human perfection" (page 224-225)
Insanity
"If I had been her secretary, stewart, half-brother, poor relation--if I had been the youger brother of the appointed husband--I could not have seemed to myself further from my hopes when I was nearest to her. The privelage of calling her by her name and hearing her call me by mine, became under the circumstances an aggravation of my trials; and while I think that it almost maddened her other lovers, I know too certainly that it almost maddened me." (page 289-290)
Is this love?
"I never had one hour's happiness in her society, and yet my mind all round the four-and-twenty hours was harping on the happiness of having her with me unto death" (page 290)
Someone say this to me
"Out of my thoughts! You are a part of my existance, part of myself. You have been in every line I have ever read, since I first came here, the rough common boy whose poor heart you wounded even then. You have been in every prospect I have ever seen since-on the river, on the sails of ships, on the marshes, in the clouds, in the lights, in the darkness, in the wind, in the woods, in the sea, in the streets. You have been the embodiment of every graceful fancy that my mind has ever been aquainted with. The stones of which the strongest London buildings are made, are not real, or more impossible to be displaced by your hands, than your presence and influence have been to me, there and everywhere, and will be. Estella, to the last hour of my life, you cannot choose but to remain part of my character, part of the little good in me, part of the evil. But, in this separation, I associate you only with the good, and I will faithfully hold to that always, for you have done me far more good than harm, let me feel now what sharp distress I may. O God bless you, God forgive you!" (page 347)
Jerk
"Biddy, I think you once liked me well, when my errant heart, even while it strayed away from you, was quieter and better with you than it has ever been since. If you can like me only half as well once more, if you can take me with all my faults and disappointments on my head, if you can recieve me like a forgiven child (and indeed I am sorry, Biddy, and have as much need for a hushing voice and a soothing hand), I hope I am a little worthier to you than I was-not much, but a little...And now, dear Biddy, if you can tell me that you will go through the world with me, you will surely make it a better world for me, and me a better man for it, and I will try hard to make it a better world for you." (page 446)
This sounds oddly familiar
"I took her hand in mine, and we went out of the ruined place; and, as the morning mists had risen long ago when I first left the forge, so, the evening mists were rising now, and in all the broad expanse of tranquil light they showed to me, I saw no shadow of another parting from her." (page 457, ending sentence)
Shut up, Ashley
And since I know that nobody will take my advice and actually read it, here are some
Lovely quotes from Great Expectations
A fool's love
"The truth is, that when I loved Estella with the love of a man, I loved her simply because I found her irresistable. Once for all; I knew to my sorrow, often and often, if not always, that I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be. Once for all; I loved her none the less because I knew it, and it had no more influence in restraining me, than if I had devoutly believed her to be human perfection" (page 224-225)
Insanity
"If I had been her secretary, stewart, half-brother, poor relation--if I had been the youger brother of the appointed husband--I could not have seemed to myself further from my hopes when I was nearest to her. The privelage of calling her by her name and hearing her call me by mine, became under the circumstances an aggravation of my trials; and while I think that it almost maddened her other lovers, I know too certainly that it almost maddened me." (page 289-290)
Is this love?
