Me, to the girl next to me in nutrition: "While walking here, did you get the feeling at all that you were walking to your doom?"

Her: "That would describe it perfectly."

Since I've been at college, procrastination has slowly become a part of me. It is so integrated into my daily life now that I hardly even notice it anymore.
There are different levels of procrastination. As you go down in number, the procrastinaion becomes more and more useless and less accpetable:

1) The first level is practicing. Some wouldn't consider this procrastination, but you wouldn't believe how may times I should be writing a paper but find myself practicing instead. This is the most acceptable and productive form of procrastination, and I spend the most time doing it.

2) Checking email. I have two email accounts, and I check them both at the very least three times a day. This is something I would have to do anyway, so it's semiproductive, but I do it obessively, wasting time. Also, checking email gets me sitting in front of the computer, which often leads to the more deadly forms of procrastination seen below.

3) Checking livejournal and facebook. I also check these websites obesessively. Livejournal usually doesn't take that long to check (though I can check it at 5 minute intervals), but there are so many different aspects of facebook to delve into that I can spend a good hour just exploring the site. One could make the argument that these sites help keep in touch with people, so it's also semiuseful. These website may be fatal at times.

4) Playing spider solitiare and freecell. One game seems so innocent. If I win the game, I'll have to play again to see if I have a "winning streak" going, and if I lose, I'll have to play until I win. And then I have to give the other game a go while I'm at it. I never lose freecell, so I refuse to just lazily go through the game and make a stupid mistake, so sometimes I just sit there and stare at the screen for extended amounts of time, just trying to figure out what to do. These games seem the most attractive when I have something important to do.

5) Checking myspace: my ultimate form of procrastination. I really hate that website, so I try to avoid it at all costs. When I check myspace, I know I'm really trying to procrastinate. Unfortunately, I usually end up checking it about once a day, which is really saying something about my procrastination skills. But whenever I check it, I make sure not to get sidetracked. I just check and leave, maybe write something on the flute group message board. What a disgusting website.

You may have noticed that writing in my blogger is not on the list. This is because the time I spend writing in blogger has not increased since I've been at college, I don't ever really use it to procrastinate: it's just something I do when I feel like it.

So there you have it. What should I do now? A nice game of spider solitaire sounds good...

Exams, study, blah blah blah...

I got a bunch of CDs today from the music library, and it made me so happy. I feel like it's my birthday. It's the first time I've really taken advantage of the music library for CDs that I have always wanted but never gotten. Here are JUST SOME of the things on my many CDs:

Complete collection of Brahms symphonies
Paula Robison playing Barber and Copland and other stuff
Copland! Lots of stuff (I can't get enough of his music)
"Visionary duos" for flute and piano
Beethoven symphonies: 1, 3, 7, 8, 9
And some stuff by Stravinsky, Bach, Mendelssohn, Mahler, Bruckner, Strauss, Hindemith, and Shubert.

I know, you're jealous.

People, look east. The time is near
Of the crowning of the year.
Make your house fair as you are able,
Trim the hearth and set the table.
People, look east and sing today:
Love the guest is on the way.

Ashley: keep your window clean.

Today was great, even though I didn't do anything productive.

Note to self:
Move car
Copy music
Return music to library
Don't forget meeting at 5:35 tomorrow
Third inversion dominant resolves to first inversion tonic
There is something else that I am forgetting: remember it.
Turn in program for recital credit
E-mail Deanna lesson times

FLUTE GALA RECITAL
Today! Dec 10
1:00 PM
Lindsey Recital Hall
This is what I auditioned for (and made!). I'm playing Massenet's Meditation from Thais. Also, flute choir is playing (yay). And some other people are playing too.

A girl named Ashley Stahl from a college called "Redlands" wanted to be my friend on facebook.

I rejected her.

I listen to Bob Marley on Fridays in memory of Magister. My roomate thinks I'm crazy.

Man I miss you.

Mr. Muscle sez:
"I want a mint chocolate milkshake!"

I had a fight with Tchiakovsky yesterday. It wasn't pretty. Our friendship is over.

Stravinsky is not as mean as he used to be, though.

Originally, I was going to be in band at Interlochen. About a week before I left, I got a letter that switched me from band to orchestra. Someone had obviously dropped out, and I was the next in line to take her place. I dreamed about winning the concerto competition and playing principle in the World Youth Symphony Orchestra, but I knew that realisticly (sp?), neither of those would really happen. After all, I just barely made it into orchestra.

When I arrived at Interlochen, I was amazed and scared. I didn't know anybody, and I didn't know how to get anywhere. And everyone was really good. And although I didn't exactly have a bad first audition, I know that I could've done better. I was completely intimidated.
I ended up near the end, as I had expected. I was third chair in the second orchestra, but I had a great time. The flute section was good, and I got to play piccolo a lot.

Being the ambitious person that I am (and was), I wanted to do better at the second audition. The flutes in my orchestra were good, yes, but I knew that I had one thing over them: drive. So I practiced. I practiced a lot. I practiced when I had an hour break between classes. I practiced instead of getting ice cream. I practiced during the dances. I practiced whenever I could. And I'm pretty sure that I got a lot better.

