Shut up brain, I'm sad.

I wouldve cried 5 times today if I wasnt a robot.
Good thing I have no emotions.

Rebecca- Thank you
Asher- Thank you
Craig- Thank you
Josh- Thank you

Here's some advice, kiddies: When something is bothering you, TELL SOMEONE. Even if they cant help you with your problem, it will make you feel better. Why I thought bottling everything up was gonna help things is beyond me.

Today when I was at Jackson, I was in the best mood I've been in for a while. I was dancing around, being hyper and happy....like before. I've missed that mood for a while. I don't know what happened. But whatever happened is gone now. And I hope it never comes again.

To future Ashley (and blog readers who care. which means no one): Sometimes things like that happen, with no explination. Like your tone suddenly gets really bad or you suddenly get really depressed. And it can be, and will be, very bad. Don't despair! Your tone will get better in a few days, and someday, no matter how much it feels like you won't, you will be happy again. All these things need are time and a little bit of effort. But mostly time.
Good things can happen too, without explanation. You don't notice those things. They feel more normal, somehow.

And

Okay, life, its time to stop pulling these little tricks. I dont like you anymore.

Tell me that theres nothing to be worried about.

With a push here and a shove there, everything should turn out okay. It's better already. And I think I may have identified a little of what was going on in me.

Be not afraid.
I go before you always
Come, follow me
and I will give you rest.

Why can't I just be happy? Why do I, even though I live in a world full of loving and supportive people, find myself utterly alone in a world with no love? Why is there so much I do not know? Why am I losing my God? Why have I stopped trying to do things I used to love to do? Why do I not care anymore? Why do I find no enjoyment in anything anymore? What happened to the carefree joy I used to have? Did it go into the work of marching band, the stress of school, or the loss of sleep? Where did it go? Why do I feel like this? Why?

Every sentence in this post is a question?

Today is homecoming dance day! Mrs. Kelly is my hero.
I'm ready to rock. And stuff.

You are Form 0, Phoenix: The Eternal.

"And The Phoenix's cycle had reached
zenith, so he consumed himself in fire. He
emerged from his own ashes, to be forever
immortal."

Some examples of the Phoenix Form are Quetzalcoatl
(Aztec), Shiva (Indian), and Ra-Atum
(Egyptian).
The Phoenix is associated with the concept of life,
the number 0, and the element of fire.
His sign is the eclipsed sun.

As a member of Form 0, you are a determined
individual. You tend to keep your sense of
optomism, even through tough times and have a
positive outlook on most situations. You have
a way of looking at going through life as a
journey that you can constantly learn from.
Phoenixes are the best friends to have because
they cheer people up easily.


Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

This is a fun quiz. I dont entirely get the picture that goes with the results, though...

You would give a vampire a good fight. Obviously
you are not a vampire hunter, but you are
definitely not an easy victim. You have a 50%
chance of defeating a vampire.

"


Can you survive an attack by a vampire?
brought to you by Quizilla

Physics textbook, page 222:
"When you throw a ball into the air, you do work on it. As it leaves your hand, it has kinetic energy. As the ball rises, its speed is reduced because of the downward force of the earth's gravity. The ball moves up, but the force is down, so the work on the ball is negative, and the kinetic energy on the ball becomes smaller."
Guess who doesnt care?
Guess who needs more sleep because she took 3 times to read this and understand?
Mee!

Okay, yeah, me, I'm what this blog is all about. And stuff. Busy week, busy weekend. I hope I have time to get some sleep somewhere in here. Its gonna be tough. Im pretty tired right now. I'm glad theres no marching band tonight. I would die. Not really. But I would be in a state of fatigue. Is that possible? A state of fatigue?

Anyway, I think I'll take it easy tonight. Listen to some Mozart. Maybe watch the tv. Ya know whats sad? There is no earthly reason why I have a television in my room. I cant remember the last time I turned my tv on. The remote is very very dusty. It mustve been at least a couple months since I last tuned it on. At least. I never watch tv anymore. Never have time. Not that I'm complaining. I like tv as muh as the next guy, but I dont like to waste my life away watching an extraordinary amount. I have better things to do. Like waste my life away on the computer. And waste my life away attempting to be good on flute. And waste my life away trying to make the grade.

