Have you ever met someone and learned about him bit by bit? And the more you learn about him, the more, you realize, there is to know. And you end up wondering...you have to wonder...who IS this guy? What is his story? What makes him tick? Why does he do what he does?

What crazy set of circumstances could create such a person?

You know, I haven't practiced my excerpts...

...and I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those meddling studio classes!!

Hey, in the past three days, I've had 12 and a half hours of rehearsal, and it's AWESOME. (I'm being serious). The musicians here that I work with are so gooooood. It's exhilerating. Really. I love my job.

Okay, well. Blogger MADE me transform my account into a google account, so now my template is all messed up (the kitty is gone!) and the archives are missing. STUPID BLOGGER.

I'll try to fix it.

All you need is love.

Hey guess what...I'll be playing for Sweeney Todd on Valentine's Day this year. Sweet!!

Well, everything is finally coming together and settling down. I knew it would happen eventually. I just had to trust.

First Sweeney rehearsal tonight 7:00-10:30

Yup.

I am friends with Sweeney Todd on facebook, lol. I am so glad I get to play for it. It's gonna be great. In addition, I know the four most main characters--Sweeney, Ms. Lovett, Anthony, and Johanna. Three of them were in the conducting class I just left. I feel special. Even if this is a college production, there is some amount of stardom.

yay Sweeney Todd <3
(we'll see if I'm still saying that in a couple weeks)

It's really coming down! Luckily, I brought an umbrella to school today. Still, I had to step in a puddle as deep as my ankles. My sneakers are completely soaked. It's just like I said...

February makes me think of the happenings of long ago. I can't help it. That pre-spring scent is inescapable.

Strange things happen in the KMU practice hall.

I really want to go to an orchestra festival this summer. I'm applying to every one that I am eligable for that I know about, because I just want to play some good music. I don't care where.

So far, this is my list:

Eastern Music Festival
Pacific Music Festival (here's to dreamin')
Brevard
Rome Festival
Las Vegas Orchestra Festival
Masterworks
Texas Music Festival

So here's what YOU do:
If you hear about an orchestra festival/summer camp that I would be eligable for, tell me about it. I might just apply, and I might just go, and it is because YOU told me about it. That's something to be proud of.


----------------------------

UNRELATED
Want to hear my favorite flute concerto that I just purchased (YYAAAAAAYYY!!!)? Log onto Naxos and search "Rodrigo" and "flute." Click on the first option that pops up, and then listen to Fansasia para un gentilhombre. MAAAN. SO SWEET. (Even though it was originally a guitar concerto..) I am adding playing this with an orchestra to my life's to-do list.

It seems that January is the month of bad choices for me. I have made several choices this month that just didn't turn out the way I thought they would. I thought that I was bettering my condition, but in the end, I am worse off than before.

I can't really come down on myself too hard, though--nobody knows the future, and I didn't know that these wouldn't turn out to be good choices.

I keep clinging to my God. These bad choices draw me closer and closer to Him. When there is nothing I can do about a situation, there is still someone to turn to.
I really can't describe what God does for me. In times of trouble, times when I am tempted, times when I feel utterly alone, He is there, and He understands and cares. Throughout all my problems and worries, He speaks to me. "Fear not," He says. What comfort my God brings me, this world will never know.

I'd just like to add that this past flute fair was the SIXTH straight flute fair I have been to, and it's the first year that I haven't been in an FFA-sponsored event. And my former teacher CREATED the VERY FIRST first Florida flute fair. Therefore, we should be given trophies.

Man, I am getting old. Six flute fairs.

Well, I dropped conducting. Hopefully, that will prevent any more mental breakdowns.

Day by day I learn that nobody is going to be there to protect you from the rain. Sometimes you are going to have to walk in the rain, and it doesn't seem fair, it doesn't seem right, it seems like there should be someone to say, it's okay, we can move class back a few minutes until the rain subsides. But that's not how it works, and one of these days you will have to choose between getting wet and getting to class on time. And your teacher will not take rain as an excuse. Your teacher won't even care why you are late, and he certainly doesn't want to hear sob stories. He has problems enough of his own.

okay, flute fair time.

Mission: accomplished!!

My mission:
Go to wal-mart, shop, and be back in less than an hour.

Mission accepted.
Mission results to be posted.

End transmission.