"I never had one hour's happiness in her society, and yet my mind all round the four-and-twenty hours was harping on the happiness of having her with me unto death" (page 290)
Someone say this to me
"Out of my thoughts! You are a part of my existance, part of myself. You have been in every line I have ever read, since I first came here, the rough common boy whose poor heart you wounded even then. You have been in every prospect I have ever seen since-on the river, on the sails of ships, on the marshes, in the clouds, in the lights, in the darkness, in the wind, in the woods, in the sea, in the streets. You have been the embodiment of every graceful fancy that my mind has ever been aquainted with. The stones of which the strongest London buildings are made, are not real, or more impossible to be displaced by your hands, than your presence and influence have been to me, there and everywhere, and will be. Estella, to the last hour of my life, you cannot choose but to remain part of my character, part of the little good in me, part of the evil. But, in this separation, I associate you only with the good, and I will faithfully hold to that always, for you have done me far more good than harm, let me feel now what sharp distress I may. O God bless you, God forgive you!" (page 347)
Jerk
"Biddy, I think you once liked me well, when my errant heart, even while it strayed away from you, was quieter and better with you than it has ever been since. If you can like me only half as well once more, if you can take me with all my faults and disappointments on my head, if you can recieve me like a forgiven child (and indeed I am sorry, Biddy, and have as much need for a hushing voice and a soothing hand), I hope I am a little worthier to you than I was-not much, but a little...And now, dear Biddy, if you can tell me that you will go through the world with me, you will surely make it a better world for me, and me a better man for it, and I will try hard to make it a better world for you." (page 446)
This sounds oddly familiar
"I took her hand in mine, and we went out of the ruined place; and, as the morning mists had risen long ago when I first left the forge, so, the evening mists were rising now, and in all the broad expanse of tranquil light they showed to me, I saw no shadow of another parting from her." (page 457, ending sentence)
Shut up, Ashley
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
I told you all today that my parents decided that Interlochen was too much money, and that I couldn't go, and that I was going to go to the two-week flute workshop at Tanglewood. My mom pulled a fast one on me: she doubted her decision so much that she came home at lunch to get the rejection stuff out of the mailbox. She filled it out and changed it to admission and brought it to her work, ready to be faxed. I think it hurt her much more than it hurt me to not let me go. She left a note to call her as soon as I got home today, and I did. She asked me if I really still wanted to go to Interlochen. I had to disconnect and meditate upon my decision. I had to decide within the next 15 minutes. You may be thinking "man what an easy decision, a two week flute workshop filled with boring masterclasses and lessons or six weeks at the most prestigious camp around." But the decision is not so easy. Here's what would happen if I went to Interlochen:
-I would not be able to be drum major next year (oh boo hoo I'm so sad)
-I would not be able to attend the national flute convention in Nashville
-I would have to reject my opportunity to play in the flute chior at the convention (if I made it)
-I would not be able to compete in the principle round at FYAO. Thus depending on FSYO and their incompetent auditioners for a youth orch next year
-I would miss the first week of school next year
-I would miss all of marching band camp
-I would cost my parents more money than I have ever costed them before
-I would have to fly alone for the very first time
-I would not know a soul in the whole dang camp and probably have serious lonliness problems (though this is true of Tanglewood also, Tanglewood is only for two weeks instead of the eight of Interlochen.)
-I would miss my cousin, TJ's, wedding and a trip to my hometown, Buffalo, which I absolutely loove to visit
-I would not be able to go to the band trip next year, or get a new flute in about 4674324890532 years
-I would have to get a job when I got back. Yes. A job.
So as you can see, I would have to give up a lot. It would be so much easier to take all that away and go to Tanglewood. So much easier.
The decision nearly killed me. I almost wish that my mom had not gone back and revived hope in Interlochen. Because I had accepted the fact that I couldn't go, my brain had looked at it in a bit of a different perspective than before. I felt so confused, I didn't know what I wanted to do anymore. I really didn't. But you realize that going to Interlochen has ever been a dream of mine...and so I called up my mom, and said yes to Interlochen. She kept asking me if I was sure, and listing the things I listed. To be sure, she was just as confused as I was. But I was strong. "Send the papers," I said. And my mom faxed the papers. I think it was what Will said to me about Interlochen that put me over the top..."It is the best thing I have done. I would go to it under any circumstances."
I'm going to Interlochen!!
Ahhh, the feeling of putting my parents into debt...there's nothing like it...
-I would not be able to be drum major next year (oh boo hoo I'm so sad)
-I would not be able to attend the national flute convention in Nashville
-I would have to reject my opportunity to play in the flute chior at the convention (if I made it)
-I would not be able to compete in the principle round at FYAO. Thus depending on FSYO and their incompetent auditioners for a youth orch next year
-I would miss the first week of school next year
-I would miss all of marching band camp
-I would cost my parents more money than I have ever costed them before
-I would have to fly alone for the very first time
-I would not know a soul in the whole dang camp and probably have serious lonliness problems (though this is true of Tanglewood also, Tanglewood is only for two weeks instead of the eight of Interlochen.)
-I would miss my cousin, TJ's, wedding and a trip to my hometown, Buffalo, which I absolutely loove to visit
-I would not be able to go to the band trip next year, or get a new flute in about 4674324890532 years
-I would have to get a job when I got back. Yes. A job.