I have a really good life, you know that? I could be starving or in bad health, I could be in a different, not-so-wealthy country where opportunity is less, I could have a bad home life with no love, I could have an acidic social life, I could have bad grades and so many other problems. But I don't. I'm lucky. Very lucky. Sometimes I think I forget to step back and look at the big picture. I'm a lucky person, that me.
As much as I complain about things, I usually have the good end of the deal. No matter how bad off you are, there's always someone who's worse. And thats the truth.

Oh man oh man.
I feel great. Oh, I feel so great.
Huh.

just kidding

I wish I wish I had some sleep. If only...
I have a new buddy icon. Its a negative chasing an AIM guy under a radical and it says "Imaginary buddy." Im cool.

Holloween horror nights is crazy. People jump out at you from every which way and shake chainsaws at you and throw stuff in your direction. And stuff that you think is part of the park starts moving, like trees and walls and rocks. They come and attack you! But they never touch you and its all pretend. I had to keep telling myself that. But it sure feels real.
"You're scared. That means youre having fun."
-Richard

Well, time to go clean and do homework and practce. The regulars. What an end to what a weekend.

OK get this. I really really want to practice right now. Ive been sucking lately and stuff. Plus no ones home and I could practice in the sitting/do nothing room, which is the best place in the house to practice. So I get my flute out and play a few notes. Then I get into technical excercises and the cut on my finger, which happens to rest right on a vital key, decides to open again. It hurts me when I play plus its pussin and stuff and thats no good to get on my flute. So I put a band-aid on it, with some vain hope that I might be able to play with a bandaid on the tip of my finger with an open holed key. No luck. I want to not suck and stuff and Ive hardly practiced all weekend. And allcountys coming up. People are expecting a lot out of me this year, myself included. But nothing gonna happen if I SUCK. My tone used to be beautiful and vibrant but now it sounds like Im stuggling just to get notes out. Which I am. What happened?

Hey get this too. Today I drove an hour to orlando to take a picture with my orchestra. The picture took about 5 minutes. Then I drove an hour home.
Maybe I should take a nap.

My new email address is ctkitty9@earthlink.net.
Its the same as my old one except its not msn, its earthlink.
Now you know.

Hours of sleep night before ACT: 5
Hours of sleep night before SAT: 6

Not in the mood right now.

A trapeziod is just a triangle with its head cut off.

Exams. To bah with them. Espacially physics. Halfway over! Woo! I'm looking forward to lots of things, and one of them is the end of physics.
One of them is the concert.
One of them is homecoming.
One of the is the end of marching band.
One of them is...winter break?

Ok well see ya.

Shoot I have a mouth zit.
But I had a good hair day.
So it all evens out.

Katie's blog:
www.thestupidpagethatneverworks.blogspot.com

Haha my new name is funny. And stuff.

So....yeah. Not much upstairs right now. Man I cant type. Ah well, Thats what bloggers are for. Go read the poem I wrote, it's really bad. But I had to write it. It's moderatly not really funny.

What the heck is our exam in English gonna be?
19 more days till homecoming
Too many more days till marching band ends.
Too many more days till physics ends.
Not enough days until all-county auditions. (bleh)
Too many days until the next weekend.

Le temps passe tres vite, et la jeunesse n'a qu'un temps.
Time passes very quickly, and you're only young once.
SO DONT WASTE IT, PEOPLE! GO OUT AND HAVE FUN!!

Fin

I'm posting this to get my new name to work hopefully

Ahh. I remember a time when I used to rest a lot on the weekend and recover all the lost sleep from the preceeding week. Those were the good old days. Not really. Now I sleep less on the weekend. Strange.

I've been busy busy busy busy bee. Or a busy human. That too. Things, for the most part, are going well. I guess. I just wish I got more sleep sometimes. It's not fun walking around like a zombie all the time, ya know? Next weekend is gonna be just as bad. Got SAT in the morning of Sat, church in the mornin of Sun. Ah well. It'll all be over soon. Stupid marching band. Hey people who read this blog, everyone heard our idea? Ya know how Mr. Schwindt has been kinda down lately? We want to do something to cheer him up. Remember when Schwindt gave all the section leaders little notes with good stuff about them written on em? Well, we want to do the same thing to him. Everyone write little notes with good stuff about Mr. Schwindt on it, and give them to me, Rebecca, Erin, Alyssa, or one of the crew, and we're gonna put them in a jar or something so every time he feels sad he can just pull one out and read it. And don't put your name on it either. I think it's a swell idea. And it made feel good just planning it. I like making people feel good, it makes me feel good. :) So get to it. Write, write write! We're somehow gonna get the whole band in on it.