Sie sind dumm.

This semster is really, really trying to eat me alive.

Also, playing Zelda makes all my worries go away. I get lost in the game. It's soothing.

My bike got stolen last night.

Something has been bothering me.

I have two particular friends here at FSU who are extremely smart people. They are both a lot smarter than I am, but I have something that they don't. I have the ability to enjoy things.
They look at the world and analyze it, make theories about it, have deep conversations about it. They try to figure everything out; and I, well, I look at the world and enjoy it. After a while, being around them can drive you crazy: they can't read a book without dicussing the underlying themes, they can't listen to a piece without discerning its formal structure, they can't watch a movie without writing a review about it afterward. Apparently, nobody ever taught them that some things are not meant to be analyzed. That sometimes, you just have to sit back and enjoy life and have a little fun.

I am pretty much the opposite of these two people (I'm really good at not thinking), so maybe this analysis nature stands out more to me. Whenever I talk to them, I inevidably end up saying (or thinking to myself), don't worry about it, it's not a big deal, it doesn't really matter that much. Just enjoy life, don't worry so much.
I really don't know if they understand.

Maybe I've got it all wrong; maybe I'm the one who should be changing and analyzing the world a little more. But somehow, that doesn't sound right, because I am happy and they, generally, are not.

Man, if you want to hear some crazy good music, listen to the Riverdance soundtrack. Now there's one CD that I don't think I will ever stop listening to. It's so musically interesting, and so aesthetically pleasing! For an irish music fan like me, this is the ultimate.

There's one piece in 11/8, another in 16/8, another that switches from simple to compound meter every two bars, and a whole bunch of songs whose meters I just can't figure out because they change so much. And there's one song made almost entirely out of river names. So cool.

On average, I get up five hours later on the weekend than I do during the week.

As I rode my bike home from the practice rooms at 10:00 last Thursday night, a line had already formed outside the club near my apartment. I thought of all the homework and studying I still had to do before the next day. I have 4 hours of class on Fridays, beginning at 8:00 in the morning. I wondered at the contrast my life has with those people waiting to get into the club.
You see, most FSU students don't have class on Friday. If they do have class on Friday, they see it as optional. A free Friday is just one more day added to the weekend. One more day to drink and party!

One of the major arguments in Mozart in the Jungle is that a musician's life is an extremely hard life. One filled with endless practice, hours of boring scales and long tones, and meaningless repetative music. But you know what? I don't despise that life. Practicing scales is helping the world a heck of a lot more that watching t.v, which is probably what I would be doing if music was not a part of my life.

I may gripe about how busy I am every once in a while, but deep down I know that a full plate is always a blessing. We were not meant to live idle lives, and when I do happen to waste a large amount of time, I feel really bad afterwards, not only because I didn't get anything done personally, but also because I feel like I just sinned.

I think I would go crazy if I didn't always have something to do that I deem "useful."

It may seem like we should envy those who skip class on Friday to go to the club Thursday night. How much free time they have! But I do not envy them, not even a little bit.

For even when we were with you we gave you this command: Anyone unwilling to work should not eat. For we hear that some of you are living in idleness, mere busybodies, not doing any work. Now such persons we command and exhort in the Lord Jesus Christ to do their own work quietly and to earn their own living. Brothers and sisters, do not do not weary in doing what is right.
2 Thessalonians 3:10-3:13

(ps I'm not judging the club people, they might work really hard during the week for all I know, I'm just making an example. So step off.)


Okay so that post didn't come out like it sounded in my head.

Freedom
Beauty
Truth
and Wuve.

The greatest thing
you'll ever learn
Is just to love
and be loved in return.
-Moulin Rouge

Oh flute choir, why must you take up two hours of one of my busiest days?

I am not satisfied with the way I have been working. Ich bin faul. Tomorrow is another day. I'll turn over a new leaf. A working leaf.

Ich bin Deutsch.

Which means I should be good at this language.
Haha.

My scholarship money came in, and I am finally recieving my checks from working over winter. I feel rich! Woo! Drinks on me! (not really)

Gotta love free shoes university.