I was so nervous for my second audition. I was scheduled as the first person to audition (not by my choice, by the way), and I woke up almost shaking. This is the culmination of all my past work. This is the day. I got to the audition site before anyone else, and I practiced outside. It calmed me down just a little.

Slowly, more flute players arrived to warm up and my heart started beating again. I tried not to pay attention to them. Finally, the auditioners came. They had trouble unlocking the door to the room, so we all started nervously chatting with each other. A few minutes later, it was time. During my audition, I felt strangely calm and happy. Again, I didn't do my best, but, considering the circumstances, I was happy with the music that came out of my flute. I was a bit depressed afterward that I had practiced so hard with a less-than-best result. I avoided people so they wouldn't ask me how my audition went.

I read a little and practiced piano. It was all trying to take my mind off the auditions. Somethings worked, some things didn't, but the weight was not lifted off me, so to speak. It was so stressful. Later in the day, I had a concert and then watched a concert (a WYSO concert, ironically enough). It was such a hard day, waiting for the results. They meant so much to me.

Throughout the day, I heard about others' auditions. Most people were not happy. Some said they did horribly. By the time it was time to look at the results, I thought I had a decent shot at making WYSO, the top orchestra. I secretly wondered if I should have been in WYSO before, but I don't complain about such things. I really admired some of the flute players there, so I was just aiming for a spot in WYSO.

I practically ran back from the WYSO concert to catch the audition results, but when I got there, they weren't up yet. As soon as someone said they'd be up tomorrow, a golf cart drove up with one of the orchestra managers seated in it, clutching a stack of papers...the results!!! My heart started beating on overload. For some reason, I get even more nervous when I see results than when I audition.

The manager takes a long time--it seemed like eternity!-- to post the results. When she walked away, a hoard of people crowded around to get a look. The orchestra results were on top, and I was being crowded out , so I had a hard time seeing. My eyes slowly started to focus. I finally found what I was looking for. Little by little I could make out "Worl Youth Symphony Orchestra." I found the word "flute," but I couldn't read any of the names. I climbed onto a nearby ledge and leaned in a little closer. Finally I saw that right below the word "flute" read "1. Ashley Stahl."

I shouted "WHAT!?!" and ran back to the cabin as fast as I could (which was a difficult feat, with the shoes I was wearing.) I burst through the door and breathlessly shouted to those present, "I MADE FIRST CHAIR WYSO!!!!" Everyone's eyes lit up as they screamed and surrounded me with hugs.
But then I started having doubts. How could that be possible? I did have a lot of difficulty seeing, maybe I read it wrong? I had to go back and check it again.

Some of my cabinmates joined me as we power-walked back to the board. The sun was setting, making it harder to see, and the crowd was even bigger this time. I almost hurt myself trying to get close enought to see. I saw "High School Concert Orchestra" and my name wasn't under "flute," so it must be true! Finally, it hit me what this meant. I MADE FIRST CHAIR IN THE BEST HIGH SCHOOL ORCHESTRA IN THE COUNTRY-one of the best in the world! How could this be possible? I kept asking myself that. BUt it was real. It really happened. I did it!

The first thing I did to celebrate was to call my parents. As soon as my mom heard, she yelled "Holy Guacamole!" Obviously, she was very happy. Throughout the conversation, my cabinmates kept randomly running by, yelling "First chair WYSO!" into the phone.
Then I called Ms. Clew, and she was also very proud. "You are terrific!" she said. We talked until the trumpet call played, and I had to go back.

A celebration was going on for me back at the cabin. The room exploded when I walked in, and "We Are The Champions" was playing on the CD player. Every single person in the cabin congratulated me, and I got more hugs that night than I can remember. Coincidentally, half of a chocolate cake showed up that night (that's big news in the Interlochen world). Someone took a polariod picture of me in a victory stance (someone sent me the picture, I still have it), and the cabin rang with the constant shout "First chair WYSO from third chair HSCO!!" It was the best feeling in the world, and I couldn't stop smiling from ear to ear.

Unfortunately, the festivities had to end at lights out, and I crawled into bed with my flashlight, my two books, and a silly grin. I couldn't sleep until two hours later, even though the cabin was quiter than it's ever been.

When I woke up for lineup the next day, I rolled out of bed and smiled sleepily. In one hour was my first rehearsal with WYSO! I felt like a princess walking to breakfast and rehearsal. Th erehearsal was just plain amazing. I couldn't believe how lucky I was, how generous God was. A friend told me after rehearsal that I sounded even better than she had thought.

A lot of people were mad about where they were placed. Yes, I did feel bad for those who had moved down, but yes I do think I deserved what I recieved. I'm sorry for them but happy for me. I didn't care. I was first chair, and I'd never be able to thank God enough. My only thoughts were "THANK YOU, INFINITY!"

Fun! Here are the first sentences of each month this year:

January:
Unlike most parties I attend where the host serves caffine, yesterday I was not hyper one bit.

February:
Eastman audition in two days!

March:
College people come home next week!

April:
When Irish Eyes Are Smiling

May:
All work no play.

June:
I MISS INTERLOCHEN.

July:
I love how God made us all so different and unique.

August:
Jesus didn't tell the crowd to leave, although He probably wanted to be alone.

September:
I'm in orchestra!.....oh wait, no I'm not.

