College people come home next week!

My auditions are all over!
I mean, it was fun and exciting but it was getting very tiresome. I actually think I made myself sick from staying up late every night to catch up on makeup work and waking up early to catch planes, etc.
I would definitely do it again, yes.
Now I have crossed off two colleges from the list, Juilliard because I'm not going to be accepted there, and NEC because we are not compatible (and I'm probably not going to get enough money to go there anyway).
That leaves three colleges left. Tied for first place are Eastman and Cincinnati Conservatory, and the most reasonable choice, FSU, is not far behind. All three schools are awesome, and I have incentive to go to FSU, as it is going to be more than free.


This week is almost as bad as the last few, which didn't just include the auditions but also solo and ensemble, several recordings to be made, a research paper, lessons, two colds, a scholarship competition, and, um, school. Did I go to school? I don't remember.

I will tell you about Juilliard and New York sometime, but I have a lesson right now so I must go.

I didn't get a callback :(

I'm just kidding, I really did get a callback! I'm going to Juilliard!!! WEEEEE!

I'm just kidding again. I really didn't get a callback. You silly geese.

MORE LATER (I'm still sick)

Well, I leave for New York tomorrow. The big apple. The city that never sleeps. The city of hope.
And Juilliard.
To audition at Juilliard, each flute player had to sumbit a tape with rigorous audition requirements on it. From those the audition committee prescreened down to 36 flute players, all of whom audition on Sunday the 27th in New York City. All those flute players then have to be available at the school until 9:00 that night for callbacks. My audition form pretty much makes it clear that if you don't get a callback, you are not getting accepted.
My mom keeps saying that it would be pretty depressing if I didn't get a callback.
I don't agree.

New York is going to be the best. I mean, come on, it's New York City!! My mom and I are staying with my Uncle Paul, who is really awesome. He has a parrot named Freddie and unique laugh. My uncle has the laugh, not the parrot.
We are also going to see the New York Phil. They are playing The Sorcerers Apprentice, a world premiere of an oboe concerto, and the whole of Scheherezade. It's going to be amazing. I just can't wait. I mean, how many times in your life will you be able to see the New York Philharmonic?

I hope nobody hates me or destroys my instrument. I've heard some horror stories, people destroying based on jealousy. I hope everyone plays fairly and the best musicians may win the spot(s). If I am not the most deserving musician/flute player, then I hope I don't make it in. If I am the most deserving, then I hope I do. I wouldn't want to cheat someone more deserving out of their place at Juilliard. Likewise, I wouldn't wanted to be cheated out of my rightful place.

I am developing a cold. I woke up today with a sore throat, and the coughing sneezing runny nose high temp low energy achiness has been endless today. I can take it though. I can take anything. Everything happens for a reason.

It's good that I couldn't practice much of third block today. I wouldn't want to tire myself out.

I don't think I'll go to Bible study today, as much as I would like to.

Bye everyone. I'll catch you on the flip side. The flip side being Juilliard. Pray for me if you want to. I'll need every bit of God I can get.

I conquered my fears for once and stayed up late (to study, mind you). I think it paid off on the test today, but I also think that I could've done a lot better.
And I realized again why I was so afraid of not getting enough sleep.

I like talking to Dan. He's not a jerk to me. That makes my life a lot easier.

The weather was beautiful today. Reminds me why those northerners envy Floridians.
The trees are a beautiful shade of green, also. I love color. Thank you for color.

Juilliard in a couple days.

I'm sorry that my posts have been so boring and self-centered lately. Oh wait..no I'm not.

Some people make me feel really special. Like three people maybe. And I bet they don't even know who they are.

To people who think Florida is Paridise:
"You still have to write research papers in Paridise."

"Beware of the viola, cello and trombone. These instruments are evil!"

NEC PART 2
My audition at NEC went okay. It was about the same as Eastman, 7/10 perhaps. It's just that the flute people were so businesslike that they didn't quite make you feel so good about your playing. Anyway, I've pretty much decided that I'm not going to go there, unless somehow I miraculously get a full scholarship. But it was a nice trip nonetheless.

I went to the Boston Symphony concert. They had a piano player that reminded me of a young Mr. Krienes. He moved and played like him: very energetic, very emotional, very involved. Every once in a while he would look out to the audience before he played and smile at them, like saying "Watch this, guys." You could tell that he just loved what he was doing: it showed on his face, the smile, in his movements. It was amazing to watch. He played a Mendelssohn piano concerto; it made me so happy to experience. I left for intermission with my heart fluttering, with a wide smile on my face, because what I just heard I enjoyed so very very much.
It reminded me of why I play music.

A few days later when my mom and I called a cab back to the airport, the guy driving was this really friendly guy with some kind of Irish accent. He asked us where we were going and when we said Florida, he said "I could drive you to Florida!" It was funny.

Millions of kids flood the airport. It's like a meeting of the kids, seriously. I like watching them, being all excited about going to disney world, donning their mickey mouse shirts and sometimes even mickey mouse ears. I see my past self in them: the innocence, the freedom, the happiness, the curiosity. I remember when I was little I wanted to be little forever. I didn't care about anything the adults did. I just cared about kids...ya know, having fun.

When my auditions are over I can have friends again? Maybe?

Boston was wonderful; NEC was less than wonderful. Baxtresser is not teaching there next year, I got a cold vibe from the school, they don't award full scholarships, outlook for NEC looks bleak. However, my trip was awesome.
The amazing thing about Boston to me is that it is so very clean. It's a beautiful city, and on Sunday night my mom and I spend a good couple hours walking around and exploring. The whole time we were walking, I saw one single piece of trash on the ground: a tissue, likely to have fallen from someone's pocket. How do they do it?
Also, there was a giant mall next to my hotel, and it had a church inside of it. Yes, a church, inside a mall, right next to a dunkin doughnuts. I went to church there; it was good. I like the random bursts of Latin incorporated into the mass.

It's so difficult traveling to so many awesome places at this time of year. It's the time of year when everything here starts to become dull, repetitive, annoying.
I go to Boston, Cincinnati, New York Rochester, visit relatives, see friends from Interlochen, watch BSO and NYP concerts, shop in exclusive stores, eat disgustingly delicious hotel food, play in the snow, everything is new! exciting! fun!
And then when I step back into my house...well, everything comes flooding back again. Same problems, same stress, same people. And I wake up the next morning and haul myself back to school and play in the same band I've played in for four years. It's just difficult, knowing how much else there is out there while I'm stuck here in my same old life, doing the same thing, day after day.
I wish I could turn that idea into something positive. But I don't know if I can, just because it is so true. Well, that and because I've stayed up way too late writing my research paper to be thinking positive.

Have a nice day.

I'll see you in Boston!

861 words tonight.
Oh yeah.

SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHH

UNRELATED
Because few people know and/or care how little time I have and how efficiently I use it, I will say this to myself because nobody else will:
Ashley, I don't know how you do it.
Congratulations on being so awesome.

I feel better now.

TONIGHT Melbourne lesson and Krienes rehearsal
TOMORROW Humanities quiz and essay makeup
FRIDAY Solo and Ensemble
WEEKEND Boston! NEC Audition! BSO!
MONDAY Research paper due (haven't started)
TUESDAY Recording for NFA Competition

Haven't cleaned my room or bathroom in about a month...
Haven't cleaned my car in about half a year...

Wow, it's a good thing we are not allowed to read textbooks during SSR. They're killin me here...

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"I can take it. I can take anything."

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IN MUSIC THEORY TODAY
I figured out Colin's phone number when he played it in scale degress on his tuba. I was proud of myself.

"Ashley can get a date with anyone"
I laughed at that.

Seriously.

I had an eye appointment today. I am not a candidate for contacts and probably never will be, so it looks like I'll be wearing glasses the rest of my life. The reason is because I'm not nearsighted or farsighted; I have a mild stigmatism. And apparently contacts aren't too great at correcting stigmitisms. Oh well. At least glasses make me look smart(er).
They put eyedrops in my eye again. I almost passed out again, but I didn't actually do it this time. The doctor said it was because I had a panic attack when he put the eyedrops in. I don't doubt it...I don't like the idea of having random fluids put in my eye by someone I just met 5 minutes ago. Even if he is a trained professional.

Anyway, Feb 15 was my lucky day up until last year. Good things have happened to me on Feb. 15. Unfortunately, I think my luck has run out. But it's okay. I've given up trying to make things work out in the field of love, at least until college. Until then, I will seek not happiness but sensibility.
And don't you dare pity me for it.

Waking up in the morning...
Mom: Happy Valentine's Day, Ashley!
Me: Happy Stupidtine's Day, Mom!

That pretty much sums up my whole day.

Love is for the weak.

I let so much go unspoken...

Life is good...

Cincinnati was pretty dang cool. My flights went well again, and for that I am thankful. My mom and I got a rental car, and we were driving on a hill when I got my first glimpse of the city; my jaw literally dropped. Cincinnati is beautiful. Every corner is another cathedral reaching the sky, or high school build like a castle, or hotel imitating a manson. My hotel was called "Vernon Manor" and it was so awesome. The room was huge. I could've done gymnastics in it.

The College-Conservatory of Music (CCM) at the University of Cincinnati is pretty dang awesome. The practice rooms have the best acoustics in the world. Apparently they used to be dorm rooms until they were renovated not too long ago...all that meaning that each practice room has a double bay window overlooking the CCM couryard. And vaulted ceilings. And enough room for a cello choir. And a million of other surprises.

What was my impression of the campus itself, you ask? It was big. Very big. It was kind of cool looking, but, as I remarked to my mom, looks don't make a difference. Nice architechture, whatever, I don't care. The student union was awesome though. A million different places to eat.