So as you can see, I would have to give up a lot. It would be so much easier to take all that away and go to Tanglewood. So much easier.
The decision nearly killed me. I almost wish that my mom had not gone back and revived hope in Interlochen. Because I had accepted the fact that I couldn't go, my brain had looked at it in a bit of a different perspective than before. I felt so confused, I didn't know what I wanted to do anymore. I really didn't. But you realize that going to Interlochen has ever been a dream of mine...and so I called up my mom, and said yes to Interlochen. She kept asking me if I was sure, and listing the things I listed. To be sure, she was just as confused as I was. But I was strong. "Send the papers," I said. And my mom faxed the papers. I think it was what Will said to me about Interlochen that put me over the top..."It is the best thing I have done. I would go to it under any circumstances."
I'm going to Interlochen!!
Ahhh, the feeling of putting my parents into debt...there's nothing like it...
Monday, April 12, 2004
I reach the top of the mountain, alone. I look around me and nobody is there. I scream at the top of my lungs "Can anyone hear me?" and listen to my own voice echo the phrase back. I cry and somehow wish that I never worked so hard to get there. There is no joy in reaching the top anymore. It has taken too many lives, the cost is much too high. I see the beauty around me, but I cannot appreciate it. I cannot be grateful for it. I cannot relish in it. For if nobody will help me, I have no way to get back down. I used all my strength to climb up. I will surely die on the top of that mountain, alone and miserable. All that there is left to do is pray, pray for help from above, that the mountain may not be the place of my death. And I hopelessly start crawling down, ever slowly, for what is the point of trying when there is no hope?
"Can anyone hear me?"
-------------------------------------------
The problem with being a perfectionist is that nothing is ever good enough.
"Can anyone hear me?"
-------------------------------------------
The problem with being a perfectionist is that nothing is ever good enough.
Sunday, April 11, 2004
Why do you look for the living
among the dead?
He is not here,
He has been raised
to new life!
Alleluia, alleluia!
This Easter I felt it more than ever before: the overwhelming joy that Jesus has been raised from the dead!
But some people sadden me. It is so easy to accept the heavenly gift that Jesus has made for us, and yet some people consiously turn it away! I weep for him who hears and refuses to believe. Please, please, accept the gift, and live! It is never too late.
among the dead?
He is not here,
He has been raised
to new life!
Alleluia, alleluia!
This Easter I felt it more than ever before: the overwhelming joy that Jesus has been raised from the dead!
But some people sadden me. It is so easy to accept the heavenly gift that Jesus has made for us, and yet some people consiously turn it away! I weep for him who hears and refuses to believe. Please, please, accept the gift, and live! It is never too late.
Saturday, April 10, 2004
I had a dream last night that it was the Friday before prom and everyone went to school dressed in their prom dresses, and everyone was wearing one but me. I had on normal school clothes, because I still hadn't gotten a dress yet.
You know, prom is in a couple weeks. I had no dress, I have no date, and I'm going to have to pay around $40 for a limo I don't even want to use. Maybe I should just not go. After all, I am only a junior and it is mainly a senior prom, and from what I hear from people, it ruins it if you go as a junior. Would you guys be offended if I decided not to go? Because if I didn't find a date, I KNOW I would feel out of place with some 5 or so other couples. Maybe I could just meet you guys at Rebecca's afterwards? Dances are kinda fun, in a way, but I don't think it's worth it to waste all the money that I would waste if I didn't have a date or a dress. I love you guys and would love to spend a night with you. But I somehow think I'd be a tag along if I went. Opinions wanted.
You know, prom is in a couple weeks. I had no dress, I have no date, and I'm going to have to pay around $40 for a limo I don't even want to use. Maybe I should just not go. After all, I am only a junior and it is mainly a senior prom, and from what I hear from people, it ruins it if you go as a junior. Would you guys be offended if I decided not to go? Because if I didn't find a date, I KNOW I would feel out of place with some 5 or so other couples. Maybe I could just meet you guys at Rebecca's afterwards? Dances are kinda fun, in a way, but I don't think it's worth it to waste all the money that I would waste if I didn't have a date or a dress. I love you guys and would love to spend a night with you. But I somehow think I'd be a tag along if I went. Opinions wanted.