More and more I discover that I made the right choice in FSU. Coming here allowed me to buy a great new flute. I don't have to work too hard during breaks, and I have money to go to fancy summer music festivals...granted, my parents do give me a LOT of help...they pay for my car stuff (insurance and repair), my cellphone, most of the rent, and of course health insurance (and probably some other stuff that I can't think of), but still...no loans for me. Not for at least another two years. (And whose parents whould not help them at all as an undergraduate? I mean, let's be real here). Can't say that would have happened if I went to any of my other college possibilities. I'll graduate here with thousands of dollars in my pocket; if I went to a conservatory, I would graduate with thousands of dollars also...thousands in debt.

And who is to say that I am not getting just as good of a music education here? Prof. Amsler is a better teacher than anyone I've ever had a lesson with (and that includes Michael Debost and Bradley Garner who teach at Oberlin and Cincinnati Conservatories). I can practice just as much here, and that's what's really important to success.

The top music students here are just as good as the conservatory kids; everyone in my quintet is amazing. The flute studio brings in all kinds of guest artists, and I get a heck of a lot of performance experience...maybe not so much with large ensembles, I'll admit, but the extra money that comes in allows me to make that up over the summer.

In addition (yes, I just mentioned this in a recent post), I'm getting a well-rounded education, complete with interaction with students who AREN'T in the music school (gasp!).

I should have seen this when I was choosing colleges. FSU was a no-brainer, or at least it should have been.

Okay, so I lied. You probably won't be hearing much about Mozart in the Jungle anymore. I just don't feel like thinking enough to write coherently about it. Kapeesh? But by all means, do go read it--it's quite funny at times.

I finished Mozart in the Jungle today, and now I have a whirlwind of thoughts, most of them very depressing. The last chapter talked directly to me. Here's a sample:

"...ask yourself if you are willing to sacrifice hours to tedious practice and nights, weekends, and holidays to playing concerts at times friends and relatives are socializing and relaxing with one another. How do you feel about long periods of substandard pay, lack of health insurance, and possible unemployment? Do you love music, or are you just hooked by the attention your performances bring? Somebody else is paying the bills now, but that won't always be the case."

The one thing I keep coming back to is how lucky I am to be at FSU. The classes I once scorned having to take: english, math, science, all kinds of x and y credits, gordon rule classes, social science, blah blah blah. I understand why I am forced to take these now. I finally appreciate these requirements. Most of all, I am very, very happy that I ended up at FSU and not Juilliard or Eastman. Read the book, and you'll understand why.

(Heed this warning, though: 1) The book is kind of racy, so if you're easily offended, it might not be for you, and 2) If you are a musician, especially one planning a career in performance, get ready to be depressed. Get ready to take a hard look at your future.)

More thoughts on this to come...

'Nuff said.

Just so everyone knows, my resolution this year is keeping better in touch with people. This includes friends, family, teachers...basically everyone.

So The Office is pretty much the funniest show ever created.

ATTENTION PIANISTS:

Somebody please come to the rescue and accompany the LaGrange three. Please!! You'll get to go on a super fun road trip! You'll get lots of money! You'll gain a heck of a lot of experience! You'll get a lot of quality time with yours truly! I mean, really! Why would you NOT want to do this?

Come on...I'll be your best friend.

I made a bad choice...

Today, in sight singing, we were presented with this theme:






Our teacher asked what key it was in, and then confirmed that it was in G minor.

I originally thought that it looked like it was in Eb major, but I warily went along with the G minor because that's what everyone had agreed on.

We sang through the piece on numbers, using G as tonic. It sounded major to me, and it sounded like Eb was tonic. NOBODY QUESTIONED THE KEY.

Finally, after we had finished working on it, I raised my hand.
"This is in G minor?" I asked.
"Yeah," my teacher answered, "Look at the key..."
"I thought g minor had two flats," I said. He looked closer at the key. I could see the wheels turning.
"Wait," he said.
"Is there an extra flat?" someone in the class asked.
"It looks to me like it's in Eb major," I said.
"Yeah," my teacher said, "Good call on that..."

WHAT THE HECK, PEOPLE? That theme has no resemblance to G minor AT ALL. You are getting degrees in MUSIC. And teacher! You ALREADY HAVE A DEGREE IN MUSIC! PROBABLY IN MUSIC THEORY! A middle school band student could have told you what key this was in! Seriously!

So in conclusion,
Eb major=/=G minor

And don't listen to sight singing teachers.