It was so different from Eastman. Eastman is this tiny school, about 400 (I might just be making that number up) students in the whole school. It is only music, and it's located in a relatively small, industrial city. Cincinnati, on the other hand is a state university with millions of people (well maybe not that many) and all areas. It's in a bustling city with culture and sports and...people. They are just so different.

So how was my audition? I was right when I said my audition was going to be even better than Eastmans. I couldn't have hoped for a better audition than I had here. 9/10. They video recorded my audition, which was a little intimidating, but I played the majority of my stuff memorized, and I tried to smile as much as possible. It was good; I made maybe one or two mistakes the whole audition. But again, they asked for the easy stuff. I LEARNED THE WHOLE MUCZYNSKI SONATA AND THEY DIDN'T ASK FOR ANY OF IT. That bothered me just a little. But if they want to ask for the slow stuff, they can go right ahead. I ain't afraid of a little expression.
The flute teacher seems nice, but it's hard to judge someone when you first meet him. But I've heard from some pretty reliable sources that he's a great person and great teacher, so I'll just have to take their words for it. I'm slightly worried that though he may be a great teacher, he may not be the BEST teacher for me, ya know? Oh well.

I saw Liz! From my cabin at Interlochen! I hung around with her all day both on audition day and Cincinnatus day. She plays horn (like a beast) and we were pretty dang good friends at Interlochen. Man, if I think I am happy seeing someone I recognize from Interlochen, I know now how insanely happy I am to see someone from my cabin at Interlochen. I was HAPPY. It was totally awesome. And of course our moms hit it off as well.

I would tell you about the Cincinnatus but I really don't feel like it. All I'm gonna say is that I performed at a rather moderate level so I'm not expecting anything great.

It was somewhat cold most of the time and then at the end of the trip it got nice. There was no snow, although it did flurry one morning. I said, if it's gonna be cold, you might as well have snow. Snow is the best.
Everyone who lives up north hates where they live. They hear that I live in Florida and ask in astonishment why I would want to go to college in Ohio. Florida needs to have a conservatory.

Cincinnati had about 20 chili places, restaurants that only serve chili. What's up with all the chili?

It's funny that when I go on these trips I think about life back home and I don't care about anything. I really don't.
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The train is leaving the station.

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"I have a better chance with her than you do."

Today on the way home from school I was speeding along in the left lane when I noticed that a car was tailgating me, so I moved over to the right lane. Of course, as soon as I switch lanes I notice that right in front of me in the right lane is one of those cars that drives 10 under, so I attempt to switch back to the left lane really fast. I ended up cutting off the car that was tailgating me (keep in mind that when this car was tailgating I was going ten over).
So I pass Mr. 10 Under and go back to the right lane to let Mr. Tailgater by. Well, it turns out that Mr. Tailgater was a car full of punk boys. They all opened their windows and gave me the "I'm really happy with you!" hand signal when they passed me. So I gave them the tourist face and a thumbs-up. I felt so loved.

It's strange that I've been so happy these last few days. Not depressed in the least. I wouldn't expect it. I'm not complaining or anything (NO! I DON'T WANT TO BE HAPPY!) but it's not what I would've guessed I would feel, judging from the past.

I am giving up self-pity for Lent.

Tomorrow I'm leaving for Cincinnati! I'm auditioning for the Cincinnati Conservatory on Friday and competing in the Cincinnatus scholarsip competition on Saturday. I'm excited to see what CCM is all about. My teacher says that Cincinnati is the school that is "putting out all the good flutists" nowadays.
I know that this trip is not going to be as awesome as Rochester because a) My family is not there, b) Chefs is not there, and c) I won't get the hardcore t.v. watching that I did on the Jet Blue flights. But my audition will be even better! Wish me luck, guys!

Today was a very good day and I was extremely happy at times, so that tells me (and you) that I'm going to be fine.

Music theory is so awesome. I like to compare it to calculus: people say it's hard, but I actually get it. It's one of the few things in this world that I actually understand (so far), and therefore, I like it.

Today music theory was awesome. I can't remember the last time I have laughed that hard. Possibly last year when we were reading Hayakawa and I saw that drawing in the book. Mr. Schwindt sure is a funny guy when he wants to be, I'll tell ya that.
We went over some homework and acted like elementary/middle schoolers because everytime we would get something right, we would say "YESSS!!!" It was awesome.

Yesterday I talked to my mom about some of my feelings (I had feelings yesterday). It felt good to tell someone about stuff. Someone who actually cares and actually listens. I don't know why it feels better after you tell someone something, but it does. I'm glad there's someone left in this world that I can open up to.

On Feb. 27, I could:
a. Play at a BSYO concert
b. Sing the national anthem at a basketball game televised on ESPN
c. Audition at Juilliard
....hmmm....which one should I choose?

Good thing that didn't happen to me.

UNRELATED!
A boy told me he loved me today.
Really. He did.

I am going to Juilliard in two weeks. And you are not.

I really need to get out of this place.

Some things are just out of our control. We seem to think that if we wait and if we hope, we deserve to have whatever we want. But God has plans that we know nothing about. And who are we to argue that our plan is right and God's plan is wrong? We can't argue.
Some things are meant to be, and some things aren't meant to be. The least we can do is accept that.

I gotta get out of this place.

I certainly could not have asked for a better trip than that.
Everything at Rochester just sort of fell into place. Both the flights to and fro were actually EARLY from the scheduled times.

I visited my family a lot, including two cousins I haven't seen for 6 or 7 years, my aunt Karlene and Uncle Larry, and another cousin. I also saw for the first time my cousin's baby, Elizabeth. I can't get over how totally adorable she is! "Weeee!" is her favorite thing to say. My love for her tells me how much I really do like kids and how much I want them if/when I get married.

Eastman School of Music looks totally awesome. Everyone there seems so happy and friendly, and the atmosphere is very non-competative (wind players do not audition for the large ensembles, they actually rotate parts and ensembles, which I think is awesome.) The theatre there is absolutely breathtaking, I mean, this place is BEAUTIFUL. The dorm building looks very comfortable, everything has an old easygoing style.

I talked to Helen, a flute player I know because we had the same teacher back in the day. She is a freshman at Eastman, and she has a lot of good to say about the flute instructor. She loves the school but not neccessarily the city. It was nice talking to her, getting the inside scoop, seeing her again.

My audition went pretty well. I said it could've been a little better and it could've been a lot worse. 7/10 on the audition scale, which is decent. Eastman obviously is a hard school to get into (I think they are only taking 3 flutes this year), but I am fairly sure that I did well enough to at least make it to the waiting list. We'll see though.

Out of 4 flute players I met who were auditioning there, I knew 3 from Interlochen. Including me, there were 4 flutes from last year's camp there, and that's just one audition day out of maybe 10! And that doesn't even include the regional auditions and the taped auditions that are sent in. Interlochen is craziness.

I WENT TO CHEFS. And again, it exceeded my expectations. Chefs is the only restaurant that consistantly lives up to my expectations. Maybe it's because I go there about once every six years.

SNOW! I saw snow! I touched it! I saw icicles hanging off of buildings! I wore gloves! My face felt wintery fresh when I stepped outside! I slid on the ice on the ground! I heard the crunch under my feet when I stepped in the snow! I was there when it was snowing! I could see my breath so clearly that I could track where every particle was! None of the trees had leaves on them!
I really didn't think snow would be so exciting and so foriegn. But it was! It was just amazing! I actually had my mom take a picture of me in front of a mound of snow, with me holding a snowball. Someody drove by when we were doing that and laughed out the window. I really wished I could've stayed there longer to see more snow. It was awesome. I couldn't stop looking at it. I reminded myself of Inga, the girl at Interlochen who had never been in a thunderstorm. I feel like shouting to the world...I WAS IN SNOW!
My mom didn't appreciate the weather quite as much. She must've said "I hate this northern weather" about 20 times when we were there, and she cursed about every 10 seconds when she was driving in the snow. Ah well. I guess that's why I live in Florida.

Overall, it was a very very pleasant trip. It confirmed my view of Eastman as a definite possible college choice, and I got to see my family, eat Chefs spaghetti parmesan, and see snow! And on top of all that, we flew Jet Blue flights both ways (in case you didn't know, Jet Blue planes have a mini television in front of every seat), so I had about 10 hours of hardcore t.v watching forced into my schedule. What an awesome trip.

---------------------------------

I have a funny story. My mom and I were at the Rochester airport and we wanted to get something to eat and we decided on Subway. The Subway at the airport was this little stand, about as big as those little watch stands in the mall. Anyway, there was only one single person working there, and my mom and I walked over to the counter. When we got there, the girl who worked there was on the phone. She talk for maybe two minutes before saying "I have some customers, so bye."
She then got ready to take our orders, and my mom got out the words "I'll have a six-inch" before the girl picked up the phone again. She started talking ("Look, it's four o'clock, so you need to send someone up here to work") and did so for another two minutes before turning to us and asking, while still on the phone, "what kind of sandwich do ya want?" My mom said she would like six inch honey oat bread. The girl walked over to the bread and asked in an angry tone, "What kind of bread do ya want?!?" My mom said in a very loudly "HONEY OAT."
The girl went crazy!
"You don't have to get all smart with me, because I don't have to serve you, do you know that?" My mom did exactly what I would've done by quickly and silently making an exit. I followed closely, trying to hold back my laughter.
We marched across the hall to the convienience store and my mom asked the unusually attractive store clerk if he knew where the manager for the Subway was. He didn't seem to understand, "The manager...isn't here..." My mom went on and on to him about how it was "ridiculous how rude she was," etc. I tried to give him the "I have nothing to do with this" kind of look, but I'm not sure that he caught it.
In the end we ate at McDonalds, and it was good. I just wish someone else was there with me at Subway so we could make fun of it together.

