Wednesday, November 30, 2005

I made the gala recital. Just wow.

I can't even believe how happy I am right now. In a span of three days, I've made intercollegiate band, the college young artist competition, and the flute gala recital, one right after the other. I thought being a freshman at college meant something, that you're back down at the bottom of the barrel, but I guess not.

For as much as I would have loved to play the Ibert, I think it was probably a good choice to switch to Massenet. I think it also helped that I was feeling particularly confident yesterday when I auditioned. I was hardly nervous at all! There's always that stupid voice in my head that tries to distract me from the music, and I yesterday I said to it, "Shut up. I'm playing music." So it shut up for once. And I played music!

And NOW I'm getting ready for my first ever (first time performing, that is) Prism concert! BAND EXTRAVAGANZA! I'm excited. I love college! Can I just stay here, in this day, for the rest of my life?

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

In the words of Harold Ziedler,
"EVERYTHING'S GOING SO WELL!!"

This is post number 1111.

I searched google for "flute fingering chart" and "fourth octave" together, and almost every site it came up with was a porn site.
?
I'm a college young artist finalist!!!!!!!

Ya know the high school flute competition that I was a finalist for two years, winning the second year?
I made the college division! As a freshman! Playing a really awesome piece that I'm going to get to study extensively now! Frank Martin, I love you!

Katie, if you're a finalist, we're going to have to team up and win this thing so Mrs. Clew can explode with joy.

Monday, November 28, 2005

I made intercollegiate band!

It's the college version of all-state (except not really because you are accepted based on a resume and recommendation, not an audition, but we'll just ignore that part). There are two bands: the intercollegiate band (the good one, that everyone wants to be in), and the reading band (which plays new high school tunes for the band directors there). Everyone who doesn't make intercollegiate band makes the reading band. I made the intercollegiate band!
As part of the FMEA convention, it's at the same time and place as all-state, so I'm prolly going to get to see the all-state concerts and people while I'm there. Yay! I'm excited to see Katie and Colin in orchestra. I wonder what they're playing.

From FSU, seven people including me made the intercollegiate band and three made the reading band. I don't know any of these people, so I'm pretty sure that I'm going to make friends here. I'm such a freshman.

The best part is that Dr. Croft is the conductor. I love that man.

--------------------------------

IN OTHER NEWS
I got home at about 4:30 last night. I've been skipping classes right and left to sleep today. I'm still kind of out of it. I think I'm going to go straight to sleep after the flute choir rehearsal today.

The flute gala recital audition is tomorrow. I've been working on the first and second movement of the Ibert concerto for this audition, but since I'm a weenie I'm going to play Massenet again. No taking chances. Maybe next time.
The thing is, they said they are looking for the most musical performances, and besides the fact that I don't even have the technique to play Ibert up to tempo yet, the Massenet is just a naturally more musical piece. And I could use some more performance experience on it, seeing as it's the required audition piece for next semester. And I have never rehearsed Ibert with a pianist, so the collaboration might be a problem. It has a mad piano part, that Ibert.

Also, I left my brush at home and I'm kind sad about that.

I'm pretty sure that nobody cares about any of this, but I'm writing it nonetheless.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

My tone on flute has become less restricted and more free.
I thought I had a great tone before, but I didn't.
My throat was tight, my breathing was labored, and my air was unsteady.
I was tense.
I had little freedom of expression.
Everything I played sounded the same.
I didn't know any of this at the time.
I didn't see.
My eyes were not open.

This change parallels the rest of my life.
Everything works together.
Everything is connected.
My tone has become more free, and I have in turn become more free in life.
I didn't even know that there was a problem.
But now I do.

So what if there's a little air in your sound? It's healthy air. It won't travel from the stage to the audience. It means that your notes won't crack.

I had a lot of fun last night, and I was not restricted.
It doesn't matter anymore.
My eyes have been opened.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Why did I speed so much in high school?
Was I always in a hurry to go everywhere,
or
did I just not like the idea of someone else going faster than me?

I've noticed that I don't speed nearly as badly anymore.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Happy Thanksgiving yesterday.
I pray that we all may remember that the point of the holiday is not to eat turkey and watch football.

OFF TOPIC
What would you do with 48 million dollars? It's fun to think about.

Things to look forward to in Ashley's life:
A bike ride tomorrow
Prism and tri-state fun
Christmas
FMEA intercollegiate band
Touring with symphonic band
Flute fair
Cruise
London

I'm thankful for life
(in every sense of the word).

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

SYMPHONIC BAND CONCERT
Tonight, Nov 22
8:00 PM
RUBY DIAMOND

It's gonna be crazy!
I just did really badly on a nutrition test.
It reminded me of that one physics test that I got a 60 on back in junior year (that time, there happened to be a 30 point curve, so I acutally ended up with an A...but that's besides the point.)
Every question was just like, I have never heard that word before and I have have no idea what this question is asking and I don't remember learning this at all.

I'm pretty sure that science is my weakness, which is crazy because I'm really good at math and music theory, which use the same side of the brain. Stupid science.