October:
Last night, I stayed up till 7 in the morning with my suitemate and some of her friends.

November:
I didn't play as well as I could have.

December:
I was very hypoglycemic today.

I really spend WAAAAAY too much time playing spider solitare are freecell.

So, this Sunday at 6:00 is:
1) The flute studio Christmas party
2) The Catholic Student Union Christmas party
3) The Cawthon Christmas party
4) Shannon's skit thing with her church
5) The time I usually go to church

OK, guys, not funny. Stop making stuff Sunday at 6:00.
Well, at least the decision is made for me. I have to go to the flute studio Christmas party because:
1) Flute choir is playing at it, and
2) It's "expected of me."

Seeweuswy. (That's "seriously" in Ash/Sarah talk).

It's raining today in Tallahassee. I feel sorry for the people walking around campus without an umbrella.

It always bothered me just a little that you can't stand under the center of an umbrella. The handle is always in the way. The center would be the place to stand for optimal rain protection. Of course, the centrally located handle makes umbrellas perfect for two people to use. One can stand on one side of the handle and the other person on the other side. Maybe the umbrella companies are trying to tell us something. Should we share the wealth? I always find that sharing an umbrella doesn't work too well. Even with a very large umbrella, both people are going to get wet. Though one umbrella for two people is arguably better than one umbrella for one person and no umbrella for another.

They should make umbrellas wth a handle on the side for people like me who don't have anybody to share with.

I took a personality test and this was my "trait snapshot." I think it's pretty darn accurate:

secretive, organized, clean, rarely worries, solitary, high self control, dislikes large parties, prefers organized to unpredictable, prudent, observer, tough, self reliant, very good at saving money, introverted, perfectionist, mind over heart, not controlling of others, hard working, confident, resolute, solitary, does not make friends easily, finisher, does not like to stand out, very practical, intellectual, unsympathetic at times, honest, respects authority, follows the rules, cautious

I just realized how much the Simon and Garfunkel's song "I am a Rock" is the story of my life (the only change would be that instead of books and poetry protecting me, it's music).

A rock feels no pain, and and island never cries!

I have reason to believe that we all will be received in Graceland.

Thank you, happy, for making me happy.

I was very hypoglycemic today.
The world fades away. All energy disappears. It takes so much effort to do anything: to think, to laugh, to stand up. Everything everyone says or does is confusing. Coldness prevails.
It made prism much less fun than it could have been.

However, I saw the tri-state dudes, and that was way cool.

Note to self: stay away from energy gum

I made the gala recital. Just wow.

I can't even believe how happy I am right now. In a span of three days, I've made intercollegiate band, the college young artist competition, and the flute gala recital, one right after the other. I thought being a freshman at college meant something, that you're back down at the bottom of the barrel, but I guess not.

For as much as I would have loved to play the Ibert, I think it was probably a good choice to switch to Massenet. I think it also helped that I was feeling particularly confident yesterday when I auditioned. I was hardly nervous at all! There's always that stupid voice in my head that tries to distract me from the music, and I yesterday I said to it, "Shut up. I'm playing music." So it shut up for once. And I played music!

And NOW I'm getting ready for my first ever (first time performing, that is) Prism concert! BAND EXTRAVAGANZA! I'm excited. I love college! Can I just stay here, in this day, for the rest of my life?

In the words of Harold Ziedler,
"EVERYTHING'S GOING SO WELL!!"

This is post number 1111.

I searched google for "flute fingering chart" and "fourth octave" together, and almost every site it came up with was a porn site.
?

I'm a college young artist finalist!!!!!!!

Ya know the high school flute competition that I was a finalist for two years, winning the second year?
I made the college division! As a freshman! Playing a really awesome piece that I'm going to get to study extensively now! Frank Martin, I love you!

Katie, if you're a finalist, we're going to have to team up and win this thing so Mrs. Clew can explode with joy.

I made intercollegiate band!

It's the college version of all-state (except not really because you are accepted based on a resume and recommendation, not an audition, but we'll just ignore that part). There are two bands: the intercollegiate band (the good one, that everyone wants to be in), and the reading band (which plays new high school tunes for the band directors there). Everyone who doesn't make intercollegiate band makes the reading band. I made the intercollegiate band!
As part of the FMEA convention, it's at the same time and place as all-state, so I'm prolly going to get to see the all-state concerts and people while I'm there. Yay! I'm excited to see Katie and Colin in orchestra. I wonder what they're playing.

From FSU, seven people including me made the intercollegiate band and three made the reading band. I don't know any of these people, so I'm pretty sure that I'm going to make friends here. I'm such a freshman.

The best part is that Dr. Croft is the conductor. I love that man.

--------------------------------

IN OTHER NEWS
I got home at about 4:30 last night. I've been skipping classes right and left to sleep today. I'm still kind of out of it. I think I'm going to go straight to sleep after the flute choir rehearsal today.

The flute gala recital audition is tomorrow. I've been working on the first and second movement of the Ibert concerto for this audition, but since I'm a weenie I'm going to play Massenet again. No taking chances. Maybe next time.
The thing is, they said they are looking for the most musical performances, and besides the fact that I don't even have the technique to play Ibert up to tempo yet, the Massenet is just a naturally more musical piece. And I could use some more performance experience on it, seeing as it's the required audition piece for next semester. And I have never rehearsed Ibert with a pianist, so the collaboration might be a problem. It has a mad piano part, that Ibert.