END

I was supposed to have two lessons this week, but they both ended up being cancelled.
Ah well.
If there's one thing I've learned in this crazy life, it's that things tend to work out. So there's no sense in worrying.

Wellp, tomorrow I leave for the first of the big auditions, the Eastman school of music in Rochester. This school is mere hours away from where I lived the first seven years of my life. It would be kinda funny if I ended up going there, ya know? It's like going back to the beginning.
I'm thinking this trip is going to be one of the most fun of the four (though I'm expecting to have a certain amount of thorough fun on all the trips), seeing as Helen is going to show me around, I'll get to meet and audition for the legendary Bonita Boyd, I might get to see some NY branch Stahls, and I might even get to go to Chefs! Right on! In any case, my ear is feeling better so hopefully the plane ride will go smoothly.
Peace out, and wish me luck!

I've thought about something and this is what I have concluded:

-One time I asked Mr. Schwindt whether he liked Teddy Ghrams or Goldfish better. He said that he liked both; if he hadn't had goldfish in a while he would want those more, but if he hasn't had Teddy Ghrams in a while he would want those more. He said that if he had just eaten a million goldfish, he would want teddy grams more, and vice versa.
-I switch the music in my CD player at home and in my car A LOT. I change it practically every day. But somehow, I sometimes manage to not listen to a certain type of music for a long period of time. If I don't listen to some, say, Celtic music for a while, I start to want to listen to Celtic music. On the other hand, if I listen to only Celtic music for a while, I will want to listen to something else.
-When I hang out with friends a lot, I start to get annnoyed with the little habits and flaws in character. I have been around them TOO MUCH and now I want to hang out with someone else. But, if I don't hang out with my friends for a while, I start to miss them and want to hang out again.

We can't have the same thing for a long time.
It bores us.
But if we once liked something and we haven't had it for a while, we want it again.

That is the answer.

Eastman audition in two days!
I really really really really hope that this ear infection goes away before I enter an airplane. If it doesn't, who knows what could happen. Come on, antibiotics. Give me all you've got!

Today I was driving and a car passed me, speeding a lot. Suddenly we drove by a speed limit sign which increased the speed by 15 miles per hour. Obviously, the car didn't see the sign because it stayed at the same speed, and by accelerating, I ended up passing the car which sped past me before. The driver thought he was still madly speeding but in reality he was falling farther and farther behind.

It's tough when you have so much to do, and yet...all you want to do is sleep and rest. Because you are sick, and the sick ought to have the right to rest. But really they don't, not in this world.

Pressing the shift key 5 times activates stickykeys. I just discovered that 5 second ago.

Me: Be merciful, essay makeup!
Essay makeup: NO

Also, I think I am slowly working my way out of pretty much everyone's life. I realized today that I don't have any friends that I see anymore who I would be willing to tell things to. Not just talk to, but TALK to. If you know what I mean.
It's a COLD CRUEL WORLD out there.

ANYWAY
You're my cup of coffee.
I mean tea.

I haven't disowned blogger, I've just been busy.
And sick.

I just read something that probably would've made me really sad if it wasn't midnight and I've had no sleep over the past few days. Now it's just like "...so?"

I HAVE LINDA MARK'S PHONE NUMBER.
Yesterday was one of the best days ever. I felt like I won the young artist competition again.
I love flute conventions. They are like family reunions for flute players.

The adventures of Dr. Greenwood conversation:

Greenwood walks by me and looks at the music on my stand
Greenwood: Those are some pretty high notes
Me: Yup
Greenwood: Do you guys know the fingerings to those?
Me: .....yes
Greenwood: That's good....because I don't.

After the concert
Greenwood: I thought you were twelve years old.
Me: ...no...I'm seventeen
Greenwood: I bet you get that a lot, huh?
Me: No, actually I don't.

----------------------
Dr. Marosi: That was just very good!

Have you ever thought to yourself, "Man everyone is changing. I'm the only one who has stayed the same."?
And then you realized that of course you are changing too, or have changed, you just can't tell a difference because it's you!

-------------------

Man, Penelope waited for ten long years for her husband to come home. Can you imagine waiting for ten years? Every day waiting, every day hopeful. Every day of those ten years that he did not return must have been agony for her. I can imagine...

And yet she waited. She knew that there was little hope. She knew that she was probably going to have to marry someone else eventually. But she still fought. She fought and never gave up hope, even when hope was nearly gone.
And what happened? Her husband came home! What great joy she must've felt when, after waiting and hoping for ten years, her waiting and hoping finally had a purpose. What a true love that woman had. Ten years of waiting, ten years of being told she was wrong, ten years of doing everything she could to keep hope alive.

Do you ever think about something and you really care about it but then later you think about it again and you ask yourself, "Why did I care so much?" because you now think that it's stupid and doesn't matter.
That happens to me a lot when I look back onto the times of PMS.

Beth: "Steve, are you hard to understand?"
Steve: "Taters"

For me, this weekend was just sort of an explosion of everything. It gave me a lot to think about, and a lot to learn, and a lot to pray for.

Have you ever felt like the whole world was against you?

1. What do you think of smarterchild? He actually shuts up when I tell him to, so he's cool in that aspect; otherwise, he's dumb
2. Do you plan to someday take over the world? If so, what is your plan for world domination? Yes, but no definite plan yet
3. What is your favorite instrument? I'd have to go with the flute
4. What are more awesome, pirates or ninjas? ninjas
5. What is the Internet site that you frequent the most often? livejournal and blogger
6. Have you ever worn an outfit of all yellow? Can't say I have
7. What do you want? An end to all football parties and a hug
8. Do you have friends? no
9. What is the best name for a solo piccolo CD? Piccolo in your ear
10. What should I do for solo and ensemble, Ibert or Muczynski? Better go with Muczynski
11. Do you like dogs? yes, if they do not bite me
12. Do you think you are more awesome than me? probably
13. If you were the inventor of one present day object, what would you have wanted to invent? The electric toothbrush
14. What is the most important thing to you? Being selfish and conceited
15. What is your favorite Lord of the Rings character? Frodo
16. Why did you leave blogger? I didn't
17. Do you like to dance? yes
18. What do you want people to do when you cry? I don't know
19. If you were to meet one person alive today, who would it be? Emmanuel Pahud if he somehow learned to speak english, otherwise, maybe the president or something. I don't know.
20. Ireland or Scotland? Ireland, DUH
21. Copeland or Grainger? Copland
22. Holst or Hindemith? Hindemith
23. Bach or Beethoven? Beethoven
24. Are you a nerd? I spose so
25. What would you do if I punched you? Laugh
26. Have you ever had a pet ladybug? yes
27. Do you like the beach? yes, it's one of my favorite places
28. What is your mission? To seek the holy grail
29. Fill in the blanks: ____ music is for ____. New age music is for weirdos
30. What is the best thing ever? Playing Beethoven with Dr. Marosi conducting
31. Where does your loyalty lie: with your friends or with your signifigant other? Haha, loyalty
32. What should the next question be? Shut up?
33. What if the sky was purple instead of blue? Then the world would blow up
34. What is that thing over there? A figment of your imagination
35. What do you think of when I say "driving range?" A certain humorous episode in "Ash's Life"
36. Who is the mole? You
37. Do you know the muffin man? I do not have that pleasure
38. How important is money to you? Well, I don't know. It buys me stuff that helps me to live, such as:
food
water
clothing
shelter
and other various good and services
39. Why is everyone so dumb? Because they don't know the secret code
40. What exactly are "cooties?" A disease that you catch from the opposite sex. It's a mysterious disease, and very harmful.
41. Who are you, really? I'm a sinner
42. You're joking, right? Yeah right!
43. What is your favorite brand of ketchup? HEINZ
44. Would you rather live in a jungle or a boat? Jungle
45. What do you think of love? Love is for the weak
46. Which is better, the eastern or western hemisphere? They're both cool
47. Chips Ahoy, Keebler, or Publix brand cookies? Keebler..elves...
48. What is your favorite way to say goodbye? wave really fast
49. Are you a jerk? I have been a jerk before, yes
50. What is your favorite word? shindig
52. What are your thoughts about the president of the U.S? I think if he wasn't the president I would think he was really dumb
53. Can you read music? yes
54. Who is your favorite author? I like to read around, so I don't think I've read more than one thing by any one author. That's probably not true, but I still can't answer this question fully.
55. What is your favorite picture of you? I call it "kid in a candy store"
56. Is there any show or movie that you would watch for 24 hours straight if given the opportunity? LOTR
57. What does everyone mean by "insanity?" Crazy
58. Which one of these cities is the best: Cincinnati, New York, Tallahassee, Rodchester, Boston? I don't know, you tell me
59. Do you know who Emmanuel Pahud is? If so, who is he? He's only the best flute player in the world, DUH
60. What is the worst thing in the world? When you know you're right and yet nobody believes you
61. If I was meeting you for the first time, what would I notice about you right at the beginning? You would notice that I am very stupid
62. Do you like Robin Williams better as an actor or comedian? Comedian
63. How many cats do you want when you get older? Cats! A lot.
64. Are you fully grown yet? Yes, I think so.
65. Who cares? The Care Bears.
66. What do you do when you want to spend time with yourself? Ride my bike
67. Who would you vote off your family island? I would have to go with uncle mark
68. If you were to live in any time period, what would it be? the good old days
69. Does it bother you that I ended on an odd number? no

Well, I did have a lot of things to say but I forgot all of them.