In other news, my stomach don't like me no more.

Oh man oh man. I bombed the physics test today. I actually studied for it too. I sat down for an hour Sunday night and went over everything. I even made a little fake test for myself. But it was nothing like I thought it was gonna be. I mean, the last test was mostly multiple choice, but this one was all free response and problems to work out. Only one multiple choice, I believe. And I forgot what all the equations were used for so I panicked (sp?) and got all flustered and couldn't concentrate. It reminded me of the biology exam last year when I couldn't concentrate because I was so mad that there was stuff on the exam that he didn't teach us about. Or mention. Ever. So anyway, this is the first test I've ever failed. Ever. I mean, I know I failed this one. And it makes me sad. I'm getting a 93 in calculus! An A in AP English! Confounded physics. WHYIAUGHTA. I've concluded that I shouldn't be in honors physics. NOT AT ALL. Eh. So much for being thirteenth.

Everything is sucking. I'm having a bad couple days with flute (aka I'm sucking again). When you sound bad when you practice, it makes you not want to practice anymore. But you have to because you won't sound better if you don't practice. So it's painful. I think my sucking may have to do with the amount of sleep I got this weekend, which was not much. Not much at all. I think I got a grand total of around 9 hours. That means I go to bed early tonight. Just like last night.

Well at least I don't have BSYO anymore. And I don't have any homework in physics because of the test and I don't have any English homework (which I should teoretically never have but somehow it never happens that way) and I did my calc homework already and I practiced in third block today, so I'm free to write in my bloggey and check up on other blogs.
Plus I only need two more tens to be on the perfect ten list. There's only three more quizzes left...I can do it!
Plus I think it's fish tonight. Yay.

In other news, I gots an FYAO concert on Sunday this weekend. Me and Emily and Alyssa G are the three flutes in Chamber Symphony and theres no one else I know in all five orchestras. It's weird. We're playing Hyden through the ages: the last two movements of Symphony #8, The Tempest (or something like that)...which happens to have a leading flute part...which only I am playing...and the first movement of Concertant (written later in his career) for quartet of violin, cello, oboe and bassoon and orchestra. It's gonna be great, but we're not gonna be the featured orchestra. I'm excited to see what the big guys are playing though. Prolly somethin cool.
The next concert, though, is gonna be crazy. It's us and Sinfonia (the cute little group with elementary students) and you can imagine who people will be going to see. Next concert we'll play lotsa cool stuff. Like poet and peasant. I can't wait!

Man I've been typing for a long time. But it's not time for dinner yet. My mom sure is getting home late today. No Jackson tomorrow! Woo!

I'm a happy Ashley due to some certain people. You know who you are.

I'm here and I'm here. Good jorb lol.

Mrs Orletsky told us a funny story. There was this really shy girl in one of her classes and she never raised her hand in class to answer. So one day she got bold and raised her hand to answer. She said "Dont yell at me if I get this wrong." Mrs Orletsky said okay. And so she answered and got it right and Mrs Orletsky yelled at her.

Whats up with me, though? Ive had a pretty tough week. I hate physics, but I lurve my other classes. I need to practice more. My mom thinks Im slacking on practicing because of my social life, which is kinda true, as much as I dont want it to be. But its not like I never practice anymore. I feel like Im making sacrifices whatever I do. Im sacrificing study time if I clean the house, social time if I sleep, practicing time if I go out. I dont know. Nothing ever seems to work out right. Ah well.
I get mad sometimes with people. People I hang out with constantly talk bad about other people. It just irks me sometimes. The other day at lunch people were throwing stuff in Beth's hair and being mean to her. Every time I see something like that, a little voice in my head says it mean and I should stop them doing it. But I never do. But Im saying now that I, from here on, disapprove of being mean to beth. Just because she blind doesnt mean shes not a person with feelings and doesnt like being made fun of as much as the rest of us. As much as she is annoying, I think its being taken a bit too far. ZACH.

Also, Ilea. Guys, you seriously need to stop talking about her. Its to the point where youre actually making stuff up about her thats not true (Im not accusing anyone in particular but Ive heard it). And Im suppoed to defend her and frankly I dont want to have to do that. So if you have a thought in youre head about her, dont let me be in earshot when you say it. Youre supposed to be respecting her, the least you can do is pretend you are. There comes a time in every persons life when they need to just not let their opinion be known and this is one of them.
I know you can do it because I have.

In other news, blah.
Sir Ron Norris is a paledrome.