Friday, April 09, 2004
Thursday, April 08, 2004
This essay is just too bad to go unmadefunof.
Essay SSS
Abraham Lincoln did many different things in his time. In this passage, it mostly tells of what Lincoln thought about slavery and the Civil War. This is just Lincoln's opinion because everyone has their own opinions about slavery and the Civil War. Lincoln is giving a speech to his people so that people will know what he thinks about slavery and the war. Lincoln just wants to express his feelings on these issues.
Lincoln begins his speech talking about the issue of the Civil War. Most people did not want a war and tried everything that they could not to start one. What was this war for? People wanted to have their Union without war but with negotiation. Both of the parties did not go straight into war but eventually would because there would not just be no war and letting the nation survive. Lincoln's tone and attitude about the Civil War seems to be that he really does not want to have war but since there is going to be one he will have people fight in it to save the Union and the nation. Why was war fixing to start up? In Lincoln's time, one-eighth of the population was colored people. Therefore slavery was a major issue back then. People who were slaves knew they had something to do with the war. Slaves were not distributed all over the Union, though, they were only distibuted in the South. Both parties who wanted to have war were only thinking of themselves though. They did not think that slaves were like them at all. Slaves read the Bible and prayed to the same God just like they did. This was overlooked becase they just wanted slaves to be distributed everywhere not just in the South. Slaves did not have equal rights like white people did. They really did not have say in what happened to them. Not only were slaves distributed in the South but they probably were free too, but still slaves. The North did not like this at all, so this led to another reason for war. All Lincoln is trying to explain to people is that slaves are the same type of people as the North. The only thing different is that they are colored. Lincoln wants slaves to be treated as normal people. He really does not see the point in getting a war started over slaves being distributed everywhere and not having rights. Lincoln thinks that there should be a war over slave being free and treated like white men.
Lincoln disagrees with all the reasons for wanting to have a civil war. So what is the point he is trying to get across about slavery and civil war? Lincoln wants people to put themselves in slaves shoes, see how it feels to be them and the reason for war. Slaves should be treated equal and these two parties should have never went to war over slaves.
Oh man.
Essay SSS
Abraham Lincoln did many different things in his time. In this passage, it mostly tells of what Lincoln thought about slavery and the Civil War. This is just Lincoln's opinion because everyone has their own opinions about slavery and the Civil War. Lincoln is giving a speech to his people so that people will know what he thinks about slavery and the war. Lincoln just wants to express his feelings on these issues.
Lincoln begins his speech talking about the issue of the Civil War. Most people did not want a war and tried everything that they could not to start one. What was this war for? People wanted to have their Union without war but with negotiation. Both of the parties did not go straight into war but eventually would because there would not just be no war and letting the nation survive. Lincoln's tone and attitude about the Civil War seems to be that he really does not want to have war but since there is going to be one he will have people fight in it to save the Union and the nation. Why was war fixing to start up? In Lincoln's time, one-eighth of the population was colored people. Therefore slavery was a major issue back then. People who were slaves knew they had something to do with the war. Slaves were not distributed all over the Union, though, they were only distibuted in the South. Both parties who wanted to have war were only thinking of themselves though. They did not think that slaves were like them at all. Slaves read the Bible and prayed to the same God just like they did. This was overlooked becase they just wanted slaves to be distributed everywhere not just in the South. Slaves did not have equal rights like white people did. They really did not have say in what happened to them. Not only were slaves distributed in the South but they probably were free too, but still slaves. The North did not like this at all, so this led to another reason for war. All Lincoln is trying to explain to people is that slaves are the same type of people as the North. The only thing different is that they are colored. Lincoln wants slaves to be treated as normal people. He really does not see the point in getting a war started over slaves being distributed everywhere and not having rights. Lincoln thinks that there should be a war over slave being free and treated like white men.
Lincoln disagrees with all the reasons for wanting to have a civil war. So what is the point he is trying to get across about slavery and civil war? Lincoln wants people to put themselves in slaves shoes, see how it feels to be them and the reason for war. Slaves should be treated equal and these two parties should have never went to war over slaves.