Edit: I forgot to add something. Later in the class, we were listening to mvt. 1 of Mozart's Eine Kleine Nachktmusik, and somebody in the class asked what the piece was. My teacher said, "I don't know, some Mozart Symphony in G major." D'OH!

Kay, Sleep, you're gonna have to cooperate with me here, okay? We all have to work together this semester.

The suspense is killing me!!

Am I going on tour or not? Will I play principle on Tchaik 4?? WILL I???

I don't understand how you can post USO and not philharmonia. Come on! DON'T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE!

For some reason, I always get REALLY nervous when I am checking audition result lists. Way more nervous then I get at the actual audition, which is silly...but good, I guess.

Does someone want to take my trash out for me? I'll be your best friend...


(This is ultimate laziness, writing about taking my trash out instead of actually doing it. lol)

The audition was allright. I took a few more breaths than I usually would because of nerves, and my tone faded out a little in William Tell, but otherwise, it was okay.

Oh, there is one other thing--my piccolo audition SUCKED. There's no other way to put it. I don't know what is with me and piccolo at FSU. I used to be a really good piccolo player--I played it in WYSO at Interlochen, I played it at allstate, I played it at allcounty a few years, I played at THS all the time, but now my piccolo is just not having it. The thing is, I really like piccolo. I would go as far as to say that is the part doesn't consist of a bunch of rests, I like playing piccolo more than flute. It's just s'dang fun. But I keep screwing up my auditions, time after time. It doesn't help that they keep asking for Tchaik 4--that excerpt is the bane of my existance. You guys all know that this isn't the first time I've said this.

That excerpt is haunting me.

Anyway, I'm not sure that I wanted to play piccolo this semseter anyway, since the part in Tchaik 4 consists of two tacet movements and a solo entrance on a high A. Not my idea of a good time.

In any case, my audition is over (finally!), and now I can eat some of that pot of gold I've been saving for this purpose. And I think I'll listen to the last movement of the Saint-Saens Organ Symphony. Suh-weet.

He who binds to himself a joy
Doth the winged life destroy;
But he who kisses the joy as it flies
Lives in eternity's sunrise.

Also, my status on facebook says, "Ashley is NOT meat loaf," and that makes me more awesome than you.

I want to nail this audition. Not even to get into any group (well, my schedule would be pretty messed up if I was in anything but phil), but just for personal satisfaction. I want to know that I had a great audition.

Hooray for a required conducting class that is only offered MWF at 8:00 am.

Whatev, yo.

"I can’t believe that I didn’t see
The only change was the one inside me"

We've been through a lot, my dear old friend
Hasn't always easy, I'll admit;
Some scrapes and tears we've had to mend
Some actions, we've had to permit

But good times always accompany with the bad,
We've had great fun, to be sure;
Over the years, think of the laughs we've had!
And the laughs are what endure.

We've parted ways many a time
We've come back together again
And the laughs I've had with my partner in crime
Are as fresh right now as then.

Clearly, our road is long and winding
Certainly, we have not reached the end.
For in this man, whose kindness is blinding
I have found myself a true friend.

My competition is during the philharmonia tour.
:(

"Open foot. Insert mouth."
-Me at 1:30 am

(the mental image is pretty funny, if you can manage to conjure one up)

God, I love this life. Thank you.

Leaving even has its perks. I am leaving friends, and I am coming back to friends. I was talking with a friend today and I said, I like it here and I like it there. I never want to leave wherever I am.
I can't decide where I like being better, because I just love both places. I truly have some special people in my life, wherever I happen to be. Thank you for that.

One thing I am thankful for. The placement of my room in relation to the sunset. Open a window, play some music, and watch the sky turn pink. This is the end of the day.

If you are not a flute player, this post is going to bore you. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Wow. I am just overwhelmed by the amount of musical work I have to do right now. I just found out that I'm a finalist for that LaGrange competition in Georgia, which is a good thing, but now I have less than a month to memorize a 15-minute program. Yikes!

I just ordered some music--for next semester, I'm performing the Taktakishvili Sonata at the sophomore performance recital and the Poulenc Sonata and Sextet at our quintet recital. There's always the normal studio rep; this semster, I'll be studying the Quantz concerto, Telemann Fantasies, Heiss Etudes, Dick Flying Lessons, Barber Canzone, a Gaubert Sonata, and the Ibert Concerto. Etudes will include Kohler, Genzmer, and something else when I finish one of those off (most likely Donjon).