Also, I left my brush at home and I'm kind sad about that.

I'm pretty sure that nobody cares about any of this, but I'm writing it nonetheless.

My tone on flute has become less restricted and more free.
I thought I had a great tone before, but I didn't.
My throat was tight, my breathing was labored, and my air was unsteady.
I was tense.
I had little freedom of expression.
Everything I played sounded the same.
I didn't know any of this at the time.
I didn't see.
My eyes were not open.

This change parallels the rest of my life.
Everything works together.
Everything is connected.
My tone has become more free, and I have in turn become more free in life.
I didn't even know that there was a problem.
But now I do.

So what if there's a little air in your sound? It's healthy air. It won't travel from the stage to the audience. It means that your notes won't crack.

I had a lot of fun last night, and I was not restricted.
It doesn't matter anymore.
My eyes have been opened.

Why did I speed so much in high school?
Was I always in a hurry to go everywhere,
or
did I just not like the idea of someone else going faster than me?

I've noticed that I don't speed nearly as badly anymore.

Happy Thanksgiving yesterday.
I pray that we all may remember that the point of the holiday is not to eat turkey and watch football.

OFF TOPIC
What would you do with 48 million dollars? It's fun to think about.

Things to look forward to in Ashley's life:
A bike ride tomorrow
Prism and tri-state fun
Christmas
FMEA intercollegiate band
Touring with symphonic band
Flute fair
Cruise
London

I'm thankful for life
(in every sense of the word).

SYMPHONIC BAND CONCERT
Tonight, Nov 22
8:00 PM
RUBY DIAMOND

It's gonna be crazy!

I just did really badly on a nutrition test.
It reminded me of that one physics test that I got a 60 on back in junior year (that time, there happened to be a 30 point curve, so I acutally ended up with an A...but that's besides the point.)
Every question was just like, I have never heard that word before and I have have no idea what this question is asking and I don't remember learning this at all.

I'm pretty sure that science is my weakness, which is crazy because I'm really good at math and music theory, which use the same side of the brain. Stupid science.

To give the failure some credit, I really didn't study as much as I should have.

And now I'm really sad. I don't get bad grades on tests. I get A's. I GET A'S.

Maybe I should just learn once and for all that success isn't everything. That grades aren't synomynous (sp?) with moral character. That it's OKAY to fail once in a while. Maybe I needed to fail a test to really find this out. After all, there is a reason for everything.

Life will not end with a bad test grade. Believe me, Ashley.
(Unless, of course, you fail the course entirely, because our friends politicians decided that retaking classes for a better grade costs too much money, so we'll have to live with that big fat F on our GPA for all of eternity. The end.)

I had one of THOSE moments today.
You know, those moments that remind you why you are sacrificing everything for music?

I was practicing my orchestral excerpts, and I got to Beethoven's 3rd symphony. The excerpt isn't too techinically difficult until a flurry of really fast tounged 16th notes near the end. I was taking it slow and working my way up, until my brain said, "Hey Ash, just try it at tempo. See what it sounds like." So I set my metrenome to 137 bpm and began the excerpt. When I got to the sixteenths, I don't know what happened; everything just clicked. I executed the passage perfectly. I didn't even know what I was doing. Magic.
When I finished playing it, I yelled out, "Yes! That's what it's supposed to sound like!" And I didn't care who heard me, because for that moment, I ruled the world.

I love those moments.

Why do we feel angry? Because we feel that some injustice is being done to us or to the world? So is it our duty to attempt to resolve the problem that we feel angry about? What if we solve the problem, but the solution leads to more anger? What both the problem and the solution are confrontational? Is it better to let the problem persist? What if the problem creates many moments of anger, and the solution will stop the anger but end a friendship? Why can't we all just get along? Why do we have to hide so much? Why can't we just say what we think about things? Why can't we express our anger in constructive ways? Why does anger often lead us to act rashly and create more anger? Is it possible to live a life in which I don't have to hide my anger and other emotions? Why do I feel unable to express my anger to those who express anger toward me? Why does society allow us to feel only some emotions freely? Why can't we stand up for ourselves in the face of anger? Why can't we just face confrontation head-on and resolve problems maturely instead of weakly wearing a pout and boiling up inside? Why can't we just think about other's feelings before we do things? Is that so difficult?

Yesterday, Mr. Krienes was supposed to conduct a transcription of his during a wind orchestra concert here at FSU. When it came time for him to come out, Dr. Clary came out instead. He said that Mr. Krienes had grown very ill overnight and was currently at the Tallhassee hospital having some tests done. He said that Mr. Krienes will be able to go back to Melbourne for some longer-term treatment.

It doesn't sound good, guys.

I need to practice.
I should go do that.

I always waste a lot of time in the practice rooms with mirrors in them because I make stupid faces in the mirrors.

I KICK COMPUTER
COMPUTER FALL BOOM
BYE BYE, COMPUTER

(That's what happens in my head.)