In the last three days, I took my flute to the repair shop three times. The first time was because I picked my flute up to practice in third block and a range of about four notes wouldn't play. So I took it in right after school to Merritt Island and Charlie made "lots of little adjustments" and it worked again and I took it home but the next day I noticed that a key was moving very slowly which shouldn't happen. So I took it to Charlie again and he took the rod out and oiled it and gave it back and I drove straight to my lesson in Melbourne and when I tried to play my flute nothing would come out at all. My teacher found the problem but didn't know how to fix it, so she told me to take it to Charlie again which I did but I missed out on my lesson and I had a lot of stress from it all. Well, all I can say is that I'm happy that all happened at the time that it did and I didn't miss out on any playing except maybe like one practice session and my lesson.

Man, I am run-on happy today.

ANYWAY
Today was cool because I played Brahms and Beethoven all day with Dr. Marosi conducting. Plus I had some really awesome chinese food for lunch and laughed a lot on the bus ride home.
Overall, it was an awesome day.

But I also heard some truly awful news today and it breaks my heart. One of the happiest, nicest people I know, one of my only friends, is having major health problems. Pray for Emily, readers.

IN OTHER NEWS
I got an audition to New England Conservatory! Thus completing the "early waiting period" of my college search, and also completing the prescreening for my circle of colleges. I am now entering the "audition" period. I have a different audition every weekend in Februrary, each in a different city up north. In case anyone actually cares, this is what it looks like:
weekend 1-Eastman in Rodchester
weekend 2-Cincinnati Conservatory in Cincinnati
weekend 3-New England Conservatory in Boston
weekend 4-Juilliard in New York

I'm sorry if I am posting way too much info about colleges and college auditions, but it excites me! I mean, who else has the chance to travel and see so many cities and meet so many people and the flute professors and see snow and be cold and have something so exciting to practice for? I am so excited the excitement is flowing from my ears. I mean, four auditions to four of the top music schools in the nation! I have something real to work for!
This practicing that I do, it's worth something. It has paid off with this opportunity, four shining opportunities to convince a couple people that I rock on flute. This is the breaking point. And I am ready.

Ya know, I know quite a few college-bound people I know have no idea what they want to do in college not even to mention in life. But for me the choice was so easy. Music seemed like the most natural thing to do...it was really the only thing to do. What else could I do?

Thanks guys for taking my cool quiz!
I think I may take it one of these days.

So yeah...be grateful for everything. When I got my wisdom teeth out, I was so jealous of those who were able to practice and play their instruments. I would talk to people and think "I hope you appreciate your ability to play your instrument right now...because I can't play mine!" And of course, they would never be more or less appreciative then they were before. Why would they be? I wished I could play my flute so badly that I had dreams about playing Mozart Concerto in G. Seriously I did.
Not everyone can play their instrument right now.

I got a letter today from a friend. This person has hit hard times with the parents and said to me "Enjoy your parents-they are much nicer than mine, I promise!"
It woke me up. Appreciate your parents, Ashley!

Okay, remember those stupid quiz things everyone does?
I'm going to make one up, so guys can do it.

Kay here it goes:

1. What do you think of smarterchild?
2. Do you plan to someday take over the world? If so, what is your plan for world domination?
3. What is your favorite instrument?
4. What are more awesome, pirates or ninjas?
5. What is the Internet site that you frequent the most often?
6. Have you ever worn an outfit of all yellow?
7. What do you want?
8. Do you have friends?
9. What is the best name for a solo piccolo CD?
10. What should I do for solo and ensemble, Ibert or Muczynski?
11. Do you like dogs?
12. Do you think you are more awesome than me?
13. If you were the inventor of one present day object, what would you have wanted to invent?
14. What is the most important thing to you?
15. What is your favorite Lord of the Rings character?
16. Why did you leave blogger?
17. Do you like to dance?
18. What do you want people to do when you cry?
19. If you were to meet one person alive today, who would it be?
20. Ireland or Scotland?
21. Copeland or Grainger?
22. Holst or Hindemith?
23. Bach or Beethoven?
24. Are you a nerd?
25. What would you do if I punched you?
26. Have you ever had a pet ladybug?
27. Do you like the beach?
28. What is your mission?
29. Fill in the blanks: ____ music is for ____.
30. What is the best thing ever?
31. Where does your loyalty lie: with your friends or with your signifigant other?
32. What should the next question be?
33. What if the sky was purple instead of blue?
34. What is that thing over there?
35. What do you think of when I say "driving range?"
36. Who is the mole?
37. Do you know the muffin man?
38. How important is money to you?
39. Why is everyone so dumb?
40. What exactly are "cooties?"
41. Who are you, really?
42. You're joking, right?
43. What is your favorite brand of ketchup?
44. Would you rather live in a jungle or a boat?
45. What do you think of love?
46. Which is better, the eastern or western hemisphere?
47. Chips Ahoy, Keebler, or Publix brand cookies?
48. What is your favorite way to say goodbye?
49. Are you a jerk?
50. What is your favorite word?
52. What are your thoughts about the president of the U.S?
53. Can you read music?
54. Who is your favorite author?
55. What is your favorite picture of you?
56. Is there any show or movie that you would watch for 24 hours straight if given the opportunity?
57. What does everyone mean by "insanity?"
58. Which one of these cities is the best: Cincinnati, New York, Tallahassee, Rodchester, Boston?
59. Do you know who Emmanuel Pahud is? If so, who is he?
60. What is the worst thing in the world?
61. If I was meeting you for the first time, what would I notice about you right at the beginning?
62. Do you like Robin Williams better as an actor or comedian?
63. How many cats do you want when you get older?
64. Are you fully grown yet?
65. Who cares?
66. What do you do when you want to spend time with yourself?
67. Who would you vote off your family island?
68. If you were to live in any time period, what would it be?
69. Does it bother you that I ended on an odd number?

I saw White Noise. What a stupid movie.
After the movie my mom and my aunt were standing outside the bathroom waiting for me and some guy asked them what movie they saw. My aunt said "White Trash" and then we were on our way.

I need to pray more and talk less.

Well, I have developed a very painful zit/pimple/growth/whatever right where my flute sits below my lip, and it hurts to play my flute, so it looks like this weekend will be light on the flute playing. So instead of practicing all night like I planned to, I surfed the television and came upon the national figure skating championships. I love watching figure skating, and it's even better because they always skate to really awesome music.

The couple that came in first in pairs used Saint-Seans' Bacchanale (sp?) from Samson and Delilah, and the pair that came in second used a medley of arranged tunes including Moonlight Sonata, Beethoven's Ninth, and The Marriage of Figaro overture.
In the women's long program the winner, Michelle Kwan (of course), skated to Ravel's Bolero, Sascha Cohen in second place used a movement from The Nutcracker suite, and the third place winner used Debussy's Daphnis and Chloe suite no. 2 (including the flute solo!). There were also appearances by Paganini, Rachmanninof (sp?), the Beatles, and Piazolla (the tangomastahhh!) And mostly, the skaters did well. It was fun to watch, and Michelle Kwan, at 24 years old, won again for the ninth time. If skating is anything like gymnastics, 24 years old is ancient. I mean, if you compared gymnastics years to real life years, 24 would be, like, 110 or something. It's OLD.

Oh yeah and Craig if you see this, the competition is a no-go, so don't bother practicing the piano part.

"Jazz flute is for little fairy boys"

Hmmm lets see if livejournal is up yet. No? Oh that's too bad. You guys can't post anything. And I can. Hmm. What a pity that you all moved to livejournal.

Claude Debussy (1862 - 1918)
One of the
most influential and innovative composers,
Debussy grew up in France in a bourgeois family
and later entered the Paris Conservatory. As a
composer, his compositions became the musical
representative of the impressionist style.

Which Classical Music Composer Are You?
brought to you by

I love lamp.
"Do you really love the lamp, or are you just saying that because it's in front of you?"
I...I love lamp. I love lamp.

Hey all you losers who betrayed blogger to move to livejournal, guess who has posting power. I do! You don't! Your servers are down! Hahahaaa! Blogger did not lose all its information! Livejournal did! I win, you lose. Ha ha haaaa!
I will be providing all the blogging entertainment for a while. And you will LIKE IT.
(Sorry if I appear a bit over the top here, but, well, I am the sole survivor. Sorry.)

ANYWAY
This is about God, so if you don't believe in God then don't read this. Unless you want to.
We owe everything to God. He created everything. If you said to me, "I painted this beautiful picture, I have created something, and therefore God has not created everything" you would be wrong. Pick your painting apart.

Who made the paintbrush that you used to paint with? Probably a factory somewhere. But who created the factory? A person or group of people. But who gave those people the ability to create a factory? God did. Without the God-given ability to create a factory, we could not have mass-produced paintbrushes.
But, you say, I could make a paintbrush myself. I could take wood and fiber and fasten it together and have a perfectly good paintbrush. But where would you get the wood and fiber? From trees and in nature. Who created trees and nature? God did. Without the God-given trees and fibers in nature, we would not have paintbrushes at all.
But, you say, I don't need a paintbrush to paint with. I can use my finger or another various object. I don't need God's paintbrushes to create a picture. All I would need is paint and I could make that myself. The only thing I need to create paint is the right combination of chemicals. But who created those chemicals? God did. Without God-given chemicals, we would not have paint.
But, you say, even through all that, I was the one who painted the picture. I developed my own talent in painting, not God. It was me who spend all those hours in perfecting my skill, not God. But who gave you arms? Who fashioned perfectly to give you the opportunity to grow into a great painter? Who gave you the time to paint the picture? Who gave you the time to practice painting? When you practiced painting, were you really making yourself better or was God allowing you to become better? Could God take away your ability to paint well? Is your ability something you deserve through your hard work, or is it a gift, something that has been given to you?
The answer is simple: God. God gave you all of it.