Oh man.
"In the coffee of religion, there is no half and half."
-Joelle
"Lovebugs? They should be called stupidbugs."
-Erin
"Both of the parties did not go straight into war but eventually they would because there would not just be no war and letting the nation survive."
-Essay SSS, when asked to analyze the rhetorical strategies of Lincoln's second inaugural address.
"When the dawn comes, tonight will be a memory, too"
-Catz
-Joelle
"Lovebugs? They should be called stupidbugs."
-Erin
"Both of the parties did not go straight into war but eventually they would because there would not just be no war and letting the nation survive."
-Essay SSS, when asked to analyze the rhetorical strategies of Lincoln's second inaugural address.
"When the dawn comes, tonight will be a memory, too"
-Catz
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
Janine,
Have the results been mailed out? Is there any way Ashley could be
notified of acceptance? I am sorry to be such a bother but she needs to
mail out a deposit and acceptance to another summer program that she was
accepted into by the end of this week. Tanglewood Institute however is
her first choice. Thank you for your time. Maria Stahl, mother of
Ashley Stahl
Mrs. Stahl,
Thank you for your inquiry and your patience. The decision letters have
been mailed out and you should receive yours this week. If you get into
a time crunch and haven't heard from us, feel free to give a call to
[phone number]. You will want to speak with Chung-Un Seo - she is the
person who coordinates the admissions process for BUTI.
I hope that this is helpful.
Best wishes,
Janine
NO that it not helpful at all. Dang camp.
I had a dream last night that I was listening to an Enya song and it inspired me to do something. I don't remember which song and I don't remember what it inspired me to do. But it felt so good.
You know what's really fun, what made a two hour bus ride seem like five minutes? Playing "would you rather" (aka "what would you prefer" or "what do you like better"). You think of two conflicting things (we took two musical things usually) and say which one you would rather do or which one you would prefer. For example, would you rather listen to a flute choir or a viola choir? Bach or Beethoven? Copeland or Grainger? Beginning or end of Night on Bald Mountain? First or last movement of Peer Gynt Suite? The hardest one I think I had to answer was Holst or Hindemith. I had a lot of trouble with that one. Anyway, I did it with Alyssa and Andrew and sometimes Jeremy or Ben for two hours on the way back from State S and E and it was great. You should try it sometime.
By the way, my two solos got superiors (yay)
Have the results been mailed out? Is there any way Ashley could be
notified of acceptance? I am sorry to be such a bother but she needs to
mail out a deposit and acceptance to another summer program that she was
accepted into by the end of this week. Tanglewood Institute however is
her first choice. Thank you for your time. Maria Stahl, mother of
Ashley Stahl
Mrs. Stahl,
Thank you for your inquiry and your patience. The decision letters have
been mailed out and you should receive yours this week. If you get into
a time crunch and haven't heard from us, feel free to give a call to
[phone number]. You will want to speak with Chung-Un Seo - she is the
person who coordinates the admissions process for BUTI.
I hope that this is helpful.
Best wishes,
Janine
NO that it not helpful at all. Dang camp.
I had a dream last night that I was listening to an Enya song and it inspired me to do something. I don't remember which song and I don't remember what it inspired me to do. But it felt so good.
You know what's really fun, what made a two hour bus ride seem like five minutes? Playing "would you rather" (aka "what would you prefer" or "what do you like better"). You think of two conflicting things (we took two musical things usually) and say which one you would rather do or which one you would prefer. For example, would you rather listen to a flute choir or a viola choir? Bach or Beethoven? Copeland or Grainger? Beginning or end of Night on Bald Mountain? First or last movement of Peer Gynt Suite? The hardest one I think I had to answer was Holst or Hindemith. I had a lot of trouble with that one. Anyway, I did it with Alyssa and Andrew and sometimes Jeremy or Ben for two hours on the way back from State S and E and it was great. You should try it sometime.
By the way, my two solos got superiors (yay)
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
Have you ever just wanted to scream as loud as you could? I want to. If you think about it, there's really no place to do it. Even inside your house all alone the neighbors might hear and be concerned. So here I go:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Make it stop! Make it all stop!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Make it stop! Make it all stop!