1 year ago:
- I was stressing out about college auditions
- I never drank 2% milk
- I was a member of FSYO

Yesterday:
- I played in a recital
- I went to Rebecca's place
- I played a piece from memory while lying on my bed

5 snacks I enjoy:
- Kettle korn (yes, korn)
- Polly-O cheese sticks
- Fruit smiles
- Kudos bars
- Ice cream

5 songs I know all the words to:
- Allstar (Smash Mouth)
- Pretty much any Lion King song
- Elephant Love Medley
- The Devil Went Down to Georgia
- Thick as a Brick (Jethro Tull)

5 things I would do with 100 dollars:
- Save up for a new flute
- Buy Christmas presents
- Put aside for accompanists
- Buy my year's supply of groceries
- Start a retirement account

3 places I would run away to:
(I'm going to add that I would probably never run away anywhere, these are just hypothetical places)
- California
- Ireland
- Key West

1 thing I would never wear:
- A really short skirt

5 favorite shows:
- Lost
- Seinfeld
- The Powerpuff Girls
- Late Night with Conan O'Brian
- Whose Line is it Anyway?

5 bad habits:
- Wasting time by doing things like this
- Not doing my dishes
- Eating lots of sugar
- Thinking only for myself
- Taking more food than I can eat

5 biggest joys:
- Realizing that I'm loved
- Deserved succeess
- Making people laugh
- Having a truly spiritual moment
- Playing certain pieces

5 fictional characters I would date:
- Frodo Baggins
- The Phantom (of the opera)
- Westley
- Will Turner
- Captain Jack Sparrow

I am a GOOD flute player.
I can play Massanet beautifully.
I CAN!
I've done it before.
Many times!

But it didn't happen today.
Oh well.

As my teacher said, "It's only one point on the line."
And as I say, "Everything happens for a reason."

I think I'm not as confident about my ability here as I was in high school, which is funny because I'm the same person and same flute player. The outside has changed, not the inside. Why should I feel different?

--------------------------------

I could've subbed in a philharmonia reading rehearsal yesterday, but I didn't get the message because I forgot to turn my phone on. Phooey.

I'm in dire need of a Lost night. And a lot of sleep. And possibly some advil.

Mint oreo smoothie does this to me:

HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER
dead

My teacher told me that with my piccolo audition I might be able to sneak into philharmonia. Sneak into an orchestra! Haha! I love her! She's foreign and says funny things a lot.

Speaking of piccolo, I practiced it for the first time in a while, and now I have a headache.

Everyone thinks my single coughs are sneezes.

It's freezing. IT'S UNCOOKED. IT'S AN UNCOOKED POT PIE.

Wow! These past few days have been awesome!
My lack of sleep doesn't even matter anymore. I've lost track of all time.

Sarah's two friends, Joe and Mark, have been here. Together we watched movies, played tag in the wal-mark parking lot, went to concerts, goofed around at restaurants, and fell alseep on the dorm room floor (all four of us) at 5:00 in the morning. PLUS I still had ample time to practice. I knew this weekend was going to rock.

We are so going on a road trip someday.

It's been a while since I've been able to say this: the good old days are right now.








And yet, life is never perfect.
I've recieved much more pain in my life from guys that I don't like than from guys that I do like.

I don't really have anything to say.

:(

After contacting a total of eight people,
I FINALLY HAVE AN ACCOMPANIST!
And it's Nik, the coolest person ever!

Thank you, Life.

I can see auras!
And it's so exciting that it's distracting me from my everyday life.

Yesterday there was a Cawthon concert. Alyssa and I played a duet, and we got lots of compliments. It made me feel really good, because I thought we actually did well.

I hate getting compliments when I don't play well.. It's like, you think that's the best I can do?

Is it normal for parents to drive 10 hours three weekends in a row just to see live football? And spend almost $40 for each ticket, totaling to $152 each game? I don't even like football, I really don't know why they waste their money.

My parents REALLY like football.

My parents aren't coming again for another couple weeks. It's funny because they wonder how my friends can survive when they go home or their boyfriends come here every weekend, but my parents do the exact same thing to me. Next weekend, I am going to practice and hang out with friends and do schoolwork before 10:00 on Sunday night.

I love you, but...I have things to do.
Story of my life.

I'm so focused on the wrong things. Seriously. I'm so extremely studious. I like success. But what does success do for you if you don't have love? This is the same disease that has been plauging me for years now. I don't know what to do. I never seem to have as much time as other people. I've always been the one who had to sleep when a party was going on in my living room, the person who has had to study instead of go to a movie. Are those things really more important than investing time in people? I don't know, but I act like they are. Nobody else seems to ever have a problem with this. How do they do it? Probably someday I am going to wake up and realize that I am foolish beyond belief. That'll be the day I die.

This is why 1 Corinthians 13 affected me so much when I first read it. If I have all things but I do not have love, I am nothing! Am I nothing? Do I have love?
It doesn't matter how much knowledge I cram into my head, what kind of blasted grades I get, even how well I play that instrument of mine. The only thing that matters is the love.

-------------------------------------------

Edit: I got a 100 on my group paper comparing Freddy Krueger to AIDS! A 100!!!!! I can't believe it! I'm walking on air!

I'm

tired

so

I

will

not

write

my

thoughts

in

blogger

today.

Parents=no practice

I love them, though.