I know that when I practice, I know that I am not making myself a more skilled flute player, but God is allowing me to become a more skilled flute player. Everything comes from God.

It's funny how a single event that makes you very happy can make you realize all the other little things in life that make you happy.
Right now, everything is beautiful.
Life is good.

Well I'm sorry if I am bragging but I just don't care this time because it really really deserves a good brag so DEAL WITH IT........

I have been invited to audition at Juilliard.
In yo face, losers.

Oh darn I am going to have to miss district orchestra festival to audition at Juilliard oh man I am so sad.

(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I'M EVIL!!!
EVIL EVIL EVIL!
::bangs head on wall::
GO AWAY DEVIL!

Me: Hey Brain, I have an idea!
Brain: Oh no
Me: How about being reallllly stupid
Brain: Talk to the Heart about that
Heart: What? What am I doing?
Me: Everything bad that's possible in Life right now
Heart: I am not. I'm just giving Life a little...spice.
Me: Oh heart...
Heart: I can't stop you know. It's a habit by now.
Brain: I told you it's Heart's fault. She even admits it.
Me: Heart, can you try a little bit harder to not be very stupid and overreactive? Things are not as bad as you make them out to be, trust me.
Brain: She's right, heart. Start being smart about things.
Heart: Well...I can try. But I can't promise anything.
Me: There is no try! There is only DO!
Heart: Stop yelling at me! Okay, I'll be good. Sheesh.

When you find yourself thinking about something a lot, that means you care about it. Why would you think about something you don't care about?

-------------------------

Do you ever wish that you could just tell somebody everything? Everything you know and feel and wish for? I do. Why do we hide so much? Would the world be a better place if we didn't hide anything?
My theory is that everybody is putting on a show, in one way or another. I hate to pretend, to put on shows, but I have to, we all have to. But why do we have to? That's what I'm wondering. Why do I hide so much, what good does it do me? And yet I must.

The other day I listened to Beethoven's 9th while driving. I couldn't believe how amazing it was, even after listening to it about 10 times before. There's nothing quite the same as mucic. It's just....aaahhh. I can't describe it. There's nothing to describe music. It's too...something. It's not a word, it's a feeling. Nothing like it.

Yesterday I went bowling with Shannon and Jay. I got four strikes and won two out of three games. Also, I became hard core from the blaring beats and fog machines and strobe lights and black lights and stuff.
It was fun and now I am hard core.

I just made really good use of my time and resources by making a Lord of the Rings collage using the pictures from last years's day by day calendar. I'm going to put it in the front of my humanities notebook.
:)

Why nerds are unpopular:

http://www.paulgraham.com/nerds.html

This is the 652nd post in my blogger. Way to go, me!

The Phantom of the Opera is really awesome if you don't compare it to the stage production. And if you like music.
They changed and/or removed some parts though, eh. They did what they wanted.
The only thing I really disagree with is the color choices in the Masquerade scene. Where did all the colors go? That was one of the factors that made the scene so awesome. Well, also Masquerade is the best song in the whole show. But you know. Color was awesome too.

Anyway...I'll let you guys watch it before I give anything else away. Generally, I was pleased with the movie. And I didn't want it to end.

Mrs. Ball: "Chris, you are late."
Chris: "I'm a senior. I can do whatever I want."

Masquerade
Paper faces on parade
Masquerade
Hide your face
So the world will never find you

1. Freedom from all self-pity
2. Freedom from all prejudice
3. Freedom from everything that would make you feel better than your sister

Written on the wall of the bathroom stall at Interlochen:
I am nobody.
Nobody's perfect.
Therefore, I am perfect!

Also:
In red pen:
Are you feeling alone?
In blue pen:
I hope so...this is a bathroom stall!

Someone threw something at me today (in a joking sort of way) and then said "I'm just kidding." My question is, how can you be just kidding about an action? You still threw something at me, you can't take it back. You can't be just kidding.
Not that I care. Throw stuff at me all you want, I won't stop you. Well, maybe I will. But it's the principle of the thing.

Also, I've noticed that whenever someone says "No offense, but..." the thing that follows is usually really offensive. Or if you says "Don't take this the wrong way" that's just a one way ticket to getting whatever you said taken the wrong way. They are like blaring sirens "YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE INSULTED." I know that whenever someone says these things to me I know something bad is coming. They backfire, ya know? I'm just going to stay away from these phrases.

Having student conductors for two days really makes you realize how important and skilled your teachers are. I hope they don't leave for that long for the rest of the year. And it was only two days...

The first humanities quiz was today. I was so ready. I'm going to get a high grade.

THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!!! Tonight!!! YAAAAYYYY!!!
Thanks, mom, for giving me something to look forward to all week. It's wonderful to have something to look forward to, it is not?

Ha ha haaaa I'm boycotting all-state!!

No, I don't want/need your pity.
Brain: That's right.

My left hip has a dent in the bone. It's like a speed bump. It's like that because they took bone marrow from my hip to put in the bone in my back for surgery. And now sometimes I can predict rain because my side starts hurting. It's cool. Well, my side hurting isn't cool. But predicting rain is.

Anyway. I remember a time when someone implied that girls shouldn't be sad because their boyfriends break up with them. Or shouldn't cry or something. I can't exactly remember, it was a long time ago. The reasoning the person gave is this: there are people starving in this world. There are people who have terminal illness. There are people who live under harsh living conditions. The list could go on. And since none of these things are happening to us, we have no right to be sad. But you know what? I'm pretty sure that if I was starving and then my boyfriend broke up with me, I'd still be sad because of it.
Anyway.

My mom said she'd take me to go see The Phantom of the Opera this weekend! Awesome!
Also, a new Lost is on tonight.
What could be better?

Well I'm not doing so well on my resolutions so far but there is still time.

Ahhhhhh
Stop it, brain.
Stop it, stop it, stop it.
Don't you see?
You're driving me crazy!
Brain: False accusation
(brain hands me the card)

All the many pieces I'm attempting to learn look a little less imposing when I'm not sightreading them any more.
Still no word from NEC or Juilliard ): Juilliard I'm not worried about, because they said that I would find out my audition time (if I am invited) three or four weeks before the audition, and the auditions are end of Feb-early March.
NEC, however said they would contact for an audition late Dec-early Jan. The time is passing, and no word yet. I keep getting things in the mail that I like...newsletters, letters from Interlochen buddies, flute music...but what I really want is word from colleges. Come on, colleges!

Craig:
"Hey Ash, watch me walk like a robot!"
::walks like a robot::

Alyssa (upon walking into my practice room):
"Initially, it smelled like oranges."

-------------------

Well I'm sure glad I made that decision because I'm needing it.

This year I am not going to let someone else decide what I think about. I am going to decide what enters my brain and what doesn't.
And I am going to listen to more Chieftains.

-------------------

Hey I have an idea let's all talk A LOT about going to all-state. That will make things happy.

-------------------

Ya know, every once in a while we all wish that it could go back to the way it was. We all do it. We say to ourselves, "I was truly happy back then," and we always wish that it could be like that again. But you know what? It never will be the same again. Nothing will be the same again. It's hard to stop wishing for the past, I know, but how about instead of looking back to the past looking ahead into the future? Things can be very happy in the future, although they will never be the same. How about being happy that you had that time, that you were blessed with the opportunity to have that time? And who knows, maybe you weren't really as happy as you think. Maybe you haven't even seen happy yet because it's waiting somewhere in the future. Maybe your greatest hour is still to come. For someone my age, I would hope that the greatest hour is still to come. We all tend to think that our past is all our life is, that nothing greater is ever going to come, that what we are now is what we will always be. But you never know. You never know.

When I was in gymnastics, there was a move that I was totally scared out of my mind to execute. It was a called a flyaway, and it was a dismount from the uneven bars. To do it, you would swing a couple times and then let go while swinging forward, doing a flip in the air before you hit the ground.
I wasn't scared of doing it until one day when I let go too late, smacking my feet on the bar and scaring myself silly. After that, it was a struggle to let go ever again. The fear held me back. I knew that if I just decided to do it and let go, I wouldn't get hurt.
Every practice, I would resolve to do it, to actually let go this time, but whenever the time came I would panic and hold on. This method didn't work so well, because sometimes I would resolve to let go, panic and not let go, and then resolve again at the last second, resulting in hurting myself again because I let go too late.
I worked mainly with two coaches at the time. One was understanding and tried to talk me into doing it. She would spot me for few times and then see if I was ready to do it by myself. The other coach had a zero tolerance policy: if I refused to do it three times, I would be sent out of practice. Do it or you leave. I'm not really sure which policy worked better for me, but I do know that I got sent out of practice a few times.
Throughout the competition season, the fear gradually subsided, not without extremely tough effort and lots of anger. By the end, I was doing the flyaway by myself every time, although the fear never totally went away. There was always fear, always until I let go. It is only when you let go that you know you are not going to be hurt. I think I've learned that by now.

Whatever!

Pink cats rule!

Sigh..no more real break for me, ever again. Well, possibly spring break. But probably not.
Darn you, 6:00 A.M.

Pink cats rule!

I'm sorry I'm so stupid, but I really can't help it.

I don't want the college people to go back!

What would seem to most a lack of faith to me is a lack of pain.
I finally have peace.
No more pain.
Just peace.
It's wonderful.