Then there's the stuff I didn't have time to study from last semester: Kreneck Sonata, Schumann Romances, and the third movement of the Demersseman Concerto.

Along with all that, I'll be having to record for competitions and music festivals. I'm trying to get as many excerpts as I can recorded before I go back to Tallahassee (::ahem::), but I'm running out of time, and right now I have about a third of the exceprts that I need to record done. It would help if Charlie would fix mydang piccolo. It's been at the shop for almost three weeks now, and I've called him twice already to hurry it up! I also need to record the Taffanel piece and the Heiss Etudes sometime before March for the NFA competition.

IN ADDITION, I'm playing in a musical throughout Februrary, Sweeney Todd, which has some very hard flute parts. Aaaand I'm hoping to go on tour with philharmonia, but from the looks of it, it might be better if I didn't. What?

So Kristi, if you see this, don't be expecting many etudes to be memorized this semester, cuz that's definitely not going to be my first priority.

Did I mention I'm also taking 18 hours this semester? Including german, conducting, intro to music tech, and economics honors. As well as a bunch of music classes. I have a class at 8 am or 9 am every day.

To sum it all up, this semester is going to be...interesting. I smell a challenge. I love challenges; I thrive on them. That's when I work the best.

This winter break has been extremely unproductive for me musically. I have practiced about every other day. I wanted to practice; I didn't do anything wrong. I just ran out of time, every single day. What with working and going to Disney three times and Christmas and relatives in town and shopping and friends, I'm suprised I had time to sleep. Indeed, I did not get the rest here that I had hoped for. I came into winter break thinking that I am going to get some rest and I am going practice four hours a day. Bzzt! Wrong. I did socialize a great deal, but now I sound like poop on flute, and I have auditions in less than a week. I am very upset about this, and I am probably going to practice an unhealthy amount in the next few days to try to make up for it.

So yeah. That's why I'm musically overwhelmed.

As I look back in my past I discover that the moments in life that shape me, the moments that I keep coming back to, are not always pleasant moments. Sometimes, I had to learn from sin.

However, some of the moments are moments of glory. Where would I be without those, I have to wonder.

Here's to fresh starts and unexplored territory. Hello, Anno Domini 2007.

Dry those tears...there are reasons to cry, and this isn't one of them.

Everything happens for a reason.

What am I doing wrong? I don't have time to practice, and I don't have time to sleep. What is going on here?

I need to practice. My time is flying out the window. I'm not even wasting it; I don't know where it goes.

I really just need some rest.

I don't know if I have the right perspective or not; my views do not seem to dominate among my friends, in any case. But this is what I think:

Having a boyfriend is just not that important. I don't need a man; I will never need a man. I could make it on my own if I had to, and I will make it on my own if that is God's wish.

I will always have my good, close friends, and whether I have a boyfriend or not, they will always be there for me. Indeed, having a boyfriend often takes away time to spend with these very friends...

Additionally, having a boyfriend is not going to magically make all of life's problems go away. You WILL have more problems if you have a boyfriend. Girls especially tend to worry waaaay too much about relationships. They overthink things, get caught up in the smallest comments that meant nothing to the guy. If you think you have problems now trying to get a boyfriend, think about the problems you will have trying to keep one. Yeesh..life is just much simpler without a boyfriend (or even just a boy friend) involved.

I'm not knocking relationships, not at all. I wouldn't mind having a boyfriend myself (as long as the guy is twice as awesome as me--and that's not an easy thing to be, let me tell you). I just think that girls tend to place relationships on a pedestal. Boyfriends are just not that important, at least in my opinion.
And if you are a super pretty, super smart, super nice girl (I have three friends in mind who sparked the idea for this post), then I wouldn't sweat it, because love will find you. Trust in life--there's no rush, no need to worry.

One more thing. If you were meant to be together, then you will be.

And tears in the morning
Can bring joy in the evening
Just keep believing
That love finds a way

She's practicing, and she can't be bothered now.