Who else is in tri-state? I must know.

Yesterday in English class we discussed consumerism in America. From that, we somehow got into the topic of music.

The teacher asked "Is there such a thing as inherently bad music?" This was a topic of interest because there are a lot lot of music majors in that class. Someone in the class answered, going on about how music is an art, and like all art forms, it can have a higher or lower quality. When he was finished talking, I quickly added two words to the discussion:

"Parallel fifths."
(Then I looked around like I hadn't just said anything.)

Then the room exploded!

The guy who answered the question was a music major.
"Do you want me to explain what parallel fifths are?" he asked the teacher.
"No thank you," my teacher replied.


(I guess you had to be there)

Flute: my anti-candy

Inside my head:
That wasn't much soup. What should I eat to supplement the meal? Hmmm...applesauce would be good. Yummy and nutritious...but wait...there's candy over there. I want candy.

So much for the applesauce...

I put my computer music on shuffle and this is what it played:
1) The Who-Join Together
2) mvt 1 of the flute trio on my senior recital
3) The Bangels-Walk Like and Egyptian
4) Barber Symphony no. 2
5) Jethro Tull-The Whistler
6) Mo' Horizons-Gonna Be (from Blues Lounge)
7) U2-Pride (in the name of love)
8) The Chieftains-Live from Matt Malloy's Pub
9) that Moncayo piece (Huapango?)-WYSO final concert
10) some track from Massanet's opera Werther

I need to put more of my CDs on the computer...

I like to waste time, that's for sure.
I can't even imagine how bad it would be if I used AIM.

I didn't play as well as I could have.
And everyone sounded better than me.
:(


...stupid nerves.

UNDERGRADUATE FLUTE PERFORMANCE RECITAL
Theme: Classical concertos
Tuesday, Nov 1
8:00 PM
DRH

I'm playing first, so be there on time!

Please help us...Sarah and her friend need some prayers.

I finally had time to practice correctly today, and it was wonderful.

So my parents are here this weekend, and they took me to a football game that I didn't want to go to.
Big suprise.

Lots of people at football games dress and act crazy. But I was totally suprised today when I stared into the crowd once to see a guy dressed in in the full uniform of Burger King's king from the commercials. It was almost scary seeing that guy. I thought I was hallucinating.
A few minutes later, the football teams took a time out, and suddenly I see someone running wildly across the field, arms flailing. And then I realize who it is...it's the king!
He ran past the conferencing football teams. He ran past the refrees. Nobody stopped him or even seemed to notice that he was running like a maniac across the stadium. I think most people thought he was supposed to be there, but I knew better. I had seen him in the crowd.
When he sees the police, he quickly changes his direction and attempts to jump from the field into the crowd. His attempt is unsuccessful, and the police are gaining on him. He jumps again, and this time the fans pull him up like he's a hero, just before the police reach him. He runs through the tunnel, and nobody knows what happened to him after that. The staduim is roaring with laughter at this point. The police just sort of stand there, dumbfounded.

For comedy's sake, I hope he got away.

I've decided that I don't like Neil Young.
Or is it Neal Young?

When I eat too much sugar, I feel like my body has poison in it. Not that I know what a body with poison in it feels like. I'm just guessing. But I can feel the effect of sugar inside me. It's crazy. I want it out of me. Get it out!

I think we all need a certain amount of time that has to be used for social life or else we go crazy. Usually, I don't fufill my required time for social life. I sort of push it to the side. Right now, though, I have gone overboard. Too much play, not enough work.

Dang it. I NEED TO PRACTICE.

-----------------------

Homecoming Symphonic Band concert tonight
7:30-8:30 PM
Opperman Music Hall

(I won't push you to go, since we've only had two weeks and five rehearsals to work on the music and as Dr. Dunnigan concisely stated, "It won't be quite ready. But it's still going to be symphonic band, so ya know.)

I'm a bad person because I refused to go to go see some jazz with a friend. I said I had to write a paper (which I did), but I ended up partying (aka acting stupid) in my dorm room the whole night.
I'm sorry, Jose.

Why am I so afraid to do anything?

I haven't practiced in three days because I've been using every ounce of spare time I have to study for the nutrition test.

Wow, I need to practice.


I got a 90 on the test, by the way.

monosaccharides
disaccharides
polysaccharides
oligosaccharides
galactose
fructose
sorbitol
maltose
sucrose
lactose
insoluble fiber
viscous fiber
glucagon
gluconeogenesis
ketosis
homeostasis
hypoglycemia
hyperglycemia
epinephrine/norepinephrine
coritsol
glycemic index
glycemia load
lactose maldigestion
mannitol
xyloitol
saccharin
sucralose
aspartame
neotame
acesulfame-K
fatty acid
saturated fat
unsaturated fat
polyunsaturated fat
monounsaturated fat
essential fatty acid
omega-3 fatty acid
linolenic acid
omega-6 fatty acid
linoleic fatty acid
eicosanoids
triglycerides
hydrogenation
rancidity
trans fatty acids
phospholipids
emulsification
sterol
cholesterol
bile acids
hydrophilic
hydrophobic
lecithin
lipoprotien
low density lipoprotien
very low density lipoprotien
high density lipoprotien
chylomicron
receptor pathway
scavenger pathway
antioxidant
atheroscerosis
Z-trim
Dairy-Lo
Olestra
amino acid
histidine
isoleucine
leucine
methionine
phenylalanine
theronine
tryptophan
valine
alanine
arginine
aspargine
aspartic acid
cystine
glutamic acid
glutamine
glycine
proline
serine
tyrosine
transamination
deaminatin
peptide bond
alpha bond
beta bond
dipeptide
polypeptide
tripeptide
oligopeptide
denaturation
urea
complete protiens
kwashiorkor
marasmus
lignins
cellulose
hemicellulose
pectin
gum
mucilage
glucose

No, Ashley. Bad.