To give the failure some credit, I really didn't study as much as I should have.

And now I'm really sad. I don't get bad grades on tests. I get A's. I GET A'S.

Maybe I should just learn once and for all that success isn't everything. That grades aren't synomynous (sp?) with moral character. That it's OKAY to fail once in a while. Maybe I needed to fail a test to really find this out. After all, there is a reason for everything.

Life will not end with a bad test grade. Believe me, Ashley.
(Unless, of course, you fail the course entirely, because our friends politicians decided that retaking classes for a better grade costs too much money, so we'll have to live with that big fat F on our GPA for all of eternity. The end.)

Sunday, November 20, 2005

I had one of THOSE moments today.
You know, those moments that remind you why you are sacrificing everything for music?

I was practicing my orchestral excerpts, and I got to Beethoven's 3rd symphony. The excerpt isn't too techinically difficult until a flurry of really fast tounged 16th notes near the end. I was taking it slow and working my way up, until my brain said, "Hey Ash, just try it at tempo. See what it sounds like." So I set my metrenome to 137 bpm and began the excerpt. When I got to the sixteenths, I don't know what happened; everything just clicked. I executed the passage perfectly. I didn't even know what I was doing. Magic.
When I finished playing it, I yelled out, "Yes! That's what it's supposed to sound like!" And I didn't care who heard me, because for that moment, I ruled the world.

I love those moments.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Why do we feel angry? Because we feel that some injustice is being done to us or to the world? So is it our duty to attempt to resolve the problem that we feel angry about? What if we solve the problem, but the solution leads to more anger? What both the problem and the solution are confrontational? Is it better to let the problem persist? What if the problem creates many moments of anger, and the solution will stop the anger but end a friendship? Why can't we all just get along? Why do we have to hide so much? Why can't we just say what we think about things? Why can't we express our anger in constructive ways? Why does anger often lead us to act rashly and create more anger? Is it possible to live a life in which I don't have to hide my anger and other emotions? Why do I feel unable to express my anger to those who express anger toward me? Why does society allow us to feel only some emotions freely? Why can't we stand up for ourselves in the face of anger? Why can't we just face confrontation head-on and resolve problems maturely instead of weakly wearing a pout and boiling up inside? Why can't we just think about other's feelings before we do things? Is that so difficult?
Yesterday, Mr. Krienes was supposed to conduct a transcription of his during a wind orchestra concert here at FSU. When it came time for him to come out, Dr. Clary came out instead. He said that Mr. Krienes had grown very ill overnight and was currently at the Tallhassee hospital having some tests done. He said that Mr. Krienes will be able to go back to Melbourne for some longer-term treatment.

It doesn't sound good, guys.

Friday, November 18, 2005

I need to practice.
I should go do that.
I always waste a lot of time in the practice rooms with mirrors in them because I make stupid faces in the mirrors.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

I KICK COMPUTER
COMPUTER FALL BOOM
BYE BYE, COMPUTER

(That's what happens in my head.)
1 year ago:
- I was stressing out about college auditions
- I never drank 2% milk
- I was a member of FSYO

Yesterday:
- I played in a recital
- I went to Rebecca's place
- I played a piece from memory while lying on my bed

5 snacks I enjoy:
- Kettle korn (yes, korn)
- Polly-O cheese sticks
- Fruit smiles
- Kudos bars
- Ice cream

5 songs I know all the words to:
- Allstar (Smash Mouth)
- Pretty much any Lion King song
- Elephant Love Medley
- The Devil Went Down to Georgia
- Thick as a Brick (Jethro Tull)

5 things I would do with 100 dollars:
- Save up for a new flute
- Buy Christmas presents
- Put aside for accompanists
- Buy my year's supply of groceries
- Start a retirement account

3 places I would run away to:
(I'm going to add that I would probably never run away anywhere, these are just hypothetical places)
- California
- Ireland
- Key West

1 thing I would never wear:
- A really short skirt

5 favorite shows:
- Lost
- Seinfeld
- The Powerpuff Girls
- Late Night with Conan O'Brian
- Whose Line is it Anyway?

5 bad habits:
- Wasting time by doing things like this
- Not doing my dishes
- Eating lots of sugar
- Thinking only for myself
- Taking more food than I can eat

5 biggest joys:
- Realizing that I'm loved
- Deserved succeess
- Making people laugh
- Having a truly spiritual moment
- Playing certain pieces

5 fictional characters I would date:
- Frodo Baggins
- The Phantom (of the opera)
- Westley
- Will Turner
- Captain Jack Sparrow

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

I am a GOOD flute player.
I can play Massanet beautifully.
I CAN!
I've done it before.
Many times!

But it didn't happen today.
Oh well.

As my teacher said, "It's only one point on the line."
And as I say, "Everything happens for a reason."

I think I'm not as confident about my ability here as I was in high school, which is funny because I'm the same person and same flute player. The outside has changed, not the inside. Why should I feel different?

--------------------------------

I could've subbed in a philharmonia reading rehearsal yesterday, but I didn't get the message because I forgot to turn my phone on. Phooey.