Unlike most parties I attend where the host serves caffine, yesterday I was not hyper one bit. I don't know what was wrong. But I sure learned how to play poker.
I guess sometimes I will just have to forget things to be happy.

Me: Go away, 2004.
2004: You don't like me anymore?
Me: I'm just ready for a new year. And a clean slate.
2004: I understand. Well, have a good time in 2005. I'll always remember you, Ashley, and I hope you'll always remember me...
2004: How could I forget you, 2004? I have learned so much from you! Mostly things about myself. No, I will never forget you.
Goodbye, 2004

I had a dream involving a friend and it made me very very unhappy.

Until 7:00 tomorrow, I don't think my life is going to be very fun...

Anyway, I went Chopin shopin (HAHAHA) today and I got a lot of cool stuff, including a shirt that says "Pink Cats Rule" and has weird looking pink creatures on it. I'm guessing they're supposed to be cats. I love that shirt.

I got to practice today. I wouldn't have had a chance if I did not leave game night earlier than usual. Ya know, when you're having fun, it's very hard to leave somewhere, and today wasn't an exception, but I thought of poor Sharko who hasn't had any air blown through him for two days and I knew what I had to do.

Breathing into an instrument to create music is gratifying.

Hey how about a story? Would you guys like that?
Ok.
Once upon a time in a faraway land there lived a cat who collected pictures of boats and sat on bean bag chairs all day long. The cat had many friends, yes, and they formed what became known as "The Bean Bag Society." Well one day the manufacturers of the beanbag stuffed animals learned of this infamous society and became very mad, the reason being that they had already formed a Bean bag Society and had intended to recruit members very soon. Well, this cat was a fighter and so, in 1746, he traveled to Iceland and the factory of forks and knives. He asked the manager, "May I please borrow some forks and knives?" and the manager was so impressed with the cat's manners that he offered to donate ten shiploads of forks and knives to the Bean Bag Society. The cat, of course, was astonshied at this kindness and readily accepted the offer. However, the manager was not very smart and ended up sending the forks and knives to a computer superstore in Austria instead. Keeping in mind that this was all in 1764, the cat wondered what a computer superstore was, but being curious like any cat would be, he followed the shipload of forks and knives and collected pictures of boats on the way. He also managed to acquire some palm tree furniture for future use in his house. Well, when he finally arrived in Austria, he discovered that the "computer superstore" had not yet been invented and so he travaled back home, discouraged about what to do. Upon beginning the meeting of the Bean Bag Society, his fellow members kicked him out, giving the reason that he had not once sat on a bean bag in two whole weeks. The cat argued that he had been tricked into trying to find the computer superstore (which, if you remember, had not been invented yet), but the members relentlessly threw bones and excercise equiptment at him. So the cat joined the other Bean Bag Society and soon discovered that its members consisted solely of packages of shredded cheese. The cat was very confused because it had before had the general idea that packages of shredded cheese could not talk nor manufature bean bags. But he realized that his theory was proven wrong and he joined with the cheese. The forks and knives eventually made it to the Societies's headquarters but the cat realized that he had no idea why he needed a 10 shiploads of forks and knives and so he tossed them into the sea, never to be heard from again. The Bean Bag Society later grew to become the most well-known Bean Bag Society known ever. Though disbanded in the late 1800s, the legacy of the late Bean Bag Society has been felt throughout all of time, and perhaps the legacy will live forever.
The end

I am exceedingly sad that I didn't get a chance to play my flute yesterday. Especially since I didn't play much the day before, and I probably won't get much chance to play today, if any.

Man, I am not going to be ready for auditions.

Someone stupid: But Ashley, you are so good! You're ready for anything.
Me: Shut up.

Oh well, at least Sea World was awesome and I have oodles and oodles of gift cards to spend today at the mall. It can't get much better than that.
Unless you add a few hours in to practice.

Today I:
-Woke up at 12:30 and cursed the lateness
-Ran the dishwasher
-Read the rest of Pride and Prejudice
-Practiced
-Went the library, checked out two books, and bought The Hobbit (25 cents!!!!!)
-Ordered a metrenome
-Wrote a cadenza (!!)
-Ate a meal of spaghetti parmesan with Chef's pasta sauce. Oh, it was wonderful.
-Used my Old Navy gift card and bought some stuff
-Listened the the whole Blues Lounge CD
-Visited my aunt and uncle's house for a bit o birthday cake and Elf-watchin.

Well, who know, maybe someone out there really does want to hear what I did all day.

Tomorrow is Sea World day!

Pride and Prejudice was awesome because I could really empathize with characters at times. I need to read more books that I can relate to. Not that I can really relate to the 17th century, but I have felt some of those emotions before. One in particular.

When there is a really good song on a CD, and a mediocre or bad song is the track right before it, I always skip the latter because I am impatient to hear the really good song. And I never end up knowing what the song before it really sounds like. It's a pity..

Well, I have much to look forward to this week. Tomorrow I'm going to Sea World, the next day I am shopping with me mum, and the next day is New Year's eve! And by that time school will be creeping closer and closer....darn school....

Have you ever waited, waited, waited so long for something that your common sense tells you to lose all hope and forget about it? And that it's not worth hoping for anymore because surely if it was to happen it wouldv'e happened by now? But you just can't lose all hope because deep down inside you still believe it will happen? Something is telling you to keep on going, and anyway your hope isn't going to change the outcome, your hope isn't going to change anything. I should lose all hope but I can't, I just can't. I'm sorry, common sense, I can't.

Oh yeah, and I am happy. Especially when I play flute. Just to let you guys know.

Do you ever get flashes of memory? I do. I'll be perfectly peaceful, and the suddenly, BOOM, my mind is attacked with a flash of memory. Just a slice of a certain minute of my life, or a couple words of a conversation I once had. Even a second-long recollection of a certain sensation can occur. These momentary flashes can create such deep emotion that I sometimes involuntarily close my eyes or hide my face. This happens a lot when I can't sleep, when my mind clearly has too much to think about to be able to rest. My eyes will be closed, and I'll be focusing on relaxation, when suddenly it HITS and my eyes fly open, suddenly wide awake again. I'll remember, sometimes things I want to remember forever, and sometimes things I wish never happened. They almost seem like dreams.

Speaking of dreams, they can be so cruel sometimes, can they not? I have had the fortune of having very few nightmares in my lifetime. I think there may have been a time in my childhood in which I dreamt with fear, but it was not very long-lived. No, mostly my dreams are either odd or excessively pleasant. The pleasant ones are the ones I dislike the most. What can you do but wish for what you cannot have after you wake up from a dream about something that will never occur? After the realization of "Oh..it was only a dream," you certainly cannot dwell on what you have, but only think about what you long for. And that is not a happy life indeed.

Hey hey hey it's blogger time!
Blog blog blog.
I am bloggin.
Yay yay yay.

Okay nothing going on in my head so bye

Well, well, well. It's Christmas time once again. And what a Christmas it was.

Jesus is born!!!

--------------------------------

Allright, allright I will list the coolest things I recieved not because I think you want to hear it but because I want to list it. Kapeesh?

-Practically the whole Chieftains collection, thanks to Craig and the wonders of CD burning.
-Putayamo Presents: World Grooves, Congo to Cuba, regular Cuba, and Blues Lounge
-A whole CD dedicated to the Jethro Tull song "Thick as a Brick." How awesome is that?
-A Hubert Laws (jazz flute) CD
-A purse with a picture a bunny hopping next to a radio. It says "hip hop" on it (SO CUTE!)
-Lots and lots of pink clothes.
-Chefs pasta sauce!!!!
-Fuzzy socks
-The ROtK extended DVD. Can anyone say Lord of the Rings marathon?
-A new Bible (mine was falling apart)
-3 bottles of Burt's Bees milk and honey body lotion.
And lots of other stuff!
Right on, everybody!!!!

-----------------------------

The funniest part of the day was when Craig and I played Christmas carols on piano and flute and my family tried to sing to them. This doesn't work well, because
A) Nobody knows the words to any of the songs, and
B) Nobody in my family can sing. Seriously.
So it was funny.

Someone in my family says (s)he has met "the one" well we'll see how that works out.

-----------------------------

It's funny how people can change their minds so quickly, have you ever noticed that? Someone can have a die-hard view on something and then something happens--they have a short conversation or watch a movie or even just a particular person can walk in the room--and their view can change immediately. It's not a bad thing but it's annoying sometimes because it is confusing.

-----------------------------

By studying four things--the way someone moves, the way someone speaks, the things (s)he chooses to say, and the things (s)he chooses to do--it's possible to get a very good idea about how someone feels, even if that person doesn't particularly want to tell you how (s)he feels.
Ya know how when you say something and you know immediately that someone has taken it the wrong way, even before they react? Or if you do something and you know that it has affected someone in a certain way, even if they don't show it? Is this intuition?
Everyone always has a "thing" that they do that just gives them away. It may be very subtle, but it's there. Sometimes it's not very subtle at all. In any case, I usually can pick it up, so many things that people do do not come as a suprise to me. I have been able to predict many an action before the action happened. Especially if that action somehow involves me, because then I pay closer attention.
But what bothers me is when I get to a person and I just can't figure that person out. I have no idea what that person is thinking, or what that person is going to do, or anything. (S)he's just UNPREDICATBLE, and I don't know what to think, or what to do, that will help me or that person. And that bothers me.
I will admit that females are harder to figure out then males. Sorry, guys.

Okay sorry my mind is going crazy again. I need to stop. Good night.

Are you achin
Yup yup
For some bacon?
Yup yup
He's a big pig,
Yup Yup
You can be a big pig too.
Woo!