So we start once again...

Who owned that etude in class today?
I owned that etude in class today.
I am the etude mastahhh!

This is the best of all possible worlds.
-Candide

I have had a hard time convincing people that whatever happens is for the best. They find it difficult to believe. There's so much bad in this world. So much pain in our lives. How can it be for the best?

Well, there's a very simple answer to that. God loves us.

----------------------------------------

I have had pain before. I no longer have to deal with that pain.

It's funny. My teacher is so amazing. She knows me so very well. I don't tell her about anything, she just seems to know. Like before I auditioned for her school, she somehow knew that I was ambitious and that my desire was to get into a top-rated conservatory. I didn't tell her this. She just knew it.

At my lesson yesterday, she encouraged me to get mad, to become frustrated. And to let the emotions out! To scream, to get a stress ball and throw it around, to stomp up and down the stairs. Don't let it build up. Right now is the time to release my emotions from my old life. And trust me, there were many emotions that I have let build up from before. After that task is finished, I can release emotions as soon as I feel them. No more buildup. No more pain.

How does she know?

It's no use...I'm going to fail this nutrition test.
:(
Every class I have fits perfectly into my schedule, but I never seem to have time to study for nurtition. It's been closed off from any priority. Darn you, nutrition class!

On a happier note, I went to the diner with some flutie pals and had some really good cheeseburger with my conversation.
I ate almost all of it, too (the cheeseburger, not the conversation), though I hardly touched the fries.

I've lost a pund since I've been at FSU.

Man, these posts are just getting worse and worse. Maybe I don't think about things anymore, so I'm forced to post the mundane events in my life. I mean, a really good cheesebuger? Come on, Ash.

Brain: You should be studying right now.
Me: Shut up, brain.
Brain: You haven't practiced today.
Me: I told you to shut up.
Brain: If I shut up, then you would die.
Me: Well, then...leave me alone.
Brain: You'd die.
Me: Stop talking to me.
Brain: You really don't want that. I promise.
Me: Fine. Stop being annoying.
Brain: Define annoying.
Me: You're the brain. You define annoying.
Brain: No.
Me: I hate you.
Brain: You're just mad because...well....you know.
Me: I don't know what you're talking about
Brain: You know...everything that Heart has been yappin about lately.
Me: Brain, that's none of your business.
Brain: Haha...so that IS it, isn't it?
Me: Brain, leave me alone!
Brain: Whatever, Ashley. I know what's really wrong. And you have Heart to blame for it.
Me: Really, Brain...just go. Go away.
Brain: Fine. I can see when I'm not wanted. But don't come crying to me when you need information for your next test.

Well, it's been two weeks and my skin is still peeling.

Goodbye, Titusville.
More like STUPIDville.

Why aren't you publishing my posts, blogger?

I saw Elizabethtown tonight.
I would recommend it to any Orlando Bloom fan.

A Pride and Prejudice movie is coming out. I'm excited, even though it looks like it's not going to be as awesome as the book nor the old series. Whatev.

IN OTHER NEWS:
Cold Stone brought cake batter back!

I saw Titusville for the very first time today.

I am going to relax this weekend!

Abráceme

"The measure you give will be the measure you get back."

It Can Be Done

Somebody said that it couldn't be done
But he, with a chuckle replied
That maybe it couldn't, but he would be one
Who wouldn't say so till he'd tried
So he buckled right in, with the trace of a grin
on his face. If he worried he hid it.
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn't be done--and he did it.

Somebody scoffed: "Oh, you'll never do that;
At least, no one has ever done it."
But he took off his coat and he took off his hat,
And the first thing we knew he'd begun it,
With a lift of the chin, and a bit of a grin,
Without any doubting or quiddit;
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn't be done--and he did it.

There are thousands to tell you it can't be done;
There are thousands to phrophesy failure;
There are thousands to enumerate, one by one,
The dangers that wait to assail you;
But just buckle in with a bit of a grin,
Just take off your coat and go to it;
Just start in to sing as you tackle the thing
That can not be done--and you'll do it.

-Edgar A. Guest

I can't stop laughing!

We got a new piece in band, and it's my toughest large ensemble challenge thus far. So many high Ds and D flats!

Challenges make me happy.
Life is good.

After all this time, Pergolesi is still a good guy.

I like saying to people "Well, I just covered my omega 3 fatty acids for the week."

I still can't get over the brownies. What a laugh!

Note to self: Don't eat brownies at college parties.
Also, buy milk.

Ya know, it's just not cool when someone calls you on a Sunday morning at 8:30 with the sole intention of waking you up.

Oh my gosh. Something needs to be done.