Saturday, April 03, 2004
Here's a quiz to calm me down from that stupid camp that won't tell me whether I made it or not. Thanks, Shannon!
1. Who was the last person you met off the internet? I don't know
2. What is the longest you've gone without sleep? Not sure...but the latest I've stayed up till is 7:30. Around 20 hours, maybe?
3. When was the last time you had cookies and milk? Oooh...it's been a while. Good idea, though.
4. Favorite cereal? This has nothing to do with the question, but have you ever noticed that Cap't Cruch never closes his mouth? It freaks me out. Anyway, my favo cereal is...something.
5. One thing you said as a child that got you into trouble? To my mom: "You're a sandbag!"
6. When was the last time you were spanked? a loooooooong time ago
7. Can you burp on command? no
8. Last time you had a burp that rated high on the burp scale? I never could rate high. I went for quantity, not quality. I don't burp too much anymore though.
9. If you were to get plastic surgery on just one part of your body, which would it be? Ummmm, never thought about that...my nose maybe? I would never get plastic surgery though.
10. Favorite sexual position? I'm gonna skip this question
11. If you could be one of the seven dwarfs, which would you be? Bashful. He's so awesome.
12. What would be your one regret if you were to be struck by lightning and die right now? Man I wish I wore that rubber suit today.
14. Favorite commercial? The one where all the grocery mascots are a pack of raving wolves and then Kool Aid breaks through the wall. Oh and the one where petrolium takes over the household and boots out electricty. And then he takes over the fireplace and electricity is like "Does wood know about this?" and wood is sleeping on a chair. It's just a really funny commercial.
15. Did you notice, theres no 13? shut up
16. Who did you last go camping with? my family. And it wasn't really camping, it was Disney camping.
17. Ever met anyone famous? yes, Shaul Ben-Meir, Claudia Anderson, Peter Lloyd, William Bennett, and I have pictures to prove all of them except Shaul
18. Who is your favorite Batman? there's only one batman
19. What was your favorite childhood cartoon? ummmm....I liked so many, it's hard to pick.
20. Have you ever slept in a car (not while the car was moving like a road trip)? yes
21. Ever laid down in the tall grass and done your stuff? I have laid down in tall grass but the next part of the question is a bit too vauge for me to answer properly
22. What kind of undies do you prefer? ones that fit
23. Last place you went on a road trip to? Tallahassee!
22. Favorite Michael Jackson song? the Free Willy theme. Oh and Thriller
23. Who was the first person you kissed? someone stupid!
24. Who was the last person you kissed? someone stupid!
25. Infinity, Caddy, Mercedes, or BMW? I know so little about cars...
26. Favorite SNL sketch? I dont watch it quite enough to have a favorite
27. What was the last thing you wished for? to get that dang camp to send me a letter
28. How expensive were the last pair of shoes you bought? i dont know. Prolly like $20 ir something.
29. Name one thing you've purchased and never used, but keep telling yourself you're gonna? I use everything that I buy. That's why I buy it.
30. Quote a movie: "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return" -Moulin Rouge
31. Favorite PJs? I like all my pjs. So comfy and such.
32. Have you ever gotten a fortune from a fortune cookie that you kept? no. Well, yes, but I lost it.
33. If so, what did it say? Haha, you think I remember?
34. Favorite candy bar? Carmello, maybe.
35. Have you ever traveled outside the USA? Yes, to Canada and the Bahamas.
36. What's a wierd thing that you collect? wrapping paper. Serious.
37. Name an embarassing moment: Coming in two measures early in a concert
38. Who's the funniest person you know? haha good one. Maybe Craig. Or the translator of the DDR instructions.
39. Who's the meanest? Asher and Richard when they are playing risk.
40. Is it possible to have more than one best friend? just as possible as it is to have more than one true love
41. What is your favorite picture of yourself? The one of me being a kid in a candy store. I love that picture.
42. Do you think you're a good person? they used to call me a goodie-goodie. Don't know what that means. I generally stick by the rules, but I am far from the most generous or nicest etc.