I've got problems.

There's no crying in baseball.

Dude! This weather reminds me of someone I knew back in the day (Interlochen). There was this girl from Iceland in my flute section, and she had never been in a thunderstorm before. She'd never heard thunder or seen lightning. Apparently they don't have weather in Iceland. Anyway, there was a thunderstorm during one of our rehearsals, and with outdoor stages we could really feel it (outdoor but covered so we didn't get wet). Everytime it thundered this girl's eyes would light up and, with a huge smile on her face, she would point to the sky, like something magical was happening. Her mouth would drop open in complete awe everytime it lightninged (I don't think that's a verb, but eh). To me it was just awesome to see someone so completely excited about a thinderstorm. She prolly went home and told all her friends about the thunderstorm she was in. Good ol Inga.

Well, yeah, duh.

Me: I promise to you that I will practice a lot tomorrow.
Brain: Yeah just like you promised that you would not sleep in very late today, huh?
Me: That was different. I fell alseep again!
Brain: You are always making promises. And do you ever keep them?
Me: Sometimes...
Brain: Bah humbug!

Wow, I really have no life.

Today I actually went to church choir rehearsal (gasp!). It was actually really fun. I think I am the only person in the choir under the age 50.
Anyway, at one point in the rehearsal, we were trying to decide how much time we had for a piece and whether we should do one or two verses. It was for when the priest was going to be slowly walking around the church throwing incense (sp?). We decided that we needed someone to walk around the church acting as the priest while we were singing to see how long it took. So our piano player (who is a naturally funny guy) says to one of the men, "You are looking pious today. Go ahead and be the priest." The man is kind of confused on where to walk so the piano guy goes "It's easy; I'll do it in fast motion" and he proceeds to run around the church with his hands in front of him in the path that the priest usually takes. I don't know, it was just funny to see our piano player running around the church.
That is all.

I took a quiz on Quizilla with this question:

Let's say you have a lot of friends and they are surrounding you, talking incessantly. What are you thinking?
A. Shut up! Can't you see I hate you all?
B. Ah! I love my friends!
C. Do they even know me? Can they see that the outside is whole but the inside is shattered?
D. I love them but...could they be...quieter?

How am I too trusting? Tell me that.
Well, I do like the picture. It's cute :)


A:

Your Beauty liesin Innocence. Pure, sweet and child-like. You most
likely look far younger thanyou are and your smile would brighten up anyone's
day. Seen as naive andsheltered, you can be ignorant at times, but for
the most part, it's simply yourreputation preceding you. You are most likely
rather aware of the realities oflife. You are extremely good natured and
trustworthy. By the same token, you area bit too trusting. Be careful, few are as honest
and open as you. You mightseem girlish still with a love of dresses, ponies,
and things most might deemyou "too old for". But this doesn't
bother you. You enjoy your youth and aregoing to make it last. After all you are only as
old as you feel.

Some ThingsThat Represent You:

Element:Light, Wind Animal: Kitten Color:
White, Pink, Pastels Song:Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney
Expression: Innocent Smile

Gemstone:Diamond Mythological Creature: Unicorn
Planet:Moon Hair Color: White Eye Color: Silver

Quote: "Astranger is just a friend you haven't met
yet."

Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
brought to you by

There is beauty in the forest
When the trees are green and fair
There is beauty in the meadow
When wild flowers scent the air
There is beauty in the sunlight
And the soft blue beams above
Oh, the world is full of beauty
When the heart is full of love
-author unknown

Curses, why can't I eat more?
Why must I always waste?
ahhh

True story:
Today I was driving along in my car when suddenly a panic attack hit and my brain told me "You didn't start your car!" I freaked out for about a second until I realized that I couldn't have been driving along if I didn't start my car. But I thought and thought and I still could not remember starting my car before driving. So it just goes to show you that just because you don't remember something doesn't mean that it never happened.

These are quotes about the many instruments, and I have added the instrument names!
Note: As much as I agree with many of these quotes, I have not handpicked them; they are from a book I have.

"The inimitable, charming sweet tone of the oboe."
-John Banister

"One should have an easy manner at the harpsichord and avoid either staring fixedly at any object, or looking too vague."
-Francois Couperin

"Gay bells or sad, they bring you memories of half-forgotten innocent old places."
-W.B. Yeats

"The viola is a philosopher, sad and helpful; always ready to come to the aid of others, but reluctant to call attention to himself."
-Albert Lavignac

"A guitar has moonlight in it."
-James M. Cain

"The tuba is certainly the most intestinal of instruments, the very lower bowl of music."
-Peter de Vries

"The many-keyed clarinet, which can sound so ghostly in the deep chalumeau register but higher up can gleam in silvery blossoming harmony."
-Thomas Mann

"The cello is like a beautiful woman who has not grown older but younger with time, more slender, more subtle and more graceful."
-Pablo Casals

"The quality of tone of the trumpet is noble and brilliant."
-Berlioz

"The saxaphone is the embodied spirit of beer."
-Arnold Bennett

"A composition without a bass would be full of confusion and dissonance."
-Gioseffo Zarlino

"His harp, the sole instument of his way."
-James Beattie

"The flute has now achieved such perfection and evenness of tone that no further improvement remains to be desired."
-Berlioz

"My feet were all right, but I could not manage the castanets."
-Mikhail Glinka

"When drums speak out, laws hold their tounges."
-Thomas Fuller

"The trombones are too sacred for frequent use."
-Mendelssohn

"The pianoforte is the most perfect of all musical instuments: its invention was to music what the invention of printing was to poetry."
-George Bernard Shaw

"The wedding guest here beat his breast, for he heard the loud bassoon."
-Samuel Taylor Coleridge

"The horn is perhaps the least efficient of all intruments in the brass family, but it produces the most beautiful tone."
-Barry Tuckwell

"When the organ joins the tuneful Qire, Th' Immortal Pow'rs incline their Ear."
-Alexander Pope

"The percussion acts as a central heating system."
-Stavinsky

"Did buy a recorder, which I do intend to learn to play on, the sound of it being, of all sounds in the world, most pleasing to me."
-Samuel Pepys

"The mark of a good sitar player is the ability to improvise extensively without abandoning the laid down set of rules defining the raag."
-Jameela Siddiqi

Sorry I missed one:
"The true mission of the violin is to imitate the accents of a human voice, a noble mission that has earned for the violin the glory of being called the king of instruments."
-Charles-Auguste De Beriot

This is probably going to be a long random post because I have a lot of time to do nothing since el flauto non practico. Or something.
And nobody wants to go to bed at 11:30 when they can sleep in as late as they want! Come on now!

So I've talked about listening to songs that make you really happy and remind you of good times, but today I pulled out an old CD that reminded me of being mad and misunderstood. Well, I think we all think we are misunderstood at some level and I think we all are misunderstood at some level but that's not the point.
Why are some people so mean sometimes? That's what I want to know. I like it when people like me. I am happy when others around me are happy. I would think that everyone likes when people like them (yeah), and everyone is happy when others around them are happy. So then why are some people just always...mean? That's not to say that I'm never mean and I always make people happy; no, no, I always try but sometimes moods etc. take over. But some people don't understand that life is a million times better when one is kind. How can you not have figured that out by now?

Also, how does one prevent being annoying? I know some people who are the sweetest people in the world but nobody really likes them a whole lot because they are annoying, either by talking too much, being clingy, talking about stupid things...Anyway, I classify myself as "annoying" but it's because I am annoying on purpose, not because it's part of my persona. At least I hope so.

Mr. Spinale says "The bottom line" a lot.

I have figured some things out about myself. I have been avoiding admitting these things to myself but I have finally done it and it's all downhill from here.

Now, downhill is getting easier, right? Because in every other sense, going down is a bad thing (You ascend up into heaven. A "higher" rank is better. You get the "highest" honor for something. When you are really happy and spaced out you are "high." ["You're bringin me down, man."]), but I guess when it comes to hills, it's easier to go down than up. I've always thought of "going downhill" as being the easy way out but not neccessarily the best way. I also think that "neccessarily" and "fareinheight" are two of the hardest words to spell ever and I prolly didn't even spell them correctly so get off my case man. So "going uphill" is getting harder, right?

I know it would be healing to share these things that I have discovered but I still have my STUPID walls that you STUPID guys created and my need to be different so I will not share.
There I just shared one.

Why the piccolo in Db? That's what I want to know. Why in the world did someone create a piccolo in Db?
And composers need to learn the range of the (C) piccolo. Seriously, guys, it's not the same as flute. So don't be writing any low Db's or C's or anything higher than high C. Though I can't fathom (haha fathom) why in the world someone would want to write something for piccolo that's higher than a C. Seriously. Or if I'm British, honestly.

Some composer's quote of first hearing the serpent:
"What the devil is that?"

Can you identify these well-known composers by their first name?
100 points to whoever can name them all; some even overlap.
Aram. Wolfgang. Gustav. Franz. Georg. Aaron. Samuel. Johannes. Georges. Robert. Richard. Bela. Claude. Ludwig. Antonio. William. Leonard. Domenico. Benjamin. Christoph. Dmitri. Joseph. Paul. Carl. Sergei. Hector. Igor. Felix. Francis. Frederic. Arnold. Charles. Percy. Modest. Alexander. Nikolay. Ralph. Peter. Erik. Bedrich. Maurice. Giacomo. Edward. Gabriel. Camille. Arthur. Jacques. Jean. Giuseppe. John.

Wow. Composers have funny names.

I got an audition invitaion from Cincinnati Conservatory!!!
Now all I need is one NEC and Juilliard and I'll be on my way to world domination.