"My hands are full of technology!"
-My cousin while holding a cellphone and digital camera

Staring into the blackness
Eyes wide open
They cannot close

Comfortable and warm

Minutes pass
Hours pass

Still staring
Thinking
Thinking

The infinite sadness that is love
The infinite joy that is love
Defeats
and
Victories

Silence
Rare for day
Rare for night
Common with earplugs
Silence

Still staring into the blackness

That they do not understand
That there is a world inside they do not see
That they know nothing about
Except that it exists

"Are you applying to that religion camp?"
"No."
"Thank you."

I wish that they would understand

The hours still pass
Time seems to pass more quickly at night...

Still staring
Eyes drying from the air blown
Electronically

Family
Love
Generosity
Something missing
They do not understand
Nobody to look up to

Desiring sleep
Sleep please
Please

Still staring
Eyes still refuse to close

Swirling mind
Half in thought
Half in prayer

Is there anything useful to do at 1:30 AM?
Yes
But not right now
So close to sleep
So close

Darkness

Give me the courage
To do what is right
What is neccessary
To end this fight
I need to step up
Nobody else will
Nobody else knows
I know
This is my job alone
I could spread the Word
I need to spread the Word
What an opportunity
But what a responsibility
Give me the courage I need
Give me the strength I need
To serve You
They need to understand
Please
I want them to understand

Funny, I know now why
I could not forgive

Still black

Those darn eyes
Still refuse to shut
Close, eyes!
Stay still, Brain!

Silence
Warm silence

What an enjoyable day it was
So many good things
Good food
Good gifts
Good family gossip

Cousins
Aunts
Uncles
Grandparents

Ah eyes, you've closed!
Maybe four hours will not be so bad
Maybe the lines will move quickly
Maybe we will leave early
There is always hope
But I wish that they would understand...

Merry Christmas!

God is love.

You know, my flute teacher told me that out of all three semesters so far, I have changed the most this one. At first I didn't believe her. Obviously the first semester in college is going to merit a lot of change. Living on your own for the first time, classes that you actually have to study for, going to a school with thousands of people, not knowing anybody, etc. The list goes on. And obviously, I did change a lot in the first year. The change was very clear. I quite obviously matured a great deal.

But this semester was different. The changes are definitely more subtle. They are not on the outside, but on the inside. The result, I think, of growing friendships. People. Lots of conversation. Learning to trust and open up. I have found people who accept me for who I am...but no...I had people who accepted me for who I am before. The friends I have developed this semester don't just accept me for who I am..they love who I am. They embrace me because of who I am. And I thank them for that.

With friends like this, I am learning to trust and to open up...and to love. I am beginning to feel less like a robot and more like a person.

I'm learning the true value of friendship. And balance. I practiced more this semester than ever before, but I didn't force it. My life has become more balanced. More me time, more friend time, and, somehow, more music time simultaneously. And I'm very happy.

To anyone who is still in high school: if you think you have fully developed by your high school graduation time, think again. Take it from me: you still have a ton of changes to make.

I have really, really good friends. I am so lucky to be able to come back and have just as good a time here as at school. A different atmosphere, to be sure, but just as much fun.

Thank you, friends.

I some pretty weird dreams last night. In one of them, Asher dyed his hair blonde, in another one I had a zombie friend named "Bones," in a another one I met Tiger Woods and we were buddies (and then I ran him over with my car--not intentionally), in another one there was a gang fight where almost my whole family died outside of a hospital, in another one a guy I have never even met but is friends with me on facebook was becoming an actor and making a bunch of appearences on TV.

• What?

Just five more teeny hours of menial labor, and then tomorrow night's partay. My Christmas party has never let me down in the past, and it sure isn't going to start this year.

Do you ever want to practice and not want to practice at the same time?

Also, in The Lion King there was a part with a river, and I TOTALLY heard some Moldau quotes in the music. Every once in a while the flute or clarinet would play that run in the beginning. I was the only one laughing at that point.

"I always laugh at the end."

Can anyone give me a recorder lesson?....maybe for free?

The Lion King on broadway in Orlando...
Wow. The quality of music, the voices, would have been enough for me, but coupled with the staging and costumes and innovation and dancing and humor...just wow. I'm not gonna lie, I almost cried at The Circle of Life at the very beginning. It was just so beautiful.

The end.

...what? I got a 100 on my survey exam?...really?...okay then...

Maybe I should take exams at 7:30 AM running on 5 hours of sleep more often...