43. Do you think others so? What kind of a question is that?
44. What's the worst pick up line you've heard? "Hey, what's your name? Ya know what that rhymes with? Beautiful."
45. Who was the last person you were mad at? prolly my mom
46. Do you like it if someone bites you? it depends on a lot.
47. What's the worst medicine you've ever had? the wisdom teeth medicine made my head blow up
48. Who's your favorite comedian? don't have one, like em all.
49. Johnny Depp: Hot or not? Ouch, he burns.
50. Does size matter? For many things, yes, for some things, no. That's another vaugue question.
1. Who was the last person you met off the internet? I don't know
2. What is the longest you've gone without sleep? Not sure...but the latest I've stayed up till is 7:30. Around 20 hours, maybe?
3. When was the last time you had cookies and milk? Oooh...it's been a while. Good idea, though.
4. Favorite cereal? This has nothing to do with the question, but have you ever noticed that Cap't Cruch never closes his mouth? It freaks me out. Anyway, my favo cereal is...something.
5. One thing you said as a child that got you into trouble? To my mom: "You're a sandbag!"
6. When was the last time you were spanked? a loooooooong time ago
7. Can you burp on command? no
8. Last time you had a burp that rated high on the burp scale? I never could rate high. I went for quantity, not quality. I don't burp too much anymore though.
9. If you were to get plastic surgery on just one part of your body, which would it be? Ummmm, never thought about that...my nose maybe? I would never get plastic surgery though.
10. Favorite sexual position? I'm gonna skip this question
11. If you could be one of the seven dwarfs, which would you be? Bashful. He's so awesome.
12. What would be your one regret if you were to be struck by lightning and die right now? Man I wish I wore that rubber suit today.
14. Favorite commercial? The one where all the grocery mascots are a pack of raving wolves and then Kool Aid breaks through the wall. Oh and the one where petrolium takes over the household and boots out electricty. And then he takes over the fireplace and electricity is like "Does wood know about this?" and wood is sleeping on a chair. It's just a really funny commercial.
15. Did you notice, theres no 13? shut up
16. Who did you last go camping with? my family. And it wasn't really camping, it was Disney camping.
17. Ever met anyone famous? yes, Shaul Ben-Meir, Claudia Anderson, Peter Lloyd, William Bennett, and I have pictures to prove all of them except Shaul
18. Who is your favorite Batman? there's only one batman
19. What was your favorite childhood cartoon? ummmm....I liked so many, it's hard to pick.
20. Have you ever slept in a car (not while the car was moving like a road trip)? yes
21. Ever laid down in the tall grass and done your stuff? I have laid down in tall grass but the next part of the question is a bit too vauge for me to answer properly
22. What kind of undies do you prefer? ones that fit
23. Last place you went on a road trip to? Tallahassee!
22. Favorite Michael Jackson song? the Free Willy theme. Oh and Thriller
23. Who was the first person you kissed? someone stupid!
24. Who was the last person you kissed? someone stupid!
25. Infinity, Caddy, Mercedes, or BMW? I know so little about cars...
26. Favorite SNL sketch? I dont watch it quite enough to have a favorite
27. What was the last thing you wished for? to get that dang camp to send me a letter
28. How expensive were the last pair of shoes you bought? i dont know. Prolly like $20 ir something.
29. Name one thing you've purchased and never used, but keep telling yourself you're gonna? I use everything that I buy. That's why I buy it.
30. Quote a movie: "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return" -Moulin Rouge
31. Favorite PJs? I like all my pjs. So comfy and such.
32. Have you ever gotten a fortune from a fortune cookie that you kept? no. Well, yes, but I lost it.
33. If so, what did it say? Haha, you think I remember?
34. Favorite candy bar? Carmello, maybe.
35. Have you ever traveled outside the USA? Yes, to Canada and the Bahamas.
36. What's a wierd thing that you collect? wrapping paper. Serious.
37. Name an embarassing moment: Coming in two measures early in a concert
38. Who's the funniest person you know? haha good one. Maybe Craig. Or the translator of the DDR instructions.
39. Who's the meanest? Asher and Richard when they are playing risk.
40. Is it possible to have more than one best friend? just as possible as it is to have more than one true love
41. What is your favorite picture of yourself? The one of me being a kid in a candy store. I love that picture.
42. Do you think you're a good person? they used to call me a goodie-goodie. Don't know what that means. I generally stick by the rules, but I am far from the most generous or nicest etc.