There are certain times in my past that, whenever I think about them, I cannot help smiling about. My party yesterday is one of those times.

Things are just better when you're on vacation.

Wow! Thanks to all my fine guests, this year's Chirstmas party was a blast!
Also, everyone present helped clean up! Right on!
Thanks, my fine guests!

My mom is so awesome.
Two days ago, I had a lot to do the before Shannon's party, one of the activities being making cookies for my party (the next day). She saw that I was so busy, and wanting me to be able to go to the party and have fun, she offered to make the cookies for me. And she made all of them!
Then, she offered to go shopping for the fondue stuff, and she did that on her own.
Then the next day she woke up early in the morning, woke me up to go to the church, and made a lunch for me to eat while traveling from church to FSYO.
Then today at the party she went in her room and left the whole party alone, trusting me to have a party without parent supervision, and not ever complaining when things got too loud, even when people were screaming their brains out at 1:00 at night. Plus she has to wake up for work at like 6:00 this morning.
I didn't ask her to do any of this, she just did it on her own.
My mom is the best mom ever.

I told you I don't deserve my family.

And now it's a loong vacation of doing nothing (nothing haha yeah right). It may be my last lazy vacation ever, so I must enjoy it heartily.

It's getting better all the time!

SUGAR SUGAR HYPER SUGAR RUN SUGAR HYPER EXTREME SUGAR ENERGY HYPER MUST RUN SUGAR
zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

How lucky I am.
I do not deserve this family nor this life.
And yet I have them.
Thanks be to God.

Why?
A. Because I said so
B. Why not?
C. The world may never know
D. Because you are stupid and I am not
E. Because that's the way it has always been
F. Shut up
G. None of the above

I got accepted to FSU!
Wait a minute...
that was two months ago...
Ah well.
I am still accepted to FSU!

Ya know what? The postal sevice isn't very efficient. It takes weeks to get things mailed sometimes. You'd think that someone would have thought of a better way to deliver mail by now. But nobody has, and we are still using the same postal delivery service as we have since Mr. Franklin...or something like that. Well, at least we don't have taxes on the postal service. Yet.
And no, mr smarty pants, email is not an adequate alternative to letters. Dummy.

Somehow I took a three hour nap today. Don't ask me how that ended up happening. I think I might've been hungry and the low energy allowed me to sleep. When I finally woke up I felt like a zombie. Not that I know what a zombie feels like or anything.

I have a car and a liscence. How awesome is that?

We are playing folk festival by shostakovich in allcounty band! Yaaay!

Hot dog, bicycle, hot dog, bicycle
Bot dog, hicycle, bot dog, hicycle
Dot hog, bicycle, dot hog, bicycle

Man! Seriously!

I've got rhythm,
I've got music,
I've got...some other stuff
Who could ask for anything more?

At Interlochen the british crew would say "honestly" instead of my "seriously" and it's funny.

::does the moonwalk::
I can SO do the moonwalk

Much of my deep spiritual thinking is done when I'm taking a shower. Is that normal?

There's a fine line between showing off and practicing, and I haven't quite figured it out yet. Once I was in the warm-up room before a solo and ensemble and I was practicing a tough run from my piccolo solo. Some really cool guy next to me heard me playing and did the thing where you cough and say a word at the same time and he said "coughshowoff." I stopped playing and just looked at him, astounded that someone would have the nerve to actually do that to a stranger. He pretended that I hadn't heard him and he kept on talking to his buddy, but I was on the edge of giving him a good punch in the face. Really, I was. But I took too long to decide what to do about him so I ended up doing nothing. Oh well.
The question is, when is somebody showing off? I could be warming up by playing scales really fast, that is an accepted flute warm up (I do it all the time), is it showing off? No! To me, it's just warming up. But others may think different (differently?)
On the other hand, if people are gathered around me and I play something really awesome, is that showing off? Well, yeah, it kind of is. After all, I am playing something impressive to try to convince them of my awesomeness. But would they think I am showing off? Probably not, they think I am playing for them, not to improve their view of me, but to entertain them.
The moral of the story: You never know who is showing off and who isn't. So just shut your trap about it.
Kapeesh?

Yay tonight is another beating!

Ha ha ha ha ha haaaa..
I am at home now and you are at school!
you are at school!
Ha ha ha ha ha haaaa..

Hey today in first block I was really hyper. I mean, like sugar high hyper. And that is one of my quiet classes, I never say anything. Everyone thought I like took drugs or something this morning and I don't really know why I was hyper but I was and it was funny. I was talking really loud without really realizing it...yeah...

Anyway, I had something real to say but I lost it. Oh well.

I have a big family. And unless they somehow all die or disappear, I know I will always have someone to turn to. Today I didn't have to worry about having a loving family. The chances are in my favor that I will never have to worry about having a loving family. That's pretty dang special.

MY CHRISTMAS PARTY HAS BEEN CHANGED TO THIS SUNDAY AROUND 7:00.
Sorry about the whole asking off of work thing. I didn't know I was going to change it, but Erin can't go at all if it is on Monday. And we all definitely want Erin to be able to go, don't we?
If you can only go later, that's fine. It's probably going to last until the wee hours of the night anyway.

Me: Hmm maybe I should study for exams....naaah.
Brain: For once I agree with you. Now go practice.

Tonight I will dream about random things. Yes...lots and lots of random things.

Today I ate a Milky Way and it was really good. The thing about food is, something just doesn't taste as good if you eat it all the time. You get used to the taste...you even expect it after a while. For example, the only popcorn I eat at home is kettle corn. And now other popcorns just don't taste as good. It's sad.

I had a dream set at Interlochen last night. I'm starting to miss it a lot. The people and places now, not just the music.

But it's all good and I am happy.
Keep making me happy, life.
Life: If you insist
:)

Today the sunlight warmed me and gave me life and light. Today I did not have to worry about having the sun.

I have a good feeling. It's all warm and fuzzy inside. Everything was the same for a long time but now everything is changing. You say, "but everything is always changing!" Yes it is. To turn, turn wil be our delight, till by turning, turning we come round right.

Brain: Ashley! What are you doing? Tear down those walls!
Me: I...
Brain: You can't, right? Don't give me that bull. You've used that excuse for too long.
Me: It's so hard...
Brain: You are going to have to sooner or later. Or else you will be lonely like this for the rest of your life.
Me: I...don't know if I can yet. But I will try. It's been so long...

Haha at a cabin time at Interlochen we wrote letters to ourselves and our counselor planned to send them to us at Christmas. I got mine today and it's awesome. At one part I wrote "In your face, future Ashley!" I'm so silly. Silly billy.

Wow. Today was just...wow. Awesome.

Today was the most I have ever felt like I belonged to an orchestra. If that makes any sense. We sightread Beethoven 5 and it was just amazing. The piece is much harder than it sounds, and it takes loads of concentration. It was so inspiring to be sitting there playing such music with everbody. I felt like everbody there was there for me and I was there for all of them. We were all there for each other. We were a team, a unit. All of us were important. I can't describe it, it was just...wow. It strenthened my love of the orchestra. I love it. And I love you.

Too much..it's too much...IT'S TOO MUCH.

Monday Dec. 20 is going to be my Christmas party. So those of you who work, ASK OFF. And if they don't let you off, then destroy.
I am specifically speaking to Erin, Alyssa K, Albert, Natalia, Josh, and Asher. And any others who work that I don't know about. If you foos have to work during my Christmas party, I am going to be mad and maybe destroy. And you won't get a Christmas present. So there.

Today I made/am going to make lots of people happy. I practiced for a church cantata, wrapped gifts for free at Miracle City Mall, and I am going to march in the Titusville parade. Today I didn't have to look for ways to put my energy to good use. Thank you for these opportunities!

Shannon, I think you misinterpreted my last post. The general idea was that I want to/need to learn more about my own religion. I know what I can and cannot do regarding religions. Please don't be sad for me. I'm not sad for me.

The song "In the Tiki Room" can be a double tounging excersise if you use different vowels. For example, I could say "In the tuku tuku tuku tuku tuku room" instead of "in the tiki tiki tiki tiki tiki room." It's kind of like that apples and bananas song.
"Ypples and Bynynys"

Today I walked everwhere I went (except when I drove). I had the strength to walk many miles, to carry heavy loads, and even to walk up stairs. Today, I didn't have to worry about being able to walk.

Well, there was no mistaking the intention this time. But it's okay; no pain no gain. I am stronger than before.
There has to be a reason that I was born a Catholic. There is a reason. I am going to find it.
In the meantime, I will be looking forward to the celebration of the birth of the only person in my life: Jesus.

and stuff...

Music! Today I woke up to music! I created music! Music kept my spirits high! Today I am thankful for music!

Sometimes when I'm walking around school, say from zero to first block, I'll have to tell myself to slow down, because I am walking much too fast and I am not enjoying anything. And sometimes, say when I'm in class, I'll use some mad Alexander technique skills and tell myself to lengthen and widen, to release all tension and to not worry. I think everyone should know about Alexander technique. It really has changed my life.
It's funny that everyone I talked to who took Alexander technique at Cannon thought it was hokey but everyone I talked to who took it at Interlochen thought it was amazing. I, for my part, took it at Cannon and thought it was amazing.
If you don't know about it, it's basically being able to do normal everyday things-lifting a book, getting out of a chair, walking up the stairs-with more freedom and no tension. If you ever have the chance, learn about it. And take it seriously, because it's easy to laugh at but if you laugh it won't work right.

Fredrick Fenell died :(

I GOT THE CHIEFTAINS CHRISTMAS ALBUM!!!