Jenna: Where'd Josh go?
Me: I ate him

Emily would be proud.

-----------------------------------------------

In case anyone was wondering, Freddy Krueger turned out to be disease. And he attacks people when they have AIDS. The end.

Dear Ashley,
It's all going to be okay. Things tend to work out.
Love,
Ashley

Is Freddy Krueger a communist government, Hitler, the devil, or disease?
That's what I will decide shortly after 1:00 today.

To high schoolers: When people tell you that they never have spare time in college, don't believe them. I have more free time now than I have ever had in high school. Ever.

I hate myself when I waste all that spare time. Like right now.

Term paper?

Boys aren't zen.

Some girls from the Catholic Student Union stopped by my dorm room, just to see how I was doing. How nice.

I MISS YOU.

I had a dream that I was in an unknown class, and the teacher asked everybody to answer the question "why?" We went around the room giving our answers, but she said that I was the only one who had answered correctly. I had answered, "why not?"

[True story!]

"Prepare to be disillusioned."

I just played my very first concert at FSU...with symphonic band! I love that band! Man!
Our conductor was crying at the last cutoff. I was grinning like an idiot.

I don't know about anyone else, but I still have THS band in my ear, and compared to that, symphonic band is pretty much the best I could imagine. Right now, I am a very, very happy person.

CRAP
The Yankees lost.
Well, at least Boston won't win this year.

Everyone who is cool is going to the symphonic band concert tonight at 8:00 in opperman music hall. Believe me, you won't regret it.
Be there or be square, yo.

These next few days are going to be very busy.

It's very painful to wear a backpack when you have a severe sunburn on your shoulders and back.

London?

-------------------------------------------------

I think that sometimes we forget to turn the other cheek, to give to all who beg of us, to do to others as we would have them do to us, to forgive, to not withold even our shirt from the one who takes away our coat. We forget, even, that's it's our duty as Christians.
"But doing this will not be beneficial to me!"

It's just not logical to give to those who take from you. After all, you can't let yourself be walked over, right?

Well, friend, there are times when you just have to ask yourself, "What would Jesus do?" Many times I ask that to myself, and I realize that I am acting not in a very Jesus-like fashion. It's so hard to place him in the modern world! But you know what is right and what is wrong; what is kind and loving, what is mean and hateful.
Yes, I agree, if we are living for this world, it's not logical to give to those who don't give to us. But if we are not living for this world, and rather, we are living with eternity in mind, it's quite beneficial to give everything we can to all: even to those from whom we will recieve nothing in return. For those who have nothing have everything in God's sight: the first shall be last, and the last shall be first.

Well, that would explain why he doesn't talk to me anymore.

Man.

My sunburn hurts a lot. Ouch.

I am extremely, extremely sunburnt right now.

Mommy and daddy are coming this weekend! And Erin! Yay!

Today is awesome. My recording is over, I have a lesson, I have a quintet rehearsal, there's a UPO concert, and I'm going to have a good dinner. Woo! TGIF!

My alarm went off at 10:25 today.
I turned it off.
I feel asleep.
I woke up at 10:56.
"Oh my gosh!" I said, "I have a class in five minutes!"
I jumped out of bed.
I changed,
went to the bathroom,
and grabbed a cereal bar and bottle of water.
I ran out the door.
I dashed across campus while eating.
I arrive at class just as lecture was starting.
I woke up at 10:56 and make it to class by 11:01.
Yes, I know I am awesome.


Recording today ahhh!

I'm pretty sure that I'm never going to have a boyfriend ever again because I don't use AIM.

Oh well. The Yankees won their first playoff game, and Frank Martin has entrusted me with an important duty. Who cares about boyfriends?

Stahl comes from a german word meaning "steel" or "armor." This is awesome, because I can say,
"I am Ashley Stahl, woman of steel."

Nutrition sez:
Low carb diets=bad

I am a strong believer in these two things (which incidentally go hand-in-hand with each other):

1) Things tend to work out
2) Everything happens for a reason

There's no need to worry. It's all for the best, whatever it is. Just trust God.

WW Quintet!

Bad apples usually don't look bad from the outside. I have bitten into several bad apples in my life, and I never seem to notice at first that they taste really bad. After all it, they look like good apples. Even if I do notice, I always assume that it was just that bite that was bad. Apples can have spots of bad also.
I usually continue eating the bad apple, knowing that the taste in my mouth is really bad, but trying to ignore that fact. Eventually, I will say something like "This apple tastes really bad." I'll take another bite just for good measure. Then I will finally give up on it, and throw it out.

I wish I would notice faster when I am eating a bad apple.

I really don't enjoy staying up late and getting up late the next day. But it always seems to happen anyway.
It's a good thing there's a mass at 6 pm.

This is going to be a great converstaion starter:
"So...the Yankees beat the Red Sox."

Last night, I stayed up till 7 in the morning with my suitemate and some of her friends. We didn't do anything particular--we spent most of our time playing cards, watching stupid cartoons on the computer, prank calling people with the Arnold sound board, and being bored. I didn't have any valid reason to stay up till 7, so why did I do it? Because I can. There's no other reason.

I slept till three in the afternoon today. It's almost eight now, and it seems much, much too early to be dark already.