I'm in dire need of a Lost night. And a lot of sleep. And possibly some advil.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Mint oreo smoothie does this to me:

HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER
dead

Monday, November 14, 2005

My teacher told me that with my piccolo audition I might be able to sneak into philharmonia. Sneak into an orchestra! Haha! I love her! She's foreign and says funny things a lot.

Speaking of piccolo, I practiced it for the first time in a while, and now I have a headache.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Everyone thinks my single coughs are sneezes.

It's freezing. IT'S UNCOOKED. IT'S AN UNCOOKED POT PIE.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Wow! These past few days have been awesome!
My lack of sleep doesn't even matter anymore. I've lost track of all time.

Sarah's two friends, Joe and Mark, have been here. Together we watched movies, played tag in the wal-mark parking lot, went to concerts, goofed around at restaurants, and fell alseep on the dorm room floor (all four of us) at 5:00 in the morning. PLUS I still had ample time to practice. I knew this weekend was going to rock.

We are so going on a road trip someday.

It's been a while since I've been able to say this: the good old days are right now.








And yet, life is never perfect.
I've recieved much more pain in my life from guys that I don't like than from guys that I do like.

Friday, November 11, 2005

I don't really have anything to say.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

:(

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

After contacting a total of eight people,
I FINALLY HAVE AN ACCOMPANIST!
And it's Nik, the coolest person ever!

Thank you, Life.
I can see auras!
And it's so exciting that it's distracting me from my everyday life.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Yesterday there was a Cawthon concert. Alyssa and I played a duet, and we got lots of compliments. It made me feel really good, because I thought we actually did well.

I hate getting compliments when I don't play well.. It's like, you think that's the best I can do?
Is it normal for parents to drive 10 hours three weekends in a row just to see live football? And spend almost $40 for each ticket, totaling to $152 each game? I don't even like football, I really don't know why they waste their money.
My parents REALLY like football.


My parents aren't coming again for another couple weeks. It's funny because they wonder how my friends can survive when they go home or their boyfriends come here every weekend, but my parents do the exact same thing to me. Next weekend, I am going to practice and hang out with friends and do schoolwork before 10:00 on Sunday night.

I love you, but...I have things to do.
Story of my life.

I'm so focused on the wrong things. Seriously. I'm so extremely studious. I like success. But what does success do for you if you don't have love? This is the same disease that has been plauging me for years now. I don't know what to do. I never seem to have as much time as other people. I've always been the one who had to sleep when a party was going on in my living room, the person who has had to study instead of go to a movie. Are those things really more important than investing time in people? I don't know, but I act like they are. Nobody else seems to ever have a problem with this. How do they do it? Probably someday I am going to wake up and realize that I am foolish beyond belief. That'll be the day I die.

This is why 1 Corinthians 13 affected me so much when I first read it. If I have all things but I do not have love, I am nothing! Am I nothing? Do I have love?
It doesn't matter how much knowledge I cram into my head, what kind of blasted grades I get, even how well I play that instrument of mine. The only thing that matters is the love.

-------------------------------------------

Edit: I got a 100 on my group paper comparing Freddy Krueger to AIDS! A 100!!!!! I can't believe it! I'm walking on air!

Sunday, November 06, 2005

I'm

tired

so

I

will

not

write

my

thoughts

in

blogger

today.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Parents=no practice

I love them, though.

Who else is in tri-state? I must know.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Yesterday in English class we discussed consumerism in America. From that, we somehow got into the topic of music.

The teacher asked "Is there such a thing as inherently bad music?" This was a topic of interest because there are a lot lot of music majors in that class. Someone in the class answered, going on about how music is an art, and like all art forms, it can have a higher or lower quality. When he was finished talking, I quickly added two words to the discussion:

"Parallel fifths."
(Then I looked around like I hadn't just said anything.)

Then the room exploded!

The guy who answered the question was a music major.
"Do you want me to explain what parallel fifths are?" he asked the teacher.
"No thank you," my teacher replied.


(I guess you had to be there)

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Flute: my anti-candy

Inside my head:
That wasn't much soup. What should I eat to supplement the meal? Hmmm...applesauce would be good. Yummy and nutritious...but wait...there's candy over there. I want candy.

So much for the applesauce...

I put my computer music on shuffle and this is what it played:
1) The Who-Join Together
2) mvt 1 of the flute trio on my senior recital
3) The Bangels-Walk Like and Egyptian
4) Barber Symphony no. 2
5) Jethro Tull-The Whistler
6) Mo' Horizons-Gonna Be (from Blues Lounge)
7) U2-Pride (in the name of love)
8) The Chieftains-Live from Matt Malloy's Pub
9) that Moncayo piece (Huapango?)-WYSO final concert
10) some track from Massanet's opera Werther

I need to put more of my CDs on the computer...
I like to waste time, that's for sure.
I can't even imagine how bad it would be if I used AIM.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

I didn't play as well as I could have.
And everyone sounded better than me.
:(


...stupid nerves.