43. Do you think others so? What kind of a question is that?
44. What's the worst pick up line you've heard? "Hey, what's your name? Ya know what that rhymes with? Beautiful."
45. Who was the last person you were mad at? prolly my mom
46. Do you like it if someone bites you? it depends on a lot.
47. What's the worst medicine you've ever had? the wisdom teeth medicine made my head blow up
48. Who's your favorite comedian? don't have one, like em all.
49. Johnny Depp: Hot or not? Ouch, he burns.
50. Does size matter? For many things, yes, for some things, no. That's another vaugue question.
Friday, April 02, 2004
Today happened to be the day I was possibly the most scared I've ever been. Tonight I went to see The Secret Window with Katie and Rebecca, and the movie was pretty scary, I guess (The very last thing in the movie ruined the fright for everything though). But before the movie is what freaked me out. As we were in the movie theatre halls, walking toward our movie, a man walked--no, glided--by. He wore a long, black trench coat, had creepy, menacing hair, and a tall, black hat pulled over his eyes to give a shadowy look to his face. I could've sworn he had a cape but Rebecca and Katie say it was just the trench coat. Anyway, he gave me the creeps as soon as I saw him. He was walking so quickly. It was like a killer guy that you'd see in a movie except this wasn't a movie, it was real. Well I guess all he really did was walk by. But it still almost made me pee my pants, I swear. Man, that dude was the scariest looking guy I've ever seen. I'm gonna have nightmares about him. You're probably laughing now, but if you could've seen him...::shiver::
I went to Krienes' a few days ago to practice with him. He got really excited when he heard that I was playing the Prokofiev, and he got even more excited after I played it. He started running (pacing?) around his house looking for a recording that I "just had to hear." Well, he couldn't find it at the moment, but he promised me that he would have it when I went back to practice the next day. Well, I came back, and he had for me a copied recording of Mathieu Dufour playing the fourth movement of the Prokofieff (the movement that I am playing). It is amazing how similar we interpret things, Dufour and me. I would say that if it didn't sound so good that it was me playing. Maybe he's my musical soul mate (snort). It makes me happy because he is the new principle of the Chicago Symphony, at only 33 years old. I told Mr. Krienes that that was what I was going to do, be a principle of a major orchestra at 33 years old. He laughed and told me that anything was possible. Indeed.
Come on, Tanglewood, I'm tired of waiting. Bring it on, good or bad. I can take it.
::Makes strange noises::
I went to Krienes' a few days ago to practice with him. He got really excited when he heard that I was playing the Prokofiev, and he got even more excited after I played it. He started running (pacing?) around his house looking for a recording that I "just had to hear." Well, he couldn't find it at the moment, but he promised me that he would have it when I went back to practice the next day. Well, I came back, and he had for me a copied recording of Mathieu Dufour playing the fourth movement of the Prokofieff (the movement that I am playing). It is amazing how similar we interpret things, Dufour and me. I would say that if it didn't sound so good that it was me playing. Maybe he's my musical soul mate (snort). It makes me happy because he is the new principle of the Chicago Symphony, at only 33 years old. I told Mr. Krienes that that was what I was going to do, be a principle of a major orchestra at 33 years old. He laughed and told me that anything was possible. Indeed.
Come on, Tanglewood, I'm tired of waiting. Bring it on, good or bad. I can take it.
::Makes strange noises::
Thursday, April 01, 2004
Sorry, my AIM's been down all (yester)day, so I've been cut off from the rest of the world. It was kinda nice, though, with no interruptions and such.
-----------------------------------------------------
I don't know what to think anymore. Every day is like a roller coaster. I want to give up hope, but how could I? I would, but what's the point? It's just as easy to keep on truckin. Anyway, I can tell myself that I have given up hope but that's not neccessarily what my mind and heart think. Keep your faith, Ash. Someday when you least expect it...
-----------------------------------------------------
I don't know what to think anymore. Every day is like a roller coaster. I want to give up hope, but how could I? I would, but what's the point? It's just as easy to keep on truckin. Anyway, I can tell myself that I have given up hope but that's not neccessarily what my mind and heart think. Keep your faith, Ash. Someday when you least expect it...