Wuthering Heights:

"He said the pleasantest manner of spending a hot July day was lying from the morning till evening on a bank of heath in the middle of the moors, with the bees humming dreamily about among the bloom, and the larks singing high up over head, and the blue sky, and the bright sun shining steadily and cloudlessly. That was his most perfect idea of heaven's happiness--mine was rocking in a rustling green tree, with a west wind blowing, and bright, white clouds flitting rapidly above; and not only larks, but throstles, and blackbirds, and linnets, and cuckoos pouring out music on every side, and the moors seen at a distance, broken into cool dusky dells; but close by great swells of long grass undulating in waves to the breeze; and woods and sounding water, and the whole world awake with joy. He wanted to lie in an ecstacy of peace; I wanted all to sparkle, and dance in a glorious jubilee."
"I said his heaven would only be half alive, and he said mine would be drunk; I said I should fall asleep in his, and he said he could not breathe in mine..."

I'm home!!

On my lovely 5-hour drive home, I got to think about many things. One of the things I thought about the most was music (duh). I tried to gather together a mental list of the most beautiful pieces I can think of...ya know, pieces that just reach right down in the soul from the very first note. Here's what I gathered:

1) Borodin In the Steppes of Central Asia
2) Kalinnikov Symphony no. 1 mvt. 2
3) Dvorak Symphony no. 9 mvt. 2
4) Hovhaness Symphony no. 2 ("Mysterious Mountain") mvt 1
5) Vaughn Williams--I KNOW that there's something he wrote that should be on this list. I just don't know what it is yet.
6) Shumann "When Jesus Wept" from New England Triptych
7) Pretty much anything that Brahms wrote

I'm sure there are more out there, but these were the ones that stuck with me. This music...just wow. Go listen to some of that.

It is 7:00 AM, and I owned my meterology exam. 95%, yo.

I wonder how well I would do if I just didn't study for my last exam (survey). I did that for my final world music cultures exam. I was so burnt out that I just didn't study. I got a 78 on the exam and an A in the class.

Ironically, I figured out that I need a 78 on my last exam to get an A in the class.

Uuuuuuhhhh, guess I should go study. But I'd really like to practice one of these days. I've been such a slacker on flute lately! Such a slacker!

I spent $245 on accompanists this semester.

"Sounds like a barrel of laughs..."
-Paul

Woo! What a day. I really pushed myself today, and I think that it will pay off. It had BETTER pay off, Mr. Meterology exam, or heads will roll.

Three exams down, one to go.

I noticed today that everyone in our quintet is short... kind of a strange coincidence.

Kay, only two more days.
Don't do anything stupid...

Congratulations to Ian Schwindt
2006-07 THS Teacher of the Year

Woo hoo! Go Schwindt!

For some reason, I've had a case of homesickness for a while. I never got homesick last year, and never this year until now.

I just miss home. I miss my friends and family. I want to see everyone again. I want to clean my slate, as it were. Recharge. Only a little bit longer and I can do it. But for now, I have four exams still to come. Three of them less than 24 hours from now. Booo....

I don't care if mid-latitude cyclones are converging or diverging at the surface. I don't care if they are systems of high or low pressure. I really couldn't care less whether they turn clockwise or counterclockwise.

I don't think this knowledge will ever serve any purpose in my life.

You can't imagine how many times I've had this conversation:

Person: You're a music major at Florida State, huh? Are you in the Marching Chiefs?
Me: No...I don't really like marching band that much.
Person: Oh...I knew so-and-so who was in the Chiefs. So are you in a regular band, then?
Me: No..
Person: Well what do you do?
Me: I'm in the orchestra
Person: [enlightened] Ohh
Me: Yeah.

Two hours of study, one hour wasting time. Not too bad for a subject that I dislike with the most extreme amount of dislike that I can conjure up. Tomorrow is another day, and if I need to skip survey study session, then I will.

That cake better not end up in front of me..

Happy birthday, Jacqui!

Wow, "O Fortuna" started blasting out of my computer the exact same time my phone rang. What a jolt that was!

Make me study meterology, please.

In this case, practice is procrastination.

Poulenc party!!

GNARLY

Last night...what was I thinking? Oh well, it was a good time.

I am really ready for this break. I'm really loving life here, but every time you spend too much time somewhere, stuff starts happening. And...yeah. Yeah.

It's the last day of school, and a good day tis!! Tonight will be splendid as well. There's no way I'm going to have a bad time.

My theory teacher SO brought fudge, brownies, and carbonated mixed fruit drinks into class today. Needless to say, I was pretty high for a while there. The good mood never really wore off, with the help of a little Rodrigo!

Thank you Joaquin Rodrigo!!

I am so thankful that I feel like my healthy self again. It's not something that I should take lightly. I will try my best not to lose this spirit of thanks.

And with that, I am once again FULL SPEED AHEAD!! Time to really start living!

This is me thinking out loud...or through type....or something. Probably not a good forum for Ashley's thoughts, but whatev...

Okay, Ashley, so you haven't practiced hardly at all for about a week. Why haven't you been practicing? It's because you have been sick. Why do you feel bad about not practicing? It's because you feel that you have been wasting time. Well, what have you been doing besides practicing? Sleeping. You have been sleeping and resting. When you are sick, sleeping is not wasting time. You needed to get better. If did not choose to sleep, you might still be sick. And you wouldn't want to still be sick, do you? No, this was a pretty painful, drawn-out sickness. You almost cried a couple of times. And we all know that Ashley doesn't cry. Sleep was the right choice.

Okay, so we have established that you haven't practiced, and it's okay. It's not the end of the world; it was neccessary. God is taking care of you. No need to worry. You know you should not worry...why are you worrying? Because you found out this week that you have an even more slim chance of going on tour than you had thought; because your piccolo needs to be repaired; because your headjoint need to be fitted; because you won't have either of them for some time during winter break. Because you'll be working and socializing during break instead of practicing. Because auditions to summer festivals are looming. Because you don't even know which summer festivals to apply to. Because you haven't practiced your excerpts for months now, and you haven't even acquired the Canzone yet. Because you KNOW that the piccolo excerpt is going to be Tchaik 4, and that excerpt is the bane of your existance. But it's all okay. Trust. Have faith. You are in good hands. Everything that happens, everything that is happening, it is supposed to happen. There is a reason for everything.

Sleep was a good choice. Keep making good choices, and you'll be okay. There is nothing to worry about. You are healthy, for pete's sake, what more could you ask for??

All these "problems," Ashley, they are of the world, and you are not of the world. Being the best is not a good goal, get that out of your mind; making music is a better goal, but it still doesn't cut it. Pleasing God--now there's a goal you can reach for with pride. Don't lose sight of your goal.

Eyes on the Lord, always.

I don't get enough hugs around here. That's one thing about home that I like better. People give great hugs.

I feel good!
I feel good!
I FEEL GOOD!!!

Please, let it be gone. Please, don't let this be another false alarm. Please.

I didn't go to Thagard (the clinic) today, and I'll tell you why. It's because my symptoms are so stupid. I would have gone in, they'd ask me what was wrong, and I would say that I am very tired and that my body aches. They'd ask me all about my sexual history, and then tell me that I am stressed and send me away. That sound about right?

If I take it easy, I can beat this.....right?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

MAKE ME FEEL BETTER

My body's got the blues. I'm really fighting it, but it's seeping into my mind too. This virus won't leave me. It seems to be stronger than I am, and that really scares me.

It's Ninja Day!!! (that is TOTALLY me)











Read all about it

to turn, turn will be our delight
til by turning, turning, we come 'round right

Interesting frame of mind. I would describe it if I could. Mostly, I am tired. Very, very tired.

A normal conversation of the apartment:
Me: How do sheep hurt people?
Craig: They explode. Haven't you ever seen a sheep explode?
Me: No. Have you?
Craig: I just did.

(If you understand what we are talking about, then you are probably a dork.)



My theory homework today is really hard.

This past week has been a very trying week. I was been sick and had my period at the same time. Things haven't exactly been easy. I played a mock jury when I could hardly breathe. I've had to walk home in the pouring rain. I've had hour-long rehearsals with my pianist when I should be at home in bed. Pain from cramps wouldn't let me sleep. Sometimes I felt like it was never going to end. It's really hard to see the good through all that pain. But it did end--I think I am better now. And it has made me a stronger person. So remember that whatever you're going through, it'll get better. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. I promise. Don't forget that.

Everything happens for a reason.

Make me decide.

I am very tired.
Should make for an interesting